Category Archives: The Walking Dead

The Walking Dead S06E13 – The Same Boat

The Walking Dead rolled towards the finish line of Season 6 with “The Same Boat”, and there wasn’t a lot that happened in this episode. All it did was strengthen my belief that my favorite character is probably not long for this world. Let’s go…..

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-It starts where “Not Tomorrow Yet” left off, with Carol and Maggie getting ambushed. Carol doesn’t kill the man that runs up on them, because she has a conscience now, which isn’t going to work out for her. Then they’re surrounded by the Saviors, led by Alicia Witt, whose name is Paula here, but she has been in everything. Seriously, everything. Anyway, we see Paula talking to Rick about the hostage situation.

-Maggie and Carol are taken to a cell, where they get to know the rest of Paula’s crew. They leave for a minute and Carol finds some rosary beads on the floor, while Maggie tries to at least loosen her bonds around her hands. The group returns and Carol starts hyperventilating, and Maggie is like, uhhhhhhhh, I don’t know if this is a plan or what, but sure, I’ll roll with it. Meanwhile, Carol is getting made fun of by Molly, but Carol asks her not to smoke because of Maggie’s baby. I’m not sure I would have told the group that Maggie was pregnant, but hey, she must have a plan.

-The guy that Carol shot is PISSED that Paula and ’em are letting Carol and Maggie live, and starts wylin’ out, smacking Paula and kicking Carol, until Paula gunbutts him and knocks his ass out. Paula doesn’t look like she is in control of much here. That’s one of my main issues with this episode, and really, I only have two: one is that I don’t buy Alicia Witt as the ringleader of a bad group. I’ll get to two in a bit here. Sucks, too. I’ve always liked her in stuff. I just didn’t buy it.

-Michelle, one of the Saviors, tells Maggie that she was pregnant once, and that Maggie should know that her group aren’t the good guys. Maggie is looking at her like, I didn’t say we were, but I’ll let you cook. Paula is in the other room telling Carol that she’s pathetic, which means she’s not going to make it out of this episode. Rick tries to holla at Paula to see what’s up with this hostage trade, but Paula isn’t much for talking. Carol tries to explain to Paula why her group killed those people at the outpost because Negan’s motorcycle gang tried to take Daryl, Sasha and Abe. Then Molly says some bullshit about them all being Negan, and at this point, just show the man (and I know it’s a man because of the leaked casting). This is getting annoying now. I want them all to die. Oh, and then Carol and Paula play the “well, you’re a killer too” game. You’re both killers. Stop it.

-Paula does radio Rick to set something up, but she worries that Rick and ’em are already close to, or already inside, their building. Paula and Molly leave, and Carol gets herself free, of course. Carol goes to rescue Maggie, who decides that they can’t leave anyone alive, because pregnant Maggie is in a position to make this decision. They also find that Donnie died of his gunshot from Carol and is starting to turn, and when Donnie attacks Molly, they kill her and take her gun. Meanwhile, Paula gets back to the cell and sees all the dead bodies, and is like, OH SHIT I’M NOT BUILT FOR THIS AT ALL.

-Carol and Maggie meet Paula at the hallway of death, which features a slew of impaled walkers right down the middle. Paula wastes all her bullets and doesn’t hit anyone, and Carol tells Paula to run so she doesn’t have to kill her, even Maggie is like, KILL HER. And this is issue #2: Carol is going to die. She’s getting soft and that doesn’t work out in the world of The Walking Dead. Then a walker comes out of nowhere and Maggie kills it, and then goes to fight Michelle. Why the hell is pregnant Maggie doing all this fighting? Does this bother anyone? Anyway, Michelle slashes at her stomach, but Maggie narrowly avoids it and then Carol shoots her in the head.

-Carol doesn’t want to kill an injured Paula, but Paula rushes at her and Carol has to push her into an impaled walker, which eats Paula’s face. Then Carol concocts a plan to meet the rest of the Saviors in a room, which she sets on fire in what was probably the best scene of the episode. Carol’s kill count is now, what, 25, 26? She’s getting there. Anyway, they get out of the slaughterhouse, killing a turned Paula along the way, and reunite with the group. Maggie and Glenn hug, and Daryl asks Carol if she is okay; Carol is like, NAH BRUH.

-Rick asks the guy that they have held hostage, Primo, if Negan was in there and Primo is like, I’m Negan, and Rick is like, fuck this, and shoots him. There ya go.

-Oh, before I forget, outside of the “setting everyone on fire” part, the best part of the episode was the latest clip for Fear The Walking Dead: Flight 462……oooooooooooh buddy. Only two left in that, as well. AMC is capitalizing on this like shit, and good for them.

That “I’m not okay” by Carol at the end of the episode was the most telling part. She is getting racked by guilt over all the dirt that she has done, and I think it started with Sam. I understand why she is because Carol hasn’t been a good person, but she’s still my favorite character and is now at the top of the Death Pool rankings, which is a constant revolving door. I’m just kinda bitter that an episode centered around two of my three favorite characters was just so…..I don’t know….meeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhh.

So now, it’s really just a matter of who is going to die….someone is. The mission for Rick’s group is to find Negan, which I hope they do soon because this whole “we’re all Negan” shit is annoying. But there are only three episodes left in Season 6 of The Walking Dead, so we should get some answers soon.

The Walking Dead S06E12 – Not Tomorrow Yet

The Walking Dead is coming down the homestretch now with “Not Tomorrow Yet”, as the battle with Negan and the Saviors is looming. This was a nice little start, but the ending definitely raised the stakes. Let’s go…..

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-We open with Carol, doing her little homemaker thing, going through how much food they don’t have anymore in Alexandria. Remember that run Daryl and Rick were supposed to make, to find crops and shit, and instead started fuckin’ around with Jesus and not driving back to the spot like they were supposed to? Yeah. But she takes some time out to kill a walker while out looking for stuff, and it’s gon’ take a lot of Tide pens to get that blood out. Anyway, she makes acorn cookies, and I’d eat ’em, because her casseroles were godly and her cookies shut Sam up….also made him go a little crazy, but these things happens. She gives the cookies to everyone, including Tobin, and they do some weird old-people flirting. This is going to be gross.

-Rick and ’em return and Rick tells everyone to meet at the church in an hour. He tells Carol that they’re gon’ have to fight, and Carol looks like she feels some kinda way about it. Killa Carol…..now is NOT the time to get soft on me. That’s how mufuckas die, and you’re the only person on this godforsaken show that I don’t want to die. Then Morgan comes around the corner and asks Carol why he didn’t tell Rick about the Wolf that he tried to rehabilitate, and Carol is like, we ain’t got time for that shit right now. Morgan always wants to talk about shit. Then she drops a cookie off at Sam’s headstone and we’re off.

-Rick tells the group of a plan to kill the Saviors before they attack Alexandria, and OH LOOK, THERE GOES MORGAN WANTING TO TALK TO THEM. I’m getting real sick of this guy….but it sucks because he can fight and you need fighters. I know he wasn’t around for Terminus or the Governor, but this is getting ridiculous. No one has his back, though, and Rick is like, aight, everybody gotta die. But for a second, Jesus looks at Morgan, and I bet he’ll talk to Morgan at some point. I don’t trust that dude for a second.

-Carol wakes up in the middle of the night and adds “Ws7” to a list, which means she killed seven of the Wolves, and she tallies up that she has killed 18 people so far. KILLA CAROL PUTTIN’ IN WORK.

-Sigh. She’s gon’ die.

-Maggie tells Glenn that she is going on this mission because she is the one who brokered the deal, but she will stay on the perimeter. This seems like a REALLY bad idea. I admire her courage, but Maggie has bigger things to worry about. Going out on potential killing missions while pregnant has to be against some kind of rule, although I guess all rules are out in the zombie apocalypse.

-Carol finds Tobin on his porch, and Tobin marvels at her ability  to do, as he says, things that terrify him. He boils it down to her maternal instinct and being protective, but he also says that she is more to him to that, and they kiss. Yup. She’s dying. I’m just preparing for that now. Fuck.

-Abe is packing up his shit and Rosita is like, NAH BRUH. And then he hits her with, “I thought you were the last woman on Earth, but you’re not”. What a dickhole. I don’t know, some people like him, but I’ve never liked Abe. Honestly, he could die in this episode and I’d be like, cool. But again, you need fighters. But for a laugh, Eugene got the door shut on him and I got this text from my homegirl Holly: “And for comic relief, we got Eugene seeing his parents split up”. That nails that.

-Elsewhere, Tara and Denise have a moment and Tara tells her that she loves her, which seems like it’s moving kinda fast, but hey, it’s the zombie apocalypse. Denise says she’ll say it when Tara comes back; she is also going on a two-week run after they do this mission. Meanwhile, Rick gives the blueprint for how they’re going to attack the Saviors, and that they’re going to give them Gregory’s head. This sounds like a bloody plan. I like it.

-That Brothers Grimsby movie looks terrible. I might be the only person in the world that doesn’t find that Borat dude funny.

-The group gets to a spot and they beep horns to attract walkers, and they decide they’ll meet later. Father Bitchass tells Rick that he won’t back down and Rick is like, why you still wearin’ that church stuff. and FB replies that he still thinks he is who he was, or some bullshit. Also, it’ll be harder for them to see him in the dark. Now THAT shit was funny. Then Rosita runs up on Carol and tells her that she almost told Rick and ’em about Morgan in the church, and Carol tells her to keep her mouth shut, which she agrees to do, but Rosita’s so mad. For good reason, but she’s maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. Better not run up on Carol like you’re about to do something.

-Glenn and Heath kills two walkers and they tell each other that they haven’t killed people yet, only walkers. I’ll take their word for it because I’m not looking through six seasons of stuff, but that surprises me about Glenn. He has never shot anyone? Not even at Terminus or with the Governor? Huh. Interesting.

-Glenn had sawed off that walker’s head, which added to the numbers of heads. Rick’s plan is to use one of those heads to fool the Saviors, who would think it was Gregory, and then roll in through the front. Jesus says that the nose on the head Rick picked is different from Gregory, so Rick punches the head in the face a buncha times. Andy, who was part of the Hilltops, says “the Saviors: they’re scary but those pricks got nothing on you.”. Yeah, dogg, Rick ain’t here for fuckin’ around. He makes terrible decisions and he’s probably going to get people killed, but he doesn’t go back on what he decides.

-YOOOOOOOOOOOO That Fear The Walking Dead: Flight 462 joint. He FINALLY turned. Ate the fuck outta his wife, too haha.

The Purge: Election Year. That is a real thing. I thought it was fake until just now.

-Andy rolls up to the Saviors’ compound with the head in a bag, and the guards say that it’s cool, but Daryl slides up and kills one of them while the other goes to get someone. The group heads into the compound and starts puttin’ in work, and Rick gets kill of the week for slowly, and grossly, putting his knife in the head of a sleeping dude. That shit was great. Glenn and Heath do the same thing, although Glenn takes one for Heath, who ain’t about that life. Man, I coulda SWORN Glenn killed a mufucka or three before. But he doesn’t feel so bad now, because the Saviors kept trophy pictures of people they killed, with their heads crushed. And these are the mufuckas Morgan want to talk to? Fuck outta here.

-Tara and Father B (I’m just getting lazy now, and I barely remember dude’s name at this point) are with Jesus, Andy and some Craig guy, that the guard apparently went to get (and I assume he is dead now) in a car. Tara tells Father B that she feels some kinda way about this mission, and that is why she told Denise that she loved her, and Father B is like, well, you have a reason to fight now. If only Jesus and Andy knew that they could get outta this with no problems. Get past Tara and they’re good.

-Abe and Sasha find a Savior and after a fight, the Savior pulls the alarm, so there goes that plan. Maggie wants to go in and fight, and Carol is like, are you fuckin’ crazy? Shoulda left her ass at home. The fight is on now; Aaron has to stab a guy after running in his room, Tara pops two people, Glenn and Heath find an armory and lay waste to a buncha people on the other side of the door, and Jesus finishes one of them off. Even Father B kills someone, and hits ’em with an “Amen”. Alright, buddy. That’s a good start to removing the B from your name.

-In the morning, the group does a sweep. Glenn asks Heath and Tara to postpone their run, but they decide to go anyway. We see Morgan back at Alexandria, welding what I think is a door for a cell. Michonne asks Rick about which one he thought Negan was and just then, a Savior comes outta nowhere on Daryl’s bike. Rosita shoots him, Daryl punches him a couple times and all is good….until a female voice comes over the radio that is on the Savior. The voice tells Rick to lower his gun, which is pointed at the Savior, and she says that they have Carol and Maggie, and they should talk about some stuff.

-I didn’t see the post-credit scene if there was one, so yeah, I’ll look for that later.

So, we’ll find out who this woman was next week, and I assume she’ll get us closer to Negan. I know Negan is a dude until the casting news that came out last year was a lie. But now that they have Carol and Maggie, all bets are off. My bet is that Carol doesn’t make it back to Alexandria, and it’ll be Rick’s fault somehow (probably being a hothead). But hey, gotta take risks and they would have come for Alexandria anyway. These last four episodes of The Walking Dead are about to be fire, I can feel it.

 

The Walking Dead S06E11 – Knots Untie

The Walking Dead rolls on with “Knots Untie”, which introduces more new people since a whole slew of mufuckas were wiped out over the first two episodes. How long will it take until these new people show that they have to die? Not long. Let’s go….

-Abe is tryna have small talk with Sasha, who he has been flirting with for a while now, but Sasha tells him that she is switching gigs with Eugene. Abe is trying so hard to not act hurt, but she threw him in that friend zone so quick. And she’s probably like, “bruh, we all know you’re fuckin’ Rosita”, and the last thing that group needs is some Jerry Springer shit. Might be the best decision anyone makes all season.Speaking of, the next scene is him in bed with Rosita, as he thinks about Sasha, being a dirtbag.

-We get our first scene with Maggie and Glenn since they’ve been reunited, and they talk about the lack of crops they’re getting. But then they see Abe and Denise running to the basement where the homie Jesus was, so they follow. Jesus is chillin’ in the living room and Carl puts the gun to his head, but Rick and Michonne tell everyone that it’s okay. Meanwhile, I think a couple people are more like, sooooooooo……..what y’all doin’ tho?

-Jesus explains that he has a group that has food and stuff, and he was sent out to find groups to trade with. So he has obviously been spying on them, but no one presses him on it. Then they agree to go to the Hilltop, where he is from, which has bad news written all over it.

-They get ready to leave and Rick tries to explain to Carl about Michonne, but Carl is like, nah, it’s cool, dogg, do your thing. And Carl loves Michonne at this point. Obviously, it’s not his mom, but he hasn’t even said Lori’s name in a couple seasons. Fair enough, because she was terrible.

-A group of Rick, Michonne, Glenn, Maggie and Abraham head to the Hilltop with Jesus, and Abe asks Glenn about he and Maggie bringing a child into this world. It’s a good point, but Glenn says they’re building something at Alexandria. And another point: should pregnant Maggie be on this trip? Back to that in a bit.

-They see an overturned car on the road, which Jesus recognizes as being from his place, so they investigate it because why not. Daryl tracks them to a building, leaving Jesus with Maggie, which seems like another terrible idea, but she has a gun and Maggie will shoot you in the face. They found the group in the building, killing a couple walkers along the way, and they realize that one is also an obstetrician, which is great for Maggie and Glenn, and worries the shit outta me. One of the survivors tells Jesus that he was his dead wife when he thought he was going to die, which strikes a nerve with Abe because of his past. He’s going to snap and get someone killed, probably himself, but definitely someone else.

-They get to the Hilltop, which is guarded by a couple of dudes with spears, and it’s a good thing they weren’t black or else this recap would have been 2,000 words of fire. But they weren’t, and they want Rick and ’em to lower the guns, and Rick is like, man, WE GOT GUNS AND Y’ALL GOT FUCKIN’ SPEARS. Jesus calms everyone down and Rick and ’em get to keep their guns, and that they ran out of ammo months ago. This keeps getting more fishy, bruh. But they got a mansion that used to be a museum as well as crops, so Rick and ’em are like, well, we’re here.

-They meet Gregory, the leader, who wants everyone to clean up before they sit on anything, which is fair, but Rick’s group don’t even look that dirty outside of Daryl, and that’s just his thing at this point. Rick wants Maggie to talk to Gregory, which is why she is here: because of her work with Deanna. Rick hopes she picked up some skills on how to talk to mufuckas. But she tries that and Gregory is a douche, telling her that he knows they don’t have much food, that they’ll only help if the Alexandria people work at the Hilltop, and then proceeds to either hit on Maggie, or basically tell her that she’s about to be a sex slave or something (not in so many words, but that’s what I got out of it). Maggie is like, y’all ain’t got ammo or medication, and we can do this easy, and Gregory is like, NOAP. Man, after all Maggie has been through? He has no idea who he is messing with. After her run-in with The Governor, Maggie doesn’t scare easily. And this felt kinda Governor-y.

-Everyone else is outside and a group returns to the Hilltop from a meeting with Negan, who has killed two of them and they’re holding a third. There was also a message from Negan, delivered by someone named Ethan, who stabbed Negan in the stomach and a fight ensues. Rick ends up killing Ethan, while Daryl saves Abe from being choked out, although he didn’t put up much of a fight. Rick gets up with blood on his face like, THE FUCK Y’ALL WANNA DO, and Jesus is like, they’re good, Ethan started it, but some girl punches Rick and you know Michonne ain’t here for that at all. She pushed that girl to the ground like she wasn’t anything. Rick got him a down-ass chick that can fight now….which will suck that much more when she dies.

-Goddamn, that was good. Rick seriously looked at them like, you think this is the first time I’ve had a mufucka’s blood on my face and my mouth? This ain’t even zombie blood. Fuck outta here with that. Daryl in the background like, y’all don’t wanna fuck with him.

-Meanwhile, Abe leaves a necklace that Rosita gave him on the ground, right there, and he’s about to bring so much fuckass drama to this spot. And no one cares, b.

-Jesus tells the group about Negan, who runs The Saviors, and the deal was that they wouldn’t attack the Hilltop in exchange for half of what they had, on some Eddie Murphy in Raw shit. Rick is like, yo, how about we kill Negan and ’em, in exchange for what you got, and Jesus says he’ll take that to Gregory. Yo, these Hilltop people gotta be working with the Saviors. They can’t be outchea gettin’ got by EVERYBODY, can they?

-Gregory tells Maggie that he agrees to the deal, but Maggie is like, nah, HALF, EDDIE (just watch the clip). He agrees to that because like she said, the Saviors will keep coming for more until they have everything, then they’ll just kill everyone at the Hilltop anyway. Maggie had this in her long before Deanna.

-They leave the Hilltop, and Rick is briefed on Negan’s compound, while Maggie and Glenn get an ultrasound from that doctor (Harlan), and they show the group the picture of their unborn child. What in the hell are they setting us up for?

A solid episode, I’d say, and it made sense for the most part (it wouldn’t be a TWD episode if there weren’t a couple stupid things, but nothing awful). We learn a little more about Negan and how ain’t-shit he is, so they’re setting that up for the last few episodes of the season. They’re focusing on Abe a little more, which makes him rise up the TWD Death Power Rankings. I also don’t completely trust the Hilltop people, because that Ethan guy stabbed Gregory a little too easily. In cahoots with Negan, and everyone has been watching Alexandria, concocting this plan? We’ll see. The next episode looks like everyone is Rambo-ing up to prepare for this siege….but I bet Negan and ’em already know it’s coming. Alright, Walking Dead, I’m ready.

 

The Walking Dead S06E10 – The Next World

After coming back with a bang for the second half, The Walking Dead slowed down the pace with “The Next World”, which I was completely fine with. The pace, that is. I’m not too sure how I feel about some of the things that went down in this episode, and hopefully I’ll figure it out by the time I’m done. Let’s go….

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-The episode opens with Michonne in a bathrobe, asking Rick to bring back toothpaste on a supply run, and it seems like some time has passed since Carl got his eye shot out. Then you have Denise asking Daryl to bring back pop for Tara. Rick and Michonne look mad comfortable and I raise an eyebrow. But Denise and Tara, is that a thing now? They kissed in the first half of this season, so hey, do your thing, ladies. A threesome is still in play for someone, because I’ve given up on Glenn.

-Speaking of, Maggie sees Enid and tries to get her to talk, but Enid ain’t tryna hear it. Maggie tells her that she’s around if she wants to talk. So we don’t even get a Glenn-Maggie reunion after that bullshit they pulled last week? We get Maggie and Enid? Okay then. I’ve been waiting for her ass to get eaten since she got there.

-And not eating her actual ass, you dirtbags.

-Eugene gives Rick and Daryl a map of the area and points out an agricultural-supply store, where they can hopefully find stuff to grow their own food. Look at Eugene, being helpful. This is what he is good for. As they’re driving, in a Chrysler 300 no less because if you’re gon’ ride around in the zombie apocalypse, might as well be in some nice shit. Rick said he wants to find food and new people, which Daryl counters that they haven’t seen in weeks. I’m cool with food, but what in the hell do you want to find new people for? Tell me how great that has worked out in the past?

-Michonne, while keeping watch, sees Spencer walking out into the woods with a shovel, and obviously she has to follow him. But I trust whatever Michonne does, so it’s cool.

-Rick and Daryl see a barn, and they find a truck inside. It seems awful trappy to me. Then they leave the car there and take the truck, and stop at a gas station to get more shit, which seems even more trappy. Then a dude comes outta nowhere, and they pull the heat on him. He says his name is Paul Rovia, and he said he was running from walkers. They decide that he isn’t a problem and let him do, then they hear shots from behind the gas station, which they discover are fireworks. That’s when they realize they’ve been had, and Paul Rovia is driving off with the truck. See, Rick? See what tryna be friends gets you? You got friends, bruh. Shoot anyone you see and keep it movin’. That’s why Killa Carol needs to pass the concussion protocol and be out there on these runs.

-Spencer is out in the woods, tryna draw a walker out and kill it, but Michonne steps up and kills it. Spencer is like, so you think I’m a bitch and Michonne is like, man, I told ya moms I’d look after ya bitch ass. Not in those words, but that’s more or less what she meant. Or what I meant.

-Meanwhile, Carl and Enid are in the woods, reading comic books, and even Enid is like, dogg, what are we doing out here? Carl is like, we’re kids and that’s what we do. You’ll know when you’re surrounded by walkers. You already got away with one when y’all were chillin’ in that tree. Stop wandering around in the woods. You can read comics in the house. Y’all gon’ learn, dammit.

-They hear a noise and see that it is Spencer and Michonne, and Enid is like, man, fuck this, I’m out, and Carl is like, okay. I’ll give him a pass because he is still a kid and just got his eye taken, but come on, Carl. You know she’s right. But they see a walker as they’re walking away and Carl pushes it down, but he won’t let Enid kill it, and you realize from the looks on their faces that they recognize it. You should know who it is.

-Meanwhile, Rick and Daryl are on foot and they eventually catch up to Paul and the truck, holding him at gunpoint and tying him up. They did leave the knots loose enough so he could escape, and here, I have a couple questions. Why not just kill him and take the keys? Why leave the ropes loosened? Because guess what, they’re driving away and realize that he is on top of the truck. HOW IN THE NAME OF REG AND PETE DID HE GET ON TOP OF THE TRUCK? You mean to tell me he got free that fast and climbed on top? Did he chase down the truck because he’s a really fast runner? This show is great. The Walking Dead‘s foundation is built on people making terrible decisions. Wouldn’t be shit without it.

-Anyway, they chase him down with Daryl and Paul (also named Jesus because that’s what his friends called him) fighting in the truck, which ends up in a lake. They got out before that, and Paul also saved Daryl by shooting a walker, which leads Rick to want to bring him back to Alexandria. Sure, Rick. Why the hell not?

-Michonne and Spencer see Carl leaving a walker behind, and the walker stumbles towards them…..it’s Zombie Deanna! Spencer was out here because he thought he saw her before, and he wanted to get up the courage to kill her so he could bury her. This goes into the end of the episode, when Michonne tells Carl that he should have killed Zombie Deanna, and he thought it should have been someone in her family. He’s not entirely wrong. Now stop walking around in the fuckin’ woods.

-Daryl and Rick bring Paul to the infirmary so he can be taken care of by Denise, the world’s best nurse now. Then they take him to the basement, leaving him some water and a note, which we can’t read.

-Rick then meets Michonne at the house, where he gives her mints and both of them say that they’ve had a day. Anyway, they end up holding hands and they kiss, which we’ve all seen coming for a minute now, but Rick end up up with Jessie, who is now probably a walker somewhere. It seemed kinda awkward. My big fear is now that Michonne is gon’ die. Rick’s women don’t have a good track record.

-Then there was the post-credit scene, which I didn’t see. But I guess Paul was in the basement in Rick’s house? Really, bruh? The house where your kids are at? There aren’t other houses? And where is Daryl? WHY DON’T YOU JUST KILL PEOPLE? FUCK.

“The Next World” was alright, not the best episode of The Walking Dead, but not the worst. We needed to catch our breath after “No Way Out”. They skipped over a few things, but it is what it is. Seems like Rick just got over Jessie and Michonne is the rebound? He better not get her killed. We’ll see next week what the deal is with Jesus, and what kinda trap he set for them. Because he is involved in a trap, possibly with Negan (comic readers, don’t tell me and be that person, I’m not having the spoiler conversation again). I look forward to many more terrible decisions from The Walking Dead.

The Walking Dead S06E07 – Heads Up

The Walking Dead is almost at the midseason point as “Heads Up” answered a few questions about some things that happened earlier this season. Not only was that a big ol’ crock of horseshit, but I found a couple more things to hate about this show. Will I continue watching? Obviously. But I’ma be mad about it. Let’s go…..

-So, the shit opens going back to “Thank You“, aka the Glenn episode and we pick up with walkers buffeting their way all over Nicholas. I’m not describing it, y’all watched what happened. So, here are my issues with this fuckery:

a) Walkers are just grabbing at Nicholas, but you mean to tell me that they don’t grab on to Glenn? Not a fingernail? Not a scratch? Nothing? Like they can’t tell that another warm body is right underneath the one they’re eating? WORD?

b) So fine, he gets away from that. He manages to slide under the dumpster and walkers are tryna get at him? Not one walker can touch him? They’re grabbing at his hair and all that shit. NOT ONE WALKER CAN TOUCH HIM? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS.

c) Fine, he stays under the dumpster for an entire night. Where did these walkers go? They decided they needed to be somewhere else? They’re like, well, can’t reach him, guess I’ll just give up and try something else? NAH. Their whole mission is to eat and when there is something right there, they’re not leaving until they get it. But this is what we’re doing now? Zombies giving up on food that is right there in front of their fucking faces? COOL.

d) How long was Glenn underneath the dumpster? Wiki says days, but we see one scene where it has gone to nighttime, so are we supposed to believe that he was under there for days? If you’re gon’ try and pull some fuck shit like this, for the love of God, make it believable.

-Yeah, I said “believable” in a show about zombies. Be mad about it.

-Look, I love me some Glenn. Little Pizza Boy is one of my favorite characters. But him coming back is the biggest bunch of bullshit that The Walking Dead has tried to feed us, and they’ve served up some shit sammiches in its day. People love characters to come back…..nah, bruh. Just die already and move on with the fucking story. And also, I could have spent another 500 words on this section, just so you know.

-So then, he manages to get from under the dumpster that he has been under for either 12 hours or 12 weeks, who the fuck knows….and there is Enid with a bottle of water. Just happens to be on top of a building with water like someone standing on the sidelines at a marathon. Sure. Fine. And not only that, she throws the bottle in a puddle of blood and entrails. Jesus. Anyway, he chases her, she tells him Alexandria was attacked, but still runs away and Glenn, of course, has to chase her. Holy shit. I’m getting a headache watching this again.

-Back at Alexandria, Rick is checking out the walls and he tells Morgan he needs to talk to him about some shit later, and again he sees some blood trickling from the other side of the wall. He sees Maggie at the lookout post, where she is looking for a signal from Glenn, and I kinda feel bad for her; the only person on this show that I do feel bad for, but only for a minute. I’ll never let the shit with Beth go, speaking of shit sammiches. I’ve tried, but fuck it.

-Glenn finds David, the guy with Michonne that didn’t make it over the fence, and he turned, so Glenn stabs him in the head. But he finds the note that David wrote to his wife, the one that Michonne said he didn’t need because he would see her again, but that shit ain’t work out.

-Father Bitchass puts up a note saying there would be a prayer circle and Rick ripped that shit down with the quickness. I didn’t even notice because I was still mad from the Glenn shit. I missed a lot of shit this episode on the first go being mad at the Glenn shit. Anyway, he and Carl are taking Ron out to teach him how to shoot. Oh my, how mad y’all are gon’ be when Ron does some fuck shit like, I don’t know, shoots Carl. They set this shit up like, two episodes ago. Ron has “fuckboy” written all over his face.

-Morgan goes to Denise, but doesn’t tell her what he wants, and Rick is like, aye, come here for a second, bruh. Rick, Michonne and Carol question him about the Wolves and Morgan not killing them. Morgan throws out some “all life is precious” bullshit that he said to Daryl in “Conquer“, and that’s fine. He says that anyone can change and I get where he is coming from as we saw in “Here’s Not Here“, but come on, dogg. The dude you have caged up has been bitten….this is the one you want to save? It’s gon’ suck when he kills Morgan or worse, someone else.

-There is a sweet camera shot of the truck that rammed into the tower outside of the Alexandria walls when the Wolves showed up, and it pans over that to get to a shot of all the walkers lining up at said wall. Knowing what we know by the end of the episode, that’s pretty good….so there is one good thing that happened. Michonne and Rick are tryna come up with a plan to get the walkers away, and Michonne wants to use the Alexandria people, but Rick is like, nah, they’re stupid. Michonne tries to talk him out of it, but dammit, he’s right. That being said, I’m not sure they really have a choice. Then Deanna runs up, all happy, talkin’ about plans for expansion and Rick is like, yeah, how about we just get through this shit first? Good for her, though. At least she seems to have her wits about her again.

-Rosita is teaching the Alexandrians how to use a machete, but it’s Eugene that is the most scared out of everyone, which blows my mine. Rosita, too, because she says that being scared of dying isn’t what should scare him, it is watching your friends die after you were too scared to save him, which I think already happened with Eugene. For all the shit that he has seen and caused, Eugene still being a bitch? Why haven’t we thrown him to the walkers again? Dude ain’t even a real scientist.

-Enid is in a restaurant, but Glenn being Glenn, catches up to her and tells her he is taking her back to Alexandria. He says that Maggie wouldn’t leave her behind, but listen, Enid’s being a little snot. She doesn’t wanna come, she doesn’t wanna come, let her fend for herself and see how far that gets her. Then she has the nerve to pull a gun on Glenn? He’s like, if you don’t get that shit outta my fuckin’ face. Walks up on her and grabs that shit. She is another one that needs to go. I can’t even do a “Who Do I Want To Die” Power Rankings because the list would be too long. Let’s just say I want everyone to die but Carol and maybe, Maggie. Everyone else? Bye.

-Another week, another reminder to sit down and watch that Fear The Walking Dead: Flight 462 joint. Mmmmmhhhhmmmmm, they know that dude got bit now. It’s about to be on and poppin’. That Asian lady be knowin’.

-Anyway, Glenn grabs the gun and tells Enid to bring her little ass on, while Rick is back playing carpenter at Alexandria. Tobin asks to help him, but really, the point of this scene is for him to tell Rick not to give up on the Alexandrians. He admits that they weren’t built for this, and it’s taking a while for them to wrap their heads around it, but they’ll catch on. Tobin looks like he says the N-word a lot. I don’t trust him.

-Enid kills a walker that has been cut in half, and Glenn looks at her, and she says some slick shit like, wouldn’t your wife have wanted me to kill it? Man, feed her ass to a herd or something. I’m tired of her mouth. They find some balloons, which she says will distract the walkers, and Glenn tries to say something to her, and she says something smart again. If she survives this season, I’ll be blue mad.

-Ron manages to distract Olivia so he can steal some bullets and move his fuckboy plan forward. Good job, Olivia, good effort.

-I forgot about The War For The Planet Of The Apes. That joint’s gon’ be good.

-Glenn and Enid finally get to Alexandria, where they see that it’s a zombie party outside the walls. Enid says some shit about tryna let the world die and of course, Glenn is all noble and says that’s some bullshit. Again, if she wants to go, let her go. I’d be the worst person to be in the zombie apocalypse with. You wanna go off on your own? Aight, cool.

-Rick and Tobin see Spencer tryna climb out of Alexandria with a rope that he has attached to the tower, and of course, that shit breaks and he almost gets caught by walkers. I don’t even know how he got away from them. Oh right, Tara climbs outside of the wall herself to shoot whatever walkers she can, long enough for Morgan to jump in and help Rick and Tobin pull Spencer to safety, while Michonne helps Tara back in. Rick loses it, yelling at Tara for putting her life on the line for one of the Alexandrians, which is kinda weird of him to say like, in front of them and Tara gives him the finger, which was pretty fuckin’ good. Then he yells at Spencer, whose plan was to get to a car so he could lead the walkers away, but come on, he ain’t pullin’ that shit off. Spencer even says to rick that if he had came to him with the plan, Rick wouldn’t have allowed it. And why should he? Maybe if someone else did it.

-Morgan goes to Denise and comes clean: he needs antibiotics if there are some to spare. So Morgan wants to use what medicine they have on a Wolf that has been bitten? Cool. But Carol is on the porch with Judith and when she sees Morgan and Denise walking down the street, she transforms into Killa Carol, walking down the middle of the street with Judith in tow. She goes to Jessie and is like, aye, take Judith for me for a minute, while Sam asks Carol if the Wolves were monsters. She actually asks her if you kill one of them, do you turn into a monster and Carol says something like, killing is the only way from becoming a monster. The writing leaves a lot to be desired, but basically, she’s saying kill or be killed, which is why I fucks with Carol. Anyway, she unlocks the door to Morgan’s spot and demands to know who he has in there.

-Cut to a scene of Carl walking down the street, and Ron rollin’ up behind him with a gun. Before I wrote it earlier, I knew this was happening. Go back to the joint where Ron first asked Rick to teach him to shoot. Using his mom’s vagina to get into Rick’s good graces. What a fuckboy.

-Michonne is looking at Deanna’s blueprints, while Rick is noisily hammering with Tobin, and he apologizes to Tara for yelling at her. Deanna thanks him for saving Spencer (she already thanked Tara), and asks why he did it. Rick says it is because he was her son, and she responds with “wrong answer”. Did you want the truth or not? To be fair, Rick would have really tried to save anyone that tried to do that dumb shit that Spencer pulled. That’s how Rick is wired.

-Everyone sees the balloons, including Maggie, who starts getting psyched. But then the watchtower, which we saw earlier, starts to creek and tumble over in the slowest of motions. It crashes into the wall and that can only mean one thing: the walkers are coming.

From start to finish, this was one of the most annoying and frustrating episodes in the history of The Walking Dead, mainly because of the stuff with Glenn, which I’m never gon’ like and that’s fine; I get that a lot of people do like it, I just think it’s fucking stupid. But it is what it is and I’ll be watching next week because the walkers are through the walls and the Alexandrians still aren’t ready to deal with this. That means we probably won’t get any resolution to the Carl/Ron thing, although Carl could just turn around, grab Ron’s gun and smack him like, we’ll deal with this later. The Morgan/Carol thing will have to wait, and we’re still waiting for Glenn, Daryl, Abe and Sasha to get back. I assume it’ll be 90 minutes, but I’m not looking too far ahead because, well, spoilers and y’all know how I am with that shit.

Anyway, I hate you, The Walking Dead, and you’re fucking infuriating. And I’ll be here next week.

The Walking Dead S06E05 – Now

Through the first quarter of Season 6, the theme of The Walking Dead seems to be about how not ready the Alexandria people are for these streets. “Now” sees them coming around a little bit, and they better, because there are thousands of zombies knocking at the door….and they might be the least of their worries. Let’s go….

-We open with Deanna, surveying the damage of the Wolves running wild on them, while Michonne tells Maggie that Glenn and Nicholas didn’t make it back, but he would send a signal of some sort if they got into trouble. No signal yet. They’re really doing a lot to make us think Glenn is dead. I’ma be so damn mad when he comes back. Like, furious.

-Out of nowhere, Rick starts yelling to open the gate as he runs through a few walkers like Adrian Peterson, while Deanna sits there with this dumbass look on her face. Michonne opens it and Rick gets through in the nick of time, while Deanna still stands there, stunned, and this dude is behind her with his fists up like he’s about to do something. Man, go sit your ass down somewhere.

-Rick tries to talk the Alexandrians down because they’ve seen some shit now, between the walkers and the Wolves, but some of them still don’t get it. Aaron tells them that the Wolves knew everything about them because he lost his backpack, and that the walkers were going to show up there anyway, Rick just got them prepared. Seriously, anyone who isn’t on board at this point, walk their ass up the wall and throw ’em to the walkers. What more do they have to see to figure out that this is what it is now? Meanwhile, Deanna is still walking around, not knowing what is going on. I think we all know who is running the show here now.

-Is it just me or does Aaron look like a homeless Justin Timberlake? Like, young Timberlake, but down on his luck?

-Jessie takes the Wolf that she killed to the graveyard, but Rick stops her because they don’t bury killers inside the walls, shoutout to her ex-husband. Meanwhile, the rest of the natives are getting restless and are tryna raid the food, because they’re gon’ die anyway. Spencer, Deanna’s son, talks them out of it, but you know something? They’d all have more food if some of them just died. Easy solution. What a whiny bunch, man. And poor Olivia. Carol needs to be guarding that shit.

-Aaron walks by Maggie, who is putting something together to, I assume, go looking for Glenn, and then he walks to the wall, where Alexandrians are writing the names of the dead. Glenn and Nicholas are on there. They are selling the shit outta this, yo. Anyway, he finds Maggie in the armory and yep, she’s going to look for Glenn, but Aaron is wracked by guilt because his photos led the Wolves there, so he is going with her. He has another way out of Alexandria, and it’s underground. Nothing bad can happen here.

-Deanna finally comes around as she looks at Reg’s wedding ring, and she takes out his map to start figuring out how they’re going to re-design this place. But then she runs into Spencer, who is drunk and berates her for fooling the community into thinking that everything was okay, and blames her for the deaths of Reg and Aiden. Look, Reg’s death was kind of an accident, and dude, your brother was an asshole that had to die anyway. You’re getting there, too, by the way. She goes back into her daze, and Spencer jumps to the top of the death-wish list, a spot formerly held by Nicholas.

-Carl tries to talk to Ron about Enid, and we learn that Enid was Ron’s girlfriend or whatever the hell you have as a teenager in the zombie apocalypse. Ron sulks and says that he won’t help find her, and threatens to tell Rick if Carl goes out there. Then they grab each other and Carl throws Ron to the ground so easy in the funniest moment of the episode. Man, Carl been out here fighting walkers since he was like, nine. Fuck is Ron’s bitch ass about to do?

-Denise is still learning to be a surgeon as Scott is dying of some sort of infection from the wound he suffered out there with Michonne and ’em, and she’s getting frustrated, and Tara tries to encourage her, I think. I zoned out for this entire scene twice. Now that there will be no Glenn/Maggie/Tara threesome, I don’t care about her anymore.

-Jessie is walking by a house when she sees a walker inside, apparently her name is Betsy, and Betsy died because she slit her wrists. A group of people stand around while Jessie kills her, and they have the nerve to look at her like she’s crazy. Jessie tells them that if they don’t fight, they die, like Rick told her last season. Rick and ’em should have just killed them all when they got there.

-Aaron leads Maggie to the sewers, and even though she is against it, he goes with her, which makes sense since she doesn’t know where she is going. They’re walking along and Aaron is telling her how guilty he feels about the Wolves finding his backpack, when they run into sewer walkers…..so now we have rock-quarry walkers, fire walkers and sewer walkers. It has been a great season for walkers so far. Anyway, of course they get away from them and continue on their way, and Maggie tries to tell Aaron to go back because he cut his head, but he doesn’t and again, she still doesn’t know where she is going.

-Denise has a Eureka moment with her studies as she injects saline into Scott’s IV and his heart rate stabilizes. I’m not sure how medicine works and if it does it that quickly, but hey, I’ll let this slide because there are bigger fish to fry in this show, and Denise is happy as shit.

-Rick is still tryna get a hold of Daryl, Abraham and Sasha when Ron walks up to him and snitches on Carl for wanting to go and look for Enid. Then he asks Rick to teach him how to shoot. Mmmmmhmmmm, Ron is plottin’. I told y’all, he’s gon’ shoot Carl because he can’t fight, but Rick can’t see that because he’s tryna fuck Ron’s mom.

-Denise walks up to Tara and kisses her. Alright, so maybe there is a threesome still in the cards somewhere in this show?

-Aaron and Maggie get to the end of the tunnel, and Aaron volunteers to go out, but Maggie yells at him to stop, which draws the walkers there, so no one is going out there now. Maggie tells Aaron that she is pregnant, which I missed on the first watch until the end of the episode, and Maggie seems to come to grips with the idea that Glenn is dead as they continue to sell it. They hug, there are walkers in the background, it’s all very heartwarming.

-Jessie tries to give Sam, the youngest kid, a sandwich, but he won’t come downstairs because nothing has changed up there….basically, he won’t come downstairs because he watched his mother kill someone down there. Poor Sam, between that and Carol threatening him, someone needs to give this kid a cookie.

-Deanna is walking around outside, in the dark at night, by herself, and she’s attacked by a walker, or a Wolf that turned. I was wondering about all of the dead bodies…are they going to turn? Betsy did, this Wolf did…..shouldn’t they burn these mufuckas or something? Stab everyone in the head? Anyway, she fights it off, but she stabs it with a broken bottle repeatedly in the chest, and Rick walks up, one to the head and boom, it’s over. Mufuckas don’t learn anything in this show. Deanna is covered in blood and basically turns over the town to Rick, who insists she still needs to lead, but man, she’s not built for this, none of them are. She wonders if her vision for Alexandria was too idealistic and he says no, but it’s a lie. Yes, it was.

-Maggie and Aaron are erasing Glenn and Nicholas’ names from the wall, and Aaron jokes that his name is good for a boy or a girl. That’s when my ears perked up the first time like, uhhhhh, did I miss something?

-Spencer relieves Rosa from the lookout spot, and I forgot she was still around. She thanks him for taking out the Wolves’ truck, which helped keep the wall standing, but I can’t remember if he had much to do with it. Meanwhile, Rick rolls up on Jessie in her garage and admits to her that the others should have been back by now. They end up kissing in the least surprising thing to happen in this episode.

-Deanna walks along the wall and the walkers are banging on one side, and she bangs back because she’s ready to fight now. Yeah, okay. But as she walks away, we see (she doesn’t) that blood is leaking through, so the wall is starting to crack. Mufuckas won’t be long for Alexandria now.

I’ma say that this was the worst episode of the season so far, not because it wasn’t good, but everyone just annoyed me. The Alexandrians are too slow to figure this shit out, and I’ll be happy when the rest of them go. The Glenn thing is hanging over the show and it’s really pissing me off. And now they’re going to Daryl, Sasha and Abe next episode, while we don’t know what’s going on with Carol, so they’re doing the The Walking Dead thing where everyone is kinda split up, and that’s not when the show is at its best. With three episodes to go until the midseason break, can they get back on track? We’ll see next Sunday.

The Walking Dead S06E04 – Here’s Not Here

The Walking Dead knows when to take it down a notch, and after the furor of last week’s episode, “Here’s Not Here” gears down. I thought it was solid, although I’m not sure we needed 90 minutes of it. Let’s go….

-We open with Morgan staring at the camera, and he is talking to the Wolf that he captured, the one that he let go before, at least I think it’s the same one. Morgan reminds the Wolf that he wanted to take everything from Morgan, who gives him everything in the form of a story. So now we get to see why Morgan is the way he is now. I’ve been waiting for this joint.

-He is laying in the place where he was found by Rick, Michonne and Carl, and he is a mess, talking to himself, and we see the word, “CLEAR” written on the walls. “Here’s Not Here” is also written on the walls, but Morgan should be paying attention to the lantern that has fallen over, and is setting his place on fire. But after the credits, we see that Morgan has gotten out, but everything he has is gone. All he seems to have is a gun, which he is using to beat the shit out of walkers, which he then piles and burns. That has to just stink to the high heavens. Shoutout to the walker that rolled right through the fire, tho. That shit looked tight.

-As he continues to hunt walkers, two men are following Morgan, who obviously knows they’re tracking him and he fucks their entire lives up. One dude gets the end of a sharpened spear through his neck, and Morgan just chokes the life out of the other guy. He continues along his way, building another camp like the way he had before, but instead of barbed wire, he used sharpened sticks, and he uses walker blood to write “CLEAR” and “POINTLESS ACTS” on rocks and trees. We knew it before, but Morgan has lost his damn mind. But as he is hunting, Morgan hears a goat and he stumbles upon a cabin, and then he hears a voice telling him to put his gun down. Morgan is like, nah, and starts to survey the cabin, but then he gets hit upside the head and apparently, he gets outsmarted by a mufucka in a robe.

-Morgan wakes up in a cell, with tomatoes and patties of some sort, and the man walks in the room. Morgan starts pleading with the man to kill him, and this man ain’t shook at all. He gives Morgan a book called “The Art of Peace”, and we learn his name is Eastman. We also learn that the goat’s name is Tabitha. Eastman has built a makeshift fence around his cabin to keep walkers out, but they obviously hear Tabitha, so he has to kill ’em every once in a while. He does bring her in for the night, tho, and Eastman is like, you can come after me, but I fed you, don’t hurt her. Damn, Tabitha gon’ die at some point.

-Morgan is watching Eastman outside practicing with his bow staff….so that’s how he learned. He’s just in his cell, watching, while Eastman is tryna make goat cheese and it just isn’t working at all. Eventually, Eastman tells Morgan that he was a forensic psychiatrist, while Morgan tells Eastman that he clears….walkers, people, anything in his past and Eastman is like, that’s horseshit. He tells Morgan that he met one bad person on his job, and humans aren’t built to kill. That’s awful utopian of you, Eastman, and I think you’re wrong, but that is where Morgan gets this from. Morgan is also tryna figure out a way to escape, but Eastman tells him that the door to his cell has been unlocked the whole time, and Morgan is like, you gotta be kidding me. Eastman then tells him he can sleep on the couch, or he is free to leave, but Eastman doesn’t want any beef. So of course, the first thing that Morgan does is charges at him and the two fight, and he breaks what looks like a child’s drawing. Eastman gets mad, so this had to have been his daughter’s or something, and eventually gets on top, but instead of fuckin’ Morgan up, he leaves with the painting, while Morgan retreats to his cell.

-After the two cool off, Eastman tells Morgan that he learned Aikido, and he also has a rabbit’s foot that was given to him by his daughter; he got a flyer for an Aikido class right after that, so that rabbit’s foot is lucky to him. Eastman asks Morgan to watch out for Tabitha while he goes looking for stuff, and Morgan starts reading “The Art of Peace”; on the first page, we learn that the goal of Aikido to completely avoid killing at all costs, even the most evil person. Was this book written for the zombie apocalypse? I don’t think so. Anyway, he hears walkers outside and he saves Tabitha from them as she just watches them like, YEAH, YOU GET ‘EM, DOGG. I really thought he was gon’ let the walkers live. I would have been livid. So he drags the walkers into the woods like he saw Eastman do, and he finds a cemetery. Eastman takes the walkers that he kills, buries them and takes their license, so he can write their names on a cross. What a guy, bruh. I wonder how he dies?

-So then we have a montage of Eastman teaching Morgan how to use the bow staff, while he tells him about the philosophies of Aikido, which I’m not sure are true or not because I’m not looking it up, but let’s just say that it is. As they’re having dinner, Morgan asks Eastman why he has a cell, and Eastman tells him a story of the one bad person he met at his job, a psychopath named Wilton, who was up for parole, but Eastman advised against it. So Wilton broke out of jail and killed Eastman’s family for no other reason than to fuck his life up. Eastman made the cell with the intention of kidnapping Wilton and starving him to death, but he didn’t because all life is precious. Man, that’s some ol’ bullshit. He is about to die in the stupidest way.

-Eastman wants to go looking for supplies and Morgan is like, hey, I had a campground before you hemmed me up, so they go out there to grab that shit. Eastman asks Morgan the names of those he lost, so that would be his wife Jenny and his son Duane. Morgan didn’t have the heart to shoot Jenny, who then ate Duane (or something like that) so that’s a major reason why he was the way he was. He starts to get all choked up and Eastman tells him to practice his Aikido; Morgan doesn’t want to, but Eastman insists. Just then, a walker emerges, and it’s the man that Morgan choked to death in the woods. Morgan freezes and Eastman pushes him out of the way, but in the process of killing the walker, he gets bit, of course. Morgan freaks out and says it wasn’t for Eastman to do, and then he yells “not here”, which I assume was about the impromptu Aikido practice. Eastman replies with, “here’s not here”. Man, if you don’t get outta here with your fake-deep bullshit.

The Badlands and The Preacher look terrible. This Fear The Walking Dead Flight 462, however, I’m in. They can keep that shit rollin’.

-Morgan is back to hunting, and he rolls up on a walker, who is creeping up on what has to be the deafest couple in the world. How are you not hearing this thing behind you? Anyway, it looks like Morgan is about to kill them, but he’s on his “All Lives Matter” shit now and lets them go. Ol’ girl gave him a can of soup and a bullet. Uhhhhhhhhh…….thanks? He gets back to the cabin and a walker is feasting on poor Tabitha, so after killing the walker, Morgan takes them both to the graveyard, where Easton is already digging. Morgan notices the name “Wilton” on one of the crosses, and Eastman tells him that he did, in fact, get his revenge on Wilton by starving him, but he didn’t get peace from it. But yo…..you got it, tho. Good for you, buddy.

-Eastman also realizes what needs to be done, and we can deduce that he was digging his own grave. He tells Morgan where his gun is and tells him that there is enough at the house for him to survive, but he’ll be alone. He then gives Morgan the rabbit’s foot, which is what we first saw when Morgan reappeared in “Conquer“, the Season 5 finale. So after he kills and buries Eastman (which we don’t see), Morgan wanders down the tracks and sees the sign for Terminus, and that is that.

-The dude from the Wolves is like, man, that was a good story and all, and I’m happy you think I can be saved, but I got bit or scratched or some shit, and I’ma kill all y’all mufuckas. So what does Morgan do? Closes the door, locks it and walks out. SOOOOOO……who is this Wolf gon’ kill? Is it Morgan? One of the Alexandrians? Because he’s going to turn, and he’s going to kill. DOGG, HE JUST TOLD YOU HE WOULD. THE FUCK ARE WE TALKIN’ ABOUT HERE?

-Just then, Morgan hears Rick yelling to open the gate, so that’s where we should pick next week, I think.

This was an excellent piece of character development for Morgan, even though I don’t agree with any of it; at least we now know what happened to turned him into Gandhi. But again, the shit is maddening because nice people aren’t going to get through in The Walking Dead. Eastman tried to help Morgan and he died. Morgan is letting these mufuckas live, and they’re going to kill people. He couldn’t kill Jenny and she ended up eating their son. Mufuckas won’t learn, b. That’s why I’m with Rick: kill everything, figure it out later. If you die in the process, shit happens.

But again, overall, a very good episode. Lennie James kills it, as usual, and YOOOOOOOOOOO…….Eastman is played by John Carroll Lynch, who played Twisty The Clown on American Horror Story: Freak Show and John Wayne Gacy in this week’s episode of American Horror Story: Hotel. Well played. The episode didn’t need to be 90 minutes, but it didn’t feel like it dragged a lot. Good job, The Walking Dead. Season 6 has been pretty damn good so far.

The Walking Dead S06E03 – Thank You

Only three episodes into the sixth season of The Walking Dead, there are a lot of moving parts, and a lot of things can happen. “Thank You” is a huge game-changer and it’s going to be interesting how things go moving forward. See how I did that without being a spoiler? It’s not that fucking hard. Let’s go………

-We open with Rick, Glenn, Michonne and the rest of the crew heading back to Alexandria after hearing that horn from the end of “First Time Again“, and of course, we saw what caused the horn to sound off in “JSS“. Rick is in Ricktatorship mode, telling Daryl, Sasha and Abe to continue leading their portion of the walker herd away, while he tells Glenn and Michoone that he is going to grab the RV to redirect the rest of the herd the other way. He also tells Michonne that all of the Alexandrians aren’t gon’ make it and to keep going if anyone can’t keep up, and of course, Heath, homeboy with the braids, overhears. And guess what? Rick is right. These first three episodes have been a study in the Alexandrians not getting it. But more on that later.

-And on cue, one of the Alexandrians gets grabbed by a walker and dies, and after killing the walker, Michonne stabs the guy in the head with her sword. Rick pats him down, grabs an energy bar and his gun and goes on his way, while the rest of the Alexandrians are stunned as shit. A couple things here: good on Rick, not wasting supplies. Two, these walkers aren’t smart or fast…..how in the hell are Alexandrians getting caught up like that? These mufuckas are children. Actually, I won’t even diss children like that. The horn stopped, though, so that is encouraging.

-The group rolls on before encountering more walkers, and really, Glenn and Michonne could have just hung back and handled it. But naaaaaaaaaaaah, the Alexandrians wanna get involved, one of them pulls a gun out and is shook, and ends up shooting one of his people in the leg. Nicholas freezes because he is a well-known fuckboy, and another one, David is his name, apparently, gets bitten on the shoulder. Oh, and Glenn has to carry this girl who was running and twisted her ankle. These mufuckas, bruh. I’m not saying I would be Rambo in the zombie apocalypse, but holy shit, come on, dogg. At least give yourself a chance.

-Daryl tells Abe and Sasha that he is going back to help with Alexandria and while they try to tell him to stick with the plan, Daryl doesn’t give a damn and leaves anyway. Daryl has been kinda on the fence since they got to Alexandria and really, I thought he’d just drive off by himself, away from everyone. He hasn’t been the same since Beth died. Shoot, he has probably taken it harder than Maggie. I keep saying I’ma let that slide, but I’m really not gonna.

-The group continues to walk, and David looks at his shoulder, and Michonne is like, we need to kill this mufucka SOON. He wants to see his wife one last time, but it doesn’t look promising. They get to a town and they figure out that it’s the place where Nicholas and Aiden made the run that got their people killed, so at least they know their way around. They want to stop and find some treatment for Scott’s gunshot wound, and Glenn is skeptical of stopping, but Michonne figures that they have a little time ahead of the herd. Nah, bruh. You should keep going. But Michonne is deadly with her sword, so you listen to her.

-As they’re going through the town, they run into the kid that shot Scott and ran off and well, he’s walker food now, so fuck him. Nicholas freezes again and Glenn has to make him snap out of it, and then they run into more walkers, so they run into a pet store to get away. Glenn’s plan is to get to a building and set it on fire to distract the herd, and Nicholas knows just the place. Meanwhile, Heath makes a couple smart remarks and Michonne looks at him like, the fuck did you say? She also offers to go because Glenn has Maggie, but he says that is why he is doing it. Oh Lawd.

-Glenn radios his plan to Rick, who is sprinting down the road and man, his stamina is incredible. He then runs into three walkers, who stop eating and while Glenn is telling him the plan, Rick kills all of them. But he looks at his hand like he has arthritis or something, and I vaguely remember something about his hand bothering him from the past.

-Annie and Scott basically tell the rest of the group to leave them behind, but Heath isn’t having it and gives Michonne a dirty look and oooooooooh, buddy….you don’t wanna do this. Michonne runs up on him like Ice Cube in Boyz N The Hood on some “WE GOT A PROBLEM, HERE” shit and Heath tells her that he overheard what Rick said. Michonne basically tells him that he has no idea what it’s like outchea in these streets, and his little supply runs don’t mean shit. Rick has been out here surviving, she has been out here surviving, and that Heath has never been covered in so much blood, you don’t know if it’s yours, the walkers and your friends. Basically, you don’t have a choice how you get to live this life anymore. You do what you gotta do or you die…..Glenn told him that in the first episode. Heath gotta die, bruh. I DARE him to go at Michonne; she would light his ass up.

-Glenn and Nicholas are wandering around, and they come across a walker that Nicholas recognizes as someone from his ill-fated run with Aiden, and it takes him a while, but he manages to suck it up and kill it. Then they hear gunshots coming from Alexandria, so yo, they gotta be close.

-The group is in the pet store, tryna figure out a way to get out while Rick gets to the RV. In the pet store, David is writing a goodbye note to his wife, but Michonne won’t take it as she writes on her hand that he is getting home. They’re tryna be quiet because quite a herd of walkers are walking past the store, and then, a couple of walkers that are inside the store start banging on a door, so they have to kill them. However, the walkers outside hear the noise and they start coming, so they have to get out NOW.

-So they rush out of the pet store and start to run away, but Annie falls, as she is prone to do apparently, and gets eaten. Glenn and Nicholas get to the store that Nicholas suggested they burn, but it has already been burned, so they need a Plan B and of course, Nicholas freezes AGAIN. Glenn, man….just kill this dude, he don’t even wanna live. But they continue on, while the other group get to a gate that they all have to climb, one by one, and Michonne and David are the last two. The walkers are getting closer and get their hands on the pair, while Glenn and Nicholas are trapped in an alley and they get up on a dumpster. Michonne gets away of course, but yeah….not David. Not even close. He was gon’ die anyway. These things happen.

-Nicholas is looking around at these walkers and instead of tryna figure out a way to get out of it, he shoots himself in the head in front of Glenn, who tries to catch his body….but Glenn falls over with the body and yeah……death pool win for me. I called Glenn dying this season because, here is the thing: you CAN’T be a nice guy in the zombie apocalypse. You just can’t. I mean, you can, but you won’t last. I’m surprised Glenn lasted this long, to be honest. But this could have been avoided a few ways. Glenn could have killed Nicholas like, 14 times. Why did Glenn even try to catch the body? He could have just let it drop and let them feast on Nicholas, and maybe gotten away another way. Not likely because there was a BUNCH of walkers, but it was stupid the way that he died. Anyway, I watched it once. The second time through, I had to fast-forward. Bye, Pizza Boy. You were a good dude.

-Michonne, Heath and Scott limp through the woods and as they cross a creek, Heath sees that he is covered in blood and he gets what Michonne is talking about. Yeah, dogg….it gets tres fucking real in these streets, so stop bitching about what choices you think you have the right to make. Fuck yo’ rights.

-Rick stops the RV and gets to where Glenn told him to go, but Glenn isn’t responding on the radio, and he’s like, hmmmmmm. Then he tells Daryl about the plan, but Daryl is just drivin’, bruh. I don’t even know where at this point. But Rick gets jumped in the RV by a person, which turns into two people, and after a struggle, Rick shoots them both. Then he looks outside to see that there is more….and it’s the group of Wolves that Morgan let free. Rick grabs an assault rifle and just mows everyone down, and yo…..that’s how it is done now. You kill first, and ask questions later. But nnnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooo……..mufuckas want to talk and negotiate. Fuck outta here, b.

-I think Daryl is going back to Abe and Sasha?

-Michonne and ’em get back to Alexandria, where she sees shit burned down and pulls out her sword because she knows something is up.

-Yeah, Daryl has rejoined Abe and Sasha to lead the herd away. Meanwhile, Rick tries to start the RV, but no luck. He better figure it out soon, though, because a herd comes out of the forest and starts to surround the RV.

Getting it spoiled for me was a letdown, but it was still a very good episode of The Walking Dead as the Alexandrians should all know how shit has to be now. Really, if Rick hadn’t come up with this plan, they would have been prepared even worse, and none of them would have survived. But now Rick has to get out of this jam (he will), I have no idea how far Daryl and ’em are from Alexandria, but they gotta get back. Next week’s preview was focused on Morgan, so we should be able to figure out why he’s on some peace shit now, and that episode will probably end with either Rick, or Michonne getting back to Alexandria.  But I’m waiting to see Maggie. First Herschel, then Beth, and now Glenn. She is going to be motherfucking LIVID. I want Nicholas to come back to life so she can fuck him up.

The Walking Dead is off to a wild and outstanding start this season. I doubt it’ll continue because there will be a lull at some point, but so far, so good.

 

The Walking Dead S06E02 – JSS

After a solid premiere to Season 6, The Walking Dead continues with “JSS”, and AMC really could have just done a two-part joint with this, but I guess they need to stretch shit out. This episode basically went as I expected, but better, if that makes sense. Maybe it will in about 2,000-plus words. Let’s go…..

-We open with Enid, Carl’s little crush, before the outbreak with her parents, who are trying to fix a fuse or something, but some walkers are coming. Enid tries to tell them and they’re like, oh, we’ll be a minute. Next thing you know, Enid is watching her parents as a buffet. Probably tried to ask the walkers if they had AAA or some shit. So this first scene alone explains why Enid is a little messed up. She’s walking the roads, just tryna survive out here now and she stays writing “JSS” on car windows, on the ground, everywhere. So she finds a turtle, and she devours it like the walkers did to her parents, and she uses its bones to write “JSS” again, so this gotta mean something. It’s also the name of the episode, so yeah…..it’s obvious, right? Anyway, she finds Alexandria and she wants to keep walking, but she looks at the “JSS” on her arm (maybe her hand) and is like, fuck it, can’t be worse than it is out here. She’s not wrong.

-Carol is in the pantry with a few ladies, including Mrs. Neudermeyer, who is still complaining about a damn pasta maker, which really shows you how naive this group is. Carol says she’ll show her how to make pasta herself, but she has to stop smoking in her house because it’s gross. Carol is so good, bruh. Just lookin’ around like, I could kill all of you with my bare hands, not, pasta. Then she walks past Sam, who you remember from Carol threatening to tie him up and let the walkers get at him last season, and she tells him that his dad was an asshole, he deserved to die and to suck it up. Carol isn’t here to make you feel good, kid. She might make you some cookies if you stop being a punk.

-Speaking of punks, Jessie calls Ron down for a haircut because she wants to talk to him, but he sees through her plan and blames her for Pete dying, and letting Rick do it. Jessie is like, lift your arm…..but you can’t because your father beat you and was an asshole. He storms out because he knows she’s right. I get why he is mad and all, but yo…..Moms is right. Moms is ALWAYS right. Even when she’s wrong, she is ALWAYS right.

-Maggie is with Deanna, talking about making a garden and man, Deanna looks worn down (as was pointed out to me by Holly, who you might remember from the Big Brother Canada recaps), but she has been through a lot in the last….um, I don’t even know how long it has been, but I would guess a couple weeks? The timeline on this show has always been sketchy at best. Anyway, Maggie tries to get her going and she is the perfect person for this job because she lost Herschel and Beth (even though she didn’t care about Beth until she died…but that’s cool).

-Eugene and Tara meet Denise, the new surgeon, who is tryna study up on, you know, how to be a surgeon as she went to school for psychology. Eugene says something snarky like, are you sure you can do this? Bitch, you pretended to be a scientist AND you’re a coward, which you admit to in this episode and have numerous times. Yo…….shut the fuck up.

-And speaking of shutting the fuck, Father Bitchass rolls up on Carl, who sees Enid with Ron and immediately gets salty, so he gotta fight Ron at some point for a buncha different reasons. Father Bitchass wants Carl to teach him how to fight, basically, and he knows Carl is skeptical because he tried to snitch on the group. Carl is only half paying attention to him because he is focused on Enid and Ron and like, fine, bitch, I’ll teach you how to use this machete later, come by the crib. Shoutout to Holly, who texted me that Carl looked like a member of Fall Out Boy. Yo, Jessie cuts hair, Rick….use that mop to get back in her good graces. Not even good graces, she ain’t even mad you killed Pete.

-Carol is looking out the window at Mrs. Neudermeyer, who is smoking outside like Carol suggested, but out of nowhere, a dude with a machete slashes the shit outta her and Killa Carol springs into action. Them Wolves here!!!!!!

-Maggie and Deanna see a couple of the Wolves scaling the wall and Maggie also jumps into action because she is ’bout that life, while Deanna is not and is looking stunned. Carol goes to her house to tell Carl, who already has an assault rifle out, to stay and protect Judith. Jessie is getting begged by Sam not to go out and look for Ron because really, fuck Ron, but she hears something downstairs and the two of them go into a closet and latch it from the inside. Oh, and she has a gun now.

-Enid goes into Carl like there isn’t a damn riot going on outside, and she wants to say goodbye, but Carl won’t let her leave. So they sit back to back in the kitchen and Carl is on that “kill ’em all” shit. Then he says to Enid, don’t say goodbye and she’s like, I won’t, which means she’s just pretty peacin’ out. He asked for it.

-A few things are happening at once. The Wolves are just crushing the Alexandrians, slaughtering everyone. Carol is runnin’ through the place and she stabs one of them in the back and head, but has to kill Erin (apparently, not important) to keep her quiet, but she has been slashed in the stomach. Spencer is up in the sniper tower, being a terrible shot, and an 18-wheeler rams into the wall. This causes the horn to blow, which is what we heard at the end of “First Time Again“. The door to the tower has also been blocked and he can’t get out, so shit ain’t lookin’ good for the dude.

-Some Holly girl gets brought into the makeshift surgery room, which means it’s go time for Denise, while Tara watches out for shit. Spencer gets out of the tower and makes it to the truck, where a walker is blocking the horn. He freezes and Morgan has to come from behind with the bow staff. Morgan asks Spencer if he’s comin’, and Spencer can’t even respond, so Morgan is like, hide. Then Morgan runs up on some big-ass Wolf, and they get ready to fight, but Killa Carol comes from behind, dressed like one of the Wolves and stabs dude in the sternum. Morgan tells Carol that he coulda stopped the Wolf without killing him, but Carol ain’t got time for that shit, and like, of course we do. And she says that the Wolves don’t have guns, but the fact that they’re comin’ in on some butcher shit, Morgan, seriously, bruh, there is no time for playin’ Kumbaya.

-Maggie and Deanna meet Spencer at the truck, and Deanna reasons that she shouldn’t go inside, she doesn’t have a gun and she doesn’t know how to fight….all fair and true points. But Spencer isn’t going anywhere, so she leaves Deanna with her son because like Deanna says, she’s just be another person that needed saving and Maggie is like, you ain’t lyin’. Meanwhile, Denise, who had said she had panic attacks in university, starts to have one and Tara tries to talk her down into saving Holly. She does, but it probably still don’t end well.

-Ron is being chased by a Wolf and Carl steps in, eventually shooting the Wolf and he tries to get the kid in the house, but Ron sees Enid there and refuses to go in. Good. Fuck ’em then. Carl tried to be a nice guy, but pride is a mufucka. He gets to his house and Jessie hears him, and runs down into a female Wolf. They fight, Jessie somehow wins and starts going to town on the Wolf, with a few unnecessary stabs that I approve of. But Ron sees her and things get weird because he doesn’t get how real this is yet. That’s twice now in like, five minutes that dude needed saving.

-Morgan has to save Father Bitchass from a Wolf while Carol goes to the armory to load up with these guns. She finds Olivia, terrified, grabs some guns, teaches Olivia briefly how to shoot a gun and tells her to shoot anyone that comes in the room. Oh, nothing good is gon’ come outta this.

-Morgan and Father Bitchass are tying up a Wolf, and things are going good and BAM, Carol walks up and shoots dude in the head and starts handin’ out guns like BITCH WE GOIN’ TO WAR. Morgan looks at her like, you are fuckin’ CRAZY. He gives his gun to Gabriel (who now has two guns), who will end up a sniper, I bet just to make me mad, while Carol grabs Maggie and is like, we got these guns. Damn, I love Carol. I never thought she would be my favorite character.

-Rosita and Aaron kill some Wolves to let you know they’re still alive, while Morgan ends up in the middle of a group of Wolves, led by the one that he let live when he made his return in Season 5. After kickin’ all of their asses, Morgan talks to that dude and the Wolves leave, but one of them takes a gun. Carol has a moment of over the body of Mrs. Neudermeyer, which is fair….Carol has done a lot of killing today, she deserves to have a small breakdown before getting on with the show. Aaron is walking down the street and after killing a Wolf, he finds his bag, which he left back when he and Daryl escaped the Wolves at the end of last season. They found the place because of Aaron’s pictures, so he’ll feel guilty about that now. Holly dies on the table, but it was all about Denise getting over her nerves, so she’ll do better next time. Tara does remind her to destroy Holly’s brain so it doesn’t reanimate, so Denise is gettin’ a crash course in this shit.

-Maggie and Deanna roll up on a burnt walker and Maggie stabs it in the head, and turns to Deanna like, no big deal, we’re good. Deanna is like, nah, but to Maggie, she knows this is just what you have to do to survive in the world of The Walking Dead. Sometimes, mufuckas gotta be killed. Just the way it goes.

-Carl finds a goodbye note from Enid, and we learn that “JSS” means “Just Survive Somehow”. That’s some basic shit. But she’s gone, so I guess that is that. That was abrupt. Carl and Ron still gotta fight, tho.

-Morgan has another fight scene and yo, Lennie James is puttin’ serious work in this episode, just brawlin’ with everyone, and he finds the other Wolf he let live in a house. They fight before they figure out who the other is, and Morgan beats him to a pulp, but doesn’t kill him, I don’t think. At the end of the episode, Morgan and Carol pass each other down the street, neither saying a word. Who knew that Morgan and Carol would end up being a thing this season? I guess, Carol is on the “kill ’em all” train in the Ricktatorship, shoot, she was the first to get it poppin’ when she killed Karen and the other dude at the prison, which set Tyrese off. So now, Carol will wait for Rick to get back and be like, yo, we might gotta take care of Morgan.

So that will be next week’s episode of The Walking Dead, Rick and ’em tryna get back to Alexandria, and I think they’re a good distance away, so they’ll have to kill their way through like, thousands of zombies to beat ’em there. That should be good. Big thumbs up to “JSS”. Got to see Enid’s backstory, but now she’s gone, apparently. Carol and Morgan were beasts, although I could have sworn that Morgan was with Rick and Michonne, how did he get back so quickly? A lot of killing without barely any walkers, so they’ll make up for that next week. Good stuff by director Jessica Lynch, who directed “Spend” from last season, the episode where Noah died. She’s great with action sequences, so hopefully we’ll see more of her this season on The Walking Dead.

The Walking Dead S06E01 – First Time Again

The Walking Dead returned for its sixth season on Sunday night with “First Time Again”, and the prevailing feeling I have about it as I write is that as much as I liked Fear The Walking Dead, and it was all fine and good, I’ll take the original, please and thank you. Not that I’m surprised, but this episode is why we’ve all continued to watch it, right? Let’s go………

-We open up at a rocky quarry and it’s funny, because I was talking to someone and was like, I wonder if we’ll see many zombies tonight? I wouldn’t have been surprised in the slightest if there was none in the episode. After a quick shot going back to when Rick killed Pete, in the quarry in present time, you have Rick standing in front of ALL OF THE ZOMBIES. Like, hundreds or thousands of them. Off in the distance, a truck that was keeping the herd at bay collapses into the quarry and Rick yells, “WE HAVE TO DO THIS NOW”, and some bitch-ass dude named Carter who we’ve never seen before tries to plead with Rick, saying that they’re not ready. Here is the thing: it doesn’t matter if you’re ready. Whatever plan they’re tryna put into place, the fact is, the walkers are coming, so you better get your ass ready. Rick says as much and this Carter dude is gon’ be a problem. We never saw him in Season 5, but he helped Reg (Deanna’s late husband) build the wall. The wall that might have been backwards, but that is neither here nor there, I guess.

-While this is going on, Glenn is with Nicholas, the dude that tried to kill him multiple times last season, but Glenn let him live, and that’s why Glenn will eventually die. Nicholas is apparently on board with everything Glenn says, but I don’t believe him and I don’t think Glenn does, either.

-Also, it’s good to see AMC sinking more money into TWD. The walkers look better, the shot of the thousands of walkers from the top of the quarry was awesome…..good for them. All their other shows are about to eat, too. To use a sports analogy, TWD is the football program at, say, the University of Georgia. It brings in all of the money, and then their little swimming and tennis programs get to survive. I could go deeper into this, but y’all don’t care.

-This episode goes back and forth between the present and the past, and the past is in black and white, so in this flashback, we have Gabriel (FATHER BITCHASS BACK) walking up on Deanna, who is sitting in a pool of what we can assume is Reg’s blood after Pete killed him. Deanna says to Gabriel that he was wrong, probably for being a snitch-ass mufucka. You know what? We’re going back to Father Bitchass. He doesn’t deserve his name to be spoken. He’d still be on that rock if it wasn’t for Rick and ’em.

-Abe is carrying a body that we know is Reg’s as they show his wedding ring, and Abe is on the booze with 2Pac’s “Pour Out A Little Liquor” as his soundtrack, pouring his booze on the body. Jessie, ol’ girl that Rick was tryna get it poppin’ with before he killed her abusive husband, is tryna comfort her sons and the oldest, Ron, is being an asshole because like father, like son. Rosita and Tara are in a makeshift hospital, I guess, and I had to look it up because I forgot what happened to Tara. She got hurt during a supply run. I honestly do not remember this happening. Glenn and Nicholas come in, too, so this must be shortly after Glenn didn’t kill him. Eugene comes in too, and Tara says something about his hair. Eugene might be bringing mullets back. I’m scared.

-Carl sits down next to the little girl he was chasing last season, Enid, and I didn’t catch this on the first watch, but in the background, you see Ron in the background, being a hater. I bet he was tryna holla at Enid before Carl came along, and then Rick killed his father? Yeah, Ron ’bout to be a problem for the Grimes family.

-Rick, Morgan and Daryl, still in the past, are in a house and Morgan tells Rick that he was right, it wasn’t over, so I’m assuming that goes back a couple seasons to when they last saw each other. Rick then tells Morgan that he doesn’t take chances anymore before it cuts to Abe, drinking again, and he has Reg’s wedding ring. Shouldn’t he give that to Deanna? Then he flashes a peace sign at Sasha, who finally relents and gives him one back, but she’s lookin’ at him like, this mufucka drunk AGAIN. Abe tryna get it poppin’, tho. I ain’t mad at him. Rosita might be, tho.

-In the past, Abe and Sasha are driving down a road, while a buncha people are also running and Rick is relaying the plan via radio to everyone that was one. So the plan is to try and lead the herd away from Alexandria as far as possible, I guess. Rick tells them to keep their heads….I have written down, “one of the new people ’bout to die”. Keep that in mind.

-Daryl is on his bike in the present and it flashes back to the past, where Rick and Daryl are talking about what happened with Daryl and Aaron with the trucks and the walker with the “W” on her forehead. Daryl seems to be a little skeptical of Rick’s takeover plan, but he’ll stay down for the cause….I think.

-In the present, Sasha and Abe get to a checkpoint and Rick says, here comes a parade. Back to the past, Rick walks into a house where they have Morgan locked up on some Akon shit, and that must be what Rick meant when he said he didn’t take chances anymore. He might have been right because Morgan is gettin’ his Donatello on with his bow staff. Remember, Morgan just met back up with Rick again as he was killing Pete, so Morgan is a little wary of the new Rick. I’ve been saying that the first half of Season 6 is gon’ be Rick vs. Morgan.

-Eugene is at the gate patrolling when a car rolls up, and two dudes and a girl get out of the car. Eugene lets them in after some small-talk, and he says something to one of the brothas, Heath, who has braids, that he respects his hair game. Heath looks at him like, this mufucka tho? That face was good.

-Rick and Morgan walk up to find Father Bitchass and Tobin tryna bury Pete’s body, and Rick isn’t havin’ it. Then Deanna walks up and was like, nah, get his ass outside the safe zone, and all the while, Ron is watching as well. He gotta go. In the present, Rick, Morgan and Michonne get to their checkpoint, and Morgan starts grillin’ Michonne about a missing protein bar. Morgan better watch out.

-Oh, can we get someone with nunchuks and a pair of sais to complete the Ninja Turtle set? Come on, why not? WE NEED THESE JOKES.

-Rick and Morgan are burying Pete and Ron has followed them, but they don’t know that. Rick just wants to bury him, but Morgan says that isn’t who Rick is. Since they last saw each other, Rick has lost his wife and seen the Governor….shit done changed, bruh. That is when Rick hears something and they discover the quarry full of walkers and really, if it wasn’t for a couple of 18-wheelers, the herd would have been at Alexandria already. Then they hear Ron running through the woods, being chased by walkers, and they save his dumb ass, but he’s still tryna be a smart ass with Rick, who shoulda dropkicked his ass in the quarry. I guess, he’s still hurt about Rick killing his father, but your father was an asshole. Be there for your moms and stop being a bitch. Also, in the next scene, he looks at Rick like he’s gon’ do something. Man, sit your ass down somewhere. Anyway, he ends up burying Pete, who didn’t deserve a burial.

-In the present, Daryl is the pied piper of the walkers, leading the giant herd down the road, where he meets up with Abe and Sasha. Again, good use of money, AMC. Glenn, Nicholas and Heath are at a store, coming up with a plan and Glenn has the best line of the episode as Heath is like, “this was supposed to be a dress rehearsal”, of the plan that Rick came up with. Glenn looks at him like, “I was supposed to be delivering pizzas, man”. The Alexandria people are basically everyone in Fear The Walking Dead in that they’re not ready for this, but Glenn knows that you don’t get a choice in whether you’re ready for it or not. You gotta be ready, or you die. It’s really that simple. That’s why a buncha Alexandria people are probably gon’ die, and they’ll probably take Glenn with ’em because he’s too good for this show.

-In the past, they’re having a town-hall meeting where Rick tells them about the quarry herd and how they’re gon’ put this plan into action. Carter is fighting it because basically, he’s scared. We also see Killa Carol for the first time, and I’m psyched about it. Carter says they can do this without confronting the walkers, and Good Lord, I hate him I hate him I hate him. The actor just has this worried look on his face the entire time.

-Daryl, Abe and Sasha lead the herd to Rick, Morgan and Michonne, who are behind a wall, and that’s the plan: use noise to get the herd to follow them as far away as possible. In the past, they’re going over the blueprints for the plan and Carter is still tryna say it won’t work, but Deanna basically says, you’re either in or out, take your pick, and like the punk he is, he agrees to get in. I don’t even know why they need him. Your first round of walls were trash. Second time is a charm, I guess.

-In the past, they’re constructing said walls, Daryl is still being skeptical and Carol walks up to Rick with a glass of something. Carol is Rick’s liasion with the people of Alexandria, and she says that everyone thinks Deanna is in charge, but really, it’s Rick. Morgan introduces himself to Carol and says that she’s all watching and ready to handle shit….oh, he’ll learn about that soon enough.

-Glenn, Nicholas and Heath are getting ready to put their plan into action, and then back in the past, Maggie tells Tara about what Nicholas did to Glenn. Tara is ready to let the choppa sing, but Maggie says some shit about them being on opposite sides when Herschel was killed, but now they’re cool. Glenn’s threesome is still in play, even though he keeps tryna not make it happen. You ain’t got much time left, dogg.

-Glenn and his crew start takin’ out the walkers, and Nicholas almost gets himself killed because Glenn doesn’t trust him to do anything, but he steps up to help and Glenn lets him kill the last one. I still don’t trust this mufucka.

-Abe and Sasha are driving along, Abe notices something in the woods and jumps out of the car, and really, their whole interaction isn’t important except for one part. Abe asks Sasha if she took this part of the mission because she wants to die, because last time we saw her, she was on a suicide mission. But she seems to be okay now, and I think it’s Abe that wants to die. Abe might have jumped Glenn in my “Death List” power rankings, which is currently Abe, Glenn, Rosita, Carol and Morgan.

-In the past, Rick gives his condolences to Deanna and says she made the right call to let him kill Pete, when two walkers roll up behind Carter, and yo, there is like, maybe four or five walkers at most by the end of it, while Carter has like seven people. All them bitches freeze, yo, and Rick and ’em gotta clean it up because Carter is a punk. HOLY SHIT. PLEASE KILL THIS DUDE.

-I watched this commercial for Fear The Walking Dead: Flight 462. This might be getting a bit much. AMC might mess around and turn into 47 versions of The Walking Dead.

-In the past, Eugene is getting supplies when he overhears Carter in the other room, plotting to kill Rick, but Tobin and ’em are like, nah. Poor Eugene can’t get out of his own way and drops a jar, and Carter hears him and puts a gun on him, but we all know he won’t do it. Mufucka can’t kill a walker, and he’s gon’ kill a real person? Fuck outta here. Anyway, Rick, Morgan and Daryl walk up and Rick is like, the fuck is goin’ on? He takes the gun from Carter as easily as you’d like, puts it on him and is like, y’all want war with the gawd of these here streets? Carter surely pissed himself. Daryl and Morgan are in the background like, good grief, and Daryl tells Rick to calm down. Rick is like, cool, gives him the gun, and he really should have at least punched Carter in the face.

-Back in the present, the plan is going swimmingly and Carter finally acknowledges that Rick was right and shakes his hand, and I immediately perk up because I’m like, this mufucka ’bout to DIE. He even goes off by himself ahead of the pack, where he gets grabbed by a walker who bites him square in the face, and I might have cheered. Of course, Rick kills the walker, but Carter won’t shut the fuck up, which is drawing the herd away from the road and ruining the plan, so Rick kills him and Morgan be frownin’ like shit, Michonne too. But yo, Carter was bitten, he had to go. There was really nothing else Rick could do. He woulda turned anyway.

-In the middle of this, we flash back to Rick, who is holding Judith, and he lets Morgan get his shit and bring it over to the house. They have a moment about knowing each other, and they do, but they don’t. Rick tells Morgan that he wanted to kill Carter because he’s weak and people like that can’t survive out here in these streets, and he’s completely right. Of course, that’s what makes Morgan frown at him when he eventually kills Carter, but HE GOT BIT IN THE FACE, BRUH. Mufuckas still ain’t learned. Morgan and Michonne look like they’re plottin’ too. During the speech to Morgan, I was lookin’ at Andrew Lincoln like, he might be a better actor than I give him credit for, or maybe it’s just that he is the perfect role for him.

-Rick gets supplies from Jessie and tries to talk to her, but she’s not really in the mood, even though she knows Rick was right in what he did. She also tells him that Ron ain’t tryna hear what he is saying because he’s the man that killed his father. This just came to me: I wonder if Ron tries to go after Carl to get back at Rick? He wouldn’t go after Judith because I think for all the shit we see on this show, they won’t kill Judith. Jessie also says she is now learning how to shoot a gun, which can’t end well.

-Finally, the herd is going along and the plan is for Abe, Sasha and Daryl to lead them about 20 more miles down the road. Then they hear a loud horn, which of course, perks up the walkers and they realize that it’s coming from towards Alexandria. My first thought? DEM WOLVES ARE HERE. We know they have loudspeakers because that is how they attract the walkers back into the containers where Daryl and Aaron were. And I bet they were watching the place the entire time, waiting until Rick and ’em weren’t there, and they rolled up on Alexandria, took that shit hostage (because who is gon’ stop ’em? Killa Carol and Maggie are the only real ones left back there) and are leading the herd back to the spot.

That was an excellent start to Season 6 of The Walking Dead. It set up the first half of the season personally, the Rick/Morgan situation, the Glenn/Nicholas situation, Carter died brutally, Ron is about to be a little bitch and the potential for the Wolves to step in and be like, y’all need to worry about us now. At this point, six seasons in, The Walking Dead is what it is. Like the Ricktatorship, either get down or lay down.