The Walking Dead S05E14 – Spend

Ever since the group got to Alexandria, The Walking Dead has been slowly integrating them into the new folks. Having parties, getting jobs, everything has been just wonderful. In “Spend”, that all gets tossed into a blender where Rick’s gun was supposed to be, set on fire and thrown off a cliff. Let’s go…..

-Father Bitchass hasn’t been around in a while, and I fear that the entire episode will be about him, so I’m already mad. He stares at a bowl of strawberries and a welcome note from some Rosemary person, and then starts ripping pages out of the Bible. Fuck are you so mad about? Your ass should still be on a rock in the woods surrounded by walkers. I bet he had the worst sermons and you know he stole from the collection plate.

-Noah meets with Deanna’s wife, Reg, the architect of the walls, and he wants to be an architect as well. Reg also writes everything down and Noah is intrigued, so Reg gives him his journal. Awwwww, Noah has a job. I’m not sure how much I trust him with tools and whatnot, but hey, gotta earn your keep somehow.

-Abe is up, washing his face and we see Rosa in the background, still in bed, so I guess that is actually a thing now. Man, shoutout to hot water. I’d still be showering.

-A run has to be made to pick up a part for the grid as they’re out of power, so there is a group consisting of Glenn, Aiden, his friend Nicholas, Tara, Noah and Eugene, whom Noah tries to give a gun to, but Eugene is like, nah, I’m not going, I’m a punk. But he ends up going anyway because he’s too much of a punk to stand up to Noah. Aiden says bye to his parents, Glenn says bye to Maggie, and Deanna thanks Glenn again for punching her son in the mouth. He should punch him again because whatever the hell they’re playing in the rave van as they’re driving away is awful. Meanwhile, Father Bitchass is skulking around outside the church.

-Jessie and Rick are in her garage, and her owl sculpture was smashed. She needs to just give up on that, it has been knocked over a couple times now, but as soon as I saw it, I just assumed it was her husband. Rick tells her about the broken-window theory, which is, if you keep the windows intact, society stays intact. Rick tryna be smart to get in her pants with this bullshit-ass theory. Go ‘head, bruh. Anyway, he says he’ll look into it.

-The run group get to the warehouse and Aiden wants to just run in all willy-nilly, but Glenn suggests checking the perimeter first in case shit goes down and they need an exit plan. Aiden says his plan is to run out the front because he has no idea how real it gets in these streets, and he hasn’t been on-screen that long, but they did a good job in casting this character. The actor’s name is Daniel Bonjour, he’s from South Africa and he is excellent at looking smug as hell.

-Eugene and Tara are walking together, and she tells him to pull his weight and he responds that he’s the one who got them to Washington. Uh, you were unconscious for the beginning of it and it spawned from a lie. Quite delusional of him and I want Tara to just kill him, right there.

-Noah and Glenn are scouting out the place and find a whole horde of walkers, where, at the front where Aiden was planning to run out. We don’t need to check the perimeter, he said. What a douche.

-They make it into the warehouse with Glenn leading, and Aiden is impressed with the way Glenn carries himself. They find a buncha walkers behind a fence and Aiden is shook as shit, you can see it in his eyes. Everyone splits off into pairs to find what they need, and the Eugene/Tara pair finds them first, while the Aiden/Nicholas pair get run up on by a walker in full body armor and he starts shooting it, but Glenn notices that it has explosives on it and tries to get Aiden to stop, to no avail. ZOMBIE BOMBS!

-Tara gets messed up by the zombie bomb, as does Aiden, who ends up impaled on a forklift. A walker runs up on Eugene, who is too scared to shoot it, and almost gets bit by another walker before Glenn and Noah saves him. Not gon’ lie, I was kinda rooting for the walkers there.

-Carol finds Sam, the kid she supposedly scared, downstairs in her pantry looking for more cookies. Carol is being as mean as possible to the kid, and he doesn’t seem to be shook, all he wants is cookies, so Carol tells him to steal chocolate from the room, and to get her a bar for herself, because blackmailing children is what’s hot in the streets. But now I’m wondering what is wrong with this kid that he can break into the house of a person that has already threatened to tie him to a tree so the walkers could get him. I don’t know about you, but I’d be staying FAR away from her.

-Glenn formulates a plan to escape, but they’re startled by Aiden, who is apparently still alive, even though Nicholas said he checked him and he was dead. The walkers notice this as well, so Glenn, Noah and Nicholas try to save him while Eugene waits with Tara. It’s right about here that I realize someone isn’t making it back to Alexandria.

-Abe is on a construction site, run by Tobin (the man that told Carol he would teach her how to shoot in the previous episode), and he starts getting lightheaded and it looks like a bout of PTSD. However, he snaps out of it when a group of walkers comes out of the woods, but the lookout, Francine, falls out of her tractor. Tobin wants to leave her there, but Abe swoops in to save the day. It’s funny that Tobin says they can’t rescue Francine when she’s like, ten feet away and they all have guns. Meanwhile, Abe is basically wetting his pants at the chance to kill some shit. However, the rest of the crew aren’t bitches like Tobin and decide to help out.

-Pete stops by Rick’s house with beer, so we can confirm that he’s a drunk now. The two have a really weird conversation in which Pete keeps dropping hints that he knows Rick’s tryna bang his wife, and Rick has to be wondering if he saw the kiss. I still think Pete broke the owl, and then drops, “oh, I hear you lost your wife”, and at this point, I think Rick is just going to bite his throat because he has done it before. All Pete needs to say is, hey, could you not try and bang my wife? Then they have a real awkward handshake, so this fight gotta happen at this point.

-Eugene spends his time chastising an unconscious Tara before gettin’ on his Last Action Hero shit, walking outta the room he was in with her over his shoulder and shooting zombies and I’m dying of laughter at this point. Meanwhile, Glenn and ’em are still tryna save Aiden, whose screams draw more walkers and his boy, Nicholas, runs the fuck off, but not before he says, “you left them, that’s who we are” and Glenn is like, say word? That’s when Aiden tells him the truth about the four people they lost; it was he and Nicholas who panicked, so really, they’re not about that life at all. Glenn stays until the last possible second, but he and Noah have to leave, so we get to watch Aiden get just fuckin’ devoured by walkers, who FINALLY get to eat. We always see them getting killed, it’s good to see them getting thrown a bone (or a horse) every once in a while.

-Francine punches Tobin for even thinking of letting her die, and then Abe assumes control of the group because there is still sunlight, which means there is work to do. Francine is lookin’ at him like, oh really now, and he should consider that, although Rosa won’t be happy. But Abe needs a mission, and now he has it.

-Glenn, Noah and Nicholas try to get out the front, but they should have known that wasn’t gon’ work, and end up getting stuck in the only revolving door left on the planet, where they get surrounded by walkers while I hear the Benny Hill theme playing in my head. This is gon’ end SO BADLY for someone, hopefully Nicholas.

-Tobin goes to Deanna, Reg and Maggie to tell them that Abe should run the construction site and they all seem to agree, but Deanna pushes back a little on Maggie, saying that it’s funny that one of her people does something good and she vouches for them. One, everyone knows Abe should be the leader of that shit and two, what did she think was gon’ happen?

-Carol is making these cookies for Sam and still being an outright asshole to him, but he is still tryna be friends and make small talk. Carol then finds out that it was Sam who broke the owl, and he asks her if he can have a gun; she asks why he needs one and he runs out, and the wheels start turning for Carol, who we all know has been in this situation before: Pete beats Jessie and Sam.

-The three are still stuck in the revolving door, but Eugene rolls up with the rave van to distract the walkers and Glenn comes up with a plan to get out, but Nicholas goes against the plan to try and get himself out, and Noah ends up getting grabbed by the walkers. So, I’m willing to put this up there with the most gruesome deaths of all time in The Walking Dead as the walkers are literally tearing Noah’s face and eyes apart as he is pressed up against the glass, but more disturbing is that Glenn has to watch it and for everything he has seen and done, he is a mess. This was horrifying. Even the second time I watched it, it was horrifying.

-Nicholas runs up to Eugene in the van and tries to hijack it and the two fight before Glenn runs up and punches the dogshit outta Nicholas. They throw him in the van with Tara and drive off, and Eugene asks where Noah is, but he knows what happened. He sees the journal that Noah was given by Reg, and all Noah managed to write was “This is only the beginning”. Oh, it’s the beginning of something alright.

-Carol goes over to Pete’s, where she finds him drunk and asks to speak with either Sam or Jessie, but he says it’s a bad time and slams the door, and all he has done now is awaken Killa Carol. You have fun with that, Pete.

-Gabriel goes to Deanna to tell her that Rick and his crew are dangerous and that they’re gon’ mess everything up, but little does he know that Maggie is listening around the corner. He looks slightly wide-eyed and crazy, and he keeps saying that Satan disguises himself. Deanna says she has a lot to think about before he leaves, but holy shit, I wanted to jump on-screen and fight this dude myself. Gabriel says that the group did some things, like, I don’t know, KILL CANNIBALS. His fuckass self would still be on a rock as walker bait and his church would have eventually got overrun anyway, and let’s not act like Father Bitchass himself didn’t leave his congregation outside of a locked church to get eaten. Sure, Rick and ’em are dangerous and he might have like, 13% of a point. But let’s not act like his hands are clean. He is the worst character in the history of The Walking Dead.

-While Father Bitchass is talking to Deanna, their convo is getting cut with Carol telling Rick her suspicions about Pete, and she tells him that Rick is gon’ have to kill him. I mean, they could have a trial or get some evidence, but hey, that shit gets in the way and we all know he’s guilty, so I’m ridin’ with Killa on this one.

So, it’s gon’ be interesting when Glenn comes back to Deanna without her son, and Nicholas’ fuckass lies on them. How much stock does/will she put into the rantings of Father Bitchass? Where is that little Enid girl who I’m 99% sure has Rick’s blender gun? Will Eugene start punching random mufuckas in the face because he’s a man now? I have no idea, but The Walking Dead has a lot to live up to after what I feel was the best episode of the season and definitely the best since last season’s “The Grove”, which was also episode 14. Two episodes left, let’s get it.



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