We’re almost at the halfway point of the fourth season of Game Of Thrones, which makes me sad because there are only six episodes left and I’m dreading the end of the season already. When you get an episode as good as “Oathkeeper”, that is all you can really do. As soon as I saw it was directed by Michelle McLaren, I was in. Check her IMDB page: she has been behind the camera for many of your favorite Breaking Bad episodes, along with the most reason season of The Walking Dead, a ton of X-Files episodes and also one from The River, which is a personal favorite of mine (and should have gotten more than one season). Not to mention, two episodes of Game Of Thrones last season (remember Brienne and Jaime against the bear? Yep, that was her). Let’s goooooooo……
-We start with Missandei giving some language lessons to Grey Worm, since no one in this series seems to be able to read. Grey Worm is trying to spit some game to Missandei, but that game has to be top-notch when you don’t have a penis, so she isn’t havin’ any of his advances. She is fantastic, by the way. But he looks back at her after Dany breaks up their little session to tell them that “it’s time”, so you know he’ll try again.
-But right now, Grey Worm is busy trying to sneak into Meereen, where the slaves from the last episode are deciding on a revolt. The older slaves are against said revolt, but Grey Worm enters their room, which makes them wonder how the hell they got in there. He gives them a speech about taking their freedom and drops some knives in front of them, and he also tells them there are three of them for every slavemaster. They don’t know how to fight, but when you have numbers, who cares? Jump to a slavemaster walking down the street, where he sees “KILL THE MASTERS” written in blood on a wall, and then there are slaves coming at home from every direction. They stabbed the ever-lovin’ shit outta that dude. Shoutout to his guards who were like, “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAP” and just left him there.
-Cut to Dany walking amongst the broken chains with people calling her “Mhysa” (mother) as they did in the finale of season 3, and hey, they got some white slaves mixed in there this time. They didn’t want any problems after the controversy of that episode. Dany, Jorah and Barristan walk up what seems like three million steps, and she makes an executive decision: to make the surviving slaveowners pay for nailing slaves on crosses as she witnessed walking to Meereen, Dany wants to do the same to them. Barristan tries to throw in some shit about mercy, but Dany is like, “Nah”. I like ruthless Dany. And remember, she did all this without even bringing the dragons out.
-Next, we have Jaime and Bronn continuing their sword-fighting lessons, and Jaime is getting better with his left hand, but Bronn takes off his steel hand and hits the Kingslayer in the mouth with it. Bronn then teaches Jaime another lesson as he hasn’t been to see Tyrion yet, and he guilts the hell out of him, pullin’ the whole “you ain’t gone to see ya man in jail yet?” card. He tells Jaime that he was his original pick to fight for Tyrion when Bronn fought for his freedom, which I’m not entirely sure was the truth, I can’t remember. Either way, it worked and that’s all that matters.
-Jaime visits Tyrion in his cell, and it is actually the most animated Tyrion we’ve seen all season as he tries to figure out how to get out of this situation. But then we get, for me, the best exchange of the episode: Jaime says how Cersei is so upset about her son dying, and Tyrion hits him with the “HER son?”. Jaime flashes a look as dirty as the bucket Tyrion relieves himself in and snaps, “DON’T”. Oh man…that was greatness. I don’t think I’ve ever seen the Jaime/Cersei relationship explicitly questioned like that, although I do remember Tywin saying that he heard the rumors when he set plans in motion to marry Cersei to Loras. Anyway, Tyrion tells Jaime that he didn’t kill Joffrey, and he believes him
-Littlefinger and Sansa are on his ship, and Littlefinger reveals that he used the necklace that the fool gave Sansa to help kill the former king. Sansa works her way through the plan in what seems to be her coming to her senses, and Littlefinger also reveals that he had some help. BAM!!!!!!!! Cut to Lady Olenna walking through her garden with Margaery and that basically wraps up that whodunit. They spell out who killed Joffrey pretty obviously in these two scenes, leaving nothing to the imagination, which might piss some off, but I’m fine with it. I had a feeling Lady O had something to do with it anyway; like she tells Margaery, “do you think I’d let you marry that monster?” (or something to that effect). So for those keeping score, the fool put the necklace on Sansa, but there was a poisonous jewel in it; go back to when Lady O fixed said necklace (which she does again with Margaery in this scene after she basically cops to the murder). There was one jewel missing, which ended up in Joffrey’s cup. We also learn that Lady O used to have that good stuff, which she used to lure her own sister’s husband-to-be away so she could climb the ladder and she urges Margaery to do the same to Tommen before Cersei gets in his ear. Lady O is a motherfucking G. Even Tywin would have to salute; hell, he might have known about it. He gave no fucks telling Tommen the deal over Joffrey’s dead body last week.
-Now we’re at Castle Black, where Jon Snow is teaching people how to fight and Allister Thorne isn’t havin’ it. But Janos Slynt suggests that maybe they should take Jon up on his plan to go to Craster’s Keep and take out the mutineers before they tell the wildlings just how few men are left at Castle Black. It makes sense: keep a strong fighter as long as possible, then let someone else kill him. Thorne tells Jon he has the OK to go, but only if he finds volunteers. He finds some after a speech, including a new guy, Locke, who is better known as the guy sent to find Bran Stark and kill him, and also the guy who cut off Jaime’s hand.
-Then we have drunk-ass Cersei, who is tore the fuck up. She just wants someone, anyone to die, preferably Tyrion or Sansa, but both would be good times. Jaime tries to tell her that Tyrion didn’t do it, but again, she isn’t havin’ it and wants him to send someone out to find Sansa. She then dismisses him by saying “Lord Commander”, which is extremely formal considering their relationship. And not one mention of what happened last week. But while it was bad and stuff, man, Cersei just brushes it off as a “shit happens” kinda moment, because she is batshit fucking crazy. And now, a drunk. I doubt we’ll ever hear it acknowledged again.
-Tommen is laying in bed, when he hears a noise. Enter Margaery, who somehow manages to get past the Kingsguard (I have one idea about how she did it, come on, we all do, right?). She doesn’t come right on to Tommen, who has an “OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG” look on his face the entire scene and it’s priceless. She plays it very cool, while he probably jerked off the second she left the room. She’s a smart one, that Margaery. She has a great teacher.
-Jaime is with Brienne, who reads his list of accomplishments, then Jaime gives her the sword given to him by his father, the same that was forged out of Ned Stark’s sword. She is to use it to find Sansa and protect her, continuing her history of protecting people (specifically, Starks) and keeping oaths, hence the name of the episode as we find out her later she names the sword “Oathkeeper”. He also replaces her suit of armor, which is nice. The relationship between Jaime and Brienne is one of the coolest things about Game Of Thrones: Jaime is a guy that just raped his sister, whom he has incestuous children with and we’ve seen him kill his cousin to escape and push a child out of a window. However, with Brienne he is a kind and gentle man. Quite the complex character, that Kingslayer fella. Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, who plays Jaime, is a monster in this episode, the way he goes from Bronn to Tyrion to Cersei to Brienne, all different situations calling for different moods. He nails it.
-Jaime gives Pod (POD DA GAWD) to Brienne to be her squire, which has the potential to be all sorts of comedy and it works out for Pod as well because once the whole trial with Tyrion starts, his life will be in danger. Jaime sees them off, but there is no hug or emotion from the two as they part ways, but I was sad. Brienne makes Jaime not despicable. That’s about as good as he is going to get.
-Sam sulks to Jon about taking Gilly to that whorehouse, which he now realizes may not have been the best idea he has had. Well done, Sam, well done. It is also here where Jon gets the volunteers to go to Craster’s Keep.
-We get to the Keep, and the mutineers have just run through the place, raping all of Craster’s wives They’re led by some cat named Karl, apparently, who is drinking wine from the skull of Jeor Mormont, who they killed last season (and father of Jorah, who was put in the friend zone by Dany). He is hammered, going on about how bad of a dude he used to be back in King’s Landing, and he is a fucking asshole. All you have to really know about him is that he yells, “Fuck ’em ’til they’re dead” concerning the battered women around the Keep. Then, he gets the last of Craster’s babies, which was just born and I was like, “are they really gon’ kill this baby?”. It wouldn’t have surprised me in the slightest, but instead, he decides to “give the baby to the Gods” as the women suggest, which means take it out in the woods and give to the White Walkers, which we haven’t seen in a while. So that is what happens.
-We also learn that they have Jon’s direwolf Ghost, in a cage. Cut to Bran and his squad, who jumps into his wolf’s body and heads for the Keep, but he gets caught in a trap. So human Bran and the squad go to the Keep, where they are found and taken hostage. They tie up the homie Hodor and poke him with spears, which is completely fucking unnecessary, but that’s because I fucks with Hodor. Carryin’ around Bran’s non-walking ass, that has to be a pain. Anyway, Karl slaps fire out of Bran’s mouth and realizes they are highborn, and they are absolutely not about this hostage life. Karl puts the knife to the girl’s throat, which makes Bran give his identity and Karl realizes that he can use this: he has the heir to Winterfell hostage? Yup, this could be profitable.
-Then, we get to the final scene: we see a White Walker on a horse with the baby in his arms, walking through a blizzard because it is always snowy when these mufuckas are around. We arrive at White Walker Wonderland, where he puts the baby on a block of ice and another Walker comes out to receive it. What looks like the Supreme White Walker, I guess, picks up the crying baby and puts his nail on his face, which turns the baby’s eyes the same cold blue color that the White Walkers have. And that is how “Oathkeeper” ends.
This goes up there with some of my favorite Game Of Thrones episodes, and the first thing I thought when it was done, was that it felt like a season finale. There wasn’t a wasted scene in the entire episode. Some people are mad because a lot of what we watched wasn’t in the book, especially the final scene with the White Walkers, to which I say, suck it up. People are just mad because they don’t get to hold it over non-book readers’ heads and they were surprised. George R.R. Martin didn’t have a problem with it, so I’m good. So yeah, I’m in for the rest of the season. And Michelle McLaren (who is Canadian, so shoutout to that) is directing the next episode as well. I’m ready.