Tag Archives: Abraham Ford

The Walking Dead S07E01 – The Day Will Come When You Won’t Be

I think I write this every single season: The Walking Dead is very good at premieres and finales: it’s in between that usually crosses them up. We’ll worry about all that later (because it WILL happen), but Season 7’s premiere, “The Day Will Come When You Won’t Be” was everything I needed it to be: bloody, brutal and taking out people that we care about. Let’s go……

img_20161023_231814

-Shoutout to Jeffrey Dean Morgan, who plays Negan and tweeted out this picture after the premiere was done. Negan is already the best villain in the history of TWD, no matter what happens. He makes the Governor look like a daycare teacher. A cuddly one, at that. One that would let you have an extra juice box after nap time.

-The episode starts off where it ended last season, with Negan standing over the crew, Lucille in tow, ready to take some batting practice. For the most part, the first segment was Negan threatening Rick, and I missed the first minute or two, but luckily, they didn’t show who it was until the second, when it was revealed that it was……Abe. I knew it. I knew it wouldn’t be anyone that we cared about, and by “we”, I mean, “me”. I don’t care about Abe, he hit some smoove one-liners last season, and no one will ever forget him calling someone a “motherdick”, but am I upset that it was him? Not really. Negan probably decided that he might as well take out the biggest person, that would be my thinking. Some people were like, he could add Abe to his army, but I’m pretty sure Negan is good with the army he has. Anyway, Negan beat the blazes outta that dude, who managed to get out something about his nuts as he was dying, kiss ’em or suck ’em or something. Probably be able to rub some brains on his nuts, that’s how hard Negan was hittin’ him.

-And then Daryl, who I wished it would have been, decided to be a big man and jump up at Negan, I think he even managed to get a punch in. Negan had Lucille in front of Rosita, telling her to look at Abe’s brains as he put it together that they were something, and what did Negan say? If anyone moved, some shit was about to fly. Dogg, he WARNED you. So Negan has to prove that he is a man of his word, and took it out on Glenn’s skull. Now this was slightly upsetting, but it would have been moreso if what happened with Glenn and the dumpster hadn’t happened. I figured he wouldn’t get it because if he got outta that, Glenn was Superman. But Negan ain’t a buncha dumbass zombies that decided, well, we can’t reach him so we’ll move on, and went to town on Glenn’s head. And that’s on Daryl, that’s on y’alls man, your saviour, ol’ non-showerin’ ass. I really wish it would have been him just to see people furious. And he woulda deserved it because this is on him. And I’m prepared to be mad when he survives this. Because he WILL survive this.

-HE DOESN’T EVEN DO ANYTHING.

-Glenn said something to Maggie before Negan hit ’em with the death blow, but I don’t know what he said. Hopefully, it was, “this is Daryl’s fault”. Anyway, RIP to Glenn. Season 1 vet, and last season’s, “I was just supposed to be delivering pizzas” line is up there with Carol’s “Look at the flowers” from Season 4 as my favorites. But I’m happy it happened. TWD was getting complacent. If Game Of Thrones has taught us anything, it’s that anyone can get it at any time, and this was basically TWD’s version of “The Red Wedding”. For a minute, I REALLY thought Rick would get it, too. That’s how frightening Negan is.

-Somewhere in between this, Rick says something about, not today, not tomorrow, blah blah blah, but he’s gon’ kill Negan. And he will, because The Walking Dead (actually, now I believe it will be Maggie). But for now, Negan is in charge and he drags Rick into his camper, where he also has Abe’s axe. He tells Rick to try and get it and kill him, and then surprises him with a machine gun, because Rick really thought Negan was that stupid. Negan takes him out to one of the last traps they ran into in the Season 6 finale, “Last Day On Earth“, the joint where they hung ya man off the overpass. Negan throws his axe outside of the camper and tells Rick to go get it for him, basically to see if he will. And here is where shit REALLY got ridiculous. First, it looks like the place is swarming with zombies, but Negan kills like, two of them as he opens the door and there is a clear path. Okay, fine, whatever. Then Rick fights off a couple, but again, it looks like there are roughly 20,000 walkers around him. Cool. Then Rick runs to the top the camper, but I didn’t see him grab an axe and next thing you know, the axe is beside him. I don’t even think Rick saw the axe when Negan threw it out. Rick is going through a buncha scenarios in which everyone dies if he doesn’t get this axe back to Negan, so…..sorry, I just chuckled remembering this scene because it’s ridiculous, remember ol’ boy that they hung off the overpass? Yeah dogg…..Rick fuckin’ jumped on him and hung there for a minute. But really, this might have been the most realistic part of the scene because dude was freshly dead and turned, so he would have been able to hang there for a minute before falling, as we saw. If it was an older zombie, shit would have just slid off. But Negan is there to shoot away any zombies that were close to Rick, because Negan needs him to alive to go back to Alexandria and tell everyone who the new leader is.

-BUT YO…….am I the only one that noticed that in this whole exchange, it would go to light, and then it would be crazy foggy? Negan said dawn was breaking, but when he threw Rick out of the camper, that shit looked like Silent Hill. Anyway, it was all ridiculous, but it’s The Walking Dead, so it is what it is. This is what I mean when I say, it’s not a well-done show. It’s not. But it’s entertaining.

-They go back to the site, and it’s light out now, officially. Negan doesn’t think Rick gets it, and really, this entire episode was all about Negan planting his flag in Rick’s group and saying, y’all are mine now. So, he gets his people to put guns to Rick’s people, and he brings Carl over to Rick, and he tells Rick that he has to cut Carl’s left arm off. Now, comic people will come out of the woodwork to tell you what this is about, and yes, I know, and we don’t care. Don’t be that person. Anyway, Rick tearfully pleads to Negan to let it be him and Carl is basically telling Rick not to be a bitch, and just do it. Man, you gotta respect Carl at this point. He told Rick to stop being a punk in what, last season, maybe the season before (it was Season 4….look at me fact-checkin’)? Negan even starts a countdown, but he doesn’t get Rick to do it, although it would have been hilarious if he did. He tells Rick that he’ll be by Alexandria next week for his first order of….um, do we even know what he wants from Alexandria? How about EVERYTHING? Let’s go with EVERYTHING.

-Negan and ’em pack up and leave, leaving what is left of that crew to sit there and think about what happened. Maggie is obviously a mess and everyone tries to console her, while Eugene and Sasha go to Rosita over Abe. Maggie keeps saying that she’s going to drag Glenn back to Alexandria and everyone is like, that’s stupid, we’ll take ’em both, Negan is a nice guy and left us a truck. So, I assume they load up the bodies and head back to Alexandria, although the last thing I remember is Maggie standing between two puddles of blood/brain/hair/whatever is left of Glenn and Abe.

-Oh, in my shitting on his existence, I almost forgot to even say what happened to Daryl. They threw his ass in a van and took him somewhere. Hopefully, to inflict pain on him. That’s it. Ol’ loud spaghetti-slurpin’ ass.

-Oh, before I forget, the dinner scene. The dream joint which is narrated by Negan, who is saying to Rick that he thought the group was going to grow old together. I hope they didn’t really think that would happen. For the rest of your life, in that world, you have to be on edge because if it ain’t Negan, it would be someone else. Glenn and Maggie at the head of the table with their son, drinking wine. Well, we have the premise for Season 24: Glenn Jr. hunts down Negan and avenges his death.

-I’m just happy it wasn’t Michonne or Maggie. Those might have been deal-breakers. Probably not, but I would have thought about it.

This was about as far as they could go in the premiere, and I hope that this isn’t the last main character we see go. The Walking Dead is the highest-rated cable show in TV history, and it was resting on its laurels a bit. It was good to see them shake shit up a bit. So next week, I assume we’ll see Carol and Morgan, the burial of Abe and Glenn, Negan making his first trip to Alexandria and hopefully, what I’m waiting for the most this season, the black guy with the dreads and the tiger. WHERE IN THE FUCK DO YOU FIND A TIGER IN THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE? That’s my man, tho.

Welcome back, The Walking Dead. May you be consistently inconsistent throughout this entire season, and I’ll be here for all of it.

 

The Walking Dead S06E14 – Twice As Far

The Walking Dead are taking their sweet time rolling out this Negan storyline, but it seems as though things are coming to a head with “Twice As Far”, which featured a couple of characters teaching you the age-old adage of “stay in your lane”. Let’s go….

top-4-hot-damn-moments-from-the-walking-dead-episode-14-twice-as-far-899413

-We start with the open, where everyone is walking around Alexandria like things are all good. Olivia is in the pantry, which is full of stuff now. Father Bitchass is walking around with a gun, Eugene is taking turns watching out and while it’s nice that these two want to play a bigger role….do you want them playing security guard for your family? Anyway, more on that later. Morgan is gettin’ his Donatello on as he practices by himself, Carol is smoking and playing with the rosary beads she found last week, and Morgan is also putting the finishes touches on the jail cell he was starting a few weeks ago. He tells Rick that the jail cell is so that he’ll have a choice next time, instead of just killing someone. This dude just doesn’t get it.

-We run through the same sequence, except there is a scene where Tobin kisses Carol as she is smoking and playing with the beads again. So I guess that is officially a thing now between Tobin and Carol, and where the hell is she getting all these cigarettes? Same place they’re getting gas for all this driving, I guess. We see Rosita getting dressed after sleeping with Spencer; way to get back on the horse, girl. Abe wasn’t shit, anyway.

-Daryl is going through his things on his motorcycle bag when Carol approaches him, just handing out cigarettes like she’s the smoke fairy. Carol asks Daryl if he saved the people in the forest, and Daryl says he should have killed him. Seeing Carol lose the Killa in her makes me so sad. Even Daryl notices because he asks Carol what the people in the slaughterhouse did to her and Maggie, and Carol says they didn’t do anything. I’m taking that as, they didn’t do anything, but this group, they’re the ones that made Carol like this, and they’re the ones that are driving her away.

-Denise watches Abe and Eugene leave Alexandria, and then she focuses on a walker that is caught on a spike, just staring it down. It was here that I figured she would do something stupid during this episode. Then we switch to Spencer and Rosita, and he asks the ol’ “what are we doing” question, and she doesn’t wanna say, dude you were just a piece….so she agrees to have dinner with him. Relationships in the zombie apocalypse? Ehhhhhhhhhhh……I’m not fond of them, but I guess. Maggie and Glenn worked, so far anyway. Just be a rebound, bruh.

-Denise tells Rosita and Daryl about an apothecary that should have some drugs, and she wants to retrieve them, but she obviously needs the two of them to go with her. She says she’ll go with or without them, which is definitely pointing towards her doing something stupid. She wouldn’t get half a mile outside the walls without dying. So the three of them hop in a truck and start the journey, then they stop for a minute. Daryl and Rosita check the place out, Rosita grabs some booze from a walker and Denise sits in the truck by herself. She is looking at Rosita, wondering how in the hell she can get up to kill a walker, and you can see where this story is going. Rosita wants to take some tracks to get to the apothecary, while Daryl wants to take the road; Rosita’s way is a shortcut, but Denise goes with Daryl.

-Eugene and Abe are walking down an alley, and Eugene has a ponytail now, because that’s better than a mullet? Sure. Abe says he has been taking more guard shifts, hollerin’ at the ladies….basically, what’s up, bruh? And Abe is like, I’m a survivor, and Eugene is like, yeah, okay dogg….we’ll see when the rubber hits the road.

-Rosita is waiting for Daryl and Denise, who apologizes to Rosita about going with Daryl, and wonders how she learned how to use weapons. Rosita is adamant that it wasn’t Abe, and she’s mad, but Denise is oblivious. They get to the apothecary and open it up, but look at all the handprints on the outside….that shit is creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy.

-Eugene and Abe are inside a machine shop of some sort, and Eugene wants to figure out how to make things like more bullets here. Then a walker comes around the corner, but its head was dipped in liquid metal or something, so when Eugene tries to stab it, it won’t go through. He struggles with the thing for a minute before Abe steps in and kills it, and Eugene goes off on Abe, talkin’ about he would have killed it and your services are no longer required. BRUH……I was so mad. Eugene is lucky he is still alive….you lied to us, got a buncha people killed, you’re not a damn scientist, we’ve had to save you a whole slew of times and you got the fuckin’ nerve to holler in my face? Abe should have left him right there when he told the group he wasn’t a scientist. What a fuckboy. Abe was like, find your own way home, bitch, and peaced out.

Fear The Walking Dead: Flight 462…..this is becoming the best part of The Walking Dead.

-The trio is going through the apothecary and Denise finds a keychain that says Dennis, which we eventually learn was her twin brother. They also find all the drugs and Daryl is like, we’re takin’ all this shit….. ALL OF IT. Denise notices a room and she’s like, okay, I can do this, and I’m like, BITCH STAY THE FUCK AWAY. It’s basically the creepiest room of the whole place, with a super-old walker on the ground, a crib, the words “HUSH HUSH HUSH” written on the wall and a shoe in a sink of blood, so we can assume that a baby was in there. All that was left was for the room to whisper “GET OUT”. Denise peaced out with the quickness. Again….stay in your lane.

-Denise is crying outside and the other two don’t say anything about it. Daryl even says she did good to find the apothecary, and he doesn’t do that very often. They decide to take Rosita’s way back to the truck, while Daryl and Denise talk about having shitty brothers. I keep forgetting about what a dickbag Merle was. Tried to get my man T-Dogg killed.

-So, here we go: they’re walking down the tracks and Denise sees a car with a cooler in it, but the car also has a walker in there. But Denise really needs a fucking soda and even though they tell her not to try it, she wants to puff her chest out and be stupid. Of course, there is a struggle, and eventually Denise kills the walker, and gets her soda. She goes on about some rant about this being more than a soda, she wanted to go with Daryl because he makes her feel safe like her brother did, and she wants to help Rosita deal with being alone, and motherfucker, no one asked you to do any of this. She’s standing there, yelling and being all loud, and then BAM……she catches an arrow through the eyeball, which might have been avoided if she didn’t stop for a damn soda. So fuckin’ pressed.

-The Savior that stole Daryl’s bike, Dwight, comes out of the woods with his group as well as Eugene, who of course has been caught because he isn’t that good at this sot of thing. They have a standoff and Dwight tells Daryl and Rosita that they’re going to take everyone to Alexandria, or Eugene dies, at which point I’d be like, well, tough shit, bruh. But Eugene sees Abe behind a barrel and when Dwight tells someone to go check it out, Eugene bites him on the dick for like……I don’t know, longer than a bite should go. The shootout starts and Eugene gets hit, but our group wins and gets the hell outta dodge, carrying Eugene along the way because he got shot with a mouth full of dick. They walk by Denise’s body like, yo…..over a GD soda?

-Everyone is back at Alexandria, and Eugene is going to be fine, and Abe is like, cool….lemme tries something. He ends up at Sasha’s house and she’s like, fine, come on in, and if Abe works this out, dammit, there is a threesome there for him. So many failed threesomes in this show. Carol and Daryl bury Denise, so I assume they went back out to get her, and Carol tells Daryl that he was right about letting the Saviors live….had he killed Dwight, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. Carol is down in the dumps, and we see Tobin reading a letter that says she is leaving Alexandria, because “I love you all here, I do, and I’d have to kill for you. And I can’t. I won’t”, so she doesn’t wanna be a Killa anymore? Another day passes, much like the opening the episode with Rosita taking Eugene’s spot as the guard, and Sasha looks like her like, oooooooh, I’m fuckin’ ya man. And Morgan looks at Carol’ empty swing. Motherfucker, YOU did that.

What an infuriating episode this was. Listen, I get that people need to defend themselves, but Denise went out of her way and put others in danger, and ended up dying because of it. Eugene needs to stick his chest back in a little and realize why the fuck he is still living. And now someone is going to have to go and look for Carol….I’m assuming Daryl, and that might lead them to Negan, because I think he has eyes on Alexandria right now. Not the best episode of The Walking Dead, not the worst. It kind of encapsulates the second half of this season.

 

 

The Walking Dead S06E11 – Knots Untie

The Walking Dead rolls on with “Knots Untie”, which introduces more new people since a whole slew of mufuckas were wiped out over the first two episodes. How long will it take until these new people show that they have to die? Not long. Let’s go….

-Abe is tryna have small talk with Sasha, who he has been flirting with for a while now, but Sasha tells him that she is switching gigs with Eugene. Abe is trying so hard to not act hurt, but she threw him in that friend zone so quick. And she’s probably like, “bruh, we all know you’re fuckin’ Rosita”, and the last thing that group needs is some Jerry Springer shit. Might be the best decision anyone makes all season.Speaking of, the next scene is him in bed with Rosita, as he thinks about Sasha, being a dirtbag.

-We get our first scene with Maggie and Glenn since they’ve been reunited, and they talk about the lack of crops they’re getting. But then they see Abe and Denise running to the basement where the homie Jesus was, so they follow. Jesus is chillin’ in the living room and Carl puts the gun to his head, but Rick and Michonne tell everyone that it’s okay. Meanwhile, I think a couple people are more like, sooooooooo……..what y’all doin’ tho?

-Jesus explains that he has a group that has food and stuff, and he was sent out to find groups to trade with. So he has obviously been spying on them, but no one presses him on it. Then they agree to go to the Hilltop, where he is from, which has bad news written all over it.

-They get ready to leave and Rick tries to explain to Carl about Michonne, but Carl is like, nah, it’s cool, dogg, do your thing. And Carl loves Michonne at this point. Obviously, it’s not his mom, but he hasn’t even said Lori’s name in a couple seasons. Fair enough, because she was terrible.

-A group of Rick, Michonne, Glenn, Maggie and Abraham head to the Hilltop with Jesus, and Abe asks Glenn about he and Maggie bringing a child into this world. It’s a good point, but Glenn says they’re building something at Alexandria. And another point: should pregnant Maggie be on this trip? Back to that in a bit.

-They see an overturned car on the road, which Jesus recognizes as being from his place, so they investigate it because why not. Daryl tracks them to a building, leaving Jesus with Maggie, which seems like another terrible idea, but she has a gun and Maggie will shoot you in the face. They found the group in the building, killing a couple walkers along the way, and they realize that one is also an obstetrician, which is great for Maggie and Glenn, and worries the shit outta me. One of the survivors tells Jesus that he was his dead wife when he thought he was going to die, which strikes a nerve with Abe because of his past. He’s going to snap and get someone killed, probably himself, but definitely someone else.

-They get to the Hilltop, which is guarded by a couple of dudes with spears, and it’s a good thing they weren’t black or else this recap would have been 2,000 words of fire. But they weren’t, and they want Rick and ’em to lower the guns, and Rick is like, man, WE GOT GUNS AND Y’ALL GOT FUCKIN’ SPEARS. Jesus calms everyone down and Rick and ’em get to keep their guns, and that they ran out of ammo months ago. This keeps getting more fishy, bruh. But they got a mansion that used to be a museum as well as crops, so Rick and ’em are like, well, we’re here.

-They meet Gregory, the leader, who wants everyone to clean up before they sit on anything, which is fair, but Rick’s group don’t even look that dirty outside of Daryl, and that’s just his thing at this point. Rick wants Maggie to talk to Gregory, which is why she is here: because of her work with Deanna. Rick hopes she picked up some skills on how to talk to mufuckas. But she tries that and Gregory is a douche, telling her that he knows they don’t have much food, that they’ll only help if the Alexandria people work at the Hilltop, and then proceeds to either hit on Maggie, or basically tell her that she’s about to be a sex slave or something (not in so many words, but that’s what I got out of it). Maggie is like, y’all ain’t got ammo or medication, and we can do this easy, and Gregory is like, NOAP. Man, after all Maggie has been through? He has no idea who he is messing with. After her run-in with The Governor, Maggie doesn’t scare easily. And this felt kinda Governor-y.

-Everyone else is outside and a group returns to the Hilltop from a meeting with Negan, who has killed two of them and they’re holding a third. There was also a message from Negan, delivered by someone named Ethan, who stabbed Negan in the stomach and a fight ensues. Rick ends up killing Ethan, while Daryl saves Abe from being choked out, although he didn’t put up much of a fight. Rick gets up with blood on his face like, THE FUCK Y’ALL WANNA DO, and Jesus is like, they’re good, Ethan started it, but some girl punches Rick and you know Michonne ain’t here for that at all. She pushed that girl to the ground like she wasn’t anything. Rick got him a down-ass chick that can fight now….which will suck that much more when she dies.

-Goddamn, that was good. Rick seriously looked at them like, you think this is the first time I’ve had a mufucka’s blood on my face and my mouth? This ain’t even zombie blood. Fuck outta here with that. Daryl in the background like, y’all don’t wanna fuck with him.

-Meanwhile, Abe leaves a necklace that Rosita gave him on the ground, right there, and he’s about to bring so much fuckass drama to this spot. And no one cares, b.

-Jesus tells the group about Negan, who runs The Saviors, and the deal was that they wouldn’t attack the Hilltop in exchange for half of what they had, on some Eddie Murphy in Raw shit. Rick is like, yo, how about we kill Negan and ’em, in exchange for what you got, and Jesus says he’ll take that to Gregory. Yo, these Hilltop people gotta be working with the Saviors. They can’t be outchea gettin’ got by EVERYBODY, can they?

-Gregory tells Maggie that he agrees to the deal, but Maggie is like, nah, HALF, EDDIE (just watch the clip). He agrees to that because like she said, the Saviors will keep coming for more until they have everything, then they’ll just kill everyone at the Hilltop anyway. Maggie had this in her long before Deanna.

-They leave the Hilltop, and Rick is briefed on Negan’s compound, while Maggie and Glenn get an ultrasound from that doctor (Harlan), and they show the group the picture of their unborn child. What in the hell are they setting us up for?

A solid episode, I’d say, and it made sense for the most part (it wouldn’t be a TWD episode if there weren’t a couple stupid things, but nothing awful). We learn a little more about Negan and how ain’t-shit he is, so they’re setting that up for the last few episodes of the season. They’re focusing on Abe a little more, which makes him rise up the TWD Death Power Rankings. I also don’t completely trust the Hilltop people, because that Ethan guy stabbed Gregory a little too easily. In cahoots with Negan, and everyone has been watching Alexandria, concocting this plan? We’ll see. The next episode looks like everyone is Rambo-ing up to prepare for this siege….but I bet Negan and ’em already know it’s coming. Alright, Walking Dead, I’m ready.

 

The Walking Dead S05E05 – Self Help

The Walking Dead continues on with their single-group episodes as “Self Help” follows Abraham, Glenn, Maggie, Eugene, Tara and Rosita (whose name I have been tanking for the majority of the series, so I’ma just call her Rosa) after they leave Rick and ’em at the church. Let’s go…

-The group is driving down the road, and Rosa is playing with Abraham’s hair, saying she’ll cut it soon. Hell, I don’t even know if we have heard her speak before, and we definitely haven’t seen this sort of interaction between the two. Tara says she’ll cut Eugene’s mullet, and I don’t think there is anything sexual going on here, it’s kinda awkward.

-Glenn and Maggie ask Eugene how everything is gonna go when they get to DC and he starts talking a lot of scientific stuff, which he tends to do; he doesn’t know how to explain things in normal terms, or he is hiding something. I think I wrote a while ago that I thought he was full of shit. I know if I’m Glenn, I’m demanding answers. I left my group for your bitch ass.

-Just after they drive by some walkers, the group’s bus blows a tire or something, swerves into a car and flips on its side. The walkers roll up, and on to the credits, which I don’t think get enough to credit for being creepy as hell. I think about my favorite shows: Game Of Thrones, Archer, Sons Of Anarchy, just to name a few, and I get excited when I get to the opening. Shit, Dexter’s opening was the best part of their final four seasons, but that is a story for another day.

-We flashback to Abe (it’s easier to type and I’m lazy) pummelling some dude with a can, then he steps on his neck. He calls out to Ellen, whom you would have to assume is his wife.

-But we go right back to the present, where the group has to get out of the bus that is surrounded by walkers. They come up with a plan and proceed to execute it, and the main goal is to protect Eugene, who is persuaded by Tara to leave and she even gives him a knife, but he is shook as shit. However, he does manage to stab a walker behind Tara, although she finishes the job. God, I hate Eugene so much.

-The engine was screwed, so the group loses their supplies and now they’re in trouble. Eugene wants to go back to the church, but Abe loses it and starts going on about retreating means to lose, so this dude has to be a former soldier for real. I dont trust anyone in The Walking Dead, but this seems pretty legit. Glenn is like, “uhhhh, you alright?” to Abe, who says he is good. Tara suggests that they find bikes, which my homie Bieber suggested a few weeks ago, because bikes don’t burn and furthermore, they don’t require gas. The group leaves and Eugene spits on a walker, and I PRAY that the walker gets up and bites the royal fuck outta this smug bastard. God.

-In another flashback, Abe is yelling for, and finding, Ellen, who has to be his wife; the redhead son is a dead giveaway. They’re looking at him like he is crazy as he is covered on blood, as one tends to be after you beat a buncha dudes with a can; oh yeah, there were multiple dudes in the original flashback. One thing is for sure: Abe’s hand game is no joke at all.

-In the present, the group finds a book store, which they secure and make camp. They make a fire and set up shop, and Glenn and Abe have a moment to themselves. Abe thanks Glenn for coming, and that everyone can survive on their own now, which is bullshit because Eugene is a punk. He also says that he would to say that killing isn’t easy, but now it is the easiest thing in the world. Glenn says he’ll take watch and Abe should get some sleep, to which Abe agrees, but he needs some ass first. Maggie is with Glenn, and Tara is a lesbian, so that leaves….

-Cut to Abe and Rosa gettin’ it, and she says to him that he is watching again, meaning Eugene, so this has obviously happened before. Abe gives no fucks whatsoever, and keeps going. Tara rolls up on Eugene like, what the hell are you doing? Eugene ends up admitting that he sabotaged the bus and that it was never supposed to start in the first place. His reason: he can’t survive on his own and if he couldn’t save the world, he has no value. Tara says they’re all friends, and they would keep him alive, but she’ll keep his secret. She also hits him with her patented fist bump. I fucks with Tara. She’s good people.

-As for Eugene, his reason for sabotaging the bus makes no sense at all and I think I dislike him more than Andrea or Lori combined. I need him to join them.

-Glenn and Maggie are talking, and Maggie says she feels guilty about leaving the group. Ummmm……WHAT ABOUT YOUR SISTER, YO? Don’t get me wrong, I love me some Lauren Cohan, I just listened to her on the Nerdist podcast and she has a British accent, which is awesome. Maggie is generally a good character too, real ride-or-die, but the lack of fucks she gives about Beth is mind-boggling. Still hasn’t mentioned her name.

-Rosa suggests to Abe that they should chill for another day, but he insists on moving forward so they can get Eugene to DC, where he can save lives. Then Maggie suggests the same, and Rosa says the opposite for some reason. A fire truck appears out of nowhere, so now they have a vehicle. Abe says that it is about time something good happens for them, but just before the truck starts, you see it move forward and open a door, so this is the TWD formula for “something bad is about to happen”. The truck stops again and a gang of walkers emerge, and the group fights them off. Eugene gets on top of the truck and sprays the walkers to death, which is some shit and the smug look on his face makes me hate him even more.

-Abe starts laughing as he gets on top of the truck and sees a message on the ground, “Sick inside let them die”, then yells at Glenn when he suggests they raid a Goodwill up the street. Abe won’t fucking listen to anyone; he is so focused on getting Eugene to DC that he has tunnel-vision. Even Rick at the height of the Ricktatorship listened to others.

-In another flashback, Abe wakes up to find his family gone, and they left a note saying “Don’t try to find us”. DAMN. How bad of a person is he? Of course, he goes to find them.

-The group gets in the truck, which didn’t get very far before breaking down again. Maggie tries to talk to Eugene about the mullet, but they’re distracted by a smell, which Glenn goes to investigate. Down the road, it is walker city, like, hundreds of them it looks like. Glenn says they have to go back, but stubborn ass Abe isn’t buying it and says they can get through. A struggle ensues between Abe, Glenn and Rosa, but in the commotion, Eugene decides to yell that, SURPRISE…..he isn’t a scientist! I throw my hands up and do a touchdown dance, I knew Eugene’s fuck ass wasn’t shit. Everyone freezes like that “Red Light Green Light” game we used to play as kids.

-Eugene tells him that he is smarter than them and a good liar, and I’m wondering why he isn’t dead yet. People died to get him this far, and he is being so damn smug. So Abe, thank Jesus, punches Eugene into next week and falls face first on the pavement, knocking himself out. GOOD.

-In the final flashback, Abe discovers the bodies of his family, who barely got around a corner before dying and he is about to comit suicide by putting his gun in his mouth and pulling the trigger. But he hears someone calling for help and it is Eugene, who has the most bitchass run you ever did see and Abe kills the walkers that are chasing him. Abe starts to walk away, but Eugene begs him to stay and says he has a very important mission to end the episode.

“Self Help” was an improvement over “Slabtown” from last week, but not by a whole lot. It seems like Abe is treating this like a video game and needs to complete missions after his family died. He is a terrible leader whose inability to listen to people might get them killed. And if they save Eugene, they all deserve to die.

But next week, we get the Incredible Adventures Of Carol and Daryl, and I am here for that like shit. The Walking Dead goes in waves; it always has. The last couple weeks have seen a decline, but with three episodes left until the stupid midseason break (AMC, stop that shit), business is about to pick up.