Game Of Thrones had a lot to live up to after last week’s “Home“, which got a lot of people excited. They had to take their foot off the gas a little after that, but “Oathbreaker” was still a beast of an episode and put a few more pieces on the chess board, including one HUGE piece (or a prelude to the piece). Let’s go……….
-I think I’ma continue the storyline-by-storyline format instead of scene-by-scene. I think it’s easier to follow and it’s easier for me to write. Again, shoutout to the GOT Wikia.
-Let’s start with Dany, who is being led by the Dothraki to Vaes Dothrak, or the House of 1000 Widows. She gets to the temple and the dosh khaleen, who is the queen of the widows, apparently, gets her naked and gives her another robe. Dany comes with her gang of nicknames, AKA Mother of Dragons, AKA Daenerys Stormborn blah blah blah and the dosh khaleen ain’t tryna hear that shit at all. The dosh khaleen tells Dany that she was in her position, and here she is. Now she has to wait until the khalasars figure out what to do with Dany because she bailed on the Dothraki after Drogo died. Meh. It’ll be all fun and games until the dragons come….and the dragons will come. One thing GOT is good at, is not stretching shit out too long and getting down to business, so that should be soon.
-Meanwhile in Meereen, Varys has a little chat with Vala, the prostitute that helped the Sons of the Harpy come in and wreck shop last season. He basically tells her to snitch on who is funding them, or she’ll die, which leaves her son as an orphan. In return, he’ll hook her up with silver and a boat to a new life, so the deal that he tried to give Shae, Tyrion’s (and Tywin) old squeeze. Then he goes to meet Tyrion, who has been tryna engage Grey Worm and Missandei in conversation, but it ain’t workin’. All Grey Worm wants to do is talk about work (we all know someone like that), and Missandei isn’t about that small-talk life, either, nor do they play drinking games, which is what Tyrion really wants to do because he’s a Lannister, although to be fair, we’ve only seen Tyrion and Cersei have a love for the wine.
Varys returns to tell them that the Sons of the Harpy are being funded by Yunkai, Astapor and Volantis; the first two are cities that Dany “freed” (Yunkai is the place where they passed Dany around like she was crowd-surfing and calling her “Mhysa”; Astopor is the place with the slaves nailed to crosses), and Volantis is where Jorah kidnapped Tyrion and took him to Dany. Anyway, they’re all coming together to fight Dany, who isn’t even there anymore, and Grey Worm wants to fight, obviously, but Missandei is against it because Meereen would be vulnerable. Tyrion says they have to think about it, but he asks Varys to send his little birds to send a message to those three cities. Solid scene, especially Tyrion tryna get Grey Worm and Missandei to be normal. They’re so dedicated to the way of life they’re in, it’s not like they’re tryna be assholes to Tyrion; they just don’t know how to shoot the shit, which is basically Tyrion’s life. But yeah, again, like above, it’ll be all fun and games until the dragons come out.
-The aforementioned little birds are actually children, and Qyburn is tryna get him on his side by giving them candy plums in exchange for “whispers”, or information. Cersei walks in with Jaime and FrankenMountain, and she tells Qyburn to get info on everyone who wants to take the Lannisters down, so basically everyone. She wants to know where the mufuckas were that were shaking their dicks at her, and throwing shit at her, the mufuckas that killed her daughter, people in the North that probably weren’t even thinking about her, but they’re gon’ get it, too. This is what I’m here for: the revenge of Cersei. Then they go to the Small Council meeting, and people aren’t happy about the FrankenMountain thing, partly because it’s kinda weird, and partly because they’re all afraid. So of course, Cersei and ’em walk in, and Lady Olenna Tyrell is back in the house, dropping some BARS on Cersei about how she might not know what it means to be the queen because she isn’t married to the king and quite frankly, the Lannisters are about that incest life. I had to pause it after she dropped that because of laughing…..Lady O is the fuckin’ best. Anyway, Lady O wants Margaery and Loras out, while Cersei and Jaime want revenge on the Sparrows, the Sand Snakes, anyone. But the Council, led by Uncle Kevan Lannister, decide to get up and leave. This is not gon’ make Cersei any happier, I’ll tell you that. At least she went in with a little respect before she just starts fuckin’ shit up. Because she WILL fuck shit up.
Then you have Tommen, who tries to bully the High Sparrow into letting Cersei see Myrcella’s final resting place. The High Sparrow says no, she hasn’t atoned fully yet and then proceeds to talk Tommen in circles about some shit that I don’t really care about. All I was thinking was, yo, KILL THIS DUDE. I’ve said this before, but one thing about Joffrey is that all this Sparrow shit would have been over a long time ago. What is this negotiation shit? But I guess it’s to make a distinction between the throne and the faith. I know Cersei won’t be happy when Tommen returns. He is so not built for this. This whole scene was the worst part of the episode. He really needs to go to Varys for some negotiation training, if this is how he’s gon’ go about it.
-Let’s go to Braavos, where Arya is continuing her training, and she’s gettin’ all kinds of fucked up by the Waif, who is asking her questions about her former life, which includes her family, the Hound, her death list, all that. But in true montage fashion (she is also mixing potions blindly), Arya finally gets better and can defend herself, and by the end of it, she even gets to hit the Waif. Jaqen comes in and the Waif goes away, and if I’m Arya, I’m now plotting to fuck her up in her sleep. Like, the worst shit I can think of. Anyway, Jaqen says she’ll have her sight back if she tells him her name and Arya says a girl has no name, which is getting old. Then he tells her to drink a bowl of water, the same shit that Arya has watched kill people, but Jaqen says that if she is no one, she has nothing to fear. She drinks it, the camera zooms in on her face and I’m like, BOOM, eyes…..and her eyes come back. Sure, it was predictable, but I’m down with Arya the Assassin, so it’s all good. So now, the question is, who is he training her to kill? The people on her list? Someone who has done him wrong in the past? Who would that even be? I guess we’ll see, but I’ll follow Arya fuckin’ people up.
-Next is Winterfell, where Ramsay is met by a fella named Smalljon Umber, who we have never met before. He doesn’t like the Boltons, he calls the late Roose a cunt, not once, but twice and accuses Ramsay of killing Roose, which is damn perceptive. He also says that he would have killed his own father if he had the chance. But he tells Ramsay that the Night’s Watch has let the wildlings past the Wall, and that the North is next, so they should come together. Ramsay says that he should bow to the Boltons and Smalljon is like, fuck all that noise, but I have a gift: he brings in Osha and Rickon, who we haven’t seen since Season 3 before the Red Wedding. Ramsey doesn’t believe that it is Rickon until Smalljon throws down the head of Shaggydog, Rickon’s direwolf. So now Ramsey is sitting pretty because he has the actual Lord of Winterfell in his position, and Rickon doesn’t know what the hell is going on. This might be better than marrying Sansa for Ramsay, and for all Rickon knows, his entire family is dead, so he doesn’t have much of a choice.
-But then we have Bran, who is watching a fight that he has heard about: Ned against the Targaryens at the end of Robert’s Rebellion. Ned is with Howland Reed, the father of Meera, who just in the last episode, said that she didn’t know what Bran needed her for. Long story short, Ned and ’em try to get to this Tower of Joy, and the Targaryen Kingsguard, led by Ser Arthur Dayne and Lord Commander Gerold Hightower. So basically, they gotta fight and the fight is on, eventually down to Ned and Arthur, and Arthur gets the better of Ned, but Howland stabs Arthur in the back of the neck. Ned, being honorable ol’ Ned, doesn’t really like that the dying Howland stepped in, but it is what it is, and he kills Ser Arthur. But then, we hear a woman scream from the tower and Ned goes to see who it is, and Bran (who yells at his father, who turns around as though he heard something) wants to follow him to see who it is, but the three-eyed raven stops the vision. Bran is mad, but the raven says that Bran has to learn everything before he leaves the cave. Sooooooooooooooo……..this is where we get the lowdown on Lyanna Stark, who was present in last week’s flashback with Ned and HodorWylis and such. That has to be her in the tower, and Ned goes to find her…..but I bet she has a baby with her, and I’ve got a pretty good idea on who that baby is. This is some other shit I’ve been waiting to find out, but I wanna let it unfold. Just think about it and I bet we all know who it is.
-Before the main event, I forgot about Sam and Gilly, who are on a boat going to Oldtown, which won’t allow women, so they have to figure that out. But first, Sam has to stop being seasick, because it’s Sam and it’s fitting. Also, Sam steppin’ up to the plate as the “father” of Young Sam or Little Sam or whatever the hell he’s called. Anyway, he’s gon’ take him to his home, Horn Hill, where his mom and sister are nice, but his father, not so much. I honestly forgot about this whole thing, but it’s on the backburner.
-We get to the Wall, where Davos is looking at a breathing and naked Jon like, what in the fuck is going on….she actually did it. Melisandre walks in like, YO I DID IT I FUCKIN TOLD YOU (not really, but you know she wanted to party). She asks him what he saw after he died and he was like, nothing, and she said the Lord of Light brought him back for a reason and he’s like, I have no idea what is going on. She leaves and Davos talks to Jon about all this, about him being dead and not being dead, and it doesn’t matter because he is here now. So Jon puts his gear on and walks out through the people, who all look like they’ve seen a ghost, and Tormund makes a dick joke before giving Jon a hug and Jon is like, yo, I just got stabbed, b, watch yourself. Then he hugs Edd, who went and got the wildlings.
Then the episode ends with Alliser, Olly’s little fuckass, and Alliser’s two homies that were behind the mutiny, and they’re chillin’ in some nooses, about to be hanged. Alliser says he’d make the same choice again because it was either betray the Night’s Watch or betray Jon…..the Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch. I get what he means, but he needs a speechwriter. Well, he did, before Jon swung that sword and cut the rope to hang the four. He tried to look at Olly and make Olly feel guilty, but Olly is the fucking devil and didn’t care. He was mad at Jon until the second he died, and hey, I guess I give it up to Olly and Alliser dying for what they believed in, no matter how wrong it was. Anyway, Jon takes off his cloak, gives it to Edd, which makes him the Lord Commander, and he says that his watch has ended as Jon walks away. I don’t know where the hell he thinks he’s going. It’s cold as a mufucka up there. But Melisandre and Davos won’t be far behind. Maybe he’ll bump into Sansa along the way because now, the Starks gotta get the band back together and save Rickon from becoming Ramsay’s puppet.
While “Oathbreaker” wasn’t as action-packed as “Home”, it was still pretty damn good, from the Ned fight scene to the hanging, which we all cheered about. But it was a game-changer in the fact that, well, just wait until you see who is in the tower. This is really the only theory I’ve subscribed to in terms of GOT, and they took a huge step in confirming that last night. But I figure next week they’ll get back to Sansa and Brienne, and we gotta figure out where Jon is going. Dorne will probably make an appearance (although I’d be cool with it being skipped), and let’s push along Operation: Get the Sparrows The Fuck Outta here, shall we? Oh, and dragons. Did they get out of the basement yet? Have they eaten? When will they hook up with Drogon and find Dany? Where the hell are Daario and Jorah, even? Still ain’t seen Littlefinger yet. Things are ratcheting up on Game Of Thrones.