Well, after six damn seasons of Game Of Thrones, winter is finally here. But there was a fair amount of heat in the Season 6 finale, “The Winds Of Winter”, unequivocally one of the best episodes in the entire series and the name of the upcoming sixth book. Let’s go………
-Um, let’s start with Sam and Gilly because this shit will be quick. They show up at Oldtown and walk up to the the maester’s version of the front desk, and much like any front desk you’ve ever been to, the receptionist is not here for any of Sam’s shit. He made Sam’s big ass stretch across that desk to give him the letter from Jon, saying he is supposed to be the new maester, and Mr. Receptionist was like, new Lord Commander? No Maester Aegon? WE DON’T BELIEVE YOU, YOU NEED MORE PEOPLE. But eventually, he lets Sam into the library, but not Gilly and Little Sam because Sam knew women and children weren’t allowed there. Anyway, Sam has to read like, three million books and he’s pretty psyched about it. Good for him. The fuck you gon’ do with Gilly and Little Sam?
-Let’s move up to the Twins, where Walder Frey is being full of himself as usual, partyin’ off their win over the Blackfish and the Tullys, while Bronn is gettin’ pissy with Jaime because all the women want him. Jaime, being the best wingman ever, calls over two women and Bronn is like, fuck it, I’ll take them, but first, he hit Jaime with the “not blond enough for you?” as both women had dark hair. It was obviously a shot at Jaime about Cersei, and really, Bronn is the only one who can get away with that shit. He has done it before, but what can Jaime say? Bronn has done a lot of shit for Jaime over these last six seasons. Then Jaime moves on Walder Frey, and basically says to him that the Lannisters don’t really need him if they have to ride up and save him every time he loses the Riverlands. He’s not wrong. Walder couldn’t have pulled off the Red Wedding without the Lannisters, and now this. That should have been the first sign for Walder to watch his back, ol’ pedo-ass bastard. But then, he’s chillin’ and in walks a girl that we saw in the previous scene, getting Jaime’s attention. Walder slaps her ass and says she’s too pretty to be one of his, and he asks for his sons. She was like, oh, your sons are right there, on ya mufuckin’ plate and that they were hard to carve up…..and bruh, she pulled off that mask…….ARYA. She says her full name again, completely throwing that “No One” shit in the bushes, and proceeds to slit his throat….and smiles at him. Does this make up for all the other shit that hasn’t happened for Arya this season? Not completely, but it damn sure helps. And this means that Arya is at Riverrun, so how did she get…..actually, you know what? Never mind. She’s there and that’s all that matters. Winterfell next? Maybe King’s Landing? She got that kill list to work on.
-Benjen drops Meera and Bran close to the Wall, right beside a weirwood tree, but Benjen can’t go past the Wall, which has magic or some shit that prevents him from going past it because technically, he’s dead. Sooooooooo…….does this mean the White Walkers and ’em can’t go past the Wall, either? How does that work? Anyway, we’ll figure that shit out later. Bran looks at the tree and was like, I ain’t warged in a minute and Meera is like, you better wake the fuck up when I grab you this time. He goes into his flashback, and it’s at the Tower of Joy, where we hear the screams of Lyanna Stark, and Ned goes on to see what’s up with his sister. She is lying in a pool of blood and whispers to Ned that well, she just had a baby and her father would kill her if she knew who the father was, and we can all safely assume that the father is Rhaegar Targaryen and book readers smugly stroked their chin upon this being revealed. To be fair to them, though, this is one of the theories that I’ve run across that wasn’t stupid, and it NEVER sat well with me that Ned had a bastard child when all we heard about was how honorable he was. Like, that was Ned’s THING, right until the end. But he came up with that story because Jon Snow would have been killed if anyone knew his father was Rhaegar was his father. So yes, Jon is part-Targaryen. He’d better learn to ride a dragon (remember, Rhaegar was Dany’s brother and fun fact, he was supposed to marry Cersei, but his father, the Mad King, said Cersei wasn’t good enough for him and that obviously pissed Tywin off. I could probably write another thousand words on how many people the Targaryens pissed off, and how not good that is for Dany……maybe later). That shit will come in handy.
-Speaking of Jon, he’s chillin’ with Melisandre when Davos bursts in the room and throws some shit at Melisandre, which turns out to be Shireen’s little wooden elk, which is some bullshit in the first place, but whatever. He forces her to tell Jon about the burning of Shireen at the stake, but Melisandre puts up a fight, saying that it was the Lord of Light, but also her parents as Stannis and whatever her mother’s name was were in on it, too. Davos is like, where did that get any of them, and Melisandre is like, shit….you’re not wrong. Jon asks is she has anything to say for herself and Melisandre counters with the fact that, well, she brought him back to life, and the great war is on the way and she’ll be useful to him, which is probably right. But Jon was raised by Ned and he does the honorable thing, which is to tell Melisandre to ride south and never come to the North again, or he’ll have her hanged as a murderer, while Davos is like, fuck all that, I’ll kill you my damn self. And I mean, I get it, killing Shireen was kinda fucked up. But she DID bring Jon Snow back and she probably will be able to help in the great war. She’s not done, we’ll see her again. For their sake, they better hope they see her again. But goddamn, Davos was mad as shit, come like they found a text on their significant other’s phone. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT……I don’t think we’ve ever heard him that mad. And now that I think about it….does he need to go to the Iron Bank and pay that debt for Stannis? That literally just popped into my head.
Jon meets with Sansa, who says that he should sleep in their parents’ old room, but Jon wants her to have it. She admits that not telling him about Littlefinger was the wrong thing to do, which is correct, because people were furious about that last week. Jon asks if she trusts Littlefinger, which she says she doesn’t and I think she knows better than that, but she needed him. Jon tells her they have to be honest with each other if they’re gon’ run Winterfell, but they’ll have this problem again. Oh, and they find out that winter is here through a white raven, and it’s just like their father told them as it’s the motto of House Stark and he it’s the name of the first episode of the series. It’s about damn time. Then Sansa meets with Littlefinger, who finally shoots his shot with her. He tried to kiss her and Sansa was like, nah, thanks for the army, tho. That’s some cold shit. He won’t take that lying down.
Later on, all the lords of the North have gathered and mufuckas are mad that the wildlings are there, but Tormund said they were invited. AND, did you not just see us out there fighting for your punk asses? We lost the last giant (#RIPWUNWUN) out here for y’all, which is all a true story. Jon then tells everyone that the great war is yet to be fought, and then there are some that still think Jon shouldn’t be in charge because he’s a bastard. But Lyanna Mormont steps up to the plate and all but started her speech with, “man, y’all some bitches”. She names all the houses that stopped fuckin’ with the Starks after the Red Wedding, and people that wouldn’t fight the Boltons with him. Where has this little girl been this entire series? I feel cheated that we’re just now gettin’ these Lyanna bars. And y’all are some bitches because you’re getting run by a 10-year-old that has just 62 fightin’ mufuckas….well, um, probably not 62 after last week. I wonder how many of them survived? I’d guess not many. Anyway, they all declare Jon the King Of the North and everyone is chanting, but Sansa looks in the back and Littlefinger is NOT happy because he thinks that’s his spot. So keep an eye on that because if there is one thing we know, it is that Littlefinger won’t stop until he gets what he wants. And he has an army that is probably bigger than Jon’s. But it’s nice to see the Starks taking a W or two after six entire seasons of Ls.
-Aight, NOW, on to the good stuff. The episode starts with everyone getting ready for the trials of Cersei and Loras. It is a very slow and deliberate beginning, and and very detailed, starting with the little kid who whispers something Pycelle as he is getting ready to go, and after he doesn’t pay a prostitute, and you can never trust someone who does that. Loras is brought out of his cell and I assume he’s not making it out of this episode, but instead of a trial, Loras confessed to everything, like, a whole buncha shit. I was waiting for buggery, but no buggery, I think he just used a different name for it. Anyway, he says that he’s done with his Tyrell name, he’ll never have kids, yada yada yada, but that’s not enough as the Sparrows carve that star into his head and Margaery is PISSED. The High Sparrow ain’t pressed tho, and he’s like, these things happen. He also said that Loras wouldn’t be released until Cersei’s trial, but she won’t leave the Red Keep, so he sends Lancel to get her. Of course, Cersei is chillin’ with her wine, mentally tellin’ mufuckas what they ain’t gon’ do today, and when Tommen goes to head to the trial, he’s greeted by FrankenMountain, and that’s when you knew it was about to be ON. Then you have Pycelle, who follows that kid under the Sept into a room with Qyburn, who says that he has no ill will towards Pycelle….but apparently this gang of little kids do. They stabbed the shit outta Pycelle, b. That has to be a record for most times one person has been stabbed in this show.
Margaery knows something is going on with Cersei and Tommen not being there, and says there is some sort of trap, but the High Sparrow is arrogant and was like, meh, it’ll be fine. So Margaery is like, fuck this, and tries to leave, but the Sparrows hold her back. Meanwhile, no one is looking for Lancel, who has followed another kid under the Red Keep, and then the kid stabs him in the spine. He gets to crawling, and it seemed like that dude was on the ground for hours, and he’s crawling, and he’s crawling…and then he discovers the wildfire that they’ve mentioned like, three times in the most recent episodes (I called it firewater in my notes, I was close). He sees a candle and does everything he can to get there to put it out, but he doesn’t get there in time and BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM……down goes the Sept, the High Sparrow, Margaery and Loras, the Faith Militant, EVERYONE. We have two points of view here: one is Cersei, who is smirking with what might be her third glass of wine, and then there is Tommen…..who stares out of the window in disbelief, takes his crown off, we hear him sit it down, and then back to the window and doesn’t even hesitate, just walks the fuck out. So there is the prophecy; it was foretold that Cersei’s kids would all die. I don’t know if her having anything to do with it was in there, but they’re gone.
AND THEN, Cersei walks in a room where the big-ass nun is strapped to a table, and she is telling the nun to confess, and pouring wine all over her face. You KNOW Cersei hates you if she’s wasting wine on you. Cersei then confesses to killing her husband and fucking her brother and doing all sorts of shit on the strength of feeling good, and the nun is like fuck it, I’m ready to die, I’m good. But no, no, no, Cersei ain’t ready for that yet….she brings in FrankenMountain, who takes off his mask, and we don’t know what he is doing to her as Cersei leaves, but we hear the blood-curdling screams and it surely can’t be good for ol’ nun, and Cersei walks off repeating “Shame, Shame”, because she’s Queen Petty.
However, a damper is put on the party when Qyburn tells Cersei that Tommen is dead, and she’s like, welp, burn him and put him with his grandfather, brother and sister, and it’s there that hits Cersei, her whole damn family is dead….all she has left is Jaime. No mention of Robert, tho, which isn’t surprising. But Jaime’s reaction is the best as he and Bronn return from Riverrun with King’s Landing burning, and he’s like, fuck, what did she do now. He walks in just in time to see Cersei being crowned Queen of the Seven Kingdoms by Qyburn, and yo…….CERSEI IS ON THE FUCKIN’ THRONE. The season is a success for me because I just wanted Cersei to get revenge and then die, but to put her on the throne? Something that she tried to run with Robert, then killed him, then her sons, and that didn’t work out. But she should be careful because the Iron Throne isn’t really the place to be if you want to live. And besides, Cersei’s plans ALWAYS backfire, so it’s only a matter of time before that shit comes crashing down. However. The Revenge of Cersei is complete and the High Sparrow is dead, so I’m good.
-Quickly, we stopped in Dorne where Ellaria had called Lady O for a meeting, and Lady O is not in the mood for anything. She needs some backup as she blames Cersei for the deaths of Margaery and Loras, and rightly so, oh, and her son, their father, also died at the Sept. Ellaria is all about some Lannister vengeance, but not before Lady O cusses out all three of the Sand Snakes for no reason other than they exist. I love that lady. No one makes some feel small better than Lady O, them bars cut like a knife. But then Varys is revealed, and I’ll tell you what I think that is all about in the next section. So that’s where he was going, but wouldn’t tell Tyrion.
-Finally, we end in Meereen, where Dany breaks up with Daario, which kinda came outta nowhere, but I was okay with it. He is to stay there with the Second Sons and make sure Meereen is smooth, and he’s on some “please baby baby please” shit, but Dany is like, nah, I got shit to do. She tried him as a piece, and it was lowkey hilarious to see the shoe on the other foot, far different from what we’re used to seeing in, well, 90% of television shows outchea. And he’s mad at Tyrion, who is sitting outside and waiting for Dany to see how Daario took the news (meh, he was fine, probably went to a brothel).
Tyrion tries to console her, but Dany is more worried that she doesn’t feel anything about it. The two sit down and talk about what they believe in, and Tyrion didn’t believe in anything, but he believes in her and I’m not going through the shit word for word, but I wouldn’t be surprised if both Emilia Clarke and Peter Dinklage used this as their Emmy scene (even though neither of them should win). Just the way it was shot, with them in the frame and the window behind them….this is the shit we’ve been building towards and what I’ve been waiting for since Tyrion got to Meereen. He even said it: she has ships, an army, some big-ass dragons….only one thing left to do. As I mentioned before, the Targaryens aren’t liked in King’s Landing, but who cares….she has all of the aforementioned things. Anyway, Dany makes Tyrion the Hand of the Queen and he kneels, but hey, he has been the Hand before. We close with Yara and Theon and the Iron Fleet (and I assume Euron is building, what, ship #17 of 1,000 at this point), and then Dany, Missandei, Tyrion and Varys on another ship, with Drogon up above. Dany is FINALLY going to Westeros, and she better not make any damn stops along the way. And yeah, Varys…..he got back in time (don’t worry about how long it took for all this, Dorne is kinda close to Meereen and that shit doesn’t mean anything in this show). So he’s aligning Dany and ’em with Dorne and Highgarden against the Lannisters? Tyrion won’t mind, although he’ll do his best to save Jaime, which isn’t likely considering that, you know, he kinda killed Dany’s father. And yo, whatever happen to Melisandre #2, that knew all about Varys’ past and had him shook?
And that was that. The end to Season 6, which might be just after Season 4 for my favorite season, and this was one of the best episodes of the series, hands down. I’m fine with there being fewer episodes in the season (there are seven slated for next season) if they’re going to be longer, and if they’re all this good. I’m not even gon’ speculate on what will happen next season, I’ma let this season marinate and we’ll deal with all that shit over the next ten months, which seems like a long time, but we’ll get through it.
Season 6 MVP: Lena Headey as Cersei. Honorable mention for Sophie Turner as Sansa. I wanted it to be Maisie Williams as Arya, but that storyline dragged for a while.
Thanks for reading and making this the most fun I’ve had since starting this blog, and I haven’t figured out what’s next yet. But whatever it is, it won’t be as fun as Game Of Thrones, the king of television right now.