Tag Archives: Twisty

American Horror Story: Cult S702 – Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark

The second episode of American Horror Story: Cult keeps it moving with “Don’t Be Afraid Of The Dark”, which basically screams out that you should be afraid of the dark. It was a pretty predictable episode, but it was entertaining. I don’t know if it was good or bad, but it was entertaining and that’s par for the course for this series. Let’s go……

ahs_dont_be_afraid_of_the_dark

-We pick up where we left off in the first episode, with an oddly-placed bathtub and a clown in Ally’s bed instead of Ivy, who gets a knife and they search the room, but alas, no clowns. Ivy is starting to get sick of this behavior, and says that she doesn’t know how much longer she can take this. I wonder how long it’s gon’ take them to put her, Kai and Winter together. She never happens to be around when the clowns are, even though they were together when the clown gang killed the neighbors, but that could have been just to get Ally away from the house. And Winter was there, so she would have been in on it. I give it by episode 5. They can’t let that go too long.

-The clown that was in Ally’s room went to Oz’s room, and Twisty is there too, but he goes into a room and hides in a bathtub, because bathtubs are a huge thing in AHS, my girl pointed out. We Googled that shit and it goes all the way back to the beginning, but it’s hard to keep track of stuff in this show. But you’re super vulnerable in a tub, she says, which makes sense. I really only take baths when I’m really sore, and not even then, because I ain’t tryna fight intruders with my joint all exposed in these streets. ANYWAY…..Oz’s screams alert his mothers, who wake him up from a night terror…..so, he was dreaming? Is Ally dreaming? And if you say there are clowns and they’re no longer there, why in the hell did it take so long to check on Oz? And that’s not even the worst parenting that pops up in this episode.

-Kai is running for council now that there just happens to be a seat open on the board, thanks to the death of the neighbor. He is using his beating at the hands of the Latinos that he threw a condom full of piss at as his springboard, and we find out that the beating was recorded by a couple played by Billy Eichner and Leslie Grossman. Kai is using fear as his foundation for his run at the council, specifically, fear of violence at the hands of minorities…..jeez, where have I heard and seen this before? So Ally sees this on television, then goes to investigate the new neighbours, who just so happen to be the Wiltons, but instead of knocking on the door and saying hello, Ally peeks through the window, which seems like a good way to get shot. She runs off when Harrison, dressed in some sort of overalls with a mask.

-Ivy and Ally are trying to prepare the staff at their restaurant to be on their own, and there is some beef between the manager, Roger, and a ook, Pedro, which results in swearing, some threats, and a ladel and big-ass knife getting involved. Ally tells Roger to chill and if I’m not mistaken, he started it by saying some shit that could have gotten his ass beaten. Pedro ain’t have to point the knife at him, but a good ol’ fashioned rabbit punch would have been fine.

-Oz is mad at Winter because she made him look like a liar for his description of what happened in the Chang house, but she turns it on him because, well, he’s like eight or some shit and doesn’t know how to argue yet. She does the pinky thing with him that Kai did to her, and then takes him to see the new neighbors without asking Ally and Ivy, who flip out, but yet they don’t fire her because WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT. And again, STILL not the worst parenting in this episode…..actually, it might be tied for the worst.

-That introduces Ally and Ivy to the Wiltons, and we find that Harrison is a beekeeper, and he says something about the hive being fascinating because they all get down for one common cause. Oz seems to like them because apparently bees are cool, I guess. They’re fine as long as they stay the hell away from me. We also find out that the Wiltons are in a lavender marriage, which I never knew was a thing until the AHS Wikia told me that it is “one undertaken to disguise the homosexuality of one or both partners”. I’m guessing both are, because if you’re going to support the GOP and be gay, I’m imagining that would be quite difficult for a number of reasons. Also, Meadow says that she has skin cancer and a fear of the sun, and she can only be outside for 10 minutes at a time, so that’s going to come into play at some point.

-Later on, Ally and Ivy discuss if the Wiltons are cool or not, with Ally on the side of them being bad and Ivy is like, ehhhh, they’re aight. Oz can’t sleep and wants to sleep with them, and they’re like cool, but Ivy gets word that the security system is going off at the restaurant. Ally says she’ll go to see what’s up, and I can only imagine that there will be at least 38 clowns waiting for her. She hears a noise coming from the meat locker and it is the manager, Roger, hanging from a hook, so no clowns, but check for a manager hanging from a hook. Ivy shows up at the crib with her psychiatrist, Rudy, which is kinda messed up to do that to the person you love. Ally feels bad that she actually killed Roger, who was still alive, but she tried to help and that killed him. Of course, the suspect is Pedro, according to the detective, and Ally and Ivy try to convince him that he isn’t a killer. It is also revealed that Ally got a gun from the Wiltons, who have a small arsenal of guns, and Rudy wants Ivy to keep an eye on Ally, who he thinks is developing agoraphobia, which is “an anxiety disorder characterized by symptoms of anxiety in situations where the person perceives the environment to be unsafe with no easy way to get away.” (thanks, Wikipedia). I kinda think that Rudy might be in on this, too, making Ally think that she is crazy, or going crazy.

-Kai knocks on Ally’s door to say that he is running for office, and Ally is like, nah, bruh, you threw a coffee at me and my wife and he gives some fake-ass apology. He starts his spiel about how it isn’t safe anymore, more or less for white people, and Ally isn’t buying any of it, and he starts shaking the bars on the doors, which he notices are new. I have no idea why she didn’t just slam the door in his face in the first place, and it took him being a real asshole to get her to do that. Meanwhile, Ivy meets with Pedro, who swears he didn’t do it, but she looks like she is on the fence about it and yeah, she’s fuckin’ shady, b.

-Winter puts Oz to bed because she is still their babysitter somehow, and she walks in on Ally trying to figure out if she wants to take her medication (spoiler alert: she doesn’t). Why is Winter still there when Ally is home? Winter goes to run a bath for her, and we thought that the bubbles had some sort of sedative in it. We’re not even sure that it didn’t as of yet. Winter also tries to seduce Ally, who ain’t havin’ it. But they’re interrupted by the security system going off and there is a clown in Oz’s room, but Oz asks the clown (Winter suggested this to him) if he is awake or still sleeping, and the clown is like, sure, you’re sleeping, fine. And this mufucka just goes right back to sleep. And no Ally checking on him.

-Harrison tells Winter and Ally that there is a major blackout that he thinks is terrorist-related, and Winter is like, fuck it, I’m out. So Ally starts to freak out since she is by herself, and calls Ivy to tell her to come home, but Ivy wants to stay with the frozen meat at the restaurant, which seems like a terrible reason to not go home. Also, Ally’s phone dies, which is why my phone STAYS at 100% and I have the charger with me at all times. Won’t catch me in the zombie apocalypse with a dead-ass phone. So Ivy sends Pedro to go to her house with some supplies for Ally, who STILL hasn’t checked on Oz. She realizes that the security system has been cut intentionally, and then she sees the ice-cream truck that Oz was talkin’ about parked outside the house. She ends up running into a clown on the stairs as she FINALLY goes to get Oz, and she gets her gun. They go downstairs (where is the clown, tho?) and they’re about to leave when they see someone outside the door. It’s Pedro, and she shoots him, of course, and we don’t know if he’s dead, but she shoots him dead in the heart, so it’s not lookin’ good for my man. And where did she learn to shoot like that? Definitely not at parenting class. She skipped those. That pissed me off so much. As soon as you figure out there is a blackout, as paranoid as she is, I’d think my first move is to get my kid. But anyway…..guess someone gotta make bad decisions here.

While I am slightly annoyed by Ally, I do think that this is a group effort to make her think that everything is going to hell (well, everything is going to hell, but they’re focusing specifically on her). Ivy is definitely in on this shit, the Wiltons are as well, but I think they’ll turn on Kai at some point, Winter is just a gong show of a human and Oz might be the only one to survive this entire season of Cult. I have a lot of questions about Cult, but if AHS has taught me anything, it’s that you just have to hold on to them because there will be even more questions after the next episode, and you might not get an answer to them.

American Horror Story: Freak Show S04E04 – Edward Mordrake Part 2

The first part of American Horror Story: Freak Show‘s Halloween special was quite divisive if you follow the online recaps. But Part 2 of “Edward Mordrake” gave us the only backstories that matter, to me
anyway: Elsa Mars and Twisty The Clown, whom we about to see EVERYWHERE for Halloween this weekend. Let’s go…

 -Edward Mordrake continues his mission of finding someone suitable to kill to add to his freak harem, and we learn about a couple secondary characters. Legless Suzi lost her legs to disease when she was two, then her parents left her, which is some cold, cold shit. She had to beg on these streets, so she ended up stabbing a dude in the leg because he had them and he died. Obviously? The medical game wasn’t where it needed to be in those days. Then we get Paul, who was born with his messed-up T-Rex arms, but when he decided to get fully tattooed, he stopped at his face, which is probably the best decision he ever made. Mordrake is like, nah, y’all aren’t freaky enough for me; let’s go to the head of the snake.

-He ends up in Elsa’s room, and here I figured she would try to have sex with him since Jessica Lange’s character in Coven was sleeping with a reincarnated sax player anyway, because, American Horror Story. But that ended when Mordrake called her delusional and gave her that truth, and he just wanted the story, which was, well…

-So it turns out that shit was super freaky in 1932 Germany, and Elsa was indeed a star….in a BDSM brothel . She would make dudes submit to her, but never sleep with them, and others would watch while she would make them sit on a toilet with nails, which is the absolute opposite of sexy to me, but different strokes, I guess. The watchers persuade her to do a film, but they drugged her, cut off her legs and left her there. Not gon’ lie, I felt bad for Elsa’s delusional ass. She really thought she was about to get that star role. Mordrake’s evil face decided she was the one and she was about to get got, but he hears music and stops.

-Jimmy McLobsterhands and Maggie were out past the curfew, and when they saw a car, they decided to hide in the woods. The car passed, but then they see the girl that Twisty kidnapped running away and then, Twisty tackled the shit out of her like Ray Lewis in his prime. I laughed and I laughed, oh Lord, how I did laugh. So of course, they go to investigate.

-They find Twisty’s short bus of horrors and also see the older brother kid that got yoinked up at the end of Part 1, but they get bopped upside the head by Dandy, who is playing Marty Jannety to Twisty’s Shawn Michaels (word to the Midnight Rockers, it’s an old wrestling reference, Google it for the hair alone). They wake up in time for the show, which is Dandy attempting to saw Maggie in half, but the real star is Twisty banging away on a toy piano like a six-year-old, which will be explained later. Jimmy gets loose thanks to his lobster hands, hits Dandy, frees Maggie and everyone scatters. It doesn’t make any sense how all this happens, but as I seem to say every week with this show, you gotta let some shit slide to enjoy AHS.

-Mordrake shows up to confront Twisty while Dandy chases after everyone else and throws a fucking tantrum because his Halloween is ruined, and while I loathe this guy, I gotta say, Finn Wittrock is playing the shit outta this character. Mordrake gets Twisty to first remove his mask, and the mouth gets revealed. Yeah, it is just as fucked up as we thought. Son got three teeth and no lower jaw, he is basically a dentist’s field day. But we get his story….

-Twisty was a nice clown, but he was made fun of by carnies, who called him a pedophile among other things. This made him leave the travelling circus and he took up painting. He tries to sell his products to the same toy-store owner who he decapitated, so that explains that as the owner rejected him. Poor Twisty then tries to kill himself with a shotgun, but that doesn’t work, so that explains the missing jaw and all of the infection in the mouth area. I’m not sure I’ll be able to use the phrase, “what dat mouf do” ever again.

-Mordrake decides Twisty is the one and stabs him to death, but he joins the dead freak harem and his jaw is back, which is nice. But then Dandy rolls up, and proceeds to put the mouth part of the mask on, which was all sorts of unhygienic. That mask had AIDS on it and Dandy gave no fucks about it. It was one of the more gross things I have ever seen on AHS, and that is saying a lot.

-Dandy leaves and the cops show up, and one tries to make Jimmy a hero, but he is still pissed about Meep and says he is going to go to the media, which is just not going to work out for him in the future. They return to the freak show the next day, and they are surprised to see that the townspeople are showing gratitude for finding the missing children. Elsa’s opportunistic ass sees a chance to make a buck and sells tickets to a special show….not free tickets, mind you because fuck free. She also demotes Bette and Dot and makes herself the star again, because delusion is a helluva thing and opium is a helluva drug. That was all we saw of the twins, so they’ll play a big role next week, probably. And the large/multiple/non-having penis dude that is pulling this scam with Maggie, he shows up at the freak show and introduces himself to Elsa as a doctor, so that will be something to watch for. I would say he will sleep with Elsa, but she isn’t a young dude in a Viking hat, and we know that is his steez.

-Finally, Dandy returns to his house, where he finds Dora, who continues to not give one single fuck about his life and when he pulls out a knife, she all but calls him a bitch. But he gets fed up and slashes her throat, and he hit that creepy smile to end the episode.

-RIP Miss Patti 😦

So that ends the story of Edward Mordrake, or so you would think, but Twisty is rolling with him now, so he’ll probably be back. That was one of the most scatterbrained episodes of American Horror Story to date. But they still managed to bring it all home and I’ll put it up there with one of my favorite AHS episodes of the series.

American Horror Story: Freak Show S04E03 – Edward Mordrake, Part 1

Halloween is on the horizon, so you know American Horror Story is about to cook up something special. Freak Show hit us with the first part of a doubleheader, which has a couple different meanings this season, and “Edward Mordrake, Part 1” just introduces more fuckery into our AHS lives. Let’s go…

image

-We open at a scientific museum, and by scientific museum, I mean the House Of Thousand Corpses Of All Kinds. But we learn that the place isn’t doing too well because people are watching Ed Sullivan, so they are looking for new specimens. This is where “Dr. Mansfield” and “Ms. Rothschild” come into play as we get the first glimpse of Denis O’Hare and Emma Roberts, who were last seen as Spalding the creepy butler/doll aficionado and Madison the prissy bitch/dead boyfriend stealer in Coven. But the museum curators aren’t buying their stories as they figure out the doctor doesn’t have a Harvard degree like he says, and the specimen they try to pass off as a baby Sasquatch is really just a baby goat with a cat’s jaw attached. E for effort, though. Still, one of the curators whispers that, while this is some bullshit, they would pay top dollar for some real freaky shit. I wonder where they could find that sort of thing? OH, FLORIDA.

-Meanwhile, it is Halloween and the kids are out trick or treating at 4 pm because of the curfew, and this kid on a clown suit is trying to scare his little sister, who is afraid of clowns. So who does she see behind a bush? Ol’ Scalpy McTootherson, Twisty, and she tries to tell her mom, who reminds me of a third-rate Betty Draper from Mad Men. Her mom doesn’t believe her, but more on that in a bit as the scene ends with Twisty chillin’ across the street and WHY IS NO ONE NOTICING HIS FACE? I know it is Halloween, but shit.

-Ethel takes her beard to the doctor, where she learns she got that cirrhosis, and about six months to a year to live. But more importantly, I read an article in which a linguist said that her accent is supposed to be from Baltimore, so now all I hear is a poor version of Snoop from The Wire. Kathy Bates is better than this, right? Anyway, she gon’ die.

-So of course, she ends her sobriety by joining the “RIP Meep” party on the freak show’s day off because YOLO, and we also learn why the freak show doesn’t work or even rehearse on Halloween. Ethel tells the story of Edward Mordrake, who looks like a homeless man’s Jack White, but he has a face on the back of his head that talks to him and makes him go crazy. He gets sent to an asylum (shoutout to the shitty second season of American Horror Story), but kills a man to escape and ends up at a freak show, where he ends up killing everyone in the show as well as himself. So if the freaks work on Halloween, his ghost comes back and kills everyone. This might be the most logical story AHS has ever told.

-Dot doesn’t believe the story and thinks they should work anyway, and she is really starting to become a pain in the ass. The diva is starting to come out and she is being even worse to Bette, who always looks sad as shit and I just wanna hug her neck. Sarah Paulson, bruh.

-Speaking of diva, Miss Patti Labelle is back as Dora, and she gets to watch Dandy flip the fuck out as his mom gets him a Howdy Doody costume for Halloween. Dora gives him a look like, “you spoiled sonofabitch”. She also wears a Woody Woodypecker costume, so I can cross “seeing Patti Labelle in a Woody Woodypecker costume” off my bucket list.

-Somewhere in there, Desiree tries to get Dell to give her the business, but he can’t get it up, which I assume has been happening quite a bit, hence her bangin’ the dude in Chicago that Dell kills and they end up here. He grabs her by the throat, but the look that Angela Bassett gives him like, “if you don’t get your impotent hands off me…”, and he stomps off. But all sorts of questions arise about the sheer physics and biology of Desiree having sex. She is working with a lot of stuff.

-Dell ends up outside with Ethel, who tells him that she is dying and she wants him to watch over Jimmy McLobsterhands, but not to tell him he is his father. She also asks him if he ever loved her and he says no. I can’t wait for him to die.

-Emma Roberts, whose real name is Maggie Esmeralda (her character, obviously), rolls up to the freak show in a cab and tells Jimmy she is a fortune teller. He takes her to Elsa, who is wacked out on opium because Jessica Lange stays playing women addicted to something or everything. Maggie tells her fortune, which seems like some bullshit, but she does a good job at getting clues from around Elsa’s room on some Keyser Soze in “The Usual Suspects” shit. She also says she sees a refined man that will help Elsa, but she passes out. Was it Mordrake? Things that make you go hmmmm.

-Dot has a dream in which the twins are getting separated and that disturbs Bette, and Dot doesn’t care that one of them will die. Good grief, Dot gets a little attention and loses her mind. Bette might gotta kill her.

-Jimmy and Maggie are out on his bike and she calls Denis O’Hare, whose name is Stanley. She says the freaks are weird and she wants to pull out, but he convinces her to stick with the plan. We also learn that Stanley gets freaky himself with a dude in a Viking helmet and that he has, well, we have a few options. Either he has an extremely large penis, a small one, none at all, multiple penises or one with a face on it. Hell, we see an arm-penis with a boot on it in the opening credits. Tell me you would be surprised by any of this and if you are, this is obviously your first AHS season.

-Dandy turned his Howdy Doody costume into a clown, of course, and he goes downstairs to attempt to kill Dora, who all but calls him a bitch and tells him that she knows about the cat killings, but he is too pussy (DUALITY!!!!!) to kill a person. She’s not wrong……yet.

-Elsa gets into an argument with Dot about rehearsing and Dot is awful ungrateful to someone without whom she would be in jail. That Fiona Apple cover gassed her up. But Elsa wins because it is her show, and she is confident because Maggie said she saw a crowd cheering for her. So Elsa does her own cover of a Lana Del Rey song, called “Gods and Monsters” apparently because I don’t fuck with LDR like that. This summons Mordrake with some green smoke, but he then disappears and Elsa is like, “damn, that opium is good shit”.

-He shows up in Ethel’s trailer and he forces her to tell her deepest pain, which is Dell not only rejected her, but he charged people to watch her give birth to Jimmy. Who the hell would pay to see a bearded lady give birth? Mufuckas was bored back in the day. Anyway, he doesn’t kill her, strangely because the dude with a face on the back of his head also has a heart.

-Dandy is at Twisty’s trailer, tryna get up the heart to stab the little boy and the girl. Twisty enters and what has he been up to? He was at the house of the little trick or treater from earlier and AHS fakes us out because it is shot from the viewpoint of someone sneaking around while the mother is talking to her friend in the living. We think that it is Twisty, but it is the little girl’s brother. Then, Twisty sneaks up behind dude and takes him out through the window, so which the daughter is like, “see, I fucking TOLD you about the clown” to the mother. So now, the Twisty and Dandy Daycare has one more client.

Part 2 of the Halloween special is shaping up to be a good one. We are getting Twisty’s backstory, which we have all been waiting for. Mordrake gotta kill someone, you would think. And something isn’t sitting right about Dora with me; I think she has, or will, kill something. Because in American Horror Story, all bets are off.