Monthly Archives: January 2016

The X-Files Miniseries – Eps. 1 & 2

The X-Files debuted in 1993, when I was 13 years old. I wasn’t really out runnin’ the streets like that, so on Friday nights, there I was, posted up with Moms, watching these FBI agents tryna find out the truth about aliens, and coming across some of the strangest cases any cop has ever seen. For me, the show was really the first five seasons and could have ended after the first feature film, Fight The Future, which was incredible in the way that it handed the alien-mythology storyline. I’ll never forget Mulder and Scully runnin’ through that field after they were chased by bees, and Mulder tracking Scully down all the way to Antarctica, where he discovered that humans were basically alien incubators, and it was the first time that Scully saw a spaceship; she had to believe it now, after being brought onto the X-Files to debunk Mulder’s crackpot theories. I don’t really remember much after Fight The Future, though; Duchovny was in and out of the series, while Anderson’s role got downsized, and if I were pressed, without Wikipedia, I have no idea how it ended. But the first five seasons and the first movie; that’s enough to put in my top five of all time.

This whole reboot thing really kicked off when Gillian Anderson made an appearance on the Nerdist Podcast, and she and Chris Hardwick told fans to tweet to Fox if they wanted to see it again. Yada yada yada, and shit spread like wildfire, and if I’m not mistaken, Fox had already brought back 24 for a miniseries. Anderson has been busy since the show went off the air; she was in Hannibal and I think she is brilliant in The Fall, a BBC series in which she plays……a detective. David Duchovny was great in Californication, and he has a show out now, called Aquarius, in which he plays……a detective. It was only right that they get the gang back together for a limited-run series.

The recaps are changing a little, because the scene-by-scene joints are starting to take too much time, and to keep it 100, a brotha doesn’t have that much time. Hell, I wasn’t even gonna do it. But I heard the theme music in the premiere, “My Struggle”, and I felt like I was 13 again. Let’s go……..

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-The episode started with Fox Mulder basically recapping the series, and the rushed cadence that sounded like he’s just tryna get everything out of his head before he goes crazy was such a sound for sore ears. It was ripe with paranoia and sounded absolutely insane, which it would be if you hadn’t seen it yourself. He reunites with Dana Scully, and Anderson hasn’t forgotten that look that made the character; staring at Mulder like, “you’re fucking crazy….but you’re probably right”. I could really just spend 5,000 words on how happy I was to see Mulder and Scully together again. And Duchonvy and Anderson slipped right back into it like the show didn’t end in 2002.

-They meet with Tad O’Malley, who is played by Joel McHale of Community, and it works because he looks and sounds like a Tad; a water-polo playin’ mufucka that got in trouble in college, but his dad was rich, so he beat the case. But Tad has found Sveta, who has had fetuses stolen by aliens, and he also has built a spaceship from alien technology. The best part of this is when Scully is taking blood from Sveta, who can read minds, and Scully doesn’t believe it until Sveta starts talking about her relationship with Mulder, including their child, William, who I completely forgot about. The romantic tension between Mulder and Scully over the first part of the series was a major driving factor, but then they got together and it got kinda meh. But you can tell that Scully still cares for him and always will, even though Mulder looks kinda homeless and could probably use some exercise.

-Sveta reveals that it wasn’t aliens that took her babies, but it was men, and Mulder meets with a doctor that we see in flashbacks that are peppered throughout the episodes of the infamous crash at Roswell, and you can tell that creator Chris Carter is taking full advantage of the money and technology that he didn’t have when the show was first on. That doctor doesn’t tell Mulder what the truth actually is, but that he is close. Yo…..just fuckin’ tell him, b. Shit has literally driven Mulder crazy. You know it…..just tell him…..although I suppose he is afraid of dying, which is what happens to anyone close to Mulder or the truth.

-And wouldn’t you know it…..Tad is going to reveal the truth on his webseries, but Scully (who has already been charmed by Tad) finds out that his website has been shut down, and his spaceship has been blown up. Dudes ran up in there with the quickness, punchin’ scientists in the face and everything. Very efficient. Also, a spaceship lands over Sveta’s car as she is tryna escape and it seemingly blows up with her inside…..seemingly, because it’s The X-Files. Scully meets with Mulder and tells him that she has alien DNA, like Sveta because remember, she got abducted as well.

-At the end of the episode, Mulder and Scully get a call from Skinner, who wants to meet with them. But the kicker is the final scene, where we learn that the X-Files has been reopened from Smoking Man, who is now smoking through his neck. He was supposed to be dead, but nah b, you’re not killin’ Smoking Man. I laughed so hard.

On Monday, we got the second episode, “Founder’s Mutation”, which brought back another old name after Carter wrote and directed the premiere. This was written by James Wong, who was a part of the original series and now works on American Horror Story, which makes sense for how gory this episode was. By the way, I’ll get something on the AHS: Hotel finale out soon. I still haven’t watched it. Life, bruh. Life.

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-Mulder and Scully are now investigating the death of a doctor named Sanjay, who kept hearing high-pitched sounds that drove him to push a letter-opener through his brain, and it was GROSS. Shoutout to Fox giving a fuck-you to family groups who have to be mad that this was airing at what, 8 or 9 PM ET? Also, Sanjay going crazy in his work meeting was pretty good, and his black friend who knew something was going on when Sanjay rolled up to work looking like he hadn’t slept in weeks, which he might not have.

-Mulder steals Sanjay’s phone since Sanjay’s boss won’t give him access to whatever he was working on, and he meets with Sanjay’s lover, who mentioned something about Sanjay’s kids. Mulder and Scully then go to his apartment, where they find pictures of disfigured kids, and then Mulder gets the high-pitched sounds himself when the cops show up. Scully had also found the words, “Founder’s Mutation” written on Sanjay’s hand, and this leads the duo to Dr. Augustus Goldman.

-The FBI told Mulder and Scully that they weren’t working that case anymore and Skinner gave them the business in front of the Department of Defense, which is where Sanjay worked, but if you watched The X-Files, you knew that was some bullshit. Skinner was always there to give Mulder and Scully what they needed, from what I remember anyway.

-They go to Scully’s hospital, where she has also been working on disfigured children, and Goldman is a financial sponsor there. They meet Agnes, a pregnant girl who wants them to take her out of there and she thinks something is wrong with her baby. This sparks Mulder and Scully to think that Goldman is working on pregnant women, and they talk about William, who they’ll both fantasize about at some point during the episode. We gon’ see William before these six episodes are over, dogg. I promise you that.

-While meeting with Goldman, Mulder and Scully realize that these kids are definitely different, and they also learn that Agnes has been hit by a car, but her baby is gone. They talk to Goldman’s wife, who is in an asylum at Goldman’s request because she figured out that he was doing experiments on their children as well. Yoooooo…….we saw her daughter breathing underwater after falling into a pool as a child. Jackie, the wife, jumped in to rescue her and the little girl looked her in the face…..Jackie was like NOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPP and turned right the fuck around. That was pretty good. Then we see Jackie get into a car accident, crawl out and cut her stomach open because she was also hearing the noises, which was her baby’s attempt to communicate with her….and the baby crawled out itself. I assume she tried to explain that to people and they locked her up. It was truly some American Horror Story shit.

-Mulder being Mulder, made some connections and got some video footage of when Sanjay killed himself, and they noticed another man, a janitor that they almost ran over accidentally earlier in the episode. He seemed to be hearing the noises as Sanjay was, and the agents tracked him down to his house. His name is Kyle and they confront his mother, but Mulder starts hearing the noises again and Scully tracks down Kyle, who didn’t mean to kill Sanjay, but he is looking for his sister. They take him to Goldman’s lab and Goldman says that he will take him to meet his sister, Molly, but the first girl is a decoy and Kyle sees through it. He eventually finds Molly and they became psychic Voltron, causing glass to shatter, Mulder and Scully get knocked out and they use their powers to kill Goldman, making him bleed out of his eyes, ears, and really, his whole face. It was gross and so good. The siblings, communicating to each other telepathically, peace out. The episode ends with Mulder fantasizing about William, like Scully was earlier, and William getting abducted.

I honestly can’t tell you how happy these two episodes made me. It had everything: Mulder and Scully bantering, walking through shit with flashlights. Scully telling Mulder her scientific findings from an autopsy and Mulder spinning shit into whatever he wanted to hear. Skinner and Smoking Man. Scully and her smart fashion (they dressed her down like shit in the early seasons). A nice mix of the alien-mythology arc and what was really a stand-alone episode at heart in the second one. The Roswell crash. It had everything. I’m trying my best to not be biased, but The X-Files was the first serial drama I ever watched and really followed, and it holds a special place in my TV heart. I wish it was longer than six episodes, but six episodes is better than no episodes and I’ll be here for all of it.