Category Archives: Fear The Walking Dead

The Walking Dead S06E16 – Last Day On Earth

Season 6 came to an end on The Walking Dead with “Last Day On Earth”, a plodding, ominous beast of an episode. I thank my terrible attention span because I was doing other shit while it was on, which is why I wasn’t as mad as some of y’all were. Can’t be outchea being engrossed by this shit. After six seasons, y’all don’t know yet? Let’s go……

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-We open from the point of view of someone in a box, with streams of light coming in. It reminds me of when they were in the container at Terminus, so it’s pretty easy to assume it’s the dumbasses that got caught because Daryl is a shitty tracker. Morgan finds a horse, probably belonging to the person at the farmhouse. Horses don’t last long in The Walking Dead. Then we have the dude that has Carol’s rosary beads, looking like he is about to turn, and he is a better tracker than Daryl. Next, we have a man running through the woods, with some whistling going on around him. Carl argues with Enid about her coming on this mission to take Maggie to the Hilltop, to a doctor. Meanwhile, the Saviors surround the man, and Rick assembles the crew, who does a lot of talking, but I don’t pay attention.

-The Saviors tell the man they were chasing that rules were broken and people had to die because of it, so it wasn’t their fault. There isn’t much explaining of the rules, but you can bet that the rules were basically, listen to us to die. Or some version of that. Not very complex, that is for sure. Meanwhile, to get Enid not to come on the mission, Carl locks her in a closet and then tells her to just survive somehow. Bruh, you locked me in a fucking closet, how in the hell am I supposed to get out? It’s about to be that kind of episode. Mufuckas about to act real good and stupid.

-Rick lets Aaron join the group, and apparently Father Bitchass is in charge while he is gone. That sounds like it should go on the pantheon of Rick’s bad ideas. First things first….why can’t you just go and get the doctor and bring that person there? Why are you leaving Alexandria completely unattended? Everyone that is worth a damn is gone. Your best bet was pregnant Maggie.

-Gallopin’ Morgan finds Carol huddled on a stoop, and she got cut in her scuffle with the dude from last episode. The Saviors drag this poor man, who is basically a human pinata for them, into the road, and the leader says they’re making an example of him. The man asks to who since his people are all dead, and gets kicked in the back for his troubles. Rick’s group is trying to keep Maggie calm in the RV, and I forgot she cut her hair. Morgan plays doctor with Carol (not that way, pervs) so they can go back to Alexandria, but Carol doesn’t want to. Of course, Morgan is stubborn and doesn’t fucking listen to anyone, so she might as well stop fighting.

-The RV meets up with the Savior group, who are standing in the middle of the road. Rick offers to make a deal and dude is like, how about you give us your shit and we don’t kill you, and Rick is like, eh, we’ll just leave. The two go back and forth about this being one of their last day on Earth, hence the name of the episode. All I hear is Mase’s “24 Hours to Live” in the background. Round 1 goes to the Saviors, because Rick was like, we don’t want those problems.

-After commercial, we go to the box with the light streams and the heavy breathing, so this will pop up a couple more times in the episode. In the RV, Carl asks Aaron why he is here and he says he owes Maggie, while Carl says he owes the Saviors. Again, selfish motives ruining the group. At least Rick is selfish with a plan, these mufuckas are just runnin’ around all willy-nilly. Carol is telling Morgan how she cares about the group, and is willing to kill for them, but she doesn’t want to kill anymore, so she had to leave. She points a gun at him, but Carol is tired. And I get what she is saying, but man, you gotta tell them first, you know that they’re going to come after you, and here we are, with no one at Alexandria, and everybody about to die.

-Abe tells Sasha that he is ready to bring new life into the world, and she smiles at a dumb fucking idea. Are you serious? That is exactly what you need. A fucking baby in a zombie apocalypse. I thought Maggie and Glenn’s baby was a bad idea, too. But then, they run into another group of Saviors, this time, there are more of them, and they turn around as one of the Saviors busts his gun into the air. It’s probably about this point where they should be thinking of an alternate plan.

-Morgan finds a walker hanging from something and decides to kill it and cut it down. Really, bruh? Compassion for fucking zombies? I’m so done with this dude. And he left Carol, who runs away, so now he has to go find her again. What was he even doing?

-The RV gets to another roadblock, this time, with a line of walkers chained to each other, which means there was some work put into this one. Then they notice that one of the walkers has two of Michonne’s dreadlocks, and another has bolts from Daryl’s crossbow, so yeah, these people are better at this than y’all. The Saviors start shooting from the woods and the group peaces out in the RV. But they realize that the Saviors were shooting at their feet; they would be dead if they wanted them to be.

-Preview of Fear The Walking Dead: zombies in the water, and I assume that is Strand’s place that is on fire. Sure. I’ll watch this.

-The RV is starting to break down, and Rick tells Maggie (whose condition is getting worse) that they’re fine, but his faces are so good. When they get to yet another roadblock, this time, one with like, 35-40 people, his face says, oh man we are so fucked right now, Saviors outchea lookin’ like a rap-album cover from 1994.

-Meanwhile, Morgan is gallopin’ down the street and finds Carol’s beads by a freshly-killed walker. Carol is walking along and gets caught by the hurt Savior, but not before she fights off a walker and tears its face off. The hurt Savior fucks her up pretty good, and he has a gun, so he shoots her in arm, and the leg, because he wants to watch her die before he dies.

-Again, we get the box, then Rick comforting Maggie, but looking like he is going to pee himself at the thought of what is next. And I just thought of something: at this point, how do they even know that the doctor at the Hilltop (I just remembered he had that ultrasound machine because who doesn’t have an ultrasound machine?) is still alive? After meeting the Saviors, I assume everyone is dead outchea in these streets.

-Then Morgan, of course, comes out of nowhere and shoots the man all to hell and Carol is like, MOTHERFUCKER WILL YOU JUST LET ME DIE FOR FUCK SAKES. But they survive and then, well, shoutout to the homegirl Holly for this: “speaking of, who the fuck were those storm trooper dudes that Morgan met up with ?”. Mufuckas on horses dressed like Star Wars characters come around the corner, say they’ll help Morgan, mufuckas shake hands and walk off. Hahahaha the writers just don’t care anymore. And they shouldn’t. Because we’ll still watch it.

-Rick and ’em get to a big-ass log roadblock, and then the man that the Saviors are fuckin’ with, they hang him from a bridge. Aaron wants to shoot him down, but Rick says they need to conserve bullets and quite frankly, who the hell is this guy? At this point, he probably wants to die anyway. Then the logs are set on fire and the Savior from earlier says some more shit about this being the last day on Earth for someone in Rick’s group. Rick and ’em are like, man, fuck this, and peace out.

-They try to come up with a plan and Eugene says they should go on foot because they were looking for the RV. So this is the plan: Eugene drives the empty RV to lure the Saviors. Hahahaha what? And then what? Did you see how many of the Saviors there were? They’re probably watching you RIGHT NOW. HOLY SHIT. This is not gon’ end well. Eugene gives Rick the recipe for making bullets, and they all pump him up, telling him he is a survivor. What in the name of Destiny Child’s is going on here?

-The next commercial is the conclusion of Flight 462, which is a scene from Fear TWD last season as Nick looks up in the sky and sees a plane flying all screwy. He’s like, hmmm….that’s interesting. Shoutout to the flight attendant that takes her oxygen mask off and looks like she’s ready to eat.

-They put Maggie on a stretcher (WHERE IN THE FUCK DID THEY GET A STRETCHER) and leave Eugene to go and get caught. The group is walking through the woods, and they hear the whistles, and basically run right into the middle of all the Saviors, who have Eugene. They get their shit taken and they get on their knees. The box that we have been seeing all episode is actually a van, and Dwight gets out, along with Glenn, Michonne, Rosita and Daryl, who is shot, but still alive, for fuck sakes. Someone needs to explain to me why y’all love this dude so much. I really don’t get it. I never have.

-Then we get to the best part: we finally meet Negan, who has a scarf on, what is it called, an ascot? Something like that. Anyway, he also has a bat wrapped in barbed wire; so this is the Lucille that I’ve been hearing about and yup, it’s a bat wrapped in barbed wire alright. His speech rambles on, and it’s fine, after waiting this long to meet him, he can talk for as long as he wants and it’s not like anyone can say shit to him. He tells the group that they’re only still living so they can work for them, and the rules are the same that the Savior said earlier: their shit is his shit. He says “shit” a lot, which I respect as it is my favorite curse word. But Negan also says that someone has to pay because some of his men have died, and at this point, I’m like, alright, let’s do this. Glenn tries to be the big man and protect Maggie, and that shit gets shot down with the quickness. He does the eeny-meeny-miny-moe thing with the group to see who is going to get to party with Lucille, and then gets to the moe…..but we don’t see who gets it. All we see is the blood dripping down the camera, and Negan saying, you’re taking it like a champ. A couple more swings, fade to black, annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd scene.

-So, people are mad about the end, but me, I liked it. I like not knowing who it is that got the business end of Lucille, and guessing throughout the off-season. I know some comic readers are going to be pressed to tell us what happens, and I’ve already read it. But the way that TWD works, you really don’t know because they’ve gone so far off the comics already. Still, don’t be a pressed asshole. We know the comics are out there and can read it ourselves if we want. No one cares, b.

-Negan was great. That was well worth the wait. He is probably already the best villain of the show so far. Yep, better than the Governor.

-The episode dragged, for sure, but AMC had to get that advertising money. Because SOMEONE has to pay to keep Better Call Saul (which is GREAT, by the way) on, and all these other new shows.

-Why are y’all are so pressed for Daryl. Is it shallow eye candy (which I approve of, shoutout to Alyssa Milano’s career)? Because he doesn’t do anything.

-I want Glenn or Daryl to be gone. Actually, anyone but Michonne.

And thus ends another season of The Walking Dead. Listen…..it’s not good. It has flashes here and there, where you can tell they really try to give the characters something good, like 2-3 episodes a season. But overall, the audience doesn’t care about those episodes and want to see death and murderkillviolence and walkers and Negan and such…..so why bother? And now people get mad at this? Psssssssh. AMC is going to do what they’re going to do, and we’re going to watch. If I were you, I’d get off the train right now because if you think it’s going to get better, it’s not. Just appreciate it for what it is, not what it isn’t. It’s frustrating, it’s entertaining, it’s a mess and we’ll watch next season because why the hell not?

That being said, I’m drawing the line at ten seasons. Unless there are dragons and nudity. Then I’m in for as long as it takes.

Fear The Walking Dead S01E06 – The Good Man

The first season of Fear The Walking Dead has had its moments and the finale, “The Good Man”, just leaves a bunch of unanswered questions that leaves me asking, “just how long do they think they can stretch this out?”. Let’s go……………

-We open with a shot panning over a desolate Los Angeles landscape, and the shot of a freeway empty on one side should bring you back to the first season of The Walking Dead, when Glenn was bombing down the highway in what I think was a Mustang. Then we get to the arena, and I don’t know about you, but those little chains shouldn’t be able to hold, what, 2,000 zombies? I’m sure those mufuckas aren’t in there organized like in single file or anything.

-Madison and Travis and ’em are packing, getting ready to leave because of what they learned in “Cobalt”, which was that the army was planning to leave, but not without killing them first. Just to quickly go back to “Cobalt” since I missed the recap of that….I’m rollin’ with Pops. While I’m still giving people the benefit of the doubt after ten days of the zombie apocalypse, he KNOWS what it is going on and this nice-guy shit that Travis is tryna pull off won’t work.

-But at least Travis and Madison are telling Alicia and Chris what is going on now, instead of hiding shit. Good for them.

-Pops Salazar is tryna figure out what to do with the soldier they more or less kidnapped, Andrew, and basically, he wants to kill him. Travis thinks he’ll be more useful alive, and I’m fine with that. But what got me is that Travis looks at Pops like, “we’re bringing him”, like he’s making the decision. Dogg, Pops will cut your throat in a heartbeat. He let you think you made that decision. If you don’t take your “jogging in the middle of the apocalypse” ass on somewhere.

-Ofelia (apparently it’s not spelled the Shakespearean way) is mad at Pops for not only this torture, but past tortures he did and yo, there should be a statute of limitations on that, no? Sometimes, you need to torture people. Like, NEED TO. I trust Pops.

-As Madison is walking out of the house, she looks at where she would mark her family’s height on a wall, and there is a “Dad” in there. So, are we gon’ learn about him in Season 2? We better. Maybe we’ll see him as a zombie.

-They’re piling out into their cars, Ofelia is on some “fuck the neighbors” stuff because they didn’t help when the Army rolled in, but I’m not sure if she noticed that the Army also fucked with them. She acts like she is the only one affected by this. She’s moving up the ranks.

-Dr. Exner is tryna organize an extraction point where they can get picked up, and Liza is tryna figure out who she can take with her. Obviously, Chris, but then it spills over to Travis, Madison and her family, and Exner is like, NAH, you can’t take all them. She gets it down to Chris and Travis….now you gotta find them. Have fun with that.

-Soldier Andrew is tryna convince Travis to let him go and that Pops is only gon’ kill him, as he probably should. Travis is like, I won’t let him again, like he has a choice in the matter, but he is thinking about it and you know he is going to and it’ll come back to bite him. I threw my hands up on the plane.

-As they drive away, they see families having dinner and playing board games like nothing is happening….because they don’t know about Cobalt. I’m not sure if I’d tell people, either. Depending on how assholish the neighbors were to me in the past. My petty levels will skyrocket in the zombie apocalypse.

-They get to the compound where Nick and Liza are, and Pops opens up the gate so they can drive in, but he also looks back at Travis, who looks at the empty seat beside him, which means he let Andrew go. This mufucka, man.

-Pops rolls up on two soldiers who are looking out for stuff, and they threaten to shoot him, but he tells them to save their bullets. Out of nowhere, ALL OF THE ZOMBIES roll up, like, thousands of them. Let’s do this.

-The crew is in an underground parking lot, figuring out a plan and Pops calls out Travis for letting Andrew go, but nah, he told Travis where he needed to go and everything. Please let him die before this episode is over. PLEASE. And then to make matters worse, he tells Chris to hold it down with Alicia while the rest go in and find Nick, Liza and Mama Salazar (who they don’t know is dead yet). I’ll trust Alicia over Chris, please and thank you.

-Strand and Nick are in the holding cells, and again, going back to “Cobalt”, I thought Strand was a bad guy on the first watch, but I was only half paying attention. Turns out he has a key that’ll get he and Nick outta here when the shit goes down. And he talks like Anthony Hopkins in “Silence of the Lambs”, so you need to trust that dude. But Nick thieved his key and Strand is like, I knew I traded my cuff links for you for a reason.

-Liza and Exner are on top of the roof, where they notice what is going on outside and Exner is like, they’re not coming for us. Meanwhile, the crew is breaking in to find everyone as Exner gets confirmation that they’re on their own.

-Chris and Alicia are waiting, and Chris is tryna be positive and Alicia is like, “you can’t save everyone”. She has made a big turn for me over the last two episodes. Then they hear something and get back in the truck.

-Strand unlocks their cell and they walk out, and while everyone is yelling for them to be released as well, Strand says that the key isn’t one size fits all, and they’re probably better off in here than out there.

-As Chris and Alicia wait in the truck, their window is broken and it’s not zombies, but soldiers….zombies probably would have been better, although there would have been a lot more of them. They just want the truck and Chris is like, you’re not getting the keys. The sight of the soldiers pushing him around and eventually hitting him made me laugh out loud. Fuck you think you were gon’ do?

-The crew makes their way to where Adam said everyone would be, while the army is fighting the infected, and Liza is running through the place after Exner told her to get out. She gets outside and sees the army getting overrun, and they get through the fence. As she sees a couple of zombies starting to feed, that’s’ when she is like, oh shit. All of these characters need a couple of “oh shit” moments and Liza gets hers.

-Strand and Nick are also making their way through the compound and they run into the soldier who took Strand’s cuff links, but he is currently a buffet for a walker. So Strand says some slick shit to him, takes the cuff links and his gun and peaces out. Yup, I’m rollin’ with that dude.

-The crew gets to the holding cells and they find out that Strand and Nick just left, and they manage to open a few cells. Before I forget, tho: can we get Nick a change of clothes? He has been wearing that dead old man’s clothes for like, two weeks now. Come on, bruh.

-Anyway, they get trapped with a herd of walkers coming towards them, and this was actually pretty suspenseful because those walkers got close as shit. Also, the crew just happens to be on the other side of the door and they can’t get it open because you need a pass……and who shows up? Liza, who keeps swiping and swiping and finally gets it to work. So now they’re all together and they have a few run-ins with more infected, like Madison almost gets bit a couple times, Liza has to fight off a couple, but of course, everyone gets out unscathed…..or are they?

-Liza then tells Pops what happened to his wife, and Ofelia wilds out and wants to see her body and Liza is like, nah, ain’t nothin’ left, bruh. Meanwhile, Exner is shooting all of the patients in the head so they don’t turn and Liza is like, come with us, but Exner is in shock and Madison is like, she’s lost, let’s go. So they get some supplies and peace out. Madison also asks who the fuck Strand is and he’s like, got a house on the water with supplies and shit, let’s go there, and they’re like, bet.

-The crew walks by where they think Mama’s body is and Ofelia has a moment, but they keep heading towards the parking garage because they’ve been gone for a while now. And who pops out of nowhere with a gun? Andrew, the one that Travis was like, nah, he’s cool. I pray he shoots Travis, I think he’ll shoot Pops, but he ends up shooting Ofelia in the arm and Travis beats him to, if not death, close to it. Remember I said something about an “oh shit” moment? This is Travis’ second or third now. Get your shit together, bruh.

-They drive towards Strand, passing a slew of walkers on the deserted freeways, and when they get there, they see that Strand lives in a damn palace. Strand also said something about “Abigail”, which Nick probably assumed was a human, but it’s a yacht off the shore. Liza is walking away from everyone, and Madison goes after her, so Travis is like, nah, I gotta get in between this. He walks up right after Liza tells Madison that she has been scratched, and shows the mark. She wants Madison to shoot her because it’ll kill Travis, who protests and says they have antibiotics. Liza is like, I’ve seen this shit, that won’t work. But to his credit, Travis mans up and takes the gun from Madison and does the deed, and everyone hears the gunshot. Chris is crushed, and now everyone knows what the hell they’re dealing with. If they don’t by now, fuck ’em.

The first-season Fear The Walking Dead “Who Should Get Eaten” power rankings:

Chris (because he’s gon’ do some dumb shit next season where he is mad about his moms)

Travis (he might take that crazy-Rick turn after killing Liza)

Ofelia (see Chris)

Madison/Alicia (they’re ready for war now)

Some combination of Nick, Strand and Pops (I’m good with all them. Ruben Blades, who plays Pops, is the first-season MVP, by a wide, wide margin)

A few questions I have going into Season 2: How are they going to get to the yacht? That shit was far out. What’s good with Madison’s ex? I assume that’ll be a talking point. Is Travis ready to listen to Pops and do what needs to be done now? After everything they’ve seen and done already? And finally, the biggest question for me: how long can they stretch this out for? Fear The Walking Dead was supposed to be what happened before Rick woke up in the hospital, and that’s fine. But the apocalypse is here now, and I fear that if this goes longer than one more season (two, MAX), then we’ll just have two versions of the same show on TV and really, what would be the point? They’ll merge at some point, right?

Overall, I’m okay with Fear The Walking Dead. I didn’t like as much as the first season of the original, but it was better than Season 3 and the first half of Season 4 at the very least. It’ll be interesting to see where they go from here. As long as Nick gets a change of clothes, I’m good.

Fear The Walking Dead S01E04 – Not Fade Away

We finally hit a bump in the road that is Fear The Walking Dead, as “Not Fade Away” brings a conspiracy aspect to the show that I didn’t want to come, but knew it was anyway and it was just a matter of how they handled it. The introduction didn’t go so well, but hey, they can always fix it and besides, it’s only a matter of time before it all falls down. Let’s go…..

-We open with Nick, chillin’ in a pool like the world isn’t ending, Travis is outchea jogging while Pops Salazar looks at him out the window like, you’re a bitch-ass excuse for a man, and Chris is on top of the house, filming and narrating everything. He tells us about a house, another one that was burned last night, and people were taken somewhere with their shit, and there are the people outside the fence, so a perimeter has been made. We also learn that this is Day 9 since the Army swooped in, and I’m not sure any questions have been answered yet. Then as he is looking around, he sees a light flashing on and off in a house, outside the fence. So he’s obviously going to investigate it because why the fuck not?

-Madison is looking at a clock and deliberating on painting a room, and Alicia is like, are you serious right now? Then Madison and Travis start bickering about something stupid like the world isn’t ending, and Alicia is like, enough of this shit, this is not fucking normal. Then Ophelia Salazar walks in on the argument and says to Alicia, “are you ready to go?”.

-Chris is still on the roof, fuckin’ with a piece of glass to get the attention of whoever is in this house, and Travis ain’t tryna hear it at all, and he actually doesn’t see it, moreso because he doesn’t want to see it. This is Travis: the Army is here to help us, they wouldn’t lie to us blah blah blah……just look at the tape, b. Peter shoulda bit your ass last week.

-Madison rolls up on Nick in the pool and she has found a pill, and Nick is like, nah, I’m good. It’s almost like she is tryna goad him into taking it, and she has to know something is going on because he’s a little too easygoing for someone in withdrawal, especially after what we saw in the second episode, hell, even the last episode when he freaked out because Madison gave some pills to Mama Salazar, who has a broken foot.

-Some Army guy is briefing the citizens that they’re infect-free for a six-mile radius and everything is going well, and the citizens are yelling out random things like, where is the power and electricity, and people need medicine. He’s tryna tell them that they’re the lucky ones in a safe zone, and tries to make a joke about trying not to shoot them. That didn’t go over well at all. Meanwhile, we see Ophelia flirting with a soldier, and Alicia is like, should I be doing that as well?

-Army guy talks to Travis about one of his neighbors, Doug, who is a bit skeptical of all this, and he wants Travis to try and get through to him. Inside Doug’s house, his wife and daughters are all in masks and suits, and he is hiding in the bathroom. The long and short of it is that he doesn’t know how to explain to his family that it’ll all be okay…and he doesn’t even know if it’ll all be okay.

-While this is going on, Alicia looks at Madison and Chris painting the walls, and she wanders into Susan’s house, and I don’t know if I’d be doing that after she tried to eat me, but hey, that’s just me. She wanders into the garden of horrors, and I definitely wouldn’t be doing that. She sees a picture she made for Susan, who looked after she and Nick when they were kids, starts to cry and looks at the tattoo that Matt drew on her. Meanwhile, Travis has convinced Doug to get screened. We’re 17 minutes into the episode, and a lot has happened, but nothing has happened.

-Liza is playing nurse with some old man, and his wife tries to give her soup, while Nick spies on her from the place next door, which I’m now starting to think is just some random pool he has decided to chill in. Yeah, weening off the drugs, my ass. What is Junkie Boy up to?

-Chris tries to explain to Madison what he saw, and she ain’t tryna hear it, either, but then she looks at it and you know she ain’t lettin’ it slide. Meanwhile, we see what Junkie Boy is up to: he has been spying on that house because Liza has been giving the old man inside an IV drip of morphine, so Nick is laying until the bed, stealing this man’s morphine. GODDAMN. That’s a piece of shit move if I’ve ever seen it, but aye dogg, junkies gon’ junkie.

-Ophelia is now hugged up with the soldier, who is doing his damndest to get some, but she puts the brakes on that; she’s just tryna get medicine for her mom. Speaking of getting some, Madison and Travis are drinking and having sex in their car in the garage, and she uses that to bring up what Chris saw after he says some slick shit about Nick….these two families are going to come to a head at some point.

-They get interrupted by Doug’s wife because he has taken off somewhere in his stupid, precious car, so now Travis, half-drunk and post-sex, has to go out in find him. Lady, if you don’t get the entire fuck outta my garage……

-Anyway, we get to the next day and Madison is on the roof now, and she sees the light that Chris saw, while Travis finds Doug’s car, but no Doug. Alright, now we’re getting somewhere. They both seem to figure out that shit ain’t sweet outside the fence at all….so which one is going to investigate? I think we all know who.

-Travis goes to Army guy, who is working on his golf game, and Travis wants him to send out one patrol to try and find Doug, but Army guy says they found him and it doesn’t seem convincing. Then he brings up the light that Chris saw and Army guy is like, HE AIN’T SEEN NOTHIN’. Oh yeah, some shit is goin’ on out there. They didn’t really hide it well, but I wonder if that’s because we know what eventually happens. Fear The Walking Dead is going to run into that problem a lot over the next two seasons.

-Liza goes to see the old man and runs into an Army doctor, Dr. Exner, who seems shady right off the bat, but she calls Liza on not actually being a nurse; still, she knows what she is doing and they can use her. Dr. Exner looks super familiar, and that’s because Sandrine Holt has been in a ton of shit that when you go to her Wiki, you’re like, OH HER….also, she’s Canadian (born in England), so points for her.

-Of course, Madison is the one to go exploring, and she wanders into the desolate wasteland that is outside the fence. It’s a ghost town, littered with “MISSING” signs and abandoned cars and houses, and then it hits her: the stench of death. There are dead bodies EVERYWHERE, but she has to hide as a tank rolls through the town, and she ends up under a car beside a dead body. Not gon’ lie, I kinda wanted the body to turn right there.

-After the break, Liza and Dr. Exner are looking over Mama Salazar, and they decide that she is going to the facility, and Pops says he’s going with her, and Exner agrees, but he gives her all kinds of side-eye. The Salazars be knowin’.

-Then they find Nick chillin’ in the sun and they go over his junkie-ness, and Exner knows something is up as she offers him methadone, and no one believes that he has kicked the habit. Nick puts this on Liza, says she told Exner he is the neighborhood dope fiend….which he kinda is.

-Alicia makes an actual tattoo of the heart (I think it’s a heart) that Matt drew on her arm. We gotta see Matt again before the end of the season, right?

-Madison returns home and Pops starts grillin’ her like he’s her dad and she just came home late. But Madison spills everything about what she saw outside the fence, and Pops is like, yup, something is going on. He tells some story that I’ve heard twice and still don’t know what the story was about, only that people do evil out of fear, so the Army fears something. That’s what I got out of it. The writing in this episode left a lot to be desired. Then he goes on to say if it happens, it’ll happen quickly and that he’s going with his wife, but if he doesn’t come back, Madison has to take care of Ophelia, who is a grown-ass woman she points out, but Pops ain’t havin’ it and Madison is like, aight, fine. I’m not quite sure I’d trust Madison with my child if I had one, but hey, beggars can’t be choosers in the zombie apocalypse, I guess.

-Nick is in the old man’s room and he’s pressed because they took him, which means there are no drugs, and Madison puts things together that he has been stealing his painkillers. She says, “you have no idea” and in possibly my favorite scene in the series so far, beats the ever-lovin’ shit out of him. Hey man, she’s tried the be-a-nice-mom-to-your-junkie-son route, and that didn’t work. If there was ever a situation in which child abuse is okay, this is it.

-Nick is in the bathroom now and Alicia tries to talk to him, but he won’t let her in and Travis tries to intervene, but Alicia is like, dogg that’s my brother, you’re not even blood and he walks away like, shit, you’re right. She sees the bruises and figures out what is going on. Madison is drinking in the garage because that’s what we’re doing now, but they’re interrupted by the Army bumrushing the house, and they take Mama Salazar, but not Pops, and they also take Nick. Liza mouths to Chris that she loves him and leaves with the Army, and Madison is on the warpath because she thinks/knows that Liza had something to do with this. Travis is like, these girlfriend/ex-wife problems got a brotha stressed.

-Alicia is under a blanket, reading a note to someone named Patrick, and the person saw something that they thought was unnatural, and what that person saw was a prophecy. That person will also see Patrick soon, and they’re sorry, and they love him. While this is going on, Travis goes to the roof and sees the light that Chris and Madison both saw.

So, did Alicia write that note or did she find it? Who is Patrick? What did the note-writer see? Travis finally has to believe that something ain’t right…..right?

Overall, this was probably the worst Fear TWD episode so far, but the end saved it from being a disaster, which the original TWD has been known to do, but I also know that these episodes are necessary in the grand scheme of things, and every single episode is not going to be on fire all the time. It seemed to jump around a lot and no one is focusing on the big problem, although the ending seems to have everyone on the same page. Madison and Pops are tryna get their people back (does anyone know where Ophelia is?), Travis is coming around, Alicia seems to be the only one making sense (and I never saw that coming at all), and yo, what about Doug? On to Episode 5.

Fear The Walking Dead S01E03 – The Dog

After the Labor Day break, Fear The Walking Dead returns with “The Dog”, which means we’re at the midway point of their compact first season. After two episodes of not knowing what is going on, would the crew start to piece together that shit is about to get so very real? Let’s go…….

-We open at the Salazar barbershop, where Travis and crew are tryna wait out the riots, but Chris won’t stay away from the window and he sees a masked man/zombie in a hoodie with red eyes, which startles him and Travis is like, the fuck did I tell you about the windows? Meanwhile, Madison is back at the house with Alicia and Nick, and they keep hearing weird noises, so I’m waiting for them to go investigate, because Madison is an investigative mufucka. Nick doesn’t care tho, because he’s crushin’ up these pills and not rationing at all. I really hope that, on the Season 1 DVD, the tagline is, “Junkies Gon’ Junkie”.

-In the barbershop, everyone but Travis notices that the rioters have broken in next door and the walls aren’t that thick, but Travis says they won’t come in the barbershop because there is nothing to steal. However, I don’t think he realizes that mufuckas are just breaking stuff. Chris grabs a straight razor and Pops Salazar tells him to put it back, but then goes to Travis and I think he alludes to having guns in the shop. While they’re going back and forth, Chris notices the walls getting hot, which means the place next door is on fire and whether they want to or not, it’s time to get out. They open the door and rioters move right past them, which is a stroke of luck.

-As they get outside amongst the rioters, Travis, Chris and Liza notice someone eating a cop’s neck, to which Nick is like, uhhhhhh, should we do something and Travis grabs him. So, hint #1 for Chris (and Liza) that this isn’t your ordinary riot. Don’t think the Salazars noticed, tho. I don’t think anyone did.

-Madison, Alicia and Nick are having a nice, quiet game of Monopoly (I bet Nick is cheating) and they Alicia mentions her dad, whom we still know nothing about. Meanwhile, Travis is still tryna lead the crew through the streets, but a scaffold falls on Mama Salazar, which was funny because I thought to myself that one of the Salazars wasn’t getting to the truck alive. But they manage to rescue her and get to Travis’ truck, which is surprisingly not destroyed and I feel some kinda way about it, but hey, it’s a show about zombies and you just gotta let some shit slide.

-They drive away and realize that Mama Salazar needs a doctor, and Travis has a look like, we need more than a doctor. Meanwhile, the board game is still going at Madison’s house, but then she looks like she heard a gunshot. Back in the truck, they get to a hospital, but they realize something is going on when the cops start shooting patients, which we know to be zombies, but they think are just people….well, Travis has an idea of what they are and Pops Salazar knows something is up. So yeah, there will be no hospital today and Pops is like, we’re comin’ to your house like you bumrushed my shop, and my cousin will come pick us up. Travis begrudgingly agrees as they notice the power going out all over Los Angeles.

-Seems like there are more commercials, or maybe they’re longer. Get that money, AMC. I ain’t mad at it.

-Nick is tryna persuade Madison that Travis isn’t coming back, which is kind of an asshole thing to do (especially when he started off with “I’m not tryna be an asshole”), and we know she isn’t leaving without him. We also learn that no one has told Alicia anything about anything yet, not what they saw with Calvin, what she saw with Artie, nothing and that’s how mufuckas get killed. They keep hearing noises outside and Nick realizes its a dog, which they let into the house, of course, because WHY THE FUCK NOT. Nick has his hands all in blood on the dog, and he doesn’t think it’s the dog’s blood, which is just wonderful. Then they realize the neighbor from the last episode that attacked the other neighbor having the party, and he’s just standing there, with blood on his face, looking kinda zombie-ish.

-So of course, they leave the house and go to another neighbor’s house, because Nick knows they have a shotgun and he knows where the keys are. Again, junkies can be beneficial in the zombie apocalypse. They walk through a garden, which looks like the maze from the end of the first season of True Detective, get into the house and Madison notices that the neighbor, Susan, isn’t home. Someone about to almost get eaten, possibly Alicia because she’s walking around the house by herself because no one has told her what is going on.

-Alicia also notices that the zombie neighbor (Peter) has managed to get into their house. Well, not managed….since they left the door open. I swear, bruh. Like, come on. They also hear the dog barking…and then not barking. Just then, Travis pulls up with the crew because, timing.

-So they run out of the house, not looking for anything, and they brought the gun, but they don’t have shells, so of course Alicia goes back to get them. Meanwhile, Travis is in the house, where they hear something, and he walks in on Peter buffeting on the dog, and Peter is like, sweet, dessert. Travis tries to talk to him because that’s what you do when you see a mufucka eating a dog, and Peter gets him on the ground. He manages to get up and Madison is going to shoot it, and Travis tells her not to, but Pops Salazar is like, man, you’re stupid and shoots Peter not once, but twice in the head.

-Meanwhile, Alicia is getting the shells when she sees a pair of legs, which turns out to be zombie Susan, so she runs, but zombie Susan catches up to Alicia, who is caught in this damn maze and who the hell has a garden like that anyway? She screams and they hear her, and she barely gets away, but not before she punched Chris in the nose for tryna help. She asks what’s wrong with Susan because again, NO ONE HAS TOLD HER WHAT IS GOING ON. Madison tries to talk to Susan because, well, it’s Madison. She is basically Dale from The Walking Dead. I couldn’t stand his bitch ass.

-Nick is the only one with sense as he says that she isn’t sick, she’s dead, while Alicia starts to realize that’s what happened to Matt and goes into denial. Travis is also in denial and asks Nick why he said that and Nick is like, it’s the truth. Travis then tells Chris that everyone is just getting sick. Sorry bruh, sick doesn’t make you eat dogs.

-Liza is tryna help Mama Salazar and her foot and asks if there is anything for pain, and it’s quick, but she looks right at Nick and that’s good shit, like, I know your junkie ass has some shit.Travis decides they’re gon’ have a sleepover and leave in the morning, which sounds like a terrible plan, but The Walking Dead franchise is built on terrible plans.

-Travis takes Peter’s body outside and Pops is like, you better burn him so it doesn’t spread, but Travis ain’t tryna hear it. Travis says that Peter didn’t deserve this, but really, what is this deserve shit? That doesn’t even make any sense. Pops is lookin’ at Travis like, you’re gon’ get everyone killed, b.

-After a scene between Travis and Liza (they didn’t say anything at all), the Salazars are in a bedroom and Pops decides that they’re not going with Travis and Madison, and the daughter thinks it’s not the worst idea in the world. But Pops is old school and doesn’t wanna owe anyone anything. Of course, he’ll chill in their house, but I don’t know if that counts. Anyway, my guess is that Mama Salazar dies from infection and turns before the end of the season.

-Madison is starting to get it as Travis apologizes to her for Pops blowing Peter’s head off, and she says, “he had to”. He looks at her like he didn’t see Peter eating a dog. Why is no one paying attention to the fact that MUFUCKA WAS EATING A DOG?

-Liza sees Madison in the kitchen and is like, look, we don’t like each other, but we gotta be friends or at least civil so we can stay alive and Madison is like, fine, but if what happens to me, happens to Susan, you shoot me because Travis is a bitch and will break. Okay, she didn’t say he was a bitch, but I mean, come on. And I’m really interested to learn more about how Madison and Travis hooked up. They were teachers at the same school, so did they have an affair or were their marriages done by that time? That’s probably some Season 2 shit.

-I keep forgetting that Lauren Cohan from The Walking Dead has a British mother and grew up there, so the accent throws me off. Same with Gillian Anderson. Andrew Lincoln, too, to stay in the TWD world. Anyway, October 11th. It’s about to be on.

-The morning comes and Travis is taking out the garbage, which is basically a bloody blanket and he and the neighbor are looking at each other like both of them were doing shady shit, which could very well be true. Pops is teaching Chris about shotguns and Travis is not havin’ it because he isn’t a fan of guns, but he’s gon’ have to get over that very quickly, he’ll learn. Travis is also being rather smart with Pops, who coulda left his ass out in the riots.

-They’re getting ready to leave, but Madison decides she’s gon’ have one last conversation with Susan before she hits her with a hammer, but Travis stops her because Susan might have some humanity left. This is a punk move by Travis, but probably the right move because Madison would have likely gotten herself bitten or killed. Pops looks out of the window and calls them, “weak”. Man, Pops be knowin’. After just one night, too. I might stay back with him.

-Madison gets in the car and tells Nick she gave some of the pills to Mama for her foot, and he freaks out because again, say it with me: junkies gon’ junkie. They can handy in the zombie apocalypse because they’re sneaky, but they’re also chasing one thing, and one thing only. He says that he doesn’t need her, he needs his medicine and at this point, Madison should kick him out and be like, aye, we got one extra seat, who wants it?

-Pops hits us with the line of the season: “Good people are the first ones to die”. Pops is down to do dirt in these streets.

-They’re calling for Alicia and I thought she had snuck off to see Matt, but she comes out. The two vehicles are driving off when Madison sees Susan’s husband, Patrick, drive up to his house. So she tries to warn him, of course, and he is like, the fuck is wrong with you, Susan? He goes to give her a hug, and Susan is like, LUNCH, but before they embrace, an Army team emerges and shoots her in the head.

-Soldiers are asking Travis and Madison questions, and she just walks off because privilege, and she starts asking soldiers who are checking the perimeter of the house what they’re doing and what is happening. Man, listen. My eyes did a 720 I rolled them that hard. Ol’ Nancy Drew ass, grab your family, get in the car and get the fuck on. Then she lies and says that there is a dead dog until this mound of dirt when it’s actually Peter’s body, which they could study, but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

-Meanwhile, Nick is on the hunt for drugs when a little girl in the house next door notices him, and I figured a zombie would take her out.

-Travis ends the episode with, “it’s going to be better now” because the Army is there. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhht. Meanwhile, Pops is lookin’ out the window and says, “they’re too late”. Damn, he’s great.

This was easily the most infuriating episode of Fear The Walking Dead to date, and I’m still giving them slack because it’s new and no one really knows, for sure, what is going on. But I’d like to think after seeing a dude eat a dog, the shit with Calvin, the shit with Artie, the shit with Susan, etc…..eventually, you gotta suck it up and start thinking like Pops. So now it’s just a matter of Travis and Madison getting their shit together, and seriously, someone tell Alicia what is going on. Because right now, the only reason she’s not at the top of my “Who I Want To Get Eaten” Power Rankings (right now, it’s Travis, Madison, Alicia, Chris, Liza….the Salazars are good) is because she hasn’t seen as much as everyone else, but I also think she’ll soon demand to know what’s up, if she’s as smart as the show would have us believe. Anyway, thumbs up….looking forward to next week.

Fear The Walking Dead S01E02 – So Close, Yet So Far

After a solid pilot episode that shattered ratings records for cable programs, Fear The Walking Dead returned with their second of six episodes this season (15 episodes are lined up for Season 2), “So Close, Yet So Far”, another good episode that is bound to make you mad, but in a good way, I think. Let’s go…..

-We open with the principal, Art, patrolling the empty hallways of the school, which has been evacuated until they can figure out what the hell is going on. He hears something and turns around, yet tells the person on the other end of the radio that it’s all clear, so you know nothing good is going to happen to him. Then you have Alicia, the snarky daughter, walking down the street and she passes her boyfriend Matt’s house, with the door ajar….again, a sign that something bad is going to, or has, gone down. She walks in, there is a broken vase on the floor and in his room, all you hear is groans as she steps back and gasps, “OH MY GOD”. Obviously (well, not to her), Matt is on his way to Zombieland.

-Shoutout to the opening music, which is short, sweet, ominous and lets you know that it’s about to go down. It’s not even music really, it just sounds like someone slammed one button on a keyboard and let that shit ride.

-Travis, Madison and Nick leave the scene of their clash with Zombie Calvin, and they’re callin’ around to gather up Travis’ ex-wife and son and Alicia, who answers and tells Madison that she’s with Matt, while Nick is messin’ around with the radio tryna get some news. When Madison learns where Alicia is, she tells her to don’t touch Matt, who has a wild fever and no one can get through to 911, so Travis steps on it and heads to Matt’s. Mmmmmhmmmm, AMC, I’m keepin’ count. Three-for-three on zombiefied brothas.

-Travis’ bitch-ass son gets on the bus and ignores a call from his father, which jumps him above Alicia in the “You need to get eaten” power rankings. Speaking of, she’s tryna nurse Matt to health when Madison and ’em show up, and she won’t leave his side. The naivety of these people is maddening, but I have to keep telling myself that we, the audience, know what is going on and how this is going to end, but they, the characters in the story, don’t, and you think that the overwhelming thought is, “OMG IT’S THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE”, you’re out of your mind. Most people don’t think that way (and you’re not special if you do, so stop it). And even when you realize what is going on, do you know how hard that is to process? Anyway, more on this throughout the recap, I would reckon.

-Anyway, Travis finds a bite mark on Matt’s neck and he’s like, yeah, we gotta get the fuck outta here and Alicia doesn’t want to go, but Matt figures out what is going as well and is like, listen to your mother and go. I also want to him to bite the shit outta her face. Meanwhile, Nick is going through the bathroom cabinet because, well, withdrawal is a motherfucker and junkies gon’ junkie.

-Chris (Travis’ son) is on the bus still, and it stops as a cop has shot a homeless man, apparently, and people rush off the bus. I really hope this doesn’t turn into some sort of societal statement on cops and people. I don’t think this is the right show for that. Travis, Madison and the kids head home and see their neighbor outside setting up for a party, because when you hear that places are being shut down because of a virus, that is the first thing you should do: have a party and invite more people. Meanwhile, one of the other neighbors is coughing while packing up to get the fuck out.

-Nick asks Madison if she’s going to tell the neighbor about what is going on, and he also tells Madison that he’s about to step into a world of shit. I didn’t catch on to it at first because I was thinking about all the zombieness, but yeah, junkies gon’ junkie. Travis leaves to go pick up his ex-wife (Liza) and Chris, and Madison says she’ll wait for him to go to the desert, but he insists she leaves. A lot of people are gon’ die tryna be nice and chivalrous in these Fear TWD streets.

-Travis gets to Liza’s house, and she was an asshole to him on the phone, talkin’ about her legal rights and when he’s supposed to come there and shit, and he’s all, “YO, THIS IS NOT THE FUCKING TIME”, but he still doesn’t really tell her what is going on. He uses her phone to call Chris, who will pick up because you BETTER not ignore a phone call from Moms, and they learn that he is at a protest that was started by the cops shooting this homeless guy. Meanwhile, Alicia is on junkie-withdrawal duty, which means getting a bucket for Nick, who isn’t handling this shit well at all. Madison can’t get a hold of her doctor, but she comes up with a plan that involves leaving Alicia with Nick, which sounds like an all-around terrible idea, but there might not be much else she can do. She’s also depending on Alicia to not be an asshole and leave her brother, and that’s like, 50/50 at best.

-I forgot, while Travis is en route to Liza’s, he sees a cop putting all kinds of bottled water in his trunk. Yeah, something really bad is going on here.

-Madison’s plan is to go to the school and see if she can find anything in the first-aid room, and I loved this scene because it was slow and drawn out, and you’re just waiting on some bad shit to happen, especially when you think back to the beginning of the episode. Then she goes into a pitch-black room and you’re like, yep, you’re gettin’ fucked up and then you see someone walk into a room where she’s essentially cornered….but it’s Tobias, the kid who just wants his knife back. It’s kinda weird that, number one, he could get into the school (unless Madison left the door unlocked, which is possible) and two, he’s so pressed for that knife. Shit must be a family heirloom or has the antidote for the virus in it or something.

-Chris is still at this protest with a video camera, and it’s turning into a statement on police brutality and rights and all that shit, and I’m not really here for it: in most places, yes, but not in a zombie show; but again, these people don’t know what is coming. Madison and Tobias are still in the school and Tobias wants to grab some canned goods because he knows that this ain’t gon’ stop.

-Alicia gives Nick some food and he’s like NOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAPPP,  and then she goes to leave to see Matt, but Nick basically forces himself to choke on his own vomit and now she has to decide: her brother or her boyfriend? She chooses her brother, who even says that Matt is going to kill her, and saves her life, even though she says she hates him. Yo, someone gotta tell her what is going on; either that, or in the zombie apocalypse, everyone in high school or younger is gettin’ thrown in the bushes. Mufuckas are irrational at that age (although, we learn as we get older, so are adults. Just kill everyone you meet). I think she would listen to Nick right off the break.

-Madison and Tobias are leaving the school, but they walk past the audio switchboard and hear something, which Tobias recognizes as “one of them”, so they decide to peace out immediately. They’re running, but then Madison sees Zombie Art (or as a commenter at the AV Club called him, “Zombama”, thanks to the homie Caitlin for pointing that out because that shit is greatness”), being Madison, she has to try and save a mufucka. Look, I know it’s naivety and no one knows what is going on. But Zombie Art is staggering towards you, not responding to his name, and just look at his face…..FUCKING RUN. LEAVE THE FOOD, LEAVE THE KID, LEAVE EVERYTHING, FUCKING RUN.

-Tobias is better than me because he jumps in the middle when Zombie Art attacks Madison, and stabs him in the shoulder with his little knife, so instead, he gets attacked while Madison stands at the top of the steps down which they fell, lookin’ dumb as shit. She finally grabs a fire extinguisher while Tobias is holding this mufucka off somehow, and it takes a few good strikes, but finally knocks him out.

-They’re walking out of the school towards the car when they should be runnin’ like hell, while Travis and Liza get to the protest and find Chris, who doesn’t want to leave, but fuck his feelings. A zombie woman shows up in the middle of things and the cops shoot her, but I don’t think anyone in the crowd saw that she was fucked up, and of course, they start rioting. It’s chaotic and they’re running, when they see a man closing up his shop and Travis begs him to let them in until this ends. The man doesn’t want to, but his wife is like, dude, come on now. Also, shoutout to the dude that might not have been finished his haircut when he got kicked outta the barber shop. Gotta roll into the zombie apocalypse with a fucked-up fade.

-Madison drops Tobias off and offers for him to go with her and her family, but he says he’ll be alright, so the countdown to seeing Zombie Tobias begins. He’s the only one that seems to know that this won’t end. Meanwhile, a car rolls by with little girls in the back wearing hospital masks.

-Travis is starting to realize what is going on and scares this family half to death, and he says they have to get far away from here, but good luck with that because the freeway is backed up like shit. Meanwhile, Madison finally gets home and still won’t tell Alicia what is going on. She gives Nick a couple of OxyContin and he’s like, um, you don’t wanna see this as he gets to work because again, junkies gon’ junkie. Madison goes upstairs to wash Zombie Art’s blood out of her shirt and starts to cry as she is finally realizing what is going on; again, this is a lot to process to the majority of mufuckas out here. Travis calls her and tells her where he is, and I want a camera angle of Liza in the background when he asks Madison if she got Travis his meds. I bet she sucked her teeth real hard and was like, “Oh, you mean DRUGS?”. That shit woulda been good. Anyway, he tells her again to leave without him and she won’t before the signal cuts out.

-Alicia keeps asking Madison if she is okay and what is going on, and when she sees Party Neighbor getting attacked outside by a zombie (but she doesn’t know it yet, and I think it’s the neighbor that was coughing earlier), she wants to run out and help and Madison shuts the door and locks it. Yo……seriously. Tell her what is going on within the first 10 minutes of the next episode.

-While this is going on, we get cuts of dead Zombie Art in the school, the riots going on outside, Matt’s parents finally arrived at the house, but the trunk is still opened and the suitcases are on the ground, which can’t be a good sign, so we also have a countdown to seeing Zombie Matt. Nick is nappin’ like a junkie, which means he’s not gettin’ up for a hot minute. The wife of the barbershop man is praying for, well, everything at this point and then blows out the candle to end the episode.

“So Close, Yet So Far” kept the story moving as people are still slow to figure out what is going on. At this point, if you thought that Fear The Walking Dead was going to move faster than the original, you’re either trying to convince yourself or not paying attention. The Walking Dead has allowed Fear to move at its own pace and we’re going to get there. But today’s viewer isn’t patient and they want a cliffhanger every week, which can be tiresome as shit. You gotta let the story breathe because as I keep saying, it’s a lot to process. However, by the looks of the preview for the next episode, which is in two weeks for some reason, the scales are going to tip in a big, big way for Fear The Walking Dead.

Fear The Walking Dead S01E01 – Pilot

It has been a random summer for television over here, with some good (Ballers), some bad (True Detective), some still yet to be decided (Sense8) and some that I’ll get around to eventually (Mr. Robot). But really, I’ve been waiting on Fear The Walking Dead since I heard it was a thing, and the pilot episode didn’t disappoint. Let’s go…

-We open with a junkie named Nick, who looks like a cross between Johnny Depp and Jack White, but wacked on heroin, waking up in a church because where else are junkies supposed to sleep? He calls out for his friend Gloria, but he finds a guy who is bleeding from the head and has a bite mark on his neck. So he’s like, alright, still high, fair enough, but then Nick stumbles upon Gloria, who is buffeting on a dead guy (at least I hope he was dead because that would SUCK), and when Gloria looks at him with blood on her mouth and zombie eyes, he bolts and runs out into the middle of the street where he gets hit by a car. Two things about this: try and watch this again, and watch Nick run. It’s hilarious, he’s like a child running downhill. Two, maybe I was laughing too hard at that, but it looked like Nick got hit from behind, which would make that driver a really shitty driver. Probably texting or some shit.

-Side note: Nick is played by Frank Dillane, whose father is Stephen Dillane, who plays Stannis in Game Of Thrones. He was also apparently in a Harry Potter movie or something, but I don’t watch that shit.

-Then we meet the protagonists of the show, Madison, who reminds of Julie Bowen (Claire from Modern Family), her daughter Alicia, who is a smartass and shoulda got dropkicked in the chest for yellin’ at her mom like that, and her fiance Travis. They get a phone call and it turns out that Nick is Madison’s son from her first marriage, and he is in the hospital, where he has had to be restrained because he was ranting about all sorts of crazy shit, which of course, we know to be true. Alicia makes a couple smartass comments to Travis about him moving in to the family, so we know what role she’ll play going forward. Travis then has to call his ex and cancel on picking up his biological son, who doesn’t want to go with him anyway, and the son is up there with Alicia on the list of “people I want eaten already”. Madison then tells Travis that he didn’t sign up for this, and he’s like, “well, I’m here, I’ll stay with him” as she leaves. What a guy.

-Madison and Alicia are driving and Madison is trying to talk to her, but Alicia won’t take her earphones off, and then she says Madison should listen to Travis and stop supporting Nick, a junkie who won’t stop being a junkie. But of course, Madison won’t do that as they get to school, so we learn that she is a teacher. She is walking through the halls with the principal, Marty, and they stop this kid, Tobias, and Madison runs his pockets to find a knife, so it’s to the office with him.

-She thinks he has the knife because he’s getting bullied, but Tobias starts going on about how they’re safer in numbers and nobody’s going to college because of news reports stating that people are killing other people and they don’t know if it’s a virus, or what it is, but Madison is convinced that he is just reading too much bullshit online, which is fair. So there, we learn that the outbreak started and mufuckas weren’t tryna hear it, which takes me back to the first season of The Walking Dead because no one really knew what the hell was going on.

-Alicia sneaks out of school and apparently she’s insanely smart, and she goes to meet her boyfriend Matt, who is black and that probably made people more mad than the idea of the zombie apocalypse. I’m sure there was some good ‘cism going on in the Twitter streets, which is why I’m avoiding all that shit.

-Anyway, Nick is at the hospital and wakes up from a nightmare, and he tells Travis what he saw and Travis bites (no pun intended). He heads to the church to see what Nick was talking about and finds a junkie freakin’ out, yelling “DON’T KILL ME” and he finds a pool of blood, possibly from the buffet Gloria was having earlier, or it could be a new one, or just straight-up junkie blood. Either way, it wasn’t pretty.

-The family is at the hospital, and Alicia feeds Nick while Travis tells Madison about what Nick said he saw, and what he saw at the church, but Madison just dismisses it as junkie talk, but which is fair, I guess, but Travis saw some ill shit as well. Meanwhile, Nick is lying to Alicia in her face and telling her he’ll get clean, and I laugh. She goes off to meet her boyfriend again, while Madison accuses Travis of trying to help Nick in lieu of seeing his own bitch-ass son who needs to be eaten anyway.

-So everyone is gone and Nick tries to get the nurse to untie a hand, and she’s like NOAP, but then his roommate, an old man, starts to die, which causes a commotion and he somehow gets out anyway, taking the old man’s stuff and peacin’ the fuck out. Watching him walk around in old-man clothes was pretty good, this Dillane kid, acting is obviously in his genes, he’s pretty solid. Definitely the best part of the episode. Meanwhile, Madison and ’em show up later and they’re like, where the hell is Nick and the nurse is like, BITCH I DON’T KNOW, HE’S GONE. I feel like Madison woulda put up more of a fight, but hey, it’s only a 90-minute episode.

-Travis takes Madison to the church of horrors because she wanted to go, then they get there and she realizes that probably wasn’t the best idea she has ever had. They then visit his friend Calvin to see if they know where he is, but he doesn’t. That’s two black people so far. Good job, AMC. You’re gettin’ there.

-Madison and Travis hear gunshots while driving on the highway, and they’re seeing police helicopters in the sky, but it’s Los Angeles, so they don’t seem to think much of it. Still, something has to be up because Travis dips off the highway with the quickness.

-They get to school the next day (Travis is also a teacher, so that’s where they met), and there are more sick students, while the police are there and Alicia is on her phone, looking at leaked footage of a man getting beaten with bats by the cops (again, something not surprising in L.A.), and then they shoot the man….who gets back up. Some people think it’s fake, but it looks pretty damn real, then he principal announces that there will be a half-day and all but evacuates the place. Madison gets Alicia and meets up with Travis, but as she is walking out, she sees Tobias on the bus and he hits her with that “BITCH I TOLD YOU” look. That shit needs to be a GIF.

-Nick then meets up with Calvin, who is his dealer (OF COURSE HE IS) and Nick is like, dude, the fuck did you give me? Calvin is like, it wasn’t that and then he says he has some more, so junkies gon’ junkie and Nick is in. Then they go to a shipping area of some sort and Nick sees that Calvin has a gun in his pocket, which may or may not have even been for him; as a heroin dealer, it’s just part of the job to have a gun on you, yeah? Anyway, in a fight, Nick somehow gets the gun and shoots Calvin, which is fuckin’ weak, although junkies do have super strength at times if Florida news has taught me anything.

-Anyway, Nick called Travis off-screen to tell him where he was at and he goes there with Madison, and Nick takes them to where he shot Calvin, but the body is gone. They’re confused, but they’re like, well, guess we’ll leave and behind them is Zombie Calvin, and Madison pulls up the white-people trope of having to investigate everything instead just running the fuck away, and almost gets bit in the process. Nick is like, fuck this and gets in Travis’ truck and runs Zombie Calvin the fuck over, and again, Zombie Calvin gets up. Finally, Nick hits Zombie Calvin and he falls a good distance….and he starts moving again and they’re like, WHAT IN THE FUCK.

As far as pilots go, Fear The Walking Dead nailed it. It set the tone for being creepy and it might even be darker than The Walking Dead, which is darker than a lot of people remember, especially the first season. I’m not putting it up there with TWD yet, though, it’s one episode. But the Nick character was good, the Madison character is good and naive, and I assume we’re going to end up seeing both sides of the family together as they try and escape when shit goes down. Between the pilot and the preview for next week when it looks shit is about to really get real, I’m in.