Category Archives: Sons Of Anarchy

Sons Of Anarchy S07E13 – Papa’s Goods

Well, after a bunch of ups and downs, countless unnecessary murders, some terrible song choices and a nice little run to close things out, Sons Of Anarchy wrapped up seven seasons of fuckery with “Papa’s Goods”, which has a couple different meanings to it. Let’s go…

-Jax is waking up after his romp wth Wendy, and as he moves around the house, going to see the kids and such, you just get the feeling that he won’t make it through the day alive. That was cemented for me as he left the crib in boots, not the white Nikes, which were covered in Gemma’s blood anyway. He goes to the storage locker where Gemma said his father’s manuscripts were, and he burns them, along with some pictures and birth/death certificates. Yeah, there is no way he makes it outta this day alive and he shouldn’t, even he knows it.

-Apparently, the opening song is a Springsteen joint. I’m not a fan of this song or dude in general.

-Next, Jax heads to T-M to look at his father’s bike, which has been shown here and there throughout the season, and a friend of mine (shoutout to Brian) said this would play into the end, but we’ll get to that. Then he heads to visit Opie, where he lays his SONS rings on his tombstone, then he kisses Tara’s tombstone, which will now watch over his wedding ring. The next stop is Red Woody, where the boys are watching the next cinematic classic, “Fat Ass In My Face”, and we see a white girl with a big ass shaking it in some dude’s face. I kinda want Red Woody to be a spinoff, if only for the film titles. Jax kisses Lyla on the forehead and tells her he loves her, and she returns it, but even she has a look like, “fuck is up with Jax, he gon’ die or what?”.

-Jax goes through the plan to get Tyler to draw Connor out since the IRA kings want him gone, and they’re going to show up early to talk to Tyler about some shit. But the real fun is that the bylaw saying no blacks in SAMCRO has been thrown in the bushes, which means TO gets to join the club, not even as a prospect because he led the GBs for a decade and has done a lot for the club. See? If SAMCRO can see past that ‘cism, we can all….I don’t even know what I was gon’ write next, but I’m laughing.

-Nero gets to Jax’s where Wendy is there, and Nero wants to speak to Jax, but he obviously isn’t there. The two sort out some plans for their trip to Nero’s farm and he leaves, but Wendy knows something is up.

-The boys arrive at a baseball field to meet Tyler, and here we arrive at my first major gripe with this episode. I rewatched it and you see a woman walk behind the group, like, real close, close enough that it looks like a crew member walking out of the shot and that is just sloppy editing. I don’t know, man, that pissed me off. Even more the second time. Anyway, Tyler tells Jax that Marks will be out of jail by the end of the day, and even though Jax says it’ll be okay, Tyler is like, yeah, you live 75 miles away. He isn’t wrong. Marks gon’ be PISSED when he gets home. That being said, he also has a dead army.

-Connor shows up to the meet early and busts some shots at the boys as they’re on their bikes, so you know what that means. Obviously there was gon’ be a chase scene in the SOA finale and I understand that some people didn’t like it because it was cheesy; I liked it because it WAS cheesy, from the shitty Elvis cover that was completely out of place to going through a doll warehouse. It’s SOA, man, it is what it is. Connor gets away thanks to a dump truck that gets in the way, and we have no idea what happens to the driver.

-Nero shows up at T-M looking for Unser and finds Chucky, who says Unser isn’t back yet, so you know Nero knows what is going on. Chucky still wants to know what’s up and Nero won’t tell him, and I get the feeling that Chucky is the only one out of Gemma’s simp gang that didn’t want to fuck her. Nero then goes into Unser’s trailer to find all his information about Tara’s murder and that is when he is like, shit, I sent Unser to his death.

-Jax and Chibs are chillin’ on the Red Woody roof, and Jax is like, you need to sit down because I’ma lay out everything for you from the start, for real and Chibs is like, it’s about fucking time. I bet by the end of it, he wanted to change his mind. Basically, Jax is like, y’all gotta vote to kill me and this is what is best for everyone and even though Chibs holds on, you gotta remember, Chibs calls Jax “Jackie Boy” because he has known this dude since he was a child and has watched him groomed to get to this position. Fuckin’ right you would be emotional too. Lowkey, Tommy Flanagan might be the MVP of this season. Downstairs, Tig brings up Connor’s boy Hugh and a couple of his goons, and Lyla asks if Jax is alright. Tig says they’re all good, but I don’t think he believes it as he tells her to wrap the film up for the day.

-Jax and Chibs wrap up their moment and Jax tells him that this is how you become a leader, by doing shit you don’t wanna do, but you have to do. These last like, four episodes, Charlie Hunnam has surprised the shit outta me. He’s probably a better actor than I thought he was. Anyway, Hugh comes up and Jax asks him to set up a meet with Connor, and Hugh is like, how do I do that? Tig and Chibbs shoot his goons and says that should be persuasive enough, especially after he sees pictures. Jax’s best plans are usually the most simple ones.

-DA Patterson (I had no idea that was her last name, she has been on the show for what, three seasons?) pops by Jarry’s office and we ain’t seen her for a hot minute. The two brief each other on what’s up, and they decide to put an APB out on Gemma, and the DA says that Jax asked to see her. The DA then says something about the numbers by reflecting the work Jarry has done and she is in a tough spot by trying to figure out how close to get to the streets and I’m like, does she know Jarry is gettin’ this SAMCRO D on the low?

-Connor meets Hugh, and then SAMCRO shows up with the Mayans in tow, and everyone learns that Connor has been selling guns to friggin’ everyone from Northern Cali to Nevada. Then a couple of Irish show up and I figure that is that for Connor, but SAMCRO kills the kings and comes up with the new plan: Connor sells to the Mayans, who will distribute, and he’ll hang around because he can’t go back to Belfast, so he better grow into this relationship.

-A couple things about this: man, Happy’s face was good as shit when they shot the Irish. That might have been his biggest smile of the series. Chibs then taps on Connor’s shoulder with the gun and is like, you’re supposed to say something, bruh, promoting him to say thank you to Jax. Jax smiles like, damn, I’ma miss that type of shit. Finally, Connor says something to Jax about not coming back from killing an IRA King and Jax ain’t shook like, man, this is the least of the shit I won’t be coming back from.

-Jax meets Nero at T-M and he tells him that he is selling his part of Diosa and Red Woody to the club through some dummy corporation, the house and T-M is going to Wendy and he wants her to take the boys wherever she wants with the money after she sells that shit. He tells Nero that he is leaving and Nero only needs one guess to figure out that he killed Gemma. He holds it together surprisingly well, because he knew deep down that it had to happen like that. Jax then says the realest shit he has said in seven seasons of SOA: he did the only thing he knew how to do, he is a criminal and that is why he wants the kids far, far away from him because he is not a good person. He wants his sons to grow up hating
him and the life, and I think this is why he burned the manuscripts; he doesn’t want them to know anything about the past and be intrigued by it as he was. Personally, I think Abel is too far gone, but more on that later. Three cheers for Jax finally being a good parent. Well, a decent parent. Shit, I’ll settle on not-an-awful parent.

-Then, shit gets even realer as Wendy and the boys show up, and Jax says goodbye to his sons, telling Abel to listen to Nero because he was Daddy’s best friend. We also see the beginnings of a sweet mullet from Thomas, who cries a little for the first time since Abel was guarding him with a hammer. Then he kisses Wendy and says she is a good mother, and she asks what is going on, but she has to know, right? One look at Nero in the sunglasses has to tip her off, and he tells her he will tell her later. Jax sets off on his mission, but says goodbye to Chucky, who says it back, so he knows what’s up.

-Jarry tracks down Chibs because she wants to know where Gemma is, but she also thinks that their thing should end, but we have gone down this road before. For the briefest of seconds, I thought they would bang up against the side of Red Woody, but Chibs basically tells her that cops that fuck with SAMCRO usually go away. She is like, you threatening me, and he replies with, history doesn’t lie; stay safe, sheriff and walks the fuck away. DAMN. She is like, did that JUST happen?

-Chibs goes inside, where the mayhem vote will take place and tells Tig about Jax’s plan, and they’re both near tears, but they suck it up. I don’t care how loyal Tig is, fuck him, but I already ranted about that a couple weeks ago.

-Jax goes to the DA’s office and thanks her for tryin to help Tara, and to tell her about everything, including Gemma’s role in it and that Gemma and Unser are at her dad’s place in Oregon. However, he doesn’t tell her that they’re dead and he doesn’t cope to any retaliation that went down as to not incriminate the club. Jax is smart when he wants to be. It was also good when the DA turns on the recorder and introduces Jax as a member of SAMCRO, and Jax throws in that “Redwood Original” with a smile. Dammit, you smiled as well. He tells her that everyone who should know the truth already know and by the end of the day, the violence will be over because the bad guys lose. I think it may be a little egotistical to think the violence stops at him, but hey, he’s the protagonist.

-The mayhem vote goes down and Chibs barely gets through it, and everyone votes to send Jax to the reaper, because that is what he wants. I like the way Chibs barely banged the gavel, and the shot that panned over the reaper table. I wonder whose house that is sitting in right now.

-Jax’s chair is empty because he is paying a visit to Baroski and this scene feels like they forgot about it until the last minute. Baroski is like, what can I do for ya, and gets shot the fuck up. There are witnesses, but Jax doesn’t care. So yeah, he is dying before this all ends.

-While the cops are in Oregon discovering Gemma and Unser’s dead bodies, Jax goes to the courthouse, but to the back of it and we see the homeless lady that has popped up at random times through SOA’s run. Jax asks her who she is, and she hands him her blanket, saying simply, “it’s time”. She leaves a bottle of wine and a half-eaten sandwich there; remember that.

-Marks walks out of the courtroom, right past Jax under the blanket, and he proceeds to shoot Marks’ associates. Marks looks at him like, motherfucker….and catches a bunch of bullets. So that is sorted.

-Then he goes to a warehouse where the boys are waiting, and he cuts off his president patch to give to Chibs, who gives his VP patch to Tig. He gets a promotion? Fuck that, but I’m petty. He tells Chibs he is ready and stands between Tig and Happy, who gets shot in the forearm and Jax says he wouldn’t put that burden on the club, so he is going out on his own terms. I can see why some people might have a problem with it, but I don’t. I have more of a problem with the fact that the other charters are just supposed to buy this story, but again, it is what it is. He hugs everyone, and Happy is the only one that cries, which ALMOST got me. He walks out and gets on his dad’s bike, and tells the boys, “I got this”, which is what Opie said to him before he walked into his death, and I think Juice might have said it to Jax when they came up with the plan to kill Lin in jail.

-Jarry tells her people to put out an APB on Jax for multiple homicides, but he is at the site where his dad died, talking to him. Basically, what boils down to is him saying, “I realized, as I think you did, a good father and a good outlaw can’t settle inside the same man.”. When you realize that SOA is derived from Hamlet, this poetic type of soliloquy shouldn’t shock you, but dammit, I’ve been trying to tell y’all. You’re lucky I don’t write 700 words of “I told you so”, but I’m a humble dude.

-A cop rolls by and he has gotten the APB, and as he asks Jax (who had the time to light a smoke) to get off the bike, Jax busts a couple shots and takes off, so of course SOA will end on a chase. The montage begins and we are with Nero, Wendy and the kids, and the way that Nero grabs Wendy’s hand makes me guess that he tells her what is happening. But what also tells me that is Abel sitting in the back and he is coloring, but he also plays with the Sons ring Gemma gave him at the school when she says goodbye to him. Yeah, he’s gon’ grow up to be fucked up and you can’t blame him.

-Tig is with Venus, buckling under everything that just happened. The boys are at Red Woody, drinking away what just happened. The DA and Jarry are at Baroski’s, looking at his body and the DA seems to get what Jax meant. Chibs takes his place at the head of the table, looking uneasy, while Gemma’s body is finally carried out of her father’s garden. Actually, I think it is this part that Abel is playing with the ring, but it all means the same thing. Oh yeah, he shoots Wendy a vicious look like, bitch, I’ma kill you, because that is what Tellers do: kill their mothers.

-We see a truck that says “Papa’s Goods” on the side, and it is driven by the trucker that have Gemma a ride (Michael Chilkis, Dell from American Horror Story). So now, you have to get ready for it because we know JT died by hitting a truck, something that Jury said was on purpose just before Jax killed him. There is like, 20 cops following him art his point, but he sees the truck and hits this smile. He heads into the other lane and stretches out his arms while the driver tries to hit the breaks, but it was inevitable.

-Please, go to Twitter and search for memes of Jax with his outstretched arms. I was in tears from laughing at some of them.

-We don’t see Jax’s body, but we do see some blood running towards a sandwich, the same damn sandwich that the homeless lady was eating. It leads to deduce that she was his angel, maybe his father in human form, but it’s one of those things where Kurt Sutter was like, it can be whatever you think it is. I’m going with angel.

-The episode ends with the familiar reaper and a Shakespeare quote: “Doubt thou the stars are fire; Doubt that the sun doth move; Doubt truth to be a liar; But never doubt I love.”. If I have to tell you what Shakespeare play it is from, I don’t know what to tell you.

And this ends the story we set out on seven seasons ago, and while I had some issues with it, I was very happy with the way Sons Of Anarchy ended. The last half of the final season (well, let’s say the final four episodes, maybe five) was some of the best storytelling we have gotten, and it allowed the actors to step up their game. I didn’t name this “Sons Of Fuckery” for no reason: there is a bunch of shit that didn’t work over seven seasons, but the positives far outweigh the negatives. I have said this before, that SOA might not be as technically good as shows like Breaking Bad, Mad Men and Boardwalk Empire (I still need to watch the final season of that), but I’ll be damned if it wasn’t more entertaining than all of those shows and sometimes, entertainment (and a solid story) all you need.

Thank you, Kurt Sutter, thank you, cast and crew. That was a fun seven seasons. Sons Of Anarchy sits just outside my top five, but that could change. Thanks for rockin’ with me, y’all. I’ma miss following SAMCRO and their wacky shenanigans, and I appreciate y’all following me and watching me ramble through the last couple seasons.

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Sons Of Anarchy S07E12 – Red Rose

Sons Of Anarchy has been building up to “Red Rose” all season long, and I’ve been calling it for about two seasons. You would think I would have been prepared for last night.

NOAP.

Let’s go….

-Another opening in which there is no music as things have gotten more serious in Charming. Jax is still hiding out at the Mayan spot, and after Chibbs brings him a shirt, the day begins. Marcus gives his condolences about what happened to Tara, and if I were Jax, I’d be pissed that someone else told him all this shit. But Jax, who is limping for some reason, is working on a big superdeal between the Mayans, the Niners and the Irish, so he can’t be bothered right now. Gemma is also still off the grid, so Jax is a little busy right now. Oh yeah, he still has to meet with the other SAMCRO leaders regarding his shooting of Jury.

-Wendy and Brooke wonder where Gemma is, and Brooke asks Wendy if she ever feels weird being at Tara’s because of her history with Jax and Tara dying there and such. Wendy is like, nah, I OD’d there in the floor, this is home. I really don’t think Brooke knows what she is in for if she wants to join Rat in this life.

-Unser drops the spare key off at Gemma’s to signify that he is done with her, and you know shit is real when Unser says he is fed up. But he will never be truly done with her, and we all know that.

-Nero asks Jax if he has heard from Gemma, and tells him he is going to the farm for a bit to get shit ready for his son, yet he is still in on this gang shit and that makes me nervous. Nero will have one foot out the door and he’ll get shot. Shit is like getting fired on your day off. Then Jax asks him if he’ll take Wendy and the boys with him because Nero is their grandfather, apparently. This also means shit is about to get tres real if he is tryna get the boys outta there.

-Juice is in the infirmary at the prison and as we thought, he is greeted by the Asian contingent, who aren’t happy about what he did to Lin. The Asians want to know why Juice was allowed to get to Lin through Tully, but now the whites get to kill Juice. I figured they would kill him there to take someone of the fun away for the whites, but first, some more prison rape. Because why not?

-Jax lays out the whole plan to everyone, and it gets confusing; basically he is tryna get everyone to play nice, but all sides have some sort of reservation about their role in the food chain, especially Connor from the Irish, who says the Kings won’t go for it. Jax kinda looks on in wonder that people don’t think his plan will work. Right, Jax, because your plans are always foolproof.

-Meanwhile, Gemma tries to get some rest at a stop for the rigs, and she is asked to move by….Michael Chilkis, who is currently playing Dell on American Horror Story: Freak Show, which is also aired by FX. However, he is best known for The Shield (another FX joint), where he worked with Kurt Sutter, so that explains that. We also see a raggedy-looking lady, and I don’t know if y’all remember her, but this homeless lady would randomly pop up in episodes with no rhyme or reason, which she does here, but we haven’t seen her in a while. Gemma asks the trucker, named Milo, for a ride and he doesn’t question why she is willing to leave her car right there. You have to assume she has a gun on her, I would think if I were him.

-Jax meets with Unser in a parking lot, and SAMCRO is moving very freely for someone whose leader just led a wild police chase through these streets, but whatever. Jax tells Unser the truth about Tara and Gemma, and asks to get the APB removed so he can handle it. Unser agrees, then has a little crying session by himself after the boys leave. Probably a lot of “crying by yourself” going on around SAMCRO these days.

-Nero and Wendy hash out plans to go up to his place, and lowkey, their relationship has been one of the best things about this season. Neither were born into this, yet for one reason or another, they have to stick around (Nero for Gemma and work reasons, Wendy for Abel and her feelings for Jax). She makes jokes about him being Mexican and doing manual labor, he calls her a junkie who might have to ride in the backseat. Shit was good.

-Jax meets up with Jury’s ginger VP and other charter members, including Robert Patrick, who I know from as the Terminator from “T2: Judgment Day” and the later seasons of The X-Files, but you might know him from other shit because he has been in a lot of stuff. Jax admits to lying about a confession from Jury and that all this shit was his fault, and that a Mayhem vote has to go down. Jax says he’ll make sure SAMCRO votes the right way, but he wants a bylaw from the old days thrown out. No idea what it is. Maybe allowing black members so the Grim Bastards can join? No clue. Anyway, Jax smiles a couple times during this, then turns somber. You know he has an angle, now to figure out what it is.

-Gemma gets dropped off by Milo at what we find out is a senior citizens’ home, which is where her father is, but he is out with some church people. The lady at the desk tells Gemma that it is Tara’s name as the person of contact, which goes back to some older stuff that I can’t remember right now, but the lady is looking suspicious as shit at Gemma. She doesn’t even know her, but she is so right.

-Juice is sitting in his cell reading the Bronte love poems and he puts a shiv inside it. He looks fed up with all this. He isn’t making it out of this episode alive.

-The boys show up to meet the Irish, where they learn that Connor was out to do some under-the-table business and the Kings want him stopped. So now, SAMCRO is a hit squad, which isn’t a real stretch anyway, and they get Tyler to draw Connor out. Again, not a stretch. Tyler stay doin’ stuff for SAMCRO.

-Wendy calls Jax to tell him that Gemma is at the home as they called to confirm that Tara was dead (Gemma told them), so obviously Jax is like, y’all need to go handle this. Then she tells Nero, who goes to T-M and tells Unser that he needs to go and bring her back alive; basically, find her before Jax does. Of course, Unser does it and Chucky wants to go too because Gemma has a gang of simps ready to ride for her. Chucky even tells Unser to tell Gemma that he loves her and Unser is like, and fuck up MY game? Nah.

-Tyler agrees to set up the Connor meet, but SAMCRO needs to help him take out the rest of the Asians before the Mayans take all that turf. I think that is what happens. This plan is convoluted as shit. Good to see Tyler finally taking a stand, though. He still gon’ die.

-Gemma gets the green light to see her father, who doesn’t recognize her. She just wants to apologize for basically being awful over the last however long it has been, and that he was a good father. We also learn that her mother’s name was Rose, which is the name Gemma gave to Milo, so that explains the episode title (kinda). This is right up her alley as Gemma has spent all season talking to people that don’t talk back (Tara, Bobby, Thomas and now her pops). Then her father asks her name again as she is getting ready to leave, and says that Gemma was a sweet girl who always liked flowers. Keep that in your back pocket.

-Juice asks for a minute of Tully’s time and says that he was sent by the Asians to kill him, but he knows that if Tully kills Juice for the club, it helps the relationship with SAMCRO. So he gives Tully the shiv and asks him to wait until he finishes his pie. All I kept thinking was, this mufucka better die this time, b.

-Unser and Jax are racing to where they think Gemma will be, and she is outside of a house, which we learn to be her parents’ old house and I have a couple of questions. She can just walk in there after God knows how long? No one else bought this house? Everything is the way they left it? This really bothered me for some reason.

-Juice finishes his pie and one of Tully’s people starts a fight, which gives Tully a distraction and he proceeds to stab Juice in the neck multiple times. A roundabout way of committing suicide, which was always the path Juice tried to take anyway. It was for the club and shit, but still, good riddance.

-Gemma is on the floor in her parents’ house, looking at pictures when Unser walks in. He asks her if the truth is true and why she did it, and Gemma is like, does it even matter? She looks tired of running and whatever happens, happens. Which of course, is when Jax shows up and Unser is like, I am arresting her and we are doing this the right way. After all this time, Unser thinks Jax is gon’ do something the right way. Good grief. He should know how this HAS to go down, and gets shot in the chest for his trouble. I wasn’t shocked. Gemma wasn’t even shocked, just add it to the body count.

-This house hasn’t had people living in it for presumably a while, but now a taxi, a truck and a motorcycle appear and no one calls the cops? And now there are gunshots? These neighbours are shitty.

-So, here we go. Gemma shows Jax old pics of his grandfather from WWII, and says something about how much she loved Tara and didn’t mean for shit to go down the way it did, but he isn’t tryna hear it and to be honest, I don’t even think Gemma was tryna defend it, she just needed to tell him. Hell, she told Jax that Unser was lying when he said that he called it into the police, so even she knew how this had to go down. Listen, Gemma has been through three presidents, two of which were her husband and the other was her son, who she groomed for this shit. She knows how the game goes. This all started in the Season 4 finale (that was my favorite SOA season, by the way) when Jax took over as president and Tara walked up behind him, and they looked like an old picture of Gemma and JT. Gemma knew she was losing her power and that fueled her rage to kill Tara, and here we are now.

-Gemma knows she is taking her death march and she wants it to go down in the garden because she loved the flowers. This was eerily similar to “The Grove” in Season 4 of The Walking Dead….no spoilers for anyone that hasn’t watched it, but for those that have, all I will say is, “look at the flowers”. She stops to smell them, and then steels herself for a shot, but Jax is like, shit, can I do this? Gemma forces him to do it, saying it has to happen because again, she of all people knows how the game goes.

-We have been waiting for this all season, some of us, for longer. But I still wasn’t ready for the shot. I also wasn’t ready when I watched it a second time. Or a third time. Jax looks to the sky to Tara, I assume and then looks like, shit, I just shot my mom in the head, Jesus. Then he just drives off. This whole thing was emotional in the lack of emotion that was shown, outside of a few tears. It was just some shit that had to happen. Shit, I still don’t know how I feel about it. I definitely felt different than I thought I would. I ain’t even party like I expected to.

-Montage time, where we see SAMCRO and the Niners taking out the Asians on the street and at a card game, although Chibbs let one girl go and that can’t be good, she looked him all in the face and everything. Wendy checks on the boys, while Juice’s body gets covered up. Nero goes to Gemma’s and he has that look of, well shit, ain’t heard from Unser in a few hours, this can’t be good. Jax returns home with Gemma’s blood still on his shoes, and he finally gets it poppin’ with Wendy, which sucks for my theory that she lives because every woman that gets close to Jax dies. We say goodbye to Unser, then more Jax and Wendy, and finally, one last shot of Gemma’s body among the flowers.

-Shoutout to Ed Sheeran’s version of Foy Vance’s “Make It Rain”, it suited the moment perfectly. I only knew him as the ginger dude from the Virgin Radio commercial, and I’d seen his name in places before, but I might need to search out more of his shit. Dude can sing.

One more episode, which I assume will also be 75 minutes long like this was. We gotta see how they take out Connor and make everyone quasi-happy with the deal. How does Nero react to Jax? What about Chibbs and Jarry, how does that end up? And finally, who gets to kill Jax? He has to die somehow. And somehow, none of this will top the fall of Gemma, arguably the greatest character in the history of Sons Of Anarchy.

Sons Of Anarchy S07E11 – Suits Of Woe

The gloves are off now as we reach the homestretch of Sons Of Anarchy, and “Suits Of Woe” was as heart (and gut) -wrenching an episode as we’ve gotten out of this series. My stomach was in all sorts of knots watching this go down. Let’s go…

-After last week’s Fuckfest 2014 to open the show, this week’s opening was muted. Jax is sitting on Abel’s floor processing what his son just told him, while Gemma is talking to Tara again and I didn’t even mind it this time. Besides, I’m always here for Katey Sagal fidgeting and smoking. Juice is talking to himself in his cell, and he thinks all will be good if he just kills Lin. Oh, Juice. One way or another, you’re gon’ die.

-Chibbs is sneaking out of Jarry’s crib and I wonder what her neighbours think about seeing a SAMCRO member walk outside of her place in the morning, but everyone in Charming tends to mind their business for the most part. It’ll be so awkward when this relationship blows up in their face, possibly in a literal way.

-Jax walks out to see Wendy in the kitchen and he changes his shirt, because Jax apparently keeps his white tees in the kitchen. Wendy feels like she has to tell a truth since Jax told Abel about his real mother, and it is that Juice was staying at her place thanks to Gemma. You can see all of the wheels turning as Jax puts the pieces in place.

-She also tells Jax that Unser knew about it, so he books over to his trailer and starts bangin’ on the door like the damn police, ironically. He tries to engineer a sit-down with Juice and Unser is tentative to help him, for good reason. Unser also tells Juice about the dude Gemma accused of Tara’s murder being in a Vegas drunk tank that night, and another piece falls. While I’ve been critical of the way Jax’s revenge plan has been written this season, the way they are revealing the truth has been pretty good.

-Unser tells Jax that he’ll talk to Jarry about the Juice meeting, but if he burns him, all ties to the club are cut. Jax says they can pull the tape of the meeting, but come on dogg, you lyin’. Won’t be no tape.

-Back at the jail, Juice gets word that the Lin thing will go down after breakfast, so he gets his shit ready. He gets walked down to a boiler room, which seems to take 45 minutes, but there is Lin, chained up to the ceiling. He tells Juice that it was Barosky who ratted about the heroin, not Jury. I never saw that coming, I actually forget he is there from time to time. Juice told Lin he would be fine if he gave up the rat and didn’t leverage SAMCRO into a deal, but stabs him anyway because why wouldn’t he be a liar as well as a rat? He raises a very good point. Shoutout to the guard who left Juice some clean clothes because the blood would probably be a giveaway.

-Gemma gets to T-M and Unser tells her that Jax is looking for her, that Wendy told him about hiding Juice and that the dude she identified was in Vegas that night. Gemma is like meh, they all look the same, but she gets freaked out when Unser tells her that Jax is en route to see Juice. You could just see Gemma’s face getting hot. She leaves and Unser tells Chucky to follow her.

-Chibbs and Tig meet the rest of the club, and the rest of SAMCRO isn’t happy about the way the Jury thing was handled. Basically, if they find out Jax is lying, he will die. See what happens when you don’t think things through, Jackson? You paint yourself into a corner like the writers on the final season of Lost.

-Jax is at Stockton, where Tully him a phone with Lin’s confession of Barosky, and to make sure the room is secure which Jax called ahead to do because he is a fuckin’ liar. Juice gets brought in and Tully hits him with that, “oh, I’ll see you later baby”. Juice is like, oh goddammit, but he sits with Jax and pleads his case that he did what the club wanted him to do. That is all fine and good, but Jax has other ideas.

-Jax tells Juice what Abel told him and says he is about to send his kid to a psychiatrist, so what is the truth? For a split second, I thought Juice was gon’ lie, but I think he figured what’s the point and lays everything out for Jax. So, I did watch this scene again and man, listen…that was Charlie Hunnam’s Emmy scene right there. He wasn’t angry, he didn’t wanna scare Juice, he just wants the truth about some shit he doesn’t want to admit: that his mother killed the mother of his children and the love of his life. I dare you to look at his face and not be like, damn, maybe he isn’t a piece of shit, even though we know he is.

-But then Jax comes back as he tells Juice that Bobby was tortured and murdered, and not to say sorry because he is gon’ die for his part in the lie that set all this off. At least Jax tells him that he’ll make sure it is quick. Juice calls Gemma to tell him that Jax knows the truth and she hangs up on him with her flip phone. Never trust anyone on a flip phone, bruh. They’re usually on some shady shit. If you pause it, you can see Gemma saying, “FUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKK” internally.

-Chibbs and Tig are pouring over the books, which Bobby used to take care of, so Tig suggests they patch in another Jew because we needed some humor after watching Jax and Juice. Jax arrives to tell them that Lin is dead and Barosky is the rat, but priority #1 is to find Gemma and the two are like, huh? Tig asks if she is okay because remember, he has known Gemma as long as he has been in the club. Shit, Tig, Chibbs and Bobby went back to the days of Jax’s father at least, so this is some real family shit.

-Gemma is obviously packing her shit to get outta dodge, but Wendy shows up at the house and I’m like, shit, there goes my “Wendy survives” theory. I thought it was on when Wendy explains why she told Jax the truth, but I think Gemma knows the kids need someone to raise them (because we all know Jax won’t) and Chucky comes in with a shitty-ass Thomas. Gemma plays with Thomas and you get the feeling she won’t see him again. But dammit, change the kid’s diaper.

-At Diosa, Nero and Alvarez are completing the notary and we learn that Lyla knows shit about notarizing things and real estate stuff. Not just a pretty face and a porn director. Montez and Quinn swing by looking for Gemma, and it begins.

-Gemma is about ready to go as she hears motorcycles outside. Chucky comes up with a plan for Gemma to punch him so he can tell whoever is outside (Happy and Rat) that she stole his keys. I wonder why Gemma hasn’t questioned Chucky on following her, but he came up with that plan and it worked, buying Gemma some time. Chucky calls Gemma his best friend, but he has NO idea what she has been up to.

-Jarry shows up at T-M to talk to Unser to tell him that Lin is dead and there is no tape of the Jax/Juice conversation, then Jax and the boys roll up. Jax asks Chibbs what’s up with Jarry and he’s like, meh, she’s cool. Again, that’ll be awkward when it blows up in their face. But the boys here that Gemma is on the run, so Jax asks Unser to call Gemma and pretend like he wants to meet her at T-M. Unser LOSES it and tells Jax that he doesn’t give a shit about Tara, that he should spend more time being a father and not being a thug; he gets a shove and a warning. But Unser keeps going and is like, whaddya gon’ do, kill me and add to the body count and Jax punches the shit outta his face. Chibbs and Tig are like, yup, saw that coming and get Jax outta there. Unser tells Jarry to put an APB out on Jax for assault, and while it was pretty low of him to mention Tara and he deserved the punch…..Unser wasn’t wrong. Finally, someone stood up to Jax.

-Unser and Jarry go to see Juice in jail, and they wanna know what he talked about with Jax. He tells them to check the tape and Jarry is like, don’t be an asshole. Juice retorts with, “in here, all I am is someone’s asshole”. At least he still has a sense of humor about life, or what is left of it. But then he fires shots at the cops, telling them they don’t know what is going on even though it is right in front of them, and that Gemma knows the truth about everything; she is the gatekeeper. He also says that it is too late for everyone involved, and it’s weird to see Juice not being a bitch about something. All it takes is some prison rape, love poems, a cleansing of the soul, drugs and impending death.

-Gemma calls Nero to meet her, and she goes on about some story with her father, who used to go to the church where they’re at. She says she wasn’t a good wife, but she was a good mother, which is kinda up for debate like shit if you ask me. Nero is like, what did you do now, and he gets a call from Jax, who asks if he has talked to Gemma and then tells him everything. Nero is looking at Gemma completely speechless and shocked, but manages to ask her if it was true after he hangs up. Jimmy Smits be actin’, bruh. He shuts Gemma down when she tries to give him some “it’s complicated” bullshit, then he tells her that he thinks she should go. Then he sits on the curb and breaks down because finally, he learns that the woman he loves ain’t shit. She might be the queen of ain’t shit.

-Meanwhile, Jax is as Barosky’s, not parenting and being a thug, but his target isn’t there. But the cops show up to arrest him and he bails out the back, stealing a car in the process because, well, Sons Of Anarchy. The cops in Charming are terrible drivers and Jax gets away because again, Sons Of Anarchy. And that musical choice? Jazz? Probably the worst thing about this episode.

-Gemma goes to Abel’s school to give him a Sons ring that belonged to JT first, then to Jax when he was patched into SAMCRO. What was that about being a good mother, Gemma? Fuck outta here. Tara was tryna get them away from it and you destroyed that. I get that it was the life she knew, but that doesn’t make it right. Anyway, Courtney Love comes over to break it up and say that she’ll report this to child services, and Gemma leaves before asking her to take care of Abel. She walks away and so does Abel, but he turns around and says, “goodbye, Grandma”. For me, Abel (and the twins that play him) is at least top three in the SOA Season 7 power rankings.

-Jax gives Alvarez the car stole in a trade for a hideout, and the rest of the crew comes over to learn the truth. Earlier, Chibbs asked him and Jax snapped at him to not ask again, and this is where I’m like, fuck Jax. No one ever questioned him when he was executing his fuck-ass plan, and now he gets salty? They have followed him to the bottom of hell and back. But anyway, Jax tells the table about everything and they’re shocked, obviously. He realizes that he has been an ass and takes responsibility for a change, which is nice of him, and suggests that everyone take some time to think.

-Unser and Chucky are sitting at Gemma’s and Chucky asks if she is ever coming back; Unser just sits in silence. Poor Chucky. Meanwhile, Abel comes in to miss Wendy and Thomas good night, and I really thought Abel was about to do something stupid.

-I think it is here where we see the prison guards go to Juice and tell him he is taking a ride on the Orient express before beating the shit outta him. The plan is to take him to the infirmary where I assume the Asians are waiting for revenge for killing Lin. If he survives this show, I’ll be wild-eyed.

-Nero finds Jax and the two have their moment. Nero more or less cops to the fact that he did speak to Gemma, but he couldn’t talk to her so he actually doesn’t know where she is, which Jax understands I think. Then Nero suggests that he avoid killing his mother because that is some shit that he won’t come from, but at this point, does it even matter? Jax will never come back from this, and we know he isn’t a long-term thinker. Jax knows this and says through all this, he still loves her; she is his mother, which I think everyone can understand and as someone that has lost their mom, I get it. He cries and the British accent came out for just a second. The two hug and when you think about it, Nero is the closest thing to a father Jax has ever had, not mention he has mad love for Gemma.

-The episode closes with Gemma driving and singing hymns on some Underground Railroad shit, and she is driving to Mexico, I think, says the highway sign.

So, that was that. I was drained by the end of “Suits Of Woe”, but this will end up being a top-five SOA episode when it is all said and done. The first thing I said was that I can’t watch the Jax/Gemma scene. I’ll be a wreck. Shoutout to all the actors in this episode as they took their craft to another level. And we still have to deal with Barosky, Juice, the meeting of the SAMCRO presidents and I’m sure something else will pop up.

Oh, if you missed it, no Sons next week because of American Thanksgiving. It’s gon’ be a long two weeks.

American Horror Story: Freak Show S04E06 – Bullseye

“Bullseye” picks up Freak Show right where American Horror Story‘s fourth series left off, and my big questions are answered immediately, kinda: what is Elsa gon’ do now that her TV dreams have been thrown in the bushes, and what happened to the twins? Let’s go…

-Elsa is getting some of her staff to roll a big-ass wheel into the main room, and I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but could the freak show have a creepier entrance? A giant devil’s head with some wild eyes, and y’all wonder why people don’t come to see you? Jeez. Get them in the show, THEN scare them, but I mean, my freak show experience is minimal, so what do I know?

-The wheel is for Elsa’s throwing knives act, which she used to do back in the day, she tells Ethel. This is for the television show, she says, but didn’t Stanley leave with the twins to end that dream? She looks far too high to be throwing knives, though. Keep that in the back of your mind. Elsa be lookin’ disheveled as shit.

-At the Mott house, which scares me more than the freak show, Gloria and Dandy are having some sort of meal, and Gloria gives her son what I think are matches and I was like, oh great, give the guy ammo. But nope, they’re condoms apparently, because Gloria doesn’t want him breeding because of the whole “incest bloodline making him murderous” thing. Dandy rejects them and says that he is all about that raw life and he is in love with Bette and Dot, who are at his house and I am so confused about what happened at the end of the last episode. But I know how AHS rolls, and rule #4 of AHS is, forget what happened in the last episode. Anyway, Dandy tryna get this threesome poppin’, although the twins are bending all the definition rules of threesomes (number of heads/holes/limbs, all sorts of questions here).

-It is also Elsa’s born day, and she is receiving twins, one of which is Ma Petite in a box in a sweater. Elsa looks a hot mess because, well, opium, but she does manage to notice that the freaks don’t look happy. They miss the twins, which certainly pisses Elsa off, and she demands they have fun because, dammit, she is,

-She is in bed with Paul, tattooed cuz with the seal arms, and apparently they’ve been doin’ the business for a minute now. She also doesn’t have her legs on, and the idea of them having sex opens up a whole ‘nother box of questions, but I can’t explain at least three of them without a drawing. She also says something about Paul visiting her in Hollywood, because Elsa is fucking delusional. Then Paul hands Ma Petite to Elsa, and I hope she ain’t have to see/hear all that.

-However, Paul has other plans as he is sneaking away to be with Penny, the nurse Elsa drugged in the first episode. Apparently, the opium opened her up to that freak life, but Paul won’t sleep with her because he wants her to love him for him, which is admirable, I guess. But he has to hide when Penny’s father comes to her room. More on THAT mufucka in a bit.

-Dandy is tryna get on the twins’ good side by making them all of the food (well, the Motts’ chef), and Bette loves the cavier, but Dot isn’t really feeling Dandy. That is, until Dandy tells them about a successful surgery separating a pair of Siamese twins. Dot is like, well shit, I can’t afford this, but Dandy can, so I’ll play nice. Then she dreams of being comforted by Jimmy over the death of her sister after the separation, which is some cold, cold shit. I have three takeaways from this: Sarah Paulson continues to be great and my Emmy agenda has been shifted into another gear, Dandy might say fuck it and separate them himself, and these twins have awful taste in men.

-Paul goes to a drugstore to buy some perfume, and he sees Dandy, who is buying two of everything, all girl stuff. Paul puts two and two together, but Dandy tells the store owner that the freak is bothering him and he might have stole something, because Paul has such a reach on him. Paul leaves and spits on the window, and I fucks with that dude.

-Paul goes back to tell Jimmy about what he saw, but Jimmy ain’t tryna hear it, which is funny because he was tryna leave like, three eps ago. Paul tells Jimmy that Elsa isn’t what she seems, spittin’ that truth.

-The twins find out that one of the twins from the surgery has died, and they start mind-talking to each other. Dandy thinks they shouldn’t have secrets, and tells them that he was the one who killed Twisty, but Dot not only declines to tell him a secret, but tells him that Jimmy was the real hero. Dandy freaks the fuck out because she isn’t playing by his fuckass rules, and he doesn’t like being told no. Son’s head starts to shake and shit. If this ain’t a hint and a half for their ass that this dude is NUTS.

-Stanley and Maggie meet, and Stanley is all about that paper, coming up with a plan to cut off Jimmy’s lobster hands and sell them to that museum. But Maggie is all sweet on Jimmy now and instead, wants to sacrifice Ma Petite. We see a disturbing dream sequence that involves Ma Petite, formaldehyde and a big-ass jar. Where are these jars coming from? They got a Costco in 1952 Jupiter, Florida?

-Elsa is singing a song for Paul, who is tryna get outta there and see Penny, and she notices that he smells like perfume that isn’t hers. She flips out and wants to know who it is, and he is like, fuck you, where are the twins? This sets her off and Elsa wants everyone awake because they have been talking shit behind her back, and she calls them, “ungrateful ingrates”, which tells you how mad she was because that is redundant as shit. Jimmy tries to calm her down, but Elsa says that if they trust her, someone will get on her knife wheel. Jimmy says he’ll do it, but Paul does it since he started this whole thing.

-So, Paul gets on this wheel, getting knives thrown at him by high-ass Elsa, who progressively looks like someone you’d see on Cops. Of course, she doesn’t hit him with the first two knives, but she nails him in the stomach with the third and doesn’t look like she gives a damn. Ol’ girl might have even smiled. Dat opium, bruh.

-Penny tries to sneak out to see Paul, but her father stops her with a shotgun because it could have been a burglar. They argue because Penny wants to go out and experience life, and her father is too strict. She eventually leaves, but here is the thing: even after he knows it is Penny, her father keeps the shotgun pointed at her. She might have a point. Who does that? Keep an eye on him going forward. Son might run up in the freak show on some Rambo shit.

-Maggie grabs Ma Petite and takes her to Stanley’s barn, and I can’t front, I was cookin’ off Ma Petite. Maggie told her to get in a jar, and Ma Petite was like, Weeeeeeeeee I’m a butterfly! She was flappin’ her little wings and shit, tryna blossom, it was sad, but SO GOOD. Even Maggie was like, I’m an asshole, but she wants the Lobsterhands D (that should be the name of a band) so she pours in the formaldehyde.

-Penny gets to the freak show, looking for Paul, and she finds him high as shit with Elsa, who is giving him opium for the pain, but no doctor yet. Elsa even told him that she won’t cry when he does because he betrayed her, and she tells Penny that there is no rush for a doctor. Uhhhhhhh, what?

-Jimmy tells Ethel what Paul told him about Elsa, but Ethel has always been one of Elsa’s biggest supporters; shit, she is even making a cake for Elsa’s born day. But they are interrupted by Eve, the tall woman, who says that Ma Petite is gone and she missed breakfast, which is not like her. They round up the troops, but Maggie comes out with Ma Petite, so she didn’t follow Stanley’s orders. She tells Jimmy that they should run away together, and he is just psyched that a quasi-normal girl likes him, but he has to do one thing before they leave.

-Stanley is waiting for Maggie in her trailer and he is pissed because he was ready to go back to Philly with Ma Petite. He isn’t leaving without Jimmy’s hands and I don’t even think he has a plan to get them, but he is getting them. I assume it involves a Viking hat.

-Dandy is a mess as he has read the girls’ diaries and man, Dot was spittin’ that ether at him. He bores her to tears and only laughs at his shitty jokes for money, reads Gloria, while Dandy is laid up in the fetal position. Gloria suggests that he focus on Bette and try to make Dot jealous, but it is all or nothing with Dandy, who grabs a knife and goes on some spiel about being put on earth to bring death to mufuckas. Finn Wittrock be actin’, dogg.

-Someone is at the door, and lo and behold, it is Jimmy, who Dandy says is here for the twins. He still has the knife, too. Someone is not leaving this house.

-Elsa and Ethel are talking over a single piece of birthday cake, and Elsa tells Ethel about her sister, who died in infancy and that she reminded her parents of that tragedy. Elsa thinks the freaks are her family, but Ethel says they don’t trust her and if she finds out she had anything to do with the twins leaving, Ethel would kill her. The episode closes on Elsa wishing to be loved as she blows out her candle.

So, we have the Jimmy/Dandy/Bette/Dot rectangle to deal with, Paul is still alive, Stanley is not leaving Florida without freak body parts, Elsa is, well, Elsa and Ethel doesn’t trust her. We ain’t even see Dell and DJ TripleTits (Desiree, thanks for that, Lindsay) this week. Yep, American Horror Story: Freak Show is right on schedule in that I have no clue what is going to happen next.

Sons Of Anarchy S07E10 – Faith And Despondency

The tenth episode of Sons Of Anarchy’s final season was up and down as “Faith and Despondency” tried to focus on a lot of secondary characters, but by the end of it, we were right back on track for a helluva finale. Let’s go..

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-For a show that features a brothel/porn studio, there hasn’t been a lot of sex on SOA this season outside of Chibbs and Jarry. It seems like they were saving it all for the opening of this episode as we roll through all of the sex, although I didn’t catch the opening couple. Gemma and Nero don’t like they wanna bother having sex, Tig is gettin’ it poppin’ with Venus, which they’ve been moving towards for a couple seasons now, while Chibbs and Jarry make an appearance, of course. Rat doesn’t heed Gemma’s advice of not being a dick as he cheats on Brooke with an escort, while Happy takes one in an alley on the hood of a car. Wendy has graduated from junkie to the most sensible person on the SAMCRO side, and she has her vibrator, while Juice is getting pillaged by Tully Manson in jail. I guess they have to get over Bobby somehow. Except for Juice; he is just getting fucked.

-The first couple was Jax and Winsome, apparently, and we have barely seen her since Jax rescued her from the pimp named Greensleeves. She gives her condolences about Tara and goes to leave, but a tearful Jax asks her to stay. Right, Jax. Like you have time for this right now.

-Jax and Nero meet at Diosa, and Jax says he can’t see SAMCRO without Bobby, while Nero says Gemma is a mess, which is fair as she has known Bobby forever, but she is so responsible for his death. Nero sees this as a time to talk about him leaving, and while
Jax is hesitant, he seems to understand. Nero leaves and Jax turns his attention to Rat, who is walking his escort out and Jax tells him to meet T.O., the leader of the Grim Bastards. I honestly have no idea what Rat’s thing is. They continue to show him way more than I thought they ever would. By “they”, I hope you know that I’m talking about Kurt Sutter and his crew of writers and directors.

-Winsome comes out and says Jax is a decent person for rescuing her and such. I laugh out loud. She has no idea what this dude has done. But her bar is probably pretty low.

-Tig and Venus have a scene and I’ma be honest, I zoned out like shit here. Y’all know I don’t like Tig at all and unless it has to do with him dying, I don’t care, but more on that later on.

-Breakfast is being had at Gemma’s, and Abel has a scratch over his eye. He says that Thomas did it to him, but come on. Thomas is such a mild-mannered kid that he wouldn’t or couldn’t do that, and if he did, Abel would fuck his entire life up. So automatically, I assume he did it himself because, well, Abel is SO messed up.

-Back at the cabin, Grant and his mom wanna go home as they have given their statement to the DA, but Quinn and Montez advise against it. I just realize that ol’ girl’s name is fucking Loutreesha. Kurt Sutter, boy, I tell ya, he is something else.

-Gemma drops Abel off at school, and Courtney Love notices the scratch above his eye. She knows something is going on due to her last meeting with Gemma, and she takes Abel inside to get the truth. She gon’ die, b.

-Jax goes to meet Tully Manson, who says that he’ll get Juice close to Lin, but it might take a couple days. There is also a new guy, Otis, who is replacing crazy Leland in the Nazi ranks, says Tully, who also tells Jax what he is doing to Juice. Jax is like, “he needs some lovin’ anyway”. DAMN.

-Moses wants Tyler to find out where Grant and his mother are, and that he knows that Tyler rolls with the Sons heavy. Tyler says that T.O. might know where they are in a solid case of black-on-black snitching. He might gotta die, too. Moses doesn’t trust him obviously, and they all head to the Bastards’ headquarters.

-Abel goes to the bathroom at school, and in a stall, he takes out a fork, which made me sit up straight. But I have a couple questions about this. Would you give a child like Abel a metal fork to do anything? Give him a knife, maybe even a small chainsaw. And two, Courtney Love is all up in his shit, but she doesn’t notice him going to the bathroom with his lunchbox? Details, I guess, but jeez.

-Jax goes to meet the new Leland, Otis, and one of Leland’s boys aren’t happy about the change. Otis says he has more guys on the way, but the attention is on this guy, who calls Tig a tranny-humper; how he would know this, I have no idea. Chibbs says this isn’t the time, but Otis is like, “I got no problem with the time”. So Tig steps to him and asks for an apology, and when he doesn’t get it, he shoots homeboy in the dick. All the guns come out, and Jax shoots another guy in the head. Otis calms the situation and they also learn that Leland is late for this meeting because he is en route to kill the female cop in the hospital. He gets killed and the boys head to the hospital. Working with Nazis sounds like a hard knock life.

-Moses, Tyler and ’em find the Bastards and Rat and throw them all in the back of a van. I also forgot that the Bastards are now SAMCRO, which explains why Rat was with them. A lotta shit goin’ on in these streets, bruh.

-Leland sneaks into the hospital, all the way to the room in which she is supposed to be, and it is pointed out that he would have been stopped by a nurse who walks right by him as he is past a secure point. However, details schmetails. He sees the bed empty, and goes in the bathroom, where he finds Unser in the shower. After a brief struggle, Unser shoots Leland in the chest. Dogg, Unser is old as shit and has cancer. Leland deserved to die.

-In the ensuing investigation, Unser tells Jarry that he got an anonymous tip and you can see the steam coming out of her ears. She tells Unser that the boys are in the lobby, and Unser is shaken up as he never had to kill anyone as a cop. But seriously, how did he know though? That Otis guy?

-Chibbs gets a call from Wendy, and he tells Jax that he has to go to Abel’s school. Meanwhile, T.O. and Rat are in the Bobby room and when they don’t tell Moses what he wants, his men punch the shit outta them while Tyler watches. Man, after last week’s brilliance, SOA is back to jumping all over the place. It’s a bit off-putting.

-Meanwhile, Juice gets a package from Tully consisting of a book of Emily Bronte love poems, which I thought was fantastic as “Wuthering Heights” is one of my top five favorite books of all time. You wanna talk about fuckery? Read that shit, bruh. Anyway, he also gets some K-Y and drugs, so yeah, Juice about to be on some bitch shit for the foreseeable future.

-Jax gets to Abel’s school, where Child Services have been called, as well as Gemma. Abel comes out and shows that he has cuts all over his arm from his fork and when he is asked who did it, he says “Grandma”. Awwwwwwww shit, another brick falls in Gemma’s failing house of cards.

-Moses gets out his eye-extracting spoon, and T.O. is like, fuck that, mufuckas are at this location. Moses says he is disappointed that it was the brotha that broke, and this whole season could be a segment of “Fuckin’ With Black People”, word to The Black Guy Who Tips podcast.

-At Gemma’s, they try to figure out what in the hell is wrong with Abel, and Jax says he is taking Abel to his house, and he wants Wendy to watch him. You can see Gemma pee herself a little bit, because she knows what is coming. Nero thinks it’s because Abel thinks Gemma is tryna to replace Tara. He isn’t completely wrong there, but we know there is far more to it than that. Gemma’s palms gotta be sweating like Patrick Ewing.

-Also, let’s take the messed up child to the house of his murderous biker leader father. But I guess the alternative is Gemma. Abel never had a fuckin’ chance.

-Moses leaves Tyler with one of his boys with Rat and T.O., and shoots the dude in the head to free the SAMCRO boys. Moses is en route to Otis’ house unbeknownst to him, and after a sweep, they don’t find anyone or anything but a camper. They open the door to the camper and it is rigged, of course. Out come the Nazis, along with SAMCRO, and they proceed to gun down Moses and crew. Moses is hit, but only in the knee so Jax can exact revenge. He rips out Moses’ eye with his bare hands, which seems extremely hard to do, then cuts off his fingers, then shoots him in the head.

-So, here are my issues with this. Tyler must have called Jax when Moses left for the cabin, but why wouldn’t Moses take him as well? That doesn’t sound like something he would do, even though we haven’t known him that long. Second, who came up with this plan? Jax? The same dude that has spent all season getting outsmarted by damn near everyone? Okay. But I am alright with it because he is the protagonist and he was supposed to win, no matter how unlikely. Besides, his whole world is about to get flipped upside down.

-Jax thanks Otis for the help and for getting rid of the bodies, while Otis thanks him for getting rid of Leland, which Jax ain’t have anything to do with, but whatever. Jax tells Rat he is proud of him for standing strong, but still, something doesn’t sit right with me about him. Also, Happy kept one of Moses’ fingers as a souvenir. I fucks with that dude.

-After that, a buncha shit happens quickly. Grant and Loutreesha (Jesus Christ) learn they can go home quasi-safely, while Unser hangs out with the cop he saved. Juice is snorting drugs and listening to Tully read him Bronte poems, because, romance.

-Jarry tells Chibbs that she thinks this is over, and Chibbs is like, okay, and she freaks out. Chibbs tells the truth: she is a cop, he is a criminal and they’re not gon’ be a normal couple. She pushes him, he smacks her and they end up having mad sex on the floor. I don’t like where this is going for Chibbs. At some point, he will have to make a choice between her and the club, unless she leaves her job to be an old lady, in which case I will throw my fuckin’ hands up.

-Tig and Venus have, like, a seven-minute scene about him not knowing who he is, and how he wants to go away with her or something. Look, I’ve wanted Tig to die for like, four seasons now. And they give him a relationship with three episodes left in the series? NOAP. Not here for it. I don’t care if it’s with a male turned female, a hot female, six hot females and a baby elephant, I don’t care. Kill him.

-Nero goes to Gemma’s, where Brooke is patching up Rat and Nero is lookin’ like, she don’t know he was fuckin’ someone else this morning, but he is no snitch. He finds Gemma sitting on the floor, fidgeting and smoking (which I will miss about this show strangely). Gemma is like, yeah, I think I should go with you now and says, “I don’t know why you’re still here”. None of is know, Gemma; it’s the million-dollar question.

-Finally, we get to Jax’s, where Abel comes out and Jax decides this is the perfect time to tell him that Wendy is his birth mother. I get what he was trying to do, but this vaults Jax into the pantheon of terrible TV dads alongside Don Draper, Tywin Lannister and Frank Gallagher (honourable mention to Dexter Morgan). Like the kid isn’t confused enough. Wendy is shocked, but thanks Jax and at this point, you assume they gon’ smash. Jax might have that in mind, but he goes to tuck in Abel, who hits him with, “Is Wendy my first mommy because I came out of her tummy?”. Jax says, “Yeah.” Then Abel drops, “Is that why Grandma killed my other mommy, so my first mommy could be here with me?”

-SOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNN….Jax almost hit him with a, “I beg your pardon?”. Abel did it so innocently because he really is a kid tryna make sense of this all. And in doing so, he came through and crushed Gemma’s buildings like Snoop in the “New York, New York” video. So fucking good.

Overall, I thought “Faith and Despondency” was inconsistent, they gave too much time to secondary characters and I will always be mad about them tryna make me feel sympathic towards Tig. But that ending, DAMN. That is all I needed to see. Three episodes left in Sons Of Anarchy, who ya got?

Sons Of Anarchy S07E09 – What A Piece Of Work Is Man

From the very beginning, you had an idea that this was going to be a different episode of Sons Of Anarchy. Each week has been wildly chaotic to the point where you have no idea what is going on, but with “What A Piece Of Work Is Man” (a line from Hamlet, which SOA has always been a modern retelling of, or at least the foundation on which the story was built), they managed to slow everything down and come up with the best episode of the season. Let’s go….

-Your first clue that this was about to be some shit, was that there was no music during the opening montage like there usually is. Jax was laying in bed with Abel in probably the most parenting he has done all season, while Wendy pops in to take Thomas. Gemma is smoking and fiddling with her hands while Nero sleeps, and she lies about sleeping because with everything on her plate, there is no way that she has been sleeping. Juice and Bobby are being contrasted in their jails as Juice is moved to Stockton, while Bobby is just sitting, smoking with one eye and one hand. It just all seems very tense, and the lack of music did a good job in accomplishing this.

-Gemma tells Abel to say thank you at the breakfast table, and he gives her this look like, “Bitch, who are you talkin’ to like I don’t know you killed my moms”. I love the kid who plays Abel, man. He just looks stunned all the time, but after going through everything that he has by, what, five years old, he should be stunned. And murderous. Very murderous.

-Jax wants Abel to go up to the cabin along with Gemma and Wendy, and he was going to come there later. If he is sending everyone out of Charming, you know shit is about to go down. Abel asks if someone has died, which is a very pertinent question because, well, someone always dies.

-At the cabin, Jax gets his Godfather on and tells Grant, the preacher’s son, the new plan to make Marks think that he is getting the video to get leverage for Bobby, and Grant is like, your plans suck, b. I thought he was gon’ jump across the table when Jax says, “trust me”, which is SOA-speak for “something awful is about to happen”. Then Tyler shows up and Jax asks him to set up a meeting with Marks, but he is distracted when Montez the prospect (I was gon’ call him the Latin prospect…..RESEARCH!) runs in because Grant hit him in the head with a pipe and took off. Hell, we didn’t have a chase scene in the last episode, did we?

-Grant runs Happy off the road, so this isn’t gon’ end well for him. The bikes eventually catch up to him and they get Grant out of the car. The nerve of Jax yelling at him like he has a leg to stand on and has been right this entire time. Meanwhile, Grant was gon’ do the honourable thing and give himself up to Marks so his mom would be safe, but Jax is like, nah, we got this, because they have done alright so far. Happy punches Grant in the face to make things even, because even though I get why he did it, still, you don’t fuck with Happy. Man, fuck Jax. I know this is all Gemma’s fault and she put him in this position, but Jesus, his plans are just terrible, b. TERRIBLE.

-Gemma gets tipped off from Unser that Jarry will be looking to question her about Juice’s story before she goes to the cabin. She doesn’t want to, but Rat was listening to the conversation and tells Gemma that Jax is behind Juice in jail. Then his chick, Brooke, comes out and he yells at her to get in the kitchen, and Gemma’s basic lesson to Rat is to not be a dick because finding a good old lady is hard in these streets. She would know, I guess, having gone through two SAMCRO presidents and the third is her son.

-Gemma goes to the office and looks through some pictures for Jarry, who is starting to piece things together, but Gemma calls her out on being on the club’s dime AND fucking Chibbs. Jarry slaps her and man, Gemma pushed her like a WWE wrestler, legs in the air and everything. For me, the moment of the episode is seeing Nero outside, and he just throws his hands in the air like, “are you fucking kidding me?”. Jarry tells her cops to go outside because it’s not like Gemma isn’t right, and the two exchange threats before Gemma is allowed to leave.

-Jax meets with Marks with everyone else there, and he shows Marks the video, but says Marks won’t get it or the pastor’s body until they get Bobby, and he doesn’t want Marks to kill the mother and son, to which he agrees, but he still wants to meet with Grant. Is Jax STILL tryna outsmart Marks? Jesus Christ. I wrote as I watched this, “How does Marks know that Jax has been helping Grant”. It might be because Marks has eyes everywhere, but it is worth keeping in the back of your mind, I think.

-Jax told Marks that they saw the pastor and he was cut into pieces, so now these mufuckas gotta dig up the bodies again on some Weekend At Bernie’s shit, because why not? It is good to see Jax digging up a body though; at least he is getting his hands dirty in this stupid, stupid plan. The boys take the bodies back to Red Woody and start sewing parts together on some Frankenstein shit, and it looks like they are putting a bomb in the body, right? RIGHT?

-The new president of Indian Hills comes by with his VP to tell Jax that he is setting up a jury of impartial SAMCRO members to figure out what to do about the Jax/Jury thing, because we seem to forget (as Jax does) that Sons Of Anarchy is more than just the Redwood chapter. One more thing that Jax has to deal with. Awesome. So the plan is to get Juice to record a conversation with Lin……IN JAIL, mind you…..that puts Jax in the clear for what he did. Jesus Christ.

-Moses, Marks’ security guy, readies Bobby to go to Jax, but first, he wants his boys to break his jaw and one tries, but Bobby laughs it off. Moses says that he respects Bobby, a fellow former army guy and a soldier, and then proceeds to punch the everlovin’ shit outta him.

-Back at T-M, Nero tells Gemma that he is going to sign some shit to get his plan in motion, and Gemma was like, “are you really doing this?”, like he is the one with the bad idea. Nero then asks Chucky to keep Gemma out of trouble until he gets back and Chucky is like, “are you serious right now, bruh?”. Just then, Jarry rolls up to talk to Unser, and she tells him that the guy they are tryna pin Tara’s murder on was arrested in Vegas the same night, so he couldn’t have done it. And the proverbial house of cards loses its foundation, because Jarry and Unser gotta know something is seriously up now.

-The two sides meet again, and Jax asks that everyone leaves so it is just he and Marks. Marks agrees, almost like he knew Jax would request this and after the two leaders are frisked, everyone leaves with the assets there. Jax shows the body of the pastor and the video, while Bobby is brought to him by Marks, but Bobby’s jaw was broken so he couldn’t tell Jax that Marks put a gun in his back, which is then turned on the boys. Marks tells Grant that if they get the idea to betray, that this will happen and he shoots Bobby while he is in Jax’s arms. He then tells Jax that this is on him. Yep, outsmarted again by Marks. Jax gotta be what, 0-for-15 now? And he is still gon’ win somehow, for fucks sakes.

-The boys take Bobby’s body and put it in the van, and Happy cries, which was a motherfucker to watch, Jax tells Chibbs (who could barely talk) to give the mother’s statement that Marks killed someone or something; seriously, that body has been transported so much, I have no idea what the plan is now. All I know is that Jax wants Marks arrested. Chibbs wants to give the statement to Jarry instead and the two part ways.

-Wendy is chillin’ with the mom, because it is always good to leave one junkie in charge of another, and don’t front, we all thought Wendy was going to eat those drugs, but Abel comes in and asks her to fix the TV, so she just rubs it on her shirt (thanks for that, director and Drea De Matteo, we appreciate it). Rat sort of apologizes to Brooke in the kitchen and tells her that he loves her, and we learn that Brooke is bipolar, and I gotta wonder why we wasted three minutes of screen time on that; are they going to be prevalent over the final four episodes? I already had a theory on Rat posed to me by a couple of people.

-All the while, Juice has been in jail, putting knives in tubes up his ass from Tully if he is gon’ kill Lin, but instead of getting moved to general pop, he gets taken to solitary until Jarry can figure this thing out. Juice is not feeling solitary at all, and my money is that he has to kill himself. At this point, I’ll be disappointed if he doesn’t.

-Jax tells Gemma, Nero, Wendy, Rat and Brooke at the cabin that Bobby is dead, and Gemma gets up and walks out right away. Wendy asks Jax if this is ever gon’ end, and he says it already has, but that’s some bullshit. He then tells the mother about his plan to get Marks arrested and says that he will continue to keep his promise to keep them alive, but really, at this point, does it even matter? Is dying that much worse than the life he is giving them now?

-Chibbs meets Jarry and gives her the statement, and she tells him about confronting Gemma, which didn’t work out for her. Then they have a moment about this being a mistake, so Jarry tells Chibbs to take her right there if he has any feeling for her. So, a criminal biker bangs a cop on her car in a parking garage, while another biker (Quinn) watches. Sons Of Fuckery, ladies and gentlemen! I could have done without this scene, but it does show Chibbs getting close to Jarry, which again, isn’t gon’ work out well, for her or anyone.

-No song plays us out as we get to the end of the episode, just the coroner digging up the pastor’s body, while Unser is figuring shit out. Gemma visits Bobby’s body and tells everyone to leave so she can have a moment with him, and in typical Gemma fashion, confesses and apologizes for everything because it’s all her fault. All of this. Every single part of this. But Abel, of course, was watching them dig a grave from his bedroom and goes down to get a cookie, and overhears all this. Little stealthy bastard. This kid knows EVERYTHING.

-Jax and Chibs go to watch Marks be arrested, and they make sure they are seen by Marks and Moses. What a fuckin’ dummy. Jax got those glasses on, tryna look sophisticated and shit. Good grief.

Overall, “What A Piece Of Work Is Man” isn’t as good as I immediately thought, but I still think it was the best episode of the final season thus far. Jax is setting up for a showdown with Moses next week, I would think, Unser has to figure this shit out with Gemma sooner than later, right? Juice is still in play. And Abel has to tell someone about everything he knows soon, right? The final act of Sons Of Anarchy is here; let’s ride.

Sons Of Anarchy S07E08 – The Separation Of Crows

Sons Of Anarchy moved closer to its end game with “The Separation Of Crows”, and they actually slowed things down a little compared to most of the season. Hell, there wasn’t even a chase of any kind; just one death and a little more dismemberment, nothing major. Let’s go….

-The episode opens with Jax sitting on a roof, which is something we haven’t seen in a while. He is finally joined by Chibbs, and he admits that Marks is smarter than him, that he underestimated him. Chibbs tells him to man up and stop being a punk because this is no time to be shook. Jax has had multiple chances to slow this down, and he didn’t take them. Shoot, Bobby said they could back off, Jax said nah, and we see Bobby being contrasted against Juice in jail, missing an eye. Chibbs said they all knew the risks they were taken when they started this revenge mission for Tara, and all I can think is, man, they’re gon’ be soooooooooooo pissed when they find out this is all Gemma’s fault. Like, ALL OF IT. Meanwhile, Gemma is still chillin’, playing nurse for the junkie mom and being paranoid as hell, and Abel is quietly coloring and stewing over the knowledge that his grandmother killed his mother, which we will get to later.

-Tyler continues to be Jax’s errand boy, giving him the scoop on Marks’ security guy, who dropped off Bobby’s eye. Dude’s name is Moses and he is ex-military, along with ex-Blackwater, which I never knew was a thing until I read a book on them a few years ago. Tyler also said that Marks is planning to send another piece of Bobby every 24 hours if he doesn’t get the mom and the son from the church, and that he is shook by being around this angry group. Jax chastises him, even though he just got finished saying something similar and Tyler is risking his life as a double agent for the club. What a guy.

-The club continues to look for the body of the kid they killed early in the season, that turned out to be the son of the Indian Hills president, Jury. They find out that the kid’s mom lives out in the boonies and they get shot at when they show up, but fortunately, her younger son shows up and becomes a hostage, which ends the situation. They finally learn that the kid was indeed Jury’s son and put together that Jury ratted them out because they killed him, or so they think. I am pretty sure he did, but there are so many stories going in SOA that I can’t be bothered to keep track of it all and we all know what is going to happen anyway.

-The boys set up a meet in the middle of nowhere with Jury and his VP, and Jax calls him out for ratting, which Jury denies and goes on this rant about how Jax has become what his father was trying to get SAMCRO away from. Jury was friends with Jax’s dad and wasn’t even in the club when he died, and he thinks JT killed himself, instead of the story that Clay sabotaged his bike. Jax ain’t tryna hear this truth and punches Jury, who pulls his gun and gets a bullet to the cheek. His VP is livid and said Jax is gon’ get it, so keep that in the back of your head. But the boys have to go to Gemma’s right away.

-Moses sits down with Bobby and tries to get the location of the bodies they buried at one of four possible construction sites. He tries to level with Bobby, who was in the reserves, but was never deployed, but Bobby sees through it, which is why they took “the smart one”. They just want the location, but Bobby laughs when asked to put his smoke out on the correct one, even as he is threatened with losing his clutch hand.

-But there is other stuff going as Juice meets with Jarry and Unser and says he will give names and details to them about Tara’s murder in exchange for a deal. Unser knows something is going on and figures out that Jax wants Juice in the same place as Lin so he can kill him and get back into SAMCRO. Unser knows how this works: Juice would have been dead by now if the club didn’t need him, and he also figured out Gemma is involved. He is not long for this show; Gemma gon’ kill him, bruh.

-Gemma is called back to town because Abel is in trouble at school again, and apparently he hit a kid in the head with a metal lunchbox. Two things: one, anyone else find it hard to take Courtney Love being serious and making sense as the teacher? And two, who the hell sends their kid to the school with a metal lunchbox? Jesus. Anyway, Gemma doesn’t take kindly to Ms. Love and says Abel will hit her next, but she knows she has to talk to Abel. She asks Abel something to the effect of, “do you know what an accident is?” and he replies, “do you!”. SON. All he had left to say was, “BITCH, YOU KILLED MY MOM!”, and I would have fallen out of my chair. But this gets cut off as Gemma goes to Thomas’ bedroom to find “No Son Is Safe” written on the wall with a stuffed animal also on the wall, with a knife stuck on it. In her room, she finds her birds dead in her bed. Marks told Jax that no Son was safe if he was betrayed, so we can pin that on him, although we all probably thought it was Abel for a brief minute.

-This is when the boys were called to the house, and Jax tells Chibbs to call Tyler and set up a meeting with Marks. He will give up the location of the bodies, but not the mother and the son, who Marks will kill anyway. This gets back to Moses, who gets told the information by……Carmelo Anthony of the New York Knicks? Holy random. Anyway, Moses tells Bobby that the terms were non-negotiable and proceeds to cut off his hand, or fingers. We didn’t get to see it, but the screaming and the crunching of bones was enough to let you know that some shit is going down.

-The boys are back on the rooftop, and Chibbs asks Jax if Jury actually confessed, and this could mess up relations with the other chapters of SAMCRO. Jax wants to know what Chibbs saw, and Chibbs said it was complicated, but he should be ready for blowback. Who ISN’T Jax fighting now? But that conversation ends when Tig brings up another box, which has some of Bobby in it, but Jax doesn’t even bother to open it because he can’t face what he is doing.

A relatively tame episode by SOA standards, but the final act is almost set. Gemma is still frantically trying to keep her secret, while Juice sits on a cell, crushing roaches with his hand. The boys are still looking for Bobby and that will come to a head very soon, possibly with Bobby’s head. Abel is going to kill someone or something. Unser gotta die. The body count over the last five episodes of Sons Of Anarchy is about to be enormous.