I’m not even gon’ complain about there being a two-month break for Season 5 of The Walking Dead, because “Coda” did enough to tie up a few loose ends. Say what you want about this show, but they know how to do premieres and finales, even the midseason joints. Let’s go…..
-We open with Bob the light-skinned cop running away after escaping from Sasha, and he’s trying to get his hand restraints off before a group of walkers come. Then we see someone else running, which I figured was Rick because he had the big-ass knife on him. Rick gets in a car and tracks down Bob, telling him to stop running, but when Bob won’t listen, he simply hits him with the car. At this point, Bob has to know he’s gon’ die, so he starts to mouth off to Rick, who shoots him. It was either that or leave him for the walkers, but Rick couldn’t take dude poppin’ off at the mouth. Season 5 Rick is the best, man.
-Gabriel is limping around and ends up by a school, which is full of walkers banging on the door, but he is more interested in a Bible he finds, which has the name, “Mary B.” written in it. Mary B. might be someone from his congregation, and he seems to see reminders of them everywhere, and good for him. Then we realize that it is the school where the Terminus people were having a BBQ Bob buffet, because his leg was still sitting on a fire. I thought for a second that maybe, it was her leg, buy I recognize a half-eaten leg when I see it.
-But of course, his bitch ass starts crying and the walkers escape from the school, causing Gabriel to get on his horse and limp away as fast as he can. Here, I’m thinkin’ like, “he BETTER not lead the horde back to the church”. So what does this mufucka do? LEADS THE HORDE BACK TO THE CHURCH. He bangs on the door and does all sorts of screaming for Michonne and Carl, who are better than me because I would have left him out there like he did to his congregation. But they let him in and the horde follows them right into the church, so the trio sneak out through the hole Gabriel made in the floor and trap the walkers inside. Man, listen. I get that Gabriel is religious. That’s all fine and good. But he has no excuse to still be runnin’ around like a chicken with his head cut off anymore. This is life now: suck it up, and learn how to hold the GD machete.
-Rick returns to his group, where they still have the two cops tied up and he tells Daryl that Bob had to die. The other two cops say that they’ll go along with a story that he got jacked by walkers to avoid violence, but how can you trust them? I prefer Rick’s plan of just runnin’ up in the spot and slaughtering EVERYONE.
-Dawn and Beth are chillin’, and Dawn is on a treadmill (or some sort of exercise equipment) trying to get a hold of her cops, who won’t respond on the radio because they’re tied the fuck up. Dawn tells the story of Captain Hanson, who is with her in the picture we saw in the Beth episode, and he was her mentor, but he lost his way or something. I zoned out during her story. I’m not quite sure if I even buy this character. If she actually is or was a cop, I have a feeling she would be fucking terrible at her job.
-Gabriel, Michonne, Carl and Judith are outside of the church and the walkers are almost out of the church. Gabriel tells Michonne that he had to go and see if they were telling him the truth. I have no idea what he is talking about, but if it smartens him up and gets him on board with this killin’ life. I’m all for it. The walkers finally break down the door, but lo and behold, the calvary returns with a fire truck and park it right in front. Apparently they decided against going through the walker horde, and it’s all love when they reunite. Eugene is STILL knocked out. Michonne tells Maggie that they found Beth and the group is gone to go get her, so they decide to make the trip to Atlanta as well. Maggie is so good. She actin’ like she cares.
-Beth is sitting by the elevator shaft where she is joined by Dawn, and the two get to talking about how Dawn is delusional and thinks the world is going to get better, while she tells Beth that the other cops don’t know she is a cop killer (she indirectly had the rapey cop killed, and good on her). Meanwhile, they’re joined by O’Donnell, another cop who earlier shoved the old man who loves strawberries and was part of Beth’s plan to get Carol drugs, and he overheard the whole thing. He threatens to tell the group and we learn that he and Dawn were rookie cops together and he tries to bring up a buncha old shit, but Dawn is like, nah, y’all have changed and now you’re rapin’ mufuckas, all with a gun pulled on him. They eventually fight and have their little tussle, and he starts to get the upper hand before Dawn does some sort of karate kick and gets him towards the elevator shaft, then Beth pushes him down and you hear the walkers converging on him. We have a new entrant in The Walking Dead world of tag teams.
-Dawn wanders into Carol’s room where Beth is sitting on the floor, and Dawn got her flask, drinking away the pain. Beth tells Dawn that she only protected Beth for her own benefit, then Dawn tells Beth that she knows Beth and Carol know each other, and that if she leaves, she’ll be back, just like Noah because they always come back. Dawn’s delusions are pretty damn strong. I still don’t buy this character, though. Meanwhile, I’m prayin’ that Carol wakes up and puts Dawn in a sleeperhold.
-Tyreese, Sasha and Daryl are up on the roof with their hostages, and Tyreese is tryna get Sasha to talk about her feelings at inopportune times. He tells her the story of him letting the Terminus cat go even though he told Carol that he killed him and it came back to bite him, but he doesn’t regret it. Sasha looks at him like, you ol’ punk bitch and is focused on the scope on her rifle. I’m still blaming him for her gettin’ soft and allowing Bob to get inside her head. At some point, he has to snap out of it…….right?
-Rick goes to the meeting point, where he is joined by two cops and Rick tells them he has a proposal. First of all, Rick’s revolver? Biggest joint I’ve ever seen. Has he had that the whole time? Jesus. Second, those cops are just terrible because they don’t seem to notice the group above them, and only know they’re around when Sasha shoots a walker that is coming behind them. These cops are no match for Rick and his peoples, bruh. At least the black cop still had some waves in his hair. It’s Atlanta, there had to be a black barber in the hospital somewhere.
-Rick and ’em are walking the cops into the hospital, while Beth, now dressed in regular clothes, decides she’s gon’ take a pair of scissors and stick them in her cast, which I know right away isn’t gon’ work out for her. The trade is about to go down: Beth and Carol for the two cops, so Beth is wheeling Carol out. Those cops did go along with the story that Bob was taken down by walkers, so everything goes smoothly until Dawn demands that Noah stay back; she’s losing Beth as a ward, so Noah was hers and she has a claim on her. Dawn be on that slaveowner’s shit and now I’m just cheering for her die somehow.
-That being said, it was always gon’ badly if it was Beth that tried some shit on Dawn, so she pulls out the scissors and stabs Dawn in the shoulder, and Dawn instinctively shoots her in the head. Dawn is horrified and is trying to say she didn’t mean it, but Daryl gives -875289 fucks about what she is saying and shoots Dawn, point blank. Everyone is looking around like, the fuck just happened? The cops tell Rick and ’em they can stay at the hospital and Rick is like, nah, but anyone who wants to leave there and join him, they can. Only Noah leaves.
-So, Beth is dead and I thought I’d feel some kinda way about it. I haven’t always liked her, but I did go from disdain to ehhhh, she’s just kinda annoying. But she brought this shit on herself. All she had to do was walk away, but she put her life at risk because Noah gave her lollipops. Ain’t that a bitch. That being said, this was a good death because this is definitely something stupid that Beth would do.
-Also, I spent all week steeling myself to watch Carol die. I had a feeling one of them weren’t leaving the hospital, especially when Dawn learned that one of her cops died. This recap would have had a completely different tone if it would have been her. Shit probably wouldn’t have come out until tomorrow.
-Glenn, Maggie, Michonne and ’em show up at the hospital, just in time to see the group walk out and Daryl is carrying Beth’s dead body in his arms. Maggie falls on the ground, losing her shit and man…..listen. I laughed for like, 12 minutes. NOW she cares, not when she thought she was dead before, not that she even asked Daryl when he got back with the group. Now she’s fallin’ out. Luckily, Lauren Cohan is great, so I’ll keep the slander to a minimum…..but that was some bullshit. Also, more shenanigans are called as Carol is now walking out of the hospital under her own power, but that’s Killa Carol and you don’t question her powers.
-Then we got some bonus post-credit action, and Morgan pops back up at the school where Gabriel was earlier, and he eventually gets to the church, where he finds Abe’s note that says, “Come to Washington, the new world is gonna need Rick Grimes”. He looks like he is about to set up shop at the church, so that is something to watch when the season resumes.
That closes the first half of Season 5 of The Walking Dead, which started with a bang, had some shady moments in the middle, and ended strongly, which is how the show has always gone for the most part. I’ve no idea what the plan is now, but they really should consider just taking over the hospital, therefore, fulfilling Rick’s plan of killing everyone. I look forward to more of ruthless Rick, Daryl going back to being dark after Beth’s death, Tyreese and Gabriel eventually sackin’ up and getting out of their feelings, Maggie doing some fake grieving, Glenn still workin’ on this threesome, and Carol throwing her hands and yellin’, ” FINALLY….what did I tell y’all about trustin’ mufuckas?”.
Season 5 of The Walking Dead resumes in February, but if you missed some shit, I think there is a marathon on AMC on New Years Eve or Day. At least we don’t have to wait a year like Mad Men.