The Walking Dead hit the midway point of Season 6 with “Start To Finish”, and they’re usually pretty solid when it comes to finales. While this one wasn’t great in terms of technical aspects, after a couple of dour episodes, they went into the break with hilarity. I doubt that was their goal, but this might have been the funniest episode I’ve seen of anything this season. Let’s go…..
-We open upstairs at Jessie’s house, and we see little creepy Sam leaving an empty plate outside his door because remember, he won’t come outside. He is drawing a picture of a boy tied to a tree with what appears to be walkers on either side of him, because he’s a shitty artist. This is a call back to last season when Carol told him that she would tie him to a tree and let the monsters get him if he told anyone that she was in the armory, I believe. All he wanted was some cookies and now he’s scarred for life, which is hilarious. Then we go to ants coming through his window and converging on a cookie that he hasn’t eaten, which I actually liked a lot because it signifies the walkers coming through the walls at Alexandria. Some fake-deep shit, but but it gets the point across.
-The first segment starts with the tower falling and the walkers starting to come through, and it is basically a look at everyone trying to get away. Ron is about to shoot Carl, but realizes they have bigger problems. Rick is yelling at everyone, which is no surprise. Deanna steps up to help Rick because she has her second wind now. Morgan and Carol are running away and in a very unlike-Carol thing, she trips over nothing like Blond White Girl #2 in a horror movie. Morgan helps her up as they get back to his place, while Deanna also falls, but Rick saves her. Maggie also can’t stand up and shoutout to Holly for texting me, “My favorite part is when the walkers first broke through, and everyone from the original crew was falling down like weeble wobbles”. But Maggie shoots her way to a ladder and of course, she gets away. She also looks up in the sky and sees Glenn’s balloons again.
-Eugene is hiding around the corner and he hears Daryl say “hello” on Rick’s dropped radio, but he is standing there with a machete and freezes when approached by walkers, and has to get saved by Rosita and Tara, and they run into a garage. I know Eugene is a punk, but at this point, bruh? COME ON. SACK UP. After lying about being a scientist, the least you can do is not be a bitch. He’s fighting with Father Bitchass and Ron for the top spot on my “Mufuckas Gotta Die” list. Meanwhile, Rick, Deanna, Jessie, Michonne, Father Bitchass, Carl and Ron run into Jessie’s house, and shoutout to Deanna pointing out walkers to Rick like a running back pointing out blockers to his offensive line. COMICAL.
-Glenn and Enid are watching the walkers invade Alexandria, and Glenn is tryna think of a way to get in to help, but Enid is being sour as she tends to do. She says some bullshit about letting the world die and Glenn is like, fuck all that. Glenn is starting to get a little annoying, and it’s not even his fault. Like Maggie, he is the victim of shitty writing, which is terrible because I really like both of them. Oh well, I guess.
-Sam opens his door to see everything happening, as Rick takes a bleeding Deanna into a room so they can assess the situation, and everything is chaotic. Jessie sees a traumatized Sam and tells him to pretend to be brave. So what does Sam do? He closes the door and man, let me tell you something: I laughed for like 15 minutes straight. All I pictured was the Homer Simpson GIF where he backs into the bushes. I had to pause and rewind I was laughing so hard. I’m laughing about it again. That might be the single-funniest thing I’ve seen on TV all year. Shit. I got tears in my eyes again.
-Morgan and Carol are hangin’ out and he thinks she is concussed, but Carol ain’t tryna hear it. Denise is downstairs with Morgan’s Wolf friend, who Holly said looked like Skeet Ulrich on a meth binge (and she’s not wrong). He is tryna convince her to untie him, but Denise ain’t fallin’ for it. She’s gon’ get killed, b. This seems like one of the worst plans in the history of The Walking Dead, a show well-known for terrible plans. He shows her his wound and she takes out an IV. Because he deserves to use up their medicine.
-Speaking of wounds, we see Deanna’s and Michonne realizes that she has been bitten, which happened when she fell earlier. The camera pans around at Rick and then to Deanna, who says, “Well……..shit”. Perfect. This has to be a top-three most humorous TWD episode of all time.
-Rick’s new plan is to get to the armory to get some flares so he can draw the walkers away, and Jessie is like, whatever you think, bruh. Meanwhile, Michonne is with Deanna and tells her that she thinks her Alexandria expansion will work, but Deanna is more interested in asking Michonne what she really wants out of life. I tuned out at some point because Deanna about to die and I don’t care.
-Now here we go: Carl goes to the garage, where Ron is being all sad and thinking they’re gon’ die and Enid is dead and that Rick is a killer and gets people killed, including his father. Carl replies with, aye, your dad also killed someone, and Ron is like, touche. Didn’t think that through, did you, fuckboy? Anyway, he pulls out his gun and Carl is like, if you pull it out, you better use it, and the two get to fighting. Ron swings a shovel at Carl and breaks a window, which draws walkers to the house. Rick and Jessie run down and Rick breaks down the door to save the boys, and he asks Carl what’s up; Carl lies and said they were making noise tryna keep the walkers away, and Rick is like, WHY YOU LYIN’, BRUH. Ron stutters and is like, uh, yeah, that’s what happened, and goes upstairs.
-Carl runs up on Ron like, the fuck are you doin’ and pulls the gun on him, and Ron tries to apologize, but Carl is like, yeah I know, bitch, gimme your fuckin’ gun. He gets Ron’s gun and says, look, I know my dad killed your dad and you’re salty, but your dad was an asshole, and again, the laughs start rollin’. On the low, Carl’s come-up from being an annoying kid to a teenager who knows what’s up in the zombie apocalypse has been pretty good. I know we all hated him as a kid. Shoutout to Chandler Riggs. Now we just need Enid to make a man out of him and we’re good.
–Fear The Walking Dead: Flight 462. Ol’ boy is dead on the ground and the U.S.Marshal won’t let the Asian lady who be knowin’ get close to him. He is dead…..and he reanimates with those eyes. YUP. That was more dramatic than any single thing in this episode.
-Judith starts crying upstairs as the crew surveys the scene outside, because you should leave a baby alone at times like these. Rick goes upstairs and sees Deanna kneeling over Judith, and he thinks she’s gone full zombie on her, and is really ready to chop her head off before Deanna is like, AYE YO I’M NOT A ZOMBIE YET SHIT DON’T KILL ME. Again, more comedy. He takes Deanna back to her room, and she gives him notes for Spencer and Maggie, and asks Rick to watch Spencer like he is one of his people. Then she tells him that they’re all his people, which was the right answer to her question last week about why he saved Spencer. Man, these BEEN Rick’s people, they just don’t know it yet.
-Eugene, Tara and Rosita are still in their garage, tryna think about what they can do since there are a thousand walkers out there. Eugene is reading a history book, but he has a paper clip or something, which he can use to pick the lock to get out of the garage and into the house. Good for you. You can pick locks. Useless motherfucker.
-The lock he is picking is to get into Morgan’s, where he is tryna convince Carol that the Wolf doesn’t need to die and Carol ain’t buying it. Meanwhile, walkers are really putting the boots to Jessie’s place and cause the group to run upstairs, where the walkers are stopped on the steps by a couch. Sure, why not?
-Carol goes downstairs and tells Denise to get away from the Wolf, holding a knife to her, and Morgan gets in the middle of it. At Jessie’s, Rick realizes that they have to get outta there. I don’t know where they managed to get walkers from, but they come up with the plan to drench themselves in walker guts so they can get out of the house, and Father Bitchass, Jessie and Ron are like, mufucka what? But Rick and Michonne are like, we’ve done it before and really, what other choice do they have?
-Seriously though……where did they get those walkers?
-Morgan and Carol are arguing about what needs to be done and they get to fighting, and Carol, God love her, is keeping up with Morgan….until he powerslams her and that is the end of that. But then the Wolf has gotten free, and knocks Morgan out with his own damn staff, of course. Back at Jessie’s, Michonne tells Deanna that she will kill her before she turns and Deanna is like, nah, I got a gun, I’ll do it when I’m ready. She’s lookin’ mighty deathly anyway. Jessie is tryna convince Sam that this is the move and he isn’t getting it, but eventually says he’ll pretend and he is about to get at least two people killed. Goddamn, Carol fucked his head up hahahahahaha
-The crew get ready to head out, and Father Bitchass tries to persuade Rick that he’s ready for this and back out, and Rick is like, whatever man, I hope you die anyway.
-Denise pleads with the Wolf not to kill Morgan and Carol, but then Tara, Eugene and Rosita run up on them and the Wolf takes Denise hostage before they just wander outside…..do they not know that there are thousands of walkers out there? Whatever, man. Whatever.
-Rick gives Judith to Carl, who puts her under his guts-soaked poncho and the crew heads out into the herd, holding hands. Meanwhile, Glenn climbs a tree and sees Maggie. Deanna is about to kill herself, but decides to go out into the herd, where she thinks she’ll die in a blaze of glory. However, we don’t see it, but I bet they ate the shit outta her.
-After the credits, which I didn’t see until yesterday, we see Sasha, Abe and Daryl driving a truck down the road, and they’re stopped by some dudes with guns on motorcycles. I missed the part where they even got back together, but man, there’s a lot of fuckery going on in this show. Anyway, the bikers tell them give up all their shit and Daryl asks why, and the main biker says that all their shit belongs to Negan now. I stopped reading the comics before he came around, so don’t tell me who he is because I don’t care and I’ll figure it out when it comes back in February; Valentine’s Day, to be exact. And I heard that some comic readers are mad about how they introduced Negan, it’s different from the comics. If you haven’t figured out that the show is different from the comics after 5 1/2 seasons, I don’t know what to tell ya, bruh. Why are you even still watching?
Season 6 of The Walking Dead started out with a bang, and then kinda went downhill for the final three episodes: this joint, the Daryl/Sasha/Abe joint and Glenn’s return. I get what they were tryna do with this episode, but the execution was terrible and it turned out to be absolutely hilarious, which is something. But now we have to wait until February to see how Glenn gets back to Maggie, how many people Sam gets killed, who or what Negan is (again, don’t tell me), and how the Wolf and Denise get through this herd of walkers without getting killed. If nothing else, The Walking Dead is entertaining, and I’ve always said that. It’s just not very good a lot of the time, and that’s fine.