We’re at the halfway point of Season 5 for Game Of Thrones, and while it has been a very good season, it has been maybe a little down by its standards. “Kill The Boy” did hit on a few things, but it also whiffed on a couple. Honestly, I think it’s just because I’m caught up in the final run of Mad Men, but I mean, it’s still Dem Thrones and their “okay” episodes still do a lot. Let’s go…
-We open with Missandei sitting with Grey Worm, who is still alive after coming out on the wrong end of the Sons Of The Harpy massacre, but we can’t say the same for Ser Barristan the Bold as Dany and Daario stand over the slain Selmy as Loraq offers his condolences. Dany gives a nod to the book-readers who were mad that Barristan didn’t get enough shine for being a great fighter in the past, yet he died in an alley by some bum-ass dudes with masks. I get why they’re mad, but you can’t fit everything into the show. You just can’t. We’d get 20-episode seasons, which I would be okay with, but I’m realistic. Anyway, Daario suggests setting up a base, but Dany is like, bring me the leaders of the families, like Loraq, who knows how this is going down.
-Next, we’re in the basement and you can hear the clinking of chains that are holding some very pissed-off dragons. Dany gives a speech about not giving up on her children and basically, she was just disciplining them and they understand, which they seem to do before setting one of the leaders on fire while tearing him apart at the same time. So, here is the thing: I’ve always said that they wouldn’t hurt Dany and she is their mother, and she ran away. And she was right, but man, this scene came off kinda cheesy to me (although dragons burning stuff is badass anyway). I’ll buy it this time because it’s Dany and I fucks with her, but the execution? Meh. But I do agree with what her electoral platform would be: I got dragons…bow down, bitches.
-Also, if you don’t think this episode wasn’t saved specifically for Mother’s Day, you’re crazy.
-Sam is reading a letter to Maester Aemon, who is worried about Dany being alone without family, which is fitting because well, he is her great-uncle. Jon Snow enters to ask for his advice about the wildlings, but he doesn’t even get a chance to ask him because Aemon doesn’t want to know and it doesn’t matter: this is Jon’s decision and he repeats to him to “kill the boy”, and that winter is almost upon them (dammit, it’s coming, we know). Now I thought he was talking about Ollie, who killed Ygritte, but my homegirl Jamie put forth that he was telling Jon to kill the boy inside him and that this is a man’s decision, more or less. That sounds much better, but it’s not like Game Of Thrones is above killing children.
-Jon meets with Tormund to try and broker peace; he goes to get the rest of the wildlings and bring them south of The Wall, if they help fight the White Walkers when they eventually come. Like Mance Rayder, Tormund is stubborn and says they won’t do it, but Jon calls him a coward and Tormund is like, easy to say when I’m in chains. Jon strolls over and undoes the chains and looks him in his eyes like, YEAH I SAID IT AND WHAT. That gets Jon some respect from Tormund and I mean, come on, Jon killed that big-ass Thenn last season. But Tormund has a request of his own: they need ships for the people and Jon has to come with him. Jon says he’ll talk to Stannis and figure shit out. Jon better bring a crew with him.
-Jon brings this up at his next meeting and no one is really down for the cause, except Sam, of course. Even Alliser’s bitch ass has something to say because he doesn’t know how close he was to being sent away somewhere, or even killed. Anyway, Jon says fuck y’all and this is how it’s goin’ down. Back in his quarters, Ollie enters and Jon persuades him to speak freely about his decision. He is obviously pissed because the wildlings and Thenns teamed up to destroy his village, including his parents, but Jon is like, nah b, winter is coming and we got these White Walkers to deal with, so we need people. Ollie ain’t tryna hear it and hey, maybe he DOES need to die.
-Pod da Gawd and Brienne are in an inn somewhere around Winterfell and Brienne is so adamant that Sansa needs her help, which she might, but Brienne ain’t sneaking in. So she gives a letter to a servant, who is shocked that there is a Stark left in the world, and she is right here. That’s a big assumption by Brienne to believe this person will get that note to Sansa and not to the Boltons. Also, I don’t know if it’s just me, but I swear we’ve seen that servant before, which is why I’m worried that was the wrong thing to do by Brienne.
-We get naked Myranda, who was last seen plottin’ on Sansa, and Ramsey, who listens to her be jealous of his wedding to Sansa, but he doesn’t care and says that he is marrying Sansa while continuing to own her, because he’s a charming fella. She says she’ll marry someone and he’s like, if you don’t go the fuck on…..then she tries to hit him and that obviously doesn’t go well for her, but Ramsey likes this shit and slides it in, while also threatening to kill her in a roundabout way. Why did I think he wouldn’t hurt Sansa again?
-Speak of the devil, Sansa gets a message from a woman that says she still has people that will roll with her in the North, and if she needs help, take a candle to the Broken Tower. Sansa goes to visit the tower, the same tower where Bran was pushed out of by Jaime to kick this whole thing off, and she is met by Myranda, who tries to befriend her, but comes off as creepy, of course. Myranda takes Sansa to the kennels, where we hear a bunch of dogs barking at Sansa, but in the last cage, we have Theon/Reek, and she is floored. She says his name and he is like, NOAP and tells her she shouldn’t be here. Sansa is FURIOUS.
-Ramsey confronts Theon/Reek about his meeting with Sansa, but shit, it wasn’t even his fault! He looks and acts like he is about to punish dude because he’s fucking Ramsey Bolton, but he forgives him, so you know something worse is coming.
-Ramsey is at dinner with Sansa, his father and Walda Frey, Roose’s new wife (from the “Red Wedding” fallout), and while he seemed cool at first, he brings out Theon/Reek, making it awkward for everyone, especially when he makes him apologize to Sansa for “killing” Bran and Rickon. He manages to spit it out while Sansa looks disgusted and is like, shit, first, Joffrey, now this? Ramsey then suggests that Theon/Reek give Sansa away at the wedding and Roose goes along with it, but I feel this will turn on them with the quickness, so I’m okay with it. But Ramsey’s partyin’ was brought to a screeching halt when Roose announces that Walda is pregnant, which jeopardizes Ramsey’s spot in line for power and Sansa came THISCLOSE and giving Ramsey the “DX SUCK IT” in his face. She hit that little smirk and it was good.
-Ramsey goes to his pops to see what’s up and Roose tells the story of Ramsey’s birth. Roose raped someone’s wife (after hanging him, of course) and next thing you know, Ramsey was on his doorstep. There were no DNA tests, so Roose was like, NAH, and was about to hang the woman, but he looked at Ramsey and was like, shit, he looks just like me, crazy as shit. Then he tells Ramsey that Stannis has an army and wants the Iron Throne, but he has to go through Winterfell to get to King’s Landing and he needs Ramsey’s help to stop him. Ramsey is always down for a fight, while Roose is like, well, he ain’t thinking about that shit anymore.
-Sam and Gilly are talking in the library when in walks Stannis, who asks to speak to Sam. He knows who Sam’s father was (defeated his brother Robert in his only loss) and he’s surprised that Sam looks the way he does, but hey, he killed a White Walker with a dagger made of dragonglass. Stannis orders Sam to keep researching why dragonglass kills White Walkers. Stannis is starting to come around with me. He seems to be militarily sound and dammit, a good father.
-Stannis then tells Davos that they’re leaving for Winterfell the next morning and while Davos protests that they should wait for Jon and his reinforcements, Stannis wants to surprise the Boltons, and he wants Shireen and his wife to come with them because The Wall is full of criminals. So you want them to go to a battle? Really, it’s pick your poison for Stannis.
-Selyse stops Shireen from talking to Davos, then shoots a dirty look as she tries to say goodbye to Gilly and Sam. I hope Selyse dies outchea in these streets. Lowkey, she has become one of the most vile characters on Game Of Thrones, and that’s saying something. Meanwhile, Jon goes to see Stannis off and thanks him for the ships and Stannis is like, I need them shits back. They roll out and he gets a “fuck me” look from Melisandre, but I think that’s just the way she looks at everyone.
-Grey Worm wakes up to Missandei, and he finds out that Barristan is dead, which makes him feel like a failure. He also says he was afraid and the Unsullied aren’t afraid, but he was scared that he would never see Missandei again, to which she kisses him. Sure. There has to be a point to this love story, right? One of them won’t make it.
-Dany asks Missandei what her opinion of the fighting-pits dilemma is, and eventually Missandei tells her that she has seen Dany make decisions based on her counsel’s advice, but she is also capable of making her own decisions, so really, Missandei didn’t tell her anything. Somewhere, Dany formulates a plan and goes to the cell where Loraq is being held, tells him that they’ll re-open the pits, but only for free people. He also learns that Dany is going to marry the head of an ancient family to forge a bond with the people of Meereen, and it’s probably gon’ be Loraq, who has to have Big Pun’s “You Came Up” blasting in his head. Even if it’s just for show, he won…..for now.
-Tyrion is tryna be friends with Jorah so he doesn’t catch a backhand again, and he figures out that they’re cutting to Meereen through Old Valyria, which is where Dany’s bloodline comes from. Tyrion is a bit worried, but he wants to see the ruins of this once-great civilization, and I think he’s kind of impressed that Jorah would go through this sort of trouble to get Dany something from here. The shot of them sailing up to the entrance of the ruins is just wonderful, eerie and misty, and then we see Drogon flying overhead….so that’s where he has been hiding. Tyrion has heard of the dragons, but he has never seen one himself, while Jorah is like, yeah dude, shit is real, although the last time he saw Drogon, he wasn’t this big. But in the background, you see something jump into the water and they get jumped by the Stone Men, who are infected with greyscale so bad that they were sent to Old Valyria to live out their days, and they can give it to you by touching your skin as we learned from Stannis in “Sons Of The Harpy“. A fight ensues and Jorah keeps Tyrion (who is screaming for Jorah to untie his hands, but he is a little busy) and he succeeds until Tyrion jumps overboard to escape one, but another Stone Man grabs him and pulls him under the water. After a short period of time, Jorah is waking Tyrion up and the two are on a beach, where they decide to chill for the night and rest as they have to start walking around Slaver’s Bay. However, Jorah turns away from Tyrion and pulls up his sleeve to reveal that he was indeed touched by a Stone Man, which makes sense because he fought off like, 5-6 guys.
Overall, this wasn’t my favorite episode of Game Of Thrones, but it was necessary. It had a little too much Ramsey and the Boltons for my liking, but we see why Myranda is eventually gon’ go nuts on someone, probably Sansa. The Missandei/Grey Worm thing didn’t need to happen (even though I like both of them), nor did the 1-2 minutes that Sam and Gilly were alone (and again, I fucks with them). I don’t even know what the hell Dany is doing, but it doesn’t matter now, because she has dragons (and I think Drogon senses that all is good with Moms and his brothers, so he was on his way back to Meereen when Jorah and Tyrion saw him). And of course, the end was badass and Jorah got dat ‘scale.
We all know that Game Of Thrones has another gear or two, we’re just waiting for it to get there.