Monthly Archives: May 2015

Game Of Thrones S05E07 – The Gift

Game Of Thrones took a beating with “Unbent, Unbowed, Unbroken“, and a lot of it has managed to cover up what has been an underwhelming couple of weeks. But business starts to pick up with “The Gift”, just in time as there are only three episodes left in the season. Let’s go…..

-Jon Snow is getting ready to head out with Tormund and get more wildlings, and Alliser looks like he can’t wait for Jon to leave so he can assume command of the Night’s Watch, and he also tells Jon that he thinks this is a mistake. Jon is like, oh, I know how you feel, but this is how it’s goin’ down. I think Alliser thinks all is good because Jon won’t make it back alive. He’ll be so mad when that doesn’t happen. Also, Sam gives Jon a dragonglass dagger like the one he used to kill the White Walker. I didn’t think they even had any more lying around.

-Maester Aemon is with Sam and Gilly and her baby, and he isn’t doing very well at all; I’d be surprised if he made it out of this episode. He tells Sam to get south, I think, before it’s too late, so the White Walkers are coming. They gotta be close, it’s been like, two seasons since we saw them last.

-Theon/Reek goes to take Sansa a meal, and she is a mess, bruised arms, crying in bed, possibly listening to a Mary J. Blige record. She begs Theon/Reek to take a candle to the broken tower, and she constantly tries to remind him of who he is, and he’s like, just do what he says and even though you say it can’t get worse, oh, it can. That little speech that Sansa gave him was very much like something like Catelyn would do. Sophie Turner has been really good this season.

-But does Theon/Reek go to the tower, even though he looks at it? No, no he doesn’t. He goes to Ramsey, who should be way bigger than he is, dude is ALWAYS eating when he isn’t terrorizing people. When is Theon/Reek gon’ die? I don’t even care if he’s redeemed anymore.

-Man, Winterfell looks MISERABLE.

-Cut to Brienne looking at the tower, waiting to see the candle, so she can storm the ring and clean house. How long before she says, “fuck a candle” and just rolls out?

-Aemon is talking to himself and he surely has to die soon, which he does, like, less than a minute later, so now there is only one Targaryen left in the Westerosi world that we know for sure. The Night’s Watch lays him to rest, but Alliser sidles up to Sam to say that all his friends are gone now. I’m sure if I did Fuckboy Rankings for this show, Alliser would be top five, easily.

-Sansa meets up with Ramsey, who tells her that he is thankful she isn’t ugly, which is about the biggest compliment you’ll get from Ramsey. He also seems to know that Stannis and ’em are en route, which is interesting because I don’t know they’d know, probably spy ravens or some shit. Then the two engage in a little back-and-forth about his validity to the throne since he is a bastard, even though he was naturalized by Tommen, who Sansa points out is also a bastard. But he throws back at her something about Jon, who she probably hasn’t even thought of in years, and then the knockout: he takes her to see the flayed body of the old woman that told her that the North remembered, and told her to light a candle. It’s also heavily implied that Theon/Reek betrayed her again. Just gotta burn down Winterfell and start over again, nothing good will come outta this place now.

-Davos tries to tell Stannis that it’s cold as shit, horses and people are dying and maybe they should head back to Castle Black to try and wait out the winter, but Stannis is like, nah, we said we would fight and now we gotta fight. Stannis then turns to Melisandre to be like, uh, you sure about all this? She says she has seen the visions of victory at Winterfell, but he might have to sacrifice someone else because they need King’s blood. That someone? Shireen, his daughter. Stannis is PISSED and is like, NOAP, you went too far now, you gotta get the fuck out. It took five seasons, but Stannis finally stands up to ol’ Shadow Vagina, who looks genuinely taken aback by his reaction.

-Two dudes roll up on Gilly and they’re tryna figure out if she’s really pretty, or pretty because she’s the only female around these parts, so you know they’re gon’ be on some bullshit right off the bat. They try to holla at her and she’s like, this is street harassment, and then Sam comes out with a sword…..and promptly gets his ass KICKED. These dudes are smackin’ fire out Sam’s ass, but he still got bars, talkin’ about he has killed a White Walker and a Thenn, he’ll take his chances against these two, who are about to step to him again. However, they’re greeted by Ghost, Jon’s direwolf, and they peace out. Sam passes out, but shoutout to Jon for leaving Ghost there. I think he did that on purpose because he knew people would test Sam and let’s keep it funky, we all know Sam ain’t shit when it comes to fighting.

-Gilly is cleaning up his cuts and telling him not to try that shit again, while Sam is like, I was pulllin’ that rope-a-dope on ’em, I was good. Anyway, I was just saying that she GOTTA give him a handjob at this point, I’ve been saying that since he saved her from the White Walker, but anyway, he gets more than a handjob and I think we can all agree that this “no sex life” rule for the Night’s Watch has been thrown in the bushes. Still, between this and Tommen/Margaery, this has been the season of the awkward sex scene for Game Of Thrones.

-Malko (the judges will also accept Mr. Eko from Lost or Adebisi from Oz because let’s keep it 100, he won’t be on the show long enough to need to know his real name) has Jorah up on the auction block. He sells Jorah to this guy, but Tyrion talks the buyer into taking him as well. Also, Tyrion kicks a dude’s ass for making fun of him and I’m like, how do you let a midget in shackles kick your ass? And where did this side of Tyrion come from? I guess when you’re mad, it just comes out.

-Dany and Daario are in bed talking, and Daario is a little jealous because Loraq is about to marry Dany, but everyone knows it is all political. Daario then suggests they get married and she’s the queen, so she can do whatever he wants, but that hasn’t worked out so far. He also suggests that when she goes to the re-opening of the fighting pits, she kill all the masters. She says she isn’t a butcher, but we’ve watched Dany nail slavers to crosses and feed masters to her dragons, so let’s not get all high and mighty, missus.

-Lady O visits the High Sparrow to try and negotiate a way out for Margaery and Loras, but he isn’t budging, sticking to his “laws of the gods” script. She offers money and then says she’ll stop sending food to King’s Landing, and she also points out that half of the city has been involved in some buggery, which will never not make me laugh. But he is holding strong in his beliefs and it isn’t even him, it’s up to the gods. It’s weird to see Lady O not getting her way, but she does point out that the Sparrows are also lawbreakers and this is kinda hypocritical, and she isn’t wrong. Also, as she leaves, she gets a note from someone.

-Tommen is freaking out that he can’t do anything about Margaery being locked up, or he thinks that he can’t, but he’s the fuckin’ king; he’s just being manipulated by Cersei, who tries to talk him out of starting a war. She says she’ll try to talk to the High Sparrow about this, and that she just wants him to be happy. Tyrion said it best about Cersei: she has two redeeming qualities, her cheekbones and her love for her children. However, the love for her children might take a backseat to the family name right now because this whole situation is about her tryna keep the Lannister name on top in these streets (yeah. Tommen’s last name is Baratheon, but we all know what’s good).

-Meanwhile, Jaime is in Dorne, getting visited by his daughter/niece Myrcella, who says that she has been here for years now and this is her home. This throws the entire timeline of the story off, but meh, Game Of Thrones has much larger things to worry about. Anyway, she’s getting married to Trystane and that’s all there is to it, and ol’ Goldenhand can’t do much about it.

-Bronn is singing ignorant songs about a Dornish wife down in his cell, which is across from the Sand Snakes. Also, shoutout to Jerome Flynn, who plays Bronn and actually has a very good voice that he has showed off in previous roles before this, and it was Bronn who introduced us to the song “The Rains Of Castamere” (the Lannister theme, and the name of the “Red Wedding” episode) prior to the Battle Of The Blackwater in Season 2. Anyway, one of the Sand Snakes asks if he thinks they’re beautiful and he’s like, nah, but then he starts bleeding from the nose, while she starts opening her robe. I had heard this last week on a few podcasts, people were wondering if the dagger Bronn was cut with was poisoned because that was a specialty of Oberyn. They were right as he passes out and the only antidote was in a vial that was held by this Sand Snake, who is now just teasing Bronn and wants him to say she is the most beautiful woman in the world. I didn’t like this at first, but she’s exerting her power over Bronn, who drinks the antidote and like, shit, that was close.

-Lady O meets Littlefinger at his trashed brothel, and she cuts right to the chase, saying that they’re now together because of the Joffrey plot (I think this is the first time they explicitly say it). She wants to know what his objective is, and Littlefinger gives her a little, but not all of it, and that he has a gift for her.

-At the fighting pits, the man who bought them gives a pep talk and introduces them to Dany, who is not here for any of this shit at all and wants to leave early, but Loraq says the people might take offense to it. Jorah sees her, gets his mask and runs into the ring like Hulk Hogan during a battle royal, wreckin’ shop. He kicks everyone’s asses while Tyrion is still in the back in chains, and a huge man cuts his chains so he can be free. Outside, Jorah takes off his mask to show himself to Dany, who is like, GET THIS MUFUCKA OUTTA MY SIGHT and I’m surprised she doesn’t order his death right there. However, he says he brought her a gift and out walks the imp to proclaim that he is the gift, and his name is Tyrion Lannister. I should have apologized to my neighbors, because I may have stood up and started cheering like it was a basketball game. I’ve been waiting for this since I found out it was even an option, and here is my reasoning for them being the leaders for the Iron Throne race (from a conversation with a friend):

“Dany has the army and she has dragons, but she has no idea how to lead and neither do the people around her and they have no idea what to do about King’s Landing, but Tyrion has grown up watching the game, both politically and militarily, and he did a damn good job when he was the King’s Hand”.

I’m not sure if this is how it will turn out, and stubborn-ass Dany has to first listen to what Tyrion has to say, but this scene pretty much made me forget about everything else that has happened this season.

-Cersei visits Margaery in her cell, and it’s so fucking petty. She says she doesn’t look like she has been eating and gives Margaery her leftovers, and that she’s tryna help, but Margaery is like, bitch you lyin’, you did this and throws stew at her, telling her to get out. Cersei walks out with that smirking smile that she has on in 70% of her scenes. Cersei always looks like she’s on the verge of laughing in your face.

-However, that turned into a frown quickly as Cersei visited the High Sparrow, who tells her about a young man who came to him a mess, but he told some stories that lifted the weight off his shoulders, and some of those stories involved her….and of course, it’s her cousin Lancel, who has ALL SORTS of dirt on Cersei, who tries to run away, but is stopped by guards. The High Sparrow is joined by Lancel and has a really creepy look on his face, while Cersei hits that “I’M THE QUEEN” joint that Margaery yelled as she was being taken away, and she tells the female guard to remember her face as it’s the last one that she’ll see before she dies. Man, like Rod from The Black Guy Who Tips always says, people who try to dance before they score the touchdown ALWAYS get burned in Game Of Thrones, and this is what happened to Cersei. The risk of premature partyin’, my friends.

-Littlefinger told Lady O he had a gift for her. Is Lancel the gift, or this entire situation? Either way, he had something to do with this.

Now, all I want next week is more Tyrion/Dany stuff, I assume we’ll get some Arya stuff, Tommen’s gon’ be lookin’ around like, uh, where did my wife and mother go, Melisandre will be plotting on how to get Shireen’s blood (does she need just a little blood or, like, for her to actually die?), someone gotta run up and save Sansa for fuck sakes….oh, and as terrible as Winterfell and Castle Black looked, winter HAS to be here by now, right?

Alright, Game Of Thrones, you have my full and undivided attention again. Let’s go.


Game Of Thrones S05E06 – Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken

Game Of Thrones certainly isn’t a show for the faint of heart, and many times, viewers are left to wonder if they went too far. With “Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken” (which is the motto of the House Martell), people are asked to make that decision once again and I’ll tell you right now….actually, fuck it. We’ll get there. Let’s go…..

-We open with Arya, still wiping dead bodies down, and the body is taken away, but she wants to see where it goes and she’s stopped by the Waif (apparently that is her name) and Arya is fed the fuck up; she wants to know when she gets her Faceless training on. The Waif says that she has already played and lost and Arya is like, what kinda grapefruit ass shit is that, I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW I WAS PLAYING. Then ol’ Waify tells a story of where she might be from, but she alludes to it possibly being a lie and it’s all a part of becoming Faceless, but never saying it, of course, because she’s an asshole. But I did figure out that she isn’t blind as I thought the first time we saw her.

-Then Arya is tryna sleep when she is woken up by Jaqen, who asks her a bunch of questions about who she is, but every time she tells the truth, he hits her. By the end of it, Arya is like, this is some fuckin’ bullshit and I don’t wanna play, and he’s like, yeah, b, you never stop playing. I get where this is going, but they gotta hurry up. I ain’t tryna watch this fuckboy slap Arya around while she’s washing bodies for the next season and a half.

-Tyrion is tryna make small talk with Jorah, and we see the greyscale again, I don’t know how Tyrion didn’t see him looking at it, but hey, it is what it is. Tyrion tells Jorah of why he’s on the road (killed his pops, murdered his side chick/true love), and then he goes on to tell Jorah his father was a good man, and Jorah is like, how you know my pops? He tells Jorah that he met him on the Wall and that there would never be another like him…..Jorah stares at Tyrion, and it takes the imp a minute to figure out that Jorah never knew what happened to his father. Jorah gets Tyrion to tell him what happened (his own men turned on him) and the two are off again. Most times, Tyrion’s mouth gets him into trouble, but sometimes…..yeah, not so much.

-Arya is now washing the floors when a man brings his sick daughter to the House of Black and White, and I wanna know how he got in there when Arya had to sit outside for a day in the rain. Anyway, he just wants it to end because she is really sick, and Arya comforts her with a lie of a story, along with another lie that the water will help her, but that shit put her an eternal sleep. Jaqen is watching this and he is impressed with her compassion, along with her lying, and he creeps up on her (because he doesn’t know how to move any other way), leading her to follow him. He leads her to the Hall of Faces, all faces taken from the dead bodies that are washed, and ask her she is ready to become no one, and she hesitates. He says she is ready to become someone else, though. Next episode, I wanna see Arya runnin’ up steps on some Rocky shit.

-Tyrion and Jorah are walking and talking, and Jorah asks Tyrion if he believed in anything and Tyrion is like, NOAP. Jorah says he didn’t, but then he saw Dany walk out of the burning pyre with her baby dragons, which is fair. Tyrion is still a little skeptical because the Targaryens are, well, fucking crazy, which is also fair, and lays out a few reasons as to why she isn’t good for the Iron Throne, but as they’re getting to that, they see a slave ship. However, they also notice that they’re surrounded. They proceed to beat the hell outta Jorah and the main guy (played by Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, who was Mr. Eko in Lost and Adebisi in Oz) wants to cut off Tyrion’s cock to sell it because a dwarf’s cock has magic powers. Tyrion starts pleading that they’ll need to prove the cock is from a dwarf, and the second-in-command is like, it’ll be dwarf-size and Tyrion is like, GUESS AGAIN. He manages to keep himself and Jorah alive as he tells them about Jorah being a great fighter who has killed Dothraki, and if they get to the fighting pits in Meereen (which are going to be open soon), he’ll prove it. Shit is like kidnapping Inception, but they’re en route to Meereen again.


-Littlefinger strolls up into King’s Landing, where he is greeted by Lancel’s crazy ass. Lancel tries to threaten Littlefinger by saying there will be no more prostitution in these streets, but Littlefinger ain’t scared, shit, he has been threatened by more important people.

-Littlefinger gets to Cersei, who continues to say she had nothing to do with Loras gettin’ hemmed up and he’s like, come on, b, you can’t bullshit a bullshitter, but whatever, the Tyrells ain’t gon’ like this. Cersei is tryna get the Vale on their side for when the war starts and Littlefinger not only says that they will, but that he knows Sansa is in Winterfell and Cersei is like, say word????? He tells Cersei of Roose’s plan to marry Sansa to Ramsey, which pisses her off after the Lannisters and Boltons pulled off the Red Wedding together, but Littlefingers advises Cersei to let the Boltons fight Stannis and his people, then they can take over the North, and Littlefinger will be the Warden of the North (I think that’s how it works, either way, the plan is for Littlefinger to be somebody). Cersei doesn’t care now, she just wants Sansa’s head on a spike. Would Littlefinger set Sansa up like that? It might be the ultimate revenge for him not getting Cat, but really, that might be the least of Sansa’s worries at this very moment.

-Myrcella is with the boy she is supposed to marry, Trystane, who is the nephew of Oberyn and the son of Prince Doran, who knows Ellaria and the Sand Snakes are probably coming for her, so the leader of his security crew gotta watch them. Meanwhile, Jaime and Bronn have stolen the clothes of the men they killed and are riding towards the city, and Ellaria is indeed plotting with the Sand Snakes to snatch up Myrcella, so you get the feeling it’s about to go down. They all meet in the courtyard and as Jaime is tryna convince Myrcella to come with him, but the Sand Snakes come out and they have a lumberjack match (three Sand Snakes against Jaime and Bronn). But before anyone gets hurt, Doran’s bouncer and his people are like, we’re just taking everyone in and we’ll figure it out. They also go and grab Ellaria, because fuck her. Talkin’ bad to the prince like you’re somebody.

-Lady Olenna is on her way to King’s Landing, talkin’ mad shit about how it stinks and how the rumors against Loras are gossip and something about pillowbiters being arrested because quite frankly, Lady O doesn’t give a flying fuck about your feelings. She goes to Cersei to figure this shit out, and Cersei isn’t backing down from her lie that the Faith Militant was behind Loras’ getting jailed, but Lady O isn’t buying that at all. Lady O is like, dogg, we’re feeding your fuckin’ people and this is the thanks we get? Cersei is like, I’m fighting on this lie, and tells her that the High Septon is calling for a preliminary trial to see if the charges against Loras will stick, and kicks Lady O out. SON…..the look that she gives Cersei before she leaves, that has to be a GIF somewhere.

-Whenever Tywin was writing letters, something was usually about to happen. Are they carrying that tradition with Cersei, who was writing this entire time? Do her words hold the same weight?

-We go to this trial of Loras, who is denying everything, so the High Septon decides to call Margaery forward, which is surprising because she’s the Queen, but she’s like, I don’t know shit about shit, bruh, and I’m the fuckin’ Queen. The High Septon brings out Oliver, who of course, was in bed with Loras when Margaery visited them a couple episodes ago, and he snitches like all get out on everyone, saying that not only was he in bed with Loras, but Margaery just lied to y’all and the Septon is like, welp, guess we got a trial. Margaery yells, “I AM THE QUEEN”, looking right at Cersei, who is partyin’, while Tommen is like, I’m never getting sex again and Lady O was all but ready to take her earrings off and throw down with Cersei. My money is on Lady O, by the way. Cersei hit her with that “your move” smirk, and man, it’s about to get so ugly for her.

-Myranda has been sent to give Sansa a bath so that she’s good for this wedding she doesn’t want to do, and she tries to tell Sansa a bunch of stuff to scare her away from Ramsey, like Sansa actually wants to go through with this. But Sansa realizes what is going on: Myranda is in love with Ramsey, but Winterfell is Sansa’s home and she won’t be intimidated. Then Theon shows up and says he is to escort Sansa down the aisle, arm in arm or Ramsey will hurt me, and Sansa is like, bitch, you killed my brothers, fuck your feelings. The truth is gon’ be SO GOOD.

-So then we have a wedding that looks the most unhappy time ever; at least with most weddings in Game Of Thrones, they start out happy. This joint is dark as shit, and the only one smiling is Ramsey because, well, Ramsey. Then we get to after the wedding, where they go back to a room to consummate the marriage and Ramsey finds out that Sansa is a virgin, which is tip #1 that this isn’t going to go well for her. Theon is about to leave and Ramsey is like, nah, you’re gon’ stay and watch the girl you grew up with become a woman, and she goes to take her clothes off, but not fast enough for Ramsey, who rips the back of her dress, bends her over and all we hear is her cries, while Theon has a look of utter terror on his face.

-Now, I’m not here to tell people what they can and/or can’t be upset by. Everyone has their goalposts. This was hard to watch, and it should have been. I was more upset with how the Jaime/Cersei scene was handled last season more than I was with the other night because that was a complete departure from the books. From what I’ve gathered, this was something like what happened in the books, but it was worse there (it was with a handmaiden or something, and there is shit that the GOT Wiki said was completely unfilmable). Now, that being said, I’m not condoning it because it was all sorts of fucked up and they probably could have changed it. Shit, Sansa was gon’ do it anyway (but don’t get twisted: it was still rape) because in this world, the women really didn’t have a say in, well, anything, especially when it came to marriages (Sansa has been a pawn in what, three marriages now?). I also don’t think we needed to see it to further the point that Ramsey is sadistic (then again, I also thought that he wouldn’t do anything to Sansa, so what do I know) but that wasn’t my call to make. I think they could have done without it, but man, Game Of Thrones has always been about this life and it won’t be the last time that happens, so I guess I wasn’t surprised. Some people say they’re done with it and hey, that’s their call.

-Everyone is going to have their take on that final scene and it’s fine. We can agree to agree or disagree, but just remember this: don’t be an asshole about it.

So, as if we didn’t want the worst shit in Westeros to happen to Ramsey, we do now (my prediction? Myranda does it). Jorah and Tyrion are just tryna get to Meereen without getting kidnapped again. Arya better have nunchuks or some shit, or practicing how to eat a single piece of rice with chopsticks (I can’t promise I’ll stop making Kill Bill/Arya references). The Lady O/Cersei beef has officially been put on the front burner, while Tommen wants to go back to his life of playing with his cat. And I suppose we’ll check in with Dany and ’em next week. The stage is yours, Game Of Thrones.

Mad Men S07E14 – Person To Person

Mad Men concluded its outstanding seven-season run with “Person To Person” with a typically understated finale filled with little details and moments that hold special weight if you’ve been watching this story build over time. Let’s go…….

-We open with Don in the desert in a car, and when he goes back to the mechanics, he tells them what is wrong with the car, driving home the point once again that Don is good with fixing stuff and on the low, he always has been. Apparently, he’s backing these guys to break the speed record, so it’s good that his money is being put to use.

-Roger is with Meredith and Caroline, and the order comes down that he doesn’t need two secretaries anymore and since Don isn’t coming back, Meredith is expendable, but first, she translated a speech for Roger into Pig Latin. God love Meredith. She was just tryna help.

-Peggy and Stan are in a meeting with a lady from McCann Erickson who is doling out accounts, and Peggy is cheesed because she was taken off Chevalier, which she had at SC&OPP. Stan thinks she shouldn’t press it, but Peggy is feelin’ herself walking into ME and Stan is like, well, here we go. However, the meeting goes smoother than expected and Peggy gets the account she wants. If I want to see just one person happy when this is all said and done, it’s Peggy.

-Don finds a blonde to sleep with because why not, and it turns out she is a prostitute that tried to steal money out of his wallet, which Don knew had happened. Just like with the kid Andy in “The Milk And Honey Route“, Don reminds you that he is a con man at his core and he knows a con when he sees it. It’s also a bit weird to see Don paying for sex, but not really.

-Joan and Richard are in a hotel room, doing cocaine just to try it, and Joan has set them thangs out in the most revealing dress we’ve seen her wear in quite a while, which means the episode could have ended here and I’d be okay with it. Richard wants to travel around and not be tied down to New York and again, he continues to move mighty fast for someone who JUST got there.

-Pete goes to say goodbye to Peggy and gives her a cactus that someone gave him because well, he has a five-year-old that will surely fuck herself up on that. He also tells Peggy that she’ll be a creative director by 1980 and she’s like, bitch that’s too long, but Pete alludes to the fact that people will be warming up to the idea of a woman being in that role by then, giving the human race plenty of time to adapt because we ain’t shit. It was a nice little moment between Peggy and Pete, who have a wild history that you could have probably done a show about on its own, and speaks to the depth of the characters we’ve invested so much in over seven season. Also, shoutout to Pete giving Harry Crane a cookie and telling him to go sit down somewhere.

-Sally is on the phone with Don, being distant, when she finally breaks down to tell Don about Betty, and Don is like, your mother is a hypochondriac, which goes back to Henry saying that Betty liked the tragedy of her story….nah bitch, she has lung cancer. So obviously, Don lights a cigarette and says he is coming home, but Sally tells him of the plan for the kids to go with their uncle William and he tries to fight it, saying some dumb shit like “grownups make these decisions”, Sally stands firm because this is best for the boys….and she’s right.

-Then he calls Betty, in one of the rare times we don’t see her in makeup (however, her nail game was on fire) with a bedside table full of pills, and he wants to be a part of the kids’ lives, but Betty says this is her wish and she doesn’t want to spend the rest of her time arguing about this. And seriously, she adds, the kids having a normal life doesn’t involve Don because he hasn’t been there anyway, which is a low blow, but right on the money and Don is like, damn, I ain’t shit. Then he says, “Oh, Birdy”, and the camera cuts back and forth between the two of them trying not to cry, and I start looking down at the ground because shit was gettin’ a little dusty, and I look to see we’re only 17 minutes in. This will be a long-ass hour.

-Joan meets with Ken Cosgrove, who has to make an industrial film for Dow, but he needs a producer and someone to write the script. Shit will pay $50,000 for eight minutes. The wheels start turning for Joan.

-Don is damn near passed out and drunk in his room and the mechanics need money, but Don also wants them to drop him off in Los Angeles. After a commercial, Joan calls Peggy to set up a meeting about the script for Ken’s film and why not? Peggy is good at what she does and it’s a lot of money.

-Don ends up on the doorstep of Stephanie, the daughter of the late Anna Draper, and we haven’t seen her since she was pregnant, getting a thousand dollars from Megan to go see her boyfriend in jail. She looks in better shape with Don, and she had her kid taken away from her, but she has a nice little house here, while Don rolls up smellin’ like booze with a shopping bag full of whatever he has left. He came to bring her Anna’s ring since she probably deserves it more than he does. I’m not sure either of them deserve it.

-Roger is in bed with Marie and he says what we Canadians have known for years: Du Maurier is a shitty cigarette. Marie says she saw her ex-husband (or soon-to-be) and starts yelling at Roger in French to get out of his bed and to go sleep in the living room. And he does it. If I have one gripe about this final season of Mad Men, it’s that Roger has been little more than a jokester, although the jokes have been great.

-Stephanie wakes Don and says he is coming with her, then we cut to Bobby tryna make dinner for he and Gene when Sally walks in, and they kick Gene out of the kitchen as he’s just tryna eat this burnt-ass food. Bobby doesn’t know exactly what is going on, all he knows is that his mother is sick, she doesn’t have much time left and she has been fighting with Henry a lot, and I wonder if it is right then and there that Sally decides she isn’t going to Madrid anymore. Instead, she aims to teach Bobby how to cook, so Sally is basically the mother now, putting her dreams on the backburner to deal with this. Hug the women in your family, and not just on Mother’s Day.

-Turns out that Don and Stephanie are going to some yoga-esque retreat with meditation and such. This should be rich.

-Roger visits Joan and Kevin, and asks her if he can put Kevin in his will as legacy has been important to Roger all season; it’s really the only thing that he has been given a chance to sink his teeth into. He also tells Joan that he is marrying Marie and she seems happy for Roger, saying that someone finally got the timing right as she couldn’t hold him down. So the Joan/Roger scene, check (also a check to Peggy/Pete and probably Don/Betty).

-Don and Stephanie are at this retreat, and they do an exercise in which they wander around aimlessly, and then you stop and say, but without words, how the person nearest to you makes you feel. Some hug, some touch each other, but this old woman pushes Don and he’s like, the fuck is this shit about?

-Peggy meets with Joan, who puts forth a proposal for her and Peggy to start their own production company, where they wouldn’t have to listen to pigheaded-ass men who treat them (well, Joan) like sexual objects, but Peggy seems like she’s happy at ME. But the offer is definitely intriguing to Peggy, who is flattered and seems so much younger than Joan here. I don’t even know if “younger” is the right word, maybe “less mature”. Still, after their dust-up at the beginning of Season 7B, it’s good to see the respect is still there between Joan and Peggy.

-It’s “reveal stuff” time at the retreat, and Stephanie is telling everyone how she feels judged by, well, everyone for everything from getting pregnant to getting kicked out of school, basically, for being shitty at life. The woman leading the exercise tells her, yeah, you’re right and your son will always be looking for you, which causes her to run out crying and Don to look at her like, bitch, are you serious? He chases Stephanie and tells her that they can sort all this out by moving to Los Angeles, and there he goes again, tryna save someone. But Stephanie isn’t having it, saying they aren’t even really family anyway and she calls him Dick regularly, and think about it: sure, Anna forgave him before she died, but Stephanie might not as he stole her dead father’s identity, then just shows up like shit is all sweet. Nah, bruh, you can’t be just walkin’ in and out of lives like that.

-Stan walks into Peggy’s office and she tells him about Joan’s offer, and she is looking for reassurance, but Stan starts talking about how he is happy to be good at his job and Peggy says he lacks ambition and is a failure. That stings Stan, who says that he hopes she is drunk because she’ll need an excuse for that, and Peggy knows she fucked up. Stan can’t seem to do anything right around her.

-Joan is with Richard and she is getting excited about her prospects, but Richard starts going on about the job taking away from how much time they’ll get to spend with each other and it’s clear that he doesn’t want her to do anything else but be his woman, which is exactly what Joan is tryna get away from with this new company. I knew I ain’t fuck with this dude. He just wants her all to himself, shit, he had to make a big concession to let her child into the mix. He walks out of the apartment; let this fuckboy go, Joan. You’re better than that. She pulled herself together with the quickness before taking a phone call.

-Don wakes up to find that Stephanie is gone with his car, and it’ll be a couple days before he can get out. So, he calls Peggy, who at first is angry at him, but she realizes something is deeply wrong and Don starts confessing like Usher, stating that, “I broke all my vows, scandalized my child, took another man’s name and made nothing of it.”. Peggy is like, what about Coke and tells him to come home, and Peggy is confused about all this shit, glossing over the last part like it meant nothing. He only called because he never said goodbye to her and Peggy is like, this mufucka’s gon’ kill himself, but Don seriously just wanted to hear her voice because of everything they’ve gone through. Even though Don has given her shit over the years, no one has been a bigger champion for Peggy Olson than Don, who then sits on the ground and has an anxiety attack, which I’m sure we’ve seen him have before.

-Peggy calls Stan right away to say she heard from Don, and Stan is like, that is Don: he’s a survivor (word to Destiny’s Child) and he’ll be fine, but Peggy is distraught and ends up apologizing for saying shitty things to Stan earlier, and that is her second cuss word of the episode, drawing from the swear bank of Matthew Weiner. She also tells Stan she is staying at ME, which makes him happy because she drives him crazy, but he can’t stop thinking about her and that he is in love with her. I may or may not have watched this scene like, 12 times just to pause the look on Peggy’s face when she’s like, “wait a minute, what was that now?”. In a roundabout and awkward way, as Peggy is known to do, she reciprocates it, but Stan isn’t on the phone anymore, he runs to her office and they kiss. I may or may not have been standing on my couch at this point.

-Don is still sitting on the ground when a woman comes by to ask him to join her in a class she is late for. He is sitting there blankly, until a man gets up and starts talking about how invisible he is to his family, they don’t even know he is there and no one cares that he is gone, which goes back to the conversations he has had with Betty and Sally. This all hits Don really hard and he goes up to the man and starts hugging him, and this is the beauty of Mad Men: we wait seven seasons for some sort of lesson from the main characters, and then this random dude comes out of nowhere and encapsulates Don Draper’s entire existence. The man says something about spending your life trying to get love, and people are trying to give it to you, but you don’t even know what it is. Look at every single relationship Don has ever had and that has been the overarching theme. Matthew Weiner, you brilliant, brilliant bastard.

-So, here we are with a montage: Pete, Trudy and Tammy are on their way to Wichita in a private plane as he starts with Lear. Joan hands Kevin to her mother as she walks into her apartment, which is HQ for her production company, and we also learn that is November 1970, so we have an end date. Roger and Marie are having a drink and waiting to get married, and Roger has learned French, so you know she’s special to him. Sally is washing dishes at the house while Betty smokes and reads the paper because, dammit Betty, don’t you ever change. Peggy is typing away and then Stan comes in and gives her a kiss on the forehead.

-Finally, we see Don in a meditation group and the leader says something about, “new ideas, a new day, a new you” and we get a smile from Don, who might not even be Don anymore. We know he isn’t averse to new identities, so he might be plotting on his new plan. He might be simply coming to peace with being Dick Whitman.There are a bunch of ways you could read into this scene and I’m sure I’ll read 30,000 thinkpieces that do so.

-The series end with the famous Coke commercial, “If I Could Teach The World To Sing”. Was that what Peggy was working on in that montage? ME certainly managed to survive without Don (and the rest of the old firm outside of Peggy), who, like Stan said, realized there was more to life than work and Don had figured that out a couple of episodes ago.

-Also, if you watch that ad, there is a girl in a brown flowered shirt that looks a helluva lot like Stephanie, and also a girl with ribbons in her hair that looks like a girl from the retreat. Coincidence? It could be, but I’ve been watching Mad Men long enough to at least question it.

And thus ends Mad Men, a show that will go down in history as one of the best to ever do it. The finale was as close to perfect, for me, as it could have been and much like the finale of Breaking Bad, I stood and applauded as the credits rolled. Sure, there wasn’t a lot of “action”, or explosions, or zombies, or dragons, or exploding zombie dragons, but good luck tryna come up with a show that developed characters better than Mad Men. Everything that ever happened stayed in line with the characters and what they would, for the most part, and there aren’t many shows that could get away with a finale like this. It kinda reminded me of Dexter as the main character abandons everyone he loves, but done right because Dexter was a goddamn shitshow (don’t even get me started).

Thank you, Matthew Weiner and the cast and crew of Mad Men for telling this story, and never doing too much, and always staying true to the essence of the show. I hope more people get up on it now that it’s done.


Game Of Thrones S05E05 – Kill The Boy

We’re at the halfway point of Season 5 for Game Of Thrones, and while it has been a very good season, it has been maybe a little down by its standards. “Kill The Boy” did hit on a few things, but it also whiffed on a couple. Honestly, I think it’s just because I’m caught up in the final run of Mad Men, but I mean, it’s still Dem Thrones and their “okay” episodes still do a lot. Let’s go…

-We open with Missandei sitting with Grey Worm, who is still alive after coming out on the wrong end of the Sons Of The Harpy massacre, but we can’t say the same for Ser Barristan the Bold as Dany and Daario stand over the slain Selmy as Loraq offers his condolences. Dany gives a nod to the book-readers who were mad that Barristan didn’t get enough shine for being a great fighter in the past, yet he died in an alley by some bum-ass dudes with masks. I get why they’re mad, but you can’t fit everything into the show. You just can’t. We’d get 20-episode seasons, which I would be okay with, but I’m realistic. Anyway, Daario suggests setting up a base, but Dany is like, bring me the leaders of the families, like Loraq, who knows how this is going down.

-Next, we’re in the basement and you can hear the clinking of chains that are holding some very pissed-off dragons. Dany gives a speech about not giving up on her children and basically, she was just disciplining them and they understand, which they seem to do before setting one of the leaders on fire while tearing him apart at the same time. So, here is the thing: I’ve always said that they wouldn’t hurt Dany and she is their mother, and she ran away. And she was right, but man, this scene came off kinda cheesy to me (although dragons burning stuff is badass anyway). I’ll buy it this time because it’s Dany and I fucks with her, but the execution? Meh. But I do agree with what her electoral platform would be: I got dragons…bow down, bitches.

-Also, if you don’t think this episode wasn’t saved specifically for Mother’s Day, you’re crazy.

-Sam is reading a letter to Maester Aemon, who is worried about Dany being alone without family, which is fitting because well, he is her great-uncle. Jon Snow enters to ask for his advice about the wildlings, but he doesn’t even get a chance to ask him because Aemon doesn’t want to know and it doesn’t matter: this is Jon’s decision and he repeats to him to “kill the boy”, and that winter is almost upon them (dammit, it’s coming, we know). Now I thought he was talking about Ollie, who killed Ygritte, but my homegirl Jamie put forth that he was telling Jon to kill the boy inside him and that this is a man’s decision, more or less. That sounds much better, but it’s not like Game Of Thrones is above killing children.

-Jon meets with Tormund to try and broker peace; he goes to get the rest of the wildlings and bring them south of The Wall, if they help fight the White Walkers when they eventually come. Like Mance Rayder, Tormund is stubborn and says they won’t do it, but Jon calls him a coward and Tormund is like, easy to say when I’m in chains. Jon strolls over and undoes the chains and looks him in his eyes like, YEAH I SAID IT AND WHAT. That gets Jon some respect from Tormund and I mean, come on, Jon killed that big-ass Thenn last season. But Tormund has a request of his own: they need ships for the people and Jon has to come with him. Jon says he’ll talk to Stannis and figure shit out. Jon better bring a crew with him.

-Jon brings this up at his next meeting and no one is really down for the cause, except Sam, of course. Even Alliser’s bitch ass has something to say because he doesn’t know how close he was to being sent away somewhere, or even killed. Anyway, Jon says fuck y’all and this is how it’s goin’ down. Back in his quarters, Ollie enters and Jon persuades him to speak freely about his decision. He is obviously pissed because the wildlings and Thenns teamed up to destroy his village, including his parents, but Jon is like, nah b, winter is coming and we got these White Walkers to deal with, so we need people. Ollie ain’t tryna hear it and hey, maybe he DOES need to die.

-Pod da Gawd and Brienne are in an inn somewhere around Winterfell and Brienne is so adamant that Sansa needs her help, which she might, but Brienne ain’t sneaking in. So she gives a letter to a servant, who is shocked that there is a Stark left in the world, and she is right here. That’s a big assumption by Brienne to believe this person will get that note to Sansa and not to the Boltons. Also, I don’t know if it’s just me, but I swear we’ve seen that servant before, which is why I’m worried that was the wrong thing to do by Brienne.

-We get naked Myranda, who was last seen plottin’ on Sansa, and Ramsey, who listens to her be jealous of his wedding to Sansa, but he doesn’t care and says that he is marrying Sansa while continuing to own her, because he’s a charming fella. She says she’ll marry someone and he’s like, if you don’t go the fuck on…..then she tries to hit him and that obviously doesn’t go well for her, but Ramsey likes this shit and slides it in, while also threatening to kill her in a roundabout way. Why did I think he wouldn’t hurt Sansa again?

-Speak of the devil, Sansa gets a message from a woman that says she still has people that will roll with her in the North, and if she needs help, take a candle to the Broken Tower. Sansa goes to visit the tower, the same tower where Bran was pushed out of by Jaime to kick this whole thing off, and she is met by Myranda, who tries to befriend her, but comes off as creepy, of course. Myranda takes Sansa to the kennels, where we hear a bunch of dogs barking at Sansa, but in the last cage, we have Theon/Reek, and she is floored. She says his name and he is like, NOAP and tells her she shouldn’t be here. Sansa is FURIOUS.

-Ramsey confronts Theon/Reek about his meeting with Sansa, but shit, it wasn’t even his fault! He looks and acts like he is about to punish dude because he’s fucking Ramsey Bolton, but he forgives him, so you know something worse is coming.

-Ramsey is at dinner with Sansa, his father and Walda Frey, Roose’s new wife (from the “Red Wedding” fallout), and while he seemed cool at first, he brings out Theon/Reek, making it awkward for everyone, especially when he makes him apologize to Sansa for “killing” Bran and Rickon. He manages to spit it out while Sansa looks disgusted and is like, shit, first, Joffrey, now this? Ramsey then suggests that Theon/Reek give Sansa away at the wedding and Roose goes along with it, but I feel this will turn on them with the quickness, so I’m okay with it. But Ramsey’s partyin’ was brought to a screeching halt when Roose announces that Walda is pregnant, which jeopardizes Ramsey’s spot in line for power and Sansa came THISCLOSE and giving Ramsey the “DX SUCK IT” in his face. She hit that little smirk and it was good.

-Ramsey goes to his pops to see what’s up and Roose tells the story of Ramsey’s birth. Roose raped someone’s wife (after hanging him, of course) and next thing you know, Ramsey was on his doorstep. There were no DNA tests, so Roose was like, NAH, and was about to hang the woman, but he looked at Ramsey and was like, shit, he looks just like me, crazy as shit. Then he tells Ramsey that Stannis has an army and wants the Iron Throne, but he has to go through Winterfell to get to King’s Landing and he needs Ramsey’s help to stop him. Ramsey is always down for a fight, while Roose is like, well, he ain’t thinking about that shit anymore.

-Sam and Gilly are talking in the library when in walks Stannis, who asks to speak to Sam. He knows who Sam’s father was (defeated his brother Robert in his only loss) and he’s surprised that Sam looks the way he does, but hey, he killed a White Walker with a dagger made of dragonglass. Stannis orders Sam to keep researching why dragonglass kills White Walkers. Stannis is starting to come around with me. He seems to be militarily sound and dammit, a good father.

-Stannis then tells Davos that they’re leaving for Winterfell the next morning and while Davos protests that they should wait for Jon and his reinforcements, Stannis wants to surprise the Boltons, and he wants Shireen and his wife to come with them because The Wall is full of criminals. So you want them to go to a battle? Really, it’s pick your poison for Stannis.

-Selyse stops Shireen from talking to Davos, then shoots a dirty look as she tries to say goodbye to Gilly and Sam. I hope Selyse dies outchea in these streets. Lowkey, she has become one of the most vile characters on Game Of Thrones, and that’s saying something. Meanwhile, Jon goes to see Stannis off and thanks him for the ships and Stannis is like, I need them shits back. They roll out and he gets a “fuck me” look from Melisandre, but I think that’s just the way she looks at everyone.

-Grey Worm wakes up to Missandei, and he finds out that Barristan is dead, which makes him feel like a failure. He also says he was afraid and the Unsullied aren’t afraid, but he was scared that he would never see Missandei again, to which she kisses him. Sure. There has to be a point to this love story, right? One of them won’t make it.

-Dany asks Missandei what her opinion of the fighting-pits dilemma is, and eventually Missandei tells her that she has seen Dany make decisions based on her counsel’s advice, but she is also capable of making her own decisions, so really, Missandei didn’t tell her anything. Somewhere, Dany formulates a plan and goes to the cell where Loraq is being held, tells him that they’ll re-open the pits, but only for free people. He also learns that Dany is going to marry the head of an ancient family to forge a bond with the people of Meereen, and it’s probably gon’ be Loraq, who has to have Big Pun’s “You Came Up” blasting in his head. Even if it’s just for show, he won…..for now.

-Tyrion is tryna be friends with Jorah so he doesn’t catch a backhand again, and he figures out that they’re cutting to Meereen through Old Valyria, which is where Dany’s bloodline comes from. Tyrion is a bit worried, but he wants to see the ruins of this once-great civilization, and I think he’s kind of impressed that Jorah would go through this sort of trouble to get Dany something from here. The shot of them sailing up to the entrance of the ruins is just wonderful, eerie and misty, and then we see Drogon flying overhead….so that’s where he has been hiding. Tyrion has heard of the dragons, but he has never seen one himself, while Jorah is like, yeah dude, shit is real, although the last time he saw Drogon, he wasn’t this big. But in the background, you see something jump into the water and they get jumped by the Stone Men, who are infected with greyscale so bad that they were sent to Old Valyria to live out their days, and they can give it to you by touching your skin as we learned from Stannis in “Sons Of The Harpy“. A fight ensues and Jorah keeps Tyrion (who is screaming for Jorah to untie his hands, but he is a little busy) and he succeeds until Tyrion jumps overboard to escape one, but another Stone Man grabs him and pulls him under the water. After a short period of time, Jorah is waking Tyrion up and the two are on a beach, where they decide to chill for the night and rest as they have to start walking around Slaver’s Bay. However, Jorah turns away from Tyrion and pulls up his sleeve to reveal that he was indeed touched by a Stone Man, which makes sense because he fought off like, 5-6 guys.

Overall, this wasn’t my favorite episode of Game Of Thrones, but it was necessary. It had a little too much Ramsey and the Boltons for my liking, but we see why Myranda is eventually gon’ go nuts on someone, probably Sansa. The Missandei/Grey Worm thing didn’t need to happen (even though I like both of them), nor did the 1-2 minutes that Sam and Gilly were alone (and again, I fucks with them). I don’t even know what the hell Dany is doing, but it doesn’t matter now, because she has dragons (and I think Drogon senses that all is good with Moms and his brothers, so he was on his way back to Meereen when Jorah and Tyrion saw him). And of course, the end was badass and Jorah got dat ‘scale.

We all know that Game Of Thrones has another gear or two, we’re just waiting for it to get there.

Mad Men S07E13 – The Milk And Honey Route

The penultimate episode of Mad Men’s final season blindsides you with something you never see coming, and “The Milk And Honey Route” could have easily gone very badly. Instead, we got an episode that captures everything good about this entire show. Let’s go……

-We open with Don getting pulled over by a cop who says, “You knew we’d catch up with you”….before Don awakes from a dream. Just to remind you that he has been living a borrowed life for the last seven seasons and really doesn’t have much to show for it.

-Pete is playing the good dad, although Tammy got stung by a bee and he asks Trudy to have lunch, but she declines. Matthew Weiner has worked hard to bring Pete back around at the end after years of being incredibly smug, but he has always been a fun character to watch and I’m kinda rooting for him to be happy by the end of all this. He just wants his family back, and I’m happy with any amount of Alison Brie we can get over the last two hours.

-Speaking of, Trudy is with her friend who was there while Pete was, and her friend was amazed that Trudy wasn’t poisoning Pete’s name to Tammy. I think overall for everything that Pete has done, he has always done right by Tammy and you gotta respect that. Shoutout to Trudy for not being petty.

-Sally and Don are talking on the phone about a trip Sally is taking to Madrid, while Don just took a Midwesteren road trip, so I assume he’s done at McCann-Erickson. But like Roger told Jim Hobart, hey, he does that sometimes. Meanwhile, Betty is at school, struggling to walk the stairs, when she falls and you can tell she is in serious distress. That’s not good.

-Duck Phillips makes an appearance with Pete in an elevator as Duck is apparently there to help ME replace Don, so yeah, that answers that question (or that could be a lie, whatever the reason he is here, it can’t be good). But he gets off at the same floor as Pete and pitches him on an idea, but first, he fixes himself a drink because, Duck Phillips. He wants Pete to meet with an exec from Lear, pushing them on the idea that they need a new marketing director and Duck is the man to help them, but he wants Pete to meet with this exec. He doesn’t want to at all, but for some reason, Pete does him a solid.

-Don is driving along and starts hearing noises in his car, and he stops somewhere. Cut to Betty in the hospital, where the doctor tells her that she should call her husband and Betty is like, nah I’m good, my rib is just broken. The doctor was like, seriously… your husband. So Henry comes down and starts talkin’ about suing people for scaring Betty, who just want to go home. But then she goes to light up a smoke and Henry angrily grabs the pack from her and there it is: she has cancer. Shit. SHIT. FUCK.

-A tow truck driver takes Don to a motel owned by some nice older couple, and the husband tries to get Don to take a weekly rate, but Don decides on the daily. I don’t even know where Don is at this point. I think Sally is the only person who does.

-Pete is at dinner with the Lear guy and after Pete goes through his spiel about Duck being the right person to help them fill that role, the Lear guy instead wants Pete for the job and they both realize they’ve been duped. But they share a laugh and order brandy because fuck it, Duck is paying. Still, even though Pete is happy at ME, they do get on rather well.

-Cut to an X-ray of Betty’s lung while the doctor explains to Henry what is going on, while Betty is just staring ahead, processing the news that she has 9-12 months to live. I had to pause it and take a minute. This wasn’t in the top ten scenarios I had for the Mad Men finale. I’ve had my beef with Betty Francis and she isn’t the best mother (or person) in the world, but you had hope that she would get better, especially with Sally as she got older.

-Don is reading and meets the maid/messenger, Andy, who knows a lot about this little town, including where to get a bottle of booze. Then he goes to the pool and sees a beautiful brunette, and they hit that 70s shot, the long one where the camera starts at her head to goes all the way to her toes. That’s some Red Shoe Diaries shit right there. Don stares, but then her husband and kids run up and Don jumps in the pool. Don don’t care about your family, bruh, and if he wants her, he’ll get it, so don’t fight it.

-Drunk Duck calls Pete to tell him that the Lear guy is impressed and he wants to have a “last-round” dinner with the wives, between Pete and the other candidate. However, Pete has a job and he doesn’t have a wife, so he isn’t much of a candidate either. But somehow, he ends up agreeing to this dinner and takes down the name of the restaurant. Ducks seems psyched on it, so Pete is obviously hesitant, but curious.

-Betty is brushing her hair when Henry runs into the bathroom to give her all this information about doctors and he yells at her to stop wasting time moping, but when she starts yelling, he asks her if she wants the kids (Bobby and Gene) to hear and she’s like, they’ll hear what I want them to hear when I decide what to tell them. Henry doesn’t know how to handle these situations and walks away. So now the question is, when does she tell Sally?

-Don gets his bottle from Andy, who gets another $10 out of Don and we see that this kid is a hustler, but he has no idea who he is fuckin’ with. But both parties get what they want, and Andy asks Don how he got rich; he is very impressed that Don made commercials for television, and you can also tell this is a very small town.

-Pete puts Tammy to bed and stares at his ex-wife and daughter before going downstairs, while Don sits in a hotel room, watching the great Redd Foxx on a TV that then cuts out. He goes to tell the wife, Sharon, who is fussing with a broken typewriter, but Don fixes it right away and proves that he is handy. She asks him to go to the legion with other Army vets on Saturday night, which seems to be a while away and Don doesn’t know if he’l be there. Something doesn’t seem right with this place.

-Pete is eating pie in the dark when Trudy comes in and is like, why are you still here, b? He asks her to come to the Lear dinner this weekend and she’s like, nah, I don’t have to do that shit anymore. He pushes and she thinks about it, but she eventually goes into ice mode and kicks him out. Something is still there for her, but she can’t let go of the past.

-Sally gets back to her room and it’s Henry, who sits Betty down to tell her that her mother is sick and she instantly puts her hands over her ears. But Henry wants her to persuade Betty to get treatment, and that she’ll listen to Sally, which shows he really hasn’t been paying attention to how they treat other. He then tells her that it’s okay to cry, but it’s Henry who breaks down and leaves Sally with a look of “is this really happening?”. When I first watched this, I felt some kinda way about Henry telling Sally; I thought it should be Betty, or even Don. The only reason I feel like this is because Henry isn’t doing it for Sally, he’s doing it for himself because of his love for Betty, and we’ve had no indication that he has had a relationship with Sally, even though he has been married to her mother for a while now. I don’t know, it was just weird. But Sally at least tries to put her arm around him while she figures out what to do next. My guess would be to call Don.

-Don’s car seems to be running, so it seems like his time there has come to an end….but the husband is dead set on Don staying one more night to party at the legion. He also points out that they get a lot of tourists coming through, and Don has only made two phone calls in six days, which is even creepier because why are you watching me this close? He even throws in the room for another night on the house and another night for to fix a Coke machine, so hey, Don gets to finally work with Coke; that was a selling point for ME when they absorbed SCPLMNOP. Much like Pete, Don, somehow, gets roped into a situation.

-Henry arrives home with a surprise for Betty: it’s Sally, and the two have the most awkward staredown we’ve seen in a while on Mad Men. Betty walks past Sally (who thinks she is getting a hug, but NOAP) and she’s fuming, I think because Henry went behind her back to tell Sally and again, I think it was Betty’s place to do it. I don’t know, I have a poor memory with everything, but I just haven’t seen enough of a relationship between Henry and Sally to give him the right to do that. Henry goes to Betty, while Sally sits down with her brothers, and I notice that Gene is being played by the kid who played Abel on Sons of Anarchy. Get that work, little man, get that work.

-Don gets to the legion and apparently, the hook is that it’s a fundraiser for a man whose house burned down, so Don gives $40 and gets applause, while someone gets a $5 fine for swearing. That’s at least two episodes, maybe three, where there has been swearing, it’s like Weiner was saving them all up for these episodes.

-Pete is out to dinner with his brother instead of at the Lear dinner, and the two start talking about life and infidelity, both of which they’ve been guilty of, and Pete obviously starts thinking about Trudy. I’m picturing Pete drunk in the dark, listening to Drake’s “Marvin’s Room” with the first six digits of Trudy’s number dialed.

-Don is listening to old war stories when he meets a man who was from the same area in which he served, and he asks Don to see his face and Don is like, oh God please don’t recognize me. He doesn’t, but the man is good and drunk by now. Anyway, some woman jumps out of a cake and starts dancing, and they haven’t seen a woman in years, it seems.

-I was close. Pete is indeed drunk at home, and I bet he is thinking of calling Trudy when he gets a visit from Duck, who is pissed about Pete skipping out on the meeting, but it worked out because Lear is now offering Pete the job, $100,000 a year and use of the corporate jet, plus stocks to make up for the money he leaves at ME. Pete kicks out Drunk Duck, who doesn’t know which way to turn when he leaves, but Pete is now thinking about the Lear job….he has to be.

-More war stories at the legion, and by this point, they’re HAMMERED. Somewhere, Don decides to tell the story of how he, as Dick Whitman, accidentally killed his CO, and he has to feel good to Don to get this out because I’m not sure he has ever actually told someone; Betty and Pete both found out, but I’m not sure they know the story and here, he leaves out the stolen-identity part because they don’t need to know that.

-Betty goes into Sally’s room and says she wanted to tell Sally, who says Henry said she didn’t want treatment because she loves the tragedy of the situation, so yeah, fuck Henry Francis, b. Betty also says that she watched her mother die and doesn’t want Sally to do the same thing, and that she doesn’t want Betty thinking she is a quitter because she has fought for plenty in her life. Betty is another woman who has been looking for acceptance in the world of Mad Men, but for this last year, it seems like she just wants to enjoy it for what it’s worth. She also leaves Sally with instructions concerning when she dies, and she says that things happen very fast when people die. As someone that has gone through that, no truer words were ever spoken and shoutout to my sister, who took care of everything when our mother died. You gotta be on top of everything, hurting like hell inside, yet having to keep a brave face for everyone else. Shit is rough. Anyway, Betty tells Sally to go back to sleep, leaving her to sit in the dark with instructions on her mother’s death. Sleep. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

-Don gets woken up by the guys from the legion, who accuse him of stealing the money they raised and he is like, the fuck are you talking about? They hit him with a phone book and take his car until he gets the money. Honestly, I don’t think he did it, but Don has done some stupid-blackout shit before….there’s like, a 7.4% chance he did it.

-Pete drives to Trudy’s in the middle of the night, blasting Drake, and wakes her up to sweep her away, so I guess he’s planning on taking the Lear offer and moving to Wichita, which is a long way from New York. He pours it on thick, but eventually she gives in because we know she doesn’t want to be alone either; she just has to let go of the past so they can have this family. Again, the continuing humanization of Peter Jermaine LaTroy Campbell.

-Andy swings by Don’s room, and Don instantly knows it was him who stole the money and says he has shitty instincts for a con man, so Weiner was DEFINTELY banking these curse words. Don explains to him that he has to get outta town and he has to give back the money because it’s no way to live as another person, which Don knows all too well. The kid also looked like he wanted an award when he told Don that “he didn’t steal nothing”. Bitch, you want a cookie? Anyway, Don gets the money and gives it to the old man and leaves without paying for the room because fuck yo’ hotel and your town and your stupid Coke machine. I’m not quite sure that we need to go this long away around the path to Don telling that kid that living a lie ain’t what it’s cracked up to be, but it entertained me.

-Then the kid has the nerve to ask Don for a ride to the bus stop, but Don does it, so he must respect Andy’s hustle a little bit. And whatever happened to the hitchhiker Don picked up at the end of “Lost Horizon“?

-Betty is going to class and Henry asks her why she is doing this, to which she replies, “why was I ever doing this?”. Because she wants to accomplish something, let her cook.

-Sally opens Betty’s letter, which has instructions on where she wants to be buried, what dress she wants to wear, included with a picture of the dress, where it is hung up and how he wants her hair and makeup to look. Oh Betty, don’t you ever change. That’s when it hits Sally, who breaks down and I wanna give her a hug. Betty tells her that her life will be an adventure and ends it with a “I love you, Mom”. Might have welled up for a minute there. And I’m still here for this “Sally Goes To College” spinoff.

-Don is driving along and sees a bench, and gets out, leaving the car to Andy, who is stunned with what is going on right now. Don tells him, “don’t waste this” before watching Andy drive off, and we close with Don, just sitting on a bench, somewhere in middle America with a dumb smile on his face.

So, we get the end of two characters as Pete is off to Wichita to start over with his family, and I wonder if we’ll see him again because next week is the finale, and we have a LOT to deal with. We gotta see Joan and Roger off, we definitely have to see Peggy (and maybe Stan) off and I’ve very interested to see how that works out. Peggy is one of my, if not my favorite, character on the show and it would really suck if Weiner didn’t do her justice.

Then there is the Betty thing, and I’m still shocked at how bad it felt to watch Betty get that news, and that’s why Mad Men is so great: we’re invested in this characters so much that even the ones that you haven’t necessarily liked over the run of the show, you still want them to be happy and even though this was a crazy sad episode, for the first time during the last six episodes, I get the feeling that there could be a ray of sunshine somewhere in this story, which is strange.

Anyway, series finale, folks. Try and keep it together.

Mad Men S07E12 – Lost Horizon

Mad Men rumbles towards the finish line with “Lost Horizon”, which was perfect as the characters we’ve watched over seven seasons have no idea what their next plan is for the most part, but it did feel like there is a end game in sight and that is all we can ask for. Let’s go….

-We open with Don getting into an elevator into the new office as Meredith is shepherding him through the halls (he apparently got lost before) and gives him his rundown. He has to take Sally to school, so we’ll see Sally again before the end, which is nice. He also checks the strength of the window in his office, which makes me think of the opening credits and the suicide train is starting to get a head of steam. I didn’t think much of it before, but recently…..I don’t know. Why not? It’s not like Don has a history of staying to face things.

-Roger is at the office, overseeing everyone leaving and he speaks to Shirley, who says she is not going to McCann Erickson because advertising isn’t comfortable for everyone, which I believe is an allusion to race and Roger is like, you’re not wrong, so she peaces out. Roger and Harry get into a little catty beef, too, and I’m not sure what that’s about, although I don’t think anyone really likes Harry, and I don’t think Roger likes anyone but Don and Joan, and maybe Peggy (remember that for later).

-Joan gets a visit from a couple of female copywriters who seem like they’re tryna be friends with a plant for her office, but then they learn that Peggy is the one they should be talking to and they’re like, well that was a waste of a plant. Meanwhile, Peggy is still at the office with Ed, whose name I literally didn’t know until less than a minute ago, but he isn’t going to McCann, so he’s chillin’. Also, shoutout to Peggy’s lime-green suit, and I HATE the color green when it comes to clothes. Her outfit game was on point in this episode.

-Dan walks into the office of either Ferg or Jim Hobart, where Ferg does an truly awful impersonation of Don, and if impersonations are his thing, he needs a new thing. Jim then tells Don they’ve been trying to get him for a while, a decade to be exact, and he basically bought Sterling Cooper Bell Biv Devoe to get Don to work on a Miller beer account, so this guy is just fawning over Don, who gives some fake appreciation and even introduces himself as “Don Draper from McCann Erickson”, while the other two wet themselves. Hey man, if Don is nothing else, he is good at what he does.

-Joan is with one of the guys from the meeting she and Peggy had in “Severance“, so obviously he is a tool, interrupting Joan several times throughout a conference call and even asks the Avon guy they’re speaking with about playing golf. Had he read the briefs Joan prepared, he’d know that guy was in a wheelchair, so now shit is awkward, but he doesn’t care because he doesn’t take her seriously, which is what she was worried about.

-Peggy is at home because she doesn’t have an office and she gets brought flowers from ME, but all the secretaries got them and Peggy is like, um, I’m not a secretary. Peggy also has the concern of not being taken seriously there and for good reason, because they’re all assholes.

-Joan sees Don in the elevator and alludes to having problems with the new setup, and Don says he’ll try and do something about it and they should do lunch. Don and Joan have had their issues throughout the series, but overall, they respect each other for the most part, although Don is more than fine with getting by on his looks, while Joan is not.

-After Don gets told by Meredith that he has a meeting concerning Miller, and Joan tries to go to Ferg with her problems (which really doesn’t work), Peggy heads back to the office, where Ed is still chillin’ and signing for packages for Peggy, who is getting more pissed. Shoutout to the plaid, another thing I hate, but works for Peggy.

-Don goes to the Miller meeting, where he sees Ted, but he starts to zone out during a pitch that sounds strangely like something he would say. He looks out of the window at an airplane, not listening to the pitch at all, and he gets up to leave. Ted has this smile on his face and it’s almost like Don is on that “I’ma go see about a girl” joint from Good Will Hunting. This isn’t the place for Don….but where should he go?

-Joan gets approached by Ferg, who tells her that Dennis is going to have problems taking orders from a girl because he has a wife and kids, and Joan is getting more flushed with each word. They don’t even hide it at ME, at least at the old place, they were kinda respectful of the women that worked there (the majority of the time) or at least, not outwardly vicious about the sexism. At ME, no fucks are given.

-Don goes to pick up Sally for school, but she already got a ride with a friend, so it’s just Don and Betty, who is probably smiled more in the last two episodes than she did over the second half of the series. She is a little stressed about going back to school and Don starts rubbing her shoulders, and it’s nice to see them getting along and even being, like, more than nice, to each other. It goes back to the first half of Mad Men when it was at its best, and while I know they aren’t gon’ get back together as that would be a disaster, this was nice. He also calls her “Birdy”, which we haven’t heard in a LONG, LONG time. I don’t even think anyone but Don calls her that, and he knows something about having another name (she knows about it, too).

-After Peggy cuts herself spilling coffee in the old office and we see Don driving somewhere, we go to Joan in bed with Richard, and she is hesitant to tell him about what is going on at work. He comes from the business world as well, so I think Joan will take their side and not her, although I think he would choose her.

-Then Don is driving along and Bert is with him in the car, and we learn he is going to see Diana in Racine, Wisconsin. Bert doesn’t think it’s a good idea, which it isn’t, while Don just thinks he’s tired. Nah, bruh. It’s not a good idea. Like Bert said, she doesn’t care about you. Maybe she does, just too much. Either way, it’s toxic.

-Peggy is STILL at the old office, rockin’ some orange that is just fantastic, when she hears a noise as she thinks she is by herself. But she finds Roger, playing an organ and he is struggling to let go of this place. Remember, he was talking about legacy in “Time & Life” and even though he has Joan’s son (which I still don’t know if he knows Kevin is his), this company has been his legacy and it is getting swallowed whole. All the booze is gone, so he wants Peggy to go and get him some, but instead, they have vermouth, which tastes awful.

-Joan gets chocolates from Ferg, who had more or less asked her to go on a “business trip” earlier and he tells her to pick a weekend, so yeah, this is basically going from bad to worse for her. Jim stops by Don’s office and asks Meredith where he is, and she says he is gone to take Sally to school, but he asks if he is on a bender. Meredith is getting a bad feeling about this place, and she genuinely cares about Don. She has grown on me a lot over the last couple of episodes.

-While Don arrives in Racine, Roger is going through his stuff and gives Peggy a painting of an octopus pleasuring a lady that belonged to Bert, and Peggy says they won’t take her seriously, which is a running theme at this point. Peggy also wants to get to ME, but her stuff isn’t there yet and she was supposed to be there anyway, so she needs to sit down and have another drink. Besides, Roger isn’t letting her leave and he has to get this out, and besides, we haven’t gotten much Peggy and Roger in a while. This was my favorite scene in the episode as Roger shows he is apprehensive to try something new, but he just needs a push. Peggy tries to front like she didn’t have a good time at SC&P, because while it has been a pain in the ass, she admits that she has had a ball.

-Don goes into liar mode, pretending to be doing research for Miller and he has a gift for this woman who is at Diana’s last address. He gets invited into the house and a little girl, who says she is Diana’s daughter, says that she should get whatever Diana won, which is right, except that it is a fridge full of beer. The lady says that her husband, who will be home soon, and he knows something about Diana. Oh Don, you know this won’t end well, right?

-Joan walks into Jim’s office to discuss how she is being treated, and Jim is the worst of the bunch, telling Joan to basically kick rocks. She threatens to sue and get the news involved, while he is like, I give newspapers money, b, try again. He offers her 50% of what she is owed to get out, she refuses and they’re at a standstill. Oh Joan, you’re so right, but this isn’t gon’ end well for you, either.

-The woman’s husband gets home and he sees through Don’s story about being a researcher, then he sniffs out his collection agent lie as well. Turns out that Diana was his ex-wife and she leaves a trail of people in her wake like a tornado, and no one can save her. The man replies that he lost a daughter to God, his wife to the Devil and she can’t be saved. But basically, his entire speech could be about Don, who has wrecked a number of lives from the family he built and then got booted out by Betty, then the numerous women he slept with from Rachel Menken to Sylvia, the doctor’s wife. And at this point, Don can’t be saved. Megan tried, but she couldn’t stick it out. But he does say that Jesus can help him, and that doesn’t seem like Don’s steez.

-Second-favorite scene of the episode? Peggy rollerskating around the office while Roger is on the organ. That joint was so gooooooooooooooooooooood. Goddamn, I’ll miss this show.

-While Don is driving back to New York, Roger finally talks to Jim, who basically tells him that all of his old workers ain’t shit, and especially Joan. I love how Jim is like, Don walked out of a meeting on Wednesday and hasn’t been back since, and Roger is like, yeah, he does that.

-Third-favorite scene of the episode? Peggy finally showing up at ME with sunglasses on, a cigarette hanging out of her mouth and her stuff. All that was missing was “Stayin’ Alive” by the Bee Gees. Again, another excellent dress. Peggy balled the fuck out this episode.

-Roger is waiting for Joan and more or less explains to her to take the offer Jim gave her, and the hurt on her face….it wasn’t losing the job that bothered her, but the fact that Roger didn’t stick up for her, and they’ve been through A LOT over seven seasons. My fuckin’ chest was pounding by the end of this episode.

-Don finds a hippy hitchhiker who is going to St. Paul, and Don is like, sure, I’m going that way. Is he even going that way? Does the hitchhiker kill him and take his identity, continuing the story of Don Draper?

After lots of speculation over what will happen by the time Mad Men ends, “Lost Horizon” tells us that there isn’t gon’ be a lot of happiness for anyone at all. Don might be dead by the end of all this, Roger might sell off his part and try something new, Joan, well, she might be in for a legal battle of some sort. The only people I can see happy by the end is Betty, Ted and I dunno if Peggy will be happy, she might settle for content. But all I can hope for is two more episodes of what we’ve seen over the last two weeks, because this is what Mad Men is all about.

Game Of Thrones S05E04 – Sons Of The Harpy

Everyone I know who watched the leaks told me to wait for the fourth episode of Game Of Thrones, titled “Sons Of The Harpy” (the group tryna go at Dany for ending slavery). This was the third show of four on Sunday night for me, so did it hold my attention? Let’s go…..

-We open in the dead of night to Jorah hitting some dude over the head and stealing his boat, which is to take Tyrion to whichever queen you think he is taking him to and the more that I think about it, it has to be Dany, which makes this just hilarious because he was going there anyway and I don’t think this will make Dany change her mind towards him.

-Jaime and Bronn are on a merchant’s ship going to Dorne, and Bronn, for the second time, looks at Jaime sideways when he says he’s going for look for his niece. Niece…riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Bronn knows, everyone knows, and dammit, you’re taking him on a suicide mission, Jaime, tell the damn truth. But Jaime also reveals that he would kill Tyrion if he ever sees him again after Bronn figures out that Jaime set him free and Cersei isn’t happy. Jaime and Tywin were pretty close, so that sounds about right and like Cersei said, Jaime is indirectly responsible for Tywin’s death, which means no one fears the Lannisters anymore.

-Cersei is gettin’ the rundown from her Master of Coin that the Iron Bank is calling for some of the money that the Lannisters owe because the Lannisters always pay their debts, the saying goes. But they don’t have it and Cersei ain’t tryna go to the Tyrells for more of a loan as that gives them more power. So she sends Mace Tyrell to Braavos to try and work out a payment plan, and Meryn Trant is to go and guard him as there aren’t many left in the Small Council at this point. Cersei is basically getting rid of anyone who tries to fight her decisions. Told y’all that Sober Cersei has a plan; whether it’s a good plan or a bad plan remains to be seen, but Sober Cersei at least has a plan.

-Then she heads to see the High Sparrow, who has been promoted to High Septon of the Faith Of The Seven, which is the main religion of Westeros, but hasn’t really been followed a lot in the show. We saw Cersei try to butter up the High Sparrow in the episode named after him, and she continues to lay it on thick, bringing up the history of the Faith Militant, who enforced the rules of the Seven, so basically, a religious vigilante group. The Targaryens got rid of it, but Cersei said she’ll get King Tommen to scrap that law, and that there was a great sinner in their midst, surrounded by gold. Margaery? Herself? There are a few options to look at.

-But hey, why wait for Tommen to get rid of laws? Instead, the Faith Militant (really, it’s just the Sparrows) bumrush the streets and start fuckin’ up sinners in taverns and brothels (once again, not a good place to be in Westeros), and anyone who didn’t preach their religion. It is also Littlefinger’s brothel, so maybe Cersei means Littlefinger is the sinner? Either way, the Faith Militant is not here for playin’ games. Cutting symbols in their foreheads and shit. Meanwhile, Lancel Lannister leads a group to go pick up Loras Tyrell for being gay, I would assume, and well…

-….let’s just say Margaery isn’t happy about it as she confronts Tommen, who was probably like, we fuckin’ again or nah? Margaery knows Cersei had something to do with it, and pushes to get her brother freed, so he goes to Cersei, who is like, I dunno what you’re talkin’ about, I was in here with this wine, bruh, you should go to the High Septon and see what he says. So he takes his Kingsguard to the High Sparrow, but the Faith Militant will not let him pass……THE KING CAN’T GO TO SEE HIM. Tommen realizes quickly that he isn’t about that life, but he has to figure it out because this is really cramping his having of the sex as Margaery storms out and says she’s going to get her grandmother, so we gon’ see Lady Olenna again and that is always good.

-While Tommen was tryna see the High Sparrow, people in the background kept yelling, “bastard” and “abomination”, so yeah, everyone in these streets knows Jaime and Cersei’s business. He was shook like shit.

-Stannis and his wife are watching Jon Snow and Selyse isn’t fond of Jon Snow, calling him a bastard, but Stannis seems to think something is up because it wasn’t Ned Stark’s way to cheat, which is something that hasn’t sat well with me, either, but I can see it happening. Then she degrades their daughter, calling her weak, which is when Melisandre interrupts and Selyse literally cowers and runs away. Melisandre still the reigning Sidechick Of The Year. Then Stannis says he’ll never leave Melisandre behind again, which I didn’t even think was an option.

-Jon Snow is writing letters and Sam is with him, and Sam persuades Jon to write a letter to Roose Bolton because they need men and supplies. Jon, like Sansa, isn’t fuckin’ with the Boltons because of the Red Wedding, but Sam is like, bruh, we need food and men and all that shit, so he reluctantly writes the letter. Sam leaves and in walks Melisandre, who wants Jon to come with them to Winterfell to get revenge on the Boltons, but he thinks she wants him to come and see a vision of some sort. Nah, she tries to use, um, her womanly parts as she opens her robe and runs his hands on her. He looks pretty into it, but Jon, being all honorable and shit, says no, not because of the Night’s Watch, but because he still loves Ygritte. So Melisandre leaves, but she drops a “you know nothing, Jon Snow” as she does and Jon is like, how in the fuck does she know about that? She’ll get him eventually.

-Shireen walks into Stannis’ office and tells him that her mother said she shouldn’t have brought her here, and if Stannis is ashamed of her. Stannis tells her a story of when she was born and he gave her a doll, which she pressed against her cheek, but they burned the doll too late, so that’s how she got greyscale. Everyone wanted Stannis to get rid of her, but he said NOAP and did everything to save her because she was his daughter. So, for all of his faults, of which the biggest is just being born, Stannis might be the best father left in Game Of Thrones and that confuses the hell outta me.

-Sansa goes to the underground tombs where her family is buried, and I don’t think we’ve been down here since Season 1 or 2; I do remember the Stark children being down there. Littlefinger finds her and explains the story of Robert’s Rebellion, which was when Rhaegar Targaryen won a jousting tournament and after beating Ser Barristan Selmy, he went past his own wife and gave flowers to Lyanna, Sansa’s aunt who was already supposed to be Robert Baratheon’s wife. Rhaegar was smitten with Lyanna and tried to take her away, but Robert wasn’t having it and down went the Targaryens. Littlefinger wonders how many people died because of Rhaegar’s choice, while Sansa counters that he got her, then kidnapped and raped her, so she’s obviously worried about her future. Littlefinger tells her that he has to go to King’s Landing because of Cersei’s letter and Sansa doesn’t want to stay there by herself, which is fair, but Littlefinger has a plan that involves Stannis coming to Winterfell soon and beating the Boltons, and since Stannis liked Ned, she would be safe. If Stannis lost, she was married to Ramsey and that would protect her. All I heard was a pimp explaining to his main girl how things are gon’ go. Then he kisses her on the mouth and shit gets creepy, even for Littlefinger.

-After sailing all night, Jaime and Bronn get to Dorne and get some sleep, where Jaime is awakened by Bronn throwing a knife through a snake that was poised to fuck up Jaime’s life. Bronn said it would have been a shit way to die and says he wants to go quietly, because he had an exciting life, but he wants his death to be boring. Bronn got bars, yo. Anyway, they start walking, but they see four men on horses and when hiding is futile, they emerge and try to negotiate. The men want them to put down their swords, but that obviously isn’t happening and the fight is on. Remember, Jaime is MC One-Hand here, so Bronn cuts a horse down to size and tells him to go after that guy while he handles the rest. Jaime is kinda gettin’ his ass kicked, but he stops his enemy’s sword with his steel hand and puts his sword through the dude’s chest. Not bad, but Jaime gotta work on that lefty.

-Ellaria gets her three Sand Snakes together to come up with a plan to avenge Oberyn, and they’re all down. I could have sworn I read there were eight, but they found the man who gave Jaime and Bronn a ride to Dorne, then buried him up to his neck in sand and let scorpions fuck with him before throwing a spear through his head and delivering a speech that was right out of the books, apparently. A few book-readers were a little underwhelmed with how the Sand Snakes were introduced, but I stopped reading “A Feast Of Crows” before that point. And shoutout to Dorne gettin’ in on the opening credits. That snake wrapped around the spear was dope.

-Jorah and Tyrion are sailing around, and after Jorah takes off his gag, Tyrion figures out who he is by the bear sigil (Jorah, House of Mormont), who he is taking him to (Dany, and Tyrion thinks it is as funny as we all do since he was going there anyway), and why (to get in good with Dany because he was exiled for spying on her). Tyrion hits on all accounts, and Jorah hits him in the mouth to shut him up. There’s the Tyrion I know. Also, his first two questions were something along the lines of “who are you?” and “do you have wine?”, and this should be a t-shirt.

-We get to Meereen, where Barristan Selmy tells Dany that the aforementioned Rhaegar (her brother) was an excellent singer who would busk for money and usually give it to the next busker, except for that one time they got drunk and this is a nice contrast to the story that Littlefinger and Sansa went over. Daario comes to tell Dany she has meetings, but Barrister doesn’t go with them; instead, Dany tells him to go and sing a song for her, so he goes to wander the streets. Dany’s first meeting is Hizdarh zo Loraq, who stays tryna get her to re-open the fighting pits and Dany isn’t feelin’ it, but it is cut with scenes of the Sons Of The Harpy entering the city through tunnels and fuckin’ people up, mostly the Unsullied. The camera keeps focusing on one Unsullied and shouldn’t have been surprised to see that it was Grey Worm, since we don’t know any of the other ones by name. We also see the same prostitute that lured that Unsullied into the brothel where we were introduced to the Harpys, so she’ll play a future role. Barristan is walking the streets and realizes that something isn’t right, and he walks in to save Grey Worm, and I forgot how busy Barristan got because we haven’t seen him fight in…..I’m not sure if we ever have on the show because Joffrey dismissed him from the Kingsguard in Season 1 after Robert died. Also, Jaime was Barristan’s squire, so there is that. Anyway, Barristan comes through, kickin’ ass, before he is finally stopped by a Harpy, who is about to deliver the finishing blow, but the wounded Grey Worm throws a sword through his back. He collapses by Barristan, whom I’m pretty sure is dead. This is the turning point for Ms. Danaerys Targaryen.

It wasn’t the most exciting episode of Game Of Thrones and Dany is probably at the center of it all as she tends to be, as she’ll be getting the Jorah/Tyrion situation soon (where the hell is Varys?), along with everything happening in Meereen. Let’s see if Cersei’s Hitmen of the Gods cause any more shit, and what does she want with Littlefinger? Has Arya done anything besides sweep and wash dead bodies? Will Jon fall into the clutches of the reigning Sidechick Of The Year? Next week is the halfway point in Season 5, and that is when I think shit will REALLY pop off and hey, a “bad” episode of Game Of Thrones is still pretty damn good.