American Horror Story: Coven S03E09 – Head

It is usually around this point in the season that American Horror Story starts to get a little screwy, throwing importance on storylines that aren’t interesting, or being strange just for the sake of being strange. The ninth episode of Coven, entitled “Head” (hey, I struggle with titles too, so I can respect the laziness of this), definitely wasn’t the best of the season, and maybe this is a good point for them to take a break until after Christmas. Let’s go………

-We start off in a forest and you just had to know nothing good was going to come of this. We figure out quickly that it is Hank, Delia’s witch-hunting husband getting his start with his dad, and we learn the family has been hunting for generations. But Hank freezes when he actually sees a witch, who begs him not to shoot her, then shoots out fire to take him out. His father pushes him out of the way and shoots the witch, but gets burned in the process. What do we learn? Hank really ain’t ’bout that life.

-Fiona heads (sorry, that was totally unintended) over to Marie’s salon with the head of Madame L in a box, the same one that Marie sent to the coven at the end of the last episode. Fiona tries to be friends and get the two sides to come together. Marie ain’t feelin’ it in the slightest and kicks her out, and then tells Queenie to burn the head, which she doesn’t. This whole “head” thing is kinda hokey. She just spits out corny one-liners and the body trying to slap away a fly was goofy. Kathy Bates is probably looking at the script like, “shit, well, I’m gettin’ a cheque”.

-Hank meets with his father, who is now the CEO of a major financial institution, but still in the witch-hunting game. He chastises Hank for being sloppy with killing the redhead in the hotel, and now he is starting to catch feelings for Delia (well, not start, you should assume that he has had them for a while, he did marry her and all). That’s why he didn’t get the #2 role under his dad and that has to burn Hank, but shit, his dad was right. Can’t have someone that sloppy and emotional in a position of power. But we did learn that they were behind Delia’s blinding, which wasn’t all that surprising.

-Myrtle gets revenge for her stake burning by poisoning her former colleagues on the Council, and well, since Delia needs some new eyes, she has to get them from somewhere, right? She scooped them shits out with a spoon, bruh….A SPOON. This was probably my favorite part in a very meh-filled episode. Myrtle might be a darkhorse coming down the stretch in Coven. She has been on fire since Misty resurrected her, she seems to be more powerful now and you know she still wants Fiona’s head on a platter. The two started arguing when Fiona entered the room, but Delia tried to squash that with the quickness because they have bigger issues to deal with, like silver bullets and such. Keep an eye out (again, completely unintentional) for Myrtle.

-Here is where I started to zone out. Madison and Zoe go to see Nan, who is holding a vigil at the hospital for the neighbor boy she is in love with or whatever that is. Nan tells his mom, who still isn’t a fan of them, about a song she used to sing to him, which he told Nan through her mind-reading powers. Now, I just learned that the actress who plays the mom was the actress who won a Tony for Evita and is pretty big in musicals. Ryan Murphy, the creator of American Horror Story, also does Glee. So, you see the connections here….and I don’t give a damn about this storyline. None of it. And no one is going to question the mom being brought back to life last week? She’s just chillin’ in the hospital like everything is sweet. Anyway….moving on.

-Instead of burning Madame L’s head, Queenie decides to torture her by making her watch Roots, and this is up there with my favorite moments of the episode because, well, I’ve watched Roots. I respect Roots and its place. But watching that for eight hours straight would drive you crazy. I’ve only seen it the once, and I’m good. Anyway, she also planned on making her watch Roots: The Next Generation, Mandingo, The Color Purple and BAPS, which I forgot about and am going to watch soon, because Halle Berry. It just all seemed a little too buddy-cop like, though, and that is the way they have handled the Queenie-Madame L thing all season. But the rub is, where usually the bad cop would learn something, Madame L ain’t learning shit and keeps throwing around “negress”. She is committed to her ‘cism, I’ll give her that.

-Hank goes to see Delia after Marie put him through all types of voodoo pain and said that she wanted the witches gone that night or else, but Delia (with Misty in tow) isn’t having any of it and tell him his shit is packed and ready to go. You can tell that Hank really does love Delia, but there is no room for that shit in this life.

-Fiona and Hank talk briefly, but that gets thrown to the side as she (well, their new guard dog, actually) discovers Kyle in a room. Now, Kyle killed the dog, apparently, and I must have missed that part, but it isn’t that important. The most important thing is that Fiona brought him along enough to put together sentences and play cards. She looked at the girls like, “y’all young girls don’t know shit about this here”. It was good. He is now their guard dog. Which means he’ll likely die.

-Nan and the mom are all friends and shit, until Nan brings up some old stuff, via the son, about how his father died. He was cheating, she wasn’t having it and released a bunch of bees in his car as he was allergic. So the Nan-mom singalong came to a halt. He wakes up, and the mom smothers her son with a pillow. Another great moment for motherhood on American Horror Story.

-Hank shows up at Marie’s salon with a shotgun with a silencer on it (where in the fuck did he get that?) and is out for blood. He shoots a couple people, including Queenie, and he hunts down Marie, but Queenie takes one for the team and shoots herself in the mouth, killing Hank as well. But I’m assuming she’ll be back, because EVERYONE comes back on this show one way or another. This was done really well as she was showing Madame L footage of the Civil Rights movement, and playing “Oh Freedom” while all this was going on was, um, it was an interesting choice, but it worked for me.

-The show ends with Marie showing up at the coven like, “so, about that thing you were talking about, the joining forces and such” and Fiona is like, “mmmmmmhmmmm”. More scenes between Bassett and Lange. I fucks with this.

There were great moments in this episode, but a few poor moments as well. Coven is off until January 8th, which is smart because people will be running around doing Christmas stuff, so we have about a month to wait, although FX will be running marathons of the first two seasons over the holidays, so get up on that. Hopefully, the last four episodes of Coven will pick things back up.

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