Big Brother Canada S03E05 – The Dooks Of Hazzard

Holly: So let’s do a quick recap of what happened earlier this week

Neil: The best part of Monday’s episode is when the girls were forming their all-girls alliance and Kevin walked out of the bathroom

Neil: Hemp girl’s eyes were big as shit

Holly: Haha idiots

Holly: So Bobby won HOH, Britnee is terrible at competitions, Kevin made out with Johnny, Kevin made out with Pilar, Kevin had a boner one morning that was moving around and got caught on the feeds, Ashleigh made out with Zach, Willow got pissed, and Graig made an alliance deal while taking a shit with no pants on

Neil: Ol’ spin the bottle ass mufuckas

Neil: Wait

Neil: Like, his pants were all the way off?

Holly: His legs were bare

Holly: Unless he had them right down around his ankles, which is just as bad really

Neil: I suppose you need maximum movement if the legs get to shakin’

Neil: So who do we think is going out?

Holly: I wish there was a picture

Neil: Sindy with a “get yo ass up outta here”?

Holly: Sindy as far as I’ve read on the feeds, but I really don’t know who is in alliances with who

Neil: That would be the smart play, but we’ve watched this far too long to think people will do the smart thing

Holly: I cant believe this idiots didn’t think to check the bathroom before they started talking about shit

Neil: And if you were smart, you woulda checked the bathroom before you tried to make this alliance

Holly: Lol at Britnee “There’s just some qualities about Sindy Im not fond of”

Holly: That’s polite speak for, “this bitch is nuts”

Neil: That hat hemp girl is wearing is hot fiya

Holly: I’m starting to like Sarah, she’s good at playing it cool

Neil: Absolutely

Neil: Way better than I expected

Holly: Looking like Kreyshawn or some shit

Neil: Hahahahaha

Neil: If she calls Britnee “my nigga”, we got issues tho

Holly: Give her a few more weeks and I can see it slipping out

Holly: You know shes the type of girl that says it to her white friends

Neil: Who the fuck is this Naeha person, is that Botox face?

Holly: She got some good resting bitch face

Holly: Graig should start going around calling himself Graig with an A

Neil: Graig with a mullet

Neil: I love how she said that there was more attention on the girls than there should be

Neil: Y’all brought this on yourselves

Holly: Side question

Holly: Who the eff watches Bones?

Neil: BRUH

Neil: That shit is on season 19

Neil: Same mufuckas that watch NCIS

Holly: The only people who watch Bones is people waiting in doctors’ offices and people who only get one channel

Neil: And that one channel plays NCIS and what’s the other joint, Criminal……

Neil: Criminal Intent?

Holly: Criminal Minds

Neil: Criminal minds of intent

Neil: I keep forgetting about my man Godfrey

Holly: Oh look, Godfrey getting some air time

Holly: hahahahaha

Neil: Fuck, only thing I’ve seen him do is say he was stupid and try to hit on this one

Neil: BIG BROTHER CISM

Holly: GRAIG NEEDS TO FIX THAT HAIR

Holly: Talking about all the girls he gets, pfffft he ain’t getting girls with that hair

Neil: That propa shit can run through a field of dicks

Holly: Newport alliance?

Neil: Like, the cigarettes?

Holly: I don’t know, alliance names are so dumb

Holly: What would our alliance name be

Neil: The Dooks Of Hazzard

Holly: HAHAHAH YES

Neil: Oh fuck, I knew this would happen

Holly: Oooooooh shit Johnny is gonna go psycho

Holly: Is he really crying because the straight guy like a girl?

Holly: Come on now Johnny, get your head in the game

Neil: He sure is, my friend, he sure is

Holly: WAIT

Holly: Are Jordan and Sindy kissing?

Holly: Why is this happening?

Neil: This is not gon’ work at all

Holly: Have they even talked before this moment

Neil: These mufuckas gon’ have an orgy within the next week

Neil: I’ve never seen it

Neil: Jesus, how are they breaking this much stuff?

Holly: Isn’t this an April Fools joke

Holly: Everyone is blaming Godfrey

Neil: Yeah, but you couldn’t make up stuff like flooding the HOH room and breaking the door, could you?

Neil: Mmmmmmhmmmmmm

Neil: We ALWAYS get the blame

Neil: Crime, turnin’ white women, EVERYTHING

Holly: Graig needs to go

Holly: He’s obnoxious

Holly: WHOA

Neil: GO GET EM GODFREY

Holly: Godfrey going OFF on Sindy

Neil: Well that was just great, tame, but great

Holly: Wait, so they really flooded the HOH room?

Holly: When did that happen?

Neil: That’s what I was sayin’

Neil: They couldn’t make that up

Holly: Any predictions for the votes?

Neil: Sindy by 7948237923749859 to 0

Neil: Bruno givin’ out shoutouts like a rap CD

Neil: I WANNA SAY WHAT’S UP TO BIG STEVE AND LIL TIM

Holly: Bruno is that old dude that is just so excited to be a part of something with the young dudes

Holly: Don’t forget Ray Ray!

Neil: Hahaha

Neil: The fuck is this Newport shit, b

Neil: Hey there, goldenpants

Holly: Sadly, I vote to evict – no you don’t, you are not sad. Stop pretending to be sad, no one is sad

Neil: I’d make a dance routine

Neil: Gimme an S and all that shit

Neil: With a party hat

Holly: Draw an air S with your peen

Neil: I didn’t wanna bring it out, but if you say so…..

Neil: Oh, quick side note, those coast people you like have a new song out or something

Neil: Left coast?

Holly: Best Coast?

Neil: Best Coast, goddamn, I’m a tank machine tonight

Holly: Oh yeah I heard it, its very psych rock, I like it. and I will see them in Atlanta!

Neil: Okay, he gotta go

Holly: OK, Graig with these glasses, and hair, and fake tales of hookups, he has to go

Holly: I’ve had it up to here with him

Neil: Yup

Holly: Ol’ Sackville girl ain’t sad to evict anyone

Neil: NOAP

Neil: Is the whole house in this Chopshop?

Holly: Yeah, for about 3 more days

Holly: What was the name of that alliance from BB US that had half the house and then imploded

Holly: Bomb squad

Holly: I answered my own question like a chump

Neil: Hahahaha

Neil: Well, that went as expected

Neil: Sindy with a STRUT YO ASS UP OUTTA HERE

Holly: And we have found what the S actually stands for, everyone

Neil: She rubbed everyone the wrong way from the second she rolled up in there

Holly: What should you have done differently Sindy? Not mentioned that my name started with an S 6201 times

Neil: Sindy with a Sequester

Neil: Oh shit, her and Risha in there? I’d watch a feed for that

Holly: Oh snap, it’s Marsha the Moose

Neil: She was tryna fuck with ya man Peter

Holly: He ain’t my man no more

Holly: He also banged rachelle

Neil: Stringy McGee

Neil: Why does Naeha look like she got her wisdom teeth out?

Holly: She all chipmunky?

Holly: I don’t know who I want to win

Neil: She looks like she is on a mission tho

Holly: Something must have happened that we haven’t seen between her and Godfrey

Holly: They just keep going at each other

Neil: I would think it was the whole Sindy thing

Neil: Because they were quasi-homegirls

Neil: If she gets HOH, Graig is going home

Neil: Or Godfrey

Holly: At least some guy

Neil: Awww shit

Holly: Britnee might go hard with an HOH if she gets it

Neil: Naeha is about to be mad as shit

Holly: I was for sure thinking Kevin was gonna throw it

Neil: OH SHIT INSTANT EVICTION

Holly: Instant eviction already? The shows been on for a week

Neil: BBC ain’t fuckin’ around with these people

Holly: So Kevin is HOH, and it’s an instant eviction, he could end up going home right after

Neil: He could, but I think he can get around it

Neil: Next Wednesday?

Holly: Yes sir!

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