Tag Archives: Lady Olenna Tyrell

Game Of Thrones S07E03 – The Queen’s Justice

After “The Queen’s Justice”, I’m already getting ready to be mad at Game Of Thrones. There will be no justice for the one that deserves it the most, which goes against everything this show is about. Also, kinda upset about the lack of torture, and I think that makes me a terrible person. Let’s go…..

-Dragonstone is the obvious place to start. Dany and Jon meet, Missandei goes through all 83 of Dany’s names and Davos is like, aye, this is Jon, King of the North….yeah, that’s it. Jon won’t bend the knee, Dany tells him not to think of her like her father, yet a little bit of the Mad King comes out with each word and I wish she would just embrace the insanity. Jon tries to tell them about the Army of the Dead and everyone thinks he’s crazy, except Tyrion because he knows Jon a little and knows he wouldn’t lie about something as crazy as this. Davos tries to pipe up and tell Dany that Jon united the wildlings and the the Wall to fight the White Walkers, and almost tells them about the whole “knife to the heart and coming back to life” and Jon is like, YO, CHILL, THEY AIN’T NEED TO KNOW THAT RIGHT NOW. Long story short is that all this shit is moot when the Walkers come, but since they’re both being stubborn, Dany sends Jon and Davos to their quarters and says that they’re not her prisoners…..not yet. She also gets word from Varys that Euron jacked Yara and company, so they’ll figure out the Jon shit later.

-Jon and Tyrion meet up and again, Tyrion says he believes Jon, along with Jeor Mormont (Jorah’s father, ex-Commander of the Night’s Watch) as they’ve both claimed to have seen the White Walkers. Tyrion also wants Jon to know that he wants to help, but he needs to know what he can actually do because Dany ain’t tryna hear about this White Walker thing right now. He then goes to Dany and is like, yo, you give him the dragonglass underneath Dragonstone because seriously, you’re not using it, so it’s useless to you. Jon, in turn, is an ally in this Cersei/Euron thing that is about to go down. Everyone is happy. Dany said it best early in the episode when Jon said that Tyrion likes to talk, and she says that everyone likes what they’re good at. No one on the show is better at talking than Tyrion…..one person comes close, but we’ll sadly get to her in a bit.

-Jon meets Dany and the two come to an agreement that she’ll let him mine the dragonglass, with men and equipment. Jon doesn’t say that he’ll help against Cersei, but he doesn’t say that he doesn’t, so I guess that’s an agreement? Jon asks Dany if she believes him about the White Walkers and shit, and Dany’s like, sure, fine, get to work, we’ll talk about ya little ghosts and shit later.

-Theon’s fuck ass gets rescued by a boat. They could have let him drown. They should have let him drown. They ask him what happened to Yara, and ask why he is still alive if he tried to help her, WHICH HE DIDN’T. He’s trash. Pure and utter trash. Fuck his PTSD. Fuck his castration. Fuck him. And they’re setting him up for this big, stupid redemption that he doesn’t deserve one little bit. He might be my most hated character in the history of the show, and that’s more than Joffrey and Ramsay. He’s the worst.

-We’ll go back to Dragonstone in a bit, but next, it’s off to the Citadel, where the Archmaester figures out that Sam treated Lord Friendzone and he’s all good to go now. Jorah thanks Sam and says that he hopes their paths cross again, which they obviously will, likely in Dragonstone. But Sam gets no love from the Archmaester, who orders him to make copies of these dirty-ass manuscripts, and he’s lucky he ain’t get fired. But Sam is smart and he’ll find something in those manuscripts. Something other than AIDS or the ‘scale. You could smell the stank comin’ off ’em through the screen.

-On to Winterfell, where Sansa realizes that they don’t have enough food for the winter. Littlefinger then goes on this little rant about fighting everyone and everything, not just Cersei. Jon gotta get back there or Winterfell will be ashes in Littlefinger’s pocket by the time he is done. However, they’re interrupted by someone telling Sansa that Bran is there. Bran is stone-faced as Sansa cries, and they head out to the Godswood Tree (I had no idea it had a name, I always called it the Face Tree). Anyway, Bran is all, “I’m The Three-Eyed Raven” and Sansa is all, I’ve no clue what the hell that means, and she wants him to explain it, but rightfully, Bran says it’s complicated and he doesn’t have time to be a Lord of anything. Then he says that he’s sorry about what happened to her, which is what happened on her wedding night with Ramsay, and Sansa is like, the fuck did you know about that, and runs off. Bran is a very strange little boy/young man/I’ve no idea how old he is anymore. Somewhere between 14 and 72. I can’t wait for him to drop the Jon/Dany bomb, that shit’s about to be SO GOOD.

-At King’s Landing, Euron leads Yara, Ellaria and Tyene through the streets, where they get the treament Cersei did on her Walk of Atonement. He takes his gift to Cersei, who in return makes him the Commander of the navy, while Jaime is the Commander of the army. Euron gets a couple bars off about needing tips from Jaime about how to have sex with Cersei, and Jaime says he should get his head out on a spike, but Euron says they’ll deal with each other later, which will be fun.

-Cersei is in a cell with Qyburn, FrankenMountain, Ellaria and Tyene, and Cersei goes on about Oberyn’s death, which she rightfully says would have been a win for him if he wasn’t tryna prematurely party. Then she goes on about Ellaria murdering Myrcella, and tries to figure out how she’s going to kill them. She could have FrankenMountain crush their skulls, but that would be too quick and easy. So instead, she kisses Tyene with the same poison that Ellaria killed Myrcella with, and she has to watch her daughter turn to bone and dust. She also says that they’ll force food down her throat so she doesn’t try to starve herself to death. That’s pretty awful…..but I was waiting for torture because Game Of Thrones has conditioned me to be an awful person. But hey, life goes on. Either way, it’s still pretty bad.

-Cersei and Jaime have the sex, because that’s what they do, dirtyin’ sheets and shit. Then Cersei meets up with Tycho, someone from the Iron Bank. Long story short, Cersei gets the Iron Bank (to whom the Lannisters already owe a grip to) to back her over Dany, who has killed the slave trade, which is one of their biggest revenue streams. Very Tywin-esque of Cersei and Tycho says as much. Cersei is becoming a little too smart. She’s gon’ die soon.

-OH, almost forgot about Varys and Melisandre, who tells Varys that she and Jon didn’t exactly leave on good terms. Varys says that he doesn’t think that she should come back to Westeros, but Melisandre says she’ll be back, she has to die there, as does Varys. Ominous and all, but a lot happened in this episode and I don’t have time to unpack all that.

-Quickly, back to Dragonstone, where Tyrion is plotting out how they’re gon’ take Casterly Rock. The place will be well-guarded, but the best way to go through is via the sewers, where Tyrion had to sneak in prostitutes past his father. And the plan works as the Unsullied go in and wreck shop, led by Grey Worm……but he’s like, where are the rest of the Lannisters? There should be many more…..

-…..Jaime wound up taking the squad to Highgarden, where they rolled over the Tyrells easily enough. Meanwhile, Euron and his people were firing all sorts of arrows and fire at the Targaryen ships that brought Grey Worm and ’em. Sucks about Grey Worm. Life got too good for my man with Missandei. He gotta die now.

-Jaime walks in on Lady O, who knows the end is coming. He learned from his loss to Robb Stark at the Whispering Wood, and that Casterly Rock doesn’t really mean that much anymore, outside of childhood memories. Lady O does get a couple bars off tho, managing to call Joffrey a cunt and a coward all at once, and she tells Jaime that Cersei is a monster, but she also realizes that he actually does love her, incest and all. She says that Cersei will be the end of him, and Jaime is like, fuck all this, I got this poison for you to drink so Cersei doesn’t torture you. She drinks it, but before he leaves, Lady O tells Jaime that it was her that killed Joffrey, that she had never seen the poison work before, and that it wasn’t Tyrion’s fault at all. She hit him with the, “and I want Cersei to know that it was me”…….OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH. I stood and clapped up in that mufucka. The Queen of Thorns stays with those quips. I’ma miss Lady O. Pound-for-pound, one of the best characters in the show.

Well, here we are. The next episode will be the halfway point, and Dany now needs to make a move because she’s getting worked. I think she realizes that, she’s been listening to everyone else and now, she’s doing what she want because motherfucker, she has dragons. We’ll probably check in on Arya, who should be close to Winterfell now, but she could also run into The Hound. Bran will probably say something creepy again. Cersei will be drinking wine and being nefarious. And Grey Worm gotta get his people outta Casterly Rock. I read somewhere that Game Of Thrones officially hit the gas with this episode. They were right. Let’s do this.

Game Of Thrones S06E10 – The Winds Of Winter

Well, after six damn seasons of Game Of Thrones, winter is finally here. But there was a fair amount of heat in the Season 6 finale, “The Winds Of Winter”, unequivocally one of the best episodes in the entire series and the name of the upcoming sixth book. Let’s go………

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-Um, let’s start with Sam and Gilly because this shit will be quick. They show up at Oldtown and walk up to the the maester’s version of the front desk, and much like any front desk you’ve ever been to, the receptionist is not here for any of Sam’s shit. He made Sam’s big ass stretch across that desk to give him the letter from Jon, saying he is supposed to be the new maester, and Mr. Receptionist was like, new Lord Commander? No Maester Aegon? WE DON’T BELIEVE YOU, YOU NEED MORE PEOPLE. But eventually, he lets Sam into the library, but not Gilly and Little Sam because Sam knew women and children weren’t allowed there. Anyway, Sam has to read like, three million books and he’s pretty psyched about it. Good for him. The fuck you gon’ do with Gilly and Little Sam?

-Let’s move up to the Twins, where Walder Frey is being full of himself as usual, partyin’ off their win over the Blackfish and the Tullys, while Bronn is gettin’ pissy with Jaime because all the women want him. Jaime, being the best wingman ever, calls over two women and Bronn is like, fuck it, I’ll take them, but first, he hit Jaime with the “not blond enough for you?” as both women had dark hair. It was obviously a shot at Jaime about Cersei, and really, Bronn is the only one who can get away with that shit. He has done it before, but what can Jaime say? Bronn has done a lot of shit for Jaime over these last six seasons. Then Jaime moves on Walder Frey, and basically says to him that the Lannisters don’t really need him if they have to ride up and save him every time he loses the Riverlands. He’s not wrong. Walder couldn’t have pulled off the Red Wedding without the Lannisters, and now this. That should have been the first sign for Walder to watch his back, ol’ pedo-ass bastard. But then, he’s chillin’ and in walks a girl that we saw in the previous scene, getting Jaime’s attention. Walder slaps her ass and says she’s too pretty to be one of his, and he asks for his sons. She was like, oh, your sons are right there, on ya mufuckin’ plate and that they were hard to carve up…..and bruh, she pulled off that mask…….ARYA. She says her full name again, completely throwing that “No One” shit in the bushes, and proceeds to slit his throat….and smiles at him. Does this make up for all the other shit that hasn’t happened for Arya this season? Not completely, but it damn sure helps. And this means that Arya is at Riverrun, so how did she get…..actually, you know what? Never mind. She’s there and that’s all that matters. Winterfell next? Maybe King’s Landing? She got that kill list to work on.

-Benjen drops Meera and Bran close to the Wall, right beside a weirwood tree, but Benjen can’t go past the Wall, which has magic or some shit that prevents him from going past it because technically, he’s dead. Sooooooooo…….does this mean the White Walkers and ’em can’t go past the Wall, either? How does that work? Anyway, we’ll figure that shit out later. Bran looks at the tree and was like, I ain’t warged in a minute and Meera is like, you better wake the fuck up when I grab you this time. He goes into his flashback, and it’s at the Tower of Joy, where we hear the screams of Lyanna Stark, and Ned goes on to see what’s up with his sister. She is lying in a pool of blood and whispers to Ned that well, she just had a baby and her father would kill her if she knew who the father was, and we can all safely assume that the father is Rhaegar Targaryen and book readers smugly stroked their chin upon this being revealed. To be fair to them, though, this is one of the theories that I’ve run across that wasn’t stupid, and it NEVER sat well with me that Ned had a bastard child when all we heard about was how honorable he was. Like, that was Ned’s THING, right until the end. But he came up with that story because Jon Snow would have been killed if anyone knew his father was Rhaegar was his father. So yes, Jon is part-Targaryen. He’d better learn to ride a dragon (remember, Rhaegar was Dany’s brother and fun fact, he was supposed to marry Cersei, but his father, the Mad King, said Cersei wasn’t good enough for him and that obviously pissed Tywin off. I could probably write another thousand words on how many people the Targaryens pissed off, and how not good that is for Dany……maybe later). That shit will come in handy.

-Speaking of Jon, he’s chillin’ with Melisandre when Davos bursts in the room and throws some shit at Melisandre, which turns out to be Shireen’s little wooden elk, which is some bullshit in the first place, but whatever. He forces her to tell Jon about the burning of Shireen at the stake, but Melisandre puts up a fight, saying that it was the Lord of Light, but also her parents as Stannis and whatever her mother’s name was were in on it, too. Davos is like, where did that get any of them, and Melisandre is like, shit….you’re not wrong. Jon asks is she has anything to say for herself and Melisandre counters with the fact that, well, she brought him back to life, and the great war is on the way and she’ll be useful to him, which is probably right. But Jon was raised by Ned and he does the honorable thing, which is to tell Melisandre to ride south and never come to the North again, or he’ll have her hanged as a murderer, while Davos is like, fuck all that, I’ll kill you my damn self. And I mean, I get it, killing Shireen was kinda fucked up. But she DID bring Jon Snow back and she probably will be able to help in the great war. She’s not done, we’ll see her again. For their sake, they better hope they see her again. But goddamn, Davos was mad as shit, come like they found a text on their significant other’s phone. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT……I don’t think we’ve ever heard him that mad. And now that I think about it….does he need to go to the Iron Bank and pay that debt for Stannis? That literally just popped into my head.

Jon meets with Sansa, who says that he should sleep in their parents’ old room, but Jon wants her to have it. She admits that not telling him about Littlefinger was the wrong thing to do, which is correct, because people were furious about that last week. Jon asks if she trusts Littlefinger, which she says she doesn’t and I think she knows better than that, but she needed him. Jon tells her they have to be honest with each other if they’re gon’ run Winterfell, but they’ll have this problem again. Oh, and they find out that winter is here through a white raven, and it’s just like their father told them as it’s the motto of House Stark and he it’s the name of the first episode of the series. It’s about damn time. Then Sansa meets with Littlefinger, who finally shoots his shot with her. He tried to kiss her and Sansa was like, nah, thanks for the army, tho. That’s some cold shit. He won’t take that lying down.

Later on, all the lords of the North have gathered and mufuckas are mad that the wildlings are there, but Tormund said they were invited. AND, did you not just see us out there fighting for your punk asses? We lost the last giant (#RIPWUNWUN) out here for y’all, which is all a true story. Jon then tells everyone that the great war is yet to be fought, and then there are some that still think Jon shouldn’t be in charge because he’s a bastard. But Lyanna Mormont steps up to the plate and all but started her speech with, “man, y’all some bitches”. She names all the houses that stopped fuckin’ with the Starks after the Red Wedding, and people that wouldn’t fight the Boltons with him. Where has this little girl been this entire series? I feel cheated that we’re just now gettin’ these Lyanna bars. And y’all are some bitches because you’re getting run by a 10-year-old that has just 62 fightin’ mufuckas….well, um, probably not 62 after last week. I wonder how many of them survived? I’d guess not many. Anyway, they all declare Jon the King Of the North and everyone is chanting, but Sansa looks in the back and Littlefinger is NOT happy because he thinks that’s his spot. So keep an eye on that because if there is one thing we know, it is that Littlefinger won’t stop until he gets what he wants. And he has an army that is probably bigger than Jon’s. But it’s nice to see the Starks taking a W or two after six entire seasons of Ls.

-Aight, NOW, on to the good stuff. The episode starts with everyone getting ready for the trials of Cersei and Loras. It is a very slow and deliberate beginning, and and very detailed, starting with the little kid who whispers something Pycelle as he is getting ready to go, and after he doesn’t pay a prostitute, and you can never trust someone who does that. Loras is brought out of his cell and I assume he’s not making it out of this episode, but instead of a trial, Loras confessed to everything, like, a whole buncha shit. I was waiting for buggery, but no buggery, I think he just used a different name for it. Anyway, he says that he’s done with his Tyrell name, he’ll never have kids, yada yada yada, but that’s not enough as the Sparrows carve that star into his head and Margaery is PISSED. The High Sparrow ain’t pressed tho, and he’s like, these things happen. He also said that Loras wouldn’t be released until Cersei’s trial, but she won’t leave the Red Keep, so he sends Lancel to get her. Of course, Cersei is chillin’ with her wine, mentally tellin’ mufuckas what they ain’t gon’ do today, and when Tommen goes to head to the trial, he’s greeted by FrankenMountain, and that’s when you knew it was about to be ON. Then you have Pycelle, who follows that kid under the Sept into a room with Qyburn, who says that he has no ill will towards Pycelle….but apparently this gang of little kids do. They stabbed the shit outta Pycelle, b. That has to be a record for most times one person has been stabbed in this show.

Margaery knows something is going on with Cersei and Tommen not being there, and says there is some sort of trap, but the High Sparrow is arrogant and was like, meh, it’ll be fine. So Margaery is like, fuck this, and tries to leave, but the Sparrows hold her back. Meanwhile, no one is looking for Lancel, who has followed another kid under the Red Keep, and then the kid stabs him in the spine. He gets to crawling, and it seemed like that dude was on the ground for hours, and he’s crawling, and he’s crawling…and then he discovers the wildfire that they’ve mentioned like, three times in the most recent episodes (I called it firewater in my notes, I was close). He sees a candle and does everything he can to get there to put it out, but he doesn’t get there in time and BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM……down goes the Sept, the High Sparrow, Margaery and Loras, the Faith Militant, EVERYONE. We have two points of view here: one is Cersei, who is smirking with what might be her third glass of wine, and then there is Tommen…..who stares out of the window in disbelief, takes his crown off, we hear him sit it down, and then back to the window and doesn’t even hesitate, just walks the fuck out. So there is the prophecy; it was foretold that Cersei’s kids would all die. I don’t know if her having anything to do with it was in there, but they’re gone.

AND THEN, Cersei walks in a room where the big-ass nun is strapped to a table, and she is telling the nun to confess, and pouring wine all over her face. You KNOW Cersei hates you if she’s wasting wine on you. Cersei then confesses to killing her husband and fucking her brother and doing all sorts of shit on the strength of feeling good, and the nun is like fuck it, I’m ready to die, I’m good. But no, no, no, Cersei ain’t ready for that yet….she brings in FrankenMountain, who takes off his mask, and we don’t know what he is doing to her as Cersei leaves, but we hear the blood-curdling screams and it surely can’t be good for ol’ nun, and Cersei walks off repeating “Shame, Shame”, because she’s Queen Petty.

However, a damper is put on the party when Qyburn tells Cersei that Tommen is dead, and she’s like, welp, burn him and put him with his grandfather, brother and sister, and it’s there that hits Cersei, her whole damn family is dead….all she has left is Jaime. No mention of Robert, tho, which isn’t surprising. But Jaime’s reaction is the best as he and Bronn return from Riverrun with King’s Landing burning, and he’s like, fuck, what did she do now. He walks in just in time to see Cersei being crowned Queen of the Seven Kingdoms by Qyburn, and yo…….CERSEI IS ON THE FUCKIN’ THRONE. The season is a success for me because I just wanted Cersei to get revenge and then die, but to put her on the throne? Something that she tried to run with Robert, then killed him, then her sons, and that didn’t work out. But she should be careful because the Iron Throne isn’t really the place to be if you want to live. And besides, Cersei’s plans ALWAYS backfire, so it’s only a matter of time before that shit comes crashing down. However. The Revenge of Cersei is complete and the High Sparrow is dead, so I’m good.

-Quickly, we stopped in Dorne where Ellaria had called Lady O for a meeting, and Lady O is not in the mood for anything. She needs some backup as she blames Cersei for the deaths of Margaery and Loras, and rightly so, oh, and her son, their father, also died at the Sept. Ellaria is all about some Lannister vengeance, but not before Lady O cusses out all three of the Sand Snakes for no reason other than they exist. I love that lady. No one makes some feel small better than Lady O, them bars cut like a knife. But then Varys is revealed, and I’ll tell you what I think that is all about in the next section. So that’s where he was going, but wouldn’t tell Tyrion.

-Finally, we end in Meereen, where Dany breaks up with Daario, which kinda came outta nowhere, but I was okay with it. He is to stay there with the Second Sons and make sure Meereen is smooth, and he’s on some “please baby baby please” shit, but Dany is like, nah, I got shit to do. She tried him as a piece, and it was lowkey hilarious to see the shoe on the other foot, far different from what we’re used to seeing in, well, 90% of television shows outchea. And he’s mad at Tyrion, who is sitting outside and waiting for Dany to see how Daario took the news (meh, he was fine, probably went to a brothel).

Tyrion tries to console her, but Dany is more worried that she doesn’t feel anything about it. The two sit down and talk about what they believe in, and Tyrion didn’t believe in anything, but he believes in her and I’m not going through the shit word for word, but I wouldn’t be surprised if both Emilia Clarke and Peter Dinklage used this as their Emmy scene (even though neither of them should win). Just the way it was shot, with them in the frame and the window behind them….this is the shit we’ve been building towards and what I’ve been waiting for since Tyrion got to Meereen. He even said it: she has ships, an army, some big-ass dragons….only one thing left to do. As I mentioned before, the Targaryens aren’t liked in King’s Landing, but who cares….she has all of the aforementioned things. Anyway, Dany makes Tyrion the Hand of the Queen and he kneels, but hey, he has been the Hand before. We close with Yara and Theon and the Iron Fleet (and I assume Euron is building, what, ship #17 of 1,000 at this point), and then Dany, Missandei, Tyrion and Varys on another ship, with Drogon up above. Dany is FINALLY going to Westeros, and she better not make any damn stops along the way. And yeah, Varys…..he got back in time (don’t worry about how long it took for all this, Dorne is kinda close to Meereen and that shit doesn’t mean anything in this show). So he’s aligning Dany and ’em with Dorne and Highgarden against the Lannisters? Tyrion won’t mind, although he’ll do his best to save Jaime, which isn’t likely considering that, you know, he kinda killed Dany’s father. And yo, whatever happen to Melisandre #2, that knew all about Varys’ past and had him shook?

And that was that. The end to Season 6, which might be just after Season 4 for my favorite season, and this was one of the best episodes of the series, hands down. I’m fine with there being fewer episodes in the season (there are seven slated for next season) if they’re going to be longer, and if they’re all this good. I’m not even gon’ speculate on what will happen next season, I’ma let this season marinate and we’ll deal with all that shit over the next ten months, which seems like a long time, but we’ll get through it.

Season 6 MVP: Lena Headey as Cersei. Honorable mention for Sophie Turner as Sansa. I wanted it to be Maisie Williams as Arya, but that storyline dragged for a while.

Thanks for reading and making this the most fun I’ve had since starting this blog, and I haven’t figured out what’s next yet. But whatever it is, it won’t be as fun as Game Of Thrones, the king of television right now.

Game Of Thrones S06E07 -The Broken Man

“The Broken Man” brought back an old friend to Game Of Thrones. And by friend, I meant “character that was a horrible person, but I was a fan”, which could extend to probably 85% of the characters on this show. Let’s go……

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-I guess we’ll start with that as there was a scene before the opening credits, which has happened, I don’t know, maybe two or three times in the past……the only time I can remember off-hand is the premiere of Season 4, when Tywin Lannister was melting down Ned Stark’s sword into two swords (the name of the episode is “Two Swords”, if you’re wondering). Anyway, we follow a man, watching people tryna get a village started up. I was racking my brain tryna think of who the leader was, and it’s Ian McShane, who I guess you would know from Deadwood, which I’ve never seen and probably never will. I’m sure it’s a fine show, and it was one of HBO’s first BIG shows, but I don’t give nary damn about a western, so I’ll take y’all word for it. Anyway, we pan past all his people and we see the Hound, who I would like to think, no one thought he was dead…..right? Anyway, this whole episode was about Ian McShane, whose name was Brother Ray, apparently, telling us how he saved the Hound and that the gods weren’t done with him yet, and that he’d already been punished for the foul shit he did.

Then later on, some men roll up on horses and I had no idea who they were, but they were from the Brotherhood Without Banners. They had their eyes on the Hound, but they left and the Hound told Ian McShane they’d be back. So he left to go and chop wood, but he was so focused on that wood that he missed the slaughter of an entire village. He ain’t have no headphones on or nothing, just didn’t hear all of the death and destruction that was going on, shit, couldn’t have been that far away. At the end of it, Ian McShane had been hung and the Hound grabs an axe like, shit, y’all turned me BACK into a killer. Ian McShane had said that it’s not too late to change your ways, and he obviously had to die because he doesn’t know this world at all. Game Of Thrones isn’t a show where people change for good….eventually, you go back to being what you are. If you don’t, you’ll probably die. Anyway, the Brotherhood have long had beef with the Hound and his brother (they wanted to execute the latter and they took the Hound in Season 3), who is now FrankenMountain and you would think that the beef is over. As Brynden Tully says later, “as long as I’m breathing, the war is never over”. That shit must be EXHAUSTING. Anyway, I’ll be clear: it was the Brotherhood that did this.

Ol’ boy was going to TOWN on that firewood, tho. Good grief.

-On to King’s Landing, where Margaery is a regular church-goer now, reciting passages to the High Sparrow like she has been doing this her whole life. The High Sparrow (who looks like he has at least washed his face now) asks her why she hadn’t slept with Tommen yet and that they need an heir, and if I’m Margaery, I’m like, the fuck is this WE shit? Shit changes tho, when the High Sparrow is like, you need to convert your grandmother or else, her safety would be in trouble….body and soul. Usually, the High Sparrow is a little more clever with his threats, but he obviously feels himself right now and he might as well had just came out and said, we gon’ kill her if she doesn’t fly right. So Margaery gets Lady O to come visit her, with the Septa taking time out of shaming people and whacking them in jail cells to supervise the meeting. Lady O gets some jokes off as she’s known to do, and then tries to figure what was up with Margaery, who does a masterful job of acting like she’s Team Sparrow, but as she convinces Lady O to leave, she slips a note in her hand mad slick-like. Lady O doesn’t say shit, she takes the note and leaves, and the note has a rose on it, which is the sigil of the Tyrells.

But the main event is Cersei, who takes FrankenMountain with her as she goes to see Lady O off, and man……….WOOOOOOOOOOOO. Lady O spent her remaining screen time in this episode just spittin’ those BARS at Cersei, blaming the shit all on her, telling her that she remembers that smile Cersei hit when Loras and Margaery were captured, that Cersei might die outchea in these streets because she’s surrounded by enemies and that Cersei’s defeat is the only good thing to come from all this. Shit was so venomous…..and the best part is that Cersei couldn’t say shit because all of it is true. Like…..ALL of it. I still need Cersei to get this revenge, but she has to die immediately after that. Such is life in the world of Game Of Thrones.

-Move on to Riverrun, where Jaime and Bronn are marching on his orders to take it back from Brynden Tully, better known as the Blackfish. It’s always fun to have Jaime and Bronn together because funny and sarcastic Jaime is the best Jaime. When he gets with Cersei, she brings him down and that works for her, but not him. They get to Riverrun and the Freys are tryna get Blackfish outta the castle, bringing out Edmure Tully, threatening to hang him and then stab him. Blackfish is like, man, g’head, I don’t even like that dude. And they don’t even do anything. Jaime is disgusted and tells them all to kick rocks, and even backhands a mufucka to let ’em know it’s real. He sets up a meeting with Blackfish and tells him that all will be good if he gives up the castle, but Blackfish says he has two years worth of food and is ready to die for this, and he asks Jaime if he has two years before walking away. Goddamn, that’s thorough.

So I guess Jaime will lead the crew to the doors, and then Brienne comes outta nowhere, since Sansa sent her down there in the first place? That reunion is about to be GOOD. And Bronn might get jealous as he thought he was Jaime’s #1 road dog, but he DOES NOT want those problems with Brienne. But that’s my guess.

-Quick stop in with Theon and Yara, who after making their getaway from the Iron Island, they stopped at a brothel, which could be a buffet of Theon dick jokes if you wanted. Shit, Yara made a couple and Theon was like, man, come on, and she was like, fine. But she made him drink ale and basically told him that if he’s going to roll with her, he needs to suck it up and for lack of a better phrase, get some balls about him (although he might still have those….y’all know what the fuck I mean). The title of the episode, I think, is about Theon, who has been broken down as much as anyone in this show (it could also be about the Hound, I guess). And besides, she needs him because Yara’s plan is to holla at Dany and team up because she has the ships, and Dany has everything else. She was one of many that heard Euron’s plan and was like, that’s not half bad. I hope she goes about it better than he is planning on doing.

-Up in the North, Jon, Sansa and Davos are going around, tryna find troops to fight the Boltons. They get the wildlings on board because as Tormund says, yo, he ACTUALLY DIED because the Night’s Watch didn’t want them there. Also, Ramsay will kill them after they kill the Night’s Watch, which is true. They go to House Mormont, which is now led by Lyanna Mormont (named after Sansa’s aunt, Ned’s sister and the center of a thousand theories that I don’t care about), who is 10 years old and a feisty little queen, but I suppose to have to be. She shoots down Jon and Sansa, who try to butter her up, but then Davos steps up with a monster of a speech that basically says, for all of this shit, none of it matters because the White Walkers are coming and we’ll have your back then if you have ours now. Lyanna says cool, and as soon as she was done, I thought to myself, this shit is about to be for 100 fighting men. I was optimistic about that…..they have 62 men. But hey, 62 is better than none, and certainly better than what they received at House Glover, who hit them with that “NOAP” and he only let them in because of Ned’s name. Also, Robb Stark didn’t help them when the Iron rolled through and crushed their buildings, so yeah, fuck ’em. Aye dogg, the game is the game. Sansa wants to hold off on attacking Winterfell and Jon is like, nah, we gotta do it now. So we end with Sansa, writing a letter to someone. My money is on Littlefinger, who did say that he had people to back up Sansa if need be and while Sansa threatened his life last time they spoke, at this point, she doesn’t have much of a choice.

-And finally, we get to Braavos, where Arya is tryna figure out a way to get outta there. She bribes a sailor and the plan is to leave at dawn, and she’s walking away and smiling, and we all got a feeling in the pit of our stomachs, didn’t we? And as soon as that old woman approached her, we all knew how this was going down, right? The old woman turns into the Waif and stabs Arya like, 4 or 5 times in the gut, and Arya shoves her away and falls over a bridge into a river. The Waif walks away, which doesn’t seem like something she would do, and Arya pops up out of the water. She manages to get back to the streets, where she is stumbling around and holding her stomach, and I’m like, yo, can SOMEONE fuckin’ help this little bleeding girl or nah? Braavos is a shitty, shitty place, bruh. At this point, I just want Arya to get outta there, go back and get that revenge later, but right now, you ain’t built for this. And what’s with the Waif carrying a nail file to a fight? That knife was little as shit.

So, we have three episodes left in Season 6 and this was a solid episode, directed by Mark Mylod, who did “The High Sparrow” and “Sons Of The Harpy” from Season 5. He’ll direct next week’s as well, which is called “No One”, so Arya is about to be featured. I’m also waiting on the riot/party/fight in Riverrun with Jaime, Bronn, Brienne and Blackfish, and Cersei’s trial by combat with the FrankenMountain might be up next week. We’ll probably check in with Dany, who I fuckin’ hope gets to Meereen soon, and that means Tyrion, Varys and new Melisandre. And do we even care about Dorne anymore? I’m good if we never see it again. Anyway, three to go, so let’s enjoy these Game Of Thrones joints.

Game Of Thrones S06E06 – Blood Of My Blood

I bet a lot of y’all had to pull the Wiki up for “Blood Of My Blood”, the beginning of the second half of Game Of Thrones. Bringing back characters from five years ago? I can’t remember what I had for dinner two days ago. Let’s go………..

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-Let’s start where we left off last week, with Meera dragging Bran’s vision-havin’ ass through the snow away from all the wights and the White Wakers. Shoutout to Hodor keeping them at bay long enough that they got a decent headstart, because they were surprisingly far enough from the Raven Cave. Meera would be a Crossfit master, I bet. While this is happening, Bran is having all sorts of visions, ones of the Mad King yelling “burn them all!”, the Red Wedding, the battle at Hardhome, the Iron Throne and I think Jaime was in there, maybe Cersei, too. Eventually, she gets tired and collapses as the cold-zombie gang (thanks, Milli) showed up and lo and behold, dude comes outta nowhere on a horse and starts whippin’ ass, and throws Bran and Meera on his horse to escape. When they get a safe place, which I still don’t get because as the man himself says, “the dead don’t stop” (or something along those lines), Meera asks why he helped them as the man is cracking open a rabbit head and pouring the blood out. He says he was sent by the Three-Eyed Raven who lives again, which wakes up Bran out of his trance. Then he takes off his mask and Bran sees its his uncle Benjen, who we haven’t seen since Jon got to the Wall in Season 1. You might not recognize him because, well, it was back in Season 1, and his face is probably more blue than you remember. That’s because, he says, he was stabbed by a White Walker, but the Children of the Forest saved him with their magic, so he’s only part-wight, I would assume the good part, though. He tells Bran that he’s the Three-Eyed Raven now and he has to take on the White Walkers. If Bran is gon’ do this, he has to learn to control this whole vision-havin’ shit. Hodor is gone, bruh, and Meera can’t be carryin’ you around on this sled. Anyway, cool scene and reintroduces Benjen back to the story, although there is probably more to it than he says. And back to Bran’s visions, I think that’s the first time we’ve ever seen the Mad King. There should be a webseries on how mad he is, featuring the Mad Rapper.

-Sam and Gilly are on their way to Horn Hill, where Sam grew up, and Sam says they should tell his family that Little Sam is his son, and that she can’t tell anyone he is a wildling because his pops hates wildlings. Gilly is asking a lot of questions, and I feel like she needs to just fall back and do what needs to be done to get this roof and this food. We meet Sam’s moms and his sister, who tries to tell Sam that she’s supposed to marry someone or other, but her moms tells her to be quiet. Later at dinner, they’re eating and Sam tells his father that the plan is to become a maester and go back to Castle Black. His father proceeds to just destroy him, calling him fat and all sorts of shit, and Gilly steps up, telling him that Sam killed a White Walker, which gives away the fact that Sam met her further north of the Wall. His father, Randyll, continues to berate them and his wife, Melessa, gets up to leave because well, her husband is an asshole. She takes her daughter (Talla) and Gilly, while Randyll tells Sam that Gilly can stay and work in the kitchen, and Little Sam will be a bastard, but Sam gotta go. Sam apologizes to Gilly later and tries to leave, but he turns around and is like, nah, we all goin’. But as they prepare to leave, he takes Heartsbane, a Valyrian sword that belongs to his family. That sword is big as shit, like, Brienne-sized. Sam might need to make a Bran-sled to carry that shit. But I bet it’ll come in handy at some point.

-Over in King’s Landing, Tommen and the High Sparrow are talking about Margaery’s Walk of Atonement, and Tommen goes to see her. Margaery is surprisingly not bitter at the High Sparrow and kinda admitting to all these sins, including not being a good queen to the poor,, and Tommen is like, uh, I didn’t expect that at all….but he kinda fucks with it. That being said, I think something is up because Margaery is her grandmother’s granddaughter. Mace Tyrell is bringing the troops to the city, where they meet up with Jaime. They get to the Great Sept, where Margaery is about to walk the streets, but everyone is there, including Lady O, who is just fanning herself all elegantly, but with the stankest look on her face because well, the streets probably smell awful. Look at all the dirty mufuckas waiting for Margaery to make that walk. Dicks were already out, mufuckas had poop in their hands, ready to throw. But there is Jaime, telling the High Sparrow to let Margaery and Loras go or it’s gon’ be a fight, and the High Sparrow replies that his crew is ready to die like Biggie, and they wanna die, which is kinda fucked, but look at this guy. Then he says that the Walk has been cancelled and the citizens are like, WELL WHY DO I HAVE FECES IN MY HAND? Then Tommen walks out with his guards to join the High Sparrow and Margaery, and tells everyone that the throne and the faith are now a power couple. Jaime doesn’t know what’s going on, and neither does Mace, but Lady O said that they’re beaten. Shit gets worse as Tommen strips Jaime of the Kingsguard, even though Jaime has been doing this since before he was born, and if I were Jaime, I’d just blurt, BITCH, I’M YOUR FATHER. Tommen then tells Jaime that he’ll be moving away from King’s Landing in lieu of not having to go to the dungeons or anything like that. I don’t know why they didn’t just roll through the Sparrows. They have batons; y’all have swords. Although I suppose the Kingsguard is now aligned with them. Man……Tommen might be the worst king of them all, and that’s saying a whole helluva lot for Game Of Thrones. Someone asked me if it’s a good thing that the king and the High Sparrow are joining forces. I haven’t watched five-plus seasons of this shit for the High Sparrow to be runnin’ anything. And shoutout to whoever it was on Twitter that called that dude “Dirty Bernie Sanders” (I tried to find it on Twitter and you’d be surprised at how many tweets contain those three words, but not in this context and that is a conversation for another day). That shit was GREAT.

So Jaime runs to Cersei because he doesn’t wanna go and help Walder Frey take back Riverrun as Tommen has commanded, and he wants to find Bronn to get a crew together and kill the High Sparrow. Cersei tells him that he’ll be dead before that happened and that would ruin everything, so he should go to Riverrun and flex that Lannister muscle. Jaime continues to sulk and says that he wants to be there for her trial, but Cersei say that it’s a trial by combat and she has FrankenMountain, so she’s good……so obviously, he’s gon’ die. How do you kill a monster that is already dead? I have a feeling we’re about to find out. Anyway, they kiss and I keep forgetting about the incest

-Arya is watching the rest of the play, and we get there as fake Tyrion is poisoning fake Joffrey. She is laughing and as I’ve heard from a couple podcasts over the week, this is probably the first that Arya is hearing about any of this. But she does feel some kinda way about fake Cersei, who is quite sad about her son dying, but Arya has a job and that is to kill her, so she goes backstage (security SUCKS at these plays) and gets caught by Lady Crane. She talks to Lady Crane and the two kinda get along, and Arya suggest to her that the real Cersei wouldn’t be sad, she would want revenge, which is absolutely not wrong. Lady Crane takes her suggestion to the writer of the play, who is basically like, fuck your opinion, and as Lady Crane goes to drink the poison Arya put into her rum, Arya knocks it out of her hand and tells her that her understudy, Bianca, wants her dead. This was alluded to last week, and this week as Lady Crane was reciting her line, and you see Bianca offstage, mouthing the same lines. But while all this is going on, the Waif sees everything…..who in the fuck is running security at these plays? Can anyone walk in the back? Anyway, the Waif runs to tell Jaqen and says Arya wasn’t ready and needs to die, and Jaqen says not to allow her to suffer. Meanwhile, Arya goes to get Needle and goes to sleep, although she has to know that there is no sleep and something is about to happen. Good, because this storyline needs to end soon and I can’t WAIT For Arya to fuck ol’ girl up.

-Walder Frey is back in the house as we haven’t seen him since shortly after the Red Wedding. His sons tell him that Brynden has taken Riverrun, and he chastises them for losing him at the Red Wedding in the first place; Brynden was the one that went outside to pee right before the doors closed on Robb and Catelyn. There are also a couple more houses that are going against the Freys, along with the Brotherhood Without Banners, who are basically a rebel army for the people that was kinda created by Ned Stark back in the day. But Walder tells them that he has a plan, and that plan is to bring out Edmure Tully, who Frey has had since the Red Wedding, which was Edmure’s wedding to Roslin Frey. The plan is to trade Edmure for Riverrun, but we all know Walder is a dick and has no intentions of living up to this deal. This is the same dude that killed the Starks after sharing his food and his house with him, so yeah, he gives not a single, solitary fuck about honor. I thought it was Crastor, Gilly’s FatherBabyDaddy, because he slapped that little girl in the ass, but I was corrected that it wasn’t. I can’t keep all the incest and pedophilia straight on this show.

-Finally, Dany, Daario and her new-old-new army of Dothraki are walking through the desert, and Dany is wondering how many ships she’ll need to get everyone back to Westeros. This includes the Dothraki, the Unsullied, the Second Sons, Tyrion, Varys, Melisandre Part 2 and her crew that Dany doesn’t even know she has yet, all of Bad Boy AND Death Row Records, all them mufuckas. Daario is like, about a thousand, so basically however many ships Euron Greyjoy plans on building. Then, Dany tells Daario to chill, she gotta go see something, and she takes a while, and Daario is like, I’m go get her. But he stops when he sees a big-ass shadow, and then you hear the shriek……DRAGON SHRIEK. Dany comes in flying on Drogon’s back, but I’m wondering if Dany fed the horse to Drogon? She left on a white horse and comes back on a mufuckin’ dragon. Anyway, she gives the Dothraki a rousing speech and says that the entire khalasar are her bloodriders, instead of the usual trio. The Dothraki are ready to ride for Dany and roll through the armies of the Seven Kingdoms, and yes, Dany, we’re ready, too. But we’ve heard this before. Stop fuckin’ around and go get this throne.

“Blood Of My Blood” was a fine episode, probably not the strongest of the season, but it sets up for the next four episodes. Benjen probably has to help Bran do more Raven training, while Brynden is about to be brought into a lot of shit with the Freys hollerin’ at him, and the Sansa/Jon army will be coming, too. Dany is about to fall ass backwards into a shitload of ships one way or another. And oh yeah, I won’t say it here, but you can find the remaining episode titles on the internet. Episode 9, bruh…..episode 9.

Four more to go……….

Game Of Thrones S06E04 – Book Of The Stranger

I bet y’all were pretty excited for this episode of Game Of Thrones. I was initially as well. And as always, it was a great episode. But some of your favorites, one in particular, I’m not really impressed with what they pulled off in “Book Of The Stranger”. Let’s go.

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-Let’s start at the Vale, where we get the return of Littlefinger, and he is greeted by Robin Arryn, who would still be breastfeeding as a teenager if Littlefinger ain’t push his mother out the moon door. Littlefinger accuses Lord Yohn Royce (thank you, GOT Wikia, because I ain’t know this dude’s name at all) of snitching on Sansa’s location to the Boltons, and after giving Robin a pet falcon for his birthday (good luck tryna tame that, homie), he puts Royce’s life on the line. Robin suggests the moon door for Royce, and Littlefinger knows that he can suggest anything and Robin will listen, so instead, he gets Royce to pledge his loyalty to House Arryn in exchange for not dying. Then Littlefinger suggests to Robin that they rally the troops and head to the Wall, where Sansa has probably hollered at Jon, and Robin’s dumb ass is like, sure, bruh. Littlefinger is so underrated. How many major plots has he been behind without anyone knowing? He might be the most ambitious character in Game Of Thrones….and now he has an army. Shoutout to him knowing where Sansa would go, too.

-Up at the Wall, Edd is tryna persuade Jon to stay on as Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch, but Jon is like, nah, it said that if I gave my life, my watch has ended…..mufuckas ain’t say shit about coming back to life, and loopholes are a bitch, ain’t they? But just then, the gates open for Sansa, Brienne and Pod, and when Sansa and Jon see each other, it’s pretty dope since they’ve both been through a lot. But, that being said, Sansa admits she was awful to Jon when they were children because he was a bastard. That’s why he is hesitant when Sansa unfurls her plan to take back Winterfell from the Boltons, using the wildlings. Jon is like, well, one, I’ve killed a buncha people and I’m tired, and two, you were really an asshole to me growing up. He didn’t even like Winterfell; he volunteered to go to the Night’s Watch if I remember correctly. So why in the hell should he help Sansa? Because he’s Jon Snow and honorable and all that bullshit. And you know that he will, so don’t be pressed. And it happens later as Ramsay sends a letter to the Wall, telling Jon that he has Rickon in a dungeon and if Sansa isn’t returned to him, he’s killing the wildlings, let his boys run trains on Sansa, and feeding Rickon to the dogs. I wonder if Ramsay has a ghostwriter, because those bars he dropped were fearsome, yet elegant, and he kept hittin’ Jon with that “bastard” like he was Cam’ron, ending each bar with the same word (just trust me on this one, shoutout to Dip Set). So obviously, Sansa convinces Jon to roll out with the wildlings and ask some people around the North as there are about 2,000 of them, and about 5,000 of Ramsay. So your favorite, Jon Snow, will be the one to take down Ramsay. Which is fine. He obviously isn’t going to die again. Special honorable mention in this scene is Tormund, eatin’ chicken and lookin’ at Brienne with fuck-me eyes and Brienne is so uncomfortable that she might fight him….then they’ll end up having all of the sex. And we’ll see it, too. I’ll watch it, too. That shit will be good and gross.

Then there is Davos talking to Melisandre, who says that she’ll listen to only Jon, and she won’t tell him what happened to Shireen because, yeah Davos, Stannis sacrificed ya little buddy. But Brienne rolls up on them to say that she remembers Renly being killed by Melisandre’s vagina shadow monster (you come up with a better name for it), that she doesn’t forgive or forget, and she killed Stannis after he admitted to killing Renly with blood magic. Melisandre better at least let Brienne get some before she brings out the VSM again.

-Quickly, in the Iron Islands, Theon finds his way back to Yara, who is grieving their father, and she goes on him about how she brought men to get him away from Ramsay and they died. Theon says that he was broken into a thousand pieces, and he’s right, and she thinks that he wants to come back and claim the throne. Theon might want it eventually, but not right now, and that he’s willing to help her take the throne. Meh. They’ll probably end up helping Jon against Ramsay. They better or they don’t really serve much of a purpose.

-Speaking of our lovable Ramsay, he calls for Osha, ol’ girl that was riding with Rickon. He’s peeling an apple, and you should just assume that something is happening in his scene. She talks shit about the Starks, and tries to seduce Ramsay by straddling him and putting her hand down his pants, and Ramsay plays along, but he tells her that she pulled this shit with Theon to get Bran and Rickon out of Winterfell. She tries to stab him with a knife and he gets her first, stabbing her in the neck. Point of this scene? If you ain’t know by now, Ramsay Bolton ain’t playin’. Also, if you didn’t know that by now, you should just stop watching Game Of Thrones.

-Let’s hit King’s Landing. That big-ass nun opens Margaery’s cell and takes her to the High Sparrow, and Margaery wants to see Tommen and her family, but he’s like, NAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. He tells her some story about when he used to party and sin, and I bet he was buck wild when he partied, doing lines off strippers and shit. He came to some awakening while this was happening and found the Faith of the Seven, and I blanked out when he was speaking, once again. But he is impressed that she knows the Book of the Stranger, which sounds like a sex move, and takes her to see her brother Loras, who is just a damn mess. Margaery tries to tell him to be strong and he’s like, nah, bruh, we gotta make this stop. That’s all he kept saying. What in the hell are they doing to him?

Then we head over to the Red Keep, where Cersei finds Pycelle with Tommen, and he wants Tommen to give in to the High Sparrow. Cersei ain’t about that at all and gets Pycelle outta here, and he slowly shuffles outta the room, staring at Cersei the whole way. That shuffle was good, bruh. That’s how I figure I’ll be moving when I get that age. Anyway, Tommen says he talked to the High Sparrow and Cersei was like, dammit, they got to him, and she’s like, nah, you’re the King, they humiliated your mother and your wife is next. We gotta go at his head. Then Cersei, with Jaime, heads over to the Small Council, where Uncle Kevan and Lady O are chillin’, and it’s all fun and games partyin’ on Cersei until she tells them that Margaery is next for the walk of atonement, and yo…..if you have it recorded, or you can find it, just pause it when the camera switches to Lady O. I swear to God, she wanted to take her earrings off and be like, not my damn grandbaby, OH HELL NO. So they convince her to get her big-ass army, come in and roll over the Sparrows while the Baratheon/Lannister armies sit back and chill. Cersei also reminds Uncle Kevan that the Sparrows took Lancel, his son, Cersei’s cousin and our introduction to the Sparrows. So now, Cersei has the Tyrell army and FrankenMountain. GODDAMN, A LOTTA PEOPLE ARE ABOUT TO DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE.

-Meereen is next, and Tyrion is backed up by Grey Worm and Missandei, meeting with the Masters of Yunkai, Astapor and Volantis. Grey Worm wants to fight, but yo, we saw y’all against the Sons of the Harpys last season; for being such great fighters, y’all let a buncha cilivians punk you, bruh. But Tyrion suggests that, maybe, they ease the abolishing of slavery, giving the Masters seven years to get out of the game. Missandei and Grey Worm aren’t really happy about this, they do put on a united front with Tyrion, who also gives women to the Masters to persuade them. I’m not really sure what Tyrion’s plan is here, and it seems like a really bad move. But again, dragons listen to him, so if push comes to shove, he has that. They all just need to get outta there, I’m getting pretty tired of Meereen.

-Finally, we’re in Vaes Dothrak, where Jorah and Daario figure out where Dany is. Daario is tryna make jokes about how Dany picked him, and Jorah is like, man, we ain’t got time for that petty shit right now. I think the old Daario could pull off not being a dickbutt…..this dude, I’m just waiting for him to die. Jorah convinces him to leave his weapons outside because you can’t carry weapons in the city, but just then, Daario sees the Greyscale infection on Jorah’s arm. Jorah says he’s fine and it hasn’t touched Daario, but I bet Daario will stop being petty now. So they sneak into the city at night and two Dothraki see them. Jorah tries to lie and say they’re merchants, but they just end up killing them because Jorah is a terrible liar. They even smash one dude’s head with a rock to make it seem like they didn’t bring it weapons, but I don’t think that really makes a difference. Cover your bases, tho, I guess.

Dany is chillin’ with the rest of the Khal widows, and the High Priestess is tryna talk to Dany, who doesn’t really care and excuses herself to go pee. She gets an escort, a lhazareen (not super important) whose khal died when she was 16. But they’re met by Jorah and Daario, who put a knife to her throat, but Dany is like, nah, calm down, she’s with me, she’s good. They want her to leave, but Dany knows that they probably won’t make it out alive, so she has a plan. Then there is the khalar vezhven, which is basically where all the khals meet to talk about stuff, and they’re tryna figure out what to do with her. A couple of them want to use her as a rape toy because that’s kinda what they do. Some want to make her their khaleesi, and some want to ransom her to the Wise Masters, who have a price on her head. Then Dany pipes up with, what about what I want, and they all look at her like she put an algebraic formula up on a blackboard, like, what do you mean? The Dothraki aren’t really here for the feelings of women; they lock them up in a temple when their khal dies, for fuck sakes. So Dany tells them that she doesn’t think any of them are fit to lead the Dothraki, but she is. They all laugh and the one that found her, Moro, says that she will indeed become a rape toy for not only the khals, but their bloodriders and then, their horses. Dany looks at him like, “O RLY”, and puts her hand in the middle, like, a torch or something (it’s called a brazier, it holds hot coals). She proceeds to burn the entire place down, and the place goes up fast as shit. Rod from The Black Guy Who Tips had the tweet of the night: “What the fuck? Is this place made of gasoline?” (y’all should check out the TBGWT podcast recaps for Game Of Thrones. They come out every Wednesday and they’re the best). She looks Moro dead in his eyes before throwing the last brazier on him, and everyone starts running towards the temple outside. Then, out comes naked Dany (no, I don’t know if it was a body double and I honestly don’t care. It’s the internet. I can see titties any time I want. Stop being pressed), walking out of the temple, and everyone starts bowing. Jorah and Daario are the last ones to bow, and Daario is confused because Jorah was there when she walked out of the pyre in, what, Season 1? He’s never seen anything like this and Dany looks at him like, mufucka, you BETTER get on your knees.

So, here is my thing with this: I’ve been riding with the Stormborn Gang for a long time now, basically since she walked out that pyre. I fucks with Dany, that’s my dogg. And cool, now she has another army. But what is this, army #3? She has had the Dothraki before through Drogo, then she bought the Unsullied, then she has the slaves willing to ride for her (although they’re not really fuckin’ with her right now). It seems like I’m forgetting one, as well. Point is, Dany has had backing before, but she has to make a decision: does she want to be a slave liberator, or does she want her throne back? Being a slave freer is fine and noble and all…..but this is a television show and I don’t care about them. Use all these people, go get your dragons, and stop playing Harriet Tubman. I’m happy she did this and all, but we’ve seen it before. Fucking DO SOMETHING WITH IT.

So next week, we need to get back to Bran, so he can finally confirm who is in the tower and storylines can start coming together. We’ll get back to Arya, I would assume, and probably Jon going around with his hand out, tryna build an army to go after Ramsay, which is also where Littlefinger comes in. I’m also ready to see Lady O get the Sparrows outta here, because I’m about done with them; they’re the only time I kinda zone out and not pay attention. Oh, and Dany and ’em should start making their way back to Meereen, and Tyrion’s deal will get thrown in the bushes, because the Dothraki will just kill everyone who opposes her. That was a nice GOT debut from Daniel Sackheim, who directed the last two episodes. Next up is Mark Mylod, who did “High Sparrow” and “Sons of the Harpy” from last season. He’ll take over the next two episodes. Almost at the halfway point; everyone is on the chess board now.

Game Of Thrones S05E07 – The Gift

Game Of Thrones took a beating with “Unbent, Unbowed, Unbroken“, and a lot of it has managed to cover up what has been an underwhelming couple of weeks. But business starts to pick up with “The Gift”, just in time as there are only three episodes left in the season. Let’s go…..

-Jon Snow is getting ready to head out with Tormund and get more wildlings, and Alliser looks like he can’t wait for Jon to leave so he can assume command of the Night’s Watch, and he also tells Jon that he thinks this is a mistake. Jon is like, oh, I know how you feel, but this is how it’s goin’ down. I think Alliser thinks all is good because Jon won’t make it back alive. He’ll be so mad when that doesn’t happen. Also, Sam gives Jon a dragonglass dagger like the one he used to kill the White Walker. I didn’t think they even had any more lying around.

-Maester Aemon is with Sam and Gilly and her baby, and he isn’t doing very well at all; I’d be surprised if he made it out of this episode. He tells Sam to get south, I think, before it’s too late, so the White Walkers are coming. They gotta be close, it’s been like, two seasons since we saw them last.

-Theon/Reek goes to take Sansa a meal, and she is a mess, bruised arms, crying in bed, possibly listening to a Mary J. Blige record. She begs Theon/Reek to take a candle to the broken tower, and she constantly tries to remind him of who he is, and he’s like, just do what he says and even though you say it can’t get worse, oh, it can. That little speech that Sansa gave him was very much like something like Catelyn would do. Sophie Turner has been really good this season.

-But does Theon/Reek go to the tower, even though he looks at it? No, no he doesn’t. He goes to Ramsey, who should be way bigger than he is, dude is ALWAYS eating when he isn’t terrorizing people. When is Theon/Reek gon’ die? I don’t even care if he’s redeemed anymore.

-Man, Winterfell looks MISERABLE.

-Cut to Brienne looking at the tower, waiting to see the candle, so she can storm the ring and clean house. How long before she says, “fuck a candle” and just rolls out?

-Aemon is talking to himself and he surely has to die soon, which he does, like, less than a minute later, so now there is only one Targaryen left in the Westerosi world that we know for sure. The Night’s Watch lays him to rest, but Alliser sidles up to Sam to say that all his friends are gone now. I’m sure if I did Fuckboy Rankings for this show, Alliser would be top five, easily.

-Sansa meets up with Ramsey, who tells her that he is thankful she isn’t ugly, which is about the biggest compliment you’ll get from Ramsey. He also seems to know that Stannis and ’em are en route, which is interesting because I don’t know they’d know, probably spy ravens or some shit. Then the two engage in a little back-and-forth about his validity to the throne since he is a bastard, even though he was naturalized by Tommen, who Sansa points out is also a bastard. But he throws back at her something about Jon, who she probably hasn’t even thought of in years, and then the knockout: he takes her to see the flayed body of the old woman that told her that the North remembered, and told her to light a candle. It’s also heavily implied that Theon/Reek betrayed her again. Just gotta burn down Winterfell and start over again, nothing good will come outta this place now.

-Davos tries to tell Stannis that it’s cold as shit, horses and people are dying and maybe they should head back to Castle Black to try and wait out the winter, but Stannis is like, nah, we said we would fight and now we gotta fight. Stannis then turns to Melisandre to be like, uh, you sure about all this? She says she has seen the visions of victory at Winterfell, but he might have to sacrifice someone else because they need King’s blood. That someone? Shireen, his daughter. Stannis is PISSED and is like, NOAP, you went too far now, you gotta get the fuck out. It took five seasons, but Stannis finally stands up to ol’ Shadow Vagina, who looks genuinely taken aback by his reaction.

-Two dudes roll up on Gilly and they’re tryna figure out if she’s really pretty, or pretty because she’s the only female around these parts, so you know they’re gon’ be on some bullshit right off the bat. They try to holla at her and she’s like, this is street harassment, and then Sam comes out with a sword…..and promptly gets his ass KICKED. These dudes are smackin’ fire out Sam’s ass, but he still got bars, talkin’ about he has killed a White Walker and a Thenn, he’ll take his chances against these two, who are about to step to him again. However, they’re greeted by Ghost, Jon’s direwolf, and they peace out. Sam passes out, but shoutout to Jon for leaving Ghost there. I think he did that on purpose because he knew people would test Sam and let’s keep it funky, we all know Sam ain’t shit when it comes to fighting.

-Gilly is cleaning up his cuts and telling him not to try that shit again, while Sam is like, I was pulllin’ that rope-a-dope on ’em, I was good. Anyway, I was just saying that she GOTTA give him a handjob at this point, I’ve been saying that since he saved her from the White Walker, but anyway, he gets more than a handjob and I think we can all agree that this “no sex life” rule for the Night’s Watch has been thrown in the bushes. Still, between this and Tommen/Margaery, this has been the season of the awkward sex scene for Game Of Thrones.

-Malko (the judges will also accept Mr. Eko from Lost or Adebisi from Oz because let’s keep it 100, he won’t be on the show long enough to need to know his real name) has Jorah up on the auction block. He sells Jorah to this guy, but Tyrion talks the buyer into taking him as well. Also, Tyrion kicks a dude’s ass for making fun of him and I’m like, how do you let a midget in shackles kick your ass? And where did this side of Tyrion come from? I guess when you’re mad, it just comes out.

-Dany and Daario are in bed talking, and Daario is a little jealous because Loraq is about to marry Dany, but everyone knows it is all political. Daario then suggests they get married and she’s the queen, so she can do whatever he wants, but that hasn’t worked out so far. He also suggests that when she goes to the re-opening of the fighting pits, she kill all the masters. She says she isn’t a butcher, but we’ve watched Dany nail slavers to crosses and feed masters to her dragons, so let’s not get all high and mighty, missus.

-Lady O visits the High Sparrow to try and negotiate a way out for Margaery and Loras, but he isn’t budging, sticking to his “laws of the gods” script. She offers money and then says she’ll stop sending food to King’s Landing, and she also points out that half of the city has been involved in some buggery, which will never not make me laugh. But he is holding strong in his beliefs and it isn’t even him, it’s up to the gods. It’s weird to see Lady O not getting her way, but she does point out that the Sparrows are also lawbreakers and this is kinda hypocritical, and she isn’t wrong. Also, as she leaves, she gets a note from someone.

-Tommen is freaking out that he can’t do anything about Margaery being locked up, or he thinks that he can’t, but he’s the fuckin’ king; he’s just being manipulated by Cersei, who tries to talk him out of starting a war. She says she’ll try to talk to the High Sparrow about this, and that she just wants him to be happy. Tyrion said it best about Cersei: she has two redeeming qualities, her cheekbones and her love for her children. However, the love for her children might take a backseat to the family name right now because this whole situation is about her tryna keep the Lannister name on top in these streets (yeah. Tommen’s last name is Baratheon, but we all know what’s good).

-Meanwhile, Jaime is in Dorne, getting visited by his daughter/niece Myrcella, who says that she has been here for years now and this is her home. This throws the entire timeline of the story off, but meh, Game Of Thrones has much larger things to worry about. Anyway, she’s getting married to Trystane and that’s all there is to it, and ol’ Goldenhand can’t do much about it.

-Bronn is singing ignorant songs about a Dornish wife down in his cell, which is across from the Sand Snakes. Also, shoutout to Jerome Flynn, who plays Bronn and actually has a very good voice that he has showed off in previous roles before this, and it was Bronn who introduced us to the song “The Rains Of Castamere” (the Lannister theme, and the name of the “Red Wedding” episode) prior to the Battle Of The Blackwater in Season 2. Anyway, one of the Sand Snakes asks if he thinks they’re beautiful and he’s like, nah, but then he starts bleeding from the nose, while she starts opening her robe. I had heard this last week on a few podcasts, people were wondering if the dagger Bronn was cut with was poisoned because that was a specialty of Oberyn. They were right as he passes out and the only antidote was in a vial that was held by this Sand Snake, who is now just teasing Bronn and wants him to say she is the most beautiful woman in the world. I didn’t like this at first, but she’s exerting her power over Bronn, who drinks the antidote and like, shit, that was close.

-Lady O meets Littlefinger at his trashed brothel, and she cuts right to the chase, saying that they’re now together because of the Joffrey plot (I think this is the first time they explicitly say it). She wants to know what his objective is, and Littlefinger gives her a little, but not all of it, and that he has a gift for her.

-At the fighting pits, the man who bought them gives a pep talk and introduces them to Dany, who is not here for any of this shit at all and wants to leave early, but Loraq says the people might take offense to it. Jorah sees her, gets his mask and runs into the ring like Hulk Hogan during a battle royal, wreckin’ shop. He kicks everyone’s asses while Tyrion is still in the back in chains, and a huge man cuts his chains so he can be free. Outside, Jorah takes off his mask to show himself to Dany, who is like, GET THIS MUFUCKA OUTTA MY SIGHT and I’m surprised she doesn’t order his death right there. However, he says he brought her a gift and out walks the imp to proclaim that he is the gift, and his name is Tyrion Lannister. I should have apologized to my neighbors, because I may have stood up and started cheering like it was a basketball game. I’ve been waiting for this since I found out it was even an option, and here is my reasoning for them being the leaders for the Iron Throne race (from a conversation with a friend):

“Dany has the army and she has dragons, but she has no idea how to lead and neither do the people around her and they have no idea what to do about King’s Landing, but Tyrion has grown up watching the game, both politically and militarily, and he did a damn good job when he was the King’s Hand”.

I’m not sure if this is how it will turn out, and stubborn-ass Dany has to first listen to what Tyrion has to say, but this scene pretty much made me forget about everything else that has happened this season.

-Cersei visits Margaery in her cell, and it’s so fucking petty. She says she doesn’t look like she has been eating and gives Margaery her leftovers, and that she’s tryna help, but Margaery is like, bitch you lyin’, you did this and throws stew at her, telling her to get out. Cersei walks out with that smirking smile that she has on in 70% of her scenes. Cersei always looks like she’s on the verge of laughing in your face.

-However, that turned into a frown quickly as Cersei visited the High Sparrow, who tells her about a young man who came to him a mess, but he told some stories that lifted the weight off his shoulders, and some of those stories involved her….and of course, it’s her cousin Lancel, who has ALL SORTS of dirt on Cersei, who tries to run away, but is stopped by guards. The High Sparrow is joined by Lancel and has a really creepy look on his face, while Cersei hits that “I’M THE QUEEN” joint that Margaery yelled as she was being taken away, and she tells the female guard to remember her face as it’s the last one that she’ll see before she dies. Man, like Rod from The Black Guy Who Tips always says, people who try to dance before they score the touchdown ALWAYS get burned in Game Of Thrones, and this is what happened to Cersei. The risk of premature partyin’, my friends.

-Littlefinger told Lady O he had a gift for her. Is Lancel the gift, or this entire situation? Either way, he had something to do with this.

Now, all I want next week is more Tyrion/Dany stuff, I assume we’ll get some Arya stuff, Tommen’s gon’ be lookin’ around like, uh, where did my wife and mother go, Melisandre will be plotting on how to get Shireen’s blood (does she need just a little blood or, like, for her to actually die?), someone gotta run up and save Sansa for fuck sakes….oh, and as terrible as Winterfell and Castle Black looked, winter HAS to be here by now, right?

Alright, Game Of Thrones, you have my full and undivided attention again. Let’s go.

Game Of Thrones S05E06 – Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken

Game Of Thrones certainly isn’t a show for the faint of heart, and many times, viewers are left to wonder if they went too far. With “Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken” (which is the motto of the House Martell), people are asked to make that decision once again and I’ll tell you right now….actually, fuck it. We’ll get there. Let’s go…..

-We open with Arya, still wiping dead bodies down, and the body is taken away, but she wants to see where it goes and she’s stopped by the Waif (apparently that is her name) and Arya is fed the fuck up; she wants to know when she gets her Faceless training on. The Waif says that she has already played and lost and Arya is like, what kinda grapefruit ass shit is that, I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW I WAS PLAYING. Then ol’ Waify tells a story of where she might be from, but she alludes to it possibly being a lie and it’s all a part of becoming Faceless, but never saying it, of course, because she’s an asshole. But I did figure out that she isn’t blind as I thought the first time we saw her.

-Then Arya is tryna sleep when she is woken up by Jaqen, who asks her a bunch of questions about who she is, but every time she tells the truth, he hits her. By the end of it, Arya is like, this is some fuckin’ bullshit and I don’t wanna play, and he’s like, yeah, b, you never stop playing. I get where this is going, but they gotta hurry up. I ain’t tryna watch this fuckboy slap Arya around while she’s washing bodies for the next season and a half.

-Tyrion is tryna make small talk with Jorah, and we see the greyscale again, I don’t know how Tyrion didn’t see him looking at it, but hey, it is what it is. Tyrion tells Jorah of why he’s on the road (killed his pops, murdered his side chick/true love), and then he goes on to tell Jorah his father was a good man, and Jorah is like, how you know my pops? He tells Jorah that he met him on the Wall and that there would never be another like him…..Jorah stares at Tyrion, and it takes the imp a minute to figure out that Jorah never knew what happened to his father. Jorah gets Tyrion to tell him what happened (his own men turned on him) and the two are off again. Most times, Tyrion’s mouth gets him into trouble, but sometimes…..yeah, not so much.

-Arya is now washing the floors when a man brings his sick daughter to the House of Black and White, and I wanna know how he got in there when Arya had to sit outside for a day in the rain. Anyway, he just wants it to end because she is really sick, and Arya comforts her with a lie of a story, along with another lie that the water will help her, but that shit put her an eternal sleep. Jaqen is watching this and he is impressed with her compassion, along with her lying, and he creeps up on her (because he doesn’t know how to move any other way), leading her to follow him. He leads her to the Hall of Faces, all faces taken from the dead bodies that are washed, and ask her she is ready to become no one, and she hesitates. He says she is ready to become someone else, though. Next episode, I wanna see Arya runnin’ up steps on some Rocky shit.

-Tyrion and Jorah are walking and talking, and Jorah asks Tyrion if he believed in anything and Tyrion is like, NOAP. Jorah says he didn’t, but then he saw Dany walk out of the burning pyre with her baby dragons, which is fair. Tyrion is still a little skeptical because the Targaryens are, well, fucking crazy, which is also fair, and lays out a few reasons as to why she isn’t good for the Iron Throne, but as they’re getting to that, they see a slave ship. However, they also notice that they’re surrounded. They proceed to beat the hell outta Jorah and the main guy (played by Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, who was Mr. Eko in Lost and Adebisi in Oz) wants to cut off Tyrion’s cock to sell it because a dwarf’s cock has magic powers. Tyrion starts pleading that they’ll need to prove the cock is from a dwarf, and the second-in-command is like, it’ll be dwarf-size and Tyrion is like, GUESS AGAIN. He manages to keep himself and Jorah alive as he tells them about Jorah being a great fighter who has killed Dothraki, and if they get to the fighting pits in Meereen (which are going to be open soon), he’ll prove it. Shit is like kidnapping Inception, but they’re en route to Meereen again.

-WHERE IN THE BLUE FUCK IS VARYS????????????

-Littlefinger strolls up into King’s Landing, where he is greeted by Lancel’s crazy ass. Lancel tries to threaten Littlefinger by saying there will be no more prostitution in these streets, but Littlefinger ain’t scared, shit, he has been threatened by more important people.

-Littlefinger gets to Cersei, who continues to say she had nothing to do with Loras gettin’ hemmed up and he’s like, come on, b, you can’t bullshit a bullshitter, but whatever, the Tyrells ain’t gon’ like this. Cersei is tryna get the Vale on their side for when the war starts and Littlefinger not only says that they will, but that he knows Sansa is in Winterfell and Cersei is like, say word????? He tells Cersei of Roose’s plan to marry Sansa to Ramsey, which pisses her off after the Lannisters and Boltons pulled off the Red Wedding together, but Littlefingers advises Cersei to let the Boltons fight Stannis and his people, then they can take over the North, and Littlefinger will be the Warden of the North (I think that’s how it works, either way, the plan is for Littlefinger to be somebody). Cersei doesn’t care now, she just wants Sansa’s head on a spike. Would Littlefinger set Sansa up like that? It might be the ultimate revenge for him not getting Cat, but really, that might be the least of Sansa’s worries at this very moment.

-Myrcella is with the boy she is supposed to marry, Trystane, who is the nephew of Oberyn and the son of Prince Doran, who knows Ellaria and the Sand Snakes are probably coming for her, so the leader of his security crew gotta watch them. Meanwhile, Jaime and Bronn have stolen the clothes of the men they killed and are riding towards the city, and Ellaria is indeed plotting with the Sand Snakes to snatch up Myrcella, so you get the feeling it’s about to go down. They all meet in the courtyard and as Jaime is tryna convince Myrcella to come with him, but the Sand Snakes come out and they have a lumberjack match (three Sand Snakes against Jaime and Bronn). But before anyone gets hurt, Doran’s bouncer and his people are like, we’re just taking everyone in and we’ll figure it out. They also go and grab Ellaria, because fuck her. Talkin’ bad to the prince like you’re somebody.

-Lady Olenna is on her way to King’s Landing, talkin’ mad shit about how it stinks and how the rumors against Loras are gossip and something about pillowbiters being arrested because quite frankly, Lady O doesn’t give a flying fuck about your feelings. She goes to Cersei to figure this shit out, and Cersei isn’t backing down from her lie that the Faith Militant was behind Loras’ getting jailed, but Lady O isn’t buying that at all. Lady O is like, dogg, we’re feeding your fuckin’ people and this is the thanks we get? Cersei is like, I’m fighting on this lie, and tells her that the High Septon is calling for a preliminary trial to see if the charges against Loras will stick, and kicks Lady O out. SON…..the look that she gives Cersei before she leaves, that has to be a GIF somewhere.

-Whenever Tywin was writing letters, something was usually about to happen. Are they carrying that tradition with Cersei, who was writing this entire time? Do her words hold the same weight?

-We go to this trial of Loras, who is denying everything, so the High Septon decides to call Margaery forward, which is surprising because she’s the Queen, but she’s like, I don’t know shit about shit, bruh, and I’m the fuckin’ Queen. The High Septon brings out Oliver, who of course, was in bed with Loras when Margaery visited them a couple episodes ago, and he snitches like all get out on everyone, saying that not only was he in bed with Loras, but Margaery just lied to y’all and the Septon is like, welp, guess we got a trial. Margaery yells, “I AM THE QUEEN”, looking right at Cersei, who is partyin’, while Tommen is like, I’m never getting sex again and Lady O was all but ready to take her earrings off and throw down with Cersei. My money is on Lady O, by the way. Cersei hit her with that “your move” smirk, and man, it’s about to get so ugly for her.

-Myranda has been sent to give Sansa a bath so that she’s good for this wedding she doesn’t want to do, and she tries to tell Sansa a bunch of stuff to scare her away from Ramsey, like Sansa actually wants to go through with this. But Sansa realizes what is going on: Myranda is in love with Ramsey, but Winterfell is Sansa’s home and she won’t be intimidated. Then Theon shows up and says he is to escort Sansa down the aisle, arm in arm or Ramsey will hurt me, and Sansa is like, bitch, you killed my brothers, fuck your feelings. The truth is gon’ be SO GOOD.

-So then we have a wedding that looks the most unhappy time ever; at least with most weddings in Game Of Thrones, they start out happy. This joint is dark as shit, and the only one smiling is Ramsey because, well, Ramsey. Then we get to after the wedding, where they go back to a room to consummate the marriage and Ramsey finds out that Sansa is a virgin, which is tip #1 that this isn’t going to go well for her. Theon is about to leave and Ramsey is like, nah, you’re gon’ stay and watch the girl you grew up with become a woman, and she goes to take her clothes off, but not fast enough for Ramsey, who rips the back of her dress, bends her over and all we hear is her cries, while Theon has a look of utter terror on his face.

-Now, I’m not here to tell people what they can and/or can’t be upset by. Everyone has their goalposts. This was hard to watch, and it should have been. I was more upset with how the Jaime/Cersei scene was handled last season more than I was with the other night because that was a complete departure from the books. From what I’ve gathered, this was something like what happened in the books, but it was worse there (it was with a handmaiden or something, and there is shit that the GOT Wiki said was completely unfilmable). Now, that being said, I’m not condoning it because it was all sorts of fucked up and they probably could have changed it. Shit, Sansa was gon’ do it anyway (but don’t get twisted: it was still rape) because in this world, the women really didn’t have a say in, well, anything, especially when it came to marriages (Sansa has been a pawn in what, three marriages now?). I also don’t think we needed to see it to further the point that Ramsey is sadistic (then again, I also thought that he wouldn’t do anything to Sansa, so what do I know) but that wasn’t my call to make. I think they could have done without it, but man, Game Of Thrones has always been about this life and it won’t be the last time that happens, so I guess I wasn’t surprised. Some people say they’re done with it and hey, that’s their call.

-Everyone is going to have their take on that final scene and it’s fine. We can agree to agree or disagree, but just remember this: don’t be an asshole about it.

So, as if we didn’t want the worst shit in Westeros to happen to Ramsey, we do now (my prediction? Myranda does it). Jorah and Tyrion are just tryna get to Meereen without getting kidnapped again. Arya better have nunchuks or some shit, or practicing how to eat a single piece of rice with chopsticks (I can’t promise I’ll stop making Kill Bill/Arya references). The Lady O/Cersei beef has officially been put on the front burner, while Tommen wants to go back to his life of playing with his cat. And I suppose we’ll check in with Dany and ’em next week. The stage is yours, Game Of Thrones.