Monthly Archives: January 2015

American Horror Story: Freak Show S04E13 – Curtain Call

I’ve written ad nauseam about my disappointment with the finales of the American Horror Story series, so when it came time to watch “Curtain Call”, the finale for Freak Show, I expected the worst, but hoped for the best. That seemed to work, because in my opinion, we got, by far, the best AHS finale yet. Let’s go……….

-The freaks are preparing for the Dandy Show to kick off and while none of them are high on working with him, he has money and people gotta eat. But Dandy is pissed that no one is buying tickets to the show, and well, let’s just say he doesn’t take advice too well. Paul tries to tell him that this happens in the beginning, and gets called a stupid freak; Eve tries to say they’re only giving advice and gets called an ugly cow. Dandy says they’re boring and mediocre, and threatens to put horns on Penny, but Paul gets on his chivalry tip, which Dandy obviously isn’t having and pushes him. Eve says, enough of this, and punches him in the face before the freaks tell him that they’re quitting. Paul also spits in his pretentious face and they walk off. Nothing good is gon’ come outta this. Dandy doesn’t exactly take to being told “no”.

-Elsa is in Hollywood and she walks into the WBN offices, tryna get an appointment with the head of the network, but the secretary kinda shrugs her off and tells her to have a seat. She smokes cigarette after cigarette after cigarette before the secretary gets ready to leave for the day, so it’s obvious that Elsa has been given the run-around for the third day in a row. You gotta feel a little bad for Elsa, who feels foolish because her appointment apparently went out the back to avoid her, and she learns quickly that this is Hollywood, and mufuckas don’t care about your feelings. Then the secretary says that Marlene Dietrich did Elsa’s act better, to which Elsa was like, oh hell naw, and slaps fire out ol’ girl’s face. The security guard grabs her before a man comes out and breaks everything up, and Elsa is lying on the ground, crying and looking as pathetic as we’ve seen her all series. But we learn that the man that broke everything up is Michael Beck, the junior VP of casting at the network, and his real last name is Beckenbauer, so they have that German connection. He jokes that he had to change to avoid being labelled a communist, not being a Nazi. It looks like she has an in.

-Dandy is putting make-up on his face, and you just know shit is about to get crazy because he has that good and insane look in his eyes. He starts walking through the freak show, humming a tune, and when he closes his eyes to get in that zone, you know it’s about to be some shit. Paul walks up and says something about back pay, and gets a bullet in the head for his trouble, but I mean, he spat in his face, so that had to happen. Penny hears the shot and I’ve no idea how she was planning to hide behind a sheet because it’s not like Dandy can’t see her behind a white sheet, and she gets shot in the head as well. Toulouse (the midget that was feeling up on the twins a few weeks ago) gets on, as well as little legless Suzi, and he chased her all around the tent, what an asshole. He did stub his toe while chasing her, though, that was pretty good.

-Desiree hears all this and knows what’s up as Dandy shoots a couple more random freaks. Eve hears the shots and runs out to Paul, who is long past dead and shoutout to the makeup people on AHS as that bullet hole in the back of his head looks damn real. Eve grabs a hatchet while Ima (the big girl) tries to hide, but that obviously doesn’t work. Dandy finds Desiree’s trailer and searches it, but she hides in a closet and does everything in her power not to make a sound. Dandy then gets tackled by Eve and the two fight, and she is kickin’ his ass all over the place, but Dandy gets free, shoots her in the leg and then the head. He continues the search for Desiree, but eventually gives up and returns to a tent where the twins are tied to a post. In my head, I’m saying to myself that I’ll stop watching this shit if he kills the twins, shit, even one of them, but instead, he asks them to join him. That is probably worse for them.

-I do like Dandy’s fancy golden revolver, but they didn’t even try to show him reloading that shit while going on his rampage. God love American Horror Story, a show that gives almost as few fucks as The Walking Dead when it comes to the little things.

-Jimmy’s fuck ass returns to the show to see what’s up after getting his wooden claws, and we’re not gon’ talk about how the cops apparently aren’t looking for him anymore after the truck he was in was jumped by Dell and Eve, and there were cops killed; that’s old shit. He calls for Elsa, but she’s long gone. Then he is slowly realizing, because that’s how Jimmy does things, that something is amiss. He walks into the big top, and it’s just a trail of dead bodies all the way up to the stage. Jimmy closes Eve’s eyes and I’m pretty sure we’re supposed to feel bad for him, but between the wooden claws and well, Jimmy, we all start laughing. Desiree puts her hand on his shoulder and Jimmy gets freaked out before he realizes it’s her, and she starts sobbing to end the most bloody and intense 20 minutes of the season.

-We return after commercial to the wedding of the twins (well, Bette) to Dandy, which takes place in his play/bed/killing room, and they’re joined by a kid playing the flute, homegirl on the harp and a fake-ass horse, along with some other stuffed animals. Dot tells them that she’ll just leave her body while they’re consummating the marriage, but Dandy basically tells that she’ll be joining them and threatening her if she disrespects his manhood, whatever the hell that means. They’re having a toast during dinner, and Dandy starts talking excitedly about the future, but the way it’s shot, it looks like everything around Dandy is moving, and Bette is talking him up, but Dot has this “mufucka you need to die” look on her face, so the wheels start turning. He drops the glass on the floor and we’re like, “AW SHIT THEY DRUGGED HIS ASS” as his vision gets blurry, and the maid that the twins hired is Desiree, who shows off the triple breasts one final time so he’ll recognize her. He goes to attack her, but Bette shoots Dandy with a tear in her eye and his Goldeneye gun, and all he says afterwards is, “THAT’S MINE”, referring to the gun because Dandy sees everything as his….EVERYTHING. Desiree calls for the butler and we all know Jimmy is coming out, which he does as we learn the twins snuck him earlier. They tell Dandy that he is finally gon’ be the star of the show as he passes out.

-They showed a few commercials for that A Most Violent Year movie, which I didn’t even know was a thing until last week. I’m intrigued, might gotta watch that.

-Dandy wakes up in a tank, so you know this won’t end well for him. He is in the Houdini escape tank, and he still thinks he can order people around because he’s delusional. Desiree just wants to cut his balls off, but Jimmy says they’re showmen, so it has to be theatrical. He says all the killing was what God wanted him to do, and he was just fulfilling his purpose, and even better, he forgives the twins for setting him up like this. Goddamn, Dandy Mott just might be the greatest character in AHS history, no less than top three. Bette tells Dandy that she hates him as he killed all her friends, and Desiree gives a speech about how he is a bigger freak than all of them as they turn on the water. He tries to bribe them with money, then says some shit about being immortal, but Jimmy replies with some speech about freaks inheriting the earth and I don’t care about anything he says anyway. The twins, Jimmy and Desiree sit around with some popcorn as Dandy eventually drowns, while we eat popcorn and watch them on some AHS/Inception shit.

-That Jennifer Lopez movie, The Boy Next Door, dammit that looks terrible, b.

-We go to Hollywood in 1960 and we learn that Elsa has become a star in both TV and music, and she is getting a start on the Walk of Fame, and she married Michael Beck eventually. But of course, she ends up being an asshole and shits all over the product of a coffee commercial she is filming, saying “shite” three times and the coffee tastes like piss. Michael and a network executive try to talk her into doing a promotional spread on Halloween, but freaks don’t work on Halloween, word to Edward Mordrake…..so the wheels get to turning again. Then Elsa calls Michael a pussy for some reason, and again says that she doesn’t work on Halloween. We learn that Elsa regrets marrying Michael and has returned to her dominatrix roots with him, and she is going home for another engagement.

-That engagement is Axeman Massimo, who flashes back to a time when Elsa was learning to walk with her new legs. Elsa hates her new life as she is surrounded by yes men, her and Michael cheat on each other constantly, and she feels cursed. She goes back to the birthday cake that Ethel made her in 1952, when she wished to be loved, and now she wants to run away with Massimo, but he has lung cancer and is due to die in a month. Jessica Lange and Danny Huston be actin’, bruh. Everything that they’ve done from Coven to Freak Show, there is never a wasted second.

-Elsa is hammered as Michael and the head of the network (who looks startlingly like John McCain) show up to tell her that the snuff film has popped up, and Michael is pissed because Elsa lied about how she lost her legs, so he says he’s packing his things. An article is coming out about the snuff film, and not only that, a private investigator has connected Elsa to the freak show in Jupiter, where everyone is dead. Basically, her entire past has violated a morality clause in her contract, so Elsa is getting the boot. She says fuck it all, and she’ll work on Halloween because she knows what’s gon’ happen.

-Elsa steps out to do her final performance, which is “Heroes” by David Bowie, so we can assume that Ryan Murphy loves some Bowie. She is doing her thing, and we see Desiree walking by a TV on the street, and she is now married to whatever the hell Theo Huxtable’s name is, with children. Jimmy is watching it at home….with the twins, who are pregnant and all I’m wondering is, does she feed him? I mean, he has wooden claws for hands. Then Mordrake and his crew show up, along with Twisty The Clown, who looks really weird with a full mouth. Elsa stops singing and everyone in real life is looking around like, uh, what’s wrong with her, while Elsa and Mordrake hammer out the details of her death as she brought him here under a suicide mission. So he does kill her (although it looks to everyone else like she just had a heart attack), but Mordrake says she doesn’t belong with his crew.

-Instead, Elsa ends up with her freaks, including Ethel, which means we get one last chance to hear Kathy Bates’ terrible Baltimore accent, and she says the freak show always have a full house in the afterlife, so apparently, Elsa ends up winning.

And that, my friends, wraps up Freak Show, which I’m not going to put above Coven yet, but it’s coming. That was easily the best and most coherent of all the AHS finales, and the only thing that bothers me is that Elsa kinda wins, but she was still miserable enough that she wasn’t happy, so that’s okay. We all thought that she would survive and end up reuniting with Pepper in the asylum, which isn’t completely off the table just yet, depending on what they plan for Season 5 (and if Lange decides to come back). That they managed to pull everything back together throughout this deliberate mess of a season was pretty incredible, especially after watching them foul it up for three season (definitely the last two, I’ll give Murder House a pass, though).

Sure, there were some strange times here and there, but overall, Freak Show was a fun hour of TV every week because you never knew what was coming, and you knew you were getting top-tier acting from 95% of the cast (we all know who I’m talkin’ about). Shoutout to Finn Wittrock for coming out of nowhere and dominating the season, with honorable mentions to Sarah Paulson, Angela Bassett, and Ms. Lange for the final three episodes; like a true veteran, she stepped up and carried this shit in the fourth quarter. Word to Neil Patrick Harris and Malcolm Jamal-Warner for coming through and doing their thing in their cameos as well. If you’re looking to start someone out on American Horror Story, give them Freak Show, and go from there.

Super special shout to the AHS crew, Jody, Lindsay and Mel, as I told y’all, the show was only eclipsed by the company. Can’t wait for the next one!

American Horror Story: Freak Show S04E12 – Show Stoppers

The main issue I have with American Horror Story is the inability to tie up loose ends in a timely fashion. Freak Show might have discovered the magic formula with “Show Stoppers”: with one episode left, they just decided to kill everybody and the results were encouraging. Let’s go…..

-Stanley rolls up to the freak show, where the freaks are partyin’ and celebrating Elsa’s sale to Chester, and she asks him to leave so she can be alone with the group. Really, she just wants him to be gone so they can be alone with Stanley, and they give all kinds of hints that they’re gon’ kill him. Eve in particular looks like she wants to kill him so bad, she might say fuck the plan and just get it in. They bring out a present for Stanley, and it turns out to be the head of the morbidity museum curator, who was murdered by Desiree and distracted by Maggie, who tells him that she snitched on their plan. Stanley starts coppin’ pleas, talkin’ about how great Hollywood will be, but that doesn’t stop him from going on the knife-throwing wheel and he eventually gets a knife in the leg as he tries to run away. But while he is escaping, he does manage to yell out, “she killed Ethel!”, so hold on to that. He scurries and scurries, but eventually gets trapped under a bus and surrounded by the freaks, and nothing good is about to happen for him.

-Elsa tells Jimmy she is gon’ take care of him since his mother is dead (and there has to be a little guilt involved), and Dell is dead because he tried to harm the freaks. Jimmy is furious and yells that he has no hands and can’t take a piss, which might be his best line of the series so far. Elsa also says she tracked down the doctor that worked on her legs and Maggie is gon’ clean his stumps, which he isn’t a fan of, but he really doesn’t have a choice. Then they try to have a moment, Maggie says she hates hurting Jimmy and she loves him, and Jimmy isn’t havin’ it at all, basically telling her to leave the show. I just can’t buy it from these two. They’re trying, I guess.

-The doctor, Massimo Dolcefino, shows up at the big top and he is played by Danny Huston, also known as the Axeman from Coven. They have a big, long hug and show more emotion in 15 seconds than Jimmy and Maggie have over like, eight episodes.

-The twins have decided they love the sex and want it all the time, and Chester is like, yeah, I’m in, but the doll has to be there, which is going to wear thin eventually, right? Right. So the twins ask if Marjorie can be put away, they cut to human Marjorie (Jamie Brewer) and yeah, it’s a bit off-putting. But I mean, I don’t think he had to throw her on the floor. That isn’t gon’ work out well for anyone, and Marjorie isn’t happy about the new changes in the relationship. Chester thinks that the twins are going to cure him of everything before Marjorie calls him a murderer, and we flash back to the death of his wife and her girlfriend, which we learn was really done by Chester. I was kinda caught off-guard because, well, Marjorie is a fucking doll and as she points out, incapable of murder. But two things: one, I really don’t put a whole lot of thinking in American Horror Story and two, come on, is a killer doll REALLY outside of the realm of possibility on this show? HAVE YOU SEEN THE OPENING CREDITS? Anyway, Marjorie puts it in Chester’s head that the twins have to go.

-The freaks are sitting around, looking at old pictures of Ethel and they’re tryna figure out their next course of action with Elsa selling the freak show. Finally, one of the third-tier freaks pipes up like, “so we’re not gon’ talk about what Stanley said, with the Elsa and the murder and the Ethel?”. They kick around a few ideas, and come to the conclusion that Ethel wouldn’t have killed herself, and they aim to kill Elsa.

-The twins are talking about Chester, the sex and the doll, and then Dandy enters their room with a dossier or some shit. He tells them that his mother has died and it was sudden and awful, but he left out the little part about him murdering her and having bath time in her blood. He says that he comes in friendship, although he would have loved to marry them, and he wants to offer them protection because he has some new information on Chester, because that doesn’t sound creepy at all. The twins aren’t hearing it and tell him to get out, but Dandy does leave the dossier with them.

-Elsa takes Massimo to Jimmy to talk about new hands, and Jimmy wants hooks, but Elsa shows him her wooden legs and is like, they’ve worked out well for me. Then Elsa and Massimo have a little exchange in which she talks about how much she trusts him and would have married him for saving her, but he replies that he loved her too much, so much that he went on a Kill Bill-esque revenge hunt on the dudes that cut off her legs and killed every last one of them. So he was found by heir leader, who was…….the crazy doctor from Asylum. We know he doesn’t play around, and he hooked up jumper cables to Massimo’s, um, junk, because I’m tryna keep it classy. He managed to escape, but he has no humanity left because of the war and having jumper cables attached to his nuts (so much for classy), and he leaves. Jimmy is sittin’ there like, so, how these hands? But again, one scene between Elsa and Massimo destroys everything Jimmy and Maggie have ever done. Take notes, kids.

-Chester is in the big top, explaining to everyone how the show will go with him in charge. The twins have read the dossier, so they obviously know something is up with Chester now and they say they don’t want to be his assistant anymore, and he is like, well, the new trick in the show is that I’m sawing you in half, so suck it up. Maggie, being the worst psychic ever, volunteers to take their place in the box, but Chester is seeing his wife and then her girlfriend. The freaks are kinda sitting around watching this like, ummmmmmm……should we stop him? Then Chester is all in makeup and costume, preparing to do this trick and I have no idea why he is in all the makeup, but whatever makes him comfortable. He puts shackles on her feet and it’s right around this time that Maggie is like, yo, I can’t move my legs, bruh, while he is going on about his wife and going to the war for her, and she says he should have died over there. Again, not one of the freaks has stepped up to help Maggie. Then Chester starts seeing Marjorie in the box and Maggie is like, YOOOOOO I’M IN HERE, BRUH. But Chester gets to sawing, and holy shit, we just watched Maggie get sawed in half and this season of American Horror Story has been saved. Shit is getting a “B” at the very least now.

-Marjorie is partyin’, just pointing and laughing while the rest of the freaks are like, what in the hell? Chester is stumbling around, disoriented and pulls apart the box to spill Maggie’s guts onto the floor, and he says he can put her back together, but that shit ain’t happening. Marjorie continues to laugh and Chester blames it all on her before running off. Desiree says that Maggie had it coming, and that they should rob her of her jewelry and bury her because, well, it’s practical. Chester follows Marjorie back to their room and she wants to leave, but he stabs her as well, like, multiple times.

-Cut to a flashback of Jimmy’s early days at the freak show and he is throwing up before a performance with Ethel, who encourages him, and then we’re in the present as Eve is telling him that Maggie is dead and Elsa is next. At this point, Jimmy is like, whatever, man. He has lost his mom, his dad that he never knew, he didn’t get the twins, he has been accused of killing like, nine women (Whatever happened to that anyway? They broke son outta jail and that’s it? Anyway…), I assume he has given up on big girl and now the closest thing he has left to a mother is going to die, too. And I still don’t feel sorry for him. But he is about to get some new hands, though, so that’s cool.

-The twins roll up on Elsa and find out the truth about her legs. They warn her that the freaks are coming for her because of what she did to Ethel, and Elsa is like, they wouldn’t kill me and the twins are like, do you wanna test that theory? Elsa realizes that she doesn’t want to at all. Meanwhile, the freaks are gathering up to do this and Desiree screams Ethel’s name and drinks all of the booze, then smashes a bottle and leads the way. I want Desiree to make inspirational speeches as I’m getting ready to do stuff.

-The freaks find Elsa’s tent empty, with only a record playing, because she has gotten the fuck outta dodge. After the commercial break, we return to Elsa sitting in a car where she is met by Dandy, who gives her an envelope and a bunch of money. I need to know what is in the envelope.

-Chester walks into the police station, covered in blood and confesses to the murder of Marjorie, which the cops are like, that’s a doll…..but whose blood is that all over your shit? So they’ll figure out that is Maggie’s blood, and he is done. Nice little arc for Neil Patrick Harris, but did we expect anything less than greatness from him?

-The freak show looks like a hurricane came through town, and ironically, Dandy pulls up to announce that he is taking inventory because he owns everything and everyone now. He is looking around, checking shit out and he hears a noise. He walks behind the stage in the big top to find Stanley, in a coop, with no arms, legs or tongue and dressed up like Meep. That’s some good revenge right there. Dandy is full of delight at seeing this because, well, he’s fucking Dandy.

-Massimo shows Jimmy his new clawhands, even though I would have asked for fingers now, but I guess he is used to claws. What they should have done was took Stanley’s hands and given them to Jimmy on some Frankenstein shit, but what do I know?

Quite the body count in this episode of Freak Show, sort of similar to Coven‘s penultimate episode, “Go To Hell”. If we get some sort of Freak Olympics like we did in Coven‘s finale, I might throw my laptop out of the window. If I had to guess, I’d expect Freak Show‘s finale to be Dandy-heavy with a 68% chance of him dying. The twins gotta go too, because we already saw their body in the museum, but with the curator dead now, is that still even a thing? Please, Freak Show, end the streak of terrible American Horror Story finales. We’re all counting on you.

American Horror Story: Freak Show S04E11 – Magical Thinking

American Horror Story: Freak Show returns for its stretch run and while I thought there was only one episode left after “Magical Thinking”, it turns out there are two. This is important because there was no way they could successfully wrap this up in one more episodes. Let’s go…..

-We find out that, two days ago (from what, I’m still not sure), Stanley is still tryna chat up Jimmy in jail, and Stanley throws out the plan that Jimmy could afford a good lawyer if he gives up his left hand. If he doesn’t, Stanley tells him he could end up like Meep, which is very likely, and he gives Jimmy a bottle of something. We all know they won’t end well, and of course, Jimmy starts puking right away, and Stanley starts yelling at the guard to get an ambulance there. I’m still not sure what to think of Denis O’Hare. I don’t know if he’s good, or he’s good in something as ridiculous as AHS.

-Stanley obviously has an ambulance on deck, driven by the fake doctor that couldn’t remember his lines from a few episodes ago, and he puts Stanley under so they can start. Jimmy wakes up in a hospital and realizes that something happened, and he needs something for the pain, but the nurse is like, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAP, you killed one of my homegirls at the tupperware party massacre. Poor Jimmy; mufucka is in too much pain to say, “IT WASN’T ME”. He looks down and notices that he is missing not just one, but two hands. Because why wouldn’t Stanley take both hands? How are people still trusting this dude? Anyway, welcome back, American Horror Story.

-The twins are happy, completely down with the freak show way of life. Dot has what I think is a beer or some sort of alcohol, Bette is making dirty jokes, and the plan is that they’re tryna have sex with someone. They don’t even need the diaries anymore because they’re that content with life now on some “Twins Gone Wild” shit. They walk into the big top to find a new person who just had to see what the freak show was all about: Chester Creb, who handles lizards apparently, he was in the Army and does some magic as well. Neil Patrick Harris finally makes his AHS appearance and I heard a while ago that he was gon’ be on, but I forgot about it until we saw his name in the opening credits. He also has a thing for magic in real life, I learned from his Nerdist Podcast episode. So you obviously have to think something is up with him because NPH isn’t playing a bit character. He is also a travelling salesman, and Dot says in her head, “you know what they say about them”. Um, what DO they say about travelling salesmen? And now that I think about it……Theo Huxtable (I can’t remember dude’s AHS name for the life of me) is also a travelling salesman….he and Chester on some tag-team shit?

-Dell goes to visit Jimmy in the hospital, and Michael Chilikis does some good overacting when he realizes what is going on with Stanley and Jimmy’s lack of hands. Dell tells him the story of why he doesn’t have the lobster claws, although his pops and brother did, and was chastised for being normal, so he booked when jimmy was born. Meanwhile, Jimmy is looking at his food like, hey, a little help here. It was a nice moment and all, but Dell killing Ma Petite destroys any sympathy you might have for him.

-Chester does his magic act for Elsa, who is looking to sell the freak show, remember, but she isn’t feeling the magic act. What she is feeling, however, is his organizational skills and she asks him to join the show as a de facto accountant. We also find out that Chester has some ventriloquist skills and a doll named Marjorie, who is very, um, involved in his life. After his little spiel about joining a family, he goes back to his trailer and we find out that Marjorie speaks, and I just can’t figure out where her voice is from…….until my homegirl blurts out, “PRETTY GIRL!”. BAM…..it’s Jamie Brewer, also known as the young daughter from Murder House (she just wanted to be a pretty girl, you know), and Nan from Coven. Well done, Ryan Murphy, well done.

-Then Paul walks in and is like, uhhhhhhhhhh, I heard voices, bruh, and Chester gives him some shit about rehearsing. Paul doesn’t buy it at all like, this mufucka is crazy as shit. But then we get a shot of Chester looking in a mirror, and the human version of Marjorie is behind him, but then he turns around and she is a doll again, but giggling. Oh man…….OH MAN.

-Dell runs up on Elsa, who is packing up her things with Eve, and he tells her what Stanley has done with Jimmy’s hands, but Elsa ain’t tryna hear it and kicks him out. Eve follows him and she’s willing to overlook their past beef as she wants to help Dell out with the Stanley situation. Dell knows how Eve gets down and ain’t tryna get that ass kicked again, so he’s down with the plan.

-The twins are chillin’ when Chester  comes by their trailer, and he comes by with some magic tricks. They’re all amazed by his tricks, or they’re just acting so they can get what they want, which is the D. But he has other ideas as Chester tells them that he found some old props, and one of them is the box from the saw-mufuckas-in-half trick (that is the technical name for it, I looked). He explains to them how it works and that he wants them to be his assistants, because they’re beautiful and such. My question is, why is he wearing so much makeup during the trick? I didn’t know magicians needed that much makeup, but whatever. We go to one of his flashbacks from when Chester was in the Army, and there are two women making out on a bed, so he is comfortable with threesomes……but, um, yeah, he is sitting in the corner with Marjorie the doll, just watching. Nah…..not creepy at all, jeez.

-The cops are taking Jimmy out of the hospital and back to the station, when their truck is attacked by Dell and Eve, who stands in the middle of the road to throw a brick through the window, then jumps out of the way in some of the worst CGI I’ve ever seen. I’m not sure if CGI is even the right term, but it was so ridiculously awesome, even better the second time around. Dell beats the dogshit outta one cop with a crowbar while Eve sorts the other one out, and they get Jimmy outta dodge.

-The twins are playin’ that sexy music, getting ready to visit Chester , who is talking to Marjorie and I’m so confused as to who can hear her. Is it all in his head? Can other people hear it? I think the latter is true because Paul said he heard voices, but you never know with American Horror Story. Even the twins are like, that is excellent how you can throw your voice like that and Chester is like, uuuuuuh, yeah, that was me. Anyway, the twins don’t waste any time and ask him if he’ll take their virginity. Chester is down, but he starts to get a headache and a piercing noise comes out of nowhere. Go to another flashback, and the women are making out again while he watches with the doll, and the women are like, okay, you need to get rid of that shit. We learn that it is his wife, who started a lesbian relationship while he was in the war, and his wife’s girlfriend was like, I’ma make these two fingers disappear….IN YOUR WIFE. And again, with the piercing noise. The twins are like, we know what will help with that: tittays. They place his hand on their chest and things are about to get poppin’, but Chester is like, I need the doll and they’re like, man, whatever, let’s just do this, weirdo. So, the sex gets had on the floor.

-SPLIT SCREEN SEX! Coming to the next edition of Grand Theft Auto, I bet.

-So, we head over to Mott Manor, where the cop that killed Precious for Dandy has done some investigating and tells Dandy that the twins are fuckin’ with Chester now. Dandy gets that murderous cry look going and keeps repeating, “they were supposed to be mine”. Oh yeah….mufuckas gon’ die.

-We get a cool nighttime shot of the freak show, and Chester is tryna put Marjorie in a box, and she is not having it at all. Go back to another flashback of his wife’s girlfriend, who hid Marjorie and starts shitting on dude for still wearing his uniform four years later, and needing a doll to get an erection. He doesn’t care about his wife cheating, this woman destroying his entire existence, just give him the doll back. He looks over the woman’s shoulder and sees human Marjorie saying they need to get rid of her and his wife, then Paul walks in like, dude, if you can stop talkin’ to yourself for one friggin’ minute, Elsa wants to talk to you. Good Lord, Chester’s character is a hot mess.

-Turns out Elsa wants to sell the freak show to Chester before she leaves, but he wants to make Marjorie the headliner and not only that, he wants to give her Elsa’s room. Jessica Lange’s face during this entire scene is priceless. Lookin’ at Chester like, you wanna do what for this doll, now? Word? WORD?

-Chester goes back to his trailer and Marjorie is gone again, which is great timing because the cops roll up to the freak show looking for Jimmy after the Dell/Eve escape. They’re pissed because cops are dead, and they encounter Chester’s crazy ass yelling about them finding the doll and again, Elsa is like, is this guy fucking serious? The cops are like, wayament, dude is talking about a fucking doll? Chester stumbles off and Elsa is like, look what I gotta deal with. The cops proceed to start tearing the freak show apart.

-Chester is looking for Marjorie throughout the freak show, and he runs into Dandy on the carousel. Dandy’s fur pimp coat might turn out to be one of the top five things that come out of Freak Show, like he just came back from asking bitches where his money was at. Anyway, he feels into Chester being delusional and Dandy has really done his background work or should I say, the cop did. He found out that Chester’s wife and girlfriend were killed by Chester, who told the cops that Marjorie did it and now he is on the run. However, we see that Chester walked into a bloody bedroom where human Marjorie had beaten them with a hammer because they should have let them join in; they should have been included. Hey bruh, Pretty Girl just wanted in on this threesome. Even Dandy looks at Chester like, that’s pretty fucked up, b. That is when you KNOW you’re crazy.

-The way Dandy says, “what a sicko”, right before the cop tells him about the murder was so fucking good. Finn Wittrock, bruh. Dude is a beast in this role.

-Dandy tells Chester that Marjorie is in the big top and there she is, eating grapes and shit. She demands to get top billing, but not only that, she orders Chester to saw the twins in half. Basically, she did the dirty work last time, it’s his turn. I’m thinking she is like his dark passenger, like in Dexter. Also, with NPH in the house, we’re about to get the musical number to end all AHS musical numbers.

-Maggie shows up in Elsa’s room, saying she has something to show her. Meanwhile, Desiree is waiting for Dell in his trailer, and she has a gun, saying they have a lot to talk about. He admits killing the cops when he broke Jimmy out, but Desiree is like, you did some other shit, too. While this is going on, we see Maggie leading Elsa to the jar that has Ma Petite in it, and Desiree gets Dell to cop to that as well. That’s all Elsa needed to hear, because she shoots Dell in the back of the head.

-Apparently, this morbidity museum doesn’t have a lick of security, because you can just walk the fuck out with a jar containing a dead little person.

I definitely like this episode better after the second time I watched it, and I think it’s because I know there are two episodes left after this instead of one. That means a little more time to flesh out this Chester storyline, but AHS is notorious for bringing some new shit with like, two episodes to go, and then the conclusion feels rushed.

Our AHS crew also asks the question of Elsa and the connection to Asylum, which we saw in “Orphans”. Does Elsa go crazy after moving to Hollywood and end up as the nun at Briarcliff? After Ep.10, none of that shit is off the table in American Horror Story: Freak Show.