American Horror Story: Coven emerges from the American Thanksgiving holiday with a bang, and it seems like they were gone for much longer than a week. “The Sacred Taking” starts strong and even though it could probably do without one of the storylines, ends just as well. Let’s go……
-We start with Queenie walking around in a bummy part of town and of course, some crazy guy steps to her, which of course, isn’t going to work out for him. Zoe and Madison run up on her and try to persuade her to come back to the coven, but Queenie isn’t buying it at all, and instead pulls out the heart of the man who was going to attack her because Marie needed it for a spell. Turns out he was a rapist anyway, so he wasn’t needed. But she said the war was on, and the coven was going to lose. It is now officially on and poppin’.
-Life isn’t letting Fiona cook at all. The cancer is winning, making her all googly-eyed for the Axeman, who is just chillin’ in his briefs like everything is cool and he tells her that he’ll be there until she dies. Pretty noble coming from a guy that kills people just because they don’t like jazz. And Fiona is also worried about which witch is taking her powers en route to being the next Supreme. You would think the Supreme would have the power to figure that out, but she already whiffed on Madison, so fuck knows who it is now.
-Meanwhile, the coven is plotting on Fiona’s downfall when they’re joined by Misty (hey boo), who was forced out of her swamp house by someone with a gun, which I’m assuming was Delia’s husband, the Witch Hunter. But Misty brought a friend: Myrtle is back and she looks as creepy as ever. She looked creepy in life, creepy in death and creepier in resurrection. Myrtle thinks Misty is the Supreme, so that is thrown into the mix.
-Cut to Zoe and Kyle, and I automatically sighed because I hate this storyline and these characters. But damn, I can’t even front…that look on Kyle’s face when Zoe put the headphones on his head was GOOD. He had that “EUREKA!” look on his face, dogg. I also kinda like how he just wants to bang everything that is put in front of him. Maybe I don’t hate this as much as I thought. Gimme another couple scenes, though.
-The religious mother from next door is trying to nurse her son back to health after his last appearance, on Halloween against Marie’s zombie army. It also involves an enema. Being a good mother is not a prerequisite on Coven this season. Fiona was awful, Madame L was worse, Kyle’s mom was tryna give him a handjob….mothers aren’t getting good reviews in these AHS streets.
-The name of the episode comes from the next scene as the Sacred Taking is when the current Supreme takes her own life and gives her power to the next one. Delia thinks this will work, and Madison gives her a solid sideeye. We don’t even know who the next one is, so how does this work? But we got the best line of the episode, and quite possibly of the entire season. Nan was like, “why can’t I be the next one?”, and Madison replied with, “You have no style and your pits smell like fishsticks”. When I tell you that myself and my AHS partners in crime, Lindsay and Jody, were PARTYIN’ off that, my goodness….I was sweating. Those Madison bars are etherous. Either way, Delia was like, this is how it’s going down.
-Fiona comes out of her bathroom from a cancer-induced puking session to see Madison, who she thinks is dead, and Madison does her best to persuade Fiona to take a bunch of pills, or be burned at the stake as she did to Myrtle, who joins the party. Myrtle guides Fiona through a flashback of her getting sicker and dying, lonely as even the Axeman left her (you know you done fucked up when a bloody axe murderer ain’t fuckin’ with you anymore). So, it’s on to the pills for Fiona, but let’s be real, she loves pills. Myrtle also got her steal on, taking some jewelry for the road. That’s ratchet as shit and I appreciate that.
-But Spalding comes back from the dead, because everyone comes back from the dead on Coven, and his truth-telling ass tells Fiona that she has been tricked into committing suicide. Or maybe he was a ghost. I’m not sure what is going on here, but either way, he’s back and gets Fiona back on the go with some sort of potion that makes her throw up the pills. It must be Suicide Prevention Week at FX; this happened on Sons Of Anarchy as well.
(EDIT: I was just notified that Spalding was a ghost and in fact, not brought back from the dead. I was kinda drunk when I watched this and must have missed it the second time. These things happen.)
-Queenie is tryna be friends, giving Madame L a burger in her cage until Marie (HEY BOO) rolls up and sends her off. Madame L doesn’t even care about Marie’s threats because she knows she can’t die, but Marie isn’t hearing it and cuts off her hand. Every time you try to feel a little sympathy for Madame L, you remember that she is a raging racist and she wanted to go back into the ground because there was a “darkie in the White House”.
-Nan reads the thoughts of the neighbor’s son and goes over to the house, but his mother is on the phone with the police. But she took a few gunshots to the chest courtesy of the witch hunter, who was probably going after Nan and is just a terrible shot.
-Fiona shows up like, “what y’all up to?”, but everyone is more concerned of what is going on next door. She goes over and meets Misty, who brings back Neighbor Mom to prove to Fiona that she can do it. Delia finds a silver bullet, which points to her witch-hunting husband, so now we know that witches can be killed by silver bullets…well, anyone can, but especially witches.
-Zoe and Kyle have this touching “I love you” moment and I go back to hating them. Madison is sad as shit over in a corner and you know she won’t take that lying down.
-Fiona and Delia are chatting in the kitchen, Fiona says she is proud of her daughter, who replies that she would have tried to kill her mother long ago if that’s what it took to get her love. They put their beef to the side because they have to deal with the witch hunter, and anyway, Delia is blind as shit and Fiona has cancer, so neither is really at full strength. The doorbell rings and there is a box on the step. Yep, Madame L’s head is in there and the eyes blink.
Next week’s episode is called “Head” before Coven takes a break until January. I’m pretty sure we can all guess what that will be about. Shit is still shaping up to be the best season of American Horror Story yet.