Tag Archives: Daryl

The Walking Dead S07E08 – Hearts Still Beating

The Walking Dead powered into its midseason break with “Hearts Still Beating”, and while the grammatical error in the title really bothers me (I’ll explain that later), it was everything that is great about TWD: it was cheesy, over the top, still had a little bit of heart, and it was a buncha Negan being a dick. Let’s go……..

the-walking-dead-episode-708-spencer-nichols-935

-We open with Maggie at Glenn’s grave, which I assume she does daily, and then she goes to the top of the gate at the Hilltop. Gregory has an apple and is almost like, do you want this, and Eduardo, who is also up there, is like, dude, she’s pregnant, so Gregory thinks he’s being a nice guy by giving her the apple. One, she’s pregnant, stop being a dick, and two, most importantly, pregnant or not, Maggie would stomp the muddiest of holes in Gregory’s ass. Did he spend an entire episode getting punked by everyone like, two weeks ago? If you don’t go sit your fake Herschel ass down somewhere.

-Daryl gets out of his cell because of that note that told him to go. Yay. Fuck.

-More importantly, Negan is at Rick’s house, taking a shave and telling One-Eyed Carl how to shave as well, cooking pasta in his house, lookin’ like that scene from “Goodfellas“, but without the cocaine. Olivia gets some lemonade from Tara, who says she’ll go inside and take over for Olivia, who told Rick she would watch Judith, and neither of them would be able to do anything, so that’s pointless.

-Then we have Rick and Aaron, who decide to go out to the houseboat in the canoe full of bulletholes, and I was like, OOOOOOOOOOH WHAT LEVEL OF FUCKERY IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN……well, the scene is stretched out, but basically, the canoe sinks because bulletholes, they have to fight off water walkers (which I figured would like, disintegrate in the water, but whatever man), Aaron sees one in the other canoe, falls the fuck over and is taken under, Rick freaks out, Aaron pops up, and I let out a good, hearty laugh. The best thing about The Walking Dead is when you can see the fuckery down the road, and you know it’s about to be some bullshit, but it’s just a matter of how they get to, and through, the bullshit. It was great. Anyway, they get to the canoe, while Negan is back at the house, tucking napkins in his shirt and shit, getting ready to chow down on a trough of spaghetti because that seems to be all they have at Alexandria (remember Aaron, Daryl and, um….Eric? I think that’s his boyfriend’s name).

-Spencer is tryna be nice to the Saviors, where some girl wants to holla at him and show him the compound later, aka her walls (not walls in a house, use your imagination). She also takes a moment to punk Eugene, who watches this flirtation go down because he’s a creep like that and he does like to watch.

-Meanwhile, Carol is tryna chill and read her book by a fire like a civilized human, and mufuckas won’t leave her alone, Morgan, King Zeke (who we don’t see in this episode and that’s some bullshit), and now Richard, apparently that is his name. He comes in and tries to persuade them to convince King Zeke to strike first against the Saviors, and Carol is like, I just wanna read my fuckin’ book and eat my produce, and we all know Morgan ain’t about that life. So, Richard goes to a shittily-hidden camper in the woods, throws a milk bottle and starts crying. So, here is my thing: why should I care about Richard? The Kingdom, even, for that matter? Spend a little more time on it and maybe, just maybe we would care. They could have honestly split up the Kingdom episode with the Tara episode at Ladyland, as my girl calls it. Because….anyway, more about the latter a bit later on because I have a guess about that. Richard does bring up a good point, though: the Saviors don’t really need a reason to go back on their deal. They run shit.

-Rick and Aaron are on the houseboat getting supplies, and they’re talking about this deal with the Saviors, which Michonne doesn’t think is living, but Aaron disagrees and says, “either your heart is beating or it isn’t”…..meanwhile, Michonne is still driving with this hostage Savior, and tries to talk to her because Michonne is losing her mind, and this woman just isn’t having it at all. OH, and back to Rick and Aaron, someone in mismatched boots is watching them through binoculars. Spooky.

-Oh, I almost forgot about Daryl and his great escape. He sneaks around, being all sneaky, then gets to Dwight’s room and eats ALL of the peanut butter with his dirty-ass finger. How does one eat that much peanut butter, that quickly, with one finger, and then not go to the bathroom right afterwards? And as he leaves, he smashes Dwight’s figurines, and they seemed to focus on one in particular, and I don’t know what the significance is. Maybe to show that Daryl is a badass? I bet he listens to Kid Rock. Goddammit, I hate this dude.

-At Hilltop, Maggie can smell apple pies through doors, but that’s believable because pregnancy hormones are no joke. Maggie wants to ask Jesus to get stuff, but Sasha says he left this morning. Maggie leaves and Enid is like, WHY YOU ALWAYS LYIN’. It’s because Sasha has a plan to go after Negan, because who doesn’t? I’d love to sit down and rank all of the plans because there are some real shitburgers in this pile.

-Father Bitchass and Rosita are at the church….and you know what…..GABRIEL tries to talk Rosita out of her shitty plan to kill Negan, maybe wait so everyone can work together. He has earned the right to finally be called by his real name. Lowkey, Young Gabe might be the MVP of the half-season (non-Negan division). Can’t wait for that to backfire in my face.

-Spencer is in the mirror, practicing how to say “Hi” and he looks like he’s on some Jack Handy shit (old SNL skit, do ya Googles). He tells Rosita that the plan is to get close to Negan and then strike, and Rosita says she used him before, but she’ll do dinner with him later because yo, people gotta bang, b. Meanwhile, Daryl finishes his great escape by bashing Fat Joey’s head in with a pipe, and Jesus walks in on it, so they steal a motorbike and leave. Negan gon’ kill everyone at that compound, b. He leaves and everyone stops giving all of the fucks. Everyone gon’ have irons on their faces.

-Michonne and the lady Savior drive to within distance of a gang of Saviors, like, hundreds of mufuckas and is basically like, bruh, you can’t win this fight, he is everywhere…..but I’m done with this shit, so you need to kill me and set this truck on fire. Which Michonne apparently does.

-Rick and Aaron get back to Alexandria to find Negan and ’em, and Aaron takes a massive ass-whipping because of some fuckass note they found on the houseboat that says “congrats for winning, but you still lose”. Thanks to Holly for this, but why did they even take the note back with them? How would they not know that would be some shit? Anyway, Aaron says that his heart is still beating, which is why the title bothers me. “heart’s” = “heart is”, not “hearts”. I don’t know why I would expect a show like this to care about that, but anyway.

-Spencer introduces himself to Negan, who wants to play pool, so they move a pool table out in the middle of the street. Spencer throws Rick under the bus, more or less implying that Rick got his mother killed and that he always fucks shit up (which isn’t all the way wrong), and that Spencer can be the new leader. Here is where you realized that he gotta die, because Negan says that Rick is swallowing his pride and his hate of Negan to get shit done, and that if Spencer wants Rick’s spot, go take it….but he won’t, because he doesn’t have the guts….and then he disembowels Spencer right on the street. In front of everyone, because everyone decided to come out and watch this game of pool. Shit looked like a Michael Jackson video.

-Rosita gets mad and pulls out the heat, but instead of shooting Negan, she shoots Lucille and Negan starts randomly cursing, sounding like Sterling Archer. One of the Saviors throws Rosita to the ground and cuts her face, while Negan wants to know who made this magic bullet. A couple people say they did it, but Negan knows they’re lying, so the female Savior, Arat is her name, she shoots Olivia. Tara then says she did it, but Eugene confesses and Negan is like, yeah, you look like a bullet-makin’ mufucka. So he takes Eugene with him when he leaves, and Rick stabs a reanimating Spencer in the head because fuck that guy.

-Michonne and Rick meet in the cells, and Michonne tells him that there are more Saviors than they thought, but they still have to fight. So they go to the Hilltop to see Maggie, and Jesus and Daryl are there, and it’s one big-ass Avengers reunion as they walk up to the house to discuss a plan. Daryl even gives Rick back his gun, which was on Fat Joey because that’s way too easy. Maggie better have kicked Daryl in the nuts at least three times, since he got back.

-I missed this, but after the credits, Young Gabe is being watched at the Alexandria gate by the person with the mismatched boots. I’m gon’ guess it’s someone from Ladyland? It better be. We don’t need any more new people.

-The one thing that I do like that they are rationing us with Negan, because I think if he were in every episode, it would be too much. Jeffrey Dean Morgan is the MVP of this half-season and it isn’t even close because of how he straddles that line of being a cartoon and a downright fucking lunatic. But every episode and I think it would be too much. They just have to figure out to handle shit when he isn’t in the episode.

-Also, AMC: get your shit together and just make all the episode 90 minutes long. What else do you have to show? And if you’re gon’ have this many characters, you just might as well. I don’t wanna make any more Game Of Thrones comparisons, but let’s just say, you’re not Game Of Thrones. Take that extra advertising money and highstep down the sideline.

That was a solid ending to a typical half-season of The Walking Dead, which will return in February and likely do the same thing: be great for the first couple episodes, then be garbage, then end strong. Morgan and Carol will eventually come around and reach out to Rick because someone will hear something about Alexandria, which means King Zeke and Battlecat will be involved, Tara will holla at Ladyland, and yeah…..man, it is what it is by now with The Walking Dead. If they could just be consistent, the world would be a better place. The ratings are dropping, but they’re just now very good down from astronomical. It’ll be interesting to see if they try to improve in the second half of Season 7, I wouldn’t bet on it, but crazier things have happened and I’ma watch anyway. See y’all in February.

 

The Walking Dead S07E04 – Service

Now that we’re all caught up with everyone, and we know where everyone is, The Walking Dead continues with “Service”, also known as the Negan-comin-for-all-your-shit tour. Some stuff that happened in the premiere served to help this episode not be terrible, and there could have been a hint for the future here as well, so let’s go.

jeffrey-dean-morgan-negan-the-walking-dead-season-7-episode-4-service-preview-spoilers

-We open with Rick and Michonne in bed, which I kinda forgot about, and she sneaks out, well, she thinks she does. But Rick saw her the whole time, and I’m pretty sure he saw the rifle that she took out of the fireplace of their house. She takes her weapons and goes to an abandoned car, sitting on the roof, waiting for something it seems, while Rick picks up Judith from her crib. It is a very ominous feeling, this beginning, like Michonne is about to wild out, which might not be in her best interests.

-Meanwhile, Rosita and Spencer are going on a supply run so that they’ll have something to give the Saviors, but Eugene is gon’ build a portable audio system for them, because surely the Saviors need something to play their music on. I wonder what Negan listens to? He seems like he would listen to ’70s rock, with no use for anything modern. Watch, he’ll bring out a Katy Perry playlist and dare anyone to laugh.

-Negan shows up at the Alexandria gate with his crew, including Daryl, and he reminds me of Eddie Murphy doing his James Brown impersonation. He tells Rick to hold Lucille, knowing full and damn well that he ain’t gon’ do anything, and no one can talk to Daryl, either, but Daryl is basically beaten down at this point, just gearing up for his inevitable redemption. They start searching the houses, while Dwight fucks with Rosita, taking her hat and her water, and ordering her to go get Daryl’s motorcycle, so he can make his transformation complete. Damn, he’s gon’ be so mad when Daryl takes it back. He’ll probably die, too. Also in this sequence, when Negan rolled up to the gate, Spencer had no idea who he was and tried to backtalk Negan, and Rick was like, man, if you don’t open this damn gate before batting practice starts.

-Michonne sees a walker and tries to shoot it, but keeps missing, so she takes out her trusty katana and cuts his head in half. You would think that Michonne would be a better shooter than she is at this point, but hell, she has the katana, so just roll with that. Unless the opposition has guns. Then, you should probably work on that.

-Negan asks about Maggie, and Rick lies, saying she is dead. He takes Negan to her “grave”, where he says that he wanted to add her to his harem of wives. Yeah, good luck with that. Maggie would kill herself first, especially for him. I know she has a baby and all, but nah, that ain’t the life that she wants her kid to lead. But then they hear a gunshot and Rick looks at Negan like, YO IT WASN’T ME.

-They find Carl with a Savior at gunpoint because dude tried to take their medicine. While Negan is impressed with Carl’s, um, let’s say, testicular fortitude, he basically tells him to back off or more people die. Shoutout to Carl for having a bigger pair than his father, and the intelligence to know that Negan ain’t playin’. He also gets the guns taken away by Negan, who wants ALL of the guns and Rick said they’re all there, but apparently two are not counted for, so Negan threatens to kill Olivia if they’re not found. She works at the pantry and the armoury, so Rick can’t lose her. Might gotta put a job ad on Kijiji or some shit.

-Rosita and Spencer are out in the woods, and Spencer questions whether Rick should lead Alexandria. Well, if not him, Spencer, who? You? YOU? Better not be. Because if he was leading Alexandria after his mother died, there is a good chance there wouldn’t be an Alexandria at this point.

-Rick calls a meeting to see where these guns are, and tells everyone that Negan is running the show now. So, I assume he hasn’t told anyone about Negan until, like, just now. You should probably give your citizens a heads up before people come in and take your shit. That could have ended much worse for everyone, meaning Alexandria. Eugene noticed that there were a couple people not at the meeting, which will come up later, I’m sure.

-Rosita spends her time killing the undead Saviors that were there when Denise got her arrow in the eye, and kills them, while looking for guns on the correct assumption that Negan is taking theirs. So, where does she think she will hide these guns? She does hide one in the wheel-well of the car they were driving, but you can only put so many guns in wheel-wells.

-HEY, look, Father Bitchass makes his first appearance of the season and it was him who led Negan to Maggie’s “grave”. He says that faith will get them through this whole thing, and Rick needs to believe and all types of other shit. Unless faith carries a bazooka (which Negan took), they’ll need more than that. Rick does manage to find the guns, stashed in Spencer’s house, along with some booze and food, ol’ hoardin’-ass mufucka.

-Rick takes the guns to Negan, who continues to crack jokes while threatening lives, but Rick sees Michonne and asks to be excused. I have no idea how Negan doesn’t see her, and I don’t buy that Negan wouldn’t send someone over with Rick, most likely, himself. Rick goes over to her, while holding Lucille, and says that people will die if Negan doesn’t get the guns, so they make up some story about her hunting and she brings back a deer to make the story even better. I might have messed that last part up, because I spent most of the time rolling my eyes. He then asks if Daryl can stay and Negan is all NOAP. Negan even asks Daryl if he wants to stay, and Daryl says nothing. No matter what he said, he wouldn’t have been happy, knowing Negan. Dwight then rolls up on Daryl’s bike and says he can have it back if he just pleads his allegiance to Negan, but we all know that ain’t happening.

-Rick goes at Spencer for stealing the guns, and Spencer goes back at him, blaming him for the deaths of Glenn and Abe. Rick is like, I know I’m gettin’ punked out here, but it won’t be by you, I promise, and threatens to break Spencer’s jaw if he says some shit again. Everyone has a line, I suppose. Then, Rosita goes at Spencer, who tells her he doesn’t trust Rick, and this is where she sneaks out the wheel-well gun. I wouldn’t be super upset if Spencer died. I know he’s Deanna’s son and all, but you can only push people that do more than you for so long.

-Rick and Michonne are back at the house, spreading blankets on the floor because Negan even took their mattresses. Michonne is struggling to understand this new way of life, but then Rick tells her about Shane, and how he knows Judith probably isn’t his child, but this is life now and you roll with it. This is the first time he acknowledged that Judith probably wasn’t his, I believe, and that has gotta knaw at him. He also says that they don’t even have the numbers with the people at the Hilltop, who I forgot all about, and I think Rick even killed their best fighters, so that won’t help. I thought the Hilltop and the Kingdom were the same. But this is how I see this playing out: the Saviors will mention something about Alexandria at their next meeting with King Zeke and Morgan, who will then rally the troops to help save Rick and ’em. Yeah, that’s pretty much how that will go.

-Now, I didn’t see this part because my copy must have cut off, but Michonne sees the Saviors burning the mattresses and seethes, while Rosita takes a shell casing to Eugene and tells him to make her a bullet. Just one. Some magic-bullet shit that will take out all the Saviors. But I’m concerned about Michonne. She is on the verge of wildin’ the fuck out, and that scares me.

-Seriously, though: where the hell is Maggie? Did she end up at the Hilltop? Isn’t there a doctor there? Why the hell didn’t she go there in the first place? I know there is a story, I’m just not going back to look, but I do think there is a story.

So, this episode was all about Negan runnin’ Alexandria’s pockets, Rick getting down on himself like he did at the prison before he became a damn farmer, Michonne and Rosita should really get together and start coming up with a cohesive plan before they get everyone killed, and Judith might be an orphan. Hell, she might be a double orphan soon if Rick keeps giving Negan sideeyes (prediction: she won’t). I haven’t seen a preview for next week, but I would think the Kingdom would get a mention, and hell, maybe even the Hilltop, too. Because Lord knows, Rick is gon’ need a LOT of help to get past Negan and ’em.

The Walking Dead S06E16 – Last Day On Earth

Season 6 came to an end on The Walking Dead with “Last Day On Earth”, a plodding, ominous beast of an episode. I thank my terrible attention span because I was doing other shit while it was on, which is why I wasn’t as mad as some of y’all were. Can’t be outchea being engrossed by this shit. After six seasons, y’all don’t know yet? Let’s go……

jeffrey-dean-morgan-brought-negan-to-frightful

-We open from the point of view of someone in a box, with streams of light coming in. It reminds me of when they were in the container at Terminus, so it’s pretty easy to assume it’s the dumbasses that got caught because Daryl is a shitty tracker. Morgan finds a horse, probably belonging to the person at the farmhouse. Horses don’t last long in The Walking Dead. Then we have the dude that has Carol’s rosary beads, looking like he is about to turn, and he is a better tracker than Daryl. Next, we have a man running through the woods, with some whistling going on around him. Carl argues with Enid about her coming on this mission to take Maggie to the Hilltop, to a doctor. Meanwhile, the Saviors surround the man, and Rick assembles the crew, who does a lot of talking, but I don’t pay attention.

-The Saviors tell the man they were chasing that rules were broken and people had to die because of it, so it wasn’t their fault. There isn’t much explaining of the rules, but you can bet that the rules were basically, listen to us to die. Or some version of that. Not very complex, that is for sure. Meanwhile, to get Enid not to come on the mission, Carl locks her in a closet and then tells her to just survive somehow. Bruh, you locked me in a fucking closet, how in the hell am I supposed to get out? It’s about to be that kind of episode. Mufuckas about to act real good and stupid.

-Rick lets Aaron join the group, and apparently Father Bitchass is in charge while he is gone. That sounds like it should go on the pantheon of Rick’s bad ideas. First things first….why can’t you just go and get the doctor and bring that person there? Why are you leaving Alexandria completely unattended? Everyone that is worth a damn is gone. Your best bet was pregnant Maggie.

-Gallopin’ Morgan finds Carol huddled on a stoop, and she got cut in her scuffle with the dude from last episode. The Saviors drag this poor man, who is basically a human pinata for them, into the road, and the leader says they’re making an example of him. The man asks to who since his people are all dead, and gets kicked in the back for his troubles. Rick’s group is trying to keep Maggie calm in the RV, and I forgot she cut her hair. Morgan plays doctor with Carol (not that way, pervs) so they can go back to Alexandria, but Carol doesn’t want to. Of course, Morgan is stubborn and doesn’t fucking listen to anyone, so she might as well stop fighting.

-The RV meets up with the Savior group, who are standing in the middle of the road. Rick offers to make a deal and dude is like, how about you give us your shit and we don’t kill you, and Rick is like, eh, we’ll just leave. The two go back and forth about this being one of their last day on Earth, hence the name of the episode. All I hear is Mase’s “24 Hours to Live” in the background. Round 1 goes to the Saviors, because Rick was like, we don’t want those problems.

-After commercial, we go to the box with the light streams and the heavy breathing, so this will pop up a couple more times in the episode. In the RV, Carl asks Aaron why he is here and he says he owes Maggie, while Carl says he owes the Saviors. Again, selfish motives ruining the group. At least Rick is selfish with a plan, these mufuckas are just runnin’ around all willy-nilly. Carol is telling Morgan how she cares about the group, and is willing to kill for them, but she doesn’t want to kill anymore, so she had to leave. She points a gun at him, but Carol is tired. And I get what she is saying, but man, you gotta tell them first, you know that they’re going to come after you, and here we are, with no one at Alexandria, and everybody about to die.

-Abe tells Sasha that he is ready to bring new life into the world, and she smiles at a dumb fucking idea. Are you serious? That is exactly what you need. A fucking baby in a zombie apocalypse. I thought Maggie and Glenn’s baby was a bad idea, too. But then, they run into another group of Saviors, this time, there are more of them, and they turn around as one of the Saviors busts his gun into the air. It’s probably about this point where they should be thinking of an alternate plan.

-Morgan finds a walker hanging from something and decides to kill it and cut it down. Really, bruh? Compassion for fucking zombies? I’m so done with this dude. And he left Carol, who runs away, so now he has to go find her again. What was he even doing?

-The RV gets to another roadblock, this time, with a line of walkers chained to each other, which means there was some work put into this one. Then they notice that one of the walkers has two of Michonne’s dreadlocks, and another has bolts from Daryl’s crossbow, so yeah, these people are better at this than y’all. The Saviors start shooting from the woods and the group peaces out in the RV. But they realize that the Saviors were shooting at their feet; they would be dead if they wanted them to be.

-Preview of Fear The Walking Dead: zombies in the water, and I assume that is Strand’s place that is on fire. Sure. I’ll watch this.

-The RV is starting to break down, and Rick tells Maggie (whose condition is getting worse) that they’re fine, but his faces are so good. When they get to yet another roadblock, this time, one with like, 35-40 people, his face says, oh man we are so fucked right now, Saviors outchea lookin’ like a rap-album cover from 1994.

-Meanwhile, Morgan is gallopin’ down the street and finds Carol’s beads by a freshly-killed walker. Carol is walking along and gets caught by the hurt Savior, but not before she fights off a walker and tears its face off. The hurt Savior fucks her up pretty good, and he has a gun, so he shoots her in arm, and the leg, because he wants to watch her die before he dies.

-Again, we get the box, then Rick comforting Maggie, but looking like he is going to pee himself at the thought of what is next. And I just thought of something: at this point, how do they even know that the doctor at the Hilltop (I just remembered he had that ultrasound machine because who doesn’t have an ultrasound machine?) is still alive? After meeting the Saviors, I assume everyone is dead outchea in these streets.

-Then Morgan, of course, comes out of nowhere and shoots the man all to hell and Carol is like, MOTHERFUCKER WILL YOU JUST LET ME DIE FOR FUCK SAKES. But they survive and then, well, shoutout to the homegirl Holly for this: “speaking of, who the fuck were those storm trooper dudes that Morgan met up with ?”. Mufuckas on horses dressed like Star Wars characters come around the corner, say they’ll help Morgan, mufuckas shake hands and walk off. Hahahaha the writers just don’t care anymore. And they shouldn’t. Because we’ll still watch it.

-Rick and ’em get to a big-ass log roadblock, and then the man that the Saviors are fuckin’ with, they hang him from a bridge. Aaron wants to shoot him down, but Rick says they need to conserve bullets and quite frankly, who the hell is this guy? At this point, he probably wants to die anyway. Then the logs are set on fire and the Savior from earlier says some more shit about this being the last day on Earth for someone in Rick’s group. Rick and ’em are like, man, fuck this, and peace out.

-They try to come up with a plan and Eugene says they should go on foot because they were looking for the RV. So this is the plan: Eugene drives the empty RV to lure the Saviors. Hahahaha what? And then what? Did you see how many of the Saviors there were? They’re probably watching you RIGHT NOW. HOLY SHIT. This is not gon’ end well. Eugene gives Rick the recipe for making bullets, and they all pump him up, telling him he is a survivor. What in the name of Destiny Child’s is going on here?

-The next commercial is the conclusion of Flight 462, which is a scene from Fear TWD last season as Nick looks up in the sky and sees a plane flying all screwy. He’s like, hmmm….that’s interesting. Shoutout to the flight attendant that takes her oxygen mask off and looks like she’s ready to eat.

-They put Maggie on a stretcher (WHERE IN THE FUCK DID THEY GET A STRETCHER) and leave Eugene to go and get caught. The group is walking through the woods, and they hear the whistles, and basically run right into the middle of all the Saviors, who have Eugene. They get their shit taken and they get on their knees. The box that we have been seeing all episode is actually a van, and Dwight gets out, along with Glenn, Michonne, Rosita and Daryl, who is shot, but still alive, for fuck sakes. Someone needs to explain to me why y’all love this dude so much. I really don’t get it. I never have.

-Then we get to the best part: we finally meet Negan, who has a scarf on, what is it called, an ascot? Something like that. Anyway, he also has a bat wrapped in barbed wire; so this is the Lucille that I’ve been hearing about and yup, it’s a bat wrapped in barbed wire alright. His speech rambles on, and it’s fine, after waiting this long to meet him, he can talk for as long as he wants and it’s not like anyone can say shit to him. He tells the group that they’re only still living so they can work for them, and the rules are the same that the Savior said earlier: their shit is his shit. He says “shit” a lot, which I respect as it is my favorite curse word. But Negan also says that someone has to pay because some of his men have died, and at this point, I’m like, alright, let’s do this. Glenn tries to be the big man and protect Maggie, and that shit gets shot down with the quickness. He does the eeny-meeny-miny-moe thing with the group to see who is going to get to party with Lucille, and then gets to the moe…..but we don’t see who gets it. All we see is the blood dripping down the camera, and Negan saying, you’re taking it like a champ. A couple more swings, fade to black, annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd scene.

-So, people are mad about the end, but me, I liked it. I like not knowing who it is that got the business end of Lucille, and guessing throughout the off-season. I know some comic readers are going to be pressed to tell us what happens, and I’ve already read it. But the way that TWD works, you really don’t know because they’ve gone so far off the comics already. Still, don’t be a pressed asshole. We know the comics are out there and can read it ourselves if we want. No one cares, b.

-Negan was great. That was well worth the wait. He is probably already the best villain of the show so far. Yep, better than the Governor.

-The episode dragged, for sure, but AMC had to get that advertising money. Because SOMEONE has to pay to keep Better Call Saul (which is GREAT, by the way) on, and all these other new shows.

-Why are y’all are so pressed for Daryl. Is it shallow eye candy (which I approve of, shoutout to Alyssa Milano’s career)? Because he doesn’t do anything.

-I want Glenn or Daryl to be gone. Actually, anyone but Michonne.

And thus ends another season of The Walking Dead. Listen…..it’s not good. It has flashes here and there, where you can tell they really try to give the characters something good, like 2-3 episodes a season. But overall, the audience doesn’t care about those episodes and want to see death and murderkillviolence and walkers and Negan and such…..so why bother? And now people get mad at this? Psssssssh. AMC is going to do what they’re going to do, and we’re going to watch. If I were you, I’d get off the train right now because if you think it’s going to get better, it’s not. Just appreciate it for what it is, not what it isn’t. It’s frustrating, it’s entertaining, it’s a mess and we’ll watch next season because why the hell not?

That being said, I’m drawing the line at ten seasons. Unless there are dragons and nudity. Then I’m in for as long as it takes.

The Walking Dead S06E03 – Thank You

Only three episodes into the sixth season of The Walking Dead, there are a lot of moving parts, and a lot of things can happen. “Thank You” is a huge game-changer and it’s going to be interesting how things go moving forward. See how I did that without being a spoiler? It’s not that fucking hard. Let’s go………

-We open with Rick, Glenn, Michonne and the rest of the crew heading back to Alexandria after hearing that horn from the end of “First Time Again“, and of course, we saw what caused the horn to sound off in “JSS“. Rick is in Ricktatorship mode, telling Daryl, Sasha and Abe to continue leading their portion of the walker herd away, while he tells Glenn and Michoone that he is going to grab the RV to redirect the rest of the herd the other way. He also tells Michonne that all of the Alexandrians aren’t gon’ make it and to keep going if anyone can’t keep up, and of course, Heath, homeboy with the braids, overhears. And guess what? Rick is right. These first three episodes have been a study in the Alexandrians not getting it. But more on that later.

-And on cue, one of the Alexandrians gets grabbed by a walker and dies, and after killing the walker, Michonne stabs the guy in the head with her sword. Rick pats him down, grabs an energy bar and his gun and goes on his way, while the rest of the Alexandrians are stunned as shit. A couple things here: good on Rick, not wasting supplies. Two, these walkers aren’t smart or fast…..how in the hell are Alexandrians getting caught up like that? These mufuckas are children. Actually, I won’t even diss children like that. The horn stopped, though, so that is encouraging.

-The group rolls on before encountering more walkers, and really, Glenn and Michonne could have just hung back and handled it. But naaaaaaaaaaaah, the Alexandrians wanna get involved, one of them pulls a gun out and is shook, and ends up shooting one of his people in the leg. Nicholas freezes because he is a well-known fuckboy, and another one, David is his name, apparently, gets bitten on the shoulder. Oh, and Glenn has to carry this girl who was running and twisted her ankle. These mufuckas, bruh. I’m not saying I would be Rambo in the zombie apocalypse, but holy shit, come on, dogg. At least give yourself a chance.

-Daryl tells Abe and Sasha that he is going back to help with Alexandria and while they try to tell him to stick with the plan, Daryl doesn’t give a damn and leaves anyway. Daryl has been kinda on the fence since they got to Alexandria and really, I thought he’d just drive off by himself, away from everyone. He hasn’t been the same since Beth died. Shoot, he has probably taken it harder than Maggie. I keep saying I’ma let that slide, but I’m really not gonna.

-The group continues to walk, and David looks at his shoulder, and Michonne is like, we need to kill this mufucka SOON. He wants to see his wife one last time, but it doesn’t look promising. They get to a town and they figure out that it’s the place where Nicholas and Aiden made the run that got their people killed, so at least they know their way around. They want to stop and find some treatment for Scott’s gunshot wound, and Glenn is skeptical of stopping, but Michonne figures that they have a little time ahead of the herd. Nah, bruh. You should keep going. But Michonne is deadly with her sword, so you listen to her.

-As they’re going through the town, they run into the kid that shot Scott and ran off and well, he’s walker food now, so fuck him. Nicholas freezes again and Glenn has to make him snap out of it, and then they run into more walkers, so they run into a pet store to get away. Glenn’s plan is to get to a building and set it on fire to distract the herd, and Nicholas knows just the place. Meanwhile, Heath makes a couple smart remarks and Michonne looks at him like, the fuck did you say? She also offers to go because Glenn has Maggie, but he says that is why he is doing it. Oh Lawd.

-Glenn radios his plan to Rick, who is sprinting down the road and man, his stamina is incredible. He then runs into three walkers, who stop eating and while Glenn is telling him the plan, Rick kills all of them. But he looks at his hand like he has arthritis or something, and I vaguely remember something about his hand bothering him from the past.

-Annie and Scott basically tell the rest of the group to leave them behind, but Heath isn’t having it and gives Michonne a dirty look and oooooooooh, buddy….you don’t wanna do this. Michonne runs up on him like Ice Cube in Boyz N The Hood on some “WE GOT A PROBLEM, HERE” shit and Heath tells her that he overheard what Rick said. Michonne basically tells him that he has no idea what it’s like outchea in these streets, and his little supply runs don’t mean shit. Rick has been out here surviving, she has been out here surviving, and that Heath has never been covered in so much blood, you don’t know if it’s yours, the walkers and your friends. Basically, you don’t have a choice how you get to live this life anymore. You do what you gotta do or you die…..Glenn told him that in the first episode. Heath gotta die, bruh. I DARE him to go at Michonne; she would light his ass up.

-Glenn and Nicholas are wandering around, and they come across a walker that Nicholas recognizes as someone from his ill-fated run with Aiden, and it takes him a while, but he manages to suck it up and kill it. Then they hear gunshots coming from Alexandria, so yo, they gotta be close.

-The group is in the pet store, tryna figure out a way to get out while Rick gets to the RV. In the pet store, David is writing a goodbye note to his wife, but Michonne won’t take it as she writes on her hand that he is getting home. They’re tryna be quiet because quite a herd of walkers are walking past the store, and then, a couple of walkers that are inside the store start banging on a door, so they have to kill them. However, the walkers outside hear the noise and they start coming, so they have to get out NOW.

-So they rush out of the pet store and start to run away, but Annie falls, as she is prone to do apparently, and gets eaten. Glenn and Nicholas get to the store that Nicholas suggested they burn, but it has already been burned, so they need a Plan B and of course, Nicholas freezes AGAIN. Glenn, man….just kill this dude, he don’t even wanna live. But they continue on, while the other group get to a gate that they all have to climb, one by one, and Michonne and David are the last two. The walkers are getting closer and get their hands on the pair, while Glenn and Nicholas are trapped in an alley and they get up on a dumpster. Michonne gets away of course, but yeah….not David. Not even close. He was gon’ die anyway. These things happen.

-Nicholas is looking around at these walkers and instead of tryna figure out a way to get out of it, he shoots himself in the head in front of Glenn, who tries to catch his body….but Glenn falls over with the body and yeah……death pool win for me. I called Glenn dying this season because, here is the thing: you CAN’T be a nice guy in the zombie apocalypse. You just can’t. I mean, you can, but you won’t last. I’m surprised Glenn lasted this long, to be honest. But this could have been avoided a few ways. Glenn could have killed Nicholas like, 14 times. Why did Glenn even try to catch the body? He could have just let it drop and let them feast on Nicholas, and maybe gotten away another way. Not likely because there was a BUNCH of walkers, but it was stupid the way that he died. Anyway, I watched it once. The second time through, I had to fast-forward. Bye, Pizza Boy. You were a good dude.

-Michonne, Heath and Scott limp through the woods and as they cross a creek, Heath sees that he is covered in blood and he gets what Michonne is talking about. Yeah, dogg….it gets tres fucking real in these streets, so stop bitching about what choices you think you have the right to make. Fuck yo’ rights.

-Rick stops the RV and gets to where Glenn told him to go, but Glenn isn’t responding on the radio, and he’s like, hmmmmmm. Then he tells Daryl about the plan, but Daryl is just drivin’, bruh. I don’t even know where at this point. But Rick gets jumped in the RV by a person, which turns into two people, and after a struggle, Rick shoots them both. Then he looks outside to see that there is more….and it’s the group of Wolves that Morgan let free. Rick grabs an assault rifle and just mows everyone down, and yo…..that’s how it is done now. You kill first, and ask questions later. But nnnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooo……..mufuckas want to talk and negotiate. Fuck outta here, b.

-I think Daryl is going back to Abe and Sasha?

-Michonne and ’em get back to Alexandria, where she sees shit burned down and pulls out her sword because she knows something is up.

-Yeah, Daryl has rejoined Abe and Sasha to lead the herd away. Meanwhile, Rick tries to start the RV, but no luck. He better figure it out soon, though, because a herd comes out of the forest and starts to surround the RV.

Getting it spoiled for me was a letdown, but it was still a very good episode of The Walking Dead as the Alexandrians should all know how shit has to be now. Really, if Rick hadn’t come up with this plan, they would have been prepared even worse, and none of them would have survived. But now Rick has to get out of this jam (he will), I have no idea how far Daryl and ’em are from Alexandria, but they gotta get back. Next week’s preview was focused on Morgan, so we should be able to figure out why he’s on some peace shit now, and that episode will probably end with either Rick, or Michonne getting back to Alexandria.  But I’m waiting to see Maggie. First Herschel, then Beth, and now Glenn. She is going to be motherfucking LIVID. I want Nicholas to come back to life so she can fuck him up.

The Walking Dead is off to a wild and outstanding start this season. I doubt it’ll continue because there will be a lull at some point, but so far, so good.

 

The Walking Dead S05E8 – Coda

I’m not even gon’ complain about there being a two-month break for Season 5 of The Walking Dead, because “Coda” did enough to tie up a few loose ends. Say what you want about this show, but they know how to do premieres and finales, even the midseason joints. Let’s go…..

-We open with Bob the light-skinned cop running away after escaping from Sasha, and he’s trying to get his hand restraints off before a group of walkers come. Then we see someone else running, which I figured was Rick because he had the big-ass knife on him. Rick gets in a car and tracks down Bob, telling him to stop running, but when Bob won’t listen, he simply hits him with the car. At this point, Bob has to know he’s gon’ die, so he starts to mouth off to Rick, who shoots him. It was either that or leave him for the walkers, but Rick couldn’t take dude poppin’ off at the mouth. Season 5 Rick is the best, man.

-Gabriel is limping around and ends up by a school, which is full of walkers banging on the door, but he is more interested in a Bible he finds, which has the name, “Mary B.” written in it. Mary B. might be someone from his congregation, and he seems to see reminders of them everywhere, and good for him. Then we realize that it is the school where the Terminus people were having a BBQ Bob buffet, because his leg was still sitting on a fire. I thought for a second that maybe, it was her leg, buy I recognize a half-eaten leg when I see it.

-But of course, his bitch ass starts crying and the walkers escape from the school, causing Gabriel to get on his horse and limp away as fast as he can. Here, I’m thinkin’ like, “he BETTER not lead the horde back to the church”. So what does this mufucka do? LEADS THE HORDE BACK TO THE CHURCH. He bangs on the door and does all sorts of screaming for Michonne and Carl, who are better than me because I would have left him out there like he did to his congregation. But they let him in and the horde follows them right into the church, so the trio sneak out through the hole Gabriel made in the floor and trap the walkers inside. Man, listen. I get that Gabriel is religious. That’s all fine and good. But he has no excuse to still be runnin’ around like a chicken with his head cut off anymore. This is life now: suck it up, and learn how to hold the GD machete.

-Rick returns to his group, where they still have the two cops tied up and he tells Daryl that Bob had to die. The other two cops say that they’ll go along with a story that he got jacked by walkers to avoid violence, but how can you trust them? I prefer Rick’s plan of just runnin’ up in the spot and slaughtering EVERYONE.

-Dawn and Beth are chillin’, and Dawn is on a treadmill (or some sort of exercise equipment) trying to get a hold of her cops, who won’t respond on the radio because they’re tied the fuck up. Dawn tells the story of Captain Hanson, who is with her in the picture we saw in the Beth episode, and he was her mentor, but he lost his way or something. I zoned out during her story. I’m not quite sure if I even buy this character. If she actually is or was a cop, I have a feeling she would be fucking terrible at her job.

-Gabriel, Michonne, Carl and Judith are outside of the church and the walkers are almost out of the church. Gabriel tells Michonne that he had to go and see if they were telling him the truth. I have no idea what he is talking about, but if it smartens him up and gets him on board with this killin’ life. I’m all for it. The walkers finally break down the door, but lo and behold, the calvary returns with a fire truck and park it right in front. Apparently they decided against going through the walker horde, and it’s all love when they reunite. Eugene is STILL knocked out. Michonne tells Maggie that they found Beth and the group is gone to go get her, so they decide to make the trip to Atlanta as well. Maggie is so good. She actin’ like she cares.

-Beth is sitting by the elevator shaft where she is joined by Dawn, and the two get to talking about how Dawn is delusional and thinks the world is going to get better, while she tells Beth that the other cops don’t know she is a cop killer (she indirectly had the rapey cop killed, and good on her). Meanwhile, they’re joined by O’Donnell, another cop who earlier shoved the old man who loves strawberries and was part of Beth’s plan to get Carol drugs, and he overheard the whole thing. He threatens to tell the group and we learn that he and Dawn were rookie cops together and he tries to bring up a buncha old shit, but Dawn is like, nah, y’all have changed and now you’re rapin’ mufuckas, all with a gun pulled on him. They eventually fight and have their little tussle, and he starts to get the upper hand before Dawn does some sort of karate kick and gets him towards the elevator shaft, then Beth pushes him down and you hear the walkers converging on him. We have a new entrant in The Walking Dead world of tag teams.

-Dawn wanders into Carol’s room where Beth is sitting on the floor, and Dawn got her flask, drinking away the pain. Beth tells Dawn that she only protected Beth for her own benefit, then Dawn tells Beth that she knows Beth and Carol know each other, and that if she leaves, she’ll be back, just like Noah because they always come back. Dawn’s delusions are pretty damn strong. I still don’t buy this character, though. Meanwhile, I’m prayin’ that Carol wakes up and puts Dawn in a sleeperhold.

-Tyreese, Sasha and Daryl are up on the roof with their hostages, and Tyreese is tryna get Sasha to talk about her feelings at inopportune times. He tells her the story of him letting the Terminus cat go even though he told Carol that he killed him and it came back to bite him, but he doesn’t regret it. Sasha looks at him like, you ol’ punk bitch and is focused on the scope on her rifle. I’m still blaming him for her gettin’ soft and allowing Bob to get inside her head. At some point, he has to snap out of it…….right?

-Rick goes to the meeting point, where he is joined by two cops and Rick tells them he has a proposal. First of all, Rick’s revolver? Biggest joint I’ve ever seen. Has he had that the whole time? Jesus. Second, those cops are just terrible because they don’t seem to notice the group above them, and only know they’re around when Sasha shoots a walker that is coming behind them. These cops are no match for Rick and his peoples, bruh. At least the black cop still had some waves in his hair. It’s Atlanta, there had to be a black barber in the hospital somewhere.

-Rick and ’em are walking the cops into the hospital, while Beth, now dressed in regular clothes, decides she’s gon’ take a pair of scissors and stick them in her cast, which I know right away isn’t gon’ work out for her. The trade is about to go down: Beth and Carol for the two cops, so Beth is wheeling Carol out. Those cops did go along with the story that Bob was taken down by walkers, so everything goes smoothly until Dawn demands that Noah stay back; she’s losing Beth as a ward, so Noah was hers and she has a claim on her. Dawn be on that slaveowner’s shit and now I’m just cheering for her die somehow.

-That being said, it was always gon’ badly if it was Beth that tried some shit on Dawn, so she pulls out the scissors and stabs Dawn in the shoulder, and Dawn instinctively shoots her in the head. Dawn is horrified and is trying to say she didn’t mean it, but Daryl gives -875289 fucks about what she is saying and shoots Dawn, point blank. Everyone is looking around like, the fuck just happened? The cops tell Rick and ’em they can stay at the hospital and Rick is like, nah, but anyone who wants to leave there and join him, they can. Only Noah leaves.

-So, Beth is dead and I thought I’d feel some kinda way about it. I haven’t always liked her, but I did go from disdain to ehhhh, she’s just kinda annoying. But she brought this shit on herself. All she had to do was walk away, but she put her life at risk because Noah gave her lollipops. Ain’t that a bitch. That being said, this was a good death because this is definitely something stupid that Beth would do.

-Also, I spent all week steeling myself to watch Carol die. I had a feeling one of them weren’t leaving the hospital, especially when Dawn learned that one of her cops died. This recap would have had a completely different tone if it would have been her. Shit probably wouldn’t have come out until tomorrow.

-Glenn, Maggie, Michonne and ’em show up at the hospital, just in time to see the group walk out and Daryl is carrying Beth’s dead body in his arms. Maggie falls on the ground, losing her shit and man…..listen. I laughed for like, 12 minutes. NOW she cares, not when she thought she was dead before, not that she even asked Daryl when he got back with the group. Now she’s fallin’ out. Luckily, Lauren Cohan is great, so I’ll keep the slander to a minimum…..but that was some bullshit. Also, more shenanigans are called as Carol is now walking out of the hospital under her own power, but that’s Killa Carol and you don’t question her powers.

-Then we got some bonus post-credit action, and Morgan pops back up at the school where Gabriel was earlier, and he eventually gets to the church, where he finds Abe’s note that says, “Come to Washington, the new world is gonna need Rick Grimes”. He looks like he is about to set up shop at the church, so that is something to watch when the season resumes.

That closes the first half of Season 5 of The Walking Dead, which started with a bang, had some shady moments in the middle, and ended strongly, which is how the show has always gone for the most part. I’ve no idea what the plan is now, but they really should consider just taking over the hospital, therefore, fulfilling Rick’s plan of killing everyone. I look forward to more of ruthless Rick, Daryl going back to being dark after Beth’s death, Tyreese and Gabriel eventually sackin’ up and getting out of their feelings, Maggie doing some fake grieving, Glenn still workin’ on this threesome, and Carol throwing her hands and yellin’, ” FINALLY….what did I tell y’all about trustin’ mufuckas?”.

Season 5 of The Walking Dead resumes in February, but if you missed some shit, I think there is a marathon on AMC on New Years Eve or Day. At least we don’t have to wait a year like Mad Men.

The Walking Dead S05E07 – Crossed

We hit the penultimate episode of The Walking Dead‘s half-season with everything in front of us. The mission: rescue Killa Carol and Beth from the hospital, which is being guarded by one half-decent cop in my estimation. “Crossed”, however, was a bit underwhelming. I didn’t hate it, but I certainly didn’t love it. Let’s go….

-The group is at the church, fortifying it for, well, anything. Sasha is chopping up church pews, working out some of her frustration over BBQ Bob’s death. Gabriel says to Daryl, who is grabbing some steel beams, “Y’all gon use the crosses next?” and Daryl replies, “if we need them”. He also walks in on a crying Judith like he’s gon’ do something with her, then he starts tryna scratch the bloodstains from the Terminus massacre off the floor. More on Gabriel in a bit, but this cat is not trustworthy at all.

-Rick doesn’t want leave Carl and Judith at the church, but he feels like he owes Carol for saving them at Terminus, so he is going. So are Tyreese and Sasha, if Tyreese can ever stop tryna talk about feelings and shit. Leave her alone, she’ll be aight once she kills a mufucka or two.

-Eugene is still knocked out like Deebo in “Friday”, and Abraham is still on his knees looking into the distance. That is, until Rosa yells at him and he stands up right quick and she’s like, probably shouldn’t have done that. Maggie puts the gun on him, though, and you know she woulda killed him if she had to.

-Carl is tryna explain to Gabriel that he needs to know to use a weapon, so Gabriel chooses a machete. Older Carl has moved up the ranks with the quickness, but Gabriel ain’t built for this unless he is one helluva actor.

-Rick is putting together his plan to get to the hospital, which involves a lot of gun-buckin’ and of course, Tyreese is tryna do it on some peaceful shit. Daryl is going along with it too, but you never know with him because he’ll leave a person under a bookshelf for a walker in a minute, then escape with him. Rick agrees, but you know he won’t hesitate to bust his gun.

-Back at the hospital, a cop is tryna convince Dawn to stop wasting resources on Carol, who has only been there a day. Dawn agrees and Beth is like, this dude is charging DVDs like shit is a Best Buy, and you wanna kill this woman? Then the cop leaves and Dawn admits that she isn’t in control, but she does give Beth a key to the drug locker that has something that will help Carol. Dawn ain’t shit, and Beth better get to slap her at least once.

-Glenn, Tara and Rosa decide to go and get water, and leaving Maggie with a large, angry man on whom she pulled a gun on seems like an awful idea. That being said, Maggie tells Abe to get over himself and he isn’t the only one to lose something today. She hasn’t done a lot outside of not give a damn about her sister, but Maggie has had a couple memorable lines so far.

-Beth goes to the doctor and asks for the name of the stuff that’ll help Carol, and after a minute, he tells her. But can she even trust this dude, he has lied to her before.

-Glenn, Tara and Rosa are chillin’ by the stream, and we learn that Rosa met up with Abe in Dallas and asked for her help, so she rolled with him and Eugene. Dallas to DC through Atlanta seems like a roundabout route, but I guess you do what you gotta do in the zombie apocalypse.

-Rick and his people execute the plan, using Noah as bait and they roll up on two cops, one of who knows Rick was a cop from the way he carried himself. I forget Rick was a cop myself, but it turns out he was right because a car comes out of nowhere and starts to shooting at them to rescue the cops. After a brief chase, they find the car abandoned amongst a slew of walkers that have been melted into the ground. The zombie budget has been one of the best parts of The Walking Dead this half-season.

-Of course, Daryl decides to hang back and check a trailer as the group advances and gets tackled by a cop. They fight and the cop is getting the upper hand, and the walkers are getting closer to Daryl, who grabs one of them by the eyes, rips his head off and hits the cop with it. That has to be the zombie kill of the half-season, right? Then Rick shoots a walker in the head and pulls the gun on the cop. He wants to kill him, but good Daryl tells him not to and Rick obliges. He needs to stop listening to people.

-So now they have three hostages, and one of the cops are telling Rick about Dawn and how to talk to her. This lightskin dude is pretty convincing and I trust him, which means something bad is about to happen. You’d think I would learn after five seasons.

-Meanwhile, Glenn and ’em are filtering water through clothes and tryna catch fish. They’re successful and I don’t care. Tara finds a yo-yo and she’s partyin’. This shit is a waste of time.

-Michonne is tryna talk to Gabriel, who won’t come out of his room and we learn that he is using the machete to take out the floorboards. Whatcha hidin’, bruh?

-Here comes my favorite part of the episode. Beth bribes an old man with strawberries to fake like he can’t breathe so she can sneak in and grab the drugs for Carol. This old man drops to the floor and attracts four cops who don’t even notice Beth in there or when she walks out. But the old man does because he all but asks her, you done in there and damn near winks, and as soon she leaves, he’s like, I’m good now, y’all. It was so ridiculous and good. They seem to be trying really hard to change the perception of Beth, and I get it, they’re just terrible at it. Anyway, she gets the drugs to Carol, and now we wait.

-Tyreese is still tryna talk to Sasha and soften her up at the worst possible time. Dude, stick to the task at hand. No time for shook ones now. I’m thisclose to wishing death on Tyreese.

-Gabriel takes out the floorboards and crawls out through the bottom of the church for some reason. He literally takes one step and it is on a nail, which is fitting. He pulls it out and keeps going and hears something, and it is a walker. They fight for a bit before he slams her on a stick and is about to throw a rock on her head before he notices a cross on her chain. Someone from his congregation, perhaps? Either way, we get another example of Gabriel not being built for this.

-Maggie asks Abe if he wanted her to shoot him and he thought he did, but he didn’t. Meanwhile, Eugene finally starts to wake up while Glenn and ’em return with three minnows, a yo-yo and a muddy backpack. Good grief.

-The rest of the group leaves Sasha with the lightskin cop, who tells her a story of how he knew a walker out in the parking lot that was going on a call that he was supposed to go on. Sasha, who is all mushy and soft now because of Tyreese, offers to shoot the walker, and as soon as I saw the cop standing behind her, I was like, oh for fuck sakes. He runs her into a window and knocks her out. I blame this all on Tyreese. Get out of your feelings until this shit is over.

I’m torn over “Crossed” which could refer to Gabriel asking Daryl about using the cross to fortify the church, the crosses on the back of the cop car or the double-cross that the cop pulled. There was a lot of dialogue that didn’t matter and a lot of the characters made awful decisions, but the action was pretty good and Daryl’s kill was fantastic. Still, my biggest problem with the episode is that, this is why people get mad when the group is split up. The Walking Dead isn’t built for multiple storylines, not like the comics; it is much better as a show when it is focused on one thing. “Crossed” was all over the place and didn’t say anything, but hey, that’s just me.

I just feel it should have been better for an episode that was essentially Part 1 of a two-part half-season finale. But the preview for next week seems promising and I’ll certainly be here for the finale of The Walking Dead.

The Walking Dead S05E06 – Consumed

The Walking Dead hit a little bit of a lull over the last two episodes, but it picks back up with “Consumed”, following the wacky adventures of Carol and Daryl. Y’all know how I feel about Killa Carol; her evolution, to me, has been the best part of the entire series. Daryl is good people too, all they need is Michonne and they could send everyone else home for the season. If I graded episodes, this was getting a 7.5 off the jump because of who was the focus, but it was even better than that, let’s say an 8.5 to 9. Let’s go….

image

-We open with Carol driving away from Rick, who put her out of the group for killing Karen and someone else, which is some bullshit. I know she had to die, but Carol watched Rick kill her daughter, Sophia, cut a girl some slack. Carol pulls over on the side of the road to cry and just screams on a walker that rolls up on her.

-She finds an abandoned law firm to kick it at and sets up shop. Carol has gotten quite self-sufficient as she makes noise to draw out any walkers, and sets up a thing to catch rain water. I wouldn’t have even thought that far ahead. Then she sees smoke in the sky from the direction of the prison and decides to save the people that banished her. Another reason why Carol is better than me.

-In the present, Carol and Daryl are following the car they were chasing three episodes ago and Carol just wants to run them off the road, but Daryl wants to be all stealth-like. I would feel as though the car in front would be able to see Carol and Daryl, especially in that shot as they were just driving into the city of Atlanta, but meh, details.

-I love how they’re doing more stuff in the city. I understand why most of the series has been set outside of Atlanta to minimize the amount of people/walkers, but I think they’ve done a great job of showing how decayed Atlanta is, and it’s a nice change.

-The car stops and so does Carol and Daryl, and as a cop (I still don’t think the people at the hospital are even cops) is messin’ around, a walker comes up and starts banging on their car. Another hint that these people aren’t cops: the guy doesn’t do anything at all, doesn’t go to check what is going on, nothing. You would think most of all that cops would be more likely to investigate that shit.

-The cop drives away and the two try to follow, but their car is out of gas; FINALLY, someone runs out of gas in The Walking Dead. Daryl figures they should chill for the night and Carol says she knows a place, but first, she stabs the walker that was banging in their car because fuck ’em, that’s why.

-They find the place and grab some keys off a dead walker, and Carol says it is temporary housing; apparently she has been there, but she didn’t stay. The two have a back-and-forth about trying to start over, and Daryl asks what would have happened if he hadn’t shown up when Carol was outside that night; she says she still doesn’t know. I love the interaction between these two. Not a lot of words, just quick and to the point, and neither of them have a bullshit bone inside them.

-They hear a sound and go to investigate, and it is a pair of walkers, I think it’s a mother and a child, but Walking Dead Wikia says it is two children. Carol wants to bring the Killa out, but Daryl stops her and says she doesn’t have to. I say BOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

-But it turns out that Daryl kills the walkers as Carol sleeps, and she wakes up to find him burning the bodies. Daryl did that so Carol ain’t have to go through that (word to Jay-Z – Izzo).

-Carol and Tyreese are burying crazy Lizzie and Mika, and Carol turns to see smoke billowing from God knows were, I would assume Terminus, maybe. Carol and that smoke, tho. Stays following her.

-In the present, the two construct a plan to get to a tall building so they can look around for an idea of where Beth is. They go outside and get past a bunch of walkers, into a building where there is a skybridge. But as they go through a door, you see someone watching them. I hit that pause button and sure enough, it was Noah, who obviously ain’t make it that far after he and Beth executed their escape plan. He does have a bum leg, remember.

-At the bridge, the two find a bunch of walkers in sleeping bags, along with tent walkers and while Daryl and Carol made short work of them, shit was pretty cool to look at. They find an office to take a breather and Carol tells Daryl that he still hasn’t asked about what happened with her, Tyreese and the girl. He says he knows what happened to the girls, I assume he thinks they turned or got eaten, but Carol says it was worse that that. She wants to tell you, fuckass, but again, they don’t use many words. They also manage to find some Peat’s potato chips an some water in a cooler that was probably warm as shit. But warm-as-shit water is better than none, I suppose.

-Before they got to the office, we see Noah watching them again; he be creepin’ like shit.

-Daryl sees a white van in the distance and since the van has those white crosses on it, he thinks that will point them in Beth’s direction. But as they make it to the walker bridge again, Noah ambushes them as Carol put the rifle through the door first, which is a rookie move, but shit happens. He gets the rifle and Daryl’s crossbow, and then proceeds to cut open the walker tents before leaving. Daryl still has a knife and Carol has a pistol and they wreck shop on the walkers, but she goes to shoot Noah and Daryl hits her hand away. I’m not sure I’m fuckin’ with new Daryl. Merle lookin’ down him like, “Why you aint shoot that nigger tho?”.

-Carol says she was aiming at his leg, which was probably a lie, and Daryl is like, he’s just a kid. Carol says that they now have no weapons and they, along with Beth, could die. She raises a good damn point. Carol is practical; all about gettin’ shit done.

-In a flashback, Carol is watching the bodies of Karen and David (I guess) burn at the prison. Oh, Carol and her crazy fire. Did she ever tell Tyreese about what happened? I can’t remember.

-Daryl and Carol find the van, which is half off and half on a bridge, and with walkers converging on them, they realize it is a hospital van. Carol knows there is a hospital around, but the walkers get there and there are far too many, even for Carol and Daryl. They get in the van and as the walkers push it off the bridge, Daryl tells Carol to buckle up. They fall for the ground and are banged up, but alright. I personally think the seat belt is what hurt Carol’s shoulder. Lesson, kids; never wear seat belts, especially in the zombie apocalypse.

-A couple of walkers fall on the van as the two scurry away, but only two. Apparently walkers get distracted by fire, but are smart enough to not follow other walkers off a bridge. We need walker intelligence consistency, dammit (I’m just playin’, I don’t care).

-They chill for a minute and Carol realizes that her shoulder is fucked, but that they did make good time falling off the bridge. Makin’ jokes and shit; I love Killa Carol.

-They go into a building and find a machete, and see where the hospital is. Carol also tells Daryl that she stayed at that temporary housing place because it was actually a shelter, and she took Sophia there for a day and a half before going back home to more abuse. At the prison, however, she was able to take control of things and this is Carol to a tee because in this episode, at least twice, we saw Carol with some sort of “dealing with abuse” book. She didn’t have the strength to walk away from her abusive husband, then she lost Sophia. Now, she is not fuckin’ around and if she sees you as a threat to her or the people she loves, you’re dying; “this world consumes you”, she says, hence the name of the episode. I admire that.

-They hear a noise and find a walker pinned against a wall with an arrow, so Daryl kills it, but they also heard gunfire. They see Noah fighting a walker and losing, but he manages to get away and the walker attacks Carol. Daryl kills it and Carol tells him to go after Noah, and after the briefest of struggles, Noah ends up with a bookshelf on him because it’s Noah vs. Daryl, for fuck sakes. Keep in mind, this bookshelf was blocking a door and there is a walker on the other side.

-Noah is begging them to save him and asks why they were following him, which is some shit because he followed them, stuck them up and took their weapons. Daryl finds a carton of smokes and I cheered because I would have smoked the entire carton right there on the spot. Daryl walks to let the walker get to Noah, but then Carol decides they can’t let him die and kills the walker. These two have the good cop/bad cop routine on lock, because you have no idea which one is which.

-In the final flashback, Carol is walking away from Terminus and she takes off her blood-smeared walker disguise, and she rubs blood off her face. She looks exhausted after SHE SAVED EVERYONE WHO ABANDONDED HER, but she keeps on movin’ as Terminus burns and of course, there is smoke billowing.

-Noah tells them that the people from the hospital probably heard the shots and were on their way, and he mentions Beth, so they know they are close. They try to leave, but Carol runs outside and gets smoked by a car, to which I wrote, “OH MY FUCKING GOD CAROL”. I gasped and shit. That car hit the almighty fuck outta Carol. Daryl wants to go save her, but Noah says the hospital people (who picked Carol up and put her in the car with the quickness, they have this down to a science now) have numbers and guns, and they can help Carol because they have a doctor and medicine. Daryl is like, yeah bruh, wait ’til you see my clique.

-Daryl composes himself and distracts walkers with fire again; so much fire and smoke in this episode. He and Noah find a truck somewhere (don’t ask) and peace out to head back to the group.

That was a really quick 42-45 minutes, even on my second watch. I would honestly watch a spinoff of Carol and Daryl runnin’ around and wildin’ out (again, along with some Michonne). So that answers the “who was with Daryl in the bushes” question and I think people were right for the most part. So the final two episodes of The Walking Dead for 2014 will revolve around rescuing Carol and Beth, and if they’re smart, taking over the hospital because the people there don’t seem very bright.

Melissa McBride is still the reigning MVP of The Walking Dead heading into the final two episodes, but Andrew Lincoln’s beard and Lauren Cohan’s sweat/dirt mix are still in the hunt. ‘Til next week, folks.