Tag Archives: Oberyn

Game Of Thrones S04E08 – The Mountain And The Viper

After the Memorial Day break, Game Of Thrones returns for their homestretch with “The Mountain And The Viper”, which is pretty self-explanatory, but it is safe to say that a lot of other stuff happens. This might be the most packed 54 minutes of the season, which has been, I gotta say, just superb. Let’s go……….

-We open with a prostitute who can burp songs like “The Rains Of Castamere” and “The Bear And The Maiden Fair”. How much does she go for? And are they the only songs we ever hear in this show?

-Then she goes to harass Gilly for no reason, and Gilly hears something coming. The wildlings and the cannibals are here. Ygritte is going so damn hard, but she does let Gilly live and tells her to keep quiet. At least she got to kill that mean prostitute. The blood pouring through the cracks in the floor was fuckin’ cool.

-At Castle Black, Sam is worried that Gilly is dead because he took her there, but what did he expect? Dogg, you took her to a brothel. She did survive a buncha shit (Craster, a walk to the Wall, etc), so she might have made it. Jon figures out that they’re next. 102 people against 100,000….the odds don’t look good for the Night’s Watch.

-The Unsullied are in a river bathing, but so is Missandei and some other girls. It was wonderful. He gets caught staring, but Dany’s girl kinda likes it. But he has no junk though, so……I guess I’m equating the idea of having the sex with the emotions he obviously feels for her (go back to the episode when she was teaching him to read), but don’t we all?

-Dany is apparently a hairdresser as well as she is helping Missandei; a woman of many hats. They try to figure out how/why Grey Worm was interested in seeing the goods, then they wonder if the whole package (“the pillar and the stones”, says Dany) are gone. Missandei wants the Unsullied D, or the lack of D. She wants something, dammit. His mouth does work….I’m just sayin’ (side note: this is the first time in the history of life I’ve used the phrase, “just sayin'”. I generally think it’s friggin’ stupid).

-Grey Worm is putting in some extra work, learning some new words like “precious”, and he says he doesn’t mind getting cut, because he wouldn’t be Unsullied and he wouldn’t have met her. He’ll be face deep in her by the end of the season.

-Ramsey gets Theon ready to go to Moat Cailin and Theon/Reek does a terrible Theon impression as the Ironborn dude doesn’t buy it. The whole place looks like malaria.

-The Ironborn guy calls Theon a woman and a whipped dog. Son spits blood in his face. Someone gotta die after that, don’t they?

-YUP. The fellow Ironborn dude with the ax is like, “We gon’ live, right? Cool. Just keep that crazy mufucka away from us”. Was Theon gon tell him the truth before he got his wig split?

-Yeah, Ramsey killed and burned ALL those mufuckas, b.

-Littlefinger is standing before a jury of people who are tryna figure out what happened to Lysa, and they are straight shittin’ on dude, saying he was licking Tywin Lannister’s boots. They absolutely think he was in on Lysa dying, and they bring in Sansa, who has every opportunity to tell the real truth about Littlefinger, but she finally decides to play the game. Whether she is doing it right or wrong is a different story, but at least Sansa is playing the game after being a pawn for so damn long. Sophie Turner overacts the shit outta this scene, but you know what? It works because it seems like something Sansa would do when she finally decides to step into the game of thrones.

-Littlefinger now wants to use Robin’s power at the Vale to fight the Lannisters, much like Tywin with Joffrey and Tommen. It goes along with the whole “you don’t want to be sitting on the throne” theory. It doesn’t pay to be the King in this show.

-Barrister receives a letter from the Hand of the King (RIP Robert Baratheon), a pardon for Jorah. He has been spying on Dany.  He was the one giving Varys the information to take back to Tywin and ‘em.

-Dany can’t even look at him, she is absolutely livid when he enters her chambers. This is Emilia Clarke’s Emmy scene. She gives off that authority, but she also emotes the hurt when someone close to you betrays you. Remember, Jorah just helped the Usurper, the person that killed her entire family, including her uncle “The Mad King”, this is a betrayal that cuts deep. If he doesn’t leave right now, his head goes in Slaver’s Bay. Those Khaleesi bars. much like the Wu-Tang Clan, ain’t nuthin’ to fuck with.

-Ramsey reports to his father that he got Moat Cailin, and Roose tells him that he is a legit Bolton now, which means Ramsey knows he will eventually succeed his father as they head towards Winterfell. Is there even anything left of Winterfell at this point? Apparently there is because we see it, but that place has to be in all kinds of rough shape now.

-Awwwwwwwwwww, all Ramsey wants is his father’s love, or at least to know that he is now in the succession list. Even though Theon was the one that actually did all the work. This dude has to snap the fuck outta this.

-Littlefinger visits Sansa to see why she lied for him. She has no idea what they would have done with her if he was gone; she gambled on the man she knows, not the strangers she doesn’t, Littlefinger. She also knows that he wants a piece, and she is going to use that now. Cersei told her she would figure it out someday, and she is. To be a woman in the world of Game Of Thrones, you aren’t given many weapons, but there is one that works 11 times outta 10.

-Arya and the Hound approach the Vale. Arya tells the guards who she is, and they learn Lysa is dead. She laughs and laughs and laughs. The Hound did all this for nothing. He is about to be so damn mad. All the people will die, and all the chickens will be eaten.

-Robin doesn’t seem very broken up about his mother dying at all as he walks and talks with Littlefinger. Then Sansa comes downstairs, looking strangely like either Catelyn or Lysa (basically, a grown-up Stark woman) to butter up Robin so she can take over the Vale with Littlefinger. Chips are on the table now, says Sansa: let’s play. FINALLY.

-Tyrion and Jaime are in a cell having a drink, and Tyrion goes on about some “slow” cousin of theirs. That sound they say he makes as he kills beetles is PRETTY damn good. This story goes on way too long, but I think he equates his life with that of a beetle. I’m sure there is more here, but really, I don’t care.

-It’s time for the fight. Oberyn is drinking and wearing no armor, while the Mountain comes in with full armor and a sword as big as Oberyn. Tyrion and Ellaria are both like, “the fuck are you doing?”. Oberyn is cocky as shit. His motivations in this fight are far different than Tyrion’s, who just wants to live. He wants a confession and his revenge for his sister and her children, and he is actually doing very well. He also calls King’s Landing a stinking shitpile of a city, which is pretty good. But still, something isn’t adding up.

-He has the Mountain down and out, but his petty ass wants a confession and you can tell this isn’t going to end well. Basically, he wants the Mountain to implicate Tywin in his sister’s death as well, which has Tywin looking pretty uncomfortable. The Mountain trips him and gets on top of him, digging his thumbs into his eyes and crushes his skull while confessing to everything. The whole damn thing. Tyrion and Jaime are like, WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? Tywin and Cersei are partyin’ like shit.

-It was even more brutal watching it the second time. But I am seeing people say this is the most brutal thing we’ve seen on Game Of Thrones. I beg to differ. For me, personally, it was the start of the Red Wedding when ol’ boy stabbed a pregnant Talisa in the stomach to get the shit kicked off. There are a couple of other incidents as well, but maybe I’m just so desensitized to shit now that nothing shocks me. I might make a list when this season is done.

So, “The Mountain and the Viper” lived up to the hype and then some, and I’m kinda thinking now, even though I cursed HBO out for the entire two weeks it was missing, we NEEDED that break. That was a lot of Game Of Thrones to take in. My biggest question about this episode is, did the Mountain actually die? He did take a spear to the chest pretty damn good, and if that’s the case, does Tyrion get to survive? Is there a “who dies first” clause in the whole trial-by-combat thing? Is Oberyn happy now? He got his confession, and he might have actually killed the Mountain.

Two episodes left in Game Of Thrones, and we know the ninth episode is usually when something MAJOR happens. Next week, we know we have the battle at the Wall, but that can’t be all. Get ya shit ready.

Game Of Thrones S04E07 – Mockingbird

After a string of incredible episodes, Game Of Thrones manages to dial it back a bit with “Mockingbird”, although that isn’t to say that is a bad episode; it is just that we have been spoiled this season with at least two candidates for “Best GoT episode ever”. A ton of stuff still happens, too. Let’s go….

-We begin with Tyrion and Jaime, who is chastising his little brother for his tirade at the end of his trial as Jaime had a deal with Tywin to keep him alive. But Tyrion knew that was what Tywin wanted: Tyrion out of sight at Castle Black and Jaime at Casterly Rock continuing the Lannister name, which is why Tywin agreed to it so quickly. We also see how jealous Tyrion is of Jaime, who “could kill a king, lose a hand, fuck your sister…” and Jaime is like, “hold up now, I’m the only mufucka that still likes you, watch ya mouth”. The show is being very explicit in letting us know that people know about Jaime and Cersei, much moreso than the books, I think. It was also good when Jaime hit Tyrion with that “BRILLIANT speech…they’ll be talking about it for days”. I’m sure it felt great for Tyrion to get that off his chest and it made for a helluva speech, but the people won’t remember it for long and it would have been all for naught.

-Tyrion was really angling for Jaime to fight for him, but ol’ One-Hand McRapecest isn’t about that life anymore and after all the jokes, Tyrion realizes that. Especially as he knows who Cersei is looking at to fight for her.

-Man, The Mountain is fucking HUGE. Son kills for fun. That one dude tried to bow for mercy, and The Mountain killed him for no damn reason. The last two blows with the sword didn’t even make any sense. He doesn’t care who he fights at all. I’m not a big fan of the word, but could you be any more of a cunt, Cersei?

-The Hound and Arya roll up on a burned-down farmhouse, and they find a man who is dying of a wound to the stomach. He doesn’t seem to know the people who burned his hut down, and the Hound wonders why he hasn’t killed himself yet to end the pain; at this point, you know Hound is gon’ kill him, this old man doesn’t have the heart to do it himself. It also turns out to be a lesson for Arya as the Hound stabs the old man through the heart, so she knows where it is now.

-This comes in handy as the Hound is attacked by a man who gets his neck snapped for his troubles, although he did manage to bite Hound’s neck. The second attacker tells him the Lannisters have a price on his head for his whole “Fuck The King” steez, and all the killing, of course. He also tells them of Joffrey’s death. Arya recognizes the second attacker from when she was getting taken to the Wall, and he apparently said that he would fuck Arya bloody with a stick, so this won’t end well for him. He tells Hound his name, which gets him on Arya’s little list of death, then he gets Needle in his heart. Cold-blooded Arya reminds me of Natalie Portman in “Leon: The Professional”, which is an excellent movie if you haven’t seen it.

-Jon Snow returns to Castle Black, greeted well by his boys, but not by Allister Thorne, who continues to be a bitchass. Jon tells him and the council that he recommends sealing the tunnel at the Wall to stop the wildlings, and it is probably a good idea, but Thorne isn’t having it. All these dudes are gon’ die because Thorne is a spiteful prick. Nice. I can’t wait for Jon to kill him. That has to happen.

-Bronn is sent to Tyrion, who asks him to fight for him as he did once before, but Bronn is in a good place now. He has some new clothes, and he got hooked up with a girl who will inherit a castle when her sister dies, which Bronn says might happen by accident, because he is shady like that. This is all courtesy of Cersei, who knew Tyrion would ask Bronn, who really wants to help him, but what is in it for him? He’ll probably die fighting the Mountain, and if he somehow beats him, he’ll be fucked up OR Cersei will have him killed anyway. And really, would Tyrion risk his life for Bronn? He has already done it once; twice is asking too much. It was sad to see Bronn leave and say he wants to hear a song one day about Tyrion beating the Mountain. Bronn is a sellsword; he is in this for himself, and Tyrion has to respect that.

-Dany goes to her private quarters, where Daario is waiting with some flowers. Uh…….do you see how big that pyramid is? This mufucka is Spiderman. Basically, he tells her that he is only good at fighting and fucking, and he hasn’t done either. So Dany is like, “pull it out”, and while we don’t see it, we can be pretty sure that she gets the D. It’s good to see a woman in the place of power when it comes to sex in Game Of Thrones, which is usually getting roasted for objectifying women and being mad rapey. And I’m sure the female viewers were happy to see some Daario ass.

-Then we switch to Melisandre in the bath, because you gotta have balance and I am not arguing with this. Stannis’ wife, Selyse, comes in to have a chat and Melisandre basically admits that her magic shit is all an illusion to make people believe, but we’ve seen her birth a demon out of her vagina, so there has to be some truth to the shit. Selyse also wants to leave her daughter, Shireen, behind when they go to King’s Landing, but Melisandre says she is needed. Will Stannis be down with sacrificing his daughter? It doesn’t seem likely, but she does have a certain hold over him.

-Dario is leaving Dany’s room when Jorah walks by, and Dario is like, “gimme a pound, playa” and Jorah is like, “this mufucka….”. He obviously tells Dany that Dario can’t be trusted because he is a cockblocker (I submit “Lord Cockblocker” as a new Jorah nickname), and Dany reveals that she told Dario to take the Second Sons and go back to Yunkai to wreck shop, but Jorah recommends against this and Dany tells him to take the credit for it. She loves Jorah, but he still won’t get in those draws, no matter how good of an advisor he is.

-The Hound and Arya are chillin’, and Arya wants to burn where he was bitten so it won’t get infected, but we know how he feels about fire. He then proceeds to go off on her for getting him in trouble, even though this all could have been avoided if he had, you know, NOT KIDNAPPED HER. But he does have a soft spot for her or he would have killed her long ago, and he tells her the story of how his brother, the Mountain, burned his face for playing with one of his toys, but it hurt more because his brother did it and his father lied for him. Hound has been betrayed by the people he loves his entire life, so that is why it is hard for him to let Arya in, but he does let Arya dress his wound, which is a start.

-Brienne and POD DA GAWD continue their journey and they end up at an inn, where we see….so, when first saw dude, I knew he was familiar and I wanted to say his name was something to do with him being fat, like Fat Boy or Fatty or something. Turns out it is Hot Pie, who was last seen giving Arya a big-ass piece of bread as they parted ways, and while he goes on about his pies, Brienne tells him that they’re looking for Sansa Stark, which makes Hot Pie go, “Um, yeah, no Starks outchea in these streets”. Pod recommends that they shouldn’t be going around telling people they’re looking for someone who is accused of killing the former king and the daughter of a traitor, but then Hot Pie comes out as they’re leaving to tell them that Arya is still alive (Brienne thought she was dead) and that she is with the Hound, possibly en route to the Eryie, where crazy-ass Lysa lives. Hot Pie also wants them to give Arya a wolf-shaped bread, which I’m pretty sure was what he gave her the last time he saw her. Has he been holding on to this bread? He just keeps wolf-shaped loaves on deck? But it was nice to see Brienne trusting Pod a bit when he tells her what he knows of the Lysa situation, and it was always going to happen that they would get their buddy-cop on.

-Oberyn visits Tyrion, who has no options left, and he tells him of a story about when he visited King’s Landing as a boy and Tyrion was a baby. Cersei always hated Tyrion for killing their mother as he was born, and made him out to be some sort of freak show, and Oberyn says she pinched his penis so hard, he thought it would rip off. Tyrion knew that Cersei has always wished ill upon him, but not this much and not for this long, and he is genuinely hurt for the second episode in a row. But as he continues to tell Tyrion how badly Cersei wants him dead, Oberyn says he wants justice for his sister and her children, and the wheels are turning….who is Cersei getting to fight for her? Who does Oberyn hate the most in this world outside of the Lannisters? Yep, he’ll volunteer to fight the Mountain. Tyrion is like, “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORD”….you know he did a little dance when Oberyn left.

-Sansa is hangin’ out, building a replica of Winterfell in the snow, when Robin joins her. He just wants to hurt people, like a little breastfeeding 14-year-old Joffrey-in-training. He stomps on her snowcastle and she slaps him, causing him to run off and tell his mother, which is never good, but at least Sansa stood up for herself for once. You can’t have anything around this weird little bastard. Littlefinger sees this and says he deserves it, and then when she asks him why he killed Joffrey, Littlefinger goes on some spiel about how much he loved her mother and he could have been her father, but since he isn’t, he’ll try to put the moves on her since she is hotter than Catelyn ever was. Littlefinger is taking the creep factor to a whole new level, and that is saying something in Game Of Thrones. So, he kisses her, but guess who sees it?

-Lysa calls Sansa to her chambers, and Sansa tries to apologize for slapping Robin, but Lysa gives no fucks about that. All she knows is that young hussy is outchea tryna steal her man, and she flips the fuck out, grabbing Sansa and threatening to throw her down the moon door. But Littlefinger steps in to stop it, and soothingly gets Lysa to step back from the ledge; he’ll send Sansa away and everything. That gets Lysa to drop her guard, and then you see it coming from a mile away: Littlefinger says that he has only loved one woman and Lysa thought he was gon’ say her. NOAP….it was Catelyn, and then out the moon door Lysa goes.

Overall, “Mockingbird” was a solid episode, but it was a little too obvious for me, and not because I’ve read the book: I have an awful memory and don’t remember 97% of it. But you saw the whole Oberyn thing coming, as well as the Lysa thing. It is only because all of it was so well-acted that it gets a pass, especially Pedro Pascal, who has balled out as Oberyn this season. He has stolen almost every scene he has been in and has more than held his own with the likes of Peter Dinklage, Lena Headley and Charles Dance. Hell, a subpar episode of this season still gets like, an 8.4 outta 10 or something, so calm down.

No Game Of Thrones next week because of a holiday, so I’ll be back in a couple weeks with the beginning of the three-episode homestretch, and you should get ready, because shit is about to go down.