Tag Archives: Saviors

The Walking Dead S07E08 – Hearts Still Beating

The Walking Dead powered into its midseason break with “Hearts Still Beating”, and while the grammatical error in the title really bothers me (I’ll explain that later), it was everything that is great about TWD: it was cheesy, over the top, still had a little bit of heart, and it was a buncha Negan being a dick. Let’s go……..

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-We open with Maggie at Glenn’s grave, which I assume she does daily, and then she goes to the top of the gate at the Hilltop. Gregory has an apple and is almost like, do you want this, and Eduardo, who is also up there, is like, dude, she’s pregnant, so Gregory thinks he’s being a nice guy by giving her the apple. One, she’s pregnant, stop being a dick, and two, most importantly, pregnant or not, Maggie would stomp the muddiest of holes in Gregory’s ass. Did he spend an entire episode getting punked by everyone like, two weeks ago? If you don’t go sit your fake Herschel ass down somewhere.

-Daryl gets out of his cell because of that note that told him to go. Yay. Fuck.

-More importantly, Negan is at Rick’s house, taking a shave and telling One-Eyed Carl how to shave as well, cooking pasta in his house, lookin’ like that scene from “Goodfellas“, but without the cocaine. Olivia gets some lemonade from Tara, who says she’ll go inside and take over for Olivia, who told Rick she would watch Judith, and neither of them would be able to do anything, so that’s pointless.

-Then we have Rick and Aaron, who decide to go out to the houseboat in the canoe full of bulletholes, and I was like, OOOOOOOOOOH WHAT LEVEL OF FUCKERY IS ABOUT TO GO DOWN……well, the scene is stretched out, but basically, the canoe sinks because bulletholes, they have to fight off water walkers (which I figured would like, disintegrate in the water, but whatever man), Aaron sees one in the other canoe, falls the fuck over and is taken under, Rick freaks out, Aaron pops up, and I let out a good, hearty laugh. The best thing about The Walking Dead is when you can see the fuckery down the road, and you know it’s about to be some bullshit, but it’s just a matter of how they get to, and through, the bullshit. It was great. Anyway, they get to the canoe, while Negan is back at the house, tucking napkins in his shirt and shit, getting ready to chow down on a trough of spaghetti because that seems to be all they have at Alexandria (remember Aaron, Daryl and, um….Eric? I think that’s his boyfriend’s name).

-Spencer is tryna be nice to the Saviors, where some girl wants to holla at him and show him the compound later, aka her walls (not walls in a house, use your imagination). She also takes a moment to punk Eugene, who watches this flirtation go down because he’s a creep like that and he does like to watch.

-Meanwhile, Carol is tryna chill and read her book by a fire like a civilized human, and mufuckas won’t leave her alone, Morgan, King Zeke (who we don’t see in this episode and that’s some bullshit), and now Richard, apparently that is his name. He comes in and tries to persuade them to convince King Zeke to strike first against the Saviors, and Carol is like, I just wanna read my fuckin’ book and eat my produce, and we all know Morgan ain’t about that life. So, Richard goes to a shittily-hidden camper in the woods, throws a milk bottle and starts crying. So, here is my thing: why should I care about Richard? The Kingdom, even, for that matter? Spend a little more time on it and maybe, just maybe we would care. They could have honestly split up the Kingdom episode with the Tara episode at Ladyland, as my girl calls it. Because….anyway, more about the latter a bit later on because I have a guess about that. Richard does bring up a good point, though: the Saviors don’t really need a reason to go back on their deal. They run shit.

-Rick and Aaron are on the houseboat getting supplies, and they’re talking about this deal with the Saviors, which Michonne doesn’t think is living, but Aaron disagrees and says, “either your heart is beating or it isn’t”…..meanwhile, Michonne is still driving with this hostage Savior, and tries to talk to her because Michonne is losing her mind, and this woman just isn’t having it at all. OH, and back to Rick and Aaron, someone in mismatched boots is watching them through binoculars. Spooky.

-Oh, I almost forgot about Daryl and his great escape. He sneaks around, being all sneaky, then gets to Dwight’s room and eats ALL of the peanut butter with his dirty-ass finger. How does one eat that much peanut butter, that quickly, with one finger, and then not go to the bathroom right afterwards? And as he leaves, he smashes Dwight’s figurines, and they seemed to focus on one in particular, and I don’t know what the significance is. Maybe to show that Daryl is a badass? I bet he listens to Kid Rock. Goddammit, I hate this dude.

-At Hilltop, Maggie can smell apple pies through doors, but that’s believable because pregnancy hormones are no joke. Maggie wants to ask Jesus to get stuff, but Sasha says he left this morning. Maggie leaves and Enid is like, WHY YOU ALWAYS LYIN’. It’s because Sasha has a plan to go after Negan, because who doesn’t? I’d love to sit down and rank all of the plans because there are some real shitburgers in this pile.

-Father Bitchass and Rosita are at the church….and you know what…..GABRIEL tries to talk Rosita out of her shitty plan to kill Negan, maybe wait so everyone can work together. He has earned the right to finally be called by his real name. Lowkey, Young Gabe might be the MVP of the half-season (non-Negan division). Can’t wait for that to backfire in my face.

-Spencer is in the mirror, practicing how to say “Hi” and he looks like he’s on some Jack Handy shit (old SNL skit, do ya Googles). He tells Rosita that the plan is to get close to Negan and then strike, and Rosita says she used him before, but she’ll do dinner with him later because yo, people gotta bang, b. Meanwhile, Daryl finishes his great escape by bashing Fat Joey’s head in with a pipe, and Jesus walks in on it, so they steal a motorbike and leave. Negan gon’ kill everyone at that compound, b. He leaves and everyone stops giving all of the fucks. Everyone gon’ have irons on their faces.

-Michonne and the lady Savior drive to within distance of a gang of Saviors, like, hundreds of mufuckas and is basically like, bruh, you can’t win this fight, he is everywhere…..but I’m done with this shit, so you need to kill me and set this truck on fire. Which Michonne apparently does.

-Rick and Aaron get back to Alexandria to find Negan and ’em, and Aaron takes a massive ass-whipping because of some fuckass note they found on the houseboat that says “congrats for winning, but you still lose”. Thanks to Holly for this, but why did they even take the note back with them? How would they not know that would be some shit? Anyway, Aaron says that his heart is still beating, which is why the title bothers me. “heart’s” = “heart is”, not “hearts”. I don’t know why I would expect a show like this to care about that, but anyway.

-Spencer introduces himself to Negan, who wants to play pool, so they move a pool table out in the middle of the street. Spencer throws Rick under the bus, more or less implying that Rick got his mother killed and that he always fucks shit up (which isn’t all the way wrong), and that Spencer can be the new leader. Here is where you realized that he gotta die, because Negan says that Rick is swallowing his pride and his hate of Negan to get shit done, and that if Spencer wants Rick’s spot, go take it….but he won’t, because he doesn’t have the guts….and then he disembowels Spencer right on the street. In front of everyone, because everyone decided to come out and watch this game of pool. Shit looked like a Michael Jackson video.

-Rosita gets mad and pulls out the heat, but instead of shooting Negan, she shoots Lucille and Negan starts randomly cursing, sounding like Sterling Archer. One of the Saviors throws Rosita to the ground and cuts her face, while Negan wants to know who made this magic bullet. A couple people say they did it, but Negan knows they’re lying, so the female Savior, Arat is her name, she shoots Olivia. Tara then says she did it, but Eugene confesses and Negan is like, yeah, you look like a bullet-makin’ mufucka. So he takes Eugene with him when he leaves, and Rick stabs a reanimating Spencer in the head because fuck that guy.

-Michonne and Rick meet in the cells, and Michonne tells him that there are more Saviors than they thought, but they still have to fight. So they go to the Hilltop to see Maggie, and Jesus and Daryl are there, and it’s one big-ass Avengers reunion as they walk up to the house to discuss a plan. Daryl even gives Rick back his gun, which was on Fat Joey because that’s way too easy. Maggie better have kicked Daryl in the nuts at least three times, since he got back.

-I missed this, but after the credits, Young Gabe is being watched at the Alexandria gate by the person with the mismatched boots. I’m gon’ guess it’s someone from Ladyland? It better be. We don’t need any more new people.

-The one thing that I do like that they are rationing us with Negan, because I think if he were in every episode, it would be too much. Jeffrey Dean Morgan is the MVP of this half-season and it isn’t even close because of how he straddles that line of being a cartoon and a downright fucking lunatic. But every episode and I think it would be too much. They just have to figure out to handle shit when he isn’t in the episode.

-Also, AMC: get your shit together and just make all the episode 90 minutes long. What else do you have to show? And if you’re gon’ have this many characters, you just might as well. I don’t wanna make any more Game Of Thrones comparisons, but let’s just say, you’re not Game Of Thrones. Take that extra advertising money and highstep down the sideline.

That was a solid ending to a typical half-season of The Walking Dead, which will return in February and likely do the same thing: be great for the first couple episodes, then be garbage, then end strong. Morgan and Carol will eventually come around and reach out to Rick because someone will hear something about Alexandria, which means King Zeke and Battlecat will be involved, Tara will holla at Ladyland, and yeah…..man, it is what it is by now with The Walking Dead. If they could just be consistent, the world would be a better place. The ratings are dropping, but they’re just now very good down from astronomical. It’ll be interesting to see if they try to improve in the second half of Season 7, I wouldn’t bet on it, but crazier things have happened and I’ma watch anyway. See y’all in February.

 

The Walking Dead S07E03 – The Cell

The Walking Dead “Hey, what’s happenin’ over here” tour continues with “The Cell” as we head to the Sanctuary, also known as Negan’s place. But of course, the focus is Daryl, which is awesome. It’s not. Let’s go…….

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-Again, I missed the beginning up to the credits, which will likely be a theme throughout the season. But from what I gathered (again, shoutout to The Walking Dead Wikia), Dwight is the center of attention as Negan’s right-hand man, cuttin’ in line and taking way more bread than everyone else, while some guy gets beaten to death by a bunch of Saviors as he was short on payment for whatever he wanted to eat, then took his shirt off and threw it down. They obviously took that as disrespect; seems like something they would do.

-Speaking of being an asshole, Dwight goes through the dead man’s place and takes his stuff, with the man’s pregnant wife and kid watching because fuck it, why not, they don’t need pickles or mustard anyway. Also in this sequence, we see Dwight with some other Saviors and when Negan passes them, they kneel to him. Negan has a bit of a God complex, it seems, and that becomes ever so evident throughout the episode. I can’t wait to see how this all came about, although they hint at it a little bit in this episode. Dwight then puts some dog food on some bread and takes it to a cell, where naked Daryl is chillin’, They basically do this a couple more times, where Dwight brings shitty sandwiches and Daryl has to eat them, then he locks the cell. All the while, this song is playing to torture Daryl and it’s called “Easy Street” by the Collapsible Hearts Club. I can see why it would be used for torture. It began to hurt every time they played it, so I guess it worked for the show. Between shitty sandwiches and that song, I wouldn’t last a week in there.

-Next, Dwight takes a clothed Daryl to see this doctor, Dr. Carson, apparently, because he has a messed-up shoulder, which is probably the least of his worries right now. Sherry is in there, and who is Sherry, you ask? Well, so did I. She was in the episode where we met Dwight, “Always Accountable”, which I’d love to link you to, but I didn’t do a recap on it, apparently. I vaguely remember it, it was Sherry, Dwight and some other girl, and they jacked Daryl for his supplies…..I remember it more for Abe tryna shoot his shot with Sasha for the first time, and smoking a cigar on top of a Hummer or a tank or something. So hey, I guess Abe wasn’t useless. Anyway, Sherry is in the office and tells Daryl to do what he is told, and Dwight doesn’t want her talking to him. She also has a pregnancy test, which she says is negative, and Dwight is all, “better luck next time”. What is this, pregnancy roulette? And who is tryna get pregnant in the zombie apocalypse? I don’t think it’s her idea, if I had to guess, but it seems like a really bad one, to say the least. There are all sorts of methods…..you know what, I’ll stop there. But y’all know where I was going with that.

-Dwight stops to talk to Negan while he is guarded by this Savior named Fat Joey, not the rapper, who doesn’t go by Joey and apparently, he is also not fat anymore. Dwight then takes Daryl out to show him the walker fence, which has a new addition as the man from the food line is being secured to said fence, which is the first line of defense against intruders and let’s be real, it’s there because Negan is an asshole. Dwight tells Daryl that he can either work for Negan or work in the yard, securing walkers, and Daryl is being Daryl, saying that he would never kneel to Negan. Dwight says that he said that as well, and then takes Daryl back to his cell. Daryl proceeds to try and pick the lock and relentessly kick the door, and that’s the best part of the episode for me. He was tryna get out and he couldn’t. That was good. I had a little bit of hope for a minute that he wouldn’t make it outta there. Damn, I’ma be SO MAD when he gets out.

-Negan and Dwight are talkin’ again, with Negan asking Dwight how the breaking of Daryl is going and he says, it’s fine, slow, but fine. Negan wants to reward with a night with one of his wives, because Negan has multiple wives, because of course he does. It would be a waste to be a dictator without multiple wives, I assume, although I would think that would take away from his dictator time….it’s a complicated setup. Anyway, Dwight says no and Negan starts to get mad, making jokes about Dwight’s dick because, and this I remember, Eugene bit it in “Twice As Far“, the 14th episode of last season. The same joint where Denise caught the arrow in the eye and Eugene was like, NOAP, not doing that, so he bit Dwight in the penis because you gotta do what you gotta do. Anyway, Negan acted like he cared about Dwight’s well-being, but he doesn’t and Dwight knew that, but he’s like, nah, I’m good, and besides, I wanna torture Daryl because Negan wants him to pass it off to someone else, say, Fat Joey, because he’s fat and needs exercise, says Negan. I’m not sure if they know about Daryl, but hand to hand, I’ll give him that, he would give Fat Joey that work. Dwight also leaves because there was a radio call about a runaway worker, which now makes sense because I couldn’t make out what they were saying.

-Shoutout to @Starr_Rocque on Twitter who said, “The ironic thing about Negan is as sociopathic as he is, he’s anti-rape”. He did say to Dwight that he could have whichever wife he wanted, as long as they said yes. Again, Negan is a complicated man.

-Doesn’t even matter because this probably won’t get to that point. Fat Joey is watching the cell and gives Daryl a sandwich, but doesn’t lock the cell, which is why they were so intent on making you hear that door lock. Daryl sneaks out and creeps around the hallways, while Dwight is out looking for the runaway worker on Daryl’s motorcycle, and I kinda wanna call him “Bootleg Daryl” now. He also reminds me of Rat from Sons Of Anarchy to the point that I had to see if it was the same dude (it’s not). He has to get off the bike to navigate his way through a walker obstacle course, which should be on the next season of Survivor, and then a walker falls from an overpass, apparently, because that shit came outta nowhere. There is a struggle and Dwight wins, obviously. Another thing I can’t wait for? The episode this season where the zombies win and feast. There are usually 1-2 per season, because we all know major/quasi-major characters aren’t dying when this shit happens. Dwight is major enough now that he ain’t dying via zombie.

-Meanwhile, Daryl is creepin’ along, tryna find a way out and Sherry catches up to him, and tells him to go back because when he gets caught, it’ll be worse. I think Negan needs to give her a job at tracking and finding people, and not being a human incubator. Daryl being Daryl is like, NAH, and sneaks outside where he sees a buncha motorcycles and is like, hey, I’m free….and then he is surrounded by Saviors. Negan walks up with Lucille and and says, “are we pissing our pants yet?”. He tells Daryl his options: working for Negan and basically living the life, working for points, which means out in the yard, or dying. He doesn’t say anything, which I would take for picking death, but Negan is cool about it, swinging Lucille at him, but stopping short of hitting him, which amuses Negan because Daryl doesn’t flinch. See, everyone knows that ain’t happening. Anyway, Negan walks away and the Saviors jump Daryl, which I wanted to see more of.

-In his cell, Sherry tells Daryl that she is sorry for jumping him in the woods and taking his shit. Daryl’s like, man, unless you’re tryna help, go play somewhere. She was tryna maybe make him feel better. It didn’t work.

-Dwight saves the runaway worker, named Gordon, from a walker, and Gordon was one of the Saviors that kneeled to Negan at the beginning of the episode. Dwight points a gun at Gordon and tries to walk him back to the Sanctuary, and Gordon is like, man, fuck it, kill me, why do we let one guy with a bat walk in and run our lives, which is a fair question. I wonder if Negan just showed up with Lucille and a couple homies and was like, this is my shit now….that’s what it sounds like. Dwight counters that he’ll put everyone he loves on the wall, which gets Gordon going, and while it seems like Dwight is catchin’ what Gordon is saying, he shoots him anyway. He gets back to the Sanctuary, where Sherry meets him for a smoke, and Dwight asks, “is he good to you”, meaning Negan, and then when she says yes, Dwight says that they did the right thing and it is better than being dead. So that’s it…..Sherry was Dwight’s wife and Negan snatched that. Oh yeah, Dwight will have a hand in Negan’s downfall, or he’ll die trying, which is more likely.

-Dwight goes to give Daryl food, but he doesn’t want it, so Dwight puts a picture on the wall of the cell, and I don’t even have to guess what it is….it’s a picture of dead Glenn and while Daryl a long time to cry, he gets it out eventually. I have a feeling this has happened before, I wanna say last season, and he was leaning against a tree or something. He cries. I smiled. It was good.

-Oh, this week on Fear The Walking Dead: Passage, the two women decide that they’re going to Mexico via tunnel and in this election season, I’m not even gon’ touch that one.

-Dwight takes Daryl to an apartment, and Negan tells the story of how Dwight became his main man: Dwight, Sherry and her sister, Tina, worked for points, which she used for diabetic medication, but she came up short, so Negan was like, marry me, because romance isn’t dead in TWD’s world. The three of them stole some medicine and ran, which is when they first met Daryl, but Tina ended up getting eating by zombies and they had to go back. Dwight asked for forgiveness and Negan did it, but he took Sherry (she offered) and burned Dwight’s face with an iron. His idea of forgiveness kinda sucks. Anyway, the plan is for Daryl to live here because Negan likes him, but he asks who Daryl is and after a long pause and Negan asking one more time, he says his own name and not Negan. Good for him.

-Back to the cell for him, and Dwight is yelling at him for not wanting to get better at life, and Daryl says some shit about understanding why Dwight did it, it was for someone else, which is why Daryl can’t do it, or some other fake-deep shit. So who is it? Is it Glenn? Is it Beth? Is it Maggie? Because she owes him a fucking BEATDOWN when they see each other again. Like, a good year’s worth of kicking his ass every single day. The episode ends with Dwight looking at the fence and there is a new walker….it’s Gordon.

I knew that going into this episode, it would be a Daryl episode, and forgive me for not liking it…I just don’t like that dude and I’m not here for feeling sympathetic towards him. The Dwight stuff, I did like because he was just doing what he had to do, and yeah, he gotta try and get at Negan at some point before he dies, which will be how he dies, I take it. But we also need to find out more about how Negan got to the Sanctuary, which I think we will (no comic stuff, please). Next week, we’re back at Alexandria as Negan goes to pick up an order, and I saw Michonne with a machine gun, so that’s promising. Don’t do anything stupid, missus.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Walking Dead S07E02 – The Well

After the insanity of the seventh-season premiere, The Walking Dead returns with “The Well”, which allows everyone to take a breather and we’re introduced to the newest community, the Kingdom, and now, we can all move on last week, right? Right.

Although I feel kinda bad for Abe…..no one cared about him hahaha….still tho, no more Glenn jokes for me. I’m so good with those.

Let’s go….

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-So, I missed pretty much everything up to the opening credits because I was watching soccer (shoutout to Toronto FC, we’re halfway there, boys). But from what I gathered, we go back to Carol, who was shot by the Saviors at the end of last season, but is rescued by Morgan and some guys on horses. Carol, obviously a mess, goes back to sleep, wakes up, hallucinates and walks into a buncha walkers and has to be rescued again, then she sleeps for two days. Does that about cover it? This will probably happen again next week because soccer trumps The Walking Dead in these streets.

-Anyway, she wakes up and Morgan is pushing her around the Kingdom in a wheelchair, which seems like a dream because children are playing and people are laughing, basically, any community we’re introduced to this show. He says they can go back to Alexandria in a week when she is better, but he wants her to meet King Ezekiel, and yooooo……this dude is chillin’ on a throne with a big-ass tiger named Shiva. He welcomes Carol with this kingly accent, offers her some fruit because it’s fruit day and behind him is a wise-cracking Asian guard named, um, I’m not sure, but dude is pretty good. Carol, looking up in the air to find the jig, goes into Casserole Carol mode with this look on her face like, come on, dogg, this can’t be real, and refuses the pomegranate, which I don’t think I’ve ever had, but shoot, I wanted to take one. They leave and Carol is like, this place is crazy, they’re crazy and I’m out, but Morgan won’t allow it, even though he knows that if Carol wants to leave, she’ll leave.

-Ezekiel leaves with Morgan, this kid Ben, this girl (I don’t know if we got her name) and this cat named Richard, and they’re corralling pigs into a room where they eat a walker because as Richard says, they want their pigs to be filled with rot, which sounds disgusting. They run into more walkers and Ben is instructed to kill one with a machete, but he struggles and Ezekiel saves him, but he wants Morgan to keep the pig hunt a secret for whatever reason, which we’ll learn later. He also wants Morgan to train Ben with the staff because he needs to keep Ben alive. Ezekiel has taken a liking to Ben, and I have my theory about why. All I’m saying is, I run into another brotha and he got a tiger, I’m rollin’ with him. But that’s too many of us on the show now, so someone gotta go.

-I think it was also here that Morgan tells Ezekiel that he could have saved the Savior that he shot to save Carol, and I’m not really here for another season of Morgan tryna save everyone. You saved Carol, that’s important. These Saviors ain’t shit, bruh. They’re too far gone. This dude will really try to have a non-violent sitdown with Negan, and I’d love to see how that would go down.

-Anyway, this awful choir sings through this montage of Morgan training Ben, Ezekiel watching, and Carol wheelin’ around, stealing clothes and knives, both of which were amazing. The knife was sitting on a table and she rolled by it, and then you see this hand just yoink that shit off the table, but we just see the hand and I actually laughed out loud. Then the clothes, she basically told this man to look over there, and put the clothes under her blanket. I think she might have sighed when she did it too, like, y’all mufuckas are stupid.

-Ben wants to read Morgan’s “Art Of Peace” book, then Ezekiel tells them to come on this run and Richard tells Morgan to bring his gun, which I didn’t think he had. They go to meet a group of Saviors and it turns out the pigs were for them because the Kingdom is also on this pay-as-you-go-or-you-die plan with the Saviors, who are just runnin’ everyone’s pockets outchea in these streets. One of the Saviors picks a fight with Richard, who could easily destroy this guy, but Ezekiel tells him to stand down and Richard just takes two shots from the Savior until their leader, Gavin, who I’m pretty sure we met last season, tells him to stop. Anyway, this is meat week and next is produce week, and Gavin warns Ezekiel that if he gets less than what is on his list, Richard is the first to die. Jokes on y’all, tho…..you’re eating walker bacon…..walker pork chops…..all that shit. And that CAN’T be good for the digestive tract. Oh, and the girl that went with them earlier, her name is Dianne, apparently.

-They get back to the Kingdom and over dinner, we learn that Ben has a younger brother and their father was here, but he died while clearing out a building with walkers, and I bet that is absolutely not what happened, but what Ezekiel told him. Ben also says that Ezekiel is hiding this deal from the Saviors because if he told the Kingdom, they’d wanna fight and well, I don’t think they know this yet, but they’re definitely not built for that shit in the slightest. Then he asks Morgan if he is against killing and Morgan is like, sometimes, we change our minds…..word, Morgan? See, and this is just it…you gotta kill in the zombie apocalypse. You just gotta. You don’t have to like it, in fact, it’s kinda weird if you do. But you gotta kill. You’re not saving the Saviors. They all gotta die. But he knows them and now he has the Kingdom, and they’re all gon’ team up with Rick and ’em and bring down Negan, so it’s just a matter of how they get there.

-Shoutout to the Fear The Walking Dead commercial snippets that are back. This series is called Passage and so far, some girl is following another girl towards, well, I’m not sure yet. It’s all very vague and they seem to be hiding in some sort of test compound, and they’ll flesh it out. Flight 462 from last season was so much better than the actual Fear TWD, and I expect this to be good as well, and then we’ll get to Fear and it’ll be terrible.

-Morgan goes to bring Carol some food, but she’s long gone. She is out in the garden, stealing fruit and she is caught by Ezekiel and that guard, who chucks up the deuces as he leaves and man, he’s pretty damn good. But we learn that Ezekiel knows Carol is faking her act because as he says, you can’t bullshit a bullshitter. Ezekiel drops the accent and sounds like he might have ad-libs on a Southern rap record, and he used to be a zookeeper before everything went down. Basically he rolled up on this community with a tiger and they had no leader, so Ezekiel (which is actually his name) threw on this accent because he did a little acting, and he assumed the role because people want to feel safe…..and I bet it was largely because he had a tiger that didn’t want to eat him (he saved Shiva from bleeding to death, so the tiger is down with him). And you know, he is right. Same shit happened in Alexandria, same shit happened with the Woodbury and the Governor, and I bet the same shit happened with Negan and the Saviors. Someone has to step up and lead. So why not the dude with the tiger?

-HAVE I MENTIONED THAT THE DUDE HAS A TIGER THO?

-Carol thinks it’s all some bullshit, but I think she comes to respect Ezekiel a little bit. Still, she wants to go and Ezekiel is like, cool, but I think I have a solution where she goes, but she doesn’t. The house from the beginning was a caretaker’s cottage, so it’s not on Kingdom property, but it’s close enough. Morgan takes her out there and tells her that she is one of his favorite people that he ever knocked out, so that’s nice. Carol goes into the house and kills the Old Woman Walker that almost got her at the beginning, and then she makes a fire. Ezekiel comes by with a pomegranate and she smiles……and if there is one thing The Walking Dead is here for, it’s interracial relationships. We got Rick and Michonne, there was Sasha and Abe, Abe and Rosita, Glenn and Maggie, Tyreese and Karen, if she wouldn’t have been stupid and tried to stab that cop, there would have been Beth and Noah….anyway, you get the point…..keep an eye on that.

I was excited for the Kingdom basically since I saw a preseason trailer with Ezekiel, and I kinda wish that they would stay here for a couple episodes, but there is no time for that. I think next week is about fuckass Daryl, probably not dying, and unless he’s dying, I don’t care. They’ll probably split that with Rick and ’em, and not even Rick, I wanna see how Maggie is doing. Anyway, I think we have everyone that we need to know on board, so the march to the midseason finale of The Walking Dead really begins.

The Walking Dead S06E15 – East

As I have said before, The Walking Dead is a show built on bad decisions. Hell, if they were making good decisions, the show probably would have lasted a solid season and a half. But with “East”, the penultimate episode of Season 6, they might have set a new bar. Let’s go…..

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-The episode starts with a montage with a female voice saying “I see you” and a bullethole in a windshield, then she says to “come out slowly” as we see the car has a flat tire. There is dripping blood, and a dude saying that “he’s going to pass on that”…a spear with blood on it, then Carol’s rosary beads on the ground, a man yelling and then a gunshot. Pretty ominous, and not subtle that shit is about to hit the fan. Subtlety has never been a strong suit of The Walking Dead.

-Carol is sewing a jacket or something, looking fed up, then she looks around and then starts packing a bag with food, so she is getting outta here. Tobin comes in the room and she throws the backpack under the bed, and he starts talking about Denise, but Carol ain’t listening at all. Me neither, Killa, me neither. She looks like she is either gon’ cry and put him in an arm triangle.

-Next is another montage, because who doesn’t love montages, and this one is set to Johnny Cash’s “It’s All Over” (shoutout to Tunefind), which is perfect for this scene. Tobin is sleeping as Carol dips out, Carl grabs a gun and stares at it, and it has something engraved on it…I even paused on it and I still don’t know what it says….I think there is a “D” in there, and he takes the gun. Maggie and Glenn are showering, and Glenn notices some bruises on her, probably from her scuffle with Alicia Witt and her shitty band of miscreants because again, taking pregnant women out on MURDERDEATHKILL missions is always something you need to do. Daryl is on his motorcycle with the “Dennis” keychain that Denise found before she got an arrow in the eye, and he looks like he’s about to do something stupid. But then we have, for me, the best part of the montage. Sasha gives Abe a cigar as they’re switching guard posts, and they’re all smiling and happy, and then Sasha catches Rosita’s eye…..ooooooooooooooooooooooh. That look Rosita gives her is so good. It’s part sadness, part “bitch I’ma fight you at some point”, and Sasha almost looks at her like, “yeah, I know it’s coming”.

-Michonne and Rick are in bed, eating an apple loudly, and I forgot this was a thing. Michonne has to get up and help Maggie, who is worried about an attack, but Rick is like, nah, we got this, which means they absolutely don’t got this and something fucked up is about to happen. Then we get to Michonne outside with Maggie and Glenn, and they’re telling her that ain’t shit gon’ happen, when they see Daryl opening the gate and leaving on his bike, so of course, they have to follow him: Glenn, Michonne and Rosita head out, and Rosita knows where he is going, she says. Then, Tobin takes Carol’s goodbye note to Rick, who leaves with Morgan of all people to go find her. Great, so we have six people gone from the group, all of whom are good-to-great fighters. If the Saviors are watching Alexandria, they’re laughing like, yo, we ain’t even have to do anything.And the best part of Carol’s note is when it says, don’t try to find me…..does she know who the hell she is talking to? Yeesh.

-Carol is driving down the road in her car with spikes coming out of it, because that’s not going to draw attention. A truck drives past her, and they shoot the tires out. They demand that she gets out of the car, and then they find out where she is coming from, which they know because they’ve seen cars with spikes out of them at Alexandria. Carol is like, man, just go away and no one needs to get hurt; basically, don’t bring the Killa out. She’s basically Bruce Banner and the Hulk at this point. When they don’t do what she says, Carol sprays them with a gun in her coat sleeve, which is what she was sewing at the beginning of the episode. There is one Savior left, or so it seems, and that is what we see during the pre-credit scene: he charges at her, there is a gunshot and that is it. The blood we see is his as she shoots him, but did he get her with his knife? MYSTERY.

-Maggie tries to get some food before her guard shift, but Enid says she’ll do it so Maggie can rest. Does Maggie not know she is pregnant? I get she wants to help, but come on, bruh.

-Morgan and Rick are driving east, which they deduced from tire tracks. Rick says that Morgan doesn’t know Carol and he doesn’t know why he is doing this, and Morgan is like, nah, we got to know each other a bit, and then he speaks in vague cliches about right and wrong and it’s getting really annoying. They get to the shootout site, where there is another Savior, but he hides while Rick and Morgan survey the scene. They see a blood trail, which they deduce is Carol’s and they start following, while the Savior comes out of the woods, grabs Carol’s beads and starts following them. Oh, Rick and Morgan killed the Savior that rushed Carol. I think that was him.

-Rosita, Michonne and Glenn to get to where Denise was killed, and they find Daryl’s bike hidden, so Rosita was right as Daryl came back to find Dwight and kill him. This seems like such a terrible idea. Glenn and Michonne want to bring him back, but Rosita thinks they should let him do what he has to do. So they track him easily enough; example #1 of Daryl being a bad tracker. But that’s just the tip of the goddamn iceberg and yeah, he shoots an arrow close enough to them to know that he knows they’re there; I don’t care. They want him to come home, but Daryl tells them that he should have killed Dwight back in “Always Accountable” (which I apparently skipped in these recaps because I think I was on holiday), and Denise would still be alive. I don’t know about that because Denise was pretty stupid and probably would have gotten herself killed anyway, but it wouldn’t have been by Dwight. So yeah, you gotta kill everyone in this world. Anyway, he leaves, Rosita is like, he’s right and goes with him, leaving Glenn and Michonne there like, the fuck just happened? But of course, Dwight and ’em come outta nowhere and surround them; example #2 of Daryl’s tracking abilities. Also, his shitty soliloquy gave the Saviors time to come up with their “surround” plan. Yeah, this all Daryl’s fault.

-Rick and Morgan continue their back-and-forth about life being precious and shit, and Morgan remembers that they threw Carol in the bushes after she killed those people at the prison, and what would happen now; Rick says they would thank her, and Morgan is like, you see what happens when you give people another chance? But that’s different, bruh; that’s Carol, not some mufucka with a W in his forehead THAT TELLS YOU, POINT BLANK, HE’S GON’ COME BACK AND KILL YOU. Why is this so hard for him to understand?  Rick is like, I’ll deal with that later as they approach a farmhouse, and they see a walker that kinda looks like Carol, but it isn’t. They reach the farmhouse and there is a dude there, and he says he is looking for his horse, and Rick is like, we’re looking for our friend. The dude peaces out, but a buncha walkers emerge and that allows him to run while Rick and Morgan fight them off. Rick thinks dude is a Savior and Morgan is like, we don’t know that….really, who cares. He also tells Rick that he had that dude in the basement, and Carol knew about it, but that Wolf saved Denise, who then saved Carl in the most roundabout fucking argument I’ve ever heard. He ain’t know that dude threatened Denise on a damn-near minutely basis and if Denise would have died, he wouldn’t have cared. Man. Fuck Morgan, b. Anyway, he tells Rick that he should go back and he’ll go after Carol, and Rick gives him a gun and he doesn’t wanna take it, but Rick is like, don’t be stupid. Rick also tells Morgan that Michonne did steal the protein bar from the premiere, “First Time Again“. Morgan is like, mufucka, I know and they laugh. I forgot about that.

-Rick gets back to Alexandria, and everyone is still gone, and the two share a moment about being afraid to get close to anyone again. Fair, but yo…..we ain’t got time for this sappy shit right now.

-Maggie gets Enid to cut her hair short, like, Carol’s length, and Maggie says she has to keep going, so I guess she needs a change. But just then, she starts screaming in pain and doubles over, and Enid starts freaking out. Maggie better not lose this baby. Sure wish there was something close to a doctor left, but oh wait, she decides to try and play warrior last week.

-Daryl and Rosita are sneaking around and they see Glenn and Michonne tied up, and he tells them to be quiet, but Glenn is obviously tryna warn him and oh wouldn’t you fucking know it, there is Dwight, behind Daryl with a gun. He pulls the trigger and says “he’ll be alright” as there is a buncha blood splatter and the episode ends. The final example of Daryl being a terrible tracker. There have been other examples in past episodes, too. He was good in the early seasons, but he is just awful in the last few. And honestly, he hope he is dead, but I’m prepared for him to be alive because after the Glenn thing, you won’t fool me again. He should be dead and Carol should be dead, and it hurts my soul to say it, but they should be and I hope they are.

-Oh yeah, before I wrap this up: Flight 462 had their 15th episode, and the pieces are finally coming together. The glass broke and the plane is going down and as they’re going through people putting on their masks, you get a quick look at a flight attendant and she doesn’t look good at all. So they’re gon’ crash in the ocean, which is where all the zombies come from in the trailer for the second season of Fear The Walking Dead (which I’m not sure if I’ma write about this season because life is busy and Game Of Thrones takes precedence….maybe I’ll break it up in five-episode recaps). That’s my guess. The last clip will air during next week’s finale.

So what do I think will happen next week? I think we should finally see Negan, who is going to kill someone. I guess if I had to rank them, I’d say Daryl is most likely, followed by Carol, Michonne and Glenn. Someone gotta die, though. I’ll be pissed if that doesn’t happen. What is Carl planning to do with that gun? Will Morgan use the gun that Rick gave him? Will the Saviors hit Alexandria now that they’re terribly outmanned? I’m not watching any trailers or anything, but I do know it’s 90 minutes. Let’s go, The Walking Dead. You’ve brought us this far with your ridiculousness. Don’t back off now.

 

The Walking Dead S06E14 – Twice As Far

The Walking Dead are taking their sweet time rolling out this Negan storyline, but it seems as though things are coming to a head with “Twice As Far”, which featured a couple of characters teaching you the age-old adage of “stay in your lane”. Let’s go….

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-We start with the open, where everyone is walking around Alexandria like things are all good. Olivia is in the pantry, which is full of stuff now. Father Bitchass is walking around with a gun, Eugene is taking turns watching out and while it’s nice that these two want to play a bigger role….do you want them playing security guard for your family? Anyway, more on that later. Morgan is gettin’ his Donatello on as he practices by himself, Carol is smoking and playing with the rosary beads she found last week, and Morgan is also putting the finishes touches on the jail cell he was starting a few weeks ago. He tells Rick that the jail cell is so that he’ll have a choice next time, instead of just killing someone. This dude just doesn’t get it.

-We run through the same sequence, except there is a scene where Tobin kisses Carol as she is smoking and playing with the beads again. So I guess that is officially a thing now between Tobin and Carol, and where the hell is she getting all these cigarettes? Same place they’re getting gas for all this driving, I guess. We see Rosita getting dressed after sleeping with Spencer; way to get back on the horse, girl. Abe wasn’t shit, anyway.

-Daryl is going through his things on his motorcycle bag when Carol approaches him, just handing out cigarettes like she’s the smoke fairy. Carol asks Daryl if he saved the people in the forest, and Daryl says he should have killed him. Seeing Carol lose the Killa in her makes me so sad. Even Daryl notices because he asks Carol what the people in the slaughterhouse did to her and Maggie, and Carol says they didn’t do anything. I’m taking that as, they didn’t do anything, but this group, they’re the ones that made Carol like this, and they’re the ones that are driving her away.

-Denise watches Abe and Eugene leave Alexandria, and then she focuses on a walker that is caught on a spike, just staring it down. It was here that I figured she would do something stupid during this episode. Then we switch to Spencer and Rosita, and he asks the ol’ “what are we doing” question, and she doesn’t wanna say, dude you were just a piece….so she agrees to have dinner with him. Relationships in the zombie apocalypse? Ehhhhhhhhhhh……I’m not fond of them, but I guess. Maggie and Glenn worked, so far anyway. Just be a rebound, bruh.

-Denise tells Rosita and Daryl about an apothecary that should have some drugs, and she wants to retrieve them, but she obviously needs the two of them to go with her. She says she’ll go with or without them, which is definitely pointing towards her doing something stupid. She wouldn’t get half a mile outside the walls without dying. So the three of them hop in a truck and start the journey, then they stop for a minute. Daryl and Rosita check the place out, Rosita grabs some booze from a walker and Denise sits in the truck by herself. She is looking at Rosita, wondering how in the hell she can get up to kill a walker, and you can see where this story is going. Rosita wants to take some tracks to get to the apothecary, while Daryl wants to take the road; Rosita’s way is a shortcut, but Denise goes with Daryl.

-Eugene and Abe are walking down an alley, and Eugene has a ponytail now, because that’s better than a mullet? Sure. Abe says he has been taking more guard shifts, hollerin’ at the ladies….basically, what’s up, bruh? And Abe is like, I’m a survivor, and Eugene is like, yeah, okay dogg….we’ll see when the rubber hits the road.

-Rosita is waiting for Daryl and Denise, who apologizes to Rosita about going with Daryl, and wonders how she learned how to use weapons. Rosita is adamant that it wasn’t Abe, and she’s mad, but Denise is oblivious. They get to the apothecary and open it up, but look at all the handprints on the outside….that shit is creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepy.

-Eugene and Abe are inside a machine shop of some sort, and Eugene wants to figure out how to make things like more bullets here. Then a walker comes around the corner, but its head was dipped in liquid metal or something, so when Eugene tries to stab it, it won’t go through. He struggles with the thing for a minute before Abe steps in and kills it, and Eugene goes off on Abe, talkin’ about he would have killed it and your services are no longer required. BRUH……I was so mad. Eugene is lucky he is still alive….you lied to us, got a buncha people killed, you’re not a damn scientist, we’ve had to save you a whole slew of times and you got the fuckin’ nerve to holler in my face? Abe should have left him right there when he told the group he wasn’t a scientist. What a fuckboy. Abe was like, find your own way home, bitch, and peaced out.

Fear The Walking Dead: Flight 462…..this is becoming the best part of The Walking Dead.

-The trio is going through the apothecary and Denise finds a keychain that says Dennis, which we eventually learn was her twin brother. They also find all the drugs and Daryl is like, we’re takin’ all this shit….. ALL OF IT. Denise notices a room and she’s like, okay, I can do this, and I’m like, BITCH STAY THE FUCK AWAY. It’s basically the creepiest room of the whole place, with a super-old walker on the ground, a crib, the words “HUSH HUSH HUSH” written on the wall and a shoe in a sink of blood, so we can assume that a baby was in there. All that was left was for the room to whisper “GET OUT”. Denise peaced out with the quickness. Again….stay in your lane.

-Denise is crying outside and the other two don’t say anything about it. Daryl even says she did good to find the apothecary, and he doesn’t do that very often. They decide to take Rosita’s way back to the truck, while Daryl and Denise talk about having shitty brothers. I keep forgetting about what a dickbag Merle was. Tried to get my man T-Dogg killed.

-So, here we go: they’re walking down the tracks and Denise sees a car with a cooler in it, but the car also has a walker in there. But Denise really needs a fucking soda and even though they tell her not to try it, she wants to puff her chest out and be stupid. Of course, there is a struggle, and eventually Denise kills the walker, and gets her soda. She goes on about some rant about this being more than a soda, she wanted to go with Daryl because he makes her feel safe like her brother did, and she wants to help Rosita deal with being alone, and motherfucker, no one asked you to do any of this. She’s standing there, yelling and being all loud, and then BAM……she catches an arrow through the eyeball, which might have been avoided if she didn’t stop for a damn soda. So fuckin’ pressed.

-The Savior that stole Daryl’s bike, Dwight, comes out of the woods with his group as well as Eugene, who of course has been caught because he isn’t that good at this sot of thing. They have a standoff and Dwight tells Daryl and Rosita that they’re going to take everyone to Alexandria, or Eugene dies, at which point I’d be like, well, tough shit, bruh. But Eugene sees Abe behind a barrel and when Dwight tells someone to go check it out, Eugene bites him on the dick for like……I don’t know, longer than a bite should go. The shootout starts and Eugene gets hit, but our group wins and gets the hell outta dodge, carrying Eugene along the way because he got shot with a mouth full of dick. They walk by Denise’s body like, yo…..over a GD soda?

-Everyone is back at Alexandria, and Eugene is going to be fine, and Abe is like, cool….lemme tries something. He ends up at Sasha’s house and she’s like, fine, come on in, and if Abe works this out, dammit, there is a threesome there for him. So many failed threesomes in this show. Carol and Daryl bury Denise, so I assume they went back out to get her, and Carol tells Daryl that he was right about letting the Saviors live….had he killed Dwight, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. Carol is down in the dumps, and we see Tobin reading a letter that says she is leaving Alexandria, because “I love you all here, I do, and I’d have to kill for you. And I can’t. I won’t”, so she doesn’t wanna be a Killa anymore? Another day passes, much like the opening the episode with Rosita taking Eugene’s spot as the guard, and Sasha looks like her like, oooooooh, I’m fuckin’ ya man. And Morgan looks at Carol’ empty swing. Motherfucker, YOU did that.

What an infuriating episode this was. Listen, I get that people need to defend themselves, but Denise went out of her way and put others in danger, and ended up dying because of it. Eugene needs to stick his chest back in a little and realize why the fuck he is still living. And now someone is going to have to go and look for Carol….I’m assuming Daryl, and that might lead them to Negan, because I think he has eyes on Alexandria right now. Not the best episode of The Walking Dead, not the worst. It kind of encapsulates the second half of this season.

 

 

The Walking Dead S06E13 – The Same Boat

The Walking Dead rolled towards the finish line of Season 6 with “The Same Boat”, and there wasn’t a lot that happened in this episode. All it did was strengthen my belief that my favorite character is probably not long for this world. Let’s go…..

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-It starts where “Not Tomorrow Yet” left off, with Carol and Maggie getting ambushed. Carol doesn’t kill the man that runs up on them, because she has a conscience now, which isn’t going to work out for her. Then they’re surrounded by the Saviors, led by Alicia Witt, whose name is Paula here, but she has been in everything. Seriously, everything. Anyway, we see Paula talking to Rick about the hostage situation.

-Maggie and Carol are taken to a cell, where they get to know the rest of Paula’s crew. They leave for a minute and Carol finds some rosary beads on the floor, while Maggie tries to at least loosen her bonds around her hands. The group returns and Carol starts hyperventilating, and Maggie is like, uhhhhhhhh, I don’t know if this is a plan or what, but sure, I’ll roll with it. Meanwhile, Carol is getting made fun of by Molly, but Carol asks her not to smoke because of Maggie’s baby. I’m not sure I would have told the group that Maggie was pregnant, but hey, she must have a plan.

-The guy that Carol shot is PISSED that Paula and ’em are letting Carol and Maggie live, and starts wylin’ out, smacking Paula and kicking Carol, until Paula gunbutts him and knocks his ass out. Paula doesn’t look like she is in control of much here. That’s one of my main issues with this episode, and really, I only have two: one is that I don’t buy Alicia Witt as the ringleader of a bad group. I’ll get to two in a bit here. Sucks, too. I’ve always liked her in stuff. I just didn’t buy it.

-Michelle, one of the Saviors, tells Maggie that she was pregnant once, and that Maggie should know that her group aren’t the good guys. Maggie is looking at her like, I didn’t say we were, but I’ll let you cook. Paula is in the other room telling Carol that she’s pathetic, which means she’s not going to make it out of this episode. Rick tries to holla at Paula to see what’s up with this hostage trade, but Paula isn’t much for talking. Carol tries to explain to Paula why her group killed those people at the outpost because Negan’s motorcycle gang tried to take Daryl, Sasha and Abe. Then Molly says some bullshit about them all being Negan, and at this point, just show the man (and I know it’s a man because of the leaked casting). This is getting annoying now. I want them all to die. Oh, and then Carol and Paula play the “well, you’re a killer too” game. You’re both killers. Stop it.

-Paula does radio Rick to set something up, but she worries that Rick and ’em are already close to, or already inside, their building. Paula and Molly leave, and Carol gets herself free, of course. Carol goes to rescue Maggie, who decides that they can’t leave anyone alive, because pregnant Maggie is in a position to make this decision. They also find that Donnie died of his gunshot from Carol and is starting to turn, and when Donnie attacks Molly, they kill her and take her gun. Meanwhile, Paula gets back to the cell and sees all the dead bodies, and is like, OH SHIT I’M NOT BUILT FOR THIS AT ALL.

-Carol and Maggie meet Paula at the hallway of death, which features a slew of impaled walkers right down the middle. Paula wastes all her bullets and doesn’t hit anyone, and Carol tells Paula to run so she doesn’t have to kill her, even Maggie is like, KILL HER. And this is issue #2: Carol is going to die. She’s getting soft and that doesn’t work out in the world of The Walking Dead. Then a walker comes out of nowhere and Maggie kills it, and then goes to fight Michelle. Why the hell is pregnant Maggie doing all this fighting? Does this bother anyone? Anyway, Michelle slashes at her stomach, but Maggie narrowly avoids it and then Carol shoots her in the head.

-Carol doesn’t want to kill an injured Paula, but Paula rushes at her and Carol has to push her into an impaled walker, which eats Paula’s face. Then Carol concocts a plan to meet the rest of the Saviors in a room, which she sets on fire in what was probably the best scene of the episode. Carol’s kill count is now, what, 25, 26? She’s getting there. Anyway, they get out of the slaughterhouse, killing a turned Paula along the way, and reunite with the group. Maggie and Glenn hug, and Daryl asks Carol if she is okay; Carol is like, NAH BRUH.

-Rick asks the guy that they have held hostage, Primo, if Negan was in there and Primo is like, I’m Negan, and Rick is like, fuck this, and shoots him. There ya go.

-Oh, before I forget, outside of the “setting everyone on fire” part, the best part of the episode was the latest clip for Fear The Walking Dead: Flight 462……oooooooooooh buddy. Only two left in that, as well. AMC is capitalizing on this like shit, and good for them.

That “I’m not okay” by Carol at the end of the episode was the most telling part. She is getting racked by guilt over all the dirt that she has done, and I think it started with Sam. I understand why she is because Carol hasn’t been a good person, but she’s still my favorite character and is now at the top of the Death Pool rankings, which is a constant revolving door. I’m just kinda bitter that an episode centered around two of my three favorite characters was just so…..I don’t know….meeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhh.

So now, it’s really just a matter of who is going to die….someone is. The mission for Rick’s group is to find Negan, which I hope they do soon because this whole “we’re all Negan” shit is annoying. But there are only three episodes left in Season 6 of The Walking Dead, so we should get some answers soon.