Game Of Thrones S08E06 – The Iron Throne

Well, that’s it. 73 episodes of Game Of Thrones down the hatch. Y’all were never going to be happy with how it ended. That sounds exhausting. I wish it was as bad as the Dexter finale, so y’all would know how good y’all had it.

Let’s go, for the last time……

-We begin with Tyrion walking through King’s Landing, surveying the wreckage after Dany and Drogon mowed the lawn…….OF PEOPLE. Then, he walks by a zombie from The Walking Dead, who looks like he needs a Powerade. Jon and Davos are with him, and Jon is like, it’s not safe, take some people with you. Bruh, the damage is done, I think you’re good now. Anyway, Tyrion wants to go and find Cersei and Jaime. And everyone is still surprised that Dany did what she did, even though she said, I dunno, a long time ago, that she was taking what is hers in fire and blood. And she has burnt up a whole buncha people, places and things in the past. But fine, don’t listen. Y’all would wild out if your best friends died and Cersei’s smug face was being all Cersei and smugly, too. Or maybe you’d just sign a petition about it.

-Grey Worm is about this vengeance life, and Jon and Davos wants to stop him, and Grey Worm is like, bitch, are y’all the queens? Jon tries to grab Grey Worm and the Unsullied are like, yeah, not a good idea. Davos gets him to go and talk to Dany, and Grey Worm is like, I’ma do this killin’. You didn’t see that video of us dancing? Nope, EVERYONE GOTTA DIE. His killin’ arm must have been tired as shit after that.

-Tyrion gets to the Red Keep, and manages to find Jaime and Cersei. Strangely, I think the tears were also for Cersei, because again, Tyrion is fiercely loyal to his family, even though they were all such raging douches to him. I bet Cersei had some wine on her, too. Hide that shit in Jaime’s hand.

-Arya watches the DothSullied crew celebrate, while Jon walks all the way up like, 14,000 steps, and there is Grey Worm, who is not only not tired from all the killin’, but he has to be terribly efficient as well. That was a lot of killin’ to do, then beat Jon up there. Just then, Drogon rolls in and appears behind Dany in the best shot of the season, and one of the very best of the series. She makes some speech about liberating the other places around Westeros, which is really the only sequel I’d watch, just Dany and Drogon, setting fire to the entire, I dunno, what is it, a continent? A country? I dunno. I’ve heard something about her being compared to Hitler for this speech, and I think people read a little too much into a show with dragons and ice zombies. It’s really not that deep. You think Hitler would have that many black people around him? But if you wanna waste valuable brain space on that, have at ‘er. Grey Worm is now in charge of killin’ and fightin’, which might be the best move she has made in eight seasons.

-Arya looks like she wants to do something. After what she did to the Night King, I’d LOVE to see that.

-Tyrion rolls up on Dany like, the fuck was all that about and Dany is like, if you don’t sit your treasonous ass down somewhere. Tyrion is like, fuck it, here is my two weeks’ notice and you can have this Walmart-ass brooch back, too. The DothSullied are waiting for Dany to tell ’em to Hulk Smash, but she just orders him to be taken away. And here, I knew Tyrion wouldn’t die, because he would have died right then and there. But they ain’t killin’ Dinklage at this point, if he hadn’t already. Jon looks at Dany in disappointment and she gives -47 fucks about his feelings.

-Arya sidles up to Jon, and he tries to tell her to go wait for him outside the gates. At this point, all this big brother shit is cool, but Arya can take care of herself. I needed her to say, “did YOU kill the Night King?”. That should be her response to literally everything. Anyway, Arya tries to warn him again because Dany knows who he is, which means he is a threat and he needs to be careful.

-Jon visits Tyrion, wine-less, which isn’t fitting of a good friend. Tyrion accepts his fate and lists all the bad shit he has done in his life, although his mother, not really his fault, but throw it on the list anyway. Jon then tries to pin Dany’s shit on Tyrion, saying that he was the one that guided her, and again, Tyrion owned up to it and said he thought he could, but he couldn’t, and King’s Landing paid for it. Jon says that the war is over, and Tyrion is like, did you not JUST hear her? Dany has been on her Harriet Tubman tour for friggin’ eight seasons, burnin’ people up, but it’s going to stop now? Okay, bud. But he also says to Jon that he, too, has been on a dragon and he wouldn’t have done what she did, which is true. Because Dany has killed way more people than anyone. But it was usually for good, and the more she kills, the more she thinks she is right, tryna build a better world for everyone (again, NOT something that Hitler would do). Jon has a confused look on his face. The same one we’ve seen for eight seasons.

-Whew, this scene is long. Great (well, on Dinklage’s part, anyway), but long.

-Tyrion hits Jon with the “you love her, and love is more powerful than reason”. Wooooo buddy, you ain’t never lied. We’ve all been there at one point or another. He also points out that Jon has always protected the people. But who is the biggest threat to the people now? Tyrone outchea makin’ too much sense. He tells Jon all the same shit Arya said to him, that he isn’t going to be the last man she executes, and Jon is the biggest threat of all, and Jon is like, that’s fine, she is the Queen, I’m not going to kill her. Tyrion then repeats what Arya said, that Sansa would never bend the knee, and Jon still won’t kill Dany. He knows what he has to do, but that Ned Stark shit has Jon being all noble and shit.

-Jon is walking through the Red Keep and walks up on a sleeping Drogon, who gives him a sniff and goes back to sleep. Drogon is like, I SHOULD kill you, but I’ll see what Moms has to say. What a good boy. Better than Ghost. In fact, Ghostface Killah is better than Ghost.

-Dany finally sees the Iron Throne, which she has been waiting to see for quite a while, I’d say. But she doesn’t get to sit down on what looks to be a terribly uncomfortable throne before Jon rolled in. Can they get her one of those joints that you use in your computer chairs? Not one single ruler has thought of that. Good grief. Anyway, Jon tries to appeal mercy to Dany, who isn’t having it, and this is Cersei’s fault, which, I mean, she’s not entirely wrong. Anyway, blah blah, mercy and NOAP, and she wants Jon to come with her and they’ll break the wheel. And Jon was like, nah, catch this dagger to the chest, b. In the words of the illustrious X-Files, “trust no one”.

-Drogon comes around, like he hears his moms calling from the other room to turn the television, even though the remote is right in front of her. He swoops down and starts tryna move her dead body, lookin’ like the mother from “Boyz N The Hood”. He is PISSED, and it looks like he is going to kill Jon, but instead he burns the Iron Throne. I did actually think that he was going to burn Jon, who deserved it. I think it was because Drogon was like, man, fuck this throne, it looks mad uncomfortable, it probably gives you hemorrhoids, and it makes people do fucked-up things, for better or for worse.

-I’ve seen some people say, oh, a dragon couldn’t know all that. But guess what, I’ma let you in on a secret: DRAGONS AREN’T REAL. So I’ma keep thinking that Drogon made sense of it all, said this is stupid, took Dany somewhere, probably ate her because, I mean, come on, why not, and then he went to DeVry and got a diploma or something. Maybe he went and got a trade as a welder. It might take a minute to figure out how much fire he needs for a pipe (I know nothing about welding, so if this sounds wrong…..I don’t care), but he’ll figure. Drogon is a strong and independent dragon, who lost his moms and his two brothers, and he can do what he wants.

-Fast forward, I dunno, could be two months, could be a few days, whatever. Tyrion is taken by Grey Worm to the pit. The Stars are there, Brienne, Davos, a whole buncha people. Sansa asks Grey Worm where Jon is and he’s like, we got it, this is our city now. Sansa is like, we got people and Grey Worm is like, we got people, too. Yara pipes up and says she swore to follow Dany, who Sansa says was a tyrant and Yara is like, well, so was Cersei, so six of one and half dozen of the other. Yara then makes the mistake of threatening Jon and Arya was like, man, I will slit your throat so damn fast, and Davos was like, y’all, CHILL, B. He tells Grey Worm that he can have the Reach, which is actually a good come-up. But Grey Worm is like, nah, we just want a head for Dany’s death and Tyrion is like, you can’t decide that, only the new king or queen can do that. Tyrion says, well, y’all need to figure this out, don’t you?

-Edmure Tully pipes up after not being around for a season-and-a-half, and tries to make this speech. Sansa is like, MAN, SIT CHO ASS DOWN. It was a simple “please sit”, but with everyone looking at him like, YO SHE TOLD YOU, BRUH, then he couldn’t even sit his ass down in the first place, it was definitely a MAN, SIT CHO ASS DOWN. Edmure Tully……FOH.

-Sam offers democracy. Everyone laughs. It seems like a good idea, but this band of idiots couldn’t make it work. FORESHADOWING.

-They ask Tyrion his opinion, which I thought wasn’t a thing anymore, but even though he has been slipping, he is still smarter than everyone there, outside of maybe Sansa, Sam and Bran, I guess. Tyrion goes on a speech about stories uniting people, and ends up on Bran the Broken, as we’re calling him now, apparently. Sansa is like, Bran can’t have a son and Tyrion is like, cool, men are idiots, the smartest thing he has said in 12 episodes. Tyrion is like, you don’t want it, you don’t care about power, but will you take it and Bran is like, WHY YOU THINK I’M HERE, BRUH……I FOOOOOOOOOLED YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU. Bran pulled that okey-doke on mufuckas. Zigged when everyone thought he was gonna zag, unlike his younger brother, Rickon (who doesn’t get a RIP, he deserved every ounce of that shit). Anyway, everyone agrees, and Sansa is like, I’m taking the North as an independent and Bran is like, whatever. Bran then makes Tyrion his Hand because he has been so good at it in the past, and Grey Worm is like, so I don’t get to kill anyone? This is BULLSHIT. How does this dude keep failing up, or at least not failing down? Welcome to life, Grey Worm. Welcome to life.

-Tyrion tells Jon that he is going back to the Night’s Watch, who I thought were all dead and is there any need for them anymore? Jon is still asking if it was right what he did, and Tyrion was like, first, WE did that shit and second, ask me in ten years. Jon says he won’t see Tyrion again, but he will. Tyrion knows his way around, he’ll pop up for a vat of wine and chicken, or whatever Tormund and ’em got up there. Tormund is a big dude. He’s eating SOMETHING up there.

-Jon walks through King’s Landing, and sees Grey Worm, who has a look that says, “I’ma get you someday”. But instead, he says that they’re going to Naath, Missandei’s home, to protect them and if I had to wager a guess, kill more mufuckas. They say their emotional goodbyes or whatever, for some people, I was never a Stark guy, I like two of them and the other three can go fly a kite. But Sansa ends up as Queen of the North, which is great for her and well-deserved after all the garbage and bullshit she has been through. Jon asks Arya to come visit him in the Norf Norf (shouts to Vince Staples), but Arya is like, I’m going as far west as I can. I don’t know what is west, if anything, but cool. She could have also been a lady, but Arya is about that travelin’ life. And then Jon says something to Bran about not being there when he was needed, and Bran was all, you were exactly where you needed to be. Whatever, Bran. Weirdo.

-Brienne rewrites Jaime’s section in the scrolls, not scrolls, the books, whatever they are. That book you write your condolences in at a funeral home. Anyway, she writes, “dies protecting his Queen”, which he absolutely did. And she did that because she is honorable and not petty like the rest of us. This little part here basically sums up Game Of Thrones: mad because it didn’t end the way you wanted it to. She wrote for a RACK of time, too. How much ink did she go through?

-Tyrion is back in the Hand’s chair, with Bronn, and starts straightening chairs, when he is joined by Bronn and Davos. Bronn might have had the best come-up of them all. Kept threatening peoples’ lives until he was the Lord of Highgarden. He is at least top five in the MVP conversation. Sam also enters and says they wrote a book called “A Song of Ice and Fire”, about the wars after Robert’s Rebellion. Tyrion wants to know what they said about him and Sam was like, we didn’t mention you, which, as a writer, is terrible journalism. Like, even just to say he was a jerk who made awful decisions, you gotta mention Tyrone at some point. Anyway, Sam is trash and I hope Drogon eats his family. Bran rolls in with Brienne, finally with a new chair, and he wants new Masters of Whispers (was Varys), Wars (was Grey Worm) and Law (man, I have no idea and nor do I care). Bronn, who is in charge of the money, is enlisted to send supplies from Highgarden and Tyrion wants sewers because I bet King’s Landing smells AWFUL right now, and Bronn is like, so what about these brothels, though? And we’re all back to square. Because like The Wire…..NOAP, can’t say that. I really should just rewatch it and do recaps for it. I mean, I won’t, but I should.

-Jon gets back to Castle Black, where they have apparently started to rebuild the wall because what else are you gon’ do? Tormund sees him like, man, I knew you’d be up there, you’re not build for that royalty life. Arya takes Needle, gets on her ship and goes out west, to Cali, I assume. Sansa gets bowed down to as the Queen of the North. Jon is like, FINALLY, a place where people don’t want me to be responsible and do anything! He sees Ghost, who is missing an ear and I laughed. All the Starks are where they’re supposed to be. Except for Bran.

-Oh, wait, did Jon, Tormund and squad go even further north? Well, whatever, settle down and find you a good wildling girl, or guy, just do something with no responsibility. Although responsibility finds Jon and he is probably the King of the Wildings now, but they seem pretty easygoing.

And that was that. There was some stuff that I wasn’t a fan of (strangely, not really this season, some old shit), but overall, I was always entertained for eight seasons of Game Of Thrones. I have it behind The Wire, Breaking Bad (which I thought I had on here, but it was the old blog) and maybe Mad Men for GOAT of all time, but it just ended, so there is plenty of time for that. But it was fun, I was entertained and in the end, that’s all I really care about.

Thanks for letting me ramble for the last four seasons/five years. This is probably the end of the recaps, but you never know. I still need some sort of outlet to write, so it’ll probably be random stuff, with no warning, and that will be that.

And now, our watch has ended.

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