The best part of the American Horror Story series, in my not-so-humble opinion, is that nothing is off the table. I would love to sit in the writer’s room and listen to them brainstorm, because I bet no idea is shot down, and instead they work to fit in whatever insanity out there. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but it is never boring and it continues with the second episode of FreakShow, “Massacres and Matinees”. Let’s go….
-The people of Jupiter are obviously freaked out by everything that happened in the first episode, all the killings and such, but now that a cop is dead, shit is ON now and the Elsa Mars freak show is obviously going to be targeted. Jimmy Lobsterhands can’t lead this crew, they’ll all be dead by the sixth episode. But, more on that later.
-Meanwhile, we see a kid in a toy store looking like the milkman from the premiere, and he is just as stupid. He is looking for his boss, but he sees a toy in the middle of the floor, which would have sent me out the door in no time flat. But nah, son needs to investigate and out of nowhere, a robot comes across the floor…..with a trail of blood. At that point, myself and the people I was watching with are like, “GET THE FUCK OUT”, but nah, this Hardy Boys-ass mufucka continues to follow the blood trail, head down, completely oblivious to Twisty the Clown just chillin’ between two other fake clowns. Would you not smell him, with all the blood and dirt? Anyway, the kid follow the trail to the severed head of his boss, and promptly gets the Twisty scissors through the neck. Dude deserved it. Keep your head up, dammit (word to Eric Lindros, Google his name with Scott Stevens).
-The freak show is partyin’ because they are making a little money despite a curfew that has been put down, but Jimmy isn’t having it. He just wants the townspeople to see them as normal, but yeah dogg, you killed a cop, so you won’t get any sympathy from them.
-We head to the house of Gloria and Dandy Mott, and they are eating snails cooked up by Miss Patti Labelle! Seriously, if we have to sit through all the musical numbers this season (more on that in a bit), and Miss Patti doesn’t get a chance to rock the mic before she dies (oh, she WILL die), Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk gotta be questioned. He storms out of the dining room complaining of boredom and we get a slight view of how tapped he is (shoutout to Dandy drinking liquor out of a glass baby bottle), which he gets from mama Gloria. Miss Patti (yeah, fuck what her character name is) tells Gloria that she thinks Dandy has been going around killing stuff, which means she is definitely gon’ die.
-We go back to the freak show, which might be getting a new act: Angela Bassett makes her FreakShow debut as Desiree Dupree, along with her husband, Dell Toledo, who is played by Michael Chilkis, whom you might remember from The Shield and the Thing in the Fantastic Four joints. Desiree heads over to tell Elsa her story, and shows off her attributes in the form of three breasts and apparently a penis as she is a hermaphrodite. We see a flashback to Chicago, where she and Dell had to flee from as he killed a man for having sex with Desiree, which brings up a whole slew of other questions. Anyway, Dell begs Elsa for a deal as she says they are full with acts, which is strange considering his later behaviour.
-Dandy (who is played by Finn Wittrock, which is absolutely fitting) goes to the freak show and finds Jimmy, and he also wants to join, and Jimmy is like, are you serious, bruh? He can’t understand why Dandy would want to leave his comfy home in society, but he doesn’t realize just how fucked this dude is. Moral of the story: it is quite the struggle to be comfortable in your own skin, no matter who you are.
-Ironically, Jimmy tells Dandy he is not welcome at the freak show, so Dandy returns home and Gloria has gotten him a new friend. The scene with Gloria picking up Twisty on the side of the road is just fantastic and a microcosm of why I love American Horror Story. She doesn’t ask why a clown is randomly walking down the street, and doesn’t flinch when he turns to her with his facemask (like for real, a mask of a face, b). Just simply asks him if he wants a job while explaining her son is in a mood. She is on some good drugs, I tell ya. They go up to a room where Twisty is standing among what seems to be a croquet set, and Dandy orders him to amuse. Twisty starts pulling shit out of a trunk, while Dandy looks through his bag and never questions why he has a pair of bloody scissors in there. He gets bopped on the head and Twisty is like, fuck this, I’m out, this dude is crazy. That should tell you something about Dandy.
-While this is my favorite part of the show so far, we should go back to the freak show, where we learn that Dell is Jimmy’s father via a conversation with Ethel (Kathy Bates), who recognized Dell’s strongman car pulling in. We also find out that Bette can’t sing worth a damn, but miss uptight Dot can, so the sisters will be the headliners, although Elsa still thinks she is the star. Bruh, we watched that David Bowie joint you did last week. You ain’t it.
-Dell decides they should do matinees with the curfew in fact, and this raises my biggest question of the episode: how do you go from begging for a job to tryna run shit? And how do you say that no woman is the boss of you and you’re fuckin’ a hermaphrodite? This dude gotta die.
-Meanwhile, Jimmy takes his crew into town so the locals get to know them, but that backfires like shit. One lady asks them to leave because they are scaring her daughter, they can’t get service, all kinds of shit. I saw it as a comparison to segregation in the 50s, if you wanna go that route. Dell walks in and orders the group out because they are basically giving the people a free show, so why would they pay? Then he and Jimmy go outside and he proceeds to beat the dogshit out of him because, well, why wouldn’t you want to punch the son you abandoned? He goes to Elsa and tells her that Della gotta go, but she doesn’t listen until she notices that her name is at the bottom of the poster for the matinee.
-Who is the headliner of the show? Bette and Dot, and the latter rolls out Fiona Apple’s “Criminal”, and let me tell you, the party was ON for me. First, this is 1952, so what, 40-plus years before “Criminal” came out? And why were they moshing and crowdsurfing? “Criminal” isn’t a song for either of those things. Just when you think American Horror Story can’t get any more ridiculous, it pulls some left field shit and all you can do is party.
-Obviously, Elsa is jealous of the reception the twins get and sneaks into their room to talk to Bette, and gives her knife to stab her sister. Now, Dot stabbed her before, so I guess she is fair game. But if she does, does Bette have to carry around her sister’s dead head? I don’t know how the biology of all this works, but I am sure we will get a bullshit explanation. And I will buy it for $1000, Alex.
-The cops make an appearance and end up taking Lil Meep in as Jimmy tried to plant evidence of the detective murder on Dell, who appears to be smarter than that and found out. Meep gets taken to jail with a slew of other criminals and I am sure there was some raping in the mix.
-Dandy follows Twisty to his bus of horrors, and Twisty is tryna amuse the kid and the girl, who has found a way to get out. Long story short, she hits him over the head and they run, and she runs right into Dandy, who is like, oh, so this is what you’re about, Clowny? So they take them back into the bus, where I am sure nothing goes well for the kid and the girl.
-Oh yeah, we see why Twisty needs to cover his mouth. Good Jesus. I’m not sure what was in there. Could be maggots, could be pieces of human flesh, but whatever it was, shit was NASTY. Y’all are lucky I couldn’t find a picture of it because NOW, the internet has standards, apparently.
-We close on the cops throwing Meep’s beaten and dead body at Jimmy’s feet, and he gets pretty choked about it. Jimmy gon’ go to war with the cops now? It would appear so.
So, two episodes into FreakShow and it is already living up to the AHS formula. The more ridiculous, the better and I here for ALL of it. Good luck guessing what will go on next week; I stopped doing that last season.