Tag Archives: Abe

The Walking Dead S06E03 – Thank You

Only three episodes into the sixth season of The Walking Dead, there are a lot of moving parts, and a lot of things can happen. “Thank You” is a huge game-changer and it’s going to be interesting how things go moving forward. See how I did that without being a spoiler? It’s not that fucking hard. Let’s go………

-We open with Rick, Glenn, Michonne and the rest of the crew heading back to Alexandria after hearing that horn from the end of “First Time Again“, and of course, we saw what caused the horn to sound off in “JSS“. Rick is in Ricktatorship mode, telling Daryl, Sasha and Abe to continue leading their portion of the walker herd away, while he tells Glenn and Michoone that he is going to grab the RV to redirect the rest of the herd the other way. He also tells Michonne that all of the Alexandrians aren’t gon’ make it and to keep going if anyone can’t keep up, and of course, Heath, homeboy with the braids, overhears. And guess what? Rick is right. These first three episodes have been a study in the Alexandrians not getting it. But more on that later.

-And on cue, one of the Alexandrians gets grabbed by a walker and dies, and after killing the walker, Michonne stabs the guy in the head with her sword. Rick pats him down, grabs an energy bar and his gun and goes on his way, while the rest of the Alexandrians are stunned as shit. A couple things here: good on Rick, not wasting supplies. Two, these walkers aren’t smart or fast…..how in the hell are Alexandrians getting caught up like that? These mufuckas are children. Actually, I won’t even diss children like that. The horn stopped, though, so that is encouraging.

-The group rolls on before encountering more walkers, and really, Glenn and Michonne could have just hung back and handled it. But naaaaaaaaaaaah, the¬†Alexandrians wanna get involved, one of them pulls a gun out and is shook, and ends up shooting one of his people in the leg. Nicholas freezes because he is a well-known fuckboy, and another one, David is his name, apparently, gets bitten on the shoulder. Oh, and Glenn has to carry this girl who was running and twisted her ankle. These mufuckas, bruh. I’m not saying I would be Rambo in the zombie apocalypse, but holy shit, come on, dogg. At least give yourself a chance.

-Daryl tells Abe and Sasha that he is going back to help with Alexandria and while they try to tell him to stick with the plan, Daryl doesn’t give a damn and leaves anyway. Daryl has been kinda on the fence since they got to Alexandria and really, I thought he’d just drive off by himself, away from everyone. He hasn’t been the same since Beth died. Shoot, he has probably taken it harder than Maggie. I keep saying I’ma let that slide, but I’m really not gonna.

-The group continues to walk, and David looks at his shoulder, and Michonne is like, we need to kill this mufucka SOON. He wants to see his wife one last time, but it doesn’t look promising. They get to a town and they figure out that it’s the place where Nicholas and Aiden made the run that got their people killed, so at least they know their way around. They want to stop and find some treatment for Scott’s gunshot wound, and Glenn is skeptical of stopping, but Michonne figures that they have a little time ahead of the herd. Nah, bruh. You should keep going. But Michonne is deadly with her sword, so you listen to her.

-As they’re going through the town, they run into the kid that shot Scott and ran off and well, he’s walker food now, so fuck him. Nicholas freezes again and Glenn has to make him snap out of it, and then they run into more walkers, so they run into a pet store to get away. Glenn’s plan is to get to a building and set it on fire to distract the herd, and Nicholas knows just the place. Meanwhile, Heath makes a couple smart remarks and Michonne looks at him like, the fuck did you say? She also offers to go because Glenn has Maggie, but he says that is why he is doing it. Oh Lawd.

-Glenn radios his plan to Rick, who is sprinting down the road and man, his stamina is incredible. He then runs into three walkers, who stop eating and while Glenn is telling him the plan, Rick kills all of them. But he looks at his hand like he has arthritis or something, and I vaguely remember something about his hand bothering him from the past.

-Annie and Scott basically tell the rest of the group to leave them behind, but Heath isn’t having it and gives Michonne a dirty look and oooooooooh, buddy….you don’t wanna do this. Michonne runs up on him like Ice Cube in Boyz N The Hood on some “WE GOT A PROBLEM, HERE” shit and Heath tells her that he overheard what Rick said. Michonne basically tells him that he has no idea what it’s like outchea in these streets, and his little supply runs don’t mean shit. Rick has been out here surviving, she has been out here surviving, and that Heath has never been covered in so much blood, you don’t know if it’s yours, the walkers and your friends. Basically, you don’t have a choice how you get to live this life anymore. You do what you gotta do or you die…..Glenn told him that in the first episode. Heath gotta die, bruh. I DARE him to go at Michonne; she would light his ass up.

-Glenn and Nicholas are wandering around, and they come across a walker that Nicholas recognizes as someone from his ill-fated run with Aiden, and it takes him a while, but he manages to suck it up and kill it. Then they hear gunshots coming from Alexandria, so yo, they gotta be close.

-The group is in the pet store, tryna figure out a way to get out while Rick gets to the RV. In the pet store, David is writing a goodbye note to his wife, but Michonne won’t take it as she writes on her hand that he is getting home. They’re tryna be quiet because quite a herd of walkers are walking past the store, and then, a couple of walkers that are inside the store start banging on a door, so they have to kill them. However, the walkers outside hear the noise and they start coming, so they have to get out NOW.

-So they rush out of the pet store and start to run away, but Annie falls, as she is prone to do apparently, and gets eaten. Glenn and Nicholas get to the store that Nicholas suggested they burn, but it has already been burned, so they need a Plan B and of course, Nicholas freezes AGAIN. Glenn, man….just kill this dude, he don’t even wanna live. But they continue on, while the other group get to a gate that they all have to climb, one by one, and Michonne and David are the last two. The walkers are getting closer and get their hands on the pair, while Glenn and Nicholas are trapped in an alley and they get up on a dumpster. Michonne gets away of course, but yeah….not David. Not even close. He was gon’ die anyway. These things happen.

-Nicholas is looking around at these walkers and instead of tryna figure out a way to get out of it, he shoots himself in the head in front of Glenn, who tries to catch his body….but Glenn falls over with the body and yeah……death pool win for me. I called Glenn dying this season because, here is the thing: you CAN’T be a nice guy in the zombie apocalypse. You just can’t. I mean, you can, but you won’t last. I’m surprised Glenn lasted this long, to be honest. But this could have been avoided a few ways. Glenn could have killed Nicholas like, 14 times. Why did Glenn even try to catch the body? He could have just let it drop and let them feast on Nicholas, and maybe gotten away another way. Not likely because there was a BUNCH of walkers, but it was stupid the way that he died. Anyway, I watched it once. The second time through, I had to fast-forward. Bye, Pizza Boy. You were a good dude.

-Michonne, Heath and Scott limp through the woods and as they cross a creek, Heath sees that he is covered in blood and he gets what Michonne is talking about. Yeah, dogg….it gets tres fucking real in these streets, so stop bitching about what choices you think you have the right to make. Fuck yo’ rights.

-Rick stops the RV and gets to where Glenn told him to go, but Glenn isn’t responding on the radio, and he’s like, hmmmmmm. Then he tells Daryl about the plan, but Daryl is just drivin’, bruh. I don’t even know where at this point. But Rick gets jumped in the RV by a person, which turns into two people, and after a struggle, Rick shoots them both. Then he looks outside to see that there is more….and it’s the group of Wolves that Morgan let free. Rick grabs an assault rifle and just mows everyone down, and yo…..that’s how it is done now. You kill first, and ask questions later. But nnnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooo……..mufuckas want to talk and negotiate. Fuck outta here, b.

-I think Daryl is going back to Abe and Sasha?

-Michonne and ’em get back to Alexandria, where she sees shit burned down and pulls out her sword because she knows something is up.

-Yeah, Daryl has rejoined Abe and Sasha to lead the herd away. Meanwhile, Rick tries to start the RV, but no luck. He better figure it out soon, though, because a herd comes out of the forest and starts to surround the RV.

Getting it spoiled for me was a letdown, but it was still a very good episode of The Walking Dead as the Alexandrians should all know how shit has to be now. Really, if Rick hadn’t come up with this plan, they would have been prepared even worse, and none of them would have survived. But now Rick has to get out of this jam (he will), I have no idea how far Daryl and ’em are from Alexandria, but they gotta get back. Next week’s preview was focused on Morgan, so we should be able to figure out why he’s on some peace shit now, and that episode will probably end with either Rick, or Michonne getting back to Alexandria. ¬†But I’m waiting to see Maggie. First Herschel, then Beth, and now Glenn. She is going to be motherfucking LIVID. I want Nicholas to come back to life so she can fuck him up.

The Walking Dead is off to a wild and outstanding start this season. I doubt it’ll continue because there will be a lull at some point, but so far, so good.

 

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The Walking Dead S06E01 – First Time Again

The Walking Dead returned for its sixth season on Sunday night with “First Time Again”, and the prevailing feeling I have about it as I write is that as much as I liked Fear The Walking Dead, and it was all fine and good, I’ll take the original, please and thank you. Not that I’m surprised, but this episode is why we’ve all continued to watch it, right? Let’s go………

-We open up at a rocky quarry and it’s funny, because I was talking to someone and was like, I wonder if we’ll see many zombies tonight? I wouldn’t have been surprised in the slightest if there was none in the episode. After a quick shot going back to when Rick killed Pete, in the quarry in present time, you have Rick standing in front of ALL OF THE ZOMBIES. Like, hundreds or thousands of them. Off in the distance, a truck that was keeping the herd at bay collapses into the quarry and Rick yells, “WE HAVE TO DO THIS NOW”, and some bitch-ass dude named Carter who we’ve never seen before tries to plead with Rick, saying that they’re not ready. Here is the thing: it doesn’t matter if you’re ready. Whatever plan they’re tryna put into place, the fact is, the walkers are coming, so you better get your ass ready. Rick says as much and this Carter dude is gon’ be a problem. We never saw him in Season 5, but he helped Reg (Deanna’s late husband) build the wall. The wall that might have been backwards, but that is neither here nor there, I guess.

-While this is going on, Glenn is with Nicholas, the dude that tried to kill him multiple times last season, but Glenn let him live, and that’s why Glenn will eventually die. Nicholas is apparently on board with everything Glenn says, but I don’t believe him and I don’t think Glenn does, either.

-Also, it’s good to see AMC sinking more money into TWD. The walkers look better, the shot of the thousands of walkers from the top of the quarry was awesome…..good for them. All their other shows are about to eat, too. To use a sports analogy, TWD is the football program at, say, the University of Georgia. It brings in all of the money, and then their little swimming and tennis programs get to survive. I could go deeper into this, but y’all don’t care.

-This episode goes back and forth between the present and the past, and the past is in black and white, so in this flashback, we have Gabriel (FATHER BITCHASS BACK) walking up on Deanna, who is sitting in a pool of what we can assume is Reg’s blood after Pete killed him. Deanna says to Gabriel that he was wrong, probably for being a snitch-ass mufucka. You know what? We’re going back to Father Bitchass. He doesn’t deserve his name to be spoken. He’d still be on that rock if it wasn’t for Rick and ’em.

-Abe is carrying a body that we know is Reg’s as they show his wedding ring, and Abe is on the booze with 2Pac’s “Pour Out A Little Liquor” as his soundtrack, pouring his booze on the body. Jessie, ol’ girl that Rick was tryna get it poppin’ with before he killed her abusive husband, is tryna comfort her sons and the oldest, Ron, is being an asshole because like father, like son. Rosita and Tara are in a makeshift hospital, I guess, and I had to look it up because I forgot what happened to Tara. She got hurt during a supply run. I honestly do not remember this happening. Glenn and Nicholas come in, too, so this must be shortly after Glenn didn’t kill him. Eugene comes in too, and Tara says something about his hair. Eugene might be bringing mullets back. I’m scared.

-Carl sits down next to the little girl he was chasing last season, Enid, and I didn’t catch this on the first watch, but in the background, you see Ron in the background, being a hater. I bet he was tryna holla at Enid before Carl came along, and then Rick killed his father? Yeah, Ron ’bout to be a problem for the Grimes family.

-Rick, Morgan and Daryl, still in the past, are in a house and Morgan tells Rick that he was right, it wasn’t over, so I’m assuming that goes back a couple seasons to when they last saw each other. Rick then tells Morgan that he doesn’t take chances anymore before it cuts to Abe, drinking again, and he has Reg’s wedding ring. Shouldn’t he give that to Deanna? Then he flashes a peace sign at Sasha, who finally relents and gives him one back, but she’s lookin’ at him like, this mufucka drunk AGAIN. Abe tryna get it poppin’, tho. I ain’t mad at him. Rosita might be, tho.

-In the past, Abe and Sasha are driving down a road, while a buncha people are also running and Rick is relaying the plan via radio to everyone that was one. So the plan is to try and lead the herd away from Alexandria as far as possible, I guess. Rick tells them to keep their heads….I have written down, “one of the new people ’bout to die”. Keep that in mind.

-Daryl is on his bike in the present and it flashes back to the past, where Rick and Daryl are talking about what happened with Daryl and Aaron with the trucks and the walker with the “W” on her forehead. Daryl seems to be a little skeptical of Rick’s takeover plan, but he’ll stay down for the cause….I think.

-In the present, Sasha and Abe get to a checkpoint and Rick says, here comes a parade. Back to the past, Rick walks into a house where they have Morgan locked up on some Akon shit, and that must be what Rick meant when he said he didn’t take chances anymore. He might have been right because Morgan is gettin’ his Donatello on with his bow staff. Remember, Morgan just met back up with Rick again as he was killing Pete, so Morgan is a little wary of the new Rick. I’ve been saying that the first half of Season 6 is gon’ be Rick vs. Morgan.

-Eugene is at the gate patrolling when a car rolls up, and two dudes and a girl get out of the car. Eugene lets them in after some small-talk, and he says something to one of the brothas, Heath, who has braids, that he respects his hair game. Heath looks at him like, this mufucka tho? That face was good.

-Rick and Morgan walk up to find Father Bitchass and Tobin tryna bury Pete’s body, and Rick isn’t havin’ it. Then Deanna walks up and was like, nah, get his ass outside the safe zone, and all the while, Ron is watching as well. He gotta go. In the present, Rick, Morgan and Michonne get to their checkpoint, and Morgan starts grillin’ Michonne about a missing protein bar. Morgan better watch out.

-Oh, can we get someone with nunchuks and a pair of sais to complete the Ninja Turtle set? Come on, why not? WE NEED THESE JOKES.

-Rick and Morgan are burying Pete and Ron has followed them, but they don’t know that. Rick just wants to bury him, but Morgan says that isn’t who Rick is. Since they last saw each other, Rick has lost his wife and seen the Governor….shit done changed, bruh. That is when Rick hears something and they discover the quarry full of walkers and really, if it wasn’t for a couple of 18-wheelers, the herd would have been at Alexandria already. Then they hear Ron running through the woods, being chased by walkers, and they save his dumb ass, but he’s still tryna be a smart ass with Rick, who shoulda dropkicked his ass in the quarry. I guess, he’s still hurt about Rick killing his father, but your father was an asshole. Be there for your moms and stop being a bitch. Also, in the next scene, he looks at Rick like he’s gon’ do something. Man, sit your ass down somewhere. Anyway, he ends up burying Pete, who didn’t deserve a burial.

-In the present, Daryl is the pied piper of the walkers, leading the giant herd down the road, where he meets up with Abe and Sasha. Again, good use of money, AMC. Glenn, Nicholas and Heath are at a store, coming up with a plan and Glenn has the best line of the episode as Heath is like, “this was supposed to be a dress rehearsal”, of the plan that Rick came up with. Glenn looks at him like, “I was supposed to be delivering pizzas, man”. The Alexandria people are basically everyone in Fear The Walking Dead in that they’re not ready for this, but Glenn knows that you don’t get a choice in whether you’re ready for it or not. You gotta be ready, or you die. It’s really that simple. That’s why a buncha Alexandria people are probably gon’ die, and they’ll probably take Glenn with ’em because he’s too good for this show.

-In the past, they’re having a town-hall meeting where Rick tells them about the quarry herd and how they’re gon’ put this plan into action. Carter is fighting it because basically, he’s scared. We also see Killa Carol for the first time, and I’m psyched about it. Carter says they can do this without confronting the walkers, and Good Lord, I hate him I hate him I hate him. The actor just has this worried look on his face the entire time.

-Daryl, Abe and Sasha lead the herd to Rick, Morgan and Michonne, who are behind a wall, and that’s the plan: use noise to get the herd to follow them as far away as possible. In the past, they’re going over the blueprints for the plan and Carter is still tryna say it won’t work, but Deanna basically says, you’re either in or out, take your pick, and like the punk he is, he agrees to get in. I don’t even know why they need him. Your first round of walls were trash. Second time is a charm, I guess.

-In the past, they’re constructing said walls, Daryl is still being skeptical and Carol walks up to Rick with a glass of something. Carol is Rick’s liasion with the people of Alexandria, and she says that everyone thinks Deanna is in charge, but really, it’s Rick. Morgan introduces himself to Carol and says that she’s all watching and ready to handle shit….oh, he’ll learn about that soon enough.

-Glenn, Nicholas and Heath are getting ready to put their plan into action, and then back in the past, Maggie tells Tara about what Nicholas did to Glenn. Tara is ready to let the choppa sing, but Maggie says some shit about them being on opposite sides when Herschel was killed, but now they’re cool. Glenn’s threesome is still in play, even though he keeps tryna not make it happen. You ain’t got much time left, dogg.

-Glenn and his crew start takin’ out the walkers, and Nicholas almost gets himself killed because Glenn doesn’t trust him to do anything, but he steps up to help and Glenn lets him kill the last one. I still don’t trust this mufucka.

-Abe and Sasha are driving along, Abe notices something in the woods and jumps out of the car, and really, their whole interaction isn’t important except for one part. Abe asks Sasha if she took this part of the mission because she wants to die, because last time we saw her, she was on a suicide mission. But she seems to be okay now, and I think it’s Abe that wants to die. Abe might have jumped Glenn in my “Death List” power rankings, which is currently Abe, Glenn, Rosita, Carol and Morgan.

-In the past, Rick gives his condolences to Deanna and says she made the right call to let him kill Pete, when two walkers roll up behind Carter, and yo, there is like, maybe four or five walkers at most by the end of it, while Carter has like seven people. All them bitches freeze, yo, and Rick and ’em gotta clean it up because Carter is a punk. HOLY SHIT. PLEASE KILL THIS DUDE.

-I watched this commercial for Fear The Walking Dead: Flight 462. This might be getting a bit much. AMC might mess around and turn into 47 versions of The Walking Dead.

-In the past, Eugene is getting supplies when he overhears Carter in the other room, plotting to kill Rick, but Tobin and ’em are like, nah. Poor Eugene can’t get out of his own way and drops a jar, and Carter hears him and puts a gun on him, but we all know he won’t do it. Mufucka can’t kill a walker, and he’s gon’ kill a real person? Fuck outta here. Anyway, Rick, Morgan and Daryl walk up and Rick is like, the fuck is goin’ on? He takes the gun from Carter as easily as you’d like, puts it on him and is like, y’all want war with the gawd of these here streets? Carter surely pissed himself. Daryl and Morgan are in the background like, good grief, and Daryl tells Rick to calm down. Rick is like, cool, gives him the gun, and he really should have at least punched Carter in the face.

-Back in the present, the plan is going swimmingly and Carter finally acknowledges that Rick was right and shakes his hand, and I immediately perk up because I’m like, this mufucka ’bout to DIE. He even goes off by himself ahead of the pack, where he gets grabbed by a walker who bites him square in the face, and I might have cheered. Of course, Rick kills the walker, but Carter won’t shut the fuck up, which is drawing the herd away from the road and ruining the plan, so Rick kills him and Morgan be frownin’ like shit, Michonne too. But yo, Carter was bitten, he had to go. There was really nothing else Rick could do. He woulda turned anyway.

-In the middle of this, we flash back to Rick, who is holding Judith, and he lets Morgan get his shit and bring it over to the house. They have a moment about knowing each other, and they do, but they don’t. Rick tells Morgan that he wanted to kill Carter because he’s weak and people like that can’t survive out here in these streets, and he’s completely right. Of course, that’s what makes Morgan frown at him when he eventually kills Carter, but HE GOT BIT IN THE FACE, BRUH. Mufuckas still ain’t learned. Morgan and Michonne look like they’re plottin’ too. During the speech to Morgan, I was lookin’ at Andrew Lincoln like, he might be a better actor than I give him credit for, or maybe it’s just that he is the perfect role for him.

-Rick gets supplies from Jessie and tries to talk to her, but she’s not really in the mood, even though she knows Rick was right in what he did. She also tells him that Ron ain’t tryna hear what he is saying because he’s the man that killed his father. This just came to me: I wonder if Ron tries to go after Carl to get back at Rick? He wouldn’t go after Judith because I think for all the shit we see on this show, they won’t kill Judith. Jessie also says she is now learning how to shoot a gun, which can’t end well.

-Finally, the herd is going along and the plan is for Abe, Sasha and Daryl to lead them about 20 more miles down the road. Then they hear a loud horn, which of course, perks up the walkers and they realize that it’s coming from towards Alexandria. My first thought? DEM WOLVES ARE HERE. We know they have loudspeakers because that is how they attract the walkers back into the containers where Daryl and Aaron were. And I bet they were watching the place the entire time, waiting until Rick and ’em weren’t there, and they rolled up on Alexandria, took that shit hostage (because who is gon’ stop ’em? Killa Carol and Maggie are the only real ones left back there) and are leading the herd back to the spot.

That was an excellent start to Season 6 of The Walking Dead. It set up the first half of the season personally, the Rick/Morgan situation, the Glenn/Nicholas situation, Carter died brutally, Ron is about to be a little bitch and the potential for the Wolves to step in and be like, y’all need to worry about us now. At this point, six seasons in, The Walking Dead is what it is. Like the Ricktatorship, either get down or lay down.

The Walking Dead S05E05 – Self Help

The Walking Dead continues on with their single-group episodes as “Self Help” follows Abraham, Glenn, Maggie, Eugene, Tara and Rosita (whose name I have been tanking for the majority of the series, so I’ma just call her Rosa) after they leave Rick and ’em at the church. Let’s go…

-The group is driving down the road, and Rosa is playing with Abraham’s hair, saying she’ll cut it soon. Hell, I don’t even know if we have heard her speak before, and we definitely haven’t seen this sort of interaction between the two. Tara says she’ll cut Eugene’s mullet, and I don’t think there is anything sexual going on here, it’s kinda awkward.

-Glenn and Maggie ask Eugene how everything is gonna go when they get to DC and he starts talking a lot of scientific stuff, which he tends to do; he doesn’t know how to explain things in normal terms, or he is hiding something. I think I wrote a while ago that I thought he was full of shit. I know if I’m Glenn, I’m demanding answers. I left my group for your bitch ass.

-Just after they drive by some walkers, the group’s bus blows a tire or something, swerves into a car and flips on its side. The walkers roll up, and on to the credits, which I don’t think get enough to credit for being creepy as hell. I think about my favorite shows: Game Of Thrones, Archer, Sons Of Anarchy, just to name a few, and I get excited when I get to the opening. Shit, Dexter’s opening was the best part of their final four seasons, but that is a story for another day.

-We flashback to Abe (it’s easier to type and I’m lazy) pummelling some dude with a can, then he steps on his neck. He calls out to Ellen, whom you would have to assume is his wife.

-But we go right back to the present, where the group has to get out of the bus that is surrounded by walkers. They come up with a plan and proceed to execute it, and the main goal is to protect Eugene, who is persuaded by Tara to leave and she even gives him a knife, but he is shook as shit. However, he does manage to stab a walker behind Tara, although she finishes the job. God, I hate Eugene so much.

-The engine was screwed, so the group loses their supplies and now they’re in trouble. Eugene wants to go back to the church, but Abe loses it and starts going on about retreating means to lose, so this dude has to be a former soldier for real. I dont trust anyone in The Walking Dead, but this seems pretty legit. Glenn is like, “uhhhh, you alright?” to Abe, who says he is good. Tara suggests that they find bikes, which my homie Bieber suggested a few weeks ago, because bikes don’t burn and furthermore, they don’t require gas. The group leaves and Eugene spits on a walker, and I PRAY that the walker gets up and bites the royal fuck outta this smug bastard. God.

-In another flashback, Abe is yelling for, and finding, Ellen, who has to be his wife; the redhead son is a dead giveaway. They’re looking at him like he is crazy as he is covered on blood, as one tends to be after you beat a buncha dudes with a can; oh yeah, there were multiple dudes in the original flashback. One thing is for sure: Abe’s hand game is no joke at all.

-In the present, the group finds a book store, which they secure and make camp. They make a fire and set up shop, and Glenn and Abe have a moment to themselves. Abe thanks Glenn for coming, and that everyone can survive on their own now, which is bullshit because Eugene is a punk. He also says that he would to say that killing isn’t easy, but now it is the easiest thing in the world. Glenn says he’ll take watch and Abe should get some sleep, to which Abe agrees, but he needs some ass first. Maggie is with Glenn, and Tara is a lesbian, so that leaves….

-Cut to Abe and Rosa gettin’ it, and she says to him that he is watching again, meaning Eugene, so this has obviously happened before. Abe gives no fucks whatsoever, and keeps going. Tara rolls up on Eugene like, what the hell are you doing? Eugene ends up admitting that he sabotaged the bus and that it was never supposed to start in the first place. His reason: he can’t survive on his own and if he couldn’t save the world, he has no value. Tara says they’re all friends, and they would keep him alive, but she’ll keep his secret. She also hits him with her patented fist bump. I fucks with Tara. She’s good people.

-As for Eugene, his reason for sabotaging the bus makes no sense at all and I think I dislike him more than Andrea or Lori combined. I need him to join them.

-Glenn and Maggie are talking, and Maggie says she feels guilty about leaving the group. Ummmm……WHAT ABOUT YOUR SISTER, YO? Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Lauren Cohan, I just listened to her on the Nerdist podcast and she has a British accent, which is awesome. Maggie is generally a good character too, real ride-or-die, but the lack of fucks she gives about Beth is mind-boggling. Still hasn’t mentioned her name.

-Rosa suggests to Abe that they should chill for another day, but he insists on moving forward so they can get Eugene to DC, where he can save lives. Then Maggie suggests the same, and Rosa says the opposite for some reason. A fire truck appears out of nowhere, so now they have a vehicle. Abe says that it is about time something good happens for them, but just before the truck starts, you see it move forward and open a door, so this is the TWD formula for “something bad is about to happen”. The truck stops again and a gang of walkers emerge, and the group fights them off. Eugene gets on top of the truck and sprays the walkers to death, which is some shit and the smug look on his face makes me hate him even more.

-Abe starts laughing as he gets on top of the truck and sees a message on the ground, “Sick inside let them die”, then yells at Glenn when he suggests they raid a Goodwill up the street. Abe won’t fucking listen to anyone; he is so focused on getting Eugene to DC that he has tunnel-vision. Even Rick at the height of the Ricktatorship listened to others.

-In another flashback, Abe wakes up to find his family gone, and they left a note saying “Don’t try to find us”. DAMN. How bad of a person is he? Of course, he goes to find them.

-The group gets in the truck, which didn’t get very far before breaking down again. Maggie tries to talk to Eugene about the mullet, but they’re distracted by a smell, which Glenn goes to investigate. Down the road, it is walker city, like, hundreds of them it looks like. Glenn says they have to go back, but stubborn ass Abe isn’t buying it and says they can get through. A struggle ensues between Abe, Glenn and Rosa, but in the commotion, Eugene decides to yell that, SURPRISE…..he isn’t a scientist! I throw my hands up and do a touchdown dance, I knew Eugene’s fuck ass wasn’t shit. Everyone freezes like that “Red Light Green Light” game we used to play as kids.

-Eugene tells him that he is smarter than them and a good liar, and I’m wondering why he isn’t dead yet. People died to get him this far, and he is being so damn smug. So Abe, thank Jesus, punches Eugene into next week and falls face first on the pavement, knocking himself out. GOOD.

-In the final flashback, Abe discovers the bodies of his family, who barely got around a corner before dying and he is about to comit suicide by putting his gun in his mouth and pulling the trigger. But he hears someone calling for help and it is Eugene, who has the most bitchass run you ever did see and Abe kills the walkers that are chasing him. Abe starts to walk away, but Eugene begs him to stay and says he has a very important mission to end the episode.

“Self Help” was an improvement over “Slabtown” from last week, but not by a whole lot. It seems like Abe is treating this like a video game and needs to complete missions after his family died. He is a terrible leader whose inability to listen to people might get them killed. And if they save Eugene, they all deserve to die.

But next week, we get the Incredible Adventures Of Carol and Daryl, and I am here for that like shit. The Walking Dead goes in waves; it always has. The last couple weeks have seen a decline, but with three episodes left until the stupid midseason break (AMC, stop that shit), business is about to pick up.