Monthly Archives: April 2014

Mad Men S07E03 – Field Trip

Mad Men tries to keep the momentum going on its final season with “Field Trip”, which may have been more apt after Sally’s trip to the city to give Don some tough love. We see the other Draper kids in this episode, but of course, this shit ain’t for kids, unless you count Mr. Draper himself. Let’s go……

-Don is sitting in a movie theatre, watching a movie called “Model Shop” (shoutout to the EW recap for filling me in on this, I would have never known), which is about a guy seeing a woman who is an actress, but that is going south. Sound familiar? And I was going to say that Don’s unemployment has something to do with him being at a movie in the middle of the day, but he did this when he was working as well. We’ve see Don at the movies quite a few times. It seems to be one of his few happy places. Sounds about right for someone who has been pretending to be someone else for most of his adult life.

-Next, Don is getting dressed up to……call Dawn, because what else does he have to do? Luckily, Dawn is being a good sport about it, telling Don what is going on around the office, which doesn’t seem like a very good idea, but she’s loyal. But Don pushes it with the, “were there any calls?” line. Man, if you don’t get outta here with that…’re lucky you’re Don Draper. Of course, the best part of it is that there was a call. Don is so mad that he has to actually Silver back himself.

-It came from Alan Silver, Megan’s agent, who wants Don to try and calm Megan down as she is coming on a little too strong when it comes to the roles she wants, tracking down directors after auditions and whatnot. That isn’t good, so Alan suggests Don try and talk Megan down. While this is going on, Don breaks out the whisky. I’m also still trying to figure out whether it is morning or night as it is dark outside his apartment. If he is cutting down on the drinking, I guess morning whisky still counts. Baby steps, my friends.

-Peggy, Ginsberg and Stan prepare for a meeting with Lou, but Ginsberg takes shots at Peggy because his Playtex ad got nominated for an award, while Peggy points out that she was the one who gave Ginsberg the account. Poor, poor Peggy. Something needs to happen with her. But what REALLY needs to happen is a Stan/Ginsberg spinoff. AMC, you have NOTHING else going on after this ends next year. Make it happen.

-Don decides to hop on a plane and go surprise Megan, and it is getting to the point where the flight attendants know him by name, and he knows them. Don will have sex on an airplane at some point this season, mark my words. And now he is drinking tomato juice? I’m so confused by this Don Draper.

-Peggy, Ginsberg and Stan are pitching a cologne ad to Lou, who shits all over it, because that is what Lou does. He is efficient and gets shit done, but man, he has the people skills of an actual wet blanket. Remember how he treated Sally last episode? I hope he doesn’t have a daughter.

-Betty makes her first appearance of the season, having lunch with an old friend who is now working, while Betty still doesn’t really do anything. There is something different about January Jones, maybe it’s because I haven’t seen her for a while. I’m sure it’ll come to me after I’m done with this. But after they go back and forth, her friend calls her “Betty Draper”, which I found interesting because, well, she hasn’t been married to Don for a long time now. And Betty doesn’t even correct her, just kinda rolls with it. I’m fine with it because I had to go to Wikipedia and find out what her last name even was anymore. It’s Francis, apparently, and her husband is Henry. I thought it was Harry. I still don’t care.

-Harry Crane makes his first appearance at a business meeting, and he is feelin’ himself like shit going into this. He is basically pushing for more funding for his media department, while the point of contention seems to be computers, which is absolutely hilarious when you consider what age we are in now. Harry straight walks out on Jim, and I gotta say, this won’t end well for Harry.

-Don surprises Megan and looks at the bottle of Kahula like, “what in the hell is California doing to you?”. They have the sex, as the kids say.

-Meanwhile, Betty signs off to go on a field trip with Bobby, who we haven’t seen in ages. Betty isn’t that far off from Don: she has always had a nanny despite the fact that she doesn’t work or do a whole helluva lot of anything. She wants to be more of a mother, it seems, but doesn’t know how to do it. She has had her moments with the kids in the past, it just isn’t consistent. Hell, Henry may be the best thing for the kids, considering their parents are slightly insane.

-After their romp, Don and Megan finally have “the talk”. She is upset about not being able to find any work, and Don, well, let’s just say comforting isn’t his strong suit. He knows what he is trying to say, he just doesn’t know how, telling her that she isn’t handling it well, and then he tells her that her agent called him. Then Don tells her to stop acting like a lunatic and that he was worried about her, although she is kinda acting crazy; still, Don should know there are some things you shouldn’t say to a woman, especially your wife. Megan turns the tables and says that she should surprise him in New York, and she knows better than anyone what Don is capable of; remember she was his secretary. She is also suspicious of his employment, and he finally admits he has been on leave for damn near a year, to which Megan flips out and tells Don to leave. He patronizes the shit outta her, and that makes Megan even more angry.

-For me, this was the scene of the episode. While I do make fun of the whole teeth thing with Jessica Pare, that’s me being an asshole. She is a fine actress and she does more than hold her own with Jon Hamm, and we all know what he can do. She is the one that has the balls to realize that this isn’t going to work, something many of us have known for a long time. Her controlled anger and the deep breath she takes before telling him to go……..if you’ve been there before, you know what that feels like. That shit cuts deep. Ain’t nothing like the moment you realize it’s over.

-So we move to Harry, who gets a call from the Wall Street Journal, which Jim set up, to talk about a computer that he has been asking about for years, yet they don’t have one. Jim calls Harry the most dishonest man he has ever met, which is saying a lot considering who he has run across in an industry like advertising. Let’s just say Harry stretched some truths in the earlier meeting.

-Don steps off the plane in New York and gets right to work, trying to set up a meeting to talk about a job, which he does. Shoutout to using a fake name like “Clarence Birdseye. He gets an offer at dinner, while getting approached by a pretty blonde that Don thinks came from the men he was having dinner with, and she tells him where her hotel room is. But Don goes to the room after dinner, and there is Roger, so I’m thinking he saw Don and sent a lady there to get him to come upstairs? But then Roger acts surprised when Don shows up at the door. That part really confused me, but it’s not really important.

-The important part is the back and forth between Roger and Don, who fire shots off at each other (Don says he made the agency, while Roger counters with hiring Don and giving him the shot he needed). But down deep, these two are best friends and Roger eventually tells him he misses him and wants him to come back. We need this, too. Shit hasn’t been the same for anyone since the team broke up.

-Then it goes into Don calling Megan, and props to the way this was done: how it moves from scene to scene (I have no idea what the technical term is) and the use of music….this is why Mad Men is Mad Men. It was stylish, for lack of a better word. Don hits Megan with the “baby baby baby pleeeeeease” and she brushes it off like nothing, although you can see how much it hurts her. Again, Jessica Pare knocks this out of the park.

-Betty and Bobby are off on the field trip, and shoutout to Betty to smoking in a school bus full of children. Bobby is trying to talk to Betty about monster movies or something, and while Betty obviously doesn’t give a damn, she is at least trying to give a damn and that is a start. Bobby is so happy. He tells the teacher, “we’re having a conversation!” like he and Betty don’t talk at all. Betty also points out that the teacher’s shirt is damn near undone. Shoutout to that.

-Don heads to the office, but him walking in is cut together with shots of him at home, looking nervous as shit and we haven’t seen this Don in a while. Speaking of people who haven’t seen Don in a while, he walks up on Lou, who has no idea what to do and looks like he saw a ghost. He gets reacquainted with everyone, like Ginsberg, who tells Peggy that Don is back. Peggy’s secretary might be his next conquest, by the sounds of her seeing him. Stan joins the party and they’re all kinda stunned at what is going down. Dawn wonders what is going on and it’s right about now that he figures out this was Roger’s idea, he didn’t tell anyone.

-Back at the farm, Betty and another kid’s mom hang back and make fun of the bra-less teacher and smoke instead of watching the kids milk a cow. Mother of the year, my friends.

-And at the office, the pleasantries continue, but Joan is leery about why Don is there and goes right to Bert Cooper, which is unlike Joan. It becomes clear to Don that he isn’t wanted when the copywriters are called into a “meeting” just to get them away from him. Where the hell are you, Roger?

-Betty decides to drink milk straight from the cow’s udder. Okay, that cancels out not going into the barn right away. Again, she is at least trying.

-Roger finally shows up and goes on about being the president of the agency, but he does have partners and he’ll have to sit with them to decide if they’ll bring Don back into the fold. Roger’s lack of fuck-giving has to be about -600 now, and it wouldn’t surprise me if he was high coming into the office.

-Betty goes to wash her hands before lunch, while Bobby gets stuff ready. She realizes Bobby ate his sandwich, then traded hers to a girl for candy. She is PISSED. Like father, like son, I guess. At least he didn’t give away the spot she was sitting in.

-Lou is pissed and freaks out on Jim for Don being back, but Jim is just finding all this out now and talks Lou off a cliff. Lou says something about possibly needing security if Don freaks out, and that just shows how out of touch he is in this company.

-The partners finally sit down for their meeting, and Roger is the only one that wants Don back. Jim, Joan and Bert thinks he was on a leave, while Roger states it was just to get his head straight. Jim wants Harry and the media department to have a computer, but thinks there is no need for creative personalities, which doesn’t make a lick of sense. Roger says that the agency’s lone nomination was because their creative department wasn’t out there like that since Don left and Lou wouldn’t back anything he didn’t do, so the partners are all over the place. Jim finally blurts out that he is mad that Don essentially sent Ted to Los Angeles, so it’s personal. Joan points out that buying Don out would be incredibly costly. I’m a fan of how hard Roger is fighting for Don….it’s personal on all sides, just not for Jim.

-The Francis household winds down for the night, with Betty and Bobby not speaking over the sandwich fiasco. The only thing Bobby says is that he wishes it were yesterday. These poor kids, man.

-Peggy approaches Don only to say that they don’t miss him at the office, to which he replies with a thank you. She can’t even shit on people right. Snap the fuck out of it, Peggy. Stop being petty. We know you’re mad because Don was behind Ted leaving, but he was married. Don’t turn into Don. We already have one of those.

-Betty is sad that the kids don’t love her, all because of the sandwich. She needs to calm down and realize kids do stupid shit. She thinks Gene will eventually resent her as Sally and Bobby probably do. Maybe get rid of the nanny and do stuff with the kids herself, but that may be asking far too much.

-The showdown begins as Don walks into a conference room, where the rest of the partners are. You can almost see Don giving himself a mental pep talk, but he enters and it is easy to see what is going on: Roger on one side, Joan, Bert and Jim on the other. They have decided that they want Don back, but with a few stipulations: he can’t meet with clients by himself, he has to stick to a pre-approved script during meetings, he will be in Lane’s (RIP) office and he has to answer to Lou. If he breaks any of those, he is fired and his partnership will be split between the remaining partners. And guess what? Don says, “okay”. That’s it.

Things are going to get interesting at SC&DOPPYeahYouKnowMe. Don can’t be taking orders from Lou for that long, I can’t see that at all. That will be thrown in the bushes by the end of the half-season. Meanwhile, Betty has to put forth a better effort with her kids and I think she will; she has to start with Bobby, like, NOW. I also want to see how long it’ll take someone to go at Peggy, because I think that will be the only thing that wakes her up. My guess is Stan does it. They just keep chugging along in Mad Men.


Game Of Thrones S04E04 – Oathkeeper

We’re almost at the halfway point of the fourth season of Game Of Thrones, which makes me sad because there are only six episodes left and I’m dreading the end of the season already. When you get an episode as good as “Oathkeeper”, that is all you can really do. As soon as I saw it was directed by Michelle McLaren, I was in. Check her IMDB page: she has been behind the camera for many of your favorite Breaking Bad episodes, along with the most reason season of The Walking Dead, a ton of X-Files episodes and also one from The River, which is a personal favorite of mine (and should have gotten more than one season). Not to mention, two episodes of Game Of Thrones last season (remember Brienne and Jaime against the bear? Yep, that was her). Let’s goooooooo……

-We start with Missandei giving some language lessons to Grey Worm, since no one in this series seems to be able to read. Grey Worm is trying to spit some game to Missandei, but that game has to be top-notch when you don’t have a penis, so she isn’t havin’ any of his advances. She is fantastic, by the way. But he looks back at her after Dany breaks up their little session to tell them that “it’s time”, so you know he’ll try again.

-But right now, Grey Worm is busy trying to sneak into Meereen, where the slaves from the last episode are deciding on a revolt. The older slaves are against said revolt, but Grey Worm enters their room, which makes them wonder how the hell they got in there. He gives them a speech about taking their freedom and drops some knives in front of them, and he also tells them there are three of them for every slavemaster. They don’t know how to fight, but when you have numbers, who cares? Jump to a slavemaster walking down the street, where he sees “KILL THE MASTERS” written in blood on a wall, and then there are slaves coming at home from every direction. They stabbed the ever-lovin’ shit outta that dude. Shoutout to his guards who were like, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAP” and just left him there.

-Cut to Dany walking amongst the broken chains with people calling her “Mhysa” (mother) as they did in the finale of season 3, and hey, they got some white slaves mixed in there this time. They didn’t want any problems after the controversy of that episode. Dany, Jorah and Barristan walk up what seems like three million steps, and she makes an executive decision: to make the surviving slaveowners pay for nailing slaves on crosses as she witnessed walking to Meereen, Dany wants to do the same to them. Barristan tries to throw in some shit about mercy, but Dany is like, “Nah”. I like ruthless Dany. And remember, she did all this without even bringing the dragons out.

-Next, we have Jaime and Bronn continuing their sword-fighting lessons, and Jaime is getting better with his left hand, but Bronn takes off his steel hand and hits the Kingslayer in the mouth with it. Bronn then teaches Jaime another lesson as he hasn’t been to see Tyrion yet, and he guilts the hell out of him, pullin’ the whole “you ain’t gone to see ya man in jail yet?” card. He tells Jaime that he was his original pick to fight for Tyrion when Bronn fought for his freedom, which I’m not entirely sure was the truth, I can’t remember. Either way, it worked and that’s all that matters.

-Jaime visits Tyrion in his cell, and it is actually the most animated Tyrion we’ve seen all season as he tries to figure out how to get out of this situation. But then we get, for me, the best exchange of the episode: Jaime says how Cersei is so upset about her son dying, and Tyrion hits him with the “HER son?”. Jaime flashes a look as dirty as the bucket Tyrion relieves himself in and snaps, “DON’T”. Oh man…that was greatness. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the Jaime/Cersei relationship explicitly questioned like that, although I do remember Tywin saying that he heard the rumors when he set plans in motion to marry Cersei to Loras. Anyway, Tyrion tells Jaime that he didn’t kill Joffrey, and he believes him

-Littlefinger and Sansa are on his ship, and Littlefinger reveals that he used the necklace that the fool gave Sansa to help kill the former king. Sansa works her way through the plan in what seems to be her coming to her senses, and Littlefinger also reveals that he had some help. BAM!!!!!!!! Cut to Lady Olenna walking through her garden with Margaery and that basically wraps up that whodunit. They spell out who killed Joffrey pretty obviously in these two scenes, leaving nothing to the imagination, which might piss some off, but I’m fine with it. I had a feeling Lady O had something to do with it anyway; like she tells Margaery, “do you think I’d let you marry that monster?” (or something to that effect). So for those keeping score, the fool put the necklace on Sansa, but there was a poisonous jewel in it; go back to when Lady O fixed said necklace (which she does again with Margaery in this scene after she basically cops to the murder). There was one jewel missing, which ended up in Joffrey’s cup. We also learn that Lady O used to have that good stuff, which she used to lure her own sister’s husband-to-be away so she could climb the ladder and she urges Margaery to do the same to Tommen before Cersei gets in his ear. Lady O is a motherfucking G. Even Tywin would have to salute; hell, he might have known about it. He gave no fucks telling Tommen the deal over Joffrey’s dead body last week.

-Now we’re at Castle Black, where Jon Snow is teaching people how to fight and Allister Thorne isn’t havin’ it. But Janos Slynt suggests that maybe they should take Jon up on his plan to go to Craster’s Keep and take out the mutineers before they tell the wildlings just how few men are left at Castle Black. It makes sense: keep a strong fighter as long as possible, then let someone else kill him. Thorne tells Jon he has the OK to go, but only if he finds volunteers. He finds some after a speech, including a new guy, Locke, who is better known as the guy sent to find Bran Stark and kill him, and also the guy who cut off Jaime’s hand.

-Then we have drunk-ass Cersei, who is tore the fuck up. She just wants someone, anyone to die, preferably Tyrion or Sansa, but both would be good times. Jaime tries to tell her that Tyrion didn’t do it, but again, she isn’t havin’ it and wants him to send someone out to find Sansa. She then dismisses him by saying “Lord Commander”, which is extremely formal considering their relationship. And not one mention of what happened last week. But while it was bad and stuff, man, Cersei just brushes it off as a “shit happens” kinda moment, because she is batshit fucking crazy. And now, a drunk. I doubt we’ll ever hear it acknowledged again.

-Tommen is laying in bed, when he hears a noise. Enter Margaery, who somehow manages to get past the Kingsguard (I have one idea about how she did it, come on, we all do, right?). She doesn’t come right on to Tommen, who has an “OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG” look on his face the entire scene and it’s priceless. She plays it very cool, while he probably jerked off the second she left the room. She’s a smart one, that Margaery. She has a great teacher.

-Jaime is with Brienne, who reads his list of accomplishments, then Jaime gives her the sword given to him by his father, the same that was forged out of Ned Stark’s sword. She is to use it to find Sansa and protect her, continuing her history of protecting people (specifically, Starks) and keeping oaths, hence the name of the episode as we find out her later she names the sword “Oathkeeper”. He also replaces her suit of armor, which is nice. The relationship between Jaime and Brienne is one of the coolest things about Game Of Thrones: Jaime is a guy that just raped his sister, whom he has incestuous children with and we’ve seen him kill his cousin to escape and push a child out of a window. However, with Brienne he is a kind and gentle man. Quite the complex character, that Kingslayer fella. Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, who plays Jaime, is a monster in this episode, the way he goes from Bronn to Tyrion to Cersei to Brienne, all different situations calling for different moods. He nails it. 

-Jaime gives Pod (POD DA GAWD) to Brienne to be her squire, which has the potential to be all sorts of comedy and it works out for Pod as well because once the whole trial with Tyrion starts, his life will be in danger. Jaime sees them off, but there is no hug or emotion from the two as they part ways, but I was sad. Brienne makes Jaime not despicable. That’s about as good as he is going to get.

-Sam sulks to Jon about taking Gilly to that whorehouse, which he now realizes may not have been the best idea he has had. Well done, Sam, well done. It is also here where Jon gets the volunteers to go to Craster’s Keep.

-We get to the Keep, and the mutineers have just run through the place, raping all of Craster’s wives They’re led by some cat named Karl, apparently, who is drinking wine from the skull of Jeor Mormont, who they killed last season (and father of Jorah, who was put in the friend zone by Dany). He is hammered, going on about how bad of a dude he used to be back in King’s Landing, and he is a fucking asshole. All you have to really know about him is that he yells, “Fuck ’em ’til they’re dead” concerning the battered women around the Keep. Then, he gets the last of Craster’s babies, which was just born and I was like, “are they really gon’ kill this baby?”. It wouldn’t have surprised me in the slightest, but instead, he decides to “give the baby to the Gods” as the women suggest, which means take it out in the woods and give to the White Walkers, which we haven’t seen in a while. So that is what happens.

-We also learn that they have Jon’s direwolf Ghost, in a cage. Cut to Bran and his squad, who jumps into his wolf’s body and heads for the Keep, but he gets caught in a trap. So human Bran and the squad go to the Keep, where they are found and taken hostage. They tie up the homie Hodor and poke him with spears, which is completely fucking unnecessary, but that’s because I fucks with Hodor. Carryin’ around Bran’s non-walking ass, that has to be a pain. Anyway, Karl slaps fire out of Bran’s mouth and realizes they are highborn, and they are absolutely not about this hostage life. Karl puts the knife to the girl’s throat, which makes Bran give his identity and Karl realizes that he can use this: he has the heir to Winterfell hostage? Yup, this could be profitable.

-Then, we get to the final scene: we see a White Walker on a horse with the baby in his arms, walking through a blizzard because it is always snowy when these mufuckas are around. We arrive at White Walker Wonderland, where he puts the baby on a block of ice and another Walker comes out to receive it. What looks like the Supreme White Walker, I guess, picks up the crying baby and puts his nail on his face, which turns the baby’s eyes the same cold blue color that the White Walkers have. And that is how “Oathkeeper” ends.

This goes up there with some of my favorite Game Of Thrones episodes, and the first thing I thought when it was done, was that it felt like a season finale. There wasn’t a wasted scene in the entire episode. Some people are mad because a lot of what we watched wasn’t in the book, especially the final scene with the White Walkers, to which I say, suck it up. People are just mad because they don’t get to hold it over non-book readers’ heads and they were surprised. George R.R. Martin didn’t have a problem with it, so I’m good. So yeah, I’m in for the rest of the season. And Michelle McLaren (who is Canadian, so shoutout to that) is directing the next episode as well. I’m ready.


Big Brother Canada 2 – 21 Signs You’re A Basic Bitch (April 23rd)

[8:57:53 PM] Holly: So…

[8:59:13 PM] Holly: I would like to start this recap off with the following video

[8:59:23 PM] Holly:

[9:00:00 PM] Holly: If you ever wanted to see Sabrina attempt to twerk (you don’t) then this is the video for you

[9:01:47 PM] Neil: Oh, I bet this is rich

[9:02:10 PM] Neil: What in all of the fucks was that?

[9:02:19 PM] Neil: Does she do that out in front of people?

[9:03:22 PM] Holly: I would assume

[9:03:36 PM] Holly: Did I just see Emmett on the screen?

[9:03:41 PM] Neil: You did

[9:03:52 PM] Holly: Wait, pause that thought, let’s discuss Adel being a dick

[9:03:55 PM] Neil: He and Jillian are hosting a strategy session or something

[9:04:01 PM] Neil: LET’S

[9:04:13 PM] Holly: Listen to him being a loud mouth, acting like he’s hard or something

[9:04:28 PM] Neil: Well damn, that’s harsh for someone who didn’t do anything until JUST NOW

[9:04:53 PM] Holly: Wait a minute

[9:05:04 PM] Holly: He’s gonna lie about Sabrina being against his religion

[9:05:26 PM] Holly: Let;s rewind to the first week, when Paul accused Andrew of being racist, remember how well that worked for him

[9:05:38 PM] Neil: This is true

[9:05:51 PM] Neil: There are some things you don’t do

[9:06:06 PM] Holly: Its dirty gameplay, even for Big Brother

[9:06:27 PM] Holly: Oh here comes Rachelle! You tell him girl!


[9:07:00 PM] Holly: He just backtracks!

[9:07:01 PM] Neil: How can this possibly benefit him?

[9:07:18 PM] Holly: I’ve been saying this the whole season, he is the worst player in the house.

[9:07:31 PM] Neil: I love how he thinks his plan is so good

[9:07:53 PM] Neil: if he wins, holy crap, I don’t know anything at all

[9:08:22 PM] Holly: Are you drinking

[9:08:26 PM] Neil: #SabrinaTears

[9:08:29 PM] Holly: Hahaha

[9:08:38 PM] Neil: I am not, sadly

[9:08:39 PM] Neil: I’ll bank them and drink a 40 for the finale

[9:09:06 PM] Holly: Oh here she goes!

[9:09:13 PM] Holly: She’s a-hollering

[9:09:45 PM] Holly: I hate to say it, but I’m taking Sabrina’s side on this one. And that hurts so so so much to say

[9:10:03 PM] Neil: Haha, I was just about to say something similar

[9:10:24 PM] Holly: That being said, I’m kind of glad it happened because Sabrina is having an all out meltdown

[9:10:43 PM] Neil: This is an all-time classic

[9:11:50 PM] Neil: I kinda lost some sympathy for her holding the jury vote over his head

[9:11:58 PM] Neil: But I can’t say I wouldn’t do the same

[9:14:10 PM] Holly: Well, I think everyone knew Sabrina was going to vote emotionally anyway. Her, Rachelle and Allison will for sure

[9:14:32 PM] Neil: Yep

[9:15:09 PM] Neil: But even still, I don’t think anyone respects Adel’s gameplay anyway

[9:16:18 PM] Holly: Nah, he’s getting by on sheer luck and idiocy

[9:16:31 PM] Holly: Is Neda waxing Jon’s stomach?

[9:16:42 PM] Neil: She sure is

[9:17:05 PM] Neil: She had cheese in her hair!

[9:17:09 PM] Holly: Jon just farting right on Neda

[9:17:28 PM] Neil: He got that fart face on

[9:17:30 PM] Neil: So focused

[9:17:37 PM] Neil: She loves it too

[9:17:41 PM] Neil: Don’t lie, girl

[9:18:06 PM] Holly: Nothing breaks the serious tone of a convo like a good loud fart

[9:18:45 PM] Neil: Combined with a good musty smell, serious convos can definitely be ended

[9:18:58 PM] Neil: Why is Alan Thicke standing beside a carrot?

[9:19:11 PM] Holly: Hahaha SHIT I missed that

[9:19:29 PM] Holly: PETER

[9:20:33 PM] Neil: Haha

[9:20:50 PM] Holly: If I was in that veto comp, I would fail miserably. I would just stop trying and go put the moves on Peter

[9:21:00 PM] Neil: What did he do before BB?

[9:21:06 PM] Holly: Nothing

[9:21:12 PM] Holly: Youtube videos

[9:22:21 PM] Neil: He threw that shit in the bushes as soon as this came around

[9:22:58 PM] Holly: He probably hit on Rachelle though, he has the hots for Pissy Pants Magee

[9:23:11 PM] Holly: Doesn’t help that her tittays are hanging out

[9:23:18 PM] Holly: Rachelle, put some damn clothes on

[9:23:23 PM] Neil: They are, aren’t they?

[9:23:27 PM] Neil: NOAP

[9:24:07 PM] Neil: wait

[9:24:08 PM] Neil: what?

[9:24:26 PM] Neil: This is the strangest gameplay I have ever seen

[9:24:45 PM] Holly: If you’re throwing a comp, at least make it look like you tried

[9:24:54 PM] Holly: Adel is so cocky

[9:24:58 PM] Neil: Especially if you’re HOH

[9:25:48 PM] Neil: You normally want your noms to stay the same if you make them

[9:27:00 PM] Holly: Yep

[9:27:20 PM] Holly: Throwing the veto comp when you’re HOH is mad shady

[9:27:51 PM] Neil: Some would say stupid

[9:28:41 PM] Holly: Seriously, Rachelle’s tittays are all the way out

[9:28:58 PM] Neil: Same with Heather’s

[9:29:03 PM] Neil: I approve of this game

[9:29:50 PM] Neil: Honestly, Heather has played the best game of anyone so far

[9:30:02 PM] Holly: So does Peter, staring at Rachelle’s tittays

[9:30:27 PM] Neil: Haha so jealous, I love it

[9:30:33 PM] Holly: Yes she has, Heather has done a really good job all the way through

[9:31:08 PM] Neil: That HOH proved that she was truly ’bout that life

[9:32:13 PM] Neil: Hahaha, they are PARTYIN

[9:32:35 PM] Holly: Giving no fucks about what the gremlin think

[9:32:50 PM] Neil: But that has been known to come back and bite mufuckas

[9:32:57 PM] Holly: See, Heather is throwing that comp good

[9:33:21 PM] Neil: Yep

[9:33:26 PM] Neil: She could have won that easily

[9:34:01 PM] Neil: #SabrinaTears

[9:34:06 PM] Holly: So many tears

[9:35:01 PM] Holly: I like how Sabrina instantly thinks it is Rachelle that’s going home.

[9:35:13 PM] Holly: So much for being humble

[9:35:24 PM] Neil: I know, right?

[9:35:45 PM] Neil: If I were Rachelle, I’d be like, um, they hate you WAY more

[9:35:54 PM] Neil: And I don’t know

[9:36:05 PM] Neil: They’ve had 37 chances to evict sabrina

[9:36:24 PM] Neil: I’m afraid if they keep putting it off, she’ll fuck around and end up in the final two

[9:37:01 PM] Holly: I dont think there is any way she could go final two. I don’t think she’d win any of the parts of the final HOH

[9:37:36 PM] Neil: Stranger shit has happened on this show

[9:38:15 PM] Neil: Poor Neda

[9:38:23 PM] Neil: Always getting some extra shit

[9:38:40 PM] Neil: Both of her HOHs this season, she never even got a room 😦

[9:39:17 PM] Holly: She hasn’t complained about it though, good for her

[9:39:45 PM] Neil: She tryna get this threesome poppin’ tho

[9:40:41 PM] Holly: In true Jillian fashion, she just stands there not giving any advice because Emmett played for her all season

[9:40:57 PM] Neil: Haha

[9:41:05 PM] Neil: She came up big when she had to

[9:41:11 PM] Neil: She’s from Scotia too, isn’t she?

[9:41:24 PM] Holly: Yep

[9:41:28 PM] Neil: SCOTIA

[9:41:35 PM] Holly: Jillian is a basic bitch tho

[9:41:45 PM] Holly: Nice leopard print shirt

[9:42:18 PM] Neil: “Basic bitch”….that’s being incorporated into the lexicon

[9:42:27 PM] Neil: I don’t know what it means, but I will figure it out

[9:42:32 PM] Holly: I’m surprised it’s not already

[9:43:03 PM] Neil: Um

[9:43:12 PM] Neil: Why is Emmett wearing an African chain?

[9:43:23 PM] Holly:

[9:43:37 PM] Holly: Because he was just in Africa

[9:43:45 PM] Holly: On Big Brother Manzi

[9:43:55 PM] Neil: Bet the fuck outta here

[9:45:31 PM] Neil: SON

[9:45:34 PM] Neil: 4. You tweet: “It’s 11:11. Make a wish!”

[9:45:59 PM] Holly: This is pretty funny

[9:46:00 PM] Holly:

[9:47:03 PM] Neil: I’ll check it out after we’re done….I feel I need to do some serious research on basic bitches

[9:47:28 PM] Neil: Pedo bunny?

[9:48:51 PM] Holly: I hope there is an all out riot looking for these eggs

[9:49:00 PM] Holly: Throwing elbows, tripping people

[9:49:56 PM] Neil: Neda tryna ruin Easter boooooooooooooo

[9:50:12 PM] Holly: Hahaha I like it

[9:50:30 PM] Holly: Cynicism

[9:50:50 PM] Holly: Adel, calm the hell down. He’s screaming in everyone’s face

[9:50:55 PM] Neil: I bet he gets Screech

[9:51:04 PM] Neil: And I really don’t like him now

[9:51:11 PM] Neil: Adel, that is

[9:52:16 PM] Holly: AW SHIT

[9:52:35 PM] Holly: They just showed Rachelle falling out of the hammock

[9:52:49 PM] Holly: That was this week’s segment of Shit Rachelle Did

[9:53:04 PM] Neil: And the shitty rapping

[9:53:23 PM] Neil: Is she is a basic bitch?

[9:56:43 PM] Neil: I implore everyone to watch the trailer for that “Devious Maids” show…..holy shit, that was BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD

[9:57:45 PM] Holly: Wh wow that is terrible

[9:58:53 PM] Neil: Wow

[9:59:24 PM] Neil: Sabrina really has no concept of the idea that SHE could go home

[10:00:25 PM] Holly: Noap

[10:00:30 PM] Holly: She is delusonal

[10:01:11 PM] Neil: My prediction for tomorrow night: she gets voted out and slips on her tears walking through the door

[10:02:21 PM] Holly: Sadly, I think we’ll have to endure her for another week.

[10:02:36 PM] Holly: But it may be interesting to see how she acts all by herself in the house

[10:03:11 PM] Neil: Yeah, you’re right

[10:03:19 PM] Neil: She’s of more use to people than Rachelle

[10:03:30 PM] Neil: Who is around to be hot and gross at the same damn time

[10:04:33 PM] Holly: She’s a ratchet hoe

[10:05:20 PM] Neil: Well, over the next week before we do this again, I will have basic bitches figured out

[10:05:43 PM] Neil: Maybe she’ll grow into basic bitchery

[10:05:48 PM] Neil: She’s still young

[10:06:02 PM] Holly: Word ‘em up

Mad Men S07E02 – A Day’s Work

After a solid return, Mad Men comes back with “A Day’s Work”, which makes for quite the eventful Valentine’s Day at Sterling Cooper Magic Johnson and Timothy or whatever the hell they’re calling it now. Office politics are getting outta hand, Don still has a secretary somehow, and no one cares about poor little Petey. Let’s go….

-Don is chillin’, eating Ritz crackers like a boss, because he ain’t go not job and he ain’t got shit to do (he might as well get high, shoutout to Friday). He is trying to cut back or quit drinking, which is still blowing my mind. He gets a knock on the door and it’s Dawn, who is his little spy at the office. Of course Don Draper has a secretary and no job; IT’S DRAPER SEASON, BITCHES.

-Peggy is in the funk of all funks to start the season; she is getting shit on by new boss Lou Avery and the dude she loves (Ted) bailed with his family to Los Angeles and it’s Valentine’s Day. She wants Stan to hand in some work before the end of the day so she can work on it over the weekend because, lonely, but Stan brushes off what she says and along with Ginsberg, proceed to mentally beat her down in her single-ness. It was kinda funny, but damn, Peggy, you’re better than this. Ginsberg saying that she had an evening of gloomy masturbation planned? And he DIDN’T get punched? I don’t like this new Peggy.

-Next is a conference call between the office in New York, and Pete out in Los Angeles. Pete says he has an in with a Chevrolet guy out west and thinks he is getting the next account, but the rest of the gang want Bob Benson on the job, which of course makes Pete livid. But I don’t care about this part of the scene; the best shit is the problems they’re having with conference calls because it’s 1968, no one knows if anyone is still on the line, and Roger just doesn’t care about anything outside of swinger sex, apparently. I figure drugs is in on that as well.

-Pete continues to bitch about not being appreciated, first to Ted, who tells him to “just cash the checks; you’re going to die one day” when Pete says something about starting his own company. I feel like he has tried this before and got shot down. He also tries with his girl, Bonnie, who resists Pete’s advances because she has an open-house to run and she has her own shit to do, which is different from the women in New York. That’s fine with Pete because deep down, he likes being told what to do.

-Dawn and Shirley are having a chat about the white people in the office calling them by the other’s name, and I’m going to say that this is the third time that two black people have had a scene together in Mad Men at the same time. This has been ongoing throughout the run of the series, and when Mad Men handles race relations, it’s often awkward and clunky. Shirley is Peggy’s secretary, and Peggy sees some flowers at her desk, but she thinks they are hers. They’re actually from Shirley’s fiancee. That’s going to be awkward when the truth comes out. However, Peggy cuts off Shirley’s explanation and wants her to send a note to Ted, whom she presumes sent said flowers.

-While Shirley is dealing with that, Dawn is keeping Don in the loop while getting flowers to Lou’s wife, and then Sally Draper shows up at the office while no one but Lou is there. Sally doesn’t know her dad doesn’t work there anymore, so shit gets awkward with Lou. Now that I think about it, “awkward” would be the perfect word for this episode, but there are a ton of awkward Mad Men episodes out there. Anyway, Sally has no idea what is going on because this isn’t the office she is used to, while Lou yells at Dawn for this, like it’s her fault. Lou comes off as a bit of a dickhead so far. He wants Dawn gone to another part of the office.

-Why is Sally in the city, you ask? We learn at the beginning of the episode that her roommate’s mother has passed away, so she and her friends have used the day as an excuse to go shopping. She lost her purse, which is why she was looking for Don, but obviously, she doesn’t know what is going on.

-Speaking of, Joan is just getting bombarded as she is handling accounts now, plus handling all of the secretaries, so she moves Dawn out of Lou’s hair, but now she is out front and Bert Cooper is wary of a black woman being able to be seen from the elevators. That sucks, Bert….you were my dogg. But I suppose I should have expected it because, Mad Men.

-Don is out having lunch with a colleague from another agency, where he learns there are stories going around the industry as to why he has been out of commission for a while. Say what you want, but Don is very good at his job and he will get scooped up by someone, whether it’s the old crew or someone else. Plus, he likes getting his ego massaged and this meeting did that.

-Back at the office, Peggy wants the flowers gone, saying they’re cursed, which is when Shirley tells her they weren’t for her in the first place. Peggy loses it and goes on about how Shirley embarrassed her, but really, she is just embarrassing herself with her outburst. That shit is really unlike Peggy, and it’s probably not going to get any better any time soon.Then she bursts into Joan’s new office, demanding that Shirley is moved and Joan is like, “I ain’t got time for that shit”.

-On the low, Dawn gets promoted to handling the secretaries so Joan only has one job now. You can tell the office culture is changing with the times. I know it’s only two episodes, but there is substantially less drinking and smoking in the office, there are more women around, Joan and Peggy have positions of authority (kinda) and hell, Dawn is even doing stuff. Keep an eye on this.

-Finally, we have Don and Sally, who finds Don at the apartment and he lies to her about working, then when she says she needs a written excuse as to why she is gone, Don tells her to tell the truth, which damn near made me spit on my laptop. While in the car, Don actually tells her the truth about not working, she chastises him and Don feels like the child, which in many ways, he is. She says something about it being more embarrassing to catch him in the lie than his actual lie, and that goes back to last season, when Sally walked in on Don and the doctor’s wife, Sylvia. Instead of going back to the school, they stop for lunch and Don starts telling Sally all sorts of things, like not wanting to go to California to be with Megan and not loving her anymore, which I don’t think he does. Hell, he doesn’t call her on Valentine’s Day. That is how most husbands and/or boyfriends die. When Sally gets dropped off, she tells Don she loves him, which may be the first time I’ve ever heard her say that. It’s definitely a rarity.

While I did say this was an awkward episode of Mad Men, I also think it was pretty humorous just because I don’t think they know any other type of humor. They didn’t stick too long on one thing, and they even threw in a few new wrinkles. Sally came back swinging and I’m interested to see how she progresses (which amuses me since I hated really young Sally) and I assume we’ll see Betty at some point soon, probably next week. Mad Men is off to a surprisingly strong start in the final season.


Game Of Thrones S04E03 – Breaker Of Chains

The third episode of Game Of Thrones wasn’t quite the showstopper that last week’s was, but I would argue it was consistently a better episode and these are the types of episodes that don’t get enough credit as we’re all so damn thirsty for dragons and nudity and killing and death and WHERE ARE THE DAMN DRAGONS ALL OF THE TIME. This set up the next few episodes nicely and in a story this vast, you need one of these every once in a while. Let’s go……

-We open with one final shot of the dead King Joffrey, and of course, Cersei is furious because she sees any hint of power she had disappear. She manages to get Tyrion, but Sansa is nowhere to be found and Tywin orders that King’s Landing is on lockdown until she is found. Then we watch Sansa on the run with Dontos, and she actually just goes along with the plan, only asking questions once. She is catching on. Old Sansa would have wasted so much time asking questions about where she is being led to, instead of just getting out of dodge.

-Littlefinger back! It has been a while since we’ve seen this slimy bastard, and of course, he’s all creepy looking in the fog and trying rub up on Sansa. I get he loved her mother, Catelyn, but come on, man. He kills Dontos instead of paying him and reveals that he had Dontos’ old family necklace” made himself, but that’s not surprising. What is, is that Littlefinger had to have known about Joffrey’s murder and that Sansa would get the blame for it, so is he intimating that he was behind it? Just to get up Sansa’s dress? What a creep.

-Lady O and Margaery try to go through what just happened, and what their power is now. Poor Margaery; first Renly (who was lovers with Loras, dude that is due to marry Cersei) and Joffrey, although as Lady O says, this has to be better than being married to him. She actually drops a lot of knowledge in this scene and it makes you scratch your chin because she is so nonchalant about it all.

-Tywin is breaking down what happens next to Tommen, who I forgot even existed until last week. They’re doing this, literally, over Joffrey’s dead body and Cersei is all, “this isn’t the time or the place”, and Tywin just keeps on going. Basically, Tywin tells Tommen that he will be king, but he should listen to his counsel, aka, Tywin, so it’s business as usual in King’s Landing. He runs the show and everyone knows it.

-Tywin leaves with his living grandson and Jaime enters the room, and Cersei starts to wail on about Jaime avenging their son’s death and Tyrion did it and all sorts of madness that she is prone to yell. Jaime is like, “the fuck was all this affection when you DIDN’T need me?”. He calls her hateful, and then….um…….yeah…..rape incest. Incest rape? Whatever you wanna call it, Jaime finally gets some from Cersei, but she isn’t really giving it away. All this is happening up against Joffrey’s casket thing, as well. Let’s add more levels of disturbance to this. Oh, she starts yelling, “it’s not right!”. Are you kidding me? NOW you’re getting all moralistic and shit? Yeesh.

-Arya and the Hound continue on their journey, and they run across a farmer and his young daughter, who proceeds to offer them shelter as a storm is coming. The farmer is just trying to say grace before they eat, and the Hound is making all kinds of cracks and threats. Hound learns that the farmer has silver and Arya was like, “why did you tell him that?”. Of course, she wakes in the morning to a scream and it’s the Hound, robbing the old farmer. Arya tries to chastise him and Hound is like, “look, these mufuckas are weak and will be dead by winter, and the dead don’t need no silver”. He also hits the line of the episode when he is talking about how things are now: “I just understand the way things are … how many Starks do they got to behead before you figure it out?. He’s not wrong. 

-We skip to Samwell Tarly and Gilly at Castle Black, and Sam is trying to convince Gilly to take her baby somewhere safe because he knows the wildlings are coming, but he also thinks that his fellow members of the Night’s Watch are about to run a train on Gilly. He thinks that all 100 men there are picturing her at night, but she is like, “what about you?”. GO IN, SAM. STOP BEING A BITCH.

-Stannis shows Davos a letter saying that Joffrey (Stannis’ nephew) is dead, and that he thinks it was Melisandre’s leech curse that did it. Davos has been trying to get crews together to fight for Stannis, but it isn’t enough. I wouldn’t fight for Stannis, either. He’s bland as shit. He desperately wants to fight for the crown, but he needs more people. Melisandre’s killer vagina shadows should help, no?

-Davos then goes for his reading lesson with Stannis’ daughter Shireen, but comes up with an idea for her to write a letter to the Iron Bank, which is quite a major piece of forgery. I have to read up on this part of the story because I really don’t understand why he is writing this letter, but man….I just don’t care about anything Stannis-related.

-Gilly shows up at Molestown, which she finds out is a whorehouse. But as a wildling, she is looked down upon by the whores, which has to be a blow to the ego. And wait a minute….Sam is worried about Gilly getting trains run on her, yet he takes her to a whorehouse with a room and a window and is like, you’ll be fine? With a baby? Poor, poor Sam. That’s good stuff.

-Next, it’s party time at Oberyn’s crib as there is an orgy going down, because, Oberyn. But Tywin rolls up in the spot and starts asking Oberyn questions about Joffrey’s murder (we learn Oberyn studied in poisoning, which I’m glad is no longer on the curriculum) to which Oberyn replies, what about my sister’s murder? Tywin then has an offer for Oberyn: he will introduce him to the Mountain, who allegedly raped and killed Oberyn’s sister, if he will sit on Tyrion’s jury with Tywin and Mace Tyrell, along with a spot on the king’s council. Tywin is goin’ hard trying to get Oberyn in on this because he knows he needs some help; he tells Oberyn of an impending open rebellion because of Joffrey’s death (this is where Stannis comes into play), the wildlings are coming from the north and in the east, there is a Targaryen girl with three dragons. Oberyn is like, “Dragons? Word?”. Them shits ring bells, I tell ya. But we also learn the Dornish, Oberyn’s people, fought the dragons during the last battle, so that’s why Tywin is so pressed to have them in the fold.

-Tyrion sits in his cell, where he gets a visit from Podrick (POD DA GAWD), who gives him a rundown of what is happening, when the trial is, that Oberyn is on the jury, that Sansa has up and gone (since that doesn’t look shady at all) and that he can call his own witnesses, all except Bronn. Pod also tells Tyrion that someone bribed him to testify against the imp, which Pod declined and now, we need a .gif of Pod wearing a “Stop Snitchin'” shirt. Tyrion tells Pod to get out of King’s Landing now before something happens, but first, send Jaime to Tyrion. Pod is such a soldier. Son’s gon’ end up like Bodie on The Wire, though.

-Ygritte takes down a man talking to his son before the wildlings get to pillaging and remember, they have those crazy cannibal dudes with them. The slaughter doesn’t last long, and you think it’s going to end with the boy at the beginning of the scene getting something ill stuff done to him, and you wouldn’t be overly wrong as the leader tells the boy that he is going to eat his dead parents, but the boy still has to run to Castle Black and tell what happened. That was a little-ass boy, how long would that take?

-The Night’s Watch wants to help the people in the villages (and the surrounding villages), but they have to watch The Wall. But they then learn that Mance Rayder is still at Craster’s and Jon Snow knows he told Mance they had a thousand men at Castle Black when they really only have 100. Basically, Mance will learn that and gather for an invasion. The Night’s Watch is fucked.

-Dany and her crew marches on Meereen, the whole 160-plus kilometers, which meant she had 160-plus hung-up dead slaves to make her even angrier. The Meereenians (???????) send out their champion rider, a dude on a horse that proceeds to pull it out and urinate towards Dany, who gets that “yo, this doesn’t even have to go down like this, bruh” look. The Meereenians laugh and Dany learns that they think she has an army with no balls, which isn’t wrong. Dany needs a champion and guess who steps up? Daario offers his services, while Jorah’s heart breaks a little bit more. The champion rider and his horse surge towards Daario, and the horse gets a knife in the eye for his troubles while the rider gets his head chopped off. Dany’s panties get a little wet. Off camera, Jorah probably threw his hands up. The Meereenian army shoot arrows at the Stormborn gang, to which Daario relieves himself.

-Dany goes on one of her patented speeches about freeing slaves and giving them the option to ride with her, but they’re now free and the real enemies are the slaveowners. She orders that a few catapults start shooting barrels at the slaves, but when the barrels smash and open there are chains inside. The slaves are like, “hmmmmmmm, I didn’t even know this was an option”. The slaveowners are like, “awwwwwwwwwwwwww shit”. And the episode ends.

-Why does the last slave look like the dude from Prison Break?

“Breaker of Chains” was about what I expected: dealing with the fallout of Joffrey’s death and people trying to figure out where to go next. The Littlefinger/Sansa stuff needs to be watched, while Tyrion better not be in a damn cell all season. The stuff between Jaime and Cersei, yeah, they need to sort that shit out. And we all know what that Stormborn Gang can do; she ain’t even pull the dragons out for these mufuckas! ‘Til next week….

Big Brother Canada 2 – I’d Have A Three-Way With A Moose (April 17th)

[9:00:01 PM] Neil: Just in time

[9:00:23 PM] Holly: Alright, let’s get this messery popping

[9:00:33 PM] Holly: I think tonight is gonna be a shitshow

[9:00:47 PM] Neil: Huge POV

[9:00:55 PM] Neil: But they say that every week

[9:01:02 PM] Neil: LOL, the gremlins

[9:01:49 PM] Holly: These people are all wild cards now. There is no loyalty, which means there is no telling what people are gonna do

[9:02:07 PM] Neil: NOAP

[9:02:12 PM] Neil: Friggin’ Marsha

[9:02:28 PM] Neil: And I don’t like the partyin’ the gremlins were doing

[9:02:47 PM] Holly: She’s the only girl I would let Peter have without being jealous

[9:03:00 PM] Neil: Hahaha

[9:03:07 PM] Holly: I don’t like this new term, gremlins

[9:03:37 PM] Holly: There has gotta be a better name for ‘em

[9:04:10 PM] Holly: Wait, you had one last week

[9:05:34 PM] Holly: Pissy Pants McGee and the Human Waterfall

[9:05:44 PM] Neil: Something about Pissy Pants McGee and the Human Waterfall

[9:05:47 PM] Neil: BAM

[9:05:58 PM] Holly: WOO

[9:06:39 PM] Neil: What in the hell, Jon?

[9:06:43 PM] Neil: NO DANCING

[9:07:05 PM] Holly: OK, so do we know what’s going on?

[9:07:11 PM] Holly: Where is Jon’s head at?

[9:07:27 PM] Neil: I think he honestly wants to get rid of Sabrina

[9:07:56 PM] Holly: Hmmm…

[9:08:11 PM] Holly: Oh Allison, you can’t win shit

[9:08:19 PM] Neil: Awwwwwwww shit

[9:08:28 PM] Neil: Take down one of the noms?

[9:08:31 PM] Holly: Why is Adel using his veto?

[9:08:47 PM] Neil: Oh wait never mind, I had that screwed up

[9:08:50 PM] Holly: He’s safe this week, no?

[9:08:59 PM] Neil: Yeah, but he just explained it

[9:09:11 PM] Neil: He doesn’t trust Allison

[9:09:17 PM] Holly: Right, but even if Allison took down one of them the other would go home

[9:09:23 PM] Holly: He’s safe with Jon

[9:09:28 PM] Neil: She is PISSED

[9:09:52 PM] Holly: I don’t blame her, he just showed her that she is the first to go in that alliance

[9:09:52 PM] Neil: And here we go

[9:10:13 PM] Holly: SEE?? He just pushed her right to Pissy Pants McGee and the Human Waterfall

[9:10:29 PM] Holly: Adel is a terrible player, I don’t know why people like him

[9:10:42 PM] Neil: Because he’s a nice guy, it seems

[9:10:53 PM] Neil: #SABRINATEARS

[9:10:57 PM] Holly: Worst move so far this year

[9:11:06 PM] Neil: That voice was shakin’ like shit

[9:12:25 PM] Holly: OK, so Adel just pushed Allison over to the other side, and now Neda and Jon are going to target another person on their side?

[9:12:30 PM] Holly: Wait wat?

[9:12:55 PM] Neil: Neda sees what Arlie is doing

[9:13:01 PM] Neil: He won’t do it tho

[9:13:10 PM] Holly: Right. And I agree with her, but not right now

[9:13:34 PM] Holly: You gotta get Rachelle out. Leave Sabrina hanging so she will do whatever you want her to do

[9:13:47 PM] Neil: Hell, one of the two

[9:13:54 PM] Neil: Then next week, take out the other

[9:14:00 PM] Neil: Then fight amongst yourselves

[9:14:23 PM] Neil: Well, put up whoever survives this week and Allison

[9:14:33 PM] Neil: Go from there

[9:14:40 PM] Neil: But I do see what she is saying

[9:15:14 PM] Holly: It’s definitely a risky move this week though

[9:15:54 PM] Holly: If they did put Arlie up and he went home, Allison would have a good chance of winning HOH, because we know Adel and Heather ain’t winning shit


[9:16:05 PM] Holly: Fail

[9:16:59 PM] Neil: Hahaha

[9:17:01 PM] Holly: Oh, that makes it better

[9:17:04 PM] Neil: This has some solid potential

[9:17:20 PM] Holly: Oh he’ll fail this, the house will win

[9:18:02 PM] Neil: I thought it was making her cry

[9:18:06 PM] Holly: He just comes out and asks like that?

[9:18:19 PM] Neil: WHAT THE SHIT

[9:18:21 PM] Holly: Really though!! Get Sabrina to cry, ask Heather on a date

[9:18:56 PM] Neil: I was gon’ say

[9:19:01 PM] Neil: Say you gotta poop

[9:19:13 PM] Holly: Adel is terrible at this, the house doesn’t even have to try to make him fail

[9:19:32 PM] Neil: FUCK, SHE IS GOING TO CRY

[9:19:48 PM] Neil: She won’t even realize she is doing it

[9:20:01 PM] Holly: She didn’t cry. It’s a god damn miracle

[9:20:19 PM] Neil: I thought he was gon’ say, “finally, a heaux”

[9:20:31 PM] Neil: Stupid hope

[9:21:10 PM] Neil: Damn, he was me in first-year stats

[9:21:54 PM] Holly: Hahaha, Marsha calling for Peter

[9:22:07 PM] Neil: She gon’ take your man!

[9:22:20 PM] Holly: I’d have a three-way with a moose

[9:22:32 PM] Neil: Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd we have our title

[9:22:40 PM] Holly: Hahaha damn

[9:23:21 PM] Holly: Did he just rip his shirt off?


[9:23:24 PM] Holly: NO

[9:23:38 PM] Holly: Oh I missed the robot because of the shirt ripping!

[9:23:40 PM] Neil: Oh man

[9:23:48 PM] Neil: All that was gooooooooooooood

[9:24:02 PM] Neil: See, I missed the shirt rippin’ because of the robot

[9:24:18 PM] Neil: Son looked like the random black dude from Chappelle’s Show

[9:24:25 PM] Holly: Well, between the two of us, we see it all

[9:24:28 PM] Holly: We make a good team

[9:24:42 PM] Holly: Oh that dude is my favorite!

[9:25:26 PM] Neil: I will forgive Rachelle if they scissor

[9:25:54 PM] Neil: Heather is hammered haha

[9:26:01 PM] Holly:

[9:26:24 PM] Neil: The drinking on this show is incredible

[9:26:26 PM] Holly: Oh I think this is where Allison gets trashed

[9:26:33 PM] Holly: Like, worse than Talla last year

[9:27:14 PM] Holly: Puking!

[9:27:16 PM] Neil: Hahahahaha

[9:28:15 PM] Neil: I’m totally doing the robot thing at Osheaga

[9:28:29 PM] Neil: And Jon absolutely isn’t backdooring Arlie

[9:28:39 PM] Neil: Guaran-damn-teed

[9:29:08 PM] Holly: Here’s the video of Allison SHITFACED after that dinner

[9:29:09 PM] Holly:

[9:30:22 PM] Neil: That is amazing

[9:31:10 PM] Neil: They could have talked on top of her and she wouldn’t have understood

[9:33:36 PM] Holly: Lol at Sabrina thinking she can win

[9:33:40 PM] Holly: Poor girl

[9:35:22 PM] Neil: These mufuckas are awful at comps

[9:35:25 PM] Holly: Tittays everywhere

[9:35:38 PM] Holly: Well, Rachelle’s tittays

[9:36:53 PM] Neil: SWOSH

[9:36:57 PM] Neil: Oh, Jon

[9:37:14 PM] Holly: He can’t count to 10

[9:37:19 PM] Holly: Poor guy

[9:37:47 PM] Neil: He’s gon win, tho

[9:38:01 PM] Neil: None of these people seem overly great in comps

[9:38:08 PM] Holly: Well, he is up against Rachelle, Adel and Sabrina

[9:38:10 PM] Neil: Which is good because it makes things interesting

[9:38:13 PM] Holly: The odds are in his favour

[9:41:14 PM] Neil: Sabrina in the background lookin’ like she’s going to die

[9:41:46 PM] Holly: Jon’s losing his mojo

[9:41:54 PM] Neil: Jesus, these mufuckas are AWFUL

[9:42:41 PM] Holly: Once again, I’m not sure why Arlie ever thought Jon wouldn’t be good in competitions

[9:43:23 PM] Neil: Isn’t he a hockey player?

[9:43:24 PM] Holly: Ok, If Jon and Neda believe that Sabrina and Rachelle wouldn’t put them up I will fly out to that house and spit on both of them

[9:43:29 PM] Holly: Yes, yes he is

[9:43:49 PM] Neil: Buncha underestimatin’ ass mufuckas

[9:44:20 PM] Holly: Those two girls can’t dance to save their lives

[9:44:29 PM] Holly: Literally, save their Big Brother lives

[9:45:03 PM] Neil: I bet they’re just a joy at the club

[9:46:35 PM] Neil: But I have a feeling he is just fuckin’ with them

[9:46:39 PM] Neil: And one of them will go home

[9:48:24 PM] Holly: Hhmmmm

[9:48:59 PM] Holly: I think he’s going up

[9:49:00 PM] Neil: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[9:49:19 PM] Holly: This has been the season of big moves, might as well keep it going, I guess

[9:49:41 PM] Holly: I don’t think it’s smart though

[9:50:17 PM] Neil: Me neither

[9:50:52 PM] Neil: Of course she’s gon be on board with them

[9:51:12 PM] Holly: I will give Allison some credit, shes got a great poker face

[9:51:26 PM] Holly: She’s really good at just looking like she’s going with the flow

[9:51:34 PM] Holly: If she was only a smarter player

[9:51:58 PM] Neil: Maybe that is her thing

[9:52:19 PM] Neil: Falling ass backwards into shit

[9:52:39 PM] Holly: I think either her or Adel are gonna win the game

[9:53:07 PM] Holly: Because everyone is forgetting about them. Peeps should be worried about the likable people at this point

[9:53:44 PM] Neil: Adel ain’t even on mufuckas’ radar

[9:55:19 PM] Holly: Uh oh

[9:55:38 PM] Holly: This house is about get go topsy turvy

[9:55:52 PM] Neil: Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow

[9:56:20 PM] Neil: DAMN

[9:56:27 PM] Holly: Well then

[9:56:30 PM] Holly: Arlie is up

[9:56:34 PM] Neil: He is FURIOUS

[9:56:40 PM] Holly: I don’t blame him

[9:56:42 PM] Holly: Wait for it

[9:56:45 PM] Holly: Waaaait for it

[9:56:47 PM] Neil: Like, kill mufuckas in their sleep furious

[9:56:54 PM] Neil: OH SHIT

[9:57:03 PM] Holly: I knew it!

[9:57:32 PM] Neil: Allison just slammed the table and yelled, “DOMINO, MUFUCKA”

[9:57:49 PM] Holly: TOPSY TURVY

[9:57:52 PM] Neil: #SABRINATEARS

[9:58:16 PM] Holly: And there you have it, Sabrina and Rachelle down, Adel and Arlie up

[9:58:21 PM] Neil: I may need to watch After Dark tonight

[9:58:31 PM] Holly: And this is all because Adel said that to Allison

[9:58:53 PM] Holly: Er, took her out of the veto

[9:59:19 PM] Holly: I’ll tell you this though, if Allison doesn’t win HOH this week she’s going home

[9:59:55 PM] Holly: Because she will get nominated, and she won’t have her veto. She’ll feel right dumb then

[10:00:21 PM] Neil: And all because she is petty

[10:00:26 PM] Neil: I can fucks with that

[10:00:44 PM] Neil: Well, that was just great

[10:01:09 PM] Holly: Well, I would like to end this blog entry with a new segment I’m calling “Things Rachelle did this week”

[10:01:22 PM] Holly: Take a look

[10:01:22 PM] Holly:

[10:02:08 PM] Neil: Son

[10:02:11 PM] Neil: SON

[10:02:28 PM] Neil: Like, a knuckle and a half deep!

[10:02:41 PM] Holly: It’s not just the picking

[10:02:48 PM] Neil: The saving and the eating!

[10:02:48 PM] Holly: I wish it was just the picking

[10:03:08 PM] Neil: She had time to contemplate how she was gon’ do it most inconspicuously


[10:03:50 PM] Neil: I bet there are all kinds of Rachelle boogies on the bottom of those couches and tables

[10:04:19 PM] Holly: But she’s eating them! That’s why she’s doing so well on slop

[10:04:26 PM] Holly: She’s snacking on boogies

[10:04:36 PM] Neil: Shit is like crackers to her slop soup

[10:04:40 PM] Neil: Fuckin’ hell

[10:05:20 PM] Neil: At this point, I would like her to stay in as long as possible

[10:05:32 PM] Neil: Because this segment has the chance to be brilliant

[10:06:14 PM] Holly: Well we have at least one more week of tomfoolery

[10:06:44 PM] Holly: At this point, she has peed in the hot tub, eating her boogies, I’m afraid of how she will outdo herself

[10:06:59 PM] Neil: We’ve seen her tampons hangin’ out

[10:07:02 PM] Neil: Next week

[10:07:04 PM] Holly: Oh right

[10:07:06 PM] Neil: She shits on something/someone

[10:07:18 PM] Holly: I was just about to say that!

[10:07:31 PM] Holly: Next week’s edition: scat play

[10:07:38 PM] Neil: Good Lord

[10:07:40 PM] Neil: I like it

[10:07:54 PM] Neil: Til then, bitches

Mad Men S07E01 – Time Zones

Mad Men kicked off its seventh and final season on Sunday, and it kinda flew under the radar because of Game Of Thrones, which is fitting as these two shows are about as opposite as it can get. You’re not going to get much physical action on Mad Men, but you will get some excellent acting and a show that looks the part of a “great” show. Whether or not the writing holds up, that’s another story. Anyway, let’s go…..

-“Time Zones” opens up with Freddie Rumsen pitching an ad campaign to Peggy, who is now the creative director of Sterling Cooper and Partners (remember, Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce merged with  Cutler, Gleason, and Chaough at the end of last season), but she never had the power that Don Draper had in this position. She’ll likely have to give it back whenever Don returns to the office, but for now, she has a hand in making the decisions, which is a start. She hits Freddie with a solid backhanded compliment basically saying she didn’t expect his idea to be that good. 

-The office is much different now that Pete and Ted are in Los Angeles, Bob Benson’s crazy ass is in Detroit, and Don isn’t there, which leaves Peggy, Ken Cosgrove (in Pete’s old spot) and Joan, who is sent to a meeting with Butler Shoes as Ken is too busy. Joan is finally officially doing some marketing work, but mufuckas still don’t take her seriously after all she has done for the company. She goes to said meeting, and the Butler guy doesn’t want to give her the time of day, but she does learn that Butler is going to pull their account from SC&P, which she manages to delay…..for now.

-We get to Don, who is making his way to Los Angeles to see Megan (#DemTeef), and he still isn’t back to work. The partners did force him to leave, so Don has been chillin’, flying between the two time zones (and you have the name of the episode). Megan picks him up at the airport in a convertible. Don is so not a California guy. He never has been. Every time he is out there, it just seems awkward.

-The two go out for dinner with Megan’s agent, Alan, who wants to reassure Don that he isn’t trying to get with Megan. He then tells her that she got a callback for a pilot on NBC, and he also tells her she doesn’t have to get her teeth fixed yet, which made me laugh, because, #DemTeef. Megan seems different; she has been hanging out with hippies and living in some sort of cabin, yet she drives a convertible. She won’t have sex with Don, which is probably tied to her miscarriage and, I don’t know, I’m not sure this marriage can handle the commuting. It’ll be interesting to see how it evolves. I’ve never been a big fan of this character anyway.

-Don hooks up with Pete, who is getting used to L.A. life nicely, gettin’ his tan on and looking less dorky. He has a nice girlfriend in real estate who seems to resist Don’s flirting and Pete doesn’t even seem to care. Pete with confidence….it’s a weird thing to see.

-Meanwhile, Ted is back in New York; he hates it in L.A., but he had to leave to save his family. Peggy doesn’t care one bit and all but kicks him in the nuts in the brief time they’re in the office together. Peggy is MISERABLE now. She seems to be a landlady of some sort, or maybe just a helpful neighbor to the lady upstairs whose toilet is messed up. She is moving up the corporate ladder, but personally, Peggy is a god-awful mess.

-Speaking of messes, Roger Sterling makes an appearance with a room full of women, like, four or five of them. He wakes up naked to a phone call from his daughter Margaret, who was beefin’ with Roger the last time he saw her and wouldn’t let him see his grandchild. He thinks she is trying to get money out of him because that was what happened last season, but he’ll find he is in for a surprise because at the lunch, she tells Roger she forgives him for all of his issues (the drinking, the womanizing, etc.). Roger still thinks the fix is in, but she just wants to forgive him…..for now.

-Don heads back to New York, and he sits down next to an attractive woman on the plane, because he’s Don motherfucking Draper. On first glance, I was like, I recognize this woman and she kinda looks like the doctor’s wife he was banging last season, but not her. Turns out it’s Neve Campbell, who I haven’t seen in ages. Good for her, doing stuff and things. She offers him a sleeping pill and he turns it down, surprisingly. The two flirt back and forth because, well, Don motherfucking Draper. He tells her he is a horrible husband to his wife, while she just spread her husband’s ashes at Disneyland. It’s a pretty weird exchange which I thought was going to end in the airplane bathroom, but not so much. Hell, they fall asleep and she even offers him a ride home, which would obviously end up in sex, but Don declines, and I’m so confused. How many times has Don turned down the chance to cheat on any of his wives? Two? Three? She turns away, but there is no way we don’t see Neve Campbell again. We don’t even know her name in the show, but she’ll be back.

-Don is chillin’ with Freddie, and we learn that Don has been feeding him with ideas and pitches to take back to the company, which makes total sense because, as Peggy alluded to, Freddie isn’t that good and that pitch from the beginning of the episode sounded like vintage Draper. Hell, he thinks to have a drink, but instead puts the bottle of booze down and goes outside to sit and think. Not drinking? Not cheating on his wife? WHO IS THIS DON DRAPER? The episode ends with the song, “You Keep Me Hangin’ On”, which is obviously towards his relationship with Megan. The final shot of Don just sitting is a trademark shot from Mad Men.

So, that was that. A solid first episode, even though it suffered in the ratings badly. It’ll be interesting to see how the whole split-season thing works out for Mad Men, which will run seven episodes now and the rest in the spring of next year. It worked for The Walking Dead and Breaking Bad, but will people still care about a show with little to no action (guns, violence, etc.), even a show with a pedigree like Mad Men has? That could be a bigger storyline than anything we see on the show.

Game Of Thrones S04E02 – The Lion And The Rose

In the wonderful, wonderful world of Game Of Thrones, it is always a big occasion when someone gets married. That is to be expected: weddings are a big deal. But “The Lion And The Rose” (a nod to the respective banners of the wedding participants: Joffrey, who is technically a Baratheon, but he reps the Lannister lion and Margaery, who is under the Tyrells’ golden rose) continues the Westeros tradition of bloody weddings. And oh my, how mufuckas did party. Let’s go…………

-The episode opens with Ramsey, some girl and the return of Theon, who has been tortured and castrated to the point that he now thinks his name is Reek and he is basically a slave to Ramsey, who is chasing another girl through the woods with dogs. They eventually shoot her with an arrow, but instead of putting her out of her misery, Ramsey lets his dogs eat their prey while Theon watches. That dude is a mess, and you kinda feel bad for him, then you remember he burned those kids. So yeah….shit happens, homie.

-Tyrion and Jaime sit down to a nice lunch, but Jaime is bummed about the whole “hand gone” thing, and likely Cersei’s rebuff of his advances. But Tyrion is happy as hell, and if there is one person that has always been nice to him in the Lannister clan, it is his older brother. Tyrion suggests that Jaime go to Bronn to learn how to fight with his left hand. Jaime sure is a persistent dude.

-Roose Bolton (who was last seen sending the Lannisters’ regards to Robb Stark) chastises his crazy son, Ramsey, for turning Theon into his plaything. He also throws Ramsey some shade for being a bastard son, but, isn’t that your fault, dude? Fathers ain’t really about shit in Game Of Thrones, and the good one got his head chopped off in season one. Roose wanted to use Theon as a trade chip to take over the North, and thinks he is useless, but Ramsey proves to his father that Theon is totally on their side now. As Theon has a straight edge to his neck while shaving him, Ramsey tells him about Robb, who was like a brother to Theon. Theon gets a tick again, but doesn’t cut Ramsey, who has REALLY done a number on the guy.

-Varys, he of the little birds (spies) around King’s Landing, tells Tyrion that Shae has been found out by Cersei and Tywin Lannister and that she needs to get the fuck out NOW. Tyrion knows what he has to do, but doesn’t know how to do it. I know how you feel, bruh.

-Joffrey and Margaery make their first appearance and they’re receiving wedding gifts. He gets a goblet from his father-in-law to be, while Tyrion gives him a book on the four Targaryen kings. You think Joffrey is going to flip, but he says something nice and thanks Tyrion, to which I said, “Say whaaaaaaaaaa?”. But don’t fret: you’re not going crazy. Tywin gives his grandson one of the swords he had forged from Ned Stark’s sword in the premiere, so Joffrey tests it out…..on Tyrion’s book. The entire time, you just want to smack the shit outta his smarmy face. Jack Gleeson absolutely dominates this episode. When he says that cutting the book was like cutting off Ned’s head, in front of Sansa? Good Lord. And he didn’t even cut shit. He takes credit for a lot of shit he didn’t do, but we’ll get to that in a bit.

-Shae meets Tyrion in his room, but Tyrion isn’t having it and tells her there is a ship waiting for her to get out of King’s Landing. She says a whole bunch of nonsense about love ruling and they’ll fight his father together, to which I say, “are you insane?”. I appreciate her belief in love conquering all, but that shit ain’t gon’ fly and sometimes, that shit ain’t enough. Tyrion has to go all the way and tells her that as a Lannister, he can’t love a whore. Harsh, but he had to get her to go somehow.

-Melisandre has convinced Stannis to burn his trusted aides, and I gotta say, she has him wrapped: that killer vagina, as it were, shoutout to the shadow she gave birth to. Davos stays questioning Melisandre and Stannis still isn’t having it. Later, Stannis, his wife Selyse and Melisandre are having dinner, and she suggests that Melisandre talk to their daughter, Shireen, who isn’t feeling Melisandre at all. I keep forgetting Stannis has a wife, who is apparently down for open relationships. Shireen isn’t buying Melisandre’s version of heaven and hell, either. That probably won’t work out well for her.

-We hook up with Bran, who is dreaming that he is his wolf, which is hunting a deer. He is awoken and he and his crew continue their journey, but he is warned by Jojen that he shouldn’t spend too much time as his wolf or he’ll forget how to be human. They come up on a tree with a face, which Bran touches and gets a vision of the three-eyed eagle, along with a host of others. He hears a voice to look for something beneath a tree in the North, and that’s all fine and good. But what about that big-ass dragon shadow he sees over Winterfell? That was intriguing. But we probably won’t know what that is all about for a few seasons.

-Alright, now down to the business of Joffrey and Margaery’s wedding. Scenes between Tywin and Lady Olenna Tyrell are always good, and they’re talking about the cost of the wedding, among other things. And the shit was extravagant: fire breathers, jugglers, booze, food, mufuckas were partyin’. She then goes to Sansa to give her condolences about her brother, while Tyrion gets word from Bronn (who had a busy episode between teaching Jaime to fight again and taking Shae to her ship and getting slapped in the process) that Shae is gone. But I doubt that is the last we see of her, because, Game Of Thrones.

-Margaery announces that Joffrey will give the leftover food from the wedding to the poor, because someone has to run public relations for this nasty mufucka. But Cersei isn’t having that at all, and tells Maester Pycell (who was jailed by Tyrion for being Cersei’s spy) that he better feed the leftovers to the dogs, or he will be dog food. Ignorant for no damn reason. Cersei ain’t shit. Just tryna flex her muscles.

-Jaime rolls up on Loras Tyrell, who is due to wed Cersei, but we have seen in the past as the lover of Renly Baratheon and is now flirting with Prince Oberyn. Jaime tries to tell Loras that Cersei will kill him in his sleep, but this is just a front to get him to not marry his sister. Loras replies with, “you’re not marrying her, either”. Remember smart-ass Jaime? He lost more than his hand; he has also lost his wit. Cersei then calls out Brienne for having feelings with Jaime, which she doesn’t deny, but walks away. The dynamic between Jaime and Cersei is so…..I don’t know. It’s all fine and kinda sweet, until you remember that they’re twins.

-Oberyn and his lady, Ellaria, meet with Cersei and Tywin, and the four of them throw all sorts of shade at each other. The highlights are Cersei calling out Ellaria for being a bastard, which she embraces, and Oberyn brings up the fact that his sister was murdered, probably on Tywin’s order (he didn’t say the last part out loud, though).

-Joffrey speaks up and says that people are having too much fun at a wedding; imagine that, right? He calls for a crew of dwarfs to recreate the War of the Five Kings, and proceeds to hit this maniacal laugh which is pretty chilling, even on the second viewing. Right about then, Margaery and Lady O get looks like, “the fuck have we married into?”. It is especially offensive to Tyrion (dwarfs) and Sansa (a wolf’s head is getting humped by a dwarf and of course, the wolf is the sign of the Starks), and Joffrey is cackling so hard that he spits out his wine. It’s pretty disturbing, to be honest. He then suggests Tyrion go out and fight the dwarfs, which he declines and instead, suggests Joffrey do it to show how a real king wins the throne. Joffrey wants no parts of a battle of wits with Tyrion, but he doesn’t need to, because he is the king.

-Joffrey then kicks it up a notch, pouring his wine over Tyrion’s head and orders him to be his cupbearer; basically, follow him around and make sure his wine is full. Tyrion is humiliated, but handles it as well as possible, but when Joffrey orders him to bow before his king, Tyrion is like, “You know what? Fuck that”. Margaery tries to diffuse the situation by announcing the arrival of the wedding pie, which is HUGE. Joffrey cuts it with his sword and doves fly out, and Margaery feeds him some pie, so he surely needs some wine, calling on Tyrion, who tries to leave with Sansa. Tyrion gives him a glass and Joffrey drinks, but the king starts to get all choked up, so to speak. He begins to clutch his throat and eventually falls to the ground, while Jaime and Cersei run to try and help him.

-Man, listen…..when Joffrey is vomiting while choking on his own vomit, with blood coming out of his nose? I wanted to pour champagne out. It looked painful as hell, and nothing less than he deserved. Fuck Joffrey, fuck his reign, fuck his sword, fuck his crown, fuck him for killing that prostitute with a crossbow, all around, super fuck him and his memory. The final scene focused on his face needs to be a t-shirt.

-He finally dies, pointing and looking at Tyrion, who is picking up the poisoned goblet (shoutout to Hamlet) and Cersei is enraged. Watch it again and look at her eyes: you can see the burning fires of hell in them. She yells that Tyrion poisoned the king and that he needs to be taken away.

-You may have missed this if you were partyin’ on Joffrey’s death (for which you wouldn’t be blamed), but Dontos steps up to Sansa and is like, “Yo, we need to get the fuck outta here NOW). Dontos was the guy who showed up drunk to a jousting tournament on Joffrey’s birthday, which Joffrey took as an insult.

So, that was that. The first half of the episode was kinda meh, just because I don’t care about those storylines, however important they might be. But the second half? WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…..this might trump the Red Wedding for me. And the question is, who killed Joffrey? When you think about it, who DIDN’T have a reason to kill him? Name one person that liked the kid. I’m sure Cersei has even thought about it, but he was her key to power, and now that is gone. Even Jaime came back last week and was like, you’re quite the little asshole, aren’t ya?

Shoutout to Jack Gleeson, who is apparently retiring from acting to go back to school. Joffrey is an awful, awful, AWFUL character in the books, but Gleeson made him even more deplorable and it must have been hard to do, because I assume he isn’t a dick like that in real life. To go out like he did in “The Lion And The Rose”, with one final “holy shit, that kid is an asshole” type of performance, hats off, good sir. Well done.

No one is safe in Game Of Thrones, and that is why we love it. Buckle up.


Big Brother Canada 2 – Why Is Rachelle Looking Like A Goth Queen From 1987? (April 9th)

This episode of Big Brother Canada 2 was all over the place, but some stuff that didn’t happen in the main show is what we’re partyin’ over. A damn shame, I tell ya. Let’s go…..

[8:57:14 PM]  Neil: So much for 15 early…..slow computers and super clogged kitchen sinks

[8:57:31 PM] Holly: Gotta stop putting chicken bones down the sink

[8:57:41 PM]  Neil: CZM

[8:58:12 PM] Holly: This episode of Big Brother live is brought to you by Racial Wednesdays!

[8:59:26 PM] Holly: So before the show starts, lets recap what happened last night

[8:59:32 PM] Holly: PEE GATE

[8:59:34 PM] Holly:

[9:00:18 PM]  Neil: I think Racial Wednesdays should be our official sponsor

[9:00:40 PM] Holly: Wednesdays are a busy day for us

[9:02:26 PM]  Neil: I love that she just tried to move away from the pee

[9:02:32 PM]  Neil: It wasn’t me

[9:02:39 PM]  Neil: Shoutout to Shaggy

[9:03:06 PM] Holly: I saw you peeing in the hot tub *It wasn’t me*

[9:03:41 PM]  Neil: Heeeeeeeeeeeeey, Kenny has a shirt on in the DR

[9:03:53 PM] Holly: Oh Kenny, I’m surprised he isn’t crying already

[9:03:54 PM]  Neil: There is something you don’t see every day

[9:04:10 PM]  Neil: Are we drinking when Sabrina cries?

[9:04:27 PM] Holly: You are, I’m still sick so Im drinking lemon honey water

[9:04:48 PM] Holly: Ah fuck it, I’ll open a cider

[9:05:15 PM]  Neil: Atta girl

[9:05:24 PM] Holly: Allison is the worst player ever. She’s so mopey

[9:05:59 PM]  Neil: Heather is just chillin with her cereal like WHAT UP

[9:06:26 PM] Holly: And Heather is officially the last person to know about the “First 5” alliance. She really wasn’t giving any fucks in the house until she became HOH

[9:07:02 PM]  Neil: Heather has her plan and gives no fucks about what anyone else thinks

[9:07:26 PM]  Neil: SARAH’S EYEBROWS

[9:07:29 PM] Holly: Hi, Sarah’s eyebrows! You’re looking extra chola tonight

[9:07:37 PM]  Neil: Hahaha

[9:08:11 PM]  Neil: That’s cute

[9:08:16 PM]  Neil: They still think they have the numbers

[9:08:47 PM] Holly: Heather’s two voices are weirding me out. Pick a voice, girl

[9:09:22 PM]  Neil: The dumb voice makes people think she is dumb

[9:09:26 PM]  Neil: It’s a good plan

[9:09:31 PM]  Neil: Annoying, but good

[9:09:32 PM] Holly: Arlie’s doubling dipping is gonna get him busted real soon

[9:10:04 PM]  Neil: He thinks he is too smart for his own good

[9:10:24 PM] Holly: Alright veto picks, let’s hope for Adel, Arlie and Neda

[9:11:06 PM]  Neil: From Pat: you don’t try to win ANY challenges, arlie!

[9:11:17 PM]  Neil: Man

[9:11:26 PM]  Neil: That sucks that she can’t control her bladder

[9:11:28 PM]  Neil: Good grief

[9:11:39 PM] Holly: If he could make it believable that he’s trying to win it would be a smart move, but everyone is on to him.

[9:11:42 PM] Holly: He’s a terrible actor

[9:11:50 PM]  Neil: Awful

[9:11:56 PM] Holly: Rachelle?

[9:11:56 PM]  Neil: Well, that sucks for heather’s plan

[9:12:03 PM]  Neil: Yep

[9:12:54 PM] Holly: Kenny has a good chance of winning against Sabrina and Rachelle, that’s for sure

[9:13:12 PM] Holly: Hey, we’re 12 minutes in and Sabrina hasn’t cried yet. What gives?

[9:13:22 PM]  Neil: I said fuck it and took a drink

[9:13:26 PM] Neil: Because fuck her

[9:13:42 PM]  Neil: So heather gotta win

[9:13:45 PM] Holly: She’s crying on the inside

[9:16:20 PM]  Neil: If it’s a memory game, Heather is good

[9:16:21 PM]  Neil: Anything else?

[9:16:26 PM]  Neil: Meeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[9:17:09 PM] Holly: oh here we go, drinking and partying

[9:17:22 PM]  Neil: Not one lick of rhythm up in that mufucka

[9:18:05 PM]  Neil: I don’t know who this is

[9:18:08 PM] Holly:

[9:18:34 PM] Holly: Wait, who the hell is this guy? Candice called and I missed who that was

[9:18:49 PM]  Neil: That “white people” gif is so amazing

[9:18:55 PM] Holly: Is Jon wearing shoulder pads?

[9:18:58 PM]  Neil: He’s the host of Yukon Gold

[9:19:07 PM]  Neil: Whatever the hell that is

[9:19:12 PM] Holly: Oh, OK. The hell is a Yukon Gold?

[9:19:22 PM] Holly: I assume a show about gold in the Yukon

[9:19:32 PM]  Neil: One can only assume

[9:19:44 PM] Holly: ZOMG A GOLDEN NUGGET

[9:19:54 PM] Holly: Get that nugget, girl!

[9:20:36 PM] Holly: So this veto comp they just dig for gold?

[9:20:59 PM] Neil: Yep

[9:21:00 PM] Holly: Ohhhh…spelling veto! These ones always go so very wrong

[9:21:07 PM] Holly: Because people do not know how to spell

[9:22:59 PM]  Neil: Kenny ain’t got shit

[9:23:03 PM]  Neil: Fuck

[9:23:06 PM]  Neil: That refocus

[9:23:08 PM]  Neil: He gon’ win

[9:23:59 PM] Holly: Allison is freaking right out.

[9:24:17 PM]  Neil: Yep

[9:24:19 PM]  Neil: She is fucked

[9:25:24 PM] Holly: So Arlie’s gonna throw it by spelling “cat” or something, Allison didnt get a word

[9:25:28 PM] Holly: Sabrina is French

[9:25:47 PM] Holly: Rachelle and Heather have a combined IQ of 84

[9:25:53 PM] Holly: This isn’t looking promising

[9:25:54 PM]  Neil: 8.4

[9:26:03 PM] Holly: My mistake

[9:26:09 PM] Holly: Haha

[9:26:52 PM]  Neil: As soon as Kenny hit that refocus, I figured that was that

[9:27:31 PM] Holly: All I can think about is if they are going to address Rachelle peeing in the pool, we need to see the reactions.

[9:28:10 PM] Holly: Rachelle spelled crest?

[9:28:29 PM] Holly: FARTING

[9:28:36 PM] Holly: Go Arlie

[9:28:37 PM]  Neil: Extra points for FARTING

[9:29:06 PM] Holly: I KNEW IT

[9:29:16 PM] Holly: Heather can’t spell for shit

[9:29:22 PM]  Neil: YOU FUCKING FUCK

[9:29:25 PM]  Neil: HOLY SHIT

[9:29:38 PM] Holly: We had so much faith in Heather this week!

[9:29:54 PM] Holly: Who doesn’t know how to spell wishful?

[9:30:01 PM]  Neil: My goodness

[9:30:20 PM]  Neil: She wouldn’t have won anyway, but that isn’t the point

[9:30:22 PM]  Neil: FUCKING SPELL

[9:30:50 PM] Holly: I blame the school system

[9:31:39 PM] Holly: Arlie’s creativity with his body hair is getting out of control

[9:32:10 PM] Holly: Oh, Kenny talking to Heather, this is always a delight

[9:32:23 PM]  Neil: I knew he was gon’ say Jon

[9:32:32 PM] Holly: He has a one track mind

[9:33:17 PM] Holly: So he tries to convince her to put up an ally, and then begs for Sarah not to go up? IDIOT

[9:35:18 PM]  Neil: So, Sarah is going up

[9:35:33 PM]  Neil: Rachelle manages to stay in the house despite the fact that she’s a pissy pants

[9:35:36 PM] Holly: Well, Kenny made that an easy choice

[9:36:13 PM]  Neil: Heather would be stupid NOT to put her up now

[9:37:00 PM] Holly: She may not be able to spell, but she can’t be that stupid

[9:37:02 PM] Holly: Can she?

[9:37:31 PM]  Neil: She can

[9:37:54 PM] Holly: Here comes the secret veto

[9:38:18 PM] Holly: And dumb as rocks Allison finds the clue

[9:38:22 PM]  Neil: SECRET VETO

[9:39:31 PM]  Neil: You about to get caught!

[9:39:31 PM] Holly: She doesn’t want to look suspicious, so she goes in the pool in her clothes?

[9:39:45 PM]  Neil: Fuck, they went in

[9:39:51 PM] Holly: This girl….I don’t know about her


[9:40:31 PM]  Neil: FUCKING RACHELLE

[9:40:59 PM] Holly: Mike sent it to me, I can’t find the picture online

[9:41:29 PM] Holly: And for everyone who’s confused about what we’re talking about, it’s a picture of Rachelle bending over with her tampon string hanging out

[9:41:39 PM] Holly: Keeping it classy in the Big Brother house

[9:42:59 PM]  Neil: It’s like she doesn’t know cameras are always watching her

[9:43:29 PM] Holly: So the secret veto is in the war room, which Allison already knows about

[9:43:33 PM] Holly: Booorrrrring

[9:44:19 PM]  Neil: Well shit

[9:44:49 PM]  Neil: I want her to pull that shit out and slam it on the table like dominoes

[9:45:34 PM] Holly: On a side note, I did know Allison found it earlier in the week

[9:45:44 PM] Holly: And it actually took her almost all day to find that damn room

[9:45:57 PM] Holly: It was a comedy of errors

[9:46:17 PM]  Neil: So she can use that three times?

[9:46:46 PM] Holly: I think she can only use it once, but for the next three veto comps

[9:47:01 PM] Holly: But maybe she can use it three times, it was pretty unclear

[9:47:32 PM]  Neil: Well, she already couldn’t tell anyone about the room

[9:48:07 PM] Holly: It would have been great if someone else found the room though, they may have realized that’s where Allison was before she was in the house

[9:51:06 PM] Neil: That would have been good

[9:51:24 PM]  Neil: And Rachelle peeing would have been more entertaining than that segment

[9:51:40 PM] Holly: Arlie is the worst liar!

[9:53:08 PM]  Neil: And he thinks he’s sooooooooooo good

[9:53:24 PM] Holly: He thinks he’s safe

[9:53:34 PM] Holly: But the other side would get rid of him first as well

[9:53:42 PM] Holly: He’s sitting in the worst possible position right now

[9:54:12 PM]  Neil: How can you trust someone like that?

[9:54:52 PM] Holly: You can’t, and he’s only getting worse as he lets it go to his head

[9:55:14 PM] Holly: Cockiness will get you booted from the house. Ask Andrew, and Tom from last season, and sadly, Peter.

[9:55:43 PM]  Neil: Peter was who I thought of first

[9:55:55 PM] Holly: Sigh, yeah.

[9:56:00 PM] Holly: He’s still cute though

[9:56:48 PM]  Neil: Haha

[9:56:52 PM]  Neil: You and your nerds

[9:57:19 PM] Holly: Sarcastic spiteful nerds win my heart

[9:57:33 PM] Holly: Why is Rachelle looking like a goth queen from 1987?

[9:57:49 PM]  Neil: Fuck, we’re just gon shit on her until she leaves

[9:58:01 PM]  Neil: And if Allison doesn’t use this, she’s insane

[9:58:07 PM] Holly: She’s making it easy for us

[9:58:24 PM] Holly: You think Allison will use her veto before tomorrow night?

[9:58:37 PM]  Neil: Oh, i thought she had to use it tonight

[9:58:46 PM]  Neil: But yeah, we will see tomorrow if she uses it

[9:59:01 PM] Holly: No, she can use it after the veto ceremony, so I assume she can use it just before the voting tomorrow

[9:59:32 PM]  Neil: PAWNS GO HOME

[9:59:56 PM] Holly: If she goes because she didn’t use her power, I will laugh and laugh

[10:00:36 PM] Holly: Well, tomorrow is a big night.

[10:00:40 PM]  Neil: Yep


[10:00:53 PM]  Neil: They gotta know it is coming

[10:01:01 PM] Holly: Oh, I think they do

[10:01:46 PM]  Neil: It is just sheer numbers

[10:02:01 PM]  Neil: And no #SabrinaTears

[10:02:13 PM]  Neil: I don’t know what to think about life anymore

[10:02:33 PM] Holly: Yeah, way to let us down sabrina

[10:02:53 PM]  Neil: Now I gotta drink this beer on my own

[10:03:01 PM]  Neil: Half warm and shit

[10:03:06 PM]  Neil: Yet another reason to hate her

[10:06:31 PM]  Neil: Alright, we’ll reconvene Friday morning

A last minute edition which I stumbled upon as I was posting this. Shoutout to Big Brother Spice. A little context for PeeGate.

Game Of Thrones S04E01 – Two Swords

Game Of Thrones is back in the house. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, food tastes better. TV’s best show came back with a vengeance with “Two Swords”, and it was just wonderful. But before we get on it, I just gotta say, shoutout to the Entertainment Weekly recap, along with the Instant Cast done by the boys at Bald Move. I needed a little help with names and stuff. They’re great.

Oh, and one more thing: I’ve read the first three books of the series, which go up to the end of this season. But I won’t be talking bout the books at all because I have a horrible memory, so I will never pull out some spoiler fuckery. That isn’t how I roll.

Let’s gooooooooooooooooooooooooooo………….

-“Two Swords” opens with Tywin Lannister being insanely menacing, and he enlists a blacksmith to melt down a sword into two smaller swords. I thought I recognized this giant sword from somewhere, and yep, it was Ned Stark’s, who obviously wouldn’t be needing it anymore. He also throws a fur on the fire, and I’m going to guess that is Robb’s after what happened at the Red Wedding, but I’m not sure. Anyway, the sword, named “Ice”, is being made into two, one for the returned Kingslayer, Jaime, and one for King Joffrey.

-Tywin tries to give Jamie the sword, but there is a catch: Jaime has to go to Casterly Rock and run that. Jaime is like, “Nah, that’s not for me”. He thinks two things: one, he still belongs in the Kingsguard and two, Tywin was giving him an option, when it really was an order. Tywin was like, “Word? Well, looks like you’re not a Lannister anymore”. No one has ever stood up to Tywin like that; Cersei tried and got turned into an alcoholic mess (along with other reasons).

-Next, Tyrion Lannister is chillin’ with the homie Podrick (remember him from last season? It seems like he messed with those prostitutes so good they gave Tyrion his money back? POD DA GAWD). Bronn, Tyrion’s bodyguard, is also there and the trio are waiting for Prince Doran to show up, but instead they get Prince Oberyn Martell as Doran has the gout. Oberyn is a hothead in some sort of relationship with Ellaria Sand, and the two head to a brothel for some entertainment. We get our first gratuitous nudity of the season. Everyone cheers.

-Then the script gets flipped with the quickness as Oberyn hears a Lannister man singing the “Rains Of Castamere”, which is the Lannister anthem of sorts, and you also heard it at the Red Wedding as well as the beginning of this episode. When you hear it, usually something is about to happen. Anyway, after a quick confrontation, the Lannister man ends up with a knife through his hand. Tyrion walks in on this and asks Oberyn to walk with him and explain why he is in King’s Landing. The EW recap does an excellent job of dumbing it out, so here is the even quicker version: Oberyn’s sister was married to the son of the Mad King, Aerys Targaryen, who was overthrown by Tywin, Ned and Robert Baratheon (dude who was married to Cersei, Joffrey’s “father”), and killed by Jaime. Oberyn’s sister was raped and killed during the siege, along with her children. So yeah, he’s pissed and he tells Tyrion to tell Tywin he is there. Dude has a set on him, that is for sure.

-Next, we switch to the homegirl Daenerys Targaryen (STORMBORN GANG, WHAT UP), who is watching two of her dragons play in the sky while the other has its head on her lap. The two are playing with a carcass, which drops in front of the one on Dany’s lap (Drogon), and she tries to touch him while he is eating. He shrieks at her and then flies away. Simpin’ ass Jorah watches this go down and tells Dany that they can’t be tamed, even by their mother. But I mean, who likes to be touched while eating?

-Dany heads back to her Unsullied army and she wants to roll out, but she is missing Grey Worm and Daario Naharis, who are competing to see who can hold their arms out the longest, because they’re really fucking bored at this point I would think. But I was confused because last year, Daario was this Fabio-looking dude with a blond ponytail. Now he’s just some regular-looking white dude. Fabio was good for these jokes. This guy? Ehhhhhhh. I’m sure he’ll be fine, though. As long as he does some good killin’.

-Back at King’s Landing, Sansa is red-eyed as shit. Hearing that your brother and mother have been slaughtered will do that to you. It sucks because I always shit on Sansa, but this time, she deserves to be sad. Oh yeah, the hit was ordered by her father-in-law, Tywin, since she is married to Tyrion. So, she obviously wants no part of him. Tyrion goes back to his room, where Shae is waiting. Shae tries to get Tyrion to have sex, but he just isn’t in the mood; dude has a lot of his mind. Shae is breaking all sorts of “side chick” rules, especially since she is working for Sansa.

-Cersei and Jaime meet up, and Jaime is getting a golden hand. I want one, but without having to get my real hand cut off. Cersei chides Jaime for being gone too long and she feels like he can’t protect her anymore, which is some ignorant-ass shit. HE LOST HIS FUCKING HAND. Cersei is just awful. And now she drinks entirely too much, which is saying something on Game Of Thrones. But I could do without them having sex anymore since, you know, they’re twins.

-Head to The Wall, where Ygritte is chillin’ with her arrows, of which she is down a few after pumping them into Jon Snow. They run into the Thenns, who are apparently cannibals. These guys are new, and they’re down with the Wildlings’ plan to attack Castle Black, but they will fuck around and eat them if need be. The leader, Styr, is intimidating as hell.

-Meanwhile, at Castle Black, Jon has been nursed back to health by his homies in the Night’s Watch, including Samwell Tarly’s big, goofy ass. He finds out about the Red Wedding and tells Sam he was jealous of Robb, and Sam tells Jon he was jealous of him, so it’s all good. Jon has to tell a panel of three (they’re older characters, kind of important, but not crazy important) why he went to the Wildlings’ side, and why he had to kill Qhorin Halfhand, who actually told Jon to do it. Jon also tells them the Wildlings are coming to get them, so the panel (well, one of them anyway) lets Jon live because they have much bigger issues to deal with.

-Back at King’s Landing, we get our first real look at Joffrey, who is giving Jaime the business for not being there. It’s funny to think that Jaime is his pops and Joffrey is all incested up, which explains why he is the way he is. We also see Brienne for the first time, and she wants Jaime to keep his promise to protect the Stark girls, but he says Arya is dead and Sansa is Tyrion’s to worry about. There is the old Jaime we know. Meanwhile, Sansa is moping, but she runs into a dude that she saved from Joffrey in season 2, and he is hammered. He gives her a family necklace, and you can kind of see Sansa coming around, as much as she can anyway.

-Prior to this, Sansa and Tyrion have, what I think, is the best scene of the episode outside of the final scene. Tyrion basically apologizes for the Red Wedding, but that Sansa has to snap out of it; that is what her mother, Catelyn, would have wanted. Sansa says that she just wants to go to a place where no one talks to her. I can respect the hell out of that. She has been through a lot.

-Daario gives Dany a blue flower from Meereen, which is her next target. I really have no idea how this Daario is gon’ work out. But they roll up on Meereen, and are greeted with a dead slave hung on a cross. There is one for every kilometer left to Meereen, and Dany says she wants to see every one of them en route to the city. That’s right, piss off the girl with the big-ass dragons. That’ll work out well.

-Finally, we get to Arya and the Hound, and Arya is obviously none too pleased about the Red Wedding, but at least she is alive. The Hound is trying to take Arya to her aunt Lysa, the one who had Tyrion locked up and has the breastfeeding 10-year-old. They roll up on a tavern and Arya recognizes a man as one who killed her friend and stole her sword, Needle, which Jon had given to her. Dude’s name is Polliver, and he doesn’t recognize Arya, but he recognizes the Hound. Polliver and his people are down with Joffrey, but the Hound says “fuck the King”, and tells Polliver that he is taking a chicken (which gets bumped up to two chickens) from the tavern. Then he drinks Polliver’s beer while Polliver is talking shit, so you know it’s about to go down. The Hound starts fuckin’ these dudes up as he does, while Arya grabs Needle. Polliver is on the ground, and Arya stands over him. She repeats what he said before he killed her friend, and then pushes her sword through his throat. Finally, a Stark wins something! Not only did she kill someone who wronged her, but Arya also got her own horse now and she has Needle back. She has to be doing some internal partyin’.

A solid start to season 4 of Game Of Thrones. It basically was a reminder of what happened at the end of last season and where we are headed for this season. We didn’t get to see Theon being tortured, or Stannis, Melisandre and the killing shadow thing, or Bran, either, so they’ll probably be in the house next week. I also missed a conversation between Joffrey’s bride-to-be and Brienne. My bad. A LOT happened in this episode.

Man, did I ever miss Game Of Thrones. I forgot how much I did until the opening credits. Holla.