Tag Archives: Sasha

The Walking Dead S07E08 – Hearts Still Beating

The Walking Dead powered into its midseason break with “Hearts Still Beating”, and while the grammatical error in the title really bothers me (I’ll explain that later), it was everything that is great about TWD: it was cheesy, over the top, still had a little bit of heart, and it was a buncha Negan being a dick. Let’s go……..

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-We open with Maggie at Glenn’s grave, which I assume she does daily, and then she goes to the top of the gate at the Hilltop. Gregory has an apple and is almost like, do you want this, and Eduardo, who is also up there, is like, dude, she’s pregnant, so Gregory thinks he’s being a nice guy by giving her the apple. One, she’s pregnant, stop being a dick, and two, most importantly, pregnant or not, Maggie would stomp the muddiest of holes in Gregory’s ass. Did he spend an entire episode getting punked by everyone like, two weeks ago? If you don’t go sit your fake Herschel ass down somewhere.

-Daryl gets out of his cell because of that note that told him to go. Yay. Fuck.

-More importantly, Negan is at Rick’s house, taking a shave and telling One-Eyed Carl how to shave as well, cooking pasta in his house, lookin’ like that scene from “Goodfellas“, but without the cocaine. Olivia gets some lemonade from Tara, who says she’ll go inside and take over for Olivia, who told Rick she would watch Judith, and neither of them would be able to do anything, so that’s pointless.

-Then we have Rick and Aaron, who decide to go out to the houseboat in the canoe full of bulletholes, and I was like, OOOOOOOOOOH WHAT LEVEL OF FUCKERY IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN……well, the scene is stretched out, but basically, the canoe sinks because bulletholes, they have to fight off water walkers (which I figured would like, disintegrate in the water, but whatever man), Aaron sees one in the other canoe, falls the fuck over and is taken under, Rick freaks out, Aaron pops up, and I let out a good, hearty laugh. The best thing about The Walking Dead is when you can see the fuckery down the road, and you know it’s about to be some bullshit, but it’s just a matter of how they get to, and through, the bullshit. It was great. Anyway, they get to the canoe, while Negan is back at the house, tucking napkins in his shirt and shit, getting ready to chow down on a trough of spaghetti because that seems to be all they have at Alexandria (remember Aaron, Daryl and, um….Eric? I think that’s his boyfriend’s name).

-Spencer is tryna be nice to the Saviors, where some girl wants to holla at him and show him the compound later, aka her walls (not walls in a house, use your imagination). She also takes a moment to punk Eugene, who watches this flirtation go down because he’s a creep like that and he does like to watch.

-Meanwhile, Carol is tryna chill and read her book by a fire like a civilized human, and mufuckas won’t leave her alone, Morgan, King Zeke (who we don’t see in this episode and that’s some bullshit), and now Richard, apparently that is his name. He comes in and tries to persuade them to convince King Zeke to strike first against the Saviors, and Carol is like, I just wanna read my fuckin’ book and eat my produce, and we all know Morgan ain’t about that life. So, Richard goes to a shittily-hidden camper in the woods, throws a milk bottle and starts crying. So, here is my thing: why should I care about Richard? The Kingdom, even, for that matter? Spend a little more time on it and maybe, just maybe we would care. They could have honestly split up the Kingdom episode with the Tara episode at Ladyland, as my girl calls it. Because….anyway, more about the latter a bit later on because I have a guess about that. Richard does bring up a good point, though: the Saviors don’t really need a reason to go back on their deal. They run shit.

-Rick and Aaron are on the houseboat getting supplies, and they’re talking about this deal with the Saviors, which Michonne doesn’t think is living, but Aaron disagrees and says, “either your heart is beating or it isn’t”…..meanwhile, Michonne is still driving with this hostage Savior, and tries to talk to her because Michonne is losing her mind, and this woman just isn’t having it at all. OH, and back to Rick and Aaron, someone in mismatched boots is watching them through binoculars. Spooky.

-Oh, I almost forgot about Daryl and his great escape. He sneaks around, being all sneaky, then gets to Dwight’s room and eats ALL of the peanut butter with his dirty-ass finger. How does one eat that much peanut butter, that quickly, with one finger, and then not go to the bathroom right afterwards? And as he leaves, he smashes Dwight’s figurines, and they seemed to focus on one in particular, and I don’t know what the significance is. Maybe to show that Daryl is a badass? I bet he listens to Kid Rock. Goddammit, I hate this dude.

-At Hilltop, Maggie can smell apple pies through doors, but that’s believable because pregnancy hormones are no joke. Maggie wants to ask Jesus to get stuff, but Sasha says he left this morning. Maggie leaves and Enid is like, WHY YOU ALWAYS LYIN’. It’s because Sasha has a plan to go after Negan, because who doesn’t? I’d love to sit down and rank all of the plans because there are some real shitburgers in this pile.

-Father Bitchass and Rosita are at the church….and you know what…..GABRIEL tries to talk Rosita out of her shitty plan to kill Negan, maybe wait so everyone can work together. He has earned the right to finally be called by his real name. Lowkey, Young Gabe might be the MVP of the half-season (non-Negan division). Can’t wait for that to backfire in my face.

-Spencer is in the mirror, practicing how to say “Hi” and he looks like he’s on some Jack Handy shit (old SNL skit, do ya Googles). He tells Rosita that the plan is to get close to Negan and then strike, and Rosita says she used him before, but she’ll do dinner with him later because yo, people gotta bang, b. Meanwhile, Daryl finishes his great escape by bashing Fat Joey’s head in with a pipe, and Jesus walks in on it, so they steal a motorbike and leave. Negan gon’ kill everyone at that compound, b. He leaves and everyone stops giving all of the fucks. Everyone gon’ have irons on their faces.

-Michonne and the lady Savior drive to within distance of a gang of Saviors, like, hundreds of mufuckas and is basically like, bruh, you can’t win this fight, he is everywhere…..but I’m done with this shit, so you need to kill me and set this truck on fire. Which Michonne apparently does.

-Rick and Aaron get back to Alexandria to find Negan and ’em, and Aaron takes a massive ass-whipping because of some fuckass note they found on the houseboat that says “congrats for winning, but you still lose”. Thanks to Holly for this, but why did they even take the note back with them? How would they not know that would be some shit? Anyway, Aaron says that his heart is still beating, which is why the title bothers me. “heart’s” = “heart is”, not “hearts”. I don’t know why I would expect a show like this to care about that, but anyway.

-Spencer introduces himself to Negan, who wants to play pool, so they move a pool table out in the middle of the street. Spencer throws Rick under the bus, more or less implying that Rick got his mother killed and that he always fucks shit up (which isn’t all the way wrong), and that Spencer can be the new leader. Here is where you realized that he gotta die, because Negan says that Rick is swallowing his pride and his hate of Negan to get shit done, and that if Spencer wants Rick’s spot, go take it….but he won’t, because he doesn’t have the guts….and then he disembowels Spencer right on the street. In front of everyone, because everyone decided to come out and watch this game of pool. Shit looked like a Michael Jackson video.

-Rosita gets mad and pulls out the heat, but instead of shooting Negan, she shoots Lucille and Negan starts randomly cursing, sounding like Sterling Archer. One of the Saviors throws Rosita to the ground and cuts her face, while Negan wants to know who made this magic bullet. A couple people say they did it, but Negan knows they’re lying, so the female Savior, Arat is her name, she shoots Olivia. Tara then says she did it, but Eugene confesses and Negan is like, yeah, you look like a bullet-makin’ mufucka. So he takes Eugene with him when he leaves, and Rick stabs a reanimating Spencer in the head because fuck that guy.

-Michonne and Rick meet in the cells, and Michonne tells him that there are more Saviors than they thought, but they still have to fight. So they go to the Hilltop to see Maggie, and Jesus and Daryl are there, and it’s one big-ass Avengers reunion as they walk up to the house to discuss a plan. Daryl even gives Rick back his gun, which was on Fat Joey because that’s way too easy. Maggie better have kicked Daryl in the nuts at least three times, since he got back.

-I missed this, but after the credits, Young Gabe is being watched at the Alexandria gate by the person with the mismatched boots. I’m gon’ guess it’s someone from Ladyland? It better be. We don’t need any more new people.

-The one thing that I do like that they are rationing us with Negan, because I think if he were in every episode, it would be too much. Jeffrey Dean Morgan is the MVP of this half-season and it isn’t even close because of how he straddles that line of being a cartoon and a downright fucking lunatic. But every episode and I think it would be too much. They just have to figure out to handle shit when he isn’t in the episode.

-Also, AMC: get your shit together and just make all the episode 90 minutes long. What else do you have to show? And if you’re gon’ have this many characters, you just might as well. I don’t wanna make any more Game Of Thrones comparisons, but let’s just say, you’re not Game Of Thrones. Take that extra advertising money and highstep down the sideline.

That was a solid ending to a typical half-season of The Walking Dead, which will return in February and likely do the same thing: be great for the first couple episodes, then be garbage, then end strong. Morgan and Carol will eventually come around and reach out to Rick because someone will hear something about Alexandria, which means King Zeke and Battlecat will be involved, Tara will holla at Ladyland, and yeah…..man, it is what it is by now with The Walking Dead. If they could just be consistent, the world would be a better place. The ratings are dropping, but they’re just now very good down from astronomical. It’ll be interesting to see if they try to improve in the second half of Season 7, I wouldn’t bet on it, but crazier things have happened and I’ma watch anyway. See y’all in February.

 

The Walking Dead S07E01 – The Day Will Come When You Won’t Be

I think I write this every single season: The Walking Dead is very good at premieres and finales: it’s in between that usually crosses them up. We’ll worry about all that later (because it WILL happen), but Season 7’s premiere, “The Day Will Come When You Won’t Be” was everything I needed it to be: bloody, brutal and taking out people that we care about. Let’s go……

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-Shoutout to Jeffrey Dean Morgan, who plays Negan and tweeted out this picture after the premiere was done. Negan is already the best villain in the history of TWD, no matter what happens. He makes the Governor look like a daycare teacher. A cuddly one, at that. One that would let you have an extra juice box after nap time.

-The episode starts off where it ended last season, with Negan standing over the crew, Lucille in tow, ready to take some batting practice. For the most part, the first segment was Negan threatening Rick, and I missed the first minute or two, but luckily, they didn’t show who it was until the second, when it was revealed that it was……Abe. I knew it. I knew it wouldn’t be anyone that we cared about, and by “we”, I mean, “me”. I don’t care about Abe, he hit some smoove one-liners last season, and no one will ever forget him calling someone a “motherdick”, but am I upset that it was him? Not really. Negan probably decided that he might as well take out the biggest person, that would be my thinking. Some people were like, he could add Abe to his army, but I’m pretty sure Negan is good with the army he has. Anyway, Negan beat the blazes outta that dude, who managed to get out something about his nuts as he was dying, kiss ’em or suck ’em or something. Probably be able to rub some brains on his nuts, that’s how hard Negan was hittin’ him.

-And then Daryl, who I wished it would have been, decided to be a big man and jump up at Negan, I think he even managed to get a punch in. Negan had Lucille in front of Rosita, telling her to look at Abe’s brains as he put it together that they were something, and what did Negan say? If anyone moved, some shit was about to fly. Dogg, he WARNED you. So Negan has to prove that he is a man of his word, and took it out on Glenn’s skull. Now this was slightly upsetting, but it would have been moreso if what happened with Glenn and the dumpster hadn’t happened. I figured he wouldn’t get it because if he got outta that, Glenn was Superman. But Negan ain’t a buncha dumbass zombies that decided, well, we can’t reach him so we’ll move on, and went to town on Glenn’s head. And that’s on Daryl, that’s on y’alls man, your saviour, ol’ non-showerin’ ass. I really wish it would have been him just to see people furious. And he woulda deserved it because this is on him. And I’m prepared to be mad when he survives this. Because he WILL survive this.

-HE DOESN’T EVEN DO ANYTHING.

-Glenn said something to Maggie before Negan hit ’em with the death blow, but I don’t know what he said. Hopefully, it was, “this is Daryl’s fault”. Anyway, RIP to Glenn. Season 1 vet, and last season’s, “I was just supposed to be delivering pizzas” line is up there with Carol’s “Look at the flowers” from Season 4 as my favorites. But I’m happy it happened. TWD was getting complacent. If Game Of Thrones has taught us anything, it’s that anyone can get it at any time, and this was basically TWD’s version of “The Red Wedding”. For a minute, I REALLY thought Rick would get it, too. That’s how frightening Negan is.

-Somewhere in between this, Rick says something about, not today, not tomorrow, blah blah blah, but he’s gon’ kill Negan. And he will, because The Walking Dead (actually, now I believe it will be Maggie). But for now, Negan is in charge and he drags Rick into his camper, where he also has Abe’s axe. He tells Rick to try and get it and kill him, and then surprises him with a machine gun, because Rick really thought Negan was that stupid. Negan takes him out to one of the last traps they ran into in the Season 6 finale, “Last Day On Earth“, the joint where they hung ya man off the overpass. Negan throws his axe outside of the camper and tells Rick to go get it for him, basically to see if he will. And here is where shit REALLY got ridiculous. First, it looks like the place is swarming with zombies, but Negan kills like, two of them as he opens the door and there is a clear path. Okay, fine, whatever. Then Rick fights off a couple, but again, it looks like there are roughly 20,000 walkers around him. Cool. Then Rick runs to the top the camper, but I didn’t see him grab an axe and next thing you know, the axe is beside him. I don’t even think Rick saw the axe when Negan threw it out. Rick is going through a buncha scenarios in which everyone dies if he doesn’t get this axe back to Negan, so…..sorry, I just chuckled remembering this scene because it’s ridiculous, remember ol’ boy that they hung off the overpass? Yeah dogg…..Rick fuckin’ jumped on him and hung there for a minute. But really, this might have been the most realistic part of the scene because dude was freshly dead and turned, so he would have been able to hang there for a minute before falling, as we saw. If it was an older zombie, shit would have just slid off. But Negan is there to shoot away any zombies that were close to Rick, because Negan needs him to alive to go back to Alexandria and tell everyone who the new leader is.

-BUT YO…….am I the only one that noticed that in this whole exchange, it would go to light, and then it would be crazy foggy? Negan said dawn was breaking, but when he threw Rick out of the camper, that shit looked like Silent Hill. Anyway, it was all ridiculous, but it’s The Walking Dead, so it is what it is. This is what I mean when I say, it’s not a well-done show. It’s not. But it’s entertaining.

-They go back to the site, and it’s light out now, officially. Negan doesn’t think Rick gets it, and really, this entire episode was all about Negan planting his flag in Rick’s group and saying, y’all are mine now. So, he gets his people to put guns to Rick’s people, and he brings Carl over to Rick, and he tells Rick that he has to cut Carl’s left arm off. Now, comic people will come out of the woodwork to tell you what this is about, and yes, I know, and we don’t care. Don’t be that person. Anyway, Rick tearfully pleads to Negan to let it be him and Carl is basically telling Rick not to be a bitch, and just do it. Man, you gotta respect Carl at this point. He told Rick to stop being a punk in what, last season, maybe the season before (it was Season 4….look at me fact-checkin’)? Negan even starts a countdown, but he doesn’t get Rick to do it, although it would have been hilarious if he did. He tells Rick that he’ll be by Alexandria next week for his first order of….um, do we even know what he wants from Alexandria? How about EVERYTHING? Let’s go with EVERYTHING.

-Negan and ’em pack up and leave, leaving what is left of that crew to sit there and think about what happened. Maggie is obviously a mess and everyone tries to console her, while Eugene and Sasha go to Rosita over Abe. Maggie keeps saying that she’s going to drag Glenn back to Alexandria and everyone is like, that’s stupid, we’ll take ’em both, Negan is a nice guy and left us a truck. So, I assume they load up the bodies and head back to Alexandria, although the last thing I remember is Maggie standing between two puddles of blood/brain/hair/whatever is left of Glenn and Abe.

-Oh, in my shitting on his existence, I almost forgot to even say what happened to Daryl. They threw his ass in a van and took him somewhere. Hopefully, to inflict pain on him. That’s it. Ol’ loud spaghetti-slurpin’ ass.

-Oh, before I forget, the dinner scene. The dream joint which is narrated by Negan, who is saying to Rick that he thought the group was going to grow old together. I hope they didn’t really think that would happen. For the rest of your life, in that world, you have to be on edge because if it ain’t Negan, it would be someone else. Glenn and Maggie at the head of the table with their son, drinking wine. Well, we have the premise for Season 24: Glenn Jr. hunts down Negan and avenges his death.

-I’m just happy it wasn’t Michonne or Maggie. Those might have been deal-breakers. Probably not, but I would have thought about it.

This was about as far as they could go in the premiere, and I hope that this isn’t the last main character we see go. The Walking Dead is the highest-rated cable show in TV history, and it was resting on its laurels a bit. It was good to see them shake shit up a bit. So next week, I assume we’ll see Carol and Morgan, the burial of Abe and Glenn, Negan making his first trip to Alexandria and hopefully, what I’m waiting for the most this season, the black guy with the dreads and the tiger. WHERE IN THE FUCK DO YOU FIND A TIGER IN THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE? That’s my man, tho.

Welcome back, The Walking Dead. May you be consistently inconsistent throughout this entire season, and I’ll be here for all of it.

 

The Walking Dead S06E12 – Not Tomorrow Yet

The Walking Dead is coming down the homestretch now with “Not Tomorrow Yet”, as the battle with Negan and the Saviors is looming. This was a nice little start, but the ending definitely raised the stakes. Let’s go…..

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-We open with Carol, doing her little homemaker thing, going through how much food they don’t have anymore in Alexandria. Remember that run Daryl and Rick were supposed to make, to find crops and shit, and instead started fuckin’ around with Jesus and not driving back to the spot like they were supposed to? Yeah. But she takes some time out to kill a walker while out looking for stuff, and it’s gon’ take a lot of Tide pens to get that blood out. Anyway, she makes acorn cookies, and I’d eat ’em, because her casseroles were godly and her cookies shut Sam up….also made him go a little crazy, but these things happens. She gives the cookies to everyone, including Tobin, and they do some weird old-people flirting. This is going to be gross.

-Rick and ’em return and Rick tells everyone to meet at the church in an hour. He tells Carol that they’re gon’ have to fight, and Carol looks like she feels some kinda way about it. Killa Carol…..now is NOT the time to get soft on me. That’s how mufuckas die, and you’re the only person on this godforsaken show that I don’t want to die. Then Morgan comes around the corner and asks Carol why he didn’t tell Rick about the Wolf that he tried to rehabilitate, and Carol is like, we ain’t got time for that shit right now. Morgan always wants to talk about shit. Then she drops a cookie off at Sam’s headstone and we’re off.

-Rick tells the group of a plan to kill the Saviors before they attack Alexandria, and OH LOOK, THERE GOES MORGAN WANTING TO TALK TO THEM. I’m getting real sick of this guy….but it sucks because he can fight and you need fighters. I know he wasn’t around for Terminus or the Governor, but this is getting ridiculous. No one has his back, though, and Rick is like, aight, everybody gotta die. But for a second, Jesus looks at Morgan, and I bet he’ll talk to Morgan at some point. I don’t trust that dude for a second.

-Carol wakes up in the middle of the night and adds “Ws7” to a list, which means she killed seven of the Wolves, and she tallies up that she has killed 18 people so far. KILLA CAROL PUTTIN’ IN WORK.

-Sigh. She’s gon’ die.

-Maggie tells Glenn that she is going on this mission because she is the one who brokered the deal, but she will stay on the perimeter. This seems like a REALLY bad idea. I admire her courage, but Maggie has bigger things to worry about. Going out on potential killing missions while pregnant has to be against some kind of rule, although I guess all rules are out in the zombie apocalypse.

-Carol finds Tobin on his porch, and Tobin marvels at her ability  to do, as he says, things that terrify him. He boils it down to her maternal instinct and being protective, but he also says that she is more to him to that, and they kiss. Yup. She’s dying. I’m just preparing for that now. Fuck.

-Abe is packing up his shit and Rosita is like, NAH BRUH. And then he hits her with, “I thought you were the last woman on Earth, but you’re not”. What a dickhole. I don’t know, some people like him, but I’ve never liked Abe. Honestly, he could die in this episode and I’d be like, cool. But again, you need fighters. But for a laugh, Eugene got the door shut on him and I got this text from my homegirl Holly: “And for comic relief, we got Eugene seeing his parents split up”. That nails that.

-Elsewhere, Tara and Denise have a moment and Tara tells her that she loves her, which seems like it’s moving kinda fast, but hey, it’s the zombie apocalypse. Denise says she’ll say it when Tara comes back; she is also going on a two-week run after they do this mission. Meanwhile, Rick gives the blueprint for how they’re going to attack the Saviors, and that they’re going to give them Gregory’s head. This sounds like a bloody plan. I like it.

-That Brothers Grimsby movie looks terrible. I might be the only person in the world that doesn’t find that Borat dude funny.

-The group gets to a spot and they beep horns to attract walkers, and they decide they’ll meet later. Father Bitchass tells Rick that he won’t back down and Rick is like, why you still wearin’ that church stuff. and FB replies that he still thinks he is who he was, or some bullshit. Also, it’ll be harder for them to see him in the dark. Now THAT shit was funny. Then Rosita runs up on Carol and tells her that she almost told Rick and ’em about Morgan in the church, and Carol tells her to keep her mouth shut, which she agrees to do, but Rosita’s so mad. For good reason, but she’s maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. Better not run up on Carol like you’re about to do something.

-Glenn and Heath kills two walkers and they tell each other that they haven’t killed people yet, only walkers. I’ll take their word for it because I’m not looking through six seasons of stuff, but that surprises me about Glenn. He has never shot anyone? Not even at Terminus or with the Governor? Huh. Interesting.

-Glenn had sawed off that walker’s head, which added to the numbers of heads. Rick’s plan is to use one of those heads to fool the Saviors, who would think it was Gregory, and then roll in through the front. Jesus says that the nose on the head Rick picked is different from Gregory, so Rick punches the head in the face a buncha times. Andy, who was part of the Hilltops, says “the Saviors: they’re scary but those pricks got nothing on you.”. Yeah, dogg, Rick ain’t here for fuckin’ around. He makes terrible decisions and he’s probably going to get people killed, but he doesn’t go back on what he decides.

-YOOOOOOOOOOOO That Fear The Walking Dead: Flight 462 joint. He FINALLY turned. Ate the fuck outta his wife, too haha.

The Purge: Election Year. That is a real thing. I thought it was fake until just now.

-Andy rolls up to the Saviors’ compound with the head in a bag, and the guards say that it’s cool, but Daryl slides up and kills one of them while the other goes to get someone. The group heads into the compound and starts puttin’ in work, and Rick gets kill of the week for slowly, and grossly, putting his knife in the head of a sleeping dude. That shit was great. Glenn and Heath do the same thing, although Glenn takes one for Heath, who ain’t about that life. Man, I coulda SWORN Glenn killed a mufucka or three before. But he doesn’t feel so bad now, because the Saviors kept trophy pictures of people they killed, with their heads crushed. And these are the mufuckas Morgan want to talk to? Fuck outta here.

-Tara and Father B (I’m just getting lazy now, and I barely remember dude’s name at this point) are with Jesus, Andy and some Craig guy, that the guard apparently went to get (and I assume he is dead now) in a car. Tara tells Father B that she feels some kinda way about this mission, and that is why she told Denise that she loved her, and Father B is like, well, you have a reason to fight now. If only Jesus and Andy knew that they could get outta this with no problems. Get past Tara and they’re good.

-Abe and Sasha find a Savior and after a fight, the Savior pulls the alarm, so there goes that plan. Maggie wants to go in and fight, and Carol is like, are you fuckin’ crazy? Shoulda left her ass at home. The fight is on now; Aaron has to stab a guy after running in his room, Tara pops two people, Glenn and Heath find an armory and lay waste to a buncha people on the other side of the door, and Jesus finishes one of them off. Even Father B kills someone, and hits ’em with an “Amen”. Alright, buddy. That’s a good start to removing the B from your name.

-In the morning, the group does a sweep. Glenn asks Heath and Tara to postpone their run, but they decide to go anyway. We see Morgan back at Alexandria, welding what I think is a door for a cell. Michonne asks Rick about which one he thought Negan was and just then, a Savior comes outta nowhere on Daryl’s bike. Rosita shoots him, Daryl punches him a couple times and all is good….until a female voice comes over the radio that is on the Savior. The voice tells Rick to lower his gun, which is pointed at the Savior, and she says that they have Carol and Maggie, and they should talk about some stuff.

-I didn’t see the post-credit scene if there was one, so yeah, I’ll look for that later.

So, we’ll find out who this woman was next week, and I assume she’ll get us closer to Negan. I know Negan is a dude until the casting news that came out last year was a lie. But now that they have Carol and Maggie, all bets are off. My bet is that Carol doesn’t make it back to Alexandria, and it’ll be Rick’s fault somehow (probably being a hothead). But hey, gotta take risks and they would have come for Alexandria anyway. These last four episodes of The Walking Dead are about to be fire, I can feel it.

 

The Walking Dead S06E03 – Thank You

Only three episodes into the sixth season of The Walking Dead, there are a lot of moving parts, and a lot of things can happen. “Thank You” is a huge game-changer and it’s going to be interesting how things go moving forward. See how I did that without being a spoiler? It’s not that fucking hard. Let’s go………

-We open with Rick, Glenn, Michonne and the rest of the crew heading back to Alexandria after hearing that horn from the end of “First Time Again“, and of course, we saw what caused the horn to sound off in “JSS“. Rick is in Ricktatorship mode, telling Daryl, Sasha and Abe to continue leading their portion of the walker herd away, while he tells Glenn and Michoone that he is going to grab the RV to redirect the rest of the herd the other way. He also tells Michonne that all of the Alexandrians aren’t gon’ make it and to keep going if anyone can’t keep up, and of course, Heath, homeboy with the braids, overhears. And guess what? Rick is right. These first three episodes have been a study in the Alexandrians not getting it. But more on that later.

-And on cue, one of the Alexandrians gets grabbed by a walker and dies, and after killing the walker, Michonne stabs the guy in the head with her sword. Rick pats him down, grabs an energy bar and his gun and goes on his way, while the rest of the Alexandrians are stunned as shit. A couple things here: good on Rick, not wasting supplies. Two, these walkers aren’t smart or fast…..how in the hell are Alexandrians getting caught up like that? These mufuckas are children. Actually, I won’t even diss children like that. The horn stopped, though, so that is encouraging.

-The group rolls on before encountering more walkers, and really, Glenn and Michonne could have just hung back and handled it. But naaaaaaaaaaaah, the Alexandrians wanna get involved, one of them pulls a gun out and is shook, and ends up shooting one of his people in the leg. Nicholas freezes because he is a well-known fuckboy, and another one, David is his name, apparently, gets bitten on the shoulder. Oh, and Glenn has to carry this girl who was running and twisted her ankle. These mufuckas, bruh. I’m not saying I would be Rambo in the zombie apocalypse, but holy shit, come on, dogg. At least give yourself a chance.

-Daryl tells Abe and Sasha that he is going back to help with Alexandria and while they try to tell him to stick with the plan, Daryl doesn’t give a damn and leaves anyway. Daryl has been kinda on the fence since they got to Alexandria and really, I thought he’d just drive off by himself, away from everyone. He hasn’t been the same since Beth died. Shoot, he has probably taken it harder than Maggie. I keep saying I’ma let that slide, but I’m really not gonna.

-The group continues to walk, and David looks at his shoulder, and Michonne is like, we need to kill this mufucka SOON. He wants to see his wife one last time, but it doesn’t look promising. They get to a town and they figure out that it’s the place where Nicholas and Aiden made the run that got their people killed, so at least they know their way around. They want to stop and find some treatment for Scott’s gunshot wound, and Glenn is skeptical of stopping, but Michonne figures that they have a little time ahead of the herd. Nah, bruh. You should keep going. But Michonne is deadly with her sword, so you listen to her.

-As they’re going through the town, they run into the kid that shot Scott and ran off and well, he’s walker food now, so fuck him. Nicholas freezes again and Glenn has to make him snap out of it, and then they run into more walkers, so they run into a pet store to get away. Glenn’s plan is to get to a building and set it on fire to distract the herd, and Nicholas knows just the place. Meanwhile, Heath makes a couple smart remarks and Michonne looks at him like, the fuck did you say? She also offers to go because Glenn has Maggie, but he says that is why he is doing it. Oh Lawd.

-Glenn radios his plan to Rick, who is sprinting down the road and man, his stamina is incredible. He then runs into three walkers, who stop eating and while Glenn is telling him the plan, Rick kills all of them. But he looks at his hand like he has arthritis or something, and I vaguely remember something about his hand bothering him from the past.

-Annie and Scott basically tell the rest of the group to leave them behind, but Heath isn’t having it and gives Michonne a dirty look and oooooooooh, buddy….you don’t wanna do this. Michonne runs up on him like Ice Cube in Boyz N The Hood on some “WE GOT A PROBLEM, HERE” shit and Heath tells her that he overheard what Rick said. Michonne basically tells him that he has no idea what it’s like outchea in these streets, and his little supply runs don’t mean shit. Rick has been out here surviving, she has been out here surviving, and that Heath has never been covered in so much blood, you don’t know if it’s yours, the walkers and your friends. Basically, you don’t have a choice how you get to live this life anymore. You do what you gotta do or you die…..Glenn told him that in the first episode. Heath gotta die, bruh. I DARE him to go at Michonne; she would light his ass up.

-Glenn and Nicholas are wandering around, and they come across a walker that Nicholas recognizes as someone from his ill-fated run with Aiden, and it takes him a while, but he manages to suck it up and kill it. Then they hear gunshots coming from Alexandria, so yo, they gotta be close.

-The group is in the pet store, tryna figure out a way to get out while Rick gets to the RV. In the pet store, David is writing a goodbye note to his wife, but Michonne won’t take it as she writes on her hand that he is getting home. They’re tryna be quiet because quite a herd of walkers are walking past the store, and then, a couple of walkers that are inside the store start banging on a door, so they have to kill them. However, the walkers outside hear the noise and they start coming, so they have to get out NOW.

-So they rush out of the pet store and start to run away, but Annie falls, as she is prone to do apparently, and gets eaten. Glenn and Nicholas get to the store that Nicholas suggested they burn, but it has already been burned, so they need a Plan B and of course, Nicholas freezes AGAIN. Glenn, man….just kill this dude, he don’t even wanna live. But they continue on, while the other group get to a gate that they all have to climb, one by one, and Michonne and David are the last two. The walkers are getting closer and get their hands on the pair, while Glenn and Nicholas are trapped in an alley and they get up on a dumpster. Michonne gets away of course, but yeah….not David. Not even close. He was gon’ die anyway. These things happen.

-Nicholas is looking around at these walkers and instead of tryna figure out a way to get out of it, he shoots himself in the head in front of Glenn, who tries to catch his body….but Glenn falls over with the body and yeah……death pool win for me. I called Glenn dying this season because, here is the thing: you CAN’T be a nice guy in the zombie apocalypse. You just can’t. I mean, you can, but you won’t last. I’m surprised Glenn lasted this long, to be honest. But this could have been avoided a few ways. Glenn could have killed Nicholas like, 14 times. Why did Glenn even try to catch the body? He could have just let it drop and let them feast on Nicholas, and maybe gotten away another way. Not likely because there was a BUNCH of walkers, but it was stupid the way that he died. Anyway, I watched it once. The second time through, I had to fast-forward. Bye, Pizza Boy. You were a good dude.

-Michonne, Heath and Scott limp through the woods and as they cross a creek, Heath sees that he is covered in blood and he gets what Michonne is talking about. Yeah, dogg….it gets tres fucking real in these streets, so stop bitching about what choices you think you have the right to make. Fuck yo’ rights.

-Rick stops the RV and gets to where Glenn told him to go, but Glenn isn’t responding on the radio, and he’s like, hmmmmmm. Then he tells Daryl about the plan, but Daryl is just drivin’, bruh. I don’t even know where at this point. But Rick gets jumped in the RV by a person, which turns into two people, and after a struggle, Rick shoots them both. Then he looks outside to see that there is more….and it’s the group of Wolves that Morgan let free. Rick grabs an assault rifle and just mows everyone down, and yo…..that’s how it is done now. You kill first, and ask questions later. But nnnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooo……..mufuckas want to talk and negotiate. Fuck outta here, b.

-I think Daryl is going back to Abe and Sasha?

-Michonne and ’em get back to Alexandria, where she sees shit burned down and pulls out her sword because she knows something is up.

-Yeah, Daryl has rejoined Abe and Sasha to lead the herd away. Meanwhile, Rick tries to start the RV, but no luck. He better figure it out soon, though, because a herd comes out of the forest and starts to surround the RV.

Getting it spoiled for me was a letdown, but it was still a very good episode of The Walking Dead as the Alexandrians should all know how shit has to be now. Really, if Rick hadn’t come up with this plan, they would have been prepared even worse, and none of them would have survived. But now Rick has to get out of this jam (he will), I have no idea how far Daryl and ’em are from Alexandria, but they gotta get back. Next week’s preview was focused on Morgan, so we should be able to figure out why he’s on some peace shit now, and that episode will probably end with either Rick, or Michonne getting back to Alexandria.  But I’m waiting to see Maggie. First Herschel, then Beth, and now Glenn. She is going to be motherfucking LIVID. I want Nicholas to come back to life so she can fuck him up.

The Walking Dead is off to a wild and outstanding start this season. I doubt it’ll continue because there will be a lull at some point, but so far, so good.

 

The Walking Dead S06E01 – First Time Again

The Walking Dead returned for its sixth season on Sunday night with “First Time Again”, and the prevailing feeling I have about it as I write is that as much as I liked Fear The Walking Dead, and it was all fine and good, I’ll take the original, please and thank you. Not that I’m surprised, but this episode is why we’ve all continued to watch it, right? Let’s go………

-We open up at a rocky quarry and it’s funny, because I was talking to someone and was like, I wonder if we’ll see many zombies tonight? I wouldn’t have been surprised in the slightest if there was none in the episode. After a quick shot going back to when Rick killed Pete, in the quarry in present time, you have Rick standing in front of ALL OF THE ZOMBIES. Like, hundreds or thousands of them. Off in the distance, a truck that was keeping the herd at bay collapses into the quarry and Rick yells, “WE HAVE TO DO THIS NOW”, and some bitch-ass dude named Carter who we’ve never seen before tries to plead with Rick, saying that they’re not ready. Here is the thing: it doesn’t matter if you’re ready. Whatever plan they’re tryna put into place, the fact is, the walkers are coming, so you better get your ass ready. Rick says as much and this Carter dude is gon’ be a problem. We never saw him in Season 5, but he helped Reg (Deanna’s late husband) build the wall. The wall that might have been backwards, but that is neither here nor there, I guess.

-While this is going on, Glenn is with Nicholas, the dude that tried to kill him multiple times last season, but Glenn let him live, and that’s why Glenn will eventually die. Nicholas is apparently on board with everything Glenn says, but I don’t believe him and I don’t think Glenn does, either.

-Also, it’s good to see AMC sinking more money into TWD. The walkers look better, the shot of the thousands of walkers from the top of the quarry was awesome…..good for them. All their other shows are about to eat, too. To use a sports analogy, TWD is the football program at, say, the University of Georgia. It brings in all of the money, and then their little swimming and tennis programs get to survive. I could go deeper into this, but y’all don’t care.

-This episode goes back and forth between the present and the past, and the past is in black and white, so in this flashback, we have Gabriel (FATHER BITCHASS BACK) walking up on Deanna, who is sitting in a pool of what we can assume is Reg’s blood after Pete killed him. Deanna says to Gabriel that he was wrong, probably for being a snitch-ass mufucka. You know what? We’re going back to Father Bitchass. He doesn’t deserve his name to be spoken. He’d still be on that rock if it wasn’t for Rick and ’em.

-Abe is carrying a body that we know is Reg’s as they show his wedding ring, and Abe is on the booze with 2Pac’s “Pour Out A Little Liquor” as his soundtrack, pouring his booze on the body. Jessie, ol’ girl that Rick was tryna get it poppin’ with before he killed her abusive husband, is tryna comfort her sons and the oldest, Ron, is being an asshole because like father, like son. Rosita and Tara are in a makeshift hospital, I guess, and I had to look it up because I forgot what happened to Tara. She got hurt during a supply run. I honestly do not remember this happening. Glenn and Nicholas come in, too, so this must be shortly after Glenn didn’t kill him. Eugene comes in too, and Tara says something about his hair. Eugene might be bringing mullets back. I’m scared.

-Carl sits down next to the little girl he was chasing last season, Enid, and I didn’t catch this on the first watch, but in the background, you see Ron in the background, being a hater. I bet he was tryna holla at Enid before Carl came along, and then Rick killed his father? Yeah, Ron ’bout to be a problem for the Grimes family.

-Rick, Morgan and Daryl, still in the past, are in a house and Morgan tells Rick that he was right, it wasn’t over, so I’m assuming that goes back a couple seasons to when they last saw each other. Rick then tells Morgan that he doesn’t take chances anymore before it cuts to Abe, drinking again, and he has Reg’s wedding ring. Shouldn’t he give that to Deanna? Then he flashes a peace sign at Sasha, who finally relents and gives him one back, but she’s lookin’ at him like, this mufucka drunk AGAIN. Abe tryna get it poppin’, tho. I ain’t mad at him. Rosita might be, tho.

-In the past, Abe and Sasha are driving down a road, while a buncha people are also running and Rick is relaying the plan via radio to everyone that was one. So the plan is to try and lead the herd away from Alexandria as far as possible, I guess. Rick tells them to keep their heads….I have written down, “one of the new people ’bout to die”. Keep that in mind.

-Daryl is on his bike in the present and it flashes back to the past, where Rick and Daryl are talking about what happened with Daryl and Aaron with the trucks and the walker with the “W” on her forehead. Daryl seems to be a little skeptical of Rick’s takeover plan, but he’ll stay down for the cause….I think.

-In the present, Sasha and Abe get to a checkpoint and Rick says, here comes a parade. Back to the past, Rick walks into a house where they have Morgan locked up on some Akon shit, and that must be what Rick meant when he said he didn’t take chances anymore. He might have been right because Morgan is gettin’ his Donatello on with his bow staff. Remember, Morgan just met back up with Rick again as he was killing Pete, so Morgan is a little wary of the new Rick. I’ve been saying that the first half of Season 6 is gon’ be Rick vs. Morgan.

-Eugene is at the gate patrolling when a car rolls up, and two dudes and a girl get out of the car. Eugene lets them in after some small-talk, and he says something to one of the brothas, Heath, who has braids, that he respects his hair game. Heath looks at him like, this mufucka tho? That face was good.

-Rick and Morgan walk up to find Father Bitchass and Tobin tryna bury Pete’s body, and Rick isn’t havin’ it. Then Deanna walks up and was like, nah, get his ass outside the safe zone, and all the while, Ron is watching as well. He gotta go. In the present, Rick, Morgan and Michonne get to their checkpoint, and Morgan starts grillin’ Michonne about a missing protein bar. Morgan better watch out.

-Oh, can we get someone with nunchuks and a pair of sais to complete the Ninja Turtle set? Come on, why not? WE NEED THESE JOKES.

-Rick and Morgan are burying Pete and Ron has followed them, but they don’t know that. Rick just wants to bury him, but Morgan says that isn’t who Rick is. Since they last saw each other, Rick has lost his wife and seen the Governor….shit done changed, bruh. That is when Rick hears something and they discover the quarry full of walkers and really, if it wasn’t for a couple of 18-wheelers, the herd would have been at Alexandria already. Then they hear Ron running through the woods, being chased by walkers, and they save his dumb ass, but he’s still tryna be a smart ass with Rick, who shoulda dropkicked his ass in the quarry. I guess, he’s still hurt about Rick killing his father, but your father was an asshole. Be there for your moms and stop being a bitch. Also, in the next scene, he looks at Rick like he’s gon’ do something. Man, sit your ass down somewhere. Anyway, he ends up burying Pete, who didn’t deserve a burial.

-In the present, Daryl is the pied piper of the walkers, leading the giant herd down the road, where he meets up with Abe and Sasha. Again, good use of money, AMC. Glenn, Nicholas and Heath are at a store, coming up with a plan and Glenn has the best line of the episode as Heath is like, “this was supposed to be a dress rehearsal”, of the plan that Rick came up with. Glenn looks at him like, “I was supposed to be delivering pizzas, man”. The Alexandria people are basically everyone in Fear The Walking Dead in that they’re not ready for this, but Glenn knows that you don’t get a choice in whether you’re ready for it or not. You gotta be ready, or you die. It’s really that simple. That’s why a buncha Alexandria people are probably gon’ die, and they’ll probably take Glenn with ’em because he’s too good for this show.

-In the past, they’re having a town-hall meeting where Rick tells them about the quarry herd and how they’re gon’ put this plan into action. Carter is fighting it because basically, he’s scared. We also see Killa Carol for the first time, and I’m psyched about it. Carter says they can do this without confronting the walkers, and Good Lord, I hate him I hate him I hate him. The actor just has this worried look on his face the entire time.

-Daryl, Abe and Sasha lead the herd to Rick, Morgan and Michonne, who are behind a wall, and that’s the plan: use noise to get the herd to follow them as far away as possible. In the past, they’re going over the blueprints for the plan and Carter is still tryna say it won’t work, but Deanna basically says, you’re either in or out, take your pick, and like the punk he is, he agrees to get in. I don’t even know why they need him. Your first round of walls were trash. Second time is a charm, I guess.

-In the past, they’re constructing said walls, Daryl is still being skeptical and Carol walks up to Rick with a glass of something. Carol is Rick’s liasion with the people of Alexandria, and she says that everyone thinks Deanna is in charge, but really, it’s Rick. Morgan introduces himself to Carol and says that she’s all watching and ready to handle shit….oh, he’ll learn about that soon enough.

-Glenn, Nicholas and Heath are getting ready to put their plan into action, and then back in the past, Maggie tells Tara about what Nicholas did to Glenn. Tara is ready to let the choppa sing, but Maggie says some shit about them being on opposite sides when Herschel was killed, but now they’re cool. Glenn’s threesome is still in play, even though he keeps tryna not make it happen. You ain’t got much time left, dogg.

-Glenn and his crew start takin’ out the walkers, and Nicholas almost gets himself killed because Glenn doesn’t trust him to do anything, but he steps up to help and Glenn lets him kill the last one. I still don’t trust this mufucka.

-Abe and Sasha are driving along, Abe notices something in the woods and jumps out of the car, and really, their whole interaction isn’t important except for one part. Abe asks Sasha if she took this part of the mission because she wants to die, because last time we saw her, she was on a suicide mission. But she seems to be okay now, and I think it’s Abe that wants to die. Abe might have jumped Glenn in my “Death List” power rankings, which is currently Abe, Glenn, Rosita, Carol and Morgan.

-In the past, Rick gives his condolences to Deanna and says she made the right call to let him kill Pete, when two walkers roll up behind Carter, and yo, there is like, maybe four or five walkers at most by the end of it, while Carter has like seven people. All them bitches freeze, yo, and Rick and ’em gotta clean it up because Carter is a punk. HOLY SHIT. PLEASE KILL THIS DUDE.

-I watched this commercial for Fear The Walking Dead: Flight 462. This might be getting a bit much. AMC might mess around and turn into 47 versions of The Walking Dead.

-In the past, Eugene is getting supplies when he overhears Carter in the other room, plotting to kill Rick, but Tobin and ’em are like, nah. Poor Eugene can’t get out of his own way and drops a jar, and Carter hears him and puts a gun on him, but we all know he won’t do it. Mufucka can’t kill a walker, and he’s gon’ kill a real person? Fuck outta here. Anyway, Rick, Morgan and Daryl walk up and Rick is like, the fuck is goin’ on? He takes the gun from Carter as easily as you’d like, puts it on him and is like, y’all want war with the gawd of these here streets? Carter surely pissed himself. Daryl and Morgan are in the background like, good grief, and Daryl tells Rick to calm down. Rick is like, cool, gives him the gun, and he really should have at least punched Carter in the face.

-Back in the present, the plan is going swimmingly and Carter finally acknowledges that Rick was right and shakes his hand, and I immediately perk up because I’m like, this mufucka ’bout to DIE. He even goes off by himself ahead of the pack, where he gets grabbed by a walker who bites him square in the face, and I might have cheered. Of course, Rick kills the walker, but Carter won’t shut the fuck up, which is drawing the herd away from the road and ruining the plan, so Rick kills him and Morgan be frownin’ like shit, Michonne too. But yo, Carter was bitten, he had to go. There was really nothing else Rick could do. He woulda turned anyway.

-In the middle of this, we flash back to Rick, who is holding Judith, and he lets Morgan get his shit and bring it over to the house. They have a moment about knowing each other, and they do, but they don’t. Rick tells Morgan that he wanted to kill Carter because he’s weak and people like that can’t survive out here in these streets, and he’s completely right. Of course, that’s what makes Morgan frown at him when he eventually kills Carter, but HE GOT BIT IN THE FACE, BRUH. Mufuckas still ain’t learned. Morgan and Michonne look like they’re plottin’ too. During the speech to Morgan, I was lookin’ at Andrew Lincoln like, he might be a better actor than I give him credit for, or maybe it’s just that he is the perfect role for him.

-Rick gets supplies from Jessie and tries to talk to her, but she’s not really in the mood, even though she knows Rick was right in what he did. She also tells him that Ron ain’t tryna hear what he is saying because he’s the man that killed his father. This just came to me: I wonder if Ron tries to go after Carl to get back at Rick? He wouldn’t go after Judith because I think for all the shit we see on this show, they won’t kill Judith. Jessie also says she is now learning how to shoot a gun, which can’t end well.

-Finally, the herd is going along and the plan is for Abe, Sasha and Daryl to lead them about 20 more miles down the road. Then they hear a loud horn, which of course, perks up the walkers and they realize that it’s coming from towards Alexandria. My first thought? DEM WOLVES ARE HERE. We know they have loudspeakers because that is how they attract the walkers back into the containers where Daryl and Aaron were. And I bet they were watching the place the entire time, waiting until Rick and ’em weren’t there, and they rolled up on Alexandria, took that shit hostage (because who is gon’ stop ’em? Killa Carol and Maggie are the only real ones left back there) and are leading the herd back to the spot.

That was an excellent start to Season 6 of The Walking Dead. It set up the first half of the season personally, the Rick/Morgan situation, the Glenn/Nicholas situation, Carter died brutally, Ron is about to be a little bitch and the potential for the Wolves to step in and be like, y’all need to worry about us now. At this point, six seasons in, The Walking Dead is what it is. Like the Ricktatorship, either get down or lay down.

The Walking Dead S05E13 – Forget

In Ep. 12, The Walking Dead wanted you (and the crew) to “Remember”, which I took to mean remembering what it was like to be around “civilized” people. In Ep. 13, they’re asked to “Forget”. Some of the crew are willing to do it; others, not so much. Let’s go……

-We start with Sasha lying in the dark, staring at pictures of some family she doesn’t know, and she has been well on her way to snapping. Morning comes and she goes to where they keep the guns, where the woman watching them (Olivia) asks if Sasha can bring her back a boar leg and Sasha is like, man, what? Sure, just lemme go and do this thing. She goes out to the woods with all the pictures she was staring at because hey, she needs something for target practice. It sounds like she hears something in the woods, but it seems to be all in her head, fueling her anger. Then she sits on a stump and says, “come and get me”. Shit, two episodes ago, she was ready to take on a horde by herself. Now she got a little food in her? Sasha gon’ fuck someone up.

-Rick, Carol and Daryl meet out by where Rick stashed his gun in the blender, which is now missing, of course, and start planning to take their weapons back. A walker rolls up and Carol shoots it multiple times because the story is that the guys are taking her out to learn how to shoot, which is hilarious. Carol says that she’ll leave a latch open for the guys to get guns, then they notice the “W” on the walker’s head….or is it an “M”? Probably a “W” with the Wolves connotation and all. Just a thought I had as the camera panned around.

-Michonne is trying on her uniform, and she and Rick try to figure out if this is all a plan. He wonders if it’s for “then” or “now”, and Michonne says, “this IS now”. She’s so tired. She just wants to be somewhere and chill. That’s not good for anyone.

-Daryl is out in the woods and he hears Aaron sneaking on him, and Aaron is surprised that he can tell that Daryl can tell the difference between a human and a walker. Dude, it’s not hard, one is usually moaning, dragging its feet and not being sneaky at all. Then Aaron asks if Daryl can tell the difference between a good guy and a bad guy, to which Daryl says there’s no difference anymore. Aaron talks a whole fuckin’ lot. But apparently he wasn’t following Daryl, Aaron was hunting rabbits. Yeah, right. Something doesn’t sit right for me with this cat.

-Deanna is explaining to Rick and Michonne that they’re in charge of enforcing rules, while Maggie is going to help her form a government of sorts. The three begrudgingly agree that this could work, but they’re alarmed at the lack of security, starting with the walls and there are no lookouts? WHAT? These people are either insanely naive or the real danger is inside the walls. Sasha volunteers to be a lookout and Deanna is skeptical, but she says she is having a party, so she wants Sasha to come.

-Carol is going around, taking food orders, smiling so good like she cares about what the fuck they’re eating. She meets with Rick and they decide that tonight, they’ll get some guns. Meanwhile, Daryl and Aaron come across a horse, which he and the kids have named Buttons. Daryl tries to lasso the horse, but he gets spooked by some walkers and runs off, while the guys kill them off and chase the horse.

-Carol then goes to Olivia, who is in charge of the food as well as the guns. Carol scopes out the room for a way to get in, while two men ask her if she’s okay with guns and she’s all, oh, you know, not the best, definitely not with big guns and I’m just dying at this point. She was smiling when that Tobin guy said he would teach her how to shoot, then she turns away and BAM, Killa Carol face.

-Daryl and Aaron are still out there, and Aaron learns that Daryl rides bikes, but the two of them are outsiders. Aaron is working so hard to get Daryl to open up and asks him to go to the party, and he’s pressing a little too much for my liking.

-It’s party time and everyone shows up, there is wine and beer, to which Abe is like, yeah, I’m in. He might need an intervention at some point. Rick meets Deanna’s husband, Reg, aka the guy who built the wall backwards. He tells Rick that he is impressed that he led these people (via the recorded interviews) to safety all this time and even though Rick is hesitant, he tells him to have a drink. Have we seen drunk Rick before? I bet he likes to fight. And right on cue, in walks Jessie and her brood, including her threatening-ass husband that might end up in a triangle choke if he looks at Rick wrong.

-Meanwhile, the horse whisperers are still out tryna catch Secretariat and Aaron gets tripped by a walker. However, the horse gets caught somehow, I thought horses were smarter than that, but I guess not. The two kill the feasting walkers before Aaron puts the horse out of its misery. Aaron says, “he always ran”. WELP, not this time.

-Back at the party, Noah is by himself, being anti-social and wants to leave, but Glenn and Maggie make him stay. Daryl looks at the party, but decides against it and Aaron walks out; turns out he wasn’t even gon’ go to the party and Daryl is like, the fuck you tell me to go for? He invites Daryl in for dinner, so I figure Daryl is gettin’ drugged.

-The party is bumpin’, Olivia shows up so Carol figures it’s the best time to go to the storage place. Jessie introduces Rick to her husband, who says he is a doctor, and he offers to get Rick a refill and when she says she’ll do it, he says, “I’m on it” through gritted teeth. He beats her or something. Ol’ shadowy ass mufucka. Anyway, they’re talking and Rick is lookin’ like, what will it take to get you to cheat? Jessie went on some speech about strangers being in each other’s lives and losing something, but getting something back, which fits for every single person in that room. Jessie’s youngest kid runs up hollerin’ about more cookies and Rick is like, I’ll get ya some more and the kid (Sam) gives him a stamp. Rick looks around like, I gotta be more on top of things.

-Sasha shows up at the party and meets Deanna’s other son, Spencer, not the douche who got his face rocked by Glenn. He mentions Mrs. Niedermayer and her affinity for pastamakers. Sasha is like, all you mufuckas are awkward, b.

-Meanwhile, Daryl is goin’ to town on Aaron’s spaghetti, eating loud as shit as Aaron and Eric are lookin’ at him like he’s an animal. Aaron takes Daryl to the garage, where he sees a bike in a million pieces, which is a huge coincidence, a little too huge for me. Aaron then says he wants Daryl to be a recruiter with him because he doesn’t want Eric outchea in these streets anymore after he wrecked his ankle; that’s why Deanna hasn’t given him a job yet, Aaron told her not to. Still don’t trust this dude. Oh, and he also made another reference to Mrs. Niedermayer and her pastamaker. Is this a code word? Am I missing something? Are we ever gon’ meet this Mrs. Niedermayer and will someone get her a damn pastamaker?

-Michonne is sitting outside and Abe comes out, lookin’ like he’s s tryna holla. Abe is just tryna punch some people, get someone to a place, find something to drink or have as much sex as he can. Ya know, he has kinda grown on me. As long as he doesn’t talk a whole lot.

-Carol sneaks into the window she left open to get the guns, and she realizes that she was followed by Sam, Jessie’s son. He wants cookies, but he has to tell his mom that Carol was in here and BAM…..KILLA CAROL IN THE HOUSE. This is the speech, verbatim: “One morning, you’ll wake up and you won’t be in your bed. (Sam: where will I be?) You’ll be outside the walls, far, far away, tied to a tree and you’ll scream and scream because you’ll be so afraid. No one will come to help because no one will hear you. Well, SOME THING will hear you. The monsters will come; the ones out there. And you won’t be able to run away when they come for you. And they will tear you apart and eat you up while you’re still alive, all while you can still feel it. And then afterwards, no one will ever know what happened to you. Or you can promise not to ever tell anyone what you saw here and then nothing will happen. And you’ll get cookies. LOTS of cookies. I know what I think you should do.”

-BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Man, listen, she backed him up against that wall and you could tell a little bit of pee came out. And then she hit that smile at the last line? Yeah, I apologize to Melissa McBride for thinking anyone else was touching her on The Walking Dead. Good grief. And you know she’ll do everything she said to Sam. She watched Rick shoot her daughter and then the whole thing with Lizzie. You think she gives a damn about this kid she JUST met. Everyone will die, b. EVERYONE. I fucking love her.

-Rick is getting and Jessie walks up holding Judith (side note: I’ve been tryna figure out where I know Jessie from. She’s played by Alexandra Breckenridge, who I know from American Horror Story as the younger redheaded nanny in Murder House and target practice for Cordelia’s husband in Coven). She goes to give Judith to Rick, who kisses her on the cheek. Yep, Rick is that dude at the bar that hits on your girlfriend and wants to fight when you get mad.

-Sasha is at the party, hearing people talk about some trivial shit like favorite meals and flips the fuck out like, THIS IS THE SHIT Y’ALL ARE WORRIED ABOUT? All the while, she sees Bob, Tyreese and Beth, so yeah, the slope is getting more slippery for her. The next morning, Deanna catches her to find out what’s up and Sasha says Alexandria isn’t real. Deanna was like, yeah, that’s cool, but that is bullshit, before she gives Sasha bullets for more target practice or to man the lookout. There is more than meets the eye to Deanna. She’s tougher than people think.

-Rick, Carol and Daryl are in the woods again and Carol tries to give out guns and Daryl is like, do we really need these? Carol is lookin’ at him like, bitch, man the fuck up. Rick takes one, but looks a little uncertain. Michonne is in her house, where she finds a place for her sword above the fireplace. The trio returns and goes their separate ways, but I wonder, the girl who opens the gate for them (we don’t know her name, I don’t think), will she get suspicious and tell Deanna? I would if I were her.

-Rick waves to Jessie and her husband, and she flashes the stamp that Sam gave her as well as Rick, and it’s an “A” for Alexandria, I would think. Her husband, I think his name is Pete, immediately places his hand on her back like, I see you, mufucka. Rick glares at him and goes for his gun, but decides against it for now. He hears some banging, but it’s just a walker on the other side of the wall. Shouldn’t he kill it before it makes enough noise to attract more?

-Question: where were Eugene, Tara and Father Bitchass in regards to the party? I mean, I wouldn’t invite them either, but I figure Deanna would just to keep up appearances. We didn’t see her douche son, either. Some

There is no forgetting in the world of The Walking Dead. These people can’t forget all the shit they’ve gone through to get to this point and there are plenty of reasons why they’re skeptical. Some are trying to forget (Michonne, a little of Daryl and possibly Rick, who got them googly eyes for Jessie), some are not fuckin’ around (Killa Carol, obviously). Three episodes left, I’m ready for the other shoe to drop.

The Walking Dead S05E10 – Them

The Walking Dead continued their trend of giving us some big stuff, then slowing it down a little with “Them” and really, it was to be expected. This happens every season and people still get mad. You can’t kill off a character every episode (although lately, they’ve been giving it a go), and there can’t be zombie-killing parties every week (but there were still enough zombies to make y’all happy, right? Probably not). Let’s go…..

-We open with Maggie, still being sad and leaning on a tree as a walker approaches her. She has this look of utter disgust on her face like, “NOT FUCKING NOW” and stabs it in the head….and continues to cry. Meanwhile, Daryl is diggin’ up worms in the dry dirt and eating them because, why not at this point? Sasha is walking along what looks like a former stream, but everything is dried up, as shown by the dead frogs, which she should have taken for food. Isn’t that what people do? Anyway, they really should have just named this episode, “Fed Up”.

-They walk back to the group with no food or water, and the group didn’t find any either as they’re sitting on the ground around a van. Sasha asks Maggie how she knows they didn’t have any food, but come on Sasha, you woulda heard them partyin’ from the woods if they found something.

-The group runs out of gas and keep walking, but walking in that Georgia heat for a day and a half with no water is getting weary. Rick and Daryl are up ahead a little and Rick says to Daryl something about “we’ll get ’em later, they’re not going anywhere”. I was confused on the first watch because it was 2 AM, but on the second, I noticed the walkers behind them on the road, so that makes sense. Then Rick is tryna get Daryl to talk about his Beth feelings, and Daryl is like, feed your damn baby. But Rick says that it should rain at some point, and I got to thinking, it hasn’t rained in like….I honestly can’t remember the last time it rained on The Walking Dead. At the farmhouse, maybe?

-Carl gives Maggie a music box to remind her of Beth, and thus begins a lot of interaction between characters that have been around each other for a while now, but have never really conversed. I don’t think I remember a time where Maggie and Carl have said two words to each other, with the exception of Lori’s death/Judith’s birth. Meanwhile, Gabriel tries to talk to Maggie about losing her father and sister, and she is absolutely not having it because he didn’t know them, so stop the shit, basically. Then she throws it in his face that he left his congregation outside the church to die, and it was great. The only thing stopping Maggie from going full-on nuts is Glenn, which means I now want him to die.

-The walkers are slowly catching up to the group, and Sasha wants to go back and deal with them, but Michonne tells her to conserve her energy. Then Sasha says she can do it herself, and Michonne compares her to Tyrese, saying he got mad and it made him stupid, and she’s right. Wasn’t Sasha on the brink of death at the prison? She needs to chill.

-Carol and Daryl are out in the woods looking for water, and Carol tells Daryl that Beth saved her life, and to get these feelings out. She also gives Daryl a knife that belonged to Beth and repeats her “we’re not dead” mantra. Then she gives a kiss on the forehead and says that he’ll get it out. Y’all who want Daryl and Carol to get together are creepy, bruh. She’s like his mom, or aunt, that would throw the whole thing off and besides, it would have happened by now. Stop being gross.

-The group stops at a bridge and waits for the walkers to get to them, and instead of wasting energy trying to kill them, they just push them down a hill. Shit, a couple of them just fell down the hill themselves. But then Sasha tries to act hard and starts killing walkers, which means now everyone gotta kill walkers. She ends up cutting Abe on the arm, while Daryl just rips a walker’s scalp off as he’s about to get Rick. After they’re done, Michonne grabs Sasha and says, “I told you to stop” and Sasha looks like she’s about to step to Michonne, who gives her that “you better sit the fuck down” look. You know that look Moms used to give ya? It was that. If this is the Ricktatorship, Carol and Michonne better be the VPs. They be killin’ and nurturin’ at the same damn time.

-They find a group of cars with nothing in them, although Maggie does find a walker tied up in the trunk and I would think that would make you wonder how she got there. She shuts the trunk and hears the banging and wants to go back and kill it, but of course, she can’t open the trunk that she just opened. She is about to shoot the trunk open, but Glenn stops her and when he gets it open, he kills it. I don’t know why she was so pressed about that walker, but I rarely know what Maggie is doing anymore.

-Daryl is out in the woods, where he finds a deer carcass and I was like, “Daryl about to cry over this damn deer”, but not yet. Meanwhile, the group is chillin’ on the road and they hear thunder, which means the rain is about to come. Abe pulls out a bottle of booze from God knows where and everyone acknowledges that will make things worse, with the dehydration and whatnot. Then, of course, Eugene steps up with the, “I don’t think things can get worse”. They shoulda just left him unconscious on the fire truck. Right on cue, a group of mangy-ass dogs come out of the woods and looks like they’re about to attack, but Sasha Vick steps up with the rifle and takes all of them out. PETA about to be so mad. Rick is like, well, I got no shame and gets a stick. We about to BBQ, y’all. Is it wrong that I wonder what dog tastes like? And why is Noah being a punk and not eating? I have a plan: let’s put Noah, Gabriel and Eugene in a group and see how far they get. I’d watch that.

-Gabriel takes off his collar and throws it in the fire, which Maggie notices. I don’t care if he takes off 13 collars, that still don’t make him any less of a bitch. He’ll try to prove he’s tough and either get killed, or get someone killed. I can’t wait.

-Maggie tells Glenn that she never thought Beth was alive after the prison, then she thought that she was, then she wasn’t, and man, I’m actually starting to believe her. She wants to give up, but Glenn isn’t havin’ it. Abe tries to tell Sasha that she’s a time bomb, and Sasha tells him that they’re not friends. Abe is like, whatever, more booze for me. Glenn then tries to talk to Daryl, but Daryl refuses his water and wanders off in the woods, where he has a cabin. He sits by a tree and has a smoke, and I’m waiting for the tears. NOAP. He puts the cigarette out on his hand, and then he starts to cry. I wonder if Norman Reedus just needs to burn himself with smokes to fake-cry. That would SUCK.

-He returns to the group and Rick gives him a sign that says, “From A Friend”. There is also a bunch of water and while everyone else thinks it’s a trick, he says they’re already in it (fine, fair enough) and tries to drink it, but Abe slaps the bottle out of his hand. Still tryna protect Eugene, but Abe is a soldier. But like Rick said, the rain is a-comin’ and it starts to pour. Everyone is partyin’ except for Judith who is like, “y’all don’t get me the fuck inside”. They smartly fill up their water bottles, but Gabriel asks for forgiveness. Grab a bottle, fuckboy. Anyway, Daryl tells them about the barn/cabin thing and they head there for shelter.

-They’re sweeping the place, and Maggie finds a Bible along with a walker that can’t seem to get up. A walker that can’t stand, one tied up in a trunk….something ain’t adding up. Carol and Maggie have a little conversation about not being able to give up as the walker had a gun, but didn’t shoot herself; another conversation between people that don’t talk often (and my memory is terrible, so I might be completely overblowing this).

-Abe is drinking in a corner and lookin’ at Sasha, and he might be catchin’ that jungle fever. The rest of the group are sitting around, and Michonne shows a little weakness, saying this isn’t the world while everyone is like, until we see otherwise, this is it. Rick tells a story about his grandfather telling himself while he was in the war that he was already dead before each battle, which made it easier to do the things he had to do to survive. This is a speech that makes me wonder if it was lifted right from the comics and I wouldn’t be surprised if it was; the writer of “Them” is Robert Kirkman, who created The Walking Dead comics. When Rick says, “we are the walking dead”, that’s almost a dead giveaway, right?

-Daryl is pacing around when he hears a noise outside, and oh would you look at that, a whole BUNCHA walkers are headed for the door. Luckily, Maggie hears as well and goes to help because Daryl apparently can’t yell (seriously, what are you tryna be quiet for?), and everyone else eventually comes to help as well. It’s the group against the walkers, tryna keep them at bay, and the rain is pouring and the lightning is crashing; yeah, it’s cheesy, but it was an effective scene for what they were tryna portray. Shoutout to the director, David Boyd, who also did “Strangers” , the second episode of this season and some other TWD episodes.

-And then, everything stops, and Maggie is laying beside Glenn, and everything is apparently okay. Daryl is still awake and Maggie goes over to him, and they have their little moment and I’m starting to realize that maybe, it’s just Maggie. She has been basically focused on Glenn since they met, then her father died and she thought her sister was dead. Lauren Cohan is at least in the MVP running now. A darkhorse, but hey, anything can happen.

-You’re damn right anything can happen, because apparently a tornado or something swept through and knocked all the trees on all of the walkers, which is a little bit….um, yeah, it’s The Walking Dead, you just gotta let some shit slide. Maggie and Sasha are chillin’ outside, and Maggie is all positive again and listening to the little music box and everything is sunshine and rainbows….until a dude comes out of nowhere, says that he is a friend, and he would like to speak to Rick. He says his name is Aaron and kinda looks like a cross between Shia LaBoeuf and a young Ben Savage. Maggie and Sasha are like, how you know Rick’s name, though? And the episode ends.

I thought this was a solid, well-written episode and it showed that, when given good material, the actors and actresses on The Walking Dead can carry their weight. But now, onto the important stuff: last week, I saw people talking about the walkers having a “W” scrawled in their forehead. Then, I stumbled upon a screen capture someone did of a barn that the group drove by. On the barn was written, “Wolves Not Far”. So, I’m guessing this Aaron cat is the leader of the Wolves, and nothing good is going to come of this. When has this group ever met some good people? The preview for next week looks like some hot fire.