Everyone I know who watched the leaks told me to wait for the fourth episode of Game Of Thrones, titled “Sons Of The Harpy” (the group tryna go at Dany for ending slavery). This was the third show of four on Sunday night for me, so did it hold my attention? Let’s go…..
-We open in the dead of night to Jorah hitting some dude over the head and stealing his boat, which is to take Tyrion to whichever queen you think he is taking him to and the more that I think about it, it has to be Dany, which makes this just hilarious because he was going there anyway and I don’t think this will make Dany change her mind towards him.
-Jaime and Bronn are on a merchant’s ship going to Dorne, and Bronn, for the second time, looks at Jaime sideways when he says he’s going for look for his niece. Niece…riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Bronn knows, everyone knows, and dammit, you’re taking him on a suicide mission, Jaime, tell the damn truth. But Jaime also reveals that he would kill Tyrion if he ever sees him again after Bronn figures out that Jaime set him free and Cersei isn’t happy. Jaime and Tywin were pretty close, so that sounds about right and like Cersei said, Jaime is indirectly responsible for Tywin’s death, which means no one fears the Lannisters anymore.
-Cersei is gettin’ the rundown from her Master of Coin that the Iron Bank is calling for some of the money that the Lannisters owe because the Lannisters always pay their debts, the saying goes. But they don’t have it and Cersei ain’t tryna go to the Tyrells for more of a loan as that gives them more power. So she sends Mace Tyrell to Braavos to try and work out a payment plan, and Meryn Trant is to go and guard him as there aren’t many left in the Small Council at this point. Cersei is basically getting rid of anyone who tries to fight her decisions. Told y’all that Sober Cersei has a plan; whether it’s a good plan or a bad plan remains to be seen, but Sober Cersei at least has a plan.
-Then she heads to see the High Sparrow, who has been promoted to High Septon of the Faith Of The Seven, which is the main religion of Westeros, but hasn’t really been followed a lot in the show. We saw Cersei try to butter up the High Sparrow in the episode named after him, and she continues to lay it on thick, bringing up the history of the Faith Militant, who enforced the rules of the Seven, so basically, a religious vigilante group. The Targaryens got rid of it, but Cersei said she’ll get King Tommen to scrap that law, and that there was a great sinner in their midst, surrounded by gold. Margaery? Herself? There are a few options to look at.
-But hey, why wait for Tommen to get rid of laws? Instead, the Faith Militant (really, it’s just the Sparrows) bumrush the streets and start fuckin’ up sinners in taverns and brothels (once again, not a good place to be in Westeros), and anyone who didn’t preach their religion. It is also Littlefinger’s brothel, so maybe Cersei means Littlefinger is the sinner? Either way, the Faith Militant is not here for playin’ games. Cutting symbols in their foreheads and shit. Meanwhile, Lancel Lannister leads a group to go pick up Loras Tyrell for being gay, I would assume, and well…
-….let’s just say Margaery isn’t happy about it as she confronts Tommen, who was probably like, we fuckin’ again or nah? Margaery knows Cersei had something to do with it, and pushes to get her brother freed, so he goes to Cersei, who is like, I dunno what you’re talkin’ about, I was in here with this wine, bruh, you should go to the High Septon and see what he says. So he takes his Kingsguard to the High Sparrow, but the Faith Militant will not let him pass……THE KING CAN’T GO TO SEE HIM. Tommen realizes quickly that he isn’t about that life, but he has to figure it out because this is really cramping his having of the sex as Margaery storms out and says she’s going to get her grandmother, so we gon’ see Lady Olenna again and that is always good.
-While Tommen was tryna see the High Sparrow, people in the background kept yelling, “bastard” and “abomination”, so yeah, everyone in these streets knows Jaime and Cersei’s business. He was shook like shit.
-Stannis and his wife are watching Jon Snow and Selyse isn’t fond of Jon Snow, calling him a bastard, but Stannis seems to think something is up because it wasn’t Ned Stark’s way to cheat, which is something that hasn’t sat well with me, either, but I can see it happening. Then she degrades their daughter, calling her weak, which is when Melisandre interrupts and Selyse literally cowers and runs away. Melisandre still the reigning Sidechick Of The Year. Then Stannis says he’ll never leave Melisandre behind again, which I didn’t even think was an option.
-Jon Snow is writing letters and Sam is with him, and Sam persuades Jon to write a letter to Roose Bolton because they need men and supplies. Jon, like Sansa, isn’t fuckin’ with the Boltons because of the Red Wedding, but Sam is like, bruh, we need food and men and all that shit, so he reluctantly writes the letter. Sam leaves and in walks Melisandre, who wants Jon to come with them to Winterfell to get revenge on the Boltons, but he thinks she wants him to come and see a vision of some sort. Nah, she tries to use, um, her womanly parts as she opens her robe and runs his hands on her. He looks pretty into it, but Jon, being all honorable and shit, says no, not because of the Night’s Watch, but because he still loves Ygritte. So Melisandre leaves, but she drops a “you know nothing, Jon Snow” as she does and Jon is like, how in the fuck does she know about that? She’ll get him eventually.
-Shireen walks into Stannis’ office and tells him that her mother said she shouldn’t have brought her here, and if Stannis is ashamed of her. Stannis tells her a story of when she was born and he gave her a doll, which she pressed against her cheek, but they burned the doll too late, so that’s how she got greyscale. Everyone wanted Stannis to get rid of her, but he said NOAP and did everything to save her because she was his daughter. So, for all of his faults, of which the biggest is just being born, Stannis might be the best father left in Game Of Thrones and that confuses the hell outta me.
-Sansa goes to the underground tombs where her family is buried, and I don’t think we’ve been down here since Season 1 or 2; I do remember the Stark children being down there. Littlefinger finds her and explains the story of Robert’s Rebellion, which was when Rhaegar Targaryen won a jousting tournament and after beating Ser Barristan Selmy, he went past his own wife and gave flowers to Lyanna, Sansa’s aunt who was already supposed to be Robert Baratheon’s wife. Rhaegar was smitten with Lyanna and tried to take her away, but Robert wasn’t having it and down went the Targaryens. Littlefinger wonders how many people died because of Rhaegar’s choice, while Sansa counters that he got her, then kidnapped and raped her, so she’s obviously worried about her future. Littlefinger tells her that he has to go to King’s Landing because of Cersei’s letter and Sansa doesn’t want to stay there by herself, which is fair, but Littlefinger has a plan that involves Stannis coming to Winterfell soon and beating the Boltons, and since Stannis liked Ned, she would be safe. If Stannis lost, she was married to Ramsey and that would protect her. All I heard was a pimp explaining to his main girl how things are gon’ go. Then he kisses her on the mouth and shit gets creepy, even for Littlefinger.
-After sailing all night, Jaime and Bronn get to Dorne and get some sleep, where Jaime is awakened by Bronn throwing a knife through a snake that was poised to fuck up Jaime’s life. Bronn said it would have been a shit way to die and says he wants to go quietly, because he had an exciting life, but he wants his death to be boring. Bronn got bars, yo. Anyway, they start walking, but they see four men on horses and when hiding is futile, they emerge and try to negotiate. The men want them to put down their swords, but that obviously isn’t happening and the fight is on. Remember, Jaime is MC One-Hand here, so Bronn cuts a horse down to size and tells him to go after that guy while he handles the rest. Jaime is kinda gettin’ his ass kicked, but he stops his enemy’s sword with his steel hand and puts his sword through the dude’s chest. Not bad, but Jaime gotta work on that lefty.
-Ellaria gets her three Sand Snakes together to come up with a plan to avenge Oberyn, and they’re all down. I could have sworn I read there were eight, but they found the man who gave Jaime and Bronn a ride to Dorne, then buried him up to his neck in sand and let scorpions fuck with him before throwing a spear through his head and delivering a speech that was right out of the books, apparently. A few book-readers were a little underwhelmed with how the Sand Snakes were introduced, but I stopped reading “A Feast Of Crows” before that point. And shoutout to Dorne gettin’ in on the opening credits. That snake wrapped around the spear was dope.
-Jorah and Tyrion are sailing around, and after Jorah takes off his gag, Tyrion figures out who he is by the bear sigil (Jorah, House of Mormont), who he is taking him to (Dany, and Tyrion thinks it is as funny as we all do since he was going there anyway), and why (to get in good with Dany because he was exiled for spying on her). Tyrion hits on all accounts, and Jorah hits him in the mouth to shut him up. There’s the Tyrion I know. Also, his first two questions were something along the lines of “who are you?” and “do you have wine?”, and this should be a t-shirt.
-We get to Meereen, where Barristan Selmy tells Dany that the aforementioned Rhaegar (her brother) was an excellent singer who would busk for money and usually give it to the next busker, except for that one time they got drunk and this is a nice contrast to the story that Littlefinger and Sansa went over. Daario comes to tell Dany she has meetings, but Barrister doesn’t go with them; instead, Dany tells him to go and sing a song for her, so he goes to wander the streets. Dany’s first meeting is Hizdarh zo Loraq, who stays tryna get her to re-open the fighting pits and Dany isn’t feelin’ it, but it is cut with scenes of the Sons Of The Harpy entering the city through tunnels and fuckin’ people up, mostly the Unsullied. The camera keeps focusing on one Unsullied and shouldn’t have been surprised to see that it was Grey Worm, since we don’t know any of the other ones by name. We also see the same prostitute that lured that Unsullied into the brothel where we were introduced to the Harpys, so she’ll play a future role. Barristan is walking the streets and realizes that something isn’t right, and he walks in to save Grey Worm, and I forgot how busy Barristan got because we haven’t seen him fight in…..I’m not sure if we ever have on the show because Joffrey dismissed him from the Kingsguard in Season 1 after Robert died. Also, Jaime was Barristan’s squire, so there is that. Anyway, Barristan comes through, kickin’ ass, before he is finally stopped by a Harpy, who is about to deliver the finishing blow, but the wounded Grey Worm throws a sword through his back. He collapses by Barristan, whom I’m pretty sure is dead. This is the turning point for Ms. Danaerys Targaryen.
It wasn’t the most exciting episode of Game Of Thrones and Dany is probably at the center of it all as she tends to be, as she’ll be getting the Jorah/Tyrion situation soon (where the hell is Varys?), along with everything happening in Meereen. Let’s see if Cersei’s Hitmen of the Gods cause any more shit, and what does she want with Littlefinger? Has Arya done anything besides sweep and wash dead bodies? Will Jon fall into the clutches of the reigning Sidechick Of The Year? Next week is the halfway point in Season 5, and that is when I think shit will REALLY pop off and hey, a “bad” episode of Game Of Thrones is still pretty damn good.