Monthly Archives: April 2015

Mad Men S07E11 – Time & Life

After the strangeness of “New Business“, it looks like Mad Men is back on track coming down the backstretch as “The Forecast” was solid and then goes to a new level with “Time & Life”, where the firm gets some bad news and as a group, they wonder something most of them have thought about on an individual level: can I survive this new era?

Also, before I go on, this episode was directed by Jared Harris, also known as Lane Pryce, a former partner in the firm before he brought on his own ending. Personally, I remember him more for this GIF and if you think there is no irony or coincidence that he, who played a former partner, is directing this episode, you haven’t been paying attention to Mad Men. Let’s go….

-Pete and Ken are at dinner, with Ken going on about an expensive wine while Pete is tryna talk about a campaign and Ken is not giving him any answers at all, basically just stringing him along because he can. Then Don shows up late and tells Ken not to worry about it, and Ken is like, okay. Pete is looking around like, the fuck just happened? This goes back to last episode where Mathis yelled at Don for being Don before he was fired. Pete has been around Don enough to know how this goes.

-Don calls his harem answering service to find out that Diana called, but asked not to leave messages and there is no number. I’m wondering if this is some kind of swerve, like she didn’t exist or she was a different person or something. They’re still tryna keep her in your (and Don’s) mind.

-Roger gets some mail and calls his first secretary, who kinda looks like Howard from The Big Bang Theory, then it becomes a secretary party in Roger’s office, although Joan is not here for being called (yelled) for like a secretary by Roger. The rent hasn’t been paid, but that is because there is a problem: McCann seems to have ended the lease and didn’t tell anyone. Roger wants to speak to someone at McCann while Don arrives at the office, along with an elevator full of women and their children.

-Pete gets a call from Trudy and that’s awesome because it’s always good to see Alison Brie. Their daughter didn’t get into Greenwich County Day, which sounds like some prestigious boarding school for kids. They have a meeting tomorrow to speak to the head of the school, but Trudy wasn’t even gon’ tell Pete about it, which seems kinda messed up. He’s an asshole, but he’s still Tammy’s father.

-Peggy, Stan and some other woman are in a room with some kids, and Peggy instructs them to play with some toys like no one is watching, but these kids know someone is watching, so they don’t do much. Peggy doesn’t seem to understand why and Stan gets through to them, then makes a comment about Peggy hating kids. He knows nothing about her past, but it’s a fair conclusion to come to after watching Peggy interact with this group.

-Roger is on the phone with Ferg Donnelly, who breaks the news that they’re moving the SCDWhateverOtherLettersYouCanThinkOf into the building where McCann is now and while he tries to smooth things over, Roger knows what is going on: they’re being absorbed. Joan sees it as well and puts her head on Roger’s shoulder. This is how it all starts as they’re losing their autonomy and next, the name goes.

-Roger, Joan, Ted and Pete all go into Don’s office and Roger breaks the news, while Don breaks his “no drinking at work” rule to pour out a round. Shoutout to him lasting as long as he did. Pete is putting up a fuss and says that they have clients that are conflicts of interest and that he isn’t going, but Joan brings up their contracts and really, in the world of business, that doesn’t matter, they can break whatever they need to break to make this happen. Roger tells them to keep it a secret until they have their meeting with Jim Hobarth tomorrow, but Pete storms out.

-Pete walks by Peggy and looks at her with the children, and he breaks the news to her about what is happening, because fuck secrets. However, he looks at her for a long minute with the children and I can’t remember if he knows about her past in regards to the son she gave up for adoption. Hell, if I’m not mistaken (and I very well could be), the baby was Pete’s, which is why he felt some kinda way about Peggy and the kids, and why he chose to break the secret to her. She deserved to know anyway, but still, he didn’t have to. She even ends up consoling him; it’s all coming back full circle.

-Joan tells Richard that she had a bad day at work, to which he tells his secretary to get him on a redye to New York, so this is serious, apparently.

-Meredith tells Don that he has to go look at apartments and has some other work stuff to do, but Don tells her to cancel everything as he is taking a personal day, because he can. Then he gets a call from Lou, who is tryna gloat about his cartoon being picked up and he is moving to Tokyo. He is so pressed to make Don jealous, while Don looks like he couldn’t give any less of a fuck about Lou and his life. If anything, Don looks happy to have Lou out of his life for good. Lou couldn’t even gloat right. What a dickbag. But then we get the “Don lying on the couch in deep thought” shot and he has an idea, so he calls to Meredith.

-He gets the crew together in a boardroom to tell them his idea: Sterling Cooper West. They still have an office in California that won’t be in use after Lou leaves and they have some clients they can fight for, like Burger Chef, Sunkist and Dow (Ken’s company). Ted doesn’t want to go to California, while Joan is fighting for Avon (her account), but Don is like, meh, can’t do it. But this is Don at his best, being at work, running shit. It is really the only place and time where he is happy, or at least content. Meanwhile, Meredith knows something is going on and looks anxious. She be tryna help and shit.

-Peggy meets a headhunter to figure out her job prospects in case she gets let go (Pete said she’s probably going, they need her) and while she doesn’t wanna hear it, her best direction is with McCann, where she can get more money in a short amount of time and probably not take a step backward. Why doesn’t she just wait and talk to Don, or someone about what’s going on?

-Roger and Pete meet Ken with wine and caviar to discuss him staying with the firm, and Ken seems like he is down with it all, but you can just see it in his eyes as he has been dying to tell them “no”, which he does and leaves right away. Oh, this ain’t over. You don’t fuck over Roger Sterling and get away with it. Pete, maybe, but not Roger.

-Don and Ted are in the boardroom, and Ted apologizes for taking his spot in California, which was just a terrible place for Ted and his ex-wife is still there, so he isn’t too psyched to go, but he understands why Don wants to go (even though his ex-wife is there as well). Don says that’s okay if Ted doesn’t want to go and it might help them if he stays, while Joan tells them about Ken, so now they have to start looking at the smaller accounts to make up for Dow. Another example of Joan being treated like a secretary, which is the opposite of what she’s tryna do.

-Pete and Trudy go to the meeting about Tammy, where they learn that she didn’t pass the test and Trudy didn’t have a backup plan. But as it turns out, the headmaster of the school has beef with Pete’s family from like, way back in the day on some Hatfield and McCoy shit, and Pete ends up punching dude in the face after he insults Trudy one too many times. Look at Pete, having morals and values and shit. Dude deserved it, though.

-Peggy and Stan see a little girl waiting outside to audition, but there are no parents to speak of there and everyone is too busy to watch her, so she goes downstairs with Peggy and Stan. Shoutout once again to Stan’s neckwear game.

-Pete and Trudy return home and they’re actually being civil as it turns out, Pete can dial it back on being an asshole when his job is at stake. Meanwhile, Trudy is going on about how being a divorced woman sucks and she has no friends and she is always getting hit on by dirtbags, but in ten years no one will be doing it anymore and I’m like, she’s about to give Pete some. Instead, he uses the phone to call a client, some laxative people.

-Peggy and Stan are going over work when the little girl they’re watching staples her finger just in time for her mom to show up. Her mom is pissed, but Peggy is like, watch your damn kids because you’re running them into the ground. The mom tells her to do what she wants with her own kids, which is a low blow to Peggy, while Stan is in the background like, the fuck is happening right now? Both women had valid points, but Stan, just stay out of it.

-The crew goes to make a presentation about SC West to Ferg and Jim, who don’t even give Don the satisfaction of finishing it. He goes by all the men and names off accounts they’ll be working on (which leaves Joan ass out), and that they’re with a bigger name that has an international presence, and to stop fighting it: they won. The shot at the five of them at that table after the meeting is priceless, and it reminds me of when they were in the office they’re at now, at the end of Season 5. Damn, Mad Men is so good at this.

-So in true fashion, they go to get drunk as the McCann people told them to have the day off, with Roger giving a toast to Bert, but Joan is happy he wasn’t here to see this. Joan and Pete dip out, while Ted stays for one more round because he has a date. There was something in that hug between Joan and Roger. I’m sticking with my prediction, even with Richard in the picture now.

-In the cab, Joan notes to Pete that they skipped over her when it came to the accounts and while Pete says they don’t know who they’re dealing with, Joan knows that no matter what she does, they’ll never take her seriously.

-Then we get a quick cut to Peggy, which is great considering their confrontation from “Severance“. She is still pissed about the woman from earlier, then she gets on Stan for him saying she hates kids. She keeps dropping hints and Stan picks up on them, asking what happen, to which she tells him about the son she gave up and he shouldn’t be so judgmental because you don’t know what people have gone through. Being judgmental is human nature and there isn’t anything we can do about it, all you can do is the best you can. They gotta get together, bruh. I think Stan mentions in this episode that he and his random girlfriend had broken up recently anyway.

-Also, I think Peggy is going to find that child over the next three episodes, just to say what’s up.

-Roger and Don are now beyond drunk and Roger is going on about his legacy, then he has to go to meet a woman, which turns out to be Marie (Megan’s mom) and Don is like, say what? Roger knows that she is crazy, but he married his secretary and it went badly, yet Don still did it anyway and Don is like, you’re absolutely right. So Roger leaves Don by himself, which is sad because he doesn’t have anyone. Also, during this scene, one of the two says, “what’s in a name?” because I think sometimes, we forget about the whole Dick Whitman thing that Don has going on.

-So of course, he goes to visit where Diana was the last time he saw her, but she is gone and a gay couple now lives there. They invite Don in and he’s like, nah, I’m good.

-At the firm, Meredith storms into Don’s office and demands to know what is going on because all she has seen over the last couple of days is secret meetings and whispers among the partners. Basically, she says that the natives are starting to get restless and someone needs to say something, and she’s right, so everyone goes to the lobby.

-Meanwhile, Peggy and Stan are in their offices and she tells him that she is going to McCann and he can too, and he’ll go wherever she goes. They both stay on the phone, in their offices, working in silence. Yep, they gon’ be together.

-Don and Roger try to break the news as smoothly as possible, but the office is like, NOAP, and everyone starts walking out, leaving the five partners standing there, wondering what is going to happen next.

Another excellent episode of Mad Men as the series is starting to find its groove, so now it seems to be a matter of who goes to McCann or tries to go their own way. I’d like to see one more episode with Betty and Sally, while Peggy has a lot of personal stuff to sort out. I’m ready for it.

 

 

Game Of Thrones S05E03 – High Sparrow

When it comes to Game Of Thrones, it’s all about aligning yourself with the best chance to get closer to the Iron Throne, or even just to stay alive. We saw a couple examples of that in “High Sparrow”, along with an ending that makes me mad just thinking about it again. Let’s go….

-We open at the House Of Black And White, where Arya is sweeping the floor because all men must serve, as Jaqen H’ghar said. He gives a man a drink of water, while Arya tells Jaqen what she ain’t about to do, and that is sweep floors. Patience has never been Arya’s strong suit. Then she says the water-drinking man dead on the floor, and two more put him on a stretcher to carry him out. Don’t drink the water at the Dojo of the Dead, folks. Also, we see The Waif for the first time, ol’ “The Ring” ass lookin’ girl.

-Cersei is ridin’ through the city streets and she is vexed about hearing Margaery being called Queen, which means that her and Tommen are about to be married. Then they consummated the marriage and Tommen was doin’ some internal partyin’, as we all did the first time we had sex, while Margaery started plotting right away. She suggests that Tommen think about sending Cersei somewhere away from them as she’ll be meddling in his affairs and treating him like a child. Tommen relays this suggestion to Cersei, and you can see her muttering, “THIS bitch” in her head as he wants her go to Casterly Rock.

-The we get the meeting of the minds as Cersei goes to talk to Margaery, who got all these jokes for days, talkin’ about how much she and Tommen were fuckin’ the night before and then she apologizes to Cersei as they have no wine out, it’s a bit early for them, but not for her. Remember those cartoons where you could see smoke coming out of the characters’ ears? That would be Cersei, who took all the punches Margaery threw, and walked way on some, “I’m get this bitch SO GOOD”. Margaery definitely won that battle, but she doesn’t know who she is playin’ with. Again, if she was smart, she would learn to work with Cersei and the two could run shit, but teamwork doesn’t always fly in Game Of Thrones.

-We finally get to see Winterfell, where Theon/Reek sees two flayed bodies hanging and it probably takes him back to the burning of the children, which is why no one should feel sorry for him. The flaying was of course done by Ramsey, and father Roose is tryna talk him down, saying that his actions will have future consequences which they don’t need to deal with because they don’t have Lannister backing anymore. He tells Ramsey that he should have a suitable wife as he is a lord now, That wife will be…….

-Cut to Sansa and Littlefinger and their crew riding along and Sansa sees her former home, and she knows what time it is. Sansa obviously isn’t with it, but Littlefinger persuades her that this is the best chance for her to avenge her family and it will keep her safe. She thinks about it for a minute and she still doesn’t like it, but she rides on and I’m starting to like Sansa far more than I ever have. She’s getting better at playing the game every week.

-Then we get Brienne’s backstory as she was the daughter of a lord who tried to marry her off, but her group of suitors were making fun of her behind her back because of her appearance, and Renly Baratheon was the only one to more or less treat her as a human, which is why she pledged her allegiance to him, even though Renly was obviously gay and didn’t mess with women. So her plan is to avenge Renly by killing Stannis, although she’ll probably have to go through Melisandre and the Vagina Shadow as well. She also tells Pod da Gawd that she will teach him how to fight with a sword and she seems to be coming around on Pod, at least enough to be civil with him.

-Stannis tries to get Jon to take his offer once again, but Jon is steadfast in being the leader of the Night’s Watch and asks Stannis how long he’s gon’ be staying on the couch for. The Night’s Watch can’t continue to feed his army, along with the wildling prisoners, and shit is getting real with winter coming and all. Stannis says he’ll be out before the snow starts, and that Jon should consider sending Alliser away, but Jon wants to keep his enemies close and all that. Stannis leaves, but Davos sticks around and asks Jon to reconsider once again because Stannis likes him for some reason and Stannis doesn’t like anyone. To be fair, he’s kinda right. Even though Stannis isn’t the most interesting character and he’s being run by Melisandre, he seems to be in a good position to make a run at the Iron Throne. Jon Snow tryna be honorable, though, and we all saw where that got his father.

-The Waif confronts Arya and starts whipping her when Arya won’t tell her who she is. I see where she is coming from as Arya just waltzes in here demanding a spot in the Dojo of the Dead, and she has probably been there for a decade now, still sweeping floors. Jaqen steps in to defend her, but he does say that Arya can’t be “no one” as she said as she has Arya Stark’s clothes and was about to wreck shop with Arya Stark’s sword. Basically, you have to give up your entire identity to be down with the Faceless Men. So Arya throws away her shit, but she can’t bear to throw away Needle, which was given to her by Jon a long, long time ago and is the only tie she has left to her family, so she buries it in some rocks. Maisie Williams is a beast, bruh. i just wanted to hug her throughout the entire scene.

-She goes back to the Dojo and is ordered to help The Waif clean another dead body, so maybe she should be happy that she isn’t dying. The Waif ain’t about to answer any of her questions though, so Arya grabs a cloth and gets to washing.

-Sansa and Littlefinger roll up in Winterfell and Theon/Reek sees her, but says nothing. Sansa bites her tongue when greeting the Boltons, which is smart because well, living is fun. Then she greets Ramsey, but then it flashes to some girl lookin’ mad, and her name is Myranda, whom you might remember from helping Ramsey castrate Theon, then helping him chase some girl through the woods and feeding her to dogs, and then fucking him as Theon’s sister tried to rescue him. Keep an eye on that, because she’s about to be so damn mad.

-Sansa is shown to her old room, but it’s like she has never seen it before. Then an older woman welcomes her home and says, “The North Remembers”, which is a quote that the northerners follow and you gotta believe that will come back again. Game Of Thrones is too smart to drop something like that out there and then not do anything with it. It probably won’t be for a while, though. My theory is that Sansa and Ramsey’s wedding might be a shitshow because well, weddings and Game Of Thrones equals shitshow.

-Jon tells Sam that he decided not to take Stannis’ offer and then instead of being petty, he gives Alliser a good job as the First Ranger, which means he is better than I because I would have had dude digging the new latrine. Then he tells Janos Slynt to oversee Greyguard and Janos all but tells him to go fuck himself, so Jon is like, NAH, and they take him outside. Janos is taken aback by Alliser letting them take him outside because Alliser is like, yo, we gotta follow the leader now, I got a good job and I’m not tryna get beheaded. Janos quickly realizes the error of his ways and starts pleading for his life and it looks like Jon is about to give him mercy, but instead cuts his head off because like his father said in what I believe was the first episode, he said if you pass down the sentence, you must swing the sword. Jon can’t be lookin’ soft out here in these Night’s Watch streets. Stannis approves of this message.

-The High Septon is in Littlefinger’s brothel, tryna relax, but he gets rolled up on by Lancel and the Sparrows, who make him walk naked through the streets and assault him. He demands that the King or Cersei or whomever is in charge arrest the Sparrows, so Cersei goes to the hood to talk to the High Sparrow, who is serving food barefooted to a slew of poor people. He thinks she’s about to be on some bullshit, but Cersei instead tells him that he’s fine and the High Septon has been jailed and it seems like she’s tryna broker some sort of deal between the Harpys For God and the throne. See? Sober Cersei be plannin’, while Drunk Cersei be schemin’. Those are two very different things.

-Then Cersei goes to Qybush’s dungeon and orders him to write a letter to Littlefinger immediately, then she leaves and under the sheet, The Mountain gives a little shake and Qybush is like, it’s okay, just relax. The fuck is going on in Frankenstein’s dungeon?

-Sansa walks through Winterfell and Theon/Reek looks like he’s about to call to her, but doesn’t, so that’ll be a thing for the next couple of episodes. Littlefinger tells Ramsey not to hurt Sansa, which I still don’t think he will, but now she has to worry about that Myranda girl being jealous. Then Littlefinger and Roose meet and Littlefinger gets his letter from Cersei, but it has been opened by Roose and the two go back and forth on questioning each other’s loyalty. Hey bruh, that’s what you get when you’re a snake that deals with snakes. Gotta take the good with the bad. Anyway, they come to some sort of conclusion, but Roose says he wants to read the reply and Littlefinger agrees, although you can see the wheels turning on how he’ll get his real message to Cersei.

-Tyrion finally persuades Varys to make a stop in Volantis and the head-shaking starts. They hear a speech from a woman that says she used to be a slave, but now she preaches for the Dragon Queen, which means Dany. However, she makes eye contact with Tyrion and stares into his soul, which scares him and they leave, but would you think that would be enough to make them leave? NOAP. Tyrion wants to go to a brothel because that is where all the good people go in Game Of Thrones. Two episodes in Season 5 have featured brothels, and nothing good has come from either episode. They see a prostitute dressed like Dany on some Lisa Ann/Sarah Palin shit (Google it), but Tyrion sees another girl that he likes. However, he can’t get up the gumption to fuck with her, which I read as guilt over killing Shea, and instead goes out to take a piss and I just cursed at the television. Someone walks up behind him and puts a rope on him: it is Jorah, who we saw earlier as Tyrion was entering the brothel. He wraps up Tyrion and says he is taking him to the Queen, which I figured was Cersei so he could get this ransom. However, I was talking to my homegirl Jamie (who also reminded me that Jon Snow gave Needle to Arya and the ties to the family and all) and she put forth Dany, which I never considered, but it makes sense. That girl was talkin’ about the Dragon Queen earlier and Jorah doesn’t really fuck with Cersei and ’em like that, and he could bring Tyrion to Dany to use as some sort of leverage against the Lannisters, which means he obviously hasn’t been paying attention to what has been going on. But it’s definitely plausible.

So there wasn’t a lot of action in “High Sparrow”, but all of the pieces on the chessboard seem to be in place now to move forward with the rest of the season. Where is Jorah taking Tyrion and for the love of God, where is Varys? Cersei about to make the Sparrows her assassination squad? Did Jaime ever make his way to Dorne with Bronn? Will someone, anyone, tell Arya what the hell is going on? Game Of Thrones has a lot on the table these days.

Mad Men S07E10 – The Forecast

There seemed to be a consensus that “New Business”, the previous episode of Mad Men, was at best, confusing and at worst, a waste of time. But in “The Forecast”, the women step into the spotlight and bring the show back in what was quite an improvement in my opinion. Let’s go….

-We open with a blond lady walking into Don’s quasi-empty apartment, so it’s right to assume that she is another in Don’s harem, right? Well, it’s actually a real-estate agent who is being tasked with selling Don’s place, which is now anchored by a lawn chair and a bottle of alcohol on the table. She chastises Don (who was in bed) for not having the place more presentable for her and Don is like, this is your job and while he doesn’t sell real estate, if there is one thing that Don Draper is good at, it’s selling stuff.

-Joan is awakened by a phone call from her mother, and her son is on the phone as well. It We can surmise that Joan is away on a business trip, and to tell you the truth, I even forgot she had a son. Parenting has never been a major priority on Mad Men, from the Draper kids to Roger’s hippy daughter and more.

-Don visits Roger, who has to go to Bermuda to make a speech for the people at McCann, so Don has to write something to rally the troops, which is another thing that Don, well, he isn’t terrible at it.

-Joan heads to her meeting and we see Lou, remember him from last season? A little sensitive over Don, wasn’t the biggest fan of women? Well, he seems to be a little more relaxed now, but he still manages to blow Joan off. Joan plays it cool, but she doesn’t have time for this.

-Don is going over his speech with Meredith, who mixes up “space station” for “gas station” and it is now officially a gag as she hit that “Manson brothers” last week instead of “family”. then Peggy storms in to ask Don to sign off on the Peter Pan cookie tagline and when Meredith tries to say that Don is busy, Peggy is like, I wasn’t even talkin’ to you. I’m all for Peggy getting some guts about her, but Meredith hasn’t done anything to anyone and she’s so dense that it’s almost like picking on her.

-Don goes into a boardroom to hear these taglines, which are all pretty bad, but Don picks one and keeps it movin’. They really are all terrible. But Peggy feels like they accomplished something, so I’m okay with it.

-Lou is late getting back to the office, and she learns from Dee (his secretary) that he has a meeting with Hanna-Barbara for those cartoons he was working on back in New York, but people made fun of him for it. I’m pretty sure Joan had no idea about it, so she’s surprised and a little pissed because she hasn’t done anything yet, but she does greet whom she thinks is the first person she is interviewing….but Lou shows up with the person in tow, and this man she was talking to was just a guy who went to the wrong office. But he gives her his card and tells her to holla at him because why not? It’s Joan. Shoot your shot, homie.

-We get our first glimpse of Sally, who is getting ready to go on some sort of summer trip and Betty is tryna warn her to not wild out as she was known to do, and Sally makes a joke about being pregnant. Betty tries to be mad, but on the inside, I know she was like, you asshole, you’re so much like me and your father. Keep that in the back of your head.

-Don returns home and his agent is still on him as she can’t sell the place looking like it does, and she tells Don that, to other people, it looks like a sad person lives here. You know, she isn’t wrong, but Don has to be like, so I’m not paying for your psychoanalysis, I’m paying you to sell my place. I’m all for people telling Don about himself, but not this lady for some reason.

-We skip ahead to Joan in bed with that man, whose name is Richard, and hey, good on her; the guys in Mad Men do it all time, do your thing, Joan. They shoot the shit, they’re both divorced and he seems to want Joan to stay, and she doesn’t tell him that she has a son in New York.

-Don goes to speak to Ted, and he finds out that Ted’s biggest dream is to land a bigger account, not something outside of the office and this has been a theme over the last three episodes: what is life all about? While Don has always been looking for meaning of some sort, they’re really kicking it into high gear now, using this speech that he has to write that he can really do in his sleep to show that. As for Ted, I think the whole thing with Peggy last season really scared him into being as ” normal” as possible.

-Joan gets a call from Richard, who is now in New York and wants to go to dinner. He wants to know if he should meet her at work or home and Joan is like, yeah, I’ll just see you there. He is now gone past shooting his shoot and is going for the triple-double. That’s a bit creepy, no? Fly across the country after a night and then start tryna track her at work and home? Maybe it’s me being paranoid.

-Pete and Peggy tell Don that the clients they were with earlier didn’t like the layout that was presented to them, and then the copywriters started fighting in the meeting, which is never good. Pete wants them gone and Peggy says he can’t fire them, and Pete counters that he can fire her. At this point, I honestly have no idea what the hierarchy is at the firm, I don’t know who the partners are outside of Roger, Joan and I think Pete, I thought Don was a partner, but I think they took that away from him, yet everyone still runs to him. Anyway, Peggy should have just kicked him in the balls and kept it movin’. Smarmy-ass Pete.

-Sally gets a visitor, our old friend Glen, who is older now, but looks just as creepy. He also has a girlfriend who just wants to use the bathroom, but then Betty comes out and starts a conversation with Glen and Sally is like, uhhhhhh…..what is this? Glen has ALWAYS been drawn to Betty since he was a kid, but now he isn’t a kid; he is apparently going off to war because he feels bad that the Negro kids are dying for them, and this might be the least racist thing Mad Men has ever done. Only took ’em seven-plus seasons, but hey, gotta start somewhere. Sally storms off because she’s against the war and asks Glen if he’s fucking stupid (WHICH IS AWESOME because they bleeped out Megan’s “fucking” last week, but not little Sally), but Betty tries to smooth things over and I also think that Sally is jealous of the little thing going between Betty and Glen, all while being disgusted with her mother; we’ve all seen her give Betty and Don that look before. And shoutout to his girlfriend who is in the back like, I was just tryna use the bathroom.

-Richard and Joan are at dinner, and he seriously thinks she is hiding something, like a marriage, but it is really her son. Now, here is the thing: if you really thought she was married, you still flew across the country to see her, bruh. So even if she is or she isn’t, you might be a slight dirtbag.

-Sally tries to call Glen, but leaves a message with his mother and yeah, she is definitely jealous, with a tinge of “my friend is going to war and I might never see him again”. Maybe it’s the other way around. Either way, I felt bad for Sally. She should have been Dana from Homeland.

-Richard and Joan gets back to her hotel and she stays for a bit after persuading her babysitter to stay at her place. But then Richard says he doesn’t want to deal with a kid because he already raised his and gets a little….I don’t know, he’s assuming an awful lot from one night in Los Angeles and a dinner. Taking it slow is not in his arsenal. He actually gets mad and Joan is like, well, I guess I’m out. Yeah, he’s all up in Dirtbagville for no damn reason, either.

-Peggy asks Don to give her a performance review, which Don is like, you know you did well, but Peggy wants to hear it from him because she has always wanted Don’s approval, whether she likes it or not, and it might lead to more money. Then Don starts asking her what she thinks for the future, which I thought was a fair question, and Peggy kinda snaps on him, telling him that he is in a mood and he should write down his dreams so she can shit on them (TWO CURSES!). I honestly don’t think Don meant anything by it, unless I missed something.

-Joan’s babysitter shows up late because she was in class, and Joan is in a mood anyway because of last night. The babysitter then says to Joan that she (Joan) needs a vacation and he snaps, yelling, “YOU RUINED MY LIFE”, which was definitely directed at Kevin, her son, who says bye-bye to her as she left and made her feel like an asshole. GOOD. I think this might be my first anti-Joan moment in the entire show.

-Pete, Peggy and the copywriters get another chance at a meeting, and one of them, Mathis, I believe, does something that Don told him to do earlier, telling the Peter Pan execs that they had big balls for returning after embarrassing themselves. Don had done this in the past somewhere along the line and it probably sounded better coming from him, but Pete and Peggy are mortified and the other copywriter might have been quietly partyin’ on the inside. I don’t even know what Mathis is thinking, but it was the wrong way to go.

-Don is working on his speech with Meredith when Mathis storms in and berates Don for giving him the wrong advice, that Don never has to apologize for anything and that his main skill is being handsome and charming and the like. I mean, the kid might even have a bit of a point, but guess what: you are not Don Draper and that was NEVER going to work. So of course, Don fires him and the kid is lucky he didn’t get his ass kicked. He was tryna spit some ether at Don and came off looking like a complete asshole. Don might have to cuss someone out, mufuckas are startin’ to test him a little bit too much.

-Richard shows up at the office to apologize with flowers and now he wants to be a part of Joan’s life, and he wants to buy property in New York. I can’t be the only one who finds this kinda insane, am I? I’m all for love at first sight and all that, but good grief, let’s take it down a gear.

-Glen shows up at the house, but not to see Sally, who has left for her trip. He gets a beer from Betty and starts putting the moves on her, and she ALMOST reciprocates it, but she shows remarkable restraint and backs away. It turns out that he was joining the Army because he flunked out of school and it made his dad happy, but he also thought that would bring Betty into the Glen party, which is an odd way of thinking, especially when they haven’t seen each other in years, he’s a kid and she’s a grown-ass woman. She actually tears up and I’ve never been a huge Betty fan, but I think if this was her big episode to go out on, it was a good one.

-Don is out with Sally and her friends, one girl who is obviously flirting with Don and he’s tryna keep it as PG as possible, but Sally is steaming because she knows how her father is and as they’re walking to her bus, they get into it. Sally says that her dream (which Don has been asking everyone about) is to get away as far from Betty and Don as possible, but Don is like, I won’t be talked to like this by my damn kid, and tells her the truth: she is more like the two of them than she wants to admit. We all go through that stage growing up, hell, I’m still realizing how much I’m like my parents, even though my biological parents got divorced when I was mad young. No kid wants to come face-to-face with that, but we’ve seen it with Sally as we’ve watched her grow up; go back to “A Day’s Work“, the second episode of this season, and you see it. She knows it, too; she’s just a stubborn teenager.

-Betty takes Bobby’s toy gun away and yeah, she’s having second thoughts about the war, which might play into her husband’s political career, so keep an eye on that.

-Don returns home to see that the place has been sold, which he said he had a feeling would happen. But he’s kinda looking at the place and everything that has gone on there; if I’m not mistaken, this has been his home since Betty divorced him and all sorts of feelings are hittin’ the Draper streets.

This is a fantastic episode of Mad Men and when it is at its best, it deserves all the credit they receives and more. Don is still tryna figure life out, Joan is tryna figure out how to be a mother and get what she wants, Peggy just wants someone (preferably Don) to tell her she’s doing a good job, even though she knows she is, and Sally, honestly, I’d watch a spinoff of her. Sally goes to college? Come on, bruh. That shit would be so good and it’s not like AMC is averse to spinoffs. Four episodes left, and if they’re all as good as this one, we’re in for quite the finale.

Game Of Thrones S05E02 – The House Of Black And White

After a solid opening to the fifth season, Game Of Thrones rolls on with “The House Of Black And White”, which couldn’t be any more straightforward on the surface. However, things aren’t always as they see, which you should expect by now from this show. Let’s go….

-We get our first look at Arya, who arrives in Braavos with that statue of the Titan, and it’s fitting that the place where the Iron Bank resides has one of the most picturesque shots we’ve seen in the show, but it has to be wildly expensive. HBO money, y’all. HBO money. Anyway, Arya gets sailed through Braavos to The House of Black and White, which has one black door and one white door, but it’s on its own little island. She knocks on the door like she’s sellin’ Girl Scout cookies, but an old black man answers the door and shuts it in her face, even when she shows her little coin that got her on the boat to get here. So she stays there for I would assume a day or so, through night in a rainstorm, reciting the names of Cersei, Walder Frey, The Mountain and Meryn Trant on her revised kill list. The door never opens again, so Arya throws her coin in the water and makes her way back to the shore, how she does that, we don’t see, but that seems like one helluva swim.

-Brienne and Pod wind up at the same pub as Sansa and Littlefinger, and Brienne tries to convince Sansa to come with her, but Littlefinger does bring up some interesting points. She is an outsider while he is family to Sansa (which doesn’t even phase me after the whole Cersei/Jaime thing), and the people she has been tasked to watch, Renly and Catelyn, are both dead. Brienne’s track record isn’t the best, but she splits with the quickness when Littlefinger says they should join him. She manages to save Pod da Gawd, who is just simply the worst squire ever, and I think at this point she just wants someone to protect, so Pod it is. Sansa and Arya don’t want her help.

-Cersei calls Jaime in to talk about their daughter Myrcella, who was sent to Dorne by Tyrion a while ago. However, she gets Myrcella’s chain wrapped in the fangs of a carved viper, who is a threat from Oberyn’s people, who think the Lannisters had something to do with his death and in a roundabout way, they’re not wrong. Cersei is freaking out and Jaime says he’ll go to rescue her, and Cersei is like, you ol’ one-handed sucker? What are you gon’ do? You just can’t please Cersei, but Jaime continues to try, even though she already shat on him for being captured and tortured. And of course, she has wine with her, because Cersei. Also, she says he has never been a father to any of their children, while he points out that, well, it was incest and that is kinda frowned upon. She is the worst.

-So Jaime goes to visit Bronn, who has hooked with this homely lady who is in line for a castle, but I’m not sure that she is next to get it. Bronn is hangin’ around like Frank Gallagher in Shameless, tryna get this hookup, and when he introduces his lady to Jaime and she kinda blushes, he is like, yo, back up, I’m puttin’ in hard work for this. Jaime tells him he can have more if Bronn goes to Dorne to help him get Myrcella back. And shoutout to the actress that plays said homely girl, which I’m absolutely sure was put in the casting call. Gotta get that work, tho.

-We head to Dorne for the first time, where Oberyn’s widow (I think), Ellaria Sand, is glaring at Myrcella and she is all but threatening his brother, Doran, to do something to Myrcella. She does an awful lot of threatening for someone who really isn’t a part of the family and Doran is like, you better watch your tone. She doesn’t seem to understand that all of this would have been avoided if Oberyn wasn’t tryna style on mufuckas. He could have just killed The Mountain on the humble, but now he’s dead with no eyes.

-Daario and Grey Worm are hunting for Harpy men, and they find one hidden behind a wall in a house. They lock him up, and then they try to figure out what to do with him. Are they going to kill him? Does he get a trial? At least Dany seems to be listening to people for now. It seems like she is leaning towards killing him, but Ser Barristan tells Dany the story of her father, the Mad King, who was indeed a little crazy and that insanity brought down the Targaryens. He thought he was doing the right thing, which is basically the path that Dany is on, so she at least promises to have a trial. The black and white in the title also speaks to how Dany has thought all along, but she seems to be realizing now that everything isn’t cut and dry.

-Tyrion and Varys are continuing their road trip with Tyrion being drunk, as usual, and he wants to go for a walk as he has been inside a box of some sort for a long time now. Varys points out that Tyrion did a good job when he was the Hand of the King, but he has to stay on the low because Cersei has a hit out on him, promising Lordship to whomever brings her his head. Tyrion is like, so she’ll kill all the dwarfs in the world until she gets to him?

-Cut (no pun intended) to a head being dropped on the table in front of Cersei, who decides to not kill the men who brought her the wrong head, but to answer Tyrion’s question, yes, yes she will. She wants to get rid of the head, but Qyburn asks if he can keep it for his experiments. Remember, he is healing The Mountain. Son seems to be on some real Frankenstein shit.

-Cersei meets with the council to assign new titles, with Qyburn as the Master of Whisperers, Mace Tyrell will be the Master of Coin and Kevan, her uncle, will be the Master of War while the Hand will remain vacant….although Cersei herself sits in the chair. Kevan realizes what is going on and spazzes on her, saying he is going to Casterly Rock until Tommen calls for him, since he is the King. Cersei is basically tryna run shit as Tywin always did, but if anyone is going to throw shade at her, it’s Kevan, so that means he has to die soon somehow.

-Gilly is being taught how to read by Stannis’ daughter Shireen, and she tells Shireen that her sisters also had the greyscale disease, but they suffered far worse and were eventually killed by Craster. Shireen’s mom comes down and tells Shireen not to speak to Gilly, who is a wildling, and she has been brainwashed by Sidepiece of the Year, Melisandre, so that isn’t surprising. Meanwhile, Stannis chastises Jon Snow for showing mercy to Mance Rayder, but he offers Jon the chance to change his name to Jon Stark, and no longer be the Bastard of Winterfell, if he leaves the Night’s Watch to get more people on board with Stannis’ plan. I was speaking with someone about this and man, Jon Snow stays winning, no matter what he does. But then he tells Sam that he is going to turn Stannis down because of his oath for the Night’s Watch, which he has already broken like, seven times, but whatever.

-Sam then nominates Jon Snow as new Commander of the Night’s Watch as Alliser Thorne was the favorite, but Jon Snow had to drag him to safety. Denys Mallister tried to shit on Jon for being in love with Ygritte, but but Sam points out that he was hiding with Gilly at the Wall when shit went down. For all of his faults, Jon is the best man to lead the Night’s Watch, so of course, Jon Snow stays winning. That has to be the name of an episode at some point in Game Of Thrones. And of course, Maester Aemon gets the last vote to break the tie between Alliser and Jon. The fuck you think was gon’ happen here?

-Jon is the 998th Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch. Just make out your will now and keep it movin’. But Jon Snow stay winning.

-Arya is threatened by some young boys after she kills a pigeon to eat, but behind her, they see the old black man from the House of Black And White. She follows him to the house and he takes off his hood; it is Jaqen H’ghar, who gave her the coin originally in Season 2, but he left to become one of the Faceless Men of Braavos, and he can change his appearance. So he is about to train Arya. This is basically Kill Bill all over again and I’m so ready for this.

-The kid who wanted Dany to kill the Harpy instead kills him anyway, which goes against what Dany wanted, so now he has to die. Publicly, by beheading, apparently. So now Dany is torn: does she kill him for going against her, but by doing so, she risks the slaves turning on her. Daario carries out the execution and the slaves start hissing at her, and shit was kinda creepy on the low; I also really hate snakes and hissing reminds me of them (I felt some kinda way about the carved snake that Cersei received from Dorne, but I held it together). Anyway, a riot starts and Dany is taken back to her pyramid.

-Dany just wants to be alone, not even Daario is allowed to stay, but she hears something outside. We all knew what was coming, I think: Drogon, the missing dragon who is now a motherfucking beast. He is HUGE now, and Dany speaks to him, and he does sniff her hand, but he flies away again. I’m not sure if he’s fuckin’ with her or not, but again, I don’t think the dragons would EVER harm her, if they even can because fire doesn’t hurt Dany (remember at the end of Season 1 where she walks out of the burning pyre). But man, listen: as long as she gets them shits under control, fuck being liked by people. Like these dragons, bitch. As for the beef between the former slavers and the slaves, Dany’s hands were tied there. Either way, someone was about to be mad, but again, once she sorts out this dragon issue, she doesn’t have to be liked.

That was really the big takeaway from me for “The House Of Black And White”, outside of Jon Snow and his winning ways. Also, I would like to know if Ellaria will listen to Doran as she said something about wondering how long he will rule, and I think she has the Sand Snakes under her thumb. Will Tyrion manage to get through an episode sober? How long until Arya gets her black belt in Faceless jiu-jitsu? Sigh. Two episodes already and it feels like Game Of Thrones is moving far too fast.

Mad Men S07E09 – New Business

Mad Men returned last week with the first of its seven final episodes, and it felt like it never left as “Severance” put forward some solid plot lines that I was looking forward to. “New Business” threw all of those out the window and while it was still entertaining, it didn’t FEEL like Mad Men. Let’s go….

-We open with Don making milkshakes for his two sons, Bobby and Gene, and Betty walks into the kitchen as we see her for the first time in this half-season. I’m not the biggest Betty fan in the world, but she has to play a role over these final seven episodes, right? She is the mother of his children and all. I thought this was a flashback as she looks about as happy as Betty can be, and she tells Don that she is going back to school for psychology, but then Henry walks into the kitchen, so Don is playing babysitter Dad. He leaves, but turns around to see what was his family, and he looks like he was kicked in the nuts.

-He returns home to a phone call from Megan, who is tryna set up a time for the movers to get her stuff, and she has also run out of money, which Don gives her every month. Whatever happened to her saying, “You don’t know me anything?”. I guess the actress life isn’t as lucrative as she thought.

-Roger is apparently busy enough to need two secretaries, although you know he’ll still carve out time to do some day drinking. Really, Roger is never busy enough himself, the secretaries are the ones doing the heavy lifting, but even he realizes the ridiculousness of having two secretaries and three phones.

-Harry is talking to Don’s secretary, Meredith, about Los Angeles and he suggests that she go sometime, but she is worried about the Manson brothers, which is wrong and he corrects her with “family”. Is there no crime in New York for her to be worried about? And this had to be a nod to everyone thinking there was a connection between Megan and the Manson family last season because of a sweater she wore. The internet comes up with some wild shit sometimes. Speaking of Megan, when Harry gets a chance to speak to Don, he tries to get the go-ahead to talk to her as she needs help finding a new agent. Don agrees because anything to get her outta his hair, he’s down for. Even though Don has always treated Harry, not poorly, but he has always been sort of standoffish towards him, Harry still wants his permission. Don gets a phone call and points Harry out the door.

-Don goes to dinner, where he sees the waitress from the alley because Don is a stalker, apparently. He really feels drawn to Diana, whose name I’m not even sure he knows. He wants to have dinner with her, even if it’s five minutes at a time and he’s like, you’re creepy…but she does take his card. I don’t care what anyone ever says and even if I rewatch the whole series again and don’t see her, she has been in this show before. She’s just so familiar.

-Peggy tells Stan that they’re going for a new photographer, a woman named Pima, and Stan isn’t a fan of it, but Peggy doesn’t care because she is the boss and this is happening. It emasculates Stan, but hey, Peggy has seen enough of it in her day that it’s good to see her flex her muscles. Isn’t she supposed to be in Paris, though?

-Diana calls Don when she is off work, and she has been drinking. He asks her to come over and after a little minor persuasion, she does and Don gets all dressed up in a suit because he admits that he is vain, but as he says, “it’s 3 AM, you know why you’re here”, and they get it poppin’. She can’t seem to sleep with her beside him and she’s kinda skeptical about the divorce story since all of Megan’s shit is still there, and you get the feeling that Don is attracted to her because she might be as messed up as he is, which is a tall order to fill. Then we learn in the morning that Diana’s daughter died of the flu, so she had to leave her home in Racine, Wisconsin. Maybe she is as messed up as Don, who is ruining women, not getting them already damaged.

-Peggy shows up at a vermouth commercial with Stan, who meets Pima and is very sacrastic towards her as he probably still feeling the sting of Peggy putting her foot down. The males in Mad Men have a problem with taking orders from women, so this is par for the course. Peggy does feel some pride in being the boss, though, and she deserves it because she’s worked damn hard to get where she is.

-Don gets to the office, where Roger is hiding in Don’s office, drinking, because it’s Roger. He tells Don that he has to go on a golfing excursion with Pete with some clients, then Don gets some divorce papers from Megan, and Roger goes into a spiel about not letting Megan walk over him, but this is more about Roger’s divorces as he says that his second ex-wife saying that Roger squandered her youth, and he blurts out, “I thwarted her career? She’s a consumer!”. So much hurt, and yet, I laughed out loud.

-Pima is visiting the office and she visits Stan, asking to see the darkroom, but also to see his work as she has learned he is a photographer as well. He says he will, but only if she is honest. This was a confusing scene as he is short with her at the beginning, but she notices that he wants her opinion, and there is definitely some sexual tension there.

-Megan arrives at a hotel, where her mother and sister are supposed to help her with the move, but the plan, her sister says, to try and get drunker than their moth because her sister rarely gets a chance to have fun since she has a family. I’m not sure this is a fun trip, but Megan agrees anyway.

-Meanwhile, Don and Diana are getting takeout and in the elevator, they bump into Arnold and Sylvia, who Don had an affair with in the past and Arnold makes a joke about Don bringing the whole restaurant home with him. Does he happen to know that his wife has been in the Draper bed? I’m 50/50 on it because he was either an asshole for calling out Diana right there, or because he is alluding to Don bangin’ his wife, and he wouldn’t be wrong for the latter. It is then that Diana realizes that she hasn’t been the only woman with Don in the elevator. Of course, he lies because it’s Don.

-Stan and his girlfriend, which we’ve never seen before, are at their place and he complains that he doesn’t have any photos good enough to show Pima, so she takes off her nurse uniform for some sexy pictures. Do we need to know he has a girlfriend with what, five episodes left in the series? I don’t think so.

-Instead of eating, Don and Diana start kissing and eventually have sex, but in the middle of it, Diana says she has a twinge in her chest. Is it guilt for something? She seems to be a hot mess.

-In the morning, the phone rings and it is the movers to get Megan’s stuff, so Don is like, we gotta be out and she suggests he come to her place that night. I would have bet that they would all meet up at some point, which would have been very awkward, but nothing.

-Pete is annoyed that Don isn’t dressed to go golfing, nor does he have clubs and Pete looks disgusted when Don says he’ll rent some. I’ma miss Pete’s smugness when this is all over.

-Back at the apartment, Megan, her sister and her mom are there, and her mom notices the red wine on the floor; a woman has been there. She does an awful lot of judging for someone that blew Roger at a party like, two seasons ago, while married, at that. Her sister tries to help and mentions that Megan’s divorce means she has failed, and Megan is like, bitch, please. Her sister is religious, which is why she is against divorce, but this is the United States and this shit happens. She storms out and Megan has to get ready for her meeting with Harry, telling Marie (her mother) she only wants a few things, but Marie wants her to take everything. Megan’s family is tryna treat this as a vacation, while Megan is tryna move on her with her life. This entire family needs a therapist.

-Pete and Don are driving, and Pete is still mad until Don tells him he wasn’t tryna go back to his crib because Megan was there, and Pete understands he is either going through a divorce, or it’s done with Trudy, I can’t remember. He then says, “Jiminy Christmas” and I remember what a dickbag he is. I’ll still miss him, but he is a dickbag.

-At the apartment, Marie has the movers take EVERYTHING, but she doesn’t have the money to do it and calls Don’s office. When she can’t find Don, she calls Roger and demands he come over with $200, which he does.

-Pima meets Stan in the darkroom and he shows her the pictures of his girlfriend, which she kinda tears apart and says that she can tell that his girlfriend doesn’t wanna tell him the truth. It’s right about here that I wrote, “Odds of Stan bangin’ ol’ girl in the darkroom? HIGH”, and I don’t even think I was finished the sentence before they started going at it.

-Roger shows up at the apartment with money and pays the movers, and Marie….well, again, I wrote down, “Odds of Roger banging her in the empty apartment? HIGH” and what happens? You know she takes pride in doing this in Don’s apartment, too.

-Harry meets Megan and he starts hitting on her within minutes, so I gave him medium odds, even after he says that he has a room upstairs and Megan is obviously disgusted when he puts his hand on top of hers. She storms off and I never knew Harry had that kinda scumbag in him.

-Megan returns to the empty apartment and realizes what Marie and Roger were doing. They even bleeped out a “FUCK”, which means they still have a couple left for the season, so I hope the last five episodes are loaded with F-bombs. Megan starts yelling and Marie is all, “DON’T JUDGE ME”, which is hilarious given their earlier conversation. Megan yells at Roger that Marie is married and he’s like, man, I gotta go to this meeting. Don’t get involved with this family, Roger, please.

-Harry tells Don that Megan is crazy and she might say something, and then he calls her stupid for quitting her soap job. You know, maybe Megan just isn’t a good actress, but calling her stupid and then lying because she wouldn’t give you some? Come on, Harry, I thought you were better than this.

-Pima is at the office with Peggy, looking over stuff, and then she starts touching Peggy’s hand, and I don’t know if this was makeup or Elisabeth Moss being great, but Peggy got flushed as hell when Pima says she wants to take her picture. I gotta find out if that was on purpose, because that was good shit.

-Don and Megan meet at a lawyer’s office and she starts calling him all sorts of names and he looks like, the fuck did I do? Don is like, you know what? Take this million and we’ll be done with this, I’m tired of fighting and she didn’t put up much of a fight when she took that cheque. Is this the end of Megan? Everything says that it is, but I feel we’ll see her again for some reason.

-Stan is all psyched when he walks into the office and drops a buncha hints as to what happened with Pima, but Peggy said she tried the same thing on her and Pima won’t be getting any work with them anymore, which bothers Stan. I thought he liked Peggy last season, then he has a girlfriend and then has sex with Pima. And again, why are we getting all this about him with five episodes left?

-Megan meets her teary sister at the hotel and Marie has told her to go home, that she is leaving her father for a man in New York who I assume to be Roger, but Megan is like, I got this million, I’m chillin’, you do what you need to do. The Roger/Marie thing is why I think we’ll see Megan one more time before this is done.

-Finally, Don gets to Diana’s place, which is in the ghetto, and they start making out and drinking, but she already has and the attitude changes when she admits that she has another child, but she just up and left Racine anyway. Don made her forget about her daughter, I’m not sure which one, and she wants Don to leave. Don is just stunned, but he doesn’t put up much of a fight and leaves to go home to his empty apartment, wondering what in the hell just happened.

I was relatively entertained by “New Business”, but just for the fuckery that was involved. When it comes to the show itself, there was a lot of stuff in this episode that we just didn’t need to see with so little time left. The stuff with Stan and Pima probably didn’t need to happen, and if they’re planning to do anything with Roger and Marie, that probably doesn’t need to happen, either. Even though I’m not a fan, we should be getting more Betty, Joan wasn’t in this episode and will we even see Sally ever again? And what about the Ken Cosgrove revenge tour?

It wasn’t the worst episode of Mad Men, but it certainly wasn’t the best.

 

Game Of Thrones S05E01 – The Wars To Come

It seems like every break between seasons of Game Of Thrones is far too long, or the seasons are too short. But here we are and the best show on television returned triumphantly to the small screen, although a ton of people (like, damn near half the internet) got up on those leaks early. Good on ya, but I’m not doing it. I’m tryna make this season last as long as possible. Let’s go….

-We open with two little girls walking through a forest that obviously looks creepy, and come up on a hut that they just walk into like they own the place. The lead little girl is in search of a witch and she has a nasty attitude, which she punctuates with a threat to the witch as this is her father’s land, which means it’s her land. She asks the witch, who can see the future, if she’ll be queen, and if she’ll have children and the witch says she will be queen and she’ll have three children, but her husband, the king will have 20; which makes me laugh that Robb tried to marry for love and well, “The Red Wedding” happened. Anyway, we realize by the end of this scene that it is a young Cersei before jumping to the present and shoutout to Nell Williams, the young lady who played young Cersei, because she channeled Lena Headey’s cold entitlement extremely well. And also, I see that her friend’s name is Melara Heatherspoon. I wonder if we ever see her again?

-Cersei rolls up to her father’s funeral and gets a moment alone with Jaime, who is guarding Tywin’s body, and Cersei goes off on him for letting Tyrion free, which ended up getting Tywin killed. Now, she says, the Lannisters’ enemies are going to have a field day and what’s worse, Tywin loved Jaime more than anyone. And Jaime just stood there and took it because while it was mean (because Cersei doesn’t know any other way), it was all true. Cersei stays treating Jaime like dogshit, but much of it, he brought on himself because incest doesn’t pay, kids.

-Next, we’re inside of a box that is being carried, so we know we’re with Tyrion now and he spills out of the box in front of Varys, looking like he smells like actual feces (which he says he had to push out through small holes on the side of the box). Varys says that they’re in Pentos, where they are hiding out as the plan to get the Targaryens (via Daenerys) back in power completely backfired. Tyrion isn’t really tryna hear anything that Varys is saying right now, and drinks until he throws up. Yet, he keeps going. I have friends like that, I’m not a puke-and-rally guy, I puke and go straight to bed.

-Next, we’re in Meereen where the giant statue is being pulled off the Great Pyramid by the Unsullied. The soldier overseeing this, named White Rat, then goes to a brothel and it’s about 13 minutes before the first sign of nudity, which is a sign of maturity for Game Of Thrones. Then you wonder, hey, why does a guy with no private parts need to go to a brothel? Sometimes, a fella just wants his head (the one on the shoulders) stroked as you’re hummed to sleep….but sometimes, that ends in you getting your throat slit, which is what happens to White Rat. The person was masked and he was a part of the Sons of the Harpy, a group who isn’t happy with the way Dany has been doing things in Slaver’s Bay (getting rid of the slaves is probably a big part of it). She orders a public burial for White Rat, which will piss the Sons off and draw them out, and Dany is still tryna figure out how to rule, which is what she said she would do at the end of last season. Everything is so black and white with her.

-Grey Worm and Missandei have a brief chat about why an Unsullied would be at a brothel, and Grey Worm looks ashamed and scurries away. Their little relationship is cute and all, but let’s keep this way, like, one minute per episode.

-Jon Snow is at the Wall, training people that have no business fighting, while Sam and Gilly are there as well. Melisandre summons Jon to go to the top of the Wall to see Stannis, taking that same rickety-ass elevator that looks like a death trap waiting to happen. Anyway, Stannis tells him that he has to persuade Mance Rayder, leader of the Wildlings and self-professed King of the North, to bow to him and have the Wildlings join his army, or be burned at the stake. Stannis is the worst out of all the kings because he isn’t going to bully Mance into doing what he wants, and he won’t listen to anyone but Melisandre, the most dangerous sidechick in the history of television.

-Sansa and Littlefinger are watching Robin spar with another boy, who almost looks ashamed be kicking Robin’s ass so thoroughly as Robin, says Lord Yohn Royce, swings his sword like a girl with palsy. DAMN. Royce says he’ll take Robin as his ward, hence the training, but he isn’t promising anything, while Littlefinger gets a note that he hides from Sansa, who looks sadder than usual and wondering what the hell she has gotten herself into.

-At the same time, Brienne and Pod da Gawd are still wandering around, and Brienne is feeling sorry for herself because Arya didn’t wanna roll with her and when Pod tries to encourage her, she snaps at him. She gotta go easier on the Gawd. He’s just tryna help and Brienne tells him he is free to go, but where in the fuck is he going to go? Anyway, they notice a caravan of carriages roll by that just happen to have Sansa and Littlefinger inside, and he tells her he is taking her to a place where the Lannisters will never find her. Remember, Cersei thinks she was in on the plot to kill Joffrey, so Sansa ain’t safe in these streets.

-Cersei is at the after-funeral party, getting drunk of course, so you know this will end well. People are tryna offer their condolences and she can’t be bothered to even fake like she cares, just wandering through the crowd, grabbing glasses of whatever it is they drink in King’s Landing, might be Stark Blood for all we know. Anyway, she is approached by her cousin Lancel, who we haven’t seen for a couple of seasons now, and his father (Kevan) says he is a part of the Sparrows, which is basically a religious cult. She sneaks away and Lancel finds her to apologize as he was a squire for Robert Baratheon, Cersei’s late husband and even though Robert was kind of a dick to him, he kept feeding him wine, which slowed Robert down enough to be killed by a boar (Varys thinks this was on purpose). Also, he and Cersei had a mini-affair because why the hell not? Keep it in the family, I guess. But he has found God now, so he’s all good. Cersei is like, whatever, gimme another glass of the good stuff. Something tells me we’ll see him again.

-Loras Tyrell is in bed with another guy as he has been known to do, even though he was supposed to be married to Cersei at some point. Margaery walks in because fuck knocking, and tries to hurry him up as they’re supposed to meet Tommen, Cersei’s son and the new king. She also warns him to be discreet about his sexuality, but he’s like, everyone is talking anyway, what’s the point? And he doesn’t think he has to even marry Cersei anymore because Tywin isn’t around, while Margaery is stuck with Cersei as her mother-in-law if she marries Tommen. However, Margaery says, “perhaps” and nothing else. Is she plotting to kill Cersei? She’s plotting to do something, her and her grandmother, Lady Olenna, who I’m waiting to see. She’s great.

-Back to Tyrion and Varys, and Tyrion is still drinking. Varys gives Tyrion an option: either drink himself here in Pentos, or go with him to continue his mission to give Westeros their best chance of survival, which is a new ruler. That ruler? Daenerys Stormborn. Can you imagine Dany and Tyrion on the same team? He can talk to people reasonably and be rather witty when he wants to be, and if mufuckas don’t get in line, they can talk to her giant army and, oh yeah, the dragons…..well, if she can get them in line (more on that in a minute). Anyway, he says he’ll go, but only if he can drink along the way. All these Lannisters need to go to Alcoholics Anonymous.

-In Meereen, this guy is tryna explain to Dany that the people of Yunkai have at least agreed to have a council of sorts to run the city so she doesn’t have to keep going back there, but they want the fighting pits to be re-opened. The fighting pits are where slaves used to fight each other to the death, so Dany obviously isn’t ready to do that. But she gets persuaded by Daario as the two are now lovers in the worst-kept secret in Meereen, if it’s even a secret. He says that the pits are where he learned to fight, which led him to the Second Sons, which led him to her, and it would respect their traditions. He also says to her that she has to get those dragons in line because if she is the mother of dragons, but has no dragons, people will run right over her and he’s right.

-So Dany goes down into the basement where she locked up the two dragons she can even find while the other one is still out wildin’ out in the streets. She goes down into the dark with no torch or nothing, but she eventually hears the clinking of the chain and then these dragons appear, and they’re PISSED. This was the equivalent of a kid throwing a tantrum, only these kids can breathe fire and fuck up your entire life; you could see the words “FUCK YOU MOM” in the fire (which would never happen if Dany was a Black mother, but that’s another post altogether). Dany is like, NOAP, and runs out of the basement. They’re setting this up well. We’ve had three-plus seasons of hearing that Dany is the Mother of Dragons, I have confidence that she’ll sort it out. I think if she finds Drogon, the biggest one, and gets him in line, the other two will. But like Jorah said before he was exiled, they ARE dragons and listening isn’t their strong suit.

-Back at the Wall, Jon Snow goes to talk to Mance, who is still be stubborn, but he won’t kneel to Stannis, even if it means burning to death. There are a couple of times during the speech where Mance is seriously thinking about it, but he’s like, nah, I’m good. Jon is like, what about your people and Mance is like, I’m doing this for them because they respect me. Jon answers back with, what about when the White Walkers come and kill everyone that respected you, and Mance won’t back down. So what are ya gon’ do?

-Mance is led out to the pyre, where he is given one final chance by Stannis to bend his knee, but he reneges and wishes him good luck. Melisandre gives some speech about Mance being the king of lies, and she can’t wait to burn a mufucka. They tie Mance to the stake and we see Stannis’ wife and daughter watching from a balcony like it is the opera, and the burning starts. Sam and Gilly turn away, even the Wildlings are like, DAMN and you can kinda see Mance thinking, do I REALLY wanna do this? But it’s too late and shit is starting to get hot, but before it gets too much and his people see him in agony, Jon shoots him through the heart with an arrow to put him out of his misery, which will surely piss off Stannis and friends. However, Jon is one of the best fighters they have, so he’ll be fine.

That was a fantastic way to return to the Game Of Thrones world. We still need to catch up with Arya, who I think was the only major character we didn’t see. We need a little more from Jaime as he struggles with Tywin’s death and Cersei hating him. I wanna see Cersei drunkenly cuss someone out, and see what Margaery is up to. And of course, we’re just killin’ time until the incredible tag team of Dany and Tyrion get it poppin’. I’m sure there is stuff that I’m forgetting like the Theon/Ramsey stuff, too. Dem Thrones back, y’all.

Big Brother Canada S03E08 – The Delaware How Do You Do

Holly: So what has happened since Wednesday that’s worthy of mentioning?

Neil: Well, I think Britnee’s backdoor plan was pretty good

Neil: That shit rarely works out from beginning to end

Neil: Well actually, let’s see if he goes home

Holly: They got a little sloppy when they spent the whole night before the veto ceremony hanging out with Johnny though. If they wanted Graig to think they were putting up Johnny, they shouldn’t have been so buddy-buddy with him

Holly: Shout out to Naeha and her resting bitch face

Holly: I’ll miss that

Neil: Willow looks like she could take over the crown

Holly: Willow is the absolute worst

Holly: I would rather watch Johnny flail around all day then listen to her talk

Neil: OH

Neil: Ginga Ninja

Neil: MUFUCKA GOTTA GO

Neil: I forgot about that name, that shit is terrible

Holly: Anyone who willingly calls themselves ginger ninja doesn’t deserve to be on tv

Holly: And who talks in hashtags

Holly: Hashtag get the hell outta here

Neil: Uh oh

Neil: Willow gon’ be on fire if she finds out about Zach and blondie

Holly: Oh, Zach and Ashleigh did stuff in the have not room, I’m currently looking for the video

Holly: could be hand stuff, could be butt stiff

Neil: Butt Stiff works

Holly: Hahaha

Neil: Kevin gotta stay on the low for a minute

Holly: you think Graig is gonna go ham on the house?

Neil: He’s been a little too in the spotlight for the first couple weeks

Neil: It seems like something he would do

Holly: Yeah kevin has, he needs to go take a nap or something

Holly: So wait, did Graig actually say that stuff about Britnee or did Johnny make that stuff up

Neil: I’m pretty sure he did

Neil: But don’t quote me, again, it seems like something he would do

Holly: haha … hes right though. Bobby and Graig are dumb and dumber

Neil: But Bobby is smart enough to sit back and chill

Holly: Bobby looks like a muppet

Neil: Here is the thing: how often does the target NOT go home?

Holly: Pretty often actually

Neil: Really?

Holly: Well sometimes i guess

Neil: And is Zach tryna pimp her out?

Holly: I don’t even know anymore

Holly: Oooooohhhhh Bobby likes Ashleigh and Willow likes Zach, LOVE SQUARE

Neil: Okay, hand and mouf stuff is on the table

Neil: Butt stuff next week

Holly: They definitely have done hand stuff

Holly: Wayament

Holly: What is kevin doing

Neil: Bobby was like, what in the eternal fuck are you doing?

Holly: Kevin is a nancy boy

Holly: I had such high hopes for him

Holly: I always get it wrong

Neil: Sarah has been so impressive

Holly: Yep, she’s the best player in the house so far

Holly: See, Bruno is makin’ a good point. If they keep Graig, Graig will be going after the other side and the other side will keep going after Graig

Neil: Oh definitely

Holly: I’m sorry, but Zach looks vacant

Holly: Like he’s looking at you, but hes off in fantasy la la land, no idea what anyone is saying

Neil: He’s done with whatever the group decides and whatever will put him in the best position for a handie

Neil: SIDE NOTE:

Neil: This Unfriended movie looks like some Grade-A emu shit

Holly: I can’t even with that movie

Neil: We should do a live watch of that, I guarantee we wouldn’t get through 20 minutes

Holly: The first 20 minutes will probably be a bunch of teens havin’ sex and showing their tittays

Holly: Before the killing and fuckery

Neil: I’m here for that

Holly: SHOUTOUT TO KFC

Neil: THEY DID STUFF

Holly: Oh here we go, Zach worried about the hand/mouf stuff he did with Ashleigh

Holly: Whatever they did was so raunchy they wouldn’t show it on TV, good for them

Neil: Hey dogg, good on ya

Neil: Hahaha how much time do you have on your hands to figure that out?

Holly: A whole bunch… a whole bunch

Holly: We have to remember that even if Graig gets evicted this week he could still come back sadly

Neil: I’d bet on S Club 7 first

Holly: Hahahaha, I had to think about that for a minute

Holly: Good one

Holly: Oh.My.God. Graig, shut the hell up

Neil: Has he even done anything in this episode or just rely on Bruno to try and get him out of trouble

Holly: He just talks and talks

Neil: Well, I think he’s gon’ go, which will make for one annoying sequester room

Holly: who do you think will come back in?

Holly: I really hope it’s Naeha

Neil: Depends on the comp

Neil: Physical? S Club

Holly: are we voting them back in though?

Neil: Mental? Botox

Neil: Um, I’m not sure, I thought it was a comp

Holly: For once in our lives, I think you are paying more attention to something than i am

Holly: It’s all topsy turvy up here

Neil: I focus on the important things in life

Holly: Like tittays and big brother

Neil: WHAT ELSE IS THERE

Holly: What’s worse? Sindy with an S or Ginga Ninja

Neil: Ginga Ninja

Holly: Because at this point i would prefer hearing Sindy with an S

Neil: Way too close to the N-word

Holly: I didn’t even think of that

Holly: But you’re right

Holly: And I bet he doesn’t say ninja around his friends

Neil: Hahahaha

Neil: So, what was the point of that comp?

Holly: Um, commercial time for oxi clean

Neil: SHOUTOUT TO OXI CLEAN

Holly: I don’t know a single person who uses Oxiclean

Holly: but i do know these KFC commercials are making me hungry for some popcorn chicken

Neil: BRUH

Holly: I would do hand stuff with the Ginga Ninja for some popcorn chicken

Neil: I would murderize a bucket right now

Neil: Jesus

Holly: OK, maybe not

Neil: YOU AIN’T GOTTA LIE

Holly: Maybe just mouf stuff

Neil: Stick with the hand, you can get AIDS of the mouf

Holly: There is not a good looking guy in that house. How did they manage that?

Neil: Is he just giving shoutouts?

Holly: Shoutouts

Holly: BIG STEVE

Neil: He hit that Namaste at the end and in his head, you know he did a fist pump

Neil: Okay, mission for next week: find out what the hell Newport is

Neil: OH HEY PILAR

Holly: I think Jordan is in an alliance with himself called Newport

Neil: What the hell did Kevin just do?

Holly: i don’t even know

Holly: If I was on the show I would have a one person alliance, and I would call it the Delaware How Do You Do, and every time I voted I would put my finger up my nose and say “how do you do?!”

Neil: Hahahahahahaha

Neil: The Delaware How Do You Do

Neil: Thanks for that

Holly: it was either that or the Kennebunkport Surprise, but that ain’t TV friendly

Neil: You had to Google Kennebunkport, didn’t you?

Holly: SHUT UP THATS WHAT

Neil: HAHAHAHAHAHA

Holly: I can neither confirm nor deny that

Neil: Damn she is small

Holly: These hand gestures in the diary room have got to stop

Holly: Soon people will be going in there doing whole dance routines

Neil: Yup

Neil: With microphone stands and shit

Neil: These mufuckas love them some shoutouts

Holly: Willow rehearsed what she was gonna say in the diary room all day and still fucked it up

Neil: Hahahaha she was so pressed to get that out

Holly: She sucks

Holly: And the shoutouts have to fucking stop

Neil: Damn, he ain’t shake no hands or anything

Neil: GOOD

Neil: BE MAD

Holly: LOL at Graig running up the stairs away from everyone like a child

Holly: Thalia’s trying to tell me that Graig looks like someone I used to have relations with

Neil: I’m texting guesses to you

Holly: If that’s true, I need to re-evaluate my life choices

Holly: If your first guess is right, Thalia is gonna lose it

Neil: No, you’re not a bully, you’re just an asshole

Holly: There’s a difference between a bully and a dumb dumb loud mouth

Holly: Oh i can’t wait for Peter to meet Graig on the side show. I may have to watch that

Neil: Peter could tear him apart

Holly: First guess was right yo, Thalia is partying on that

Holly: And y’all can go fuck yourselves

Neil: I just got up on the floor from laughter

Neil: And that is why we’re your best friends

Neil: SIR

Neil: A monkey movie narrated by Tina Fey? You just might as well may them a cheque now

Holly: Whoa, I missed that commercial

Holly: There’s a monkey movie starring Tina Fey?? Hot damn

Neil: Monkey Kingdom, go check the Youtubes

Neil: Goddamn, Oxi Clean is goin’ HARD

Holly: Oh snap its real monkeys???

Neil: Yezzir

Holly: Movie of 2015. OSCAR WORTHY

Holly: so what are these guys doing for HOH?

Holly: Those are some short ass shorts the guys have on

Neil: There ya go

Neil: You might see some junk

Holly: Why does Kevin run like something is up his butt?

Neil: Shoutout to Johnny?

Holly: Zing!

Neil: And on that note….