American Horror Story: Freak Show S04E07 – Test Of Strength

Another week, another episode of American Horror Story: Freak Show that pulls the rug out from under us, gets us drunk, tattoos our face and puts us in a jar. “Test Of Strength” was a test of not breaking something by the end of the night. Let’s go…..

-We begin with Jimmy at the Mott house, and he’s tryna convince Bette and Dot to come back to the freak show. Bette asks Jimmy who killed Twisty, and the wheels start turning for Jimmy, who should have guessed that Dandy was the other clown, but truth be told, Jimmy isn’t very bright. Then Dandy says something about the surgery Dot wants, which he only could have known from reading her diary, which sets her off and she wants to leave with Jimmy. Dandy pleads with Bette on some “but I love you giiiiiirrrrrlllll” shit, begging like Keith Sweat in his prime. But Dot chooses her sister and leaves with Bette, which is kinda hilarious because Dot is tryna get this surgery to throw Bette in the bushes.

-Gloria is looking like, aw shit, I gotta dig ANOTHER hole because Dandy is standing there with smoke coming out of his ears, his face getting more red by the second. His mad face game is unquestionably the best in the game.

-After the credits, I hear the first couple bars from Nirvana’s “Come As You Are” and instantly got my back up, but as much as I wanted to hate it…it was actually pretty good, definitely the best cover of the season. It’s a fitting song for a group of people that don’t for into society, and we see Penny taking care of Paul while Dell is at the gay bar, looking for whom I presume is the guy that Dandy killed. But on the low, Stanley is there watching Dell, plotting and scheming.

-Elsa tells Jimmy that the song might not be what they’re looking for (yet her bullshit song gets to stay, but whatever), and Jimmy is like nah, we don’t listen to liars, bringing up the twins. Then they come out and Elsa looks like she might faint, but strangely the twins flip the script on Jimmy and they don’t say they were sold to the Motts, but they were helped by Elsa. What are they planning? And that was cold as shit, making Jimmy look insane.

-Desiree and Ethel make a trip to the doctor, where they find a “Closed” sign, but they go inside to investigate anyway because fuck it. They find his daughter, who tells them he committed suicide because the freaks made him question his beliefs in religion and science. But here is the thing: he had broken hands, so how could he pull a trigger? We know Dell threatened him, and we know he has a temper. Keep that in your back pocket.

-Stanley is struggling at the Test of Strength game, the joint with the hammer and the bell and whatnot. Dell walks by him and Stanley drops all kinds of references to Dell being gay since he saw him at the bar, and Dell wants to get him, but Maggie comes by to make sure there is a witness. This should have been a hint for Dell, but like son, like father. Stanley takes Dell into the big top, where he has a gun and says he needs one of the freaks within a day. Again, another hint. Stanley even told Dell that Maggie saw them go in there. Strong as shit, dumb as a bag of dull rocks.

-Jimmy and Maggie are in bed and he is saying something about there being a bad feeling around the place. Maggie is like, yeah, I’m part of a plan to kill one of y’all, but I can’t tell you about it. The best part is that Jimmy is talking about Dandy and the twins, so he isn’t even concerned about Stanley.

-Dell is outside of the trailer of Eve the Amazon lady, pouring chloroform on a rag and the first thing I think is, this might not work out well for him. Yo….she is huge, b. Dell is a strongman, but Eve wakes up and she is no joke, squaring up with Dell and throwin’ a fantastic-looking jab. Then she wraps up by throwing Dell out of her trailer like Uncle Phil and Jazz in The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

-Eve tells Ethel and Jimmy the story while icing her knuckles and Ethel is about that vigilante life; she ain’t tryna talk to the cops. Jimmy says that he’ll handle it, which gave me a good laugh because, well, we’ve already seen Dell kick Jimmy’s ass once this season; fuck is he gon’ do?

-The laughs continue as a civilian is tryna play the strongman game, but he’s weak and Dell is like, you can only get it halfway up there. You can’t tell me that someone didn’t know what they were doing when they included that line because as we know, Dell has an impotence problem (hilariously enough, prior to that, my friends and I were throwing around impotence jokes on group text before that scene; we should just write an episode, y’all). Anyway, Jimmy steps to Dell and says they need to talk, and Dell suggests they go for a drink.

-Elsa and the twins are in negotiations in Elsa’s tent, and their plan becomes clear: they want all of the things. Bette wants caviar for breakfast because she’s fancy now and 20% of the box office, but Dot ups that to 50% and they want the money now. Elsa is like, look at this bitch, and I think they settled on 30%. Elsa hides it well, but she has to be steaming.

-Jimmy gets a drink into him and starts snitching like shit, telling Dell all about the plans to get him out of the show because of what he tried with Eve. While Jimmy can’t keep secrets, he is opening up to Dell, who is getting a bit of that paternal instinct for him a minute. He even tells Jimmy to take off the mittens he is wearing to cover up his lobster hands and it’s funny that no one is questioning why a person is wearing gloves in Florida, but hey, details. Besides, if anyone says anything to Jimmy, Dell will kick their ass.

-Jimmy is a lightweight as he doesn’t drink much because of what it has done to Ethel, and he runs outside to throw up. He hits that drunk vomit cry that we have all done at some point (and you are a damn liar if you say you haven’t), and starts spilling more shit to Dell, who has rolled up on him with a brick. But Jimmy tells him he knows Dell is his father from stories he has heard from the old-timers in the freak show, and Dell doesn’t have the heart to go through with it. They hug and walk away on some Leave It To Beaver shit. I was mad initially at Jimmy for not noticing the brick, but he was pretty hammered and it is American Horror Story.

-They get back to camp in the morning, tore the fuck up and making enough noise to wake up Elsa and Desiree, who implores Jimmy to get away from him, but Jimmy got his daddy now and he ain’t tryna hear it. Jimmy passes out and Dell walks out to find Stanley, who reminds him of what is at stake. Stanley just needs to do this shit himself. He stays gettin’ mad at people for not being murderers.

-Penny sneaks into her house where her father is waiting for her, and she tells him that she is leaving to go be with Paul. Her pops is a prideful man and values his reputation, and he’ll do anything to protect it, so I figure he is about to kill her since this man kept a shotgun on her last week. However, he says he isn’t a murderer and brings out his friend Maurice, who has a gang of face tattoos and piercings. Where the hell did they find this cat?

-The twins are getting a makeover, well, Bette anyway. She got her makeup on and some new blonde hair, fancy as shit. But she starts throwing all of the shade at Dot, saying that they can be a before-and-after commercial now with Dot being the plain “before” part and Dot is lookin’ like, I’ma kill you. Elsa slips a note into Dot’s pocket, which she reads later in bed and basically, Elsa asks her why she wants so much money, so Dot says it is her find a surgeon to separate her from Bette, so she wants Elsa to help her. Elsa says Bette can trust her to be of help, and I laughed.

-Elsa and Stanley are having dinner, well, Stanley is as he eats all of his food, as well as Elsa and a pie or a cake that Ethel brought in. Even Elsa looks at him like, you got a tapeworm, bruh? Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but this could be a thing down the road, like he has something living in his stomach. OR DOWN HIS PANTS. That’s my theory, dammit. Yo, we’ve seen a dude with a face on the back of his head in this show, I dare you to tell me I’m crazy. I don’t even know what he and Elsa were talking about anymore. Something about TV, I assume. I don’t care. He got teeth down his pants somewhere.

-Back at Penny’s, she is passed out on the couch because Penny stays gettin’ roofied. Her father wakes her up and she sees that Maurice has tattooed her entire face, which is wild, but they forked her tongue, b. THAT was unnecessary. Her father is on some “you wanna be a freak, here ya go” shit, and he has become quite a scumbag in his short amount of screen time.

-Dell sneaks into Ma Petite’s trailer and immediately, I was like, nah, why don’t y’all leave her alone. He brought her a dress and she is all smiling, squeaky voice and all. She goes to give him a hug to say thank you for the dress, and he proceeds to squeeze the life out of her. Her little fingers were clawing as hard as she could, but eventually, she dies and he says sorry, but fuck your apology. Big man picking on the worlds smallest woman, but I suppose after you got that ass whipped, you had to do something. Meanwhile, our group text is filled with cussing and wishing painful death on Dell. The odds-on favorite so far is Ethel, because she is dying and ain’t got shit to lose, and she knows Dell ain’t shit. The second is all the women ganging up on him, which would be fitting because we know Dell hates women.

-Penny rolls up on Paul to show her new face and he cries, so he’ll be out for revenge. Apparently, they also gave her the George Jefferson cut because her hairline is all. the way back.

-The museum gets their treasure: Ma Petite in a jar of formaldehyde. Fuck Dell, fuck Stanley, fuck the museum, fuck Maggie for keeping this secret and fuck whoever makes these big-ass jars.

Well, Dell has moved to the front of the pack for the worst character in the history of American Horror Story for that. The rest of the freaks will put two and two together, so that is worth watching. Stanley will get greedy and want more, while Dandy is probably still standing in the same spot, fuming, and the whole Elsa-and-the-twins situation. The Freak Show rolls on.

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