The fourth season of Game Of Thrones has had a theme of justice weaved throughout the story, and in the sixth episode, “The Laws Of Gods And Men”, we get to the trial of Tyrion. After a week of no Peter Dinklage, I was ready to get back to this. Did he disappoint? NOAP. He dropped the mic with a speech that rivals his father to him from last season. Let’s go……..
-Before we start, actually, we caught a teaser of The Knick, a medical show which stars Clive Owen (I know him from “Closer”, but he has been in a gang of stuff) and will be directed by Steven Soderberg (“Traffic”, “Ocean’s Eleven” and the rest of the series). It sounds like some True Detective shit, and that went over well. I’m intrigued. Read up on it.
-Stannis, Davos and his people are sailing for Braavos, the newest city on the map in the opening credits. Actually, I think it was there last week, possibly before, but I can barely keep track. But man, that shot of them sailing under that giant statue and then the wide shot of the city? Yeesh. That had to cost a pretty penny. Speaking of, the Iron Bank is located in Braavos, and Stannis is there to get this loan, but they keep him waiting because they’re the bank and that is what banks do. Banks and doctors’ offices, man…your phone better be charged up, you might be there for a while.
-The bank dudes show up and Stannis tries to plead his case as he needs money to fight the Lannisters for the Iron Throne, but they’re backing the Lannisters as Tywin told us. That being said, the Lannisters owe a rack of money as we know, so the Bank could be pulling out soon. They try to tell the Bank that Tommen, like Joffrey, is a bastard born out of incest, but they don’t seem to care. No one cares about some regular ol’ incest in Game Of Thrones. Davos steps in to argue for Stannis, telling the Bank he is good for it and that he pays his debts, using his chopped-off fingers as evidence. Friend or foe, Stannis does what he says. The bank guys are like, well, shit, you have a case.
-They must have given him something, because Davos rolls up on a brothel where he finds the pirate, Salladhor Saan. I never knew this dude’s name, just as the pirate who doubles as the only black guy on the show who isn’t a slave, but he is about his money. Davos knows that and throws gold at him to buy some ships and help them against the Lannisters.
-Next, we have Yara, Theon’s sister who took a crew of people to go and rescue him at Ramsey’s, who is gettin’ it poppin’ with some girl, possibly one of the girls who lured Theon into getting his junk cut off. They get to Ramsey’s crib and manage to get to Theon in the cells, but he is an absolute mess. Hell, he thinks his name is Reek. Ramsey hears the dogs barking in the dungeons, plus, Theon is screaming his head off (the top one since the other one is, well, GONE). Son comes in with no shirt on and blood on his chest on some Rambo shit. Ramsey is genuinely scary, but for some reason, he lets Yara and her people get back on their ships to leave. Doesn’t seem like something he would do, but he did it.
-Ramsey rewards Theon/Reek with a bath, and as he was undressing, I was like, y’all better not show that shit because it’s Game Of Thrones and these mufuckas showed some rapecest two weeks ago. But they didn’t, so that’s cool, although Ramsey smiling when he looked down at the lack of penis might have been more disturbing than anything. Ramsey wants Theon to pretend to be his former self to help him take over the castle that Roose asked him to take over a couple episodes ago. Alfie Allen, who plays Theon/Reek, has done an excellent job of portraying a man who is absolutely broken and now he has to go back to being Theon, a true test of his acting skill.
-We move to some dude with some goats on a hill, and everything is lovely. There is a waterfall, a kid is throwing rocks in the water and everything is just wonderful. Then, the kids and the goat seem to notice something. What could it be? How about DEM DRAGONS! Well, just one, but it’s the biggest one, and this mufucka is HUGE. He burned like, five goats, picked one of them bitches up and kept it movin’. We haven’t seen them since the season premiere, I think, maybe the second episode, but from what I’ve gathered from this is that they’re ornery as fuck. I think this was the same dragon that growled at Dany, and he is big as shit. I don’t know how dragon years match up with human years, but this mufucka seems like a pissy teenager….who can burn your whole life up and carry you the fuck away.
-We get to Dany’s new digs, a big-ass pyramid in Meereen, and she is agreeing to speak to her new subjects. The guy from the last scene approaches and is like, thanks for freeing us from the slavemasters and all, but your dragons are fuckin’ up my goats, so Dany pays him three times what they’re worth. The next dude steps up and asks Dany if he can take his father’s body down off a cross because he wasn’t down with the slavemasters, but got nailed up anyway. This goes back to Dany’s whole “fighting injustice with justice” speech, and how she was so amped to get her crucifixion on, she didn’t worry with details like facts and shit. She is still learning how to lead, remember. She tells dude to go get his dad, but something doesn’t sit well with me about dude, named Hizdahr zo Loraq. We also saw him when Dany and ’em first rolled up on Meereen. We learned his name; son will come up again for some reason. Then she learns that another 212 people want to talk to her. Jorah (aka Lord Friendzone, says the internet, what an excellent nickname) looks at her on some, “you asked for this shit”. Someone get Dany some coffee.
-A council meeting is being held and when Tywin enters the room, everyone stands except for Oberyn, who gives -736 fucks. Varys tells him that the Hound has been spotted, killin’ mufuckas for chickens, so Tywin puts a hit out on him because remember, Hound was on some “Fuck The King” shit. Then Varys tells the council that Dany is runnin’ shit in the east, she has an army and some big-ass dragons. Cersei tries to act tough and be like, “you scared of a little girl?” and Varys is like, “She got dudes that know how to fight and a huge army”, but he forgot to say, “SHE GOT SOME BIG-ASS DRAGONS, LIKE, MULTIPLE”. Oberyn testifies to the skill of the Unsullied as well. When it comes to battle, Cersei needs to shut all the way up. Then, Tywin wants his pen and paper, which means a letter, which means shit is about to go down.
-Oberyn and Varys meet by the Iron Throne, and Oberyn is just trying to get a read on Varys, who says something great about desire and what it has done to the country. Oberyn asks him if he likes boys or girls, not knowing that Varys doesn’t have a penis. Seems to be a lot of that going around. Varys then says that not having desire for some things leaves him free to pursue other things, then looks at the Throne. What the hell?
-Jaime retrieves Tyrion from his cell to take him to his trial, where a packed house is waiting for him. Tywin takes over for Tommen, and sits in the middle of Oberyn and Mace Tyrell. Tywin looks so comfortable on the Iron Thrones. He has been waiting to sit there for a while now. I bet he sneaks in there in the middle of the night just to sit in it. The first part of the trial was a whole slew of fuckery, no one is on Tyrion’s side, obviously. Tyrion just has this look on his face like, “can you believe this shit”. We do get to see the necklace that was used to poison Joffrey, then it cuts to Margaery looking slightly guilty. Cersei rats on him for keeping whores in the Tower of the Hand, which is just one motive for him killing Joffrey. This isn’t looking good for the homie.
-During a recess, Jaime approaches Tywin and says he will give up the Kingsguard and go to Casterly Rock (which, remember, Tywin offered to Tyrion) and continue the Lannister name if he just doesn’t execute Tyrion, just send him to the Wall as part of the Night’s Watch. Tywin was like, “cool”, which should have made Jaime wonder because he agreed to that WAY too quick. Jaime goes to tell Tyrion this, just don’t freak out and accept your punishment. But then, when the trial resumes, who walks in? SHAE. Where the hell, how did they find her….I assume Varys? This is one of the few times we’ve seen Tyrion absolutely speechless.
-Not only that, Shae proceeds to lie all over Tyrion, saying she knew of the plan Tyrion and Sansa created to kill Joffrey in revenge for Robb and Catelyn’s murders, then she gets personal with it, telling the court all the details of their relationship, how she was made to call him “her lion” (a lie), she was his property (also a lie), and he wanted her to fuck him like it was his last night on earth (well, that is true, but who wouldn’t want that?). Man, listen…when he was like, “Shae, don’t”…..that was uncomfortable as hell. The entire scene. You could just see Tyrion’s heart breaking. She also throws it in his face that he did call her a whore when he was trying to get her to leave. The whole thing was humiliating.
-You could just see it bubbling inside Tyrion, and I was all, “Aw shit, here we go”. He starts by telling the audience he saved their lives in the Battle of Blackwater (which he did), and he should have let them die. Then he turns to Tywin and says he has been on trial his whole life for being a dwarf, and he didn’t kill Joffrey, but he wishes he had, looking at Cersei and saying that watching her bastard son die gave him more relief than a thousand lying whores, then looking at Shae. No one is safe now, Tyrion is on his 2Pac “Fuck The World” shit (seriously, it was like Peter Dinklage listened to the “Me Against The World” album getting ready for this speech. “MATW” is the best Pac album out there, but I digress). Then, he turns back to the crowd and says he would give his life to watch them all swallow the poison that killed Joffrey. He wants his justice, and he demands a trial by combat, which worked out for him at the Vale. But can Bronn fight for him again? Maybe Jaime? Anyway, I watched this scene like, five times. I wanted to flip a damn table. I hit a fist pump and yelled, “GET ‘EM” at the television, like I hit an “and-1” in basketball. I’m far too into this show.
-You’ll see this scene again when Dinklage is nominated for an Emmy again. So, there is that.
I don’t even know what else to say. I thought “Oathkeeper” was a great episode, like, in the top two or three in Game Of Thrones. It probably won’t even end up being the in the top two or three this season if it keeps going like this, and I’m pretty sure it will. My goodness.