Tag Archives: The Mountain

Game Of Thrones S08E05 – The Bells

One episode left in Game Of Thrones, and it’s not gon’ end the way you think it’s gon’ end. There will be a few people that will be fine with the ending, but Game Of Thrones has gotten so big that people just want it to be the way they want it to be.

It’s not that. Just enjoy it.

Let’s go….

-Watching the “Previously On Game Of Thrones” part, and that last look Dany gave the camera…if you didn’t know what it was about to be, that’s on you.

-We open with Varys straight snitchin’ on Jon’s real back story, and one of his little spies is like, she won’t eat because of Missandei’s death, but she also thinks the Unsullied is on to her. Varys about to send this little girl to die. Then he tries and convince Jon to take the Iron Throne because of lineage and all that, and Jon is like, nah, that’s my queen, yo. Also, Jon ain’t about that responsibility life, even though he is probably the best person for the job. That being said, that is a low-ass bar.

-Tyrion sees all this and is like, how can I avoid death by one more day because I keep fuckin’ up? He runs on Dany on some more snitchin’ shit, and she says Jon, but Tyrion is like, actually, it’s Varys and Dany went through the whole snitchin’ tree until she got to Jon. Dany is about to go on tilt, b. You had to have seen this coming.

-Dany looks a mess. You can’t tell me Missandei wasn’t doing her hair.

-Varys is tryna get these letters off when Grey Worm and the squad come down, and he knows what time it is. They lead Varys into a cave, he looks at Tyrion like, you raggedy bitch, and accepts his fate. Tyrion even admitted it and Varys is like, BITCH, I KNOW, GET YOUR HAND OFF ME. No point in even tryna reason with Dany at this point. They burn Varys up, then she has a moment where she gives Grey Worm something of Missandei’s, and he throws that shit in the fire. So, Dany knows she got a real one watching her back. No time for this sentimental shit.

-Dany tells Jon that he shouldn’t have told Sansa shit, and the North don’t love her like that, shouts to Draymond Green and Paul Pierce. She tries to get some secks poppin’, but Jon is like, we probably shouldn’t do this for a number of reasons. Dany is like, welp, alright then, I see where we are, then. Yup, everyone is gettin’ got.

-Tyrion still tries to appeal to Dany, saying something about a bell, which means the city surrenders and mercy and all that. Dany don’t care, though. She is her father’s daughter, Ain’t no mercy. She tried to be nice before. And then she hits Tyrion with, I know you tried to sneak Jaime out, too, and I’ll kill you if you try that shit again. Tyrion just wants to die at this point.

-Jon and Tyrion meet Davos in, I dunno, Dragonstone? I have no idea where he is. Is that still Dragonstone? I don’t care. Jon is like, you need to get everything ready now, we ridin’. Tyrion more or less asks Davos to smuggle Jaime out of wherever he is, which is bold of him. Tyrion also tries to speak to the Unsullied, and they’re like, nah, bitch, we speak English. It’s like me in Montreal when I try to do a little bit of French, and I know the other person speaks English, but they just wanna fuck with me a little. Shoot, if I knew another language, I would, too. Tyrion and Jaime have a great scene, Tyrion tells him where to go to not die, and for the love of God, talk some sense into Cersei. If nothing else, Tyrion is a Lannister: fiercely loyal to his family, even though they definitely don’t deserve it. Jaime, to a lesser extent as well. Cersei, NOAP. If that is the last scene that Peter Dinklage and  Nikolaj Coster-Waldau have together, it was fantastic. The heartstrings were pulled. Jaime was all Tyrion had, and Jaime did genuinely love him, as no one else would. And he knows that Dany is gon’ kill him for this when she finds out.

-Zoom in on that bell, because the episode is called “The Bells”. We have Euron and their giant crossbows, ready to go, waiting for Dany, and everyone is piling into the Red Keep. Arya and the Hound are in the crowd, along with Jaime, and that’s not a good start for the Lannister army. Jaime just walkin’ around with a big-ass gold hand and shit. Armies are marching. Cersei finally appears at her perch, sans wine, so you know it is an occasion. They close the gates on people, and that damn near starts a riot, so obviously, Jaime dips off.

-Dany swoops in from the back and starts roasting the Iron Fleet or whatever they’re called, and this shit wouldn’t even be a fair fight if she still had even two dragons. They can’t seem to hit Drogon at all, and he is just BBQin’ mufuckas at will, mans was Steph Curry in Game 6. Grey Worm, Jon and Davos got their squad, but Drogon is like, nah, fire for EVERYONE. So their army rushes in and gets to choppin’. Grey Worm is on a MISSION, bruh. I have no idea where these Dothraki came from, because I thought they all died at Winterfell, but whatever, man. Truth be told, though, they aren’t needed. Dany and Drogon are having their way with the capital, just indiscriminate burning of shit.

-We have spent seven seasons yelling for Dany to use the dragons. She even did it once a season, someone was gettin’ burnt up. But now, she uses the dragons and people are like, innocent people, blah blah blah. Man, y’all don’t care about those people in King’s Landing. Get outta here with that. This is absolutely her character. Everyone kept saying she wasn’t her father, but she has shown enough to me in seven-plus seasons that yes, yes she is.

-Cersei hears Drogon, sees the city burning and is like, hmmmm, this is not how I planned it. She’s adamant though, even though Qyburn is like, we are getting are ASSES KICKED right now. Jon, Grey Worm, Davos and company roll up on some Lannisters as Tyrion surveys the damage. Jaime is still headed for Cersei. Drogon is mad. The Lannisters lay down their swords. Everyone surrenders, people start yelling to ring the damn bell and Cersei is like, for real? Y’all some bums. Everyone is looking at the bell for like, two minutes, and then it sounds. And you think that’s it.

-Dany is like, NOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPP. This is where my father died, this is where I almost died, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAP, FIRE FOR EVERYONE AND WHERE IS CERSEI AT? Jon is confused, and Grey Worm is like, well, their swords are on the ground anyway, let’s get it. And yo…..Drogon is literally zig-zagging and burning untold numbers of mufuckas, man. It was FANTASTIC. Tyrion, Jon, all y’all, stop being surprised. This was always on the table.

-Jon goes into slo-mo mode, kids are laying on the ground and shit, he stays killin’ people though. It’s literally the only thing Jon is good at. Drogon continues to fuck shit up. Euron and Jaime fight in a weird, I dunno, I didn’t really expect it, but anyway, they do that, Drogon is puttin’ up 48 points per game on King’s Landing on some “LeBron in Boston in Game 6 in 2012” shit. Easily the MVP of this episode. Jaime and Euron are still fighting, Jaime wins, even though he got stabbed at least twice. That’s fine. Did we really care about Euron? If you do, you’re a bad person.

-Qyburn tries to take Cersei somewhere safe, and then we get back to Jaime and Euron, and I told you how it ends, but damn, this is still going. Euron also says that he is the man who killed Jaime Lannister, and I mean….just hold on to that for a minute.

-Arya and the Hound finally get to the Red Keep, and the Hound wants Arya to leave and not worry about revenge on Cersei, as he waits for the Mountain. He makes a good point. The Hound has been powered by revenge, and he doesn’t want Arya to end up like him. Which is wonderful, given their history. She even thanks him with his government name.

-The Red Keep is falling. Oh, in the last scene, we saw that green dragonfire that we last saw when Cersei burnt up Religious Bernie Sanders. Apparently, Cersei didn’t use it all. Anyway, the Hound runs into his brother, Cersei and everyone, and he kills the Kingsguard like it was nothing. Cersei orders the Mountain to stay with her, and Qyburn tries to intervene, and he gets thrown into some rocks. Cersei is like, I can see this is a family thing, so if you don’t mind, (and this is some real Scotian shit), I’ma just sneak right by ya and go about my business. Also, the judges will accept, “skootch”. Anyway, people get CleganeBowl, so there, y’all got something, good grief.

-Cersei is wandering around, hearing dragons and wanting wine, and of course, Jaime finds her. They have their little moment as the Red Keep is falling down on them, while CleganeBowl is going on, and the Hound quickly realizes that, I can stab him hundreds of times, but it doesn’t matter, because he is practically a zombie. Mans walks down the steps like Thanos and shit, and proceeds to start messin’ up the Hound, and Arya probably hears it because she’s special like that. Arya runs through King’s Landing like an obstacle course, as the Hound is meeting his end, the Mountain is just wildin’ on him.

-Drogon is STILL fuckin’ shit up.

-The Mountain starts to dig out the Hound’s eyes, until the Hound stabs him in the eye with a knife, which is just a minor inconvenience. But the Hound sacrifices himself to take the Mountain down into the fire that is ALL of King’s Landing. That was always gon’ end in a draw.

-Jon and Davos tries to get everyone to fall back because Drogon, well, let me rephrase (and I’m not going back to change past references), Dany is outchea wildin’ out. Arya wakes up a hot mess, but she ain’t dead. She tries to lead some woman and her child to safety, but that ends in some Drogon hot fiya for ya face. Seriously, this Drogon performance is incredible. Jaime and Cersei get to, I believe where Tyrion told Jaime to go, and Cersei is like, I want our baby to live. Yeah, missus, I think it’s a little late for all that. The Red Keep collapses and it is presumed that they’re dead now. I mean, Game Of Thrones has done this before, with Stannis and not showing us his death. Truth be told, this is probably my biggest issue with this season, is that I didn’t see Cersei die. I’m black and white with Cersei: I either wanted her to win, or to die viciously and bloodily. Jaime, meh, I’m fine with that.

-And that being said, I’m not 100% they’re dead. I don’t know why, I’m probably wrong. But I don’t.

-Arya looks around at the carnage, and is like, maybe I should try this whole lady shit that Gendry was talkin’ about. But nah, she got bigger fish to fry now. And then she finds a horse and rides the fuck off like a G.

I had a big conclusion written, but it didn’t save before I published. So, I’ll try to remember everything I wrote (which obviously isn’t happening). Sansa is gon’ be back at Winterfell like, I TOLD Y’ALL SHE CAN’T BE TRUSTED. Someone has to take to Dany out before she turns on Jon and the Starks, and my money is probably on Arya, but I wouldn’t bet against Bran gettin’ his Raven on. Tyrion probably doesn’t make it out alive. If I had a guess, Sansa is left standing. I really don’t care at this point, though. I literally don’t care about opinions and “facts” and theories or any of that. 80 minutes to go, and I’m going to enjoy it. I suggest you do, too, or else, what are we doing this for?

Game Of Thrones S07E7 – The Dragon And The Wolf

Well, here we are, the seventh-season finale for Game Of Thrones, a season in which people had problems with some things. I guess. I got everything I needed to see from a show about dragons and white walkers and things that don’t exist. Anyway, let’s go, because a lot of shit happened and I gotta go to work.

-The episode opens with Grey Worm and the Unsullied standing in King’s Landing, and I don’t know when or how they got from Casterly Rock, but they’re there and that’s fine. The plot needs to move along and goddammit, we don’t have time. Jaime and Bronn make a couple dick jokes, as they’re wont to do around here, and on the low, Bronn is a solid MVP candidate for this season. He’s not the MVP, even though he might have had the single-best episode of anyone of this season, but still, props to him. He got one-liners AND he can fight. Meanwhile, Tyrion, Jon and company are rollin’ up to King’s Landing, and once they get there, it’s reunion city up in here. Tyrion and Pod, Brienne and the Hound (whom she tells Arya is still alive and I swear that dude caught at least two feelings), Tyrion and Bronn, who saw each other at the Jaime/Tyrion meeting, but they didn’t have time to talk. Tyrion tries to bribe Bronn, offering to double his pay as he did in the past and Bronn says he’s doing fine, but trust, Bronn would DEFINITELY betray anyone for money.

-They get to the Dragonpit, which just looks like somewhere that an ambush could happen, and Bronn tells Pod to come get a drink with him to let the fancy people talk. Cersei rolls up with Jaime, FrankenMountain, Qyburn and the squad, and instantly, the Hound walks to FrankenMountain and is like, fuck happened to you, homie? He also says that it won’t end like this for his brother, that he has always known how it ends for him, or some kinda indirect shit……basically, they gotta fight. I’m happy that it didn’t happen here, though, there is time for that down the line. Right now, we gotta get this round table of kings and queens and lords and shit. Cersei asks Tyrion where Dany is and he’s like, she’ll be here. And here she comes, swooping in on Drogon, who gives no semblance of fucks about the walls on the Dragonpit and if you don’t think that Cersei didn’t have that in mind when she chose this meeting place….it’s literally where the dragons died. But Dany doesn’t care and Drogon cares even less, just chillin’ like, hi guys, I will fuck your whole lives up with one word. But Cersei, being Queen Petty is like, bitch, you’re late, we got a schedule to maintain. She doesn’t move, doesn’t blink, nothing. Can’t be outchea showing fear. Now, EVERYONE is here outside of the Stark sisters and Bran, and that’s pretty damn awesome. Seven seasons deep and this is the first time that the likes of Cersei, Dany, Jon, Tyrion, Jaime, the Hound, Jorah, all these characters that we’ve been watching for so long, are all together.

-Then out of nowhere, Euron starts threatening Theon, talkin’ about I’ma kill your sister and then he goes at Tyrion and Cersei is like, if you don’t sit the fuck down, literally no one cares about this fuck-ass storyline, grown folks are tryna talk. I don’t get the Euron love, but I do know I’ll be mad when Theon kills him (which I’ll get to in a bit) and not Jaime. Jaime deserves it. Anyway, Jon tells Cersei about the Night King and the Army of the Dead and all this, and Cersei is like, man, I don’t care about all that, I still don’t even think you know what you’re talkin’ about. The Hound walks up with a backpack full of wight, lets him out and the chain is just long enough so that it’s right in front of Cersei’s face, and she finally flinches, not as much as a buncha other people, though. They kill it and Jon explains that they can kill it with dragonglass and fire, while Qyburn struggles to manage his hard-on at this biological and mythical, um, miracle, I guess you could call it. Anyway, he’s psyched. Jon finally gets to talk about the Great War and all that shit, and Euron is like, this shit is crazy, y’all can have it, they don’t swim, so I’ma take my ships and I’ll be chillin’ on this island until this is over. He leaves and Cersei is like, aight, we can do this, but Jon has to bend the knee and Jon is like, I’m already down with Dany, so Cersei is like, well, fuck off then and leaves. Brienne tries to talk to Jaime to get him to talk to Cersei, and she’s right, this isn’t about houses or any of that right now. Jaime is like, Jesus Christ, do you even know how crazy my sister is? YOU try and tell her that.

-Everyone is like, we’re happy that you’re down with Dany, Jon, but for the love of God, you can’t lie? Of course Jon can’t, but he’s a Stark……right? Anyway, Tyrion says that he’ll fix it……but he needs to talk to Cersei alone and everyone is like, ehhhhhh, I don’t know if that’s a good idea. There is literally a bounty on his head. So he goes to meet her, stops to talk to Jaime for a minute to both be like, yeah, our sister is fucking nuts, and then, led into her chambers by FrankenMountain. And here, we have, by far, the best scene of the episode because Peter Dinklage and Lena Headey remind you that they’re REALLY FUCKING GOOD at acting. The back-and-forth between them was incredible, with Tyrion admitting to everything he did, Cersei sneering, but not over how she missed her father, but how he left their family open to attack. The one time she showed humanity was over Tommen and Myrcella, which she blamed on Tyrion and it wasn’t his fault, and he’s like, fine, do what you gotta, but I loved those kids and you know it. Tyrion sent Myrella away to keep her safe, and Oberyn was the one who got her kid. Tyrion also knew that Tommen was just not built for this, and that’s on Cersei. Tyrion says to her that he’s thought of killing her more times that he can count, and I’ll never not laugh when he says it. He orders that she tell the Mountain to kill him, and I knew that she wouldn’t. Then, he downs a glass of wine, gets one for her and now they can talk rationally because they love booze. Cersei admits what we all know: that she doesn’t give one-third of an iota of a damn about making the world a better place, just about who is in her circle and Tyrion figures out that she is pregnant. That’ll be important for something that comes up later on. Anyway, neither of these two have really been able to stretch out their acting muscles this season on a regular basis. I don’t give a damn. Emmys for everyone based on this scene. EVERYONE.

-Back at the pit, Dany and Jon talk about how they need Cersei to agree to this plan and voila, here she is with Tyrion, agreeing to the plan. A couple things here: the sexual tension between Dany and Jon, I mean, we all knew what was coming later on, right? They practically got you ready for it. But more importantly, here is where you (and I, and I didn’t) should have been like, hmmmm, I wonder what Tyrion said to Cersei to get her to change her mind? Things are starting to get a little screwy. You think Cersei is just gon’ start being nice to mufuckas? I feel stupid.

-Alright, over in Winterfell, Littlefinger is doing his damndest to persuade Sansa that Arya wants her dead. Sansa also isn’t happy about Jon bending the knee to Dany, and Littlefinger is like, well, how about this…..well, we don’t hear him say it, but we’ll see what happened in a minute.

-Back at the war room for Team Snowgaryen, Jon thinks he and Dany should go to the North together to show that they’re together and Lord Friendzone Jorah tries to step in hard on that interception, saying that she should go up by herself. He’ll never stop trying to get her. I wonder what he’ll try next season. But she says she’ll sail up with Jon, and it’s goin’ down. Jon leaves and Theon catches up to him, and long story short, Jon forgives him on some bullshit, he runs down to his people, says some shit about “FOR YARA” and they’re like, if you don’t run the fuck on somewhere. He then proceeds to get the shit beat out of him by big dude, who says that he’ll kill him if he doesn’t stay down. Oh, NOW he gets some courage and keeps getting up. Big dude knees him in the non-existent nuts and for whatever reason, that hulks Theon up like, I AIN’T EVEN GOT NUTS, and he turns the tables and beats big dude to death, even though it doesn’t look like his punches hurt half as much as big dude. Anyway, the Ironborn get behind him, they’re going to get Yara or something and I wanted to stop watching because fuck Theon, fuck his story, fuck every single person that loves him and I’ll be so mad when he kills Euron. That shit should have better odds than prime Tiger Woods at the Masters. It’s happening, more than any other thing that it is set to happen in this show. I WANT DROGON TO EAT HIS LIFE.

-Alright, I feel a bit better.

-Back to Winterfell, Sansa calls Arya into a room of soldiers and starts talkin’ about murder and treason……but she accuses Littlefinger of it and booooooooooyyyyy, does he ever get to stammering. He starts coppin’ every plea in the book and all I needed was to see Arya take a big ol’ sip of a glass of tea while Sansa is like, you killed my aunt, you wanted to have her husband killed, you started the whole Lannister-Stark beef, you got my father killed and they didn’t get to him tryna kill Bran, which I don’t know if they know, although you’d figure that Ol’ Three Eyed Raven Face over there would know. Bran is like, yo, you held a knife to our father’s throat and said I told you not to trust me and Littlefinger is like HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL OF THESE THINGS, B. Arya also says that he told her mother that the dagger was Tyrion’s and really it was his and that’s when he’s like, yo, Knights, y’all gotta get me outta here and they’re like, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOAP I DON’T THINK SO, TIM, and anyway, Arya kills him with the dagger like we all hoped she would. The internet partied. Littlefinger had a good run, he really shouldn’t have lasted this long. Someone pointed it out on the internet, I really need to start liking these tweets and remembering, but they said that Littlefinger got cocky and should have gotten the fuck outta dodge when Bran hit him with the “Chaos is a ladder” joint. The ONLY person that would know about that is Varys. Nah, bruh, you gotta get outta there, ASAPtually. Anyway, peace to Littlefinger. It was fun. And shouts to Sansa for catching on. I knew she wasn’t that stupid. She’s smarter than you think. She’s not brilliant or anything, but she does enough to stay alive.

-Cersei and Jaime meet up as he is readying the troops for this Up North Trip (shouts to Mobb Deep, RIP Prodigy) and she tells him nah, in the illustrious words of the South Central Mozambiquean poet, Kendrick Lamar, FUCK YO TRUCE, and all this shit was a set-up. Euron is going to get the Golden Company, she’s gon’ let Dany and Jon think she has their back, something happened to the dragons because there was three and now there is two, so she’s gon’ figure that out with all these mercenaries. Jaime is like, did you NOT just see what the fuck I seen? Between the wight and the dragons and the Dothraki and the Unsullied and the North and all that shit, you STILL wanna do this? But even Jaime, yes, Jaime, underestimated the pettiness and insanity of his sisterbabymama. Cersei is going down fighting, regardless, and would you put it past her to try and become the damn Night Queen if that means staying alive? Shit, at this point, I would put that at like, +800 (which are decent odds). Jaime is like, fuck it, I’m going north and FrankenMountain gets in the way. Here is where I thought it was going down. I was more afraid of Jaime dying than Tyrion, and I don’t mean afraid in that I care about Jaime living or dying, but that she’d actually do it, which she didn’t. Those two dying at the hands of each other has to be like, +400. Jaime leaves by himself, puts a glove on his gold hand like it’s gon’ get cold or something, feels the snow falling like, the fuck is this winter shit (I imagine this is what people in Los Angeles or something would feel like if they saw snow) and headed north.

-Sam gets to Winterfell with Gilly and, um, I think his name is Sam Jr, Lil’ Sam? Tim? Anyway, the baby (I can never remember his name). He meets Bran, who you’d think would know he was coming, but whatever, Sam asks him what happened to him beyond the Wall and Bran is like, I became the Three Eyed Raven. Sam hits that Sansa line and is like, I don’t know what that means. Bran explains that he can see all of the things, past and present, all of the time, but then he asks Sam what he wants and I’d be like, I THOUGHT YOU KNEW EVERYTHING, B. Sam says that Jon is the one to lead the fight against the Army of the Dead, but he can’t do it alone. Bran is like, he’s on his way back with Daenerys Targaryen, and Sam is like, vision? And Bran is like, nah, raven, dogg. Then Bran spills all the tea on Jon, that he is the son of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark, and Sam is like, yooooooooooooo, I stole this diary and I read that Rhaegar’s first marriage was annulled and he actually married Lyanna, so Jon is actually a trueborn Targaryen, which means he is the heir to the Iron Throne. And I bet Sam will have to be the one to tell Jon because Sam always has to tell Jon some bad news.

-So now, we get to incest time, and they brood, and they look at each other longingly, and they smash. Which sparked an international conversation about how much incest is too much incest, and if they didn’t know it was incest, is it REALLY incest? The answer is, man, this show was built on incest and the entire Targaryen empire was built on incest, so you know wanna know what? Let them cook. Send Jaime back to King’s Landing and let’s have a tag-team incest match between Dany and Jon (or whatever his real name is, I’m calling him Jon for the rest of the show, so whatever), and Jaime and Cersei. And I still think Tyrion is a Targaryen somehow, someway, until they prove that he is not, and then it’s a handicap match. I didn’t even mean that, that actually wrote itself. But I stand behind it.

-So now, we have Tyrion, who sees Jon go inside and he’s like, awwwww man…..this is bad. Now, this could go a couple ways. I initially thought that it was because, it’s just a bad time for all this, incest or not…..gotta stay focus on the task at hand. But then my girl sent me this Huffington Post article (thanks, lovey) because she asked me why Tyrion cared that Cersei was pregnant, because really, he shouldn’t give a damn. I don’t even think that she is, 100%, but since Maury can’t make an appearance, we’ll just have to trust Cersei, which sounds really fucking stupid, but here we are. Did Tyrion get soft and cut a deal with Cersei to betray Dany? And then there is the whole matter of Tyrion mentioning shit to Dany about having an heir to the throne, since she said she can’t have kids. Anyway, it’s a very interesting article. Quite frankly, I don’t really read many articles on Game Of Thrones just because people pick it apart and it’s all too damn much when really, it’s just a television show. But it’s worth a click.

-Arya and Sansa stand on top of a wall and they’re cool now, and they miss their father. Good for them. I think I’d care more if they got all the Theon time. Yes, I definitely would.

-Bran is out by the tree, wargin’ away the time, and he sends the ravens to the Wall, where Tormund and Beric are there, when they notice the Army of the Dead coming out of the trees. And that’s when I’m like, LOOK UP, MUFUCKAS, LOOK UP, YOU KNOW WHAT’S COMING. The Night King rolls up with Viserion and starts wreckin’ shop, shooting some sort of blue flame at the Wall and he brought that mufucka down like it was made of Lego. I’m sure Beric and Tormund survived somehow, but that shit ain’t important because the spectacle of Viserion just flapping there, breathing fire with all of his might until the Wall came down, man, if that didn’t move your soul to a different place, then we ain’t built the same and that’s completely fine. Anyway, they’re coming now, and they got two years to get there, so they should be at Winterfell by then.

-Season 7 MVP (Character) – The Night King. HE HAS A FUCKING ZOMBIE DRAGON. WHAT ARE WE EVEN TALKING ABOUT?

-Season 7 MVP (Actor/Actress) – Lena Headey, for the scene here and the joint where she locked Ellaria and her daughter up. Cersei is a goddamn maniac.

Well, that was fun. And sometimes, that’s all that needs to be had. Mufuckas was outchea making Game Of Thrones The Walking Dead. Nah. Not tryna hear it, especially in a fantasy show. And we wouldn’t even be in this position if homeboy had gotten the books done, maybe. But I don’t even care. It’s still the heavyweight champion of television and dammit, I was entertained. I’ll be shallow, but I’ll be entertained.

Anyway, I could probably add another 1,000 words, but I gotta get to work. Maybe I’ll update or write another post at some point. Shit, we got like, two years until it comes back, so I have plenty of time. They shouldn’t even tell us when it drops, just drop Season 8 in the middle of the night like a Beyonce album and see how many mufuckas call in to work that day, Thanks for rockin’ with me, shouts to Pat for being my editor and yeah……we’ll do this again in 2019 (although I might do something for American Horror Story, depending on work life).

Game Of Thrones S06E10 – The Winds Of Winter

Well, after six damn seasons of Game Of Thrones, winter is finally here. But there was a fair amount of heat in the Season 6 finale, “The Winds Of Winter”, unequivocally one of the best episodes in the entire series and the name of the upcoming sixth book. Let’s go………

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-Um, let’s start with Sam and Gilly because this shit will be quick. They show up at Oldtown and walk up to the the maester’s version of the front desk, and much like any front desk you’ve ever been to, the receptionist is not here for any of Sam’s shit. He made Sam’s big ass stretch across that desk to give him the letter from Jon, saying he is supposed to be the new maester, and Mr. Receptionist was like, new Lord Commander? No Maester Aegon? WE DON’T BELIEVE YOU, YOU NEED MORE PEOPLE. But eventually, he lets Sam into the library, but not Gilly and Little Sam because Sam knew women and children weren’t allowed there. Anyway, Sam has to read like, three million books and he’s pretty psyched about it. Good for him. The fuck you gon’ do with Gilly and Little Sam?

-Let’s move up to the Twins, where Walder Frey is being full of himself as usual, partyin’ off their win over the Blackfish and the Tullys, while Bronn is gettin’ pissy with Jaime because all the women want him. Jaime, being the best wingman ever, calls over two women and Bronn is like, fuck it, I’ll take them, but first, he hit Jaime with the “not blond enough for you?” as both women had dark hair. It was obviously a shot at Jaime about Cersei, and really, Bronn is the only one who can get away with that shit. He has done it before, but what can Jaime say? Bronn has done a lot of shit for Jaime over these last six seasons. Then Jaime moves on Walder Frey, and basically says to him that the Lannisters don’t really need him if they have to ride up and save him every time he loses the Riverlands. He’s not wrong. Walder couldn’t have pulled off the Red Wedding without the Lannisters, and now this. That should have been the first sign for Walder to watch his back, ol’ pedo-ass bastard. But then, he’s chillin’ and in walks a girl that we saw in the previous scene, getting Jaime’s attention. Walder slaps her ass and says she’s too pretty to be one of his, and he asks for his sons. She was like, oh, your sons are right there, on ya mufuckin’ plate and that they were hard to carve up…..and bruh, she pulled off that mask…….ARYA. She says her full name again, completely throwing that “No One” shit in the bushes, and proceeds to slit his throat….and smiles at him. Does this make up for all the other shit that hasn’t happened for Arya this season? Not completely, but it damn sure helps. And this means that Arya is at Riverrun, so how did she get…..actually, you know what? Never mind. She’s there and that’s all that matters. Winterfell next? Maybe King’s Landing? She got that kill list to work on.

-Benjen drops Meera and Bran close to the Wall, right beside a weirwood tree, but Benjen can’t go past the Wall, which has magic or some shit that prevents him from going past it because technically, he’s dead. Sooooooooo…….does this mean the White Walkers and ’em can’t go past the Wall, either? How does that work? Anyway, we’ll figure that shit out later. Bran looks at the tree and was like, I ain’t warged in a minute and Meera is like, you better wake the fuck up when I grab you this time. He goes into his flashback, and it’s at the Tower of Joy, where we hear the screams of Lyanna Stark, and Ned goes on to see what’s up with his sister. She is lying in a pool of blood and whispers to Ned that well, she just had a baby and her father would kill her if she knew who the father was, and we can all safely assume that the father is Rhaegar Targaryen and book readers smugly stroked their chin upon this being revealed. To be fair to them, though, this is one of the theories that I’ve run across that wasn’t stupid, and it NEVER sat well with me that Ned had a bastard child when all we heard about was how honorable he was. Like, that was Ned’s THING, right until the end. But he came up with that story because Jon Snow would have been killed if anyone knew his father was Rhaegar was his father. So yes, Jon is part-Targaryen. He’d better learn to ride a dragon (remember, Rhaegar was Dany’s brother and fun fact, he was supposed to marry Cersei, but his father, the Mad King, said Cersei wasn’t good enough for him and that obviously pissed Tywin off. I could probably write another thousand words on how many people the Targaryens pissed off, and how not good that is for Dany……maybe later). That shit will come in handy.

-Speaking of Jon, he’s chillin’ with Melisandre when Davos bursts in the room and throws some shit at Melisandre, which turns out to be Shireen’s little wooden elk, which is some bullshit in the first place, but whatever. He forces her to tell Jon about the burning of Shireen at the stake, but Melisandre puts up a fight, saying that it was the Lord of Light, but also her parents as Stannis and whatever her mother’s name was were in on it, too. Davos is like, where did that get any of them, and Melisandre is like, shit….you’re not wrong. Jon asks is she has anything to say for herself and Melisandre counters with the fact that, well, she brought him back to life, and the great war is on the way and she’ll be useful to him, which is probably right. But Jon was raised by Ned and he does the honorable thing, which is to tell Melisandre to ride south and never come to the North again, or he’ll have her hanged as a murderer, while Davos is like, fuck all that, I’ll kill you my damn self. And I mean, I get it, killing Shireen was kinda fucked up. But she DID bring Jon Snow back and she probably will be able to help in the great war. She’s not done, we’ll see her again. For their sake, they better hope they see her again. But goddamn, Davos was mad as shit, come like they found a text on their significant other’s phone. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT……I don’t think we’ve ever heard him that mad. And now that I think about it….does he need to go to the Iron Bank and pay that debt for Stannis? That literally just popped into my head.

Jon meets with Sansa, who says that he should sleep in their parents’ old room, but Jon wants her to have it. She admits that not telling him about Littlefinger was the wrong thing to do, which is correct, because people were furious about that last week. Jon asks if she trusts Littlefinger, which she says she doesn’t and I think she knows better than that, but she needed him. Jon tells her they have to be honest with each other if they’re gon’ run Winterfell, but they’ll have this problem again. Oh, and they find out that winter is here through a white raven, and it’s just like their father told them as it’s the motto of House Stark and he it’s the name of the first episode of the series. It’s about damn time. Then Sansa meets with Littlefinger, who finally shoots his shot with her. He tried to kiss her and Sansa was like, nah, thanks for the army, tho. That’s some cold shit. He won’t take that lying down.

Later on, all the lords of the North have gathered and mufuckas are mad that the wildlings are there, but Tormund said they were invited. AND, did you not just see us out there fighting for your punk asses? We lost the last giant (#RIPWUNWUN) out here for y’all, which is all a true story. Jon then tells everyone that the great war is yet to be fought, and then there are some that still think Jon shouldn’t be in charge because he’s a bastard. But Lyanna Mormont steps up to the plate and all but started her speech with, “man, y’all some bitches”. She names all the houses that stopped fuckin’ with the Starks after the Red Wedding, and people that wouldn’t fight the Boltons with him. Where has this little girl been this entire series? I feel cheated that we’re just now gettin’ these Lyanna bars. And y’all are some bitches because you’re getting run by a 10-year-old that has just 62 fightin’ mufuckas….well, um, probably not 62 after last week. I wonder how many of them survived? I’d guess not many. Anyway, they all declare Jon the King Of the North and everyone is chanting, but Sansa looks in the back and Littlefinger is NOT happy because he thinks that’s his spot. So keep an eye on that because if there is one thing we know, it is that Littlefinger won’t stop until he gets what he wants. And he has an army that is probably bigger than Jon’s. But it’s nice to see the Starks taking a W or two after six entire seasons of Ls.

-Aight, NOW, on to the good stuff. The episode starts with everyone getting ready for the trials of Cersei and Loras. It is a very slow and deliberate beginning, and and very detailed, starting with the little kid who whispers something Pycelle as he is getting ready to go, and after he doesn’t pay a prostitute, and you can never trust someone who does that. Loras is brought out of his cell and I assume he’s not making it out of this episode, but instead of a trial, Loras confessed to everything, like, a whole buncha shit. I was waiting for buggery, but no buggery, I think he just used a different name for it. Anyway, he says that he’s done with his Tyrell name, he’ll never have kids, yada yada yada, but that’s not enough as the Sparrows carve that star into his head and Margaery is PISSED. The High Sparrow ain’t pressed tho, and he’s like, these things happen. He also said that Loras wouldn’t be released until Cersei’s trial, but she won’t leave the Red Keep, so he sends Lancel to get her. Of course, Cersei is chillin’ with her wine, mentally tellin’ mufuckas what they ain’t gon’ do today, and when Tommen goes to head to the trial, he’s greeted by FrankenMountain, and that’s when you knew it was about to be ON. Then you have Pycelle, who follows that kid under the Sept into a room with Qyburn, who says that he has no ill will towards Pycelle….but apparently this gang of little kids do. They stabbed the shit outta Pycelle, b. That has to be a record for most times one person has been stabbed in this show.

Margaery knows something is going on with Cersei and Tommen not being there, and says there is some sort of trap, but the High Sparrow is arrogant and was like, meh, it’ll be fine. So Margaery is like, fuck this, and tries to leave, but the Sparrows hold her back. Meanwhile, no one is looking for Lancel, who has followed another kid under the Red Keep, and then the kid stabs him in the spine. He gets to crawling, and it seemed like that dude was on the ground for hours, and he’s crawling, and he’s crawling…and then he discovers the wildfire that they’ve mentioned like, three times in the most recent episodes (I called it firewater in my notes, I was close). He sees a candle and does everything he can to get there to put it out, but he doesn’t get there in time and BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM……down goes the Sept, the High Sparrow, Margaery and Loras, the Faith Militant, EVERYONE. We have two points of view here: one is Cersei, who is smirking with what might be her third glass of wine, and then there is Tommen…..who stares out of the window in disbelief, takes his crown off, we hear him sit it down, and then back to the window and doesn’t even hesitate, just walks the fuck out. So there is the prophecy; it was foretold that Cersei’s kids would all die. I don’t know if her having anything to do with it was in there, but they’re gone.

AND THEN, Cersei walks in a room where the big-ass nun is strapped to a table, and she is telling the nun to confess, and pouring wine all over her face. You KNOW Cersei hates you if she’s wasting wine on you. Cersei then confesses to killing her husband and fucking her brother and doing all sorts of shit on the strength of feeling good, and the nun is like fuck it, I’m ready to die, I’m good. But no, no, no, Cersei ain’t ready for that yet….she brings in FrankenMountain, who takes off his mask, and we don’t know what he is doing to her as Cersei leaves, but we hear the blood-curdling screams and it surely can’t be good for ol’ nun, and Cersei walks off repeating “Shame, Shame”, because she’s Queen Petty.

However, a damper is put on the party when Qyburn tells Cersei that Tommen is dead, and she’s like, welp, burn him and put him with his grandfather, brother and sister, and it’s there that hits Cersei, her whole damn family is dead….all she has left is Jaime. No mention of Robert, tho, which isn’t surprising. But Jaime’s reaction is the best as he and Bronn return from Riverrun with King’s Landing burning, and he’s like, fuck, what did she do now. He walks in just in time to see Cersei being crowned Queen of the Seven Kingdoms by Qyburn, and yo…….CERSEI IS ON THE FUCKIN’ THRONE. The season is a success for me because I just wanted Cersei to get revenge and then die, but to put her on the throne? Something that she tried to run with Robert, then killed him, then her sons, and that didn’t work out. But she should be careful because the Iron Throne isn’t really the place to be if you want to live. And besides, Cersei’s plans ALWAYS backfire, so it’s only a matter of time before that shit comes crashing down. However. The Revenge of Cersei is complete and the High Sparrow is dead, so I’m good.

-Quickly, we stopped in Dorne where Ellaria had called Lady O for a meeting, and Lady O is not in the mood for anything. She needs some backup as she blames Cersei for the deaths of Margaery and Loras, and rightly so, oh, and her son, their father, also died at the Sept. Ellaria is all about some Lannister vengeance, but not before Lady O cusses out all three of the Sand Snakes for no reason other than they exist. I love that lady. No one makes some feel small better than Lady O, them bars cut like a knife. But then Varys is revealed, and I’ll tell you what I think that is all about in the next section. So that’s where he was going, but wouldn’t tell Tyrion.

-Finally, we end in Meereen, where Dany breaks up with Daario, which kinda came outta nowhere, but I was okay with it. He is to stay there with the Second Sons and make sure Meereen is smooth, and he’s on some “please baby baby please” shit, but Dany is like, nah, I got shit to do. She tried him as a piece, and it was lowkey hilarious to see the shoe on the other foot, far different from what we’re used to seeing in, well, 90% of television shows outchea. And he’s mad at Tyrion, who is sitting outside and waiting for Dany to see how Daario took the news (meh, he was fine, probably went to a brothel).

Tyrion tries to console her, but Dany is more worried that she doesn’t feel anything about it. The two sit down and talk about what they believe in, and Tyrion didn’t believe in anything, but he believes in her and I’m not going through the shit word for word, but I wouldn’t be surprised if both Emilia Clarke and Peter Dinklage used this as their Emmy scene (even though neither of them should win). Just the way it was shot, with them in the frame and the window behind them….this is the shit we’ve been building towards and what I’ve been waiting for since Tyrion got to Meereen. He even said it: she has ships, an army, some big-ass dragons….only one thing left to do. As I mentioned before, the Targaryens aren’t liked in King’s Landing, but who cares….she has all of the aforementioned things. Anyway, Dany makes Tyrion the Hand of the Queen and he kneels, but hey, he has been the Hand before. We close with Yara and Theon and the Iron Fleet (and I assume Euron is building, what, ship #17 of 1,000 at this point), and then Dany, Missandei, Tyrion and Varys on another ship, with Drogon up above. Dany is FINALLY going to Westeros, and she better not make any damn stops along the way. And yeah, Varys…..he got back in time (don’t worry about how long it took for all this, Dorne is kinda close to Meereen and that shit doesn’t mean anything in this show). So he’s aligning Dany and ’em with Dorne and Highgarden against the Lannisters? Tyrion won’t mind, although he’ll do his best to save Jaime, which isn’t likely considering that, you know, he kinda killed Dany’s father. And yo, whatever happen to Melisandre #2, that knew all about Varys’ past and had him shook?

And that was that. The end to Season 6, which might be just after Season 4 for my favorite season, and this was one of the best episodes of the series, hands down. I’m fine with there being fewer episodes in the season (there are seven slated for next season) if they’re going to be longer, and if they’re all this good. I’m not even gon’ speculate on what will happen next season, I’ma let this season marinate and we’ll deal with all that shit over the next ten months, which seems like a long time, but we’ll get through it.

Season 6 MVP: Lena Headey as Cersei. Honorable mention for Sophie Turner as Sansa. I wanted it to be Maisie Williams as Arya, but that storyline dragged for a while.

Thanks for reading and making this the most fun I’ve had since starting this blog, and I haven’t figured out what’s next yet. But whatever it is, it won’t be as fun as Game Of Thrones, the king of television right now.

Game Of Thrones S06E08 – No One

We’re officially in the homestretch of Game Of Thrones‘ sixth season with “No One”, and things are set up for a wild final two episodes. Too bad that I liked everything about this episode, except the storyline that sparked the title. Let’s go…..

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-Let’s start with Riverrun, because there’s a whole buncha shit goin’ on in those streets. Brienne and Pod da Gawd got there to holla at the Blackfish, but they realize that the Lannister army is there as well, and the Freys, but they’ve already proven to not be worth a damn. They’re surrounded quickly by Lannister people, and Brienne tells them that she wants to speak to Jaime, and she has his sword. So she goes to meet him in a tent, while Bronn sees Pod and starts fuckin’ with him, making jokes and he offers to teach him how to fight. I wonder how many times he has pulled that “look at your stance” joint….that shit is the “are your shoes untied” of Westeros, I bet. Jaime and Brienne’s meeting was fine enough. Brienne needs help for Sansa and her battle, but Jaime is like, we’re kinda fighting Blackfish right now, so if you can just take a number. Brienne at least gets Jaime to let her talk to the Blackfish and Jaime was like, cool, I’ll let him leave, but he gotta be out by nightfall and when Brienne tries to give him back his sword, he denies her. Then Brienne pulls some shit about having to fight him if the Blackfish won’t surrender because of her oath to Catelyn Stark, and if I’m Jaime, I’m like, well give me back my sword, then. What kinda shit is this? I suppose the name of the sword is Oathkeeper, but still, gotta let some shit slide, Brienne. And that is why she’ll die at some point. Anyway, she goes to the Blackfish and tries to talk to him, and he’s like naaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Even when she brings up Sansa, Blackfish is like, I’d love to, but I got some thangs goin’ on right now and I can’t spare it. So she sends a raven to tell Sansa it’s a no-go, but Sansa is already on the horn to Littlefinger, because we all think she was writing the letter to him last week, right? Right.

Jaime then goes to Edmure Tully, who is kinda being a dick and Jaime tells him that he has a son with Roslin Frey, and if he can convince the Blackfish to get out, Jaime will let them live out their days at Casterly Rock. Edmure is still kinda being a dick and then Jaime tells him about being Catelyn’s captor, and he came to respect her for her love of her children, which is why he loves Cersei and basically, he’ll kill every Tully in here (word to Riley Cooper, look it up) to get back to her. Bruh, he said he would catapult his son off the castle. So Edmure obviously changes his mind and goes to the Blackfish, who doesn’t want the guards to even open the drawbridge, but they do. Edmure orders that they surrender to the Lannisters because technically, his pops was Hoster Tully (Catelyn’s pops as well), so Edmure is the Lord of Riverrun. He allows the Lannisters and Freys to come in, put their banners up, pictures on the wall, feet all on their couch, spillin’ popcorn on the floor, all that. Then he orders the Blackfish to be in chains, and the Blackfish refused to leave with Brienne instead, instead opting to fight. It is reported that he died, but I ain’t see the fight, so it didn’t happen. The shit ends with Brienne and Pod leaving on a boat, and she and Jaime wave to each other. That was kinda underwhelming…..I want more Jaime and Brienne, but I guess purposes have to be served. And Sansa definitely isn’t getting the help of Riverrun now as Jaime pointed out that she is still a suspect in Joffrey’s death.

-Over at King’s Landing, the Faith Militant want to see Cersei and they’re led by Cousin Lancel, who lowkey started all this shit in the first place. Lancel tells Cersei that the High Sparrow wants to see her and she’s like, nah, tell him to come to me. Lancel tells her that if she doesn’t come nicely, there might be violence and Cersei is like, what, you don’t see FrankenMountain behind me? I choose violence, she says, which seems like something she has said before and even if she didn’t, she has definitely thought it. One of the dudes tries to step to him, but his sword got stuck in FrankenMountain’s armor. FrankenMountain then picks the dude up and throws him, and then rips off his head and Lancel is like, you know what? Maybe we’ll come back later. Then Cersei goes to the Great Hall to find that something is going on and she wasn’t told, but Uncle Kevan tells her she’s not apart of the circle and she can go stand with the regular people. The announcement comes from Tommen that trials by combat are now forbidden, and you knew that was coming after Lancel watched his homeboy get his lid ripped off. He went back to the High Sparrow and was like, nah, we can’t do this, dogg. This puts Cersei at a supreme disadvantage because FrankenMountain is literally all she has. What is she gon’ do now? Qyburn tells Cersei that he had been investigating an old rumor that she had told him about, and the rumor was more than a rumor. I’ve no idea what the hell they’re talking about, but we’ll find out soon enough. All I know is that Cersei is in quite a pickle. What is about to be, a spelling bee? Slam dunk contest? Should be interesting.

-Over to Meereen, where the Red Priestesses are telling everyone that Dany was sent by the Lord of Light to stop slavery (which isn’t really working out for her), while Tyrion and Varys are scheming, as they’re known to do. They’re skeptical on putting these “fanatics” in a position to control the people and well, they should maybe look over to King’s Landing to see how that is working out for them. Anyway, Varys says he’ll go on a secret mission to recruit people to help Dany when she gets to Westeros….but how do they know she’s going there? She should and I hope she does, but I’m not saying shit until she does. Anyway, he leaves and Tyrion goes to hang with Grey Worm and Missandei, and he gets them to have a drink with him, Missandei, at least. He also wants jokes and Missandei tries to tell one and Grey Worm is like, that’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard in my life and I’m like, dogg….she wants to fuck with you and you ain’t got no dick….AND NOW YOU’RE SHITTING ON HER JOKES? Apparently, that was him making a joke and Missandei, who is LIT off one sip of wine, starts laughing and he smiles at her. I bet Missandei would destroy a bottle of Boone’s wine. That, or some Palm Bays.

But then, they hear the sound of shooting and they see a buncha ships from Astapor, Yunkai and Volantis, firing flaming arrows and all sorts of other shit. They’re killing Meereen and Tyrion is like, well, diplomacy didn’t work, so how about you handle this, Grey Worm? Then they hear footsteps on the roof of the pyramid and the guards go to investigate, but they bow….it’s Dany, who came back with Drogon and man, she burst in that room like the “All Lives Matter” movement (with their bullshit, but anyway). That shit was hilarious. All she needed was a cape and to put her hands on her hips. So yeah, Dany back and next week, or maybe two weeks from now, Drogon and his brothers will absolutely get it poppin’. If she can swing it, shoot, there are ships there for the taking, but I fear the dragons will burn the shit outta them.

-Next, we’re in the Riverlands, where the Brotherhood Without Banners are crackin’ jokes after their destruction of Ian McShane and ’em.The Hound rolls up behind them with his axe and ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh, heads were rollin’ all over the damn place. Groins were cut, guts were spilled, all that shit, he went to town on mufuckas. Then he keeps going to find more of them, and he finds Beric Dondarrion, who the Hound killed back in Season 3 in a trial by combat, but he keeps coming back to life because of the Lord of Light and Thoros, who is also there with him. They’re going to hang a few more people involved with the massacre of McShane and ’em, and the Hound is like, lemme kill ’em. Thoros is like, cool, but you can’t butcher them and the Hound is like, normally I’d kill all y’all mufuckas and then, them, but fine, we’ll hang ’em. He probably also realized that he already killed Beric and well, here he is, so what’s the point. He also takes one of the men’s boots because, fuck him.

The Hound chills with the Brotherhood, who want him to join up because he’s a damn beast and that “cold winds are blowingin the North”. Basically, the White Walkers are coming and they need his help, and hopefully, he will. The Hound is a beast, but I don’t know how much he can do against them. Can’t hurt to try, tho.

-Sigh…..finally to Braavos, where Lady Crane is playing Cersei, mourning Joffrey, but this script has been edited to add Cersei’s revenge like Arya suggested. She walks offstage and there is Arya, chillin’, hangin’ out, you know, just bleeding out. She helps Arya because apparently she is a damn EMT on the side….problem #1 with this. Lady Crane then tells Arya that she beat up Bianca, who Arya pointed out as wanting her dead, and then she asks Arya to join the play company and go to Pentos. Arya takes some milk of the poppy (heroin, opium, whatever you want to call it) and goes to sleep, and wakes up to a dead Lady Crane, who was killed by the Waif, who disguised herself as a man. Arya is like, fuck this, and jumps out of a window like Omar on The Wire, and not a sprained ankle, a broken toe, nothing……strike #2. They run through the streets like an old-school samurai movie, and Arya falls down some steps….like, barrel rolls down like, 15 or 20 steps. You know what? I won’t give this a strike, but a strong sideeye. She gets to a darkened room that has a candle in it, and the Waif tells her that she can die on her feet, or on her knees, so Arya takes out Needle and cuts out the flame for strike #3. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO……where did Needle come from and more importantly, why didn’t she pull that shit out from the jump? Good on her realizing that maybe she fought better when she was blind, so she cut out the candle…..but seriously, why not pull that shit out? I’m not watching it again, but this all seems stupid and I’m not buying it.It’s fine, though. It’s okay to criticize Game Of Thrones. It does some stupid shit sometimes. Like, how did she not know the Waif would show up at Lady Crane’s? Arya was so damn sloppy, but of course, they were never going to kill her. Like, EVER.

Then, Jaqen gets to the Hall of Faces and finds a trail of blood, which he follows to the wall and he sees the face of the Waif with her eyes gouged out. Arya is behind him and asks him if he sent the Waif to kill her, which he admits and he’s impressed as she has become No One and can roll with the Faceless Men. Arya is like, man, fuck y’all, I am Arya Stark of Winterfell and I’m going the fuck home. Jaqen smiles and is like, cool, but he’s not done with her. I’m done with this storyline, though. It was a solid idea, but it has gone on long enough and if she just goes home to do whatever, what the hell was this all for?

My biggest, biggest, biggest problem with this, though? We didn’t get to see Arya kill the Waif. We’ve watched this monster of a human being fuck Arya’s whole life up for more than a season. She has kicked her ass with weapons, without weapons, with sight, with no sight, while she was awake, while she was asleep…..for all this, we deserve to see her die. I thought that was kinda cheap. But hey, I’ll live. Now, where will Arya go? No point in going back to Winterfell…..or is there?

Next week, my friends…..”Battle of the Bastards”, and it’s directed by Miguel Sapochink, who is also directing next week’s finale (which is like, 70 minutes long or some shit). Sapochink directed last season’s “Hardhome“, aka the White Walker Party, and he also did the preceding episode, “The Gift“. If he’s at the helm, then I’m thinking the next two episodes are going to be just LOADED with killing and gratuitous violence. I’m not sure if the episode will be centered entirely on Winterfell as GOT tends to do with big battles like Hardhome, and Season 2’s Blackwater, but I have a feeling it will be. We’ll see Jon, Sansa, Ramsay, Rickon, Littlefinger will probably be in the house, Davos, all of them will be prominent, and don’t forget Lyanna and the 62 Mormonts. If not, I’m sure Dany will be a thing, we gotta get back to Bran, and hopefully someone would have killed either Tommen, the High Sparrow or Cersei, because we’re not getting out of this season with one of those three dying; possibly all three. I’m so fuckin’ ready for next week.

Game Of Thrones S05E10 – Mother’s Mercy

Game Of Thrones had large shoes to fill for the Season 5 finale as they not only had to follow Season 4’s beast of a final episode but they’ve been on a stunning run over the last few weeks after a subpar first half. Did “Mother’s Mercy” satisfy? I’d go so far as to say it was the best finale in the history of the series. Let’s go (shoutout to Mel for the picture, we all know it’s true, too)…..

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-Melisandre is so happy because the ice is melting, which means Stannis and his army can continue to march towards Winterfell, so that makes burning Shireen last week all good, right? Not so much. Stannis ain’t tryna hear anything she has to say, then he learns that half of the army he’d amassed bailed because of the Shireen thing, then he gets called out to the woods because Selyse hung herself over her newfound maternal guilt. Good. I ain’t like her anyway. But Stannis decides they’re still going to march, because dammit, all these people didn’t die for nothing….or did they? Stannis is so damn stubborn, b.

-Jon is describing what he saw at Hardhome to Sam, who asks Jon if he can go study to be a maester at Oldtown with Gilly and her baby, which you get the feeling is why he really wants to leave. Jon says to Sam that the Citadel is another place where he won’t be allowed to be with women and Sam was like, too late for that, playboy and hits this smirk that might have been the most humorous moment of the episode. They both broke that fuckass “no sex” rule, and both were with wildlings. That’s why everyone is so mad up at Castle Black. Ain’t no one fuckin’.

-Stannis and his sorry army are slothing towards Winterfell with their tattered flags and like, 45 people, then we cut to Sansa picking the lock to get of her room with the corkscrew she stole a couple episodes ago while she was walking with Ramsey, then of course SHE DROPS THE CORKSCREW. Much like Sam and the dragonglass, Sansa must have figured, hey, I don’t need that anymore. Anyway, she rushes through the courtyard to the tower in which she was to light the candle. Meanwhile, Pod Da Gawd sess Stannis and ’em rolling towards Winterfell and drops his rabbits and firewood, even though he was like, 20 steps from Brienne, who is waiting to see the candle. So of course, she obviously leaves like, 14 seconds before Sansa lights the candle. Sansa might have the worst luck of anyone that is still alive on Game Of Thrones. But shoutout to her, I never thought she’d even make it up the tower.

-Stannis is formulating a plan with his army, when they see in the distance that the Boltons aren’t waiting for them; they’re taking the fight to Stannis, who is like, you GOTTA be fuckin’ kidding me. Sansa is also looking out of the tower window at this like, it’s about to go down. Now, it was said that Dany was resigning herself to death and not summoning Drogon in “Dance With Dragons“? Nah, Stannis’ look is the look of someone resigning himself to death because it’s like, 1,000 against 12 people and they’re not going to win. At all. Ever. But Stannis being Stannis, he pulls out his sword and gets to fighting.

-We see half a man crawling on the ground as the fight doesn’t last very long, I assume. Stannis is wounded, but pressing on and he takes down two Bolton soldiers, but he suffers another wound and basically lays against a tree to die. Up walks Brienne, who tells Stannis who she is and that she saw Melisandre’s vagina shadow kill Renly, but the shadow was bearing Stannis’ face, which I didn’t know. Stannis tells her to do her duty and she draws her sword and swings it, but it cuts to Ramsey killing someone before we see Stannis die….which leads me to believe he isn’t dead. After last week’s fuckery with Shireen, I just think they’d want us to see him die, dammit, we saw Ned’s head rolling on the ground, and a million other deaths in this show. Didn’t see it, didn’t happen.

-Cut to a scene of Ramsey not showing mercy on a dude, just in case you forgot he was an asshole.

-Sansa is walking back to her room, tryna sneak when she was greeted by Myranda, who has a bow and arrow, Theon/Reek is also there, being a punk and Myranda is threatening to take her apart piece by piece because she knows that Ramsey still needs an heir. I’m not even sure what she was thinking was going to happen when Ramsey came back, but she decides to shoot at Sansa, but Theon/Reek throws her up against a wall and then down into the courtyard, and I’m pretty sure she bounced. There goes Ramsey’s chance for the weirdest threesome in TV history.

-Then Theon/Reek sees the Boltons returning, and the decision is made to jump down into some snow. I’m not sure how much snow they jumped into, just how far it went up the wall, but they did it and someone had to have rolled an ankle at the very least. I watched Omar jump off the fourth floor in The Wire and he broke that shit. I can’t tell me someone doesn’t have a broken foot, at least.

-Meryn Trant is again being a scumbag with three little girls lined up, and he starts whipping them, because Game Of Thrones always has to go the extra mile to make you hate someone, and I respect that. He whips two of the girls and they start crying and one of them gets punched in the stomach, but the third doesn’t budge and you had to know what it was Arya, which I called last week. But the kicker is that she had someone else’s face, so I assume she now has unlimited access to the face pantry at the House of Black and White. So she pulls off her face and starts stabbing Meryn in the eyes and reminds him that he made the kill list, and why she is doing this.

-So she goes back to the House, where Jaqen and the Waif are waiting and he tells Arya that Meryn’s life wasn’t hers to take. Then he drinks the poison and collapses, and Arya freaks out, crying and saying he was her friend, which he absolutely wasn’t at all, but behind her, the Waif then changes into Jaqen’s face and says he is no one, while the person laying on the ground has multiple faces, which Arya keeps ripping off until she gets to her own face, then her eyes turn white and she’s now blind. Why do I get the feeling we’ll come back next season to Arya in full-fledged “Jackie Chan in The Drunken Master” mode? We better. This is getting frustrating.

-Jaime and crew are leaving Dorne and Ellaria gives Myrcella a kiss, which is strange, but okay, sure. Bronn is still tryna keep the doors open for a Sand Snake orgy, and the boat leaves. Then Myrcella and Jaime are talking, and Jaime figures this is the best time to tell Myrcella about he and Cersei, and she’s like, dude, I already know, which brought up two things in my head: one, who DOESN’T know about this already and two, she’s gon’ die. They hug, but Myrcella starts bleeding from the nose and collapses, then it cuts to Ellaria, who is also bleeding, but she takes the antidote that Bronn used. I love how the boat was like, 100 feet from the shore. And this doesn’t bode well for Trystane at all. He might not make it back to King’s Landing now. At best, he’ll be tortured.

-Tyrion, Daario and Jorah are chillin’ at Dany’s house, and it’s agreed upon that Daario and Jorah both love Dany, and Jorah betrayed her, and Grey Worm walks in to say that he shouldn’t be there, but what is he gon’ do about it? Tyrion makes a terrible attempt at speaking Valeryian, then the three argue about how to move forward. The plan that comes about is that Tyrion will stay back to run Meereen, while Grey Worm and Missandei also stay to work with the Unsullied, AKA the worst army in Game Of Thrones, while Jorah and Daario go out looking for Dany. One of those two aren’t coming back. My guess is Daario, but Jorah still has to deal with dat ‘scale. Maybe they both die? I’d be okay with that.

-But perhaps the best thing to come out of this episode happens as Varys walks up on Tyrion to be like, the fuck did you go? But the two get back on the saddle, and it looks like Varys is playing Joe Biden to Tyrion’s Obama. They’re both kinda creepy (Varys and Uncle Joe), so it works. That should be good stuff until they find Dany.

-Meanwhile, Dany is tryna get Drogon up and running so they get back to Meereen, but he took a lot of spears to the body and he’s like, Moms, I need to chill for just a little while, my shit hurts. So Dany decides it’s a good idea to go for a walk and I get that you’re hungry, but I’m not walking anywhere by myself out in these streets. So of course, she gets surrounded by a group of Dothraki and if I’m not mistaken, it’s the same group that left her at the end of Season 1 or beginning of Season 2. They didn’t part on good terms, but the game has changed now because she has dragons; it’ll be pretty interesting to see if they know this, but dammit, they’ll find out soon enough.

-Also, she dropped her ring on the ground and I’m guessing that was for someone to at least know she was there, but she dropped a ring in some grass on a hill out in the woods. I can’t wait to roll my eyes next season when they show Jorah and Daario finding that.

-Cersei has not acclimatized to jail life at all, and the Nun comes in to tell her to confess because that is the only word she knows. Cersei is like, fine, take me to the High Sparrow and while she confesses about the stuff with Lancel, she denies the Jaime/birthing two bastard kings business as well, but hey, it’s a start. Cersei thinks that all is good, she confessed, we can keep it moving, yeah? NOAP. The High Sparrow says she still has to stand trial, which entails getting stripped naked and getting her hair cut by the nun with a straight razor, which is more or less just pulling it out. Then she has to do the worst walk of shame in the history of walks of shame, and man, I don’t care, I’m now riding with Cersei all the way. Mufuckas were throwin’ cabbage at her, shaking their dicks and titties at her, one dude literally came from like, 15 feet back to yell “FUUUUUUUUCKKKKKK OFFFFFFFFFF” right in her face (not gon’ lie, this actually made me laugh, REAL hard, harder on the second watch), all the while, she has the nun behind her shaking a bell and repeating “Shame”, so she knows two words now. But she finally falls to the ground and it’s hard to watch Cersei break down like this, and yes, I get it. She did all this shit to herself, she isn’t as smart as her father and she has no one to blame and it’s kinda irrational that I fucks with her now….but I fucks with her now.

-I don’t know what the High Sparrow’s definition of a trial is, but that wasn’t a trial. Someone spit the largest loogie in Game Of Thrones history right on her cheek. How is that a trial?

-Anyway, she finally gets to the Red Keep where her uncle Kevan (the King’s Hand) there, along with Grand Maester Pycelle and Qyburn, who puts a cloak on her. But then he points at the stairs and there is the reanimated Mountain in a suit of armor, lookin’ dead as shit with a blue face and I bet he smells just awful. He picks Cersei and the last look we see from her is one of, “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH”. Once she gets cleaned up and gets a couple bottles of wine up in her, and gives Qyburn to input instructions into FrankenMountain? My God. The Sparrows are so fucked. Not even the Sparrows, too. Petty as Cersei is, you know she remembers every face that threw shit on her, every dick and titty she saw, everyone who laughed. Is it wrong? Yeah. Is it stupid? Probably. But that doesn’t mean Cersei can’t and won’t get her revenge. And I’m ready for it.

-So, I thought it was over after that, but we return to Castle Black, where Davos tries to get Jon to convince the wildlings to fight for Stannis, and he obviously doesn’t know what happened. But Melisandre, who had left, came back and she doesn’t even have to say anything, and Davos looks crushed when he asks about Shireen, although he doesn’t know how that happened (and when he does, Good Lord). Later on, Jon gets a visit from Ollie, who says that there is someone downstairs who knows about his missing uncle Benjen Stark, who I’d forgot about a long time ago. They rush down, but then he is greeted with a sign that said “TRAITOR”, and you know how this is going to go. Alliser makes the first cut, followed by like, five or six more fuckboys saying, “For The Watch”, which is some bullshit by the way; they’re awfully concerned about honor and not having sex for a bunch of criminals and thieves. Anyway, Ollie has tears in his eyes as he makes the final stab, and I want a giant to have his way with him. Nope, fuck the fact that he is a kid and the wildlings killed his parents. They just killed their very best chance of surviving the White Walkers and now, I just want the wildlings to murder every last member of the Night’s Watch. Brutally. With blood and against their wills. Fuck ’em.

-But I don’t think we’ve seen the last of Jon Snow, not until we see his body burn and even then…..I know you’ve seen various theories about this over the last couple of days, but my favorite is the warg theory, the joint that allows Bran to get into his direwolf, as well as into Hodor (and we’ll see them next season, I’m pretty sure). His direwolf’s name is Ghost, too, so there is that, and Melisandre can bring people back to life. Either way, we’ll see next season and if this is the last we’ve seen of Jon Snow, damn, I did not see that coming. I’ve never been the biggest Jon Snow fan, so I don’t care that much, but I was just shocked because that came outta nowhere. But at the same time, I shouldn’t have been because this is Game Of Thrones and this is what they do. At this point, Tommen’s cats might end up on the Iron Throne when it is all said and done because there are no humans left in the world.

Game Of Thrones finales used to be more about cleaning up the mess left after Episode 9, but last season we got the Tyrion/Tywin incident, then they stepped it up with this season, leaving a ton of questions to be answered. Is Stannis alive and if so, why not show him die? Will Dany be a Dothraki rape toy or will Drogon wake up pissed to find Moms gone? Will the people of Meereen even listen to Tyrion and why should they? Will Jorah and Daario fight? Can Arya see? Will Jaime start a war with Dorne (he pretty much has to, right?)? How good will Cersei’s revenge be? Where the hell are Littlefinger and Lady O with their plotting and scheming? How pissed will Ramsey be with Theon/Reek and Sansa MIA, and how quickly will he send out the search party? If they get caught, how much will Theon/Reek wish he was actually dead? And yo, will Sam gather the wildlings and go after the Night’s Watch? They packed a ton of stuff into this episode to keep us wondering until next season.

Until then, folks. Thanks for reading as always, I have no idea what I’ma do next, but something will be coming this summer. I appreciate it. In the meantime, I’ll be catching up on the books because I’m pretty sure we’re all at the same place in the story now (I think the show may have spoiled some of the sixth book, which I find HILARIOUS).

Game Of Thrones S04E07 – Mockingbird

After a string of incredible episodes, Game Of Thrones manages to dial it back a bit with “Mockingbird”, although that isn’t to say that is a bad episode; it is just that we have been spoiled this season with at least two candidates for “Best GoT episode ever”. A ton of stuff still happens, too. Let’s go….

-We begin with Tyrion and Jaime, who is chastising his little brother for his tirade at the end of his trial as Jaime had a deal with Tywin to keep him alive. But Tyrion knew that was what Tywin wanted: Tyrion out of sight at Castle Black and Jaime at Casterly Rock continuing the Lannister name, which is why Tywin agreed to it so quickly. We also see how jealous Tyrion is of Jaime, who “could kill a king, lose a hand, fuck your sister…” and Jaime is like, “hold up now, I’m the only mufucka that still likes you, watch ya mouth”. The show is being very explicit in letting us know that people know about Jaime and Cersei, much moreso than the books, I think. It was also good when Jaime hit Tyrion with that “BRILLIANT speech…they’ll be talking about it for days”. I’m sure it felt great for Tyrion to get that off his chest and it made for a helluva speech, but the people won’t remember it for long and it would have been all for naught.

-Tyrion was really angling for Jaime to fight for him, but ol’ One-Hand McRapecest isn’t about that life anymore and after all the jokes, Tyrion realizes that. Especially as he knows who Cersei is looking at to fight for her.

-Man, The Mountain is fucking HUGE. Son kills for fun. That one dude tried to bow for mercy, and The Mountain killed him for no damn reason. The last two blows with the sword didn’t even make any sense. He doesn’t care who he fights at all. I’m not a big fan of the word, but could you be any more of a cunt, Cersei?

-The Hound and Arya roll up on a burned-down farmhouse, and they find a man who is dying of a wound to the stomach. He doesn’t seem to know the people who burned his hut down, and the Hound wonders why he hasn’t killed himself yet to end the pain; at this point, you know Hound is gon’ kill him, this old man doesn’t have the heart to do it himself. It also turns out to be a lesson for Arya as the Hound stabs the old man through the heart, so she knows where it is now.

-This comes in handy as the Hound is attacked by a man who gets his neck snapped for his troubles, although he did manage to bite Hound’s neck. The second attacker tells him the Lannisters have a price on his head for his whole “Fuck The King” steez, and all the killing, of course. He also tells them of Joffrey’s death. Arya recognizes the second attacker from when she was getting taken to the Wall, and he apparently said that he would fuck Arya bloody with a stick, so this won’t end well for him. He tells Hound his name, which gets him on Arya’s little list of death, then he gets Needle in his heart. Cold-blooded Arya reminds me of Natalie Portman in “Leon: The Professional”, which is an excellent movie if you haven’t seen it.

-Jon Snow returns to Castle Black, greeted well by his boys, but not by Allister Thorne, who continues to be a bitchass. Jon tells him and the council that he recommends sealing the tunnel at the Wall to stop the wildlings, and it is probably a good idea, but Thorne isn’t having it. All these dudes are gon’ die because Thorne is a spiteful prick. Nice. I can’t wait for Jon to kill him. That has to happen.

-Bronn is sent to Tyrion, who asks him to fight for him as he did once before, but Bronn is in a good place now. He has some new clothes, and he got hooked up with a girl who will inherit a castle when her sister dies, which Bronn says might happen by accident, because he is shady like that. This is all courtesy of Cersei, who knew Tyrion would ask Bronn, who really wants to help him, but what is in it for him? He’ll probably die fighting the Mountain, and if he somehow beats him, he’ll be fucked up OR Cersei will have him killed anyway. And really, would Tyrion risk his life for Bronn? He has already done it once; twice is asking too much. It was sad to see Bronn leave and say he wants to hear a song one day about Tyrion beating the Mountain. Bronn is a sellsword; he is in this for himself, and Tyrion has to respect that.

-Dany goes to her private quarters, where Daario is waiting with some flowers. Uh…….do you see how big that pyramid is? This mufucka is Spiderman. Basically, he tells her that he is only good at fighting and fucking, and he hasn’t done either. So Dany is like, “pull it out”, and while we don’t see it, we can be pretty sure that she gets the D. It’s good to see a woman in the place of power when it comes to sex in Game Of Thrones, which is usually getting roasted for objectifying women and being mad rapey. And I’m sure the female viewers were happy to see some Daario ass.

-Then we switch to Melisandre in the bath, because you gotta have balance and I am not arguing with this. Stannis’ wife, Selyse, comes in to have a chat and Melisandre basically admits that her magic shit is all an illusion to make people believe, but we’ve seen her birth a demon out of her vagina, so there has to be some truth to the shit. Selyse also wants to leave her daughter, Shireen, behind when they go to King’s Landing, but Melisandre says she is needed. Will Stannis be down with sacrificing his daughter? It doesn’t seem likely, but she does have a certain hold over him.

-Dario is leaving Dany’s room when Jorah walks by, and Dario is like, “gimme a pound, playa” and Jorah is like, “this mufucka….”. He obviously tells Dany that Dario can’t be trusted because he is a cockblocker (I submit “Lord Cockblocker” as a new Jorah nickname), and Dany reveals that she told Dario to take the Second Sons and go back to Yunkai to wreck shop, but Jorah recommends against this and Dany tells him to take the credit for it. She loves Jorah, but he still won’t get in those draws, no matter how good of an advisor he is.

-The Hound and Arya are chillin’, and Arya wants to burn where he was bitten so it won’t get infected, but we know how he feels about fire. He then proceeds to go off on her for getting him in trouble, even though this all could have been avoided if he had, you know, NOT KIDNAPPED HER. But he does have a soft spot for her or he would have killed her long ago, and he tells her the story of how his brother, the Mountain, burned his face for playing with one of his toys, but it hurt more because his brother did it and his father lied for him. Hound has been betrayed by the people he loves his entire life, so that is why it is hard for him to let Arya in, but he does let Arya dress his wound, which is a start.

-Brienne and POD DA GAWD continue their journey and they end up at an inn, where we see….so, when first saw dude, I knew he was familiar and I wanted to say his name was something to do with him being fat, like Fat Boy or Fatty or something. Turns out it is Hot Pie, who was last seen giving Arya a big-ass piece of bread as they parted ways, and while he goes on about his pies, Brienne tells him that they’re looking for Sansa Stark, which makes Hot Pie go, “Um, yeah, no Starks outchea in these streets”. Pod recommends that they shouldn’t be going around telling people they’re looking for someone who is accused of killing the former king and the daughter of a traitor, but then Hot Pie comes out as they’re leaving to tell them that Arya is still alive (Brienne thought she was dead) and that she is with the Hound, possibly en route to the Eryie, where crazy-ass Lysa lives. Hot Pie also wants them to give Arya a wolf-shaped bread, which I’m pretty sure was what he gave her the last time he saw her. Has he been holding on to this bread? He just keeps wolf-shaped loaves on deck? But it was nice to see Brienne trusting Pod a bit when he tells her what he knows of the Lysa situation, and it was always going to happen that they would get their buddy-cop on.

-Oberyn visits Tyrion, who has no options left, and he tells him of a story about when he visited King’s Landing as a boy and Tyrion was a baby. Cersei always hated Tyrion for killing their mother as he was born, and made him out to be some sort of freak show, and Oberyn says she pinched his penis so hard, he thought it would rip off. Tyrion knew that Cersei has always wished ill upon him, but not this much and not for this long, and he is genuinely hurt for the second episode in a row. But as he continues to tell Tyrion how badly Cersei wants him dead, Oberyn says he wants justice for his sister and her children, and the wheels are turning….who is Cersei getting to fight for her? Who does Oberyn hate the most in this world outside of the Lannisters? Yep, he’ll volunteer to fight the Mountain. Tyrion is like, “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORD”….you know he did a little dance when Oberyn left.

-Sansa is hangin’ out, building a replica of Winterfell in the snow, when Robin joins her. He just wants to hurt people, like a little breastfeeding 14-year-old Joffrey-in-training. He stomps on her snowcastle and she slaps him, causing him to run off and tell his mother, which is never good, but at least Sansa stood up for herself for once. You can’t have anything around this weird little bastard. Littlefinger sees this and says he deserves it, and then when she asks him why he killed Joffrey, Littlefinger goes on some spiel about how much he loved her mother and he could have been her father, but since he isn’t, he’ll try to put the moves on her since she is hotter than Catelyn ever was. Littlefinger is taking the creep factor to a whole new level, and that is saying something in Game Of Thrones. So, he kisses her, but guess who sees it?

-Lysa calls Sansa to her chambers, and Sansa tries to apologize for slapping Robin, but Lysa gives no fucks about that. All she knows is that young hussy is outchea tryna steal her man, and she flips the fuck out, grabbing Sansa and threatening to throw her down the moon door. But Littlefinger steps in to stop it, and soothingly gets Lysa to step back from the ledge; he’ll send Sansa away and everything. That gets Lysa to drop her guard, and then you see it coming from a mile away: Littlefinger says that he has only loved one woman and Lysa thought he was gon’ say her. NOAP….it was Catelyn, and then out the moon door Lysa goes.

Overall, “Mockingbird” was a solid episode, but it was a little too obvious for me, and not because I’ve read the book: I have an awful memory and don’t remember 97% of it. But you saw the whole Oberyn thing coming, as well as the Lysa thing. It is only because all of it was so well-acted that it gets a pass, especially Pedro Pascal, who has balled out as Oberyn this season. He has stolen almost every scene he has been in and has more than held his own with the likes of Peter Dinklage, Lena Headley and Charles Dance. Hell, a subpar episode of this season still gets like, an 8.4 outta 10 or something, so calm down.

No Game Of Thrones next week because of a holiday, so I’ll be back in a couple weeks with the beginning of the three-episode homestretch, and you should get ready, because shit is about to go down.