The Walking Dead S06E16 – Last Day On Earth

Season 6 came to an end on The Walking Dead with “Last Day On Earth”, a plodding, ominous beast of an episode. I thank my terrible attention span because I was doing other shit while it was on, which is why I wasn’t as mad as some of y’all were. Can’t be outchea being engrossed by this shit. After six seasons, y’all don’t know yet? Let’s go……

-We open from the point of view of someone in a box, with streams of light coming in. It reminds me of when they were in the container at Terminus, so it’s pretty easy to assume it’s the dumbasses that got caught because Daryl is a shitty tracker. Morgan finds a horse, probably belonging to the person at the farmhouse. Horses don’t last long in The Walking Dead. Then we have the dude that has Carol’s rosary beads, looking like he is about to turn, and he is a better tracker than Daryl. Next, we have a man running through the woods, with some whistling going on around him. Carl argues with Enid about her coming on this mission to take Maggie to the Hilltop, to a doctor. Meanwhile, the Saviors surround the man, and Rick assembles the crew, who does a lot of talking, but I don’t pay attention.

-The Saviors tell the man they were chasing that rules were broken and people had to die because of it, so it wasn’t their fault. There isn’t much explaining of the rules, but you can bet that the rules were basically, listen to us to die. Or some version of that. Not very complex, that is for sure. Meanwhile, to get Enid not to come on the mission, Carl locks her in a closet and then tells her to just survive somehow. Bruh, you locked me in a fucking closet, how in the hell am I supposed to get out? It’s about to be that kind of episode. Mufuckas about to act real good and stupid.

-Rick lets Aaron join the group, and apparently Father Bitchass is in charge while he is gone. That sounds like it should go on the pantheon of Rick’s bad ideas. First things first….why can’t you just go and get the doctor and bring that person there? Why are you leaving Alexandria completely unattended? Everyone that is worth a damn is gone. Your best bet was pregnant Maggie.

-Gallopin’ Morgan finds Carol huddled on a stoop, and she got cut in her scuffle with the dude from last episode. The Saviors drag this poor man, who is basically a human pinata for them, into the road, and the leader says they’re making an example of him. The man asks to who since his people are all dead, and gets kicked in the back for his troubles. Rick’s group is trying to keep Maggie calm in the RV, and I forgot she cut her hair. Morgan plays doctor with Carol (not that way, pervs) so they can go back to Alexandria, but Carol doesn’t want to. Of course, Morgan is stubborn and doesn’t fucking listen to anyone, so she might as well stop fighting.

-The RV meets up with the Savior group, who are standing in the middle of the road. Rick offers to make a deal and dude is like, how about you give us your shit and we don’t kill you, and Rick is like, eh, we’ll just leave. The two go back and forth about this being one of their last day on Earth, hence the name of the episode. All I hear is Mase’s “24 Hours to Live” in the background. Round 1 goes to the Saviors, because Rick was like, we don’t want those problems.

-After commercial, we go to the box with the light streams and the heavy breathing, so this will pop up a couple more times in the episode. In the RV, Carl asks Aaron why he is here and he says he owes Maggie, while Carl says he owes the Saviors. Again, selfish motives ruining the group. At least Rick is selfish with a plan, these mufuckas are just runnin’ around all willy-nilly. Carol is telling Morgan how she cares about the group, and is willing to kill for them, but she doesn’t want to kill anymore, so she had to leave. She points a gun at him, but Carol is tired. And I get what she is saying, but man, you gotta tell them first, you know that they’re going to come after you, and here we are, with no one at Alexandria, and everybody about to die.

-Abe tells Sasha that he is ready to bring new life into the world, and she smiles at a dumb fucking idea. Are you serious? That is exactly what you need. A fucking baby in a zombie apocalypse. I thought Maggie and Glenn’s baby was a bad idea, too. But then, they run into another group of Saviors, this time, there are more of them, and they turn around as one of the Saviors busts his gun into the air. It’s probably about this point where they should be thinking of an alternate plan.

-Morgan finds a walker hanging from something and decides to kill it and cut it down. Really, bruh? Compassion for fucking zombies? I’m so done with this dude. And he left Carol, who runs away, so now he has to go find her again. What was he even doing?

-The RV gets to another roadblock, this time, with a line of walkers chained to each other, which means there was some work put into this one. Then they notice that one of the walkers has two of Michonne’s dreadlocks, and another has bolts from Daryl’s crossbow, so yeah, these people are better at this than y’all. The Saviors start shooting from the woods and the group peaces out in the RV. But they realize that the Saviors were shooting at their feet; they would be dead if they wanted them to be.

-Preview of Fear The Walking Dead: zombies in the water, and I assume that is Strand’s place that is on fire. Sure. I’ll watch this.

-The RV is starting to break down, and Rick tells Maggie (whose condition is getting worse) that they’re fine, but his faces are so good. When they get to yet another roadblock, this time, one with like, 35-40 people, his face says, oh man we are so fucked right now, Saviors outchea lookin’ like a rap-album cover from 1994.

-Meanwhile, Morgan is gallopin’ down the street and finds Carol’s beads by a freshly-killed walker. Carol is walking along and gets caught by the hurt Savior, but not before she fights off a walker and tears its face off. The hurt Savior fucks her up pretty good, and he has a gun, so he shoots her in arm, and the leg, because he wants to watch her die before he dies.

-Again, we get the box, then Rick comforting Maggie, but looking like he is going to pee himself at the thought of what is next. And I just thought of something: at this point, how do they even know that the doctor at the Hilltop (I just remembered he had that ultrasound machine because who doesn’t have an ultrasound machine?) is still alive? After meeting the Saviors, I assume everyone is dead outchea in these streets.

-Then Morgan, of course, comes out of nowhere and shoots the man all to hell and Carol is like, MOTHERFUCKER WILL YOU JUST LET ME DIE FOR FUCK SAKES. But they survive and then, well, shoutout to the homegirl Holly for this: “speaking of, who the fuck were those storm trooper dudes that Morgan met up with ?”. Mufuckas on horses dressed like Star Wars characters come around the corner, say they’ll help Morgan, mufuckas shake hands and walk off. Hahahaha the writers just don’t care anymore. And they shouldn’t. Because we’ll still watch it.

-Rick and ’em get to a big-ass log roadblock, and then the man that the Saviors are fuckin’ with, they hang him from a bridge. Aaron wants to shoot him down, but Rick says they need to conserve bullets and quite frankly, who the hell is this guy? At this point, he probably wants to die anyway. Then the logs are set on fire and the Savior from earlier says some more shit about this being the last day on Earth for someone in Rick’s group. Rick and ’em are like, man, fuck this, and peace out.

-They try to come up with a plan and Eugene says they should go on foot because they were looking for the RV. So this is the plan: Eugene drives the empty RV to lure the Saviors. Hahahaha what? And then what? Did you see how many of the Saviors there were? They’re probably watching you RIGHT NOW. HOLY SHIT. This is not gon’ end well. Eugene gives Rick the recipe for making bullets, and they all pump him up, telling him he is a survivor. What in the name of Destiny Child’s is going on here?

-The next commercial is the conclusion of Flight 462, which is a scene from Fear TWD last season as Nick looks up in the sky and sees a plane flying all screwy. He’s like, hmmm….that’s interesting. Shoutout to the flight attendant that takes her oxygen mask off and looks like she’s ready to eat.

-They put Maggie on a stretcher (WHERE IN THE FUCK DID THEY GET A STRETCHER) and leave Eugene to go and get caught. The group is walking through the woods, and they hear the whistles, and basically run right into the middle of all the Saviors, who have Eugene. They get their shit taken and they get on their knees. The box that we have been seeing all episode is actually a van, and Dwight gets out, along with Glenn, Michonne, Rosita and Daryl, who is shot, but still alive, for fuck sakes. Someone needs to explain to me why y’all love this dude so much. I really don’t get it. I never have.

-Then we get to the best part: we finally meet Negan, who has a scarf on, what is it called, an ascot? Something like that. Anyway, he also has a bat wrapped in barbed wire; so this is the Lucille that I’ve been hearing about and yup, it’s a bat wrapped in barbed wire alright. His speech rambles on, and it’s fine, after waiting this long to meet him, he can talk for as long as he wants and it’s not like anyone can say shit to him. He tells the group that they’re only still living so they can work for them, and the rules are the same that the Savior said earlier: their shit is his shit. He says “shit” a lot, which I respect as it is my favorite curse word. But Negan also says that someone has to pay because some of his men have died, and at this point, I’m like, alright, let’s do this. Glenn tries to be the big man and protect Maggie, and that shit gets shot down with the quickness. He does the eeny-meeny-miny-moe thing with the group to see who is going to get to party with Lucille, and then gets to the moe…..but we don’t see who gets it. All we see is the blood dripping down the camera, and Negan saying, you’re taking it like a champ. A couple more swings, fade to black, annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd scene.

-So, people are mad about the end, but me, I liked it. I like not knowing who it is that got the business end of Lucille, and guessing throughout the off-season. I know some comic readers are going to be pressed to tell us what happens, and I’ve already read it. But the way that TWD works, you really don’t know because they’ve gone so far off the comics already. Still, don’t be a pressed asshole. We know the comics are out there and can read it ourselves if we want. No one cares, b.

-Negan was great. That was well worth the wait. He is probably already the best villain of the show so far. Yep, better than the Governor.

-The episode dragged, for sure, but AMC had to get that advertising money. Because SOMEONE has to pay to keep Better Call Saul (which is GREAT, by the way) on, and all these other new shows.

-Why are y’all are so pressed for Daryl. Is it shallow eye candy (which I approve of, shoutout to Alyssa Milano’s career)? Because he doesn’t do anything.

-I want Glenn or Daryl to be gone. Actually, anyone but Michonne.

And thus ends another season of The Walking Dead. Listen…..it’s not good. It has flashes here and there, where you can tell they really try to give the characters something good, like 2-3 episodes a season. But overall, the audience doesn’t care about those episodes and want to see death and murderkillviolence and walkers and Negan and such…..so why bother? And now people get mad at this? Psssssssh. AMC is going to do what they’re going to do, and we’re going to watch. If I were you, I’d get off the train right now because if you think it’s going to get better, it’s not. Just appreciate it for what it is, not what it isn’t. It’s frustrating, it’s entertaining, it’s a mess and we’ll watch next season because why the hell not?

That being said, I’m drawing the line at ten seasons. Unless there are dragons and nudity. Then I’m in for as long as it takes.

The Walking Dead S06E15 – East

As I have said before, The Walking Dead is a show built on bad decisions. Hell, if they were making good decisions, the show probably would have lasted a solid season and a half. But with “East”, the penultimate episode of Season 6, they might have set a new bar. Let’s go…..

-The episode starts with a montage with a female voice saying “I see you” and a bullethole in a windshield, then she says to “come out slowly” as we see the car has a flat tire. There is dripping blood, and a dude saying that “he’s going to pass on that”…a spear with blood on it, then Carol’s rosary beads on the ground, a man yelling and then a gunshot. Pretty ominous, and not subtle that shit is about to hit the fan. Subtlety has never been a strong suit of The Walking Dead.

-Carol is sewing a jacket or something, looking fed up, then she looks around and then starts packing a bag with food, so she is getting outta here. Tobin comes in the room and she throws the backpack under the bed, and he starts talking about Denise, but Carol ain’t listening at all. Me neither, Killa, me neither. She looks like she is either gon’ cry and put him in an arm triangle.

-Next is another montage, because who doesn’t love montages, and this one is set to Johnny Cash’s “It’s All Over” (shoutout to Tunefind), which is perfect for this scene. Tobin is sleeping as Carol dips out, Carl grabs a gun and stares at it, and it has something engraved on it…I even paused on it and I still don’t know what it says….I think there is a “D” in there, and he takes the gun. Maggie and Glenn are showering, and Glenn notices some bruises on her, probably from her scuffle with Alicia Witt and her shitty band of miscreants because again, taking pregnant women out on MURDERDEATHKILL missions is always something you need to do. Daryl is on his motorcycle with the “Dennis” keychain that Denise found before she got an arrow in the eye, and he looks like he’s about to do something stupid. But then we have, for me, the best part of the montage. Sasha gives Abe a cigar as they’re switching guard posts, and they’re all smiling and happy, and then Sasha catches Rosita’s eye…..ooooooooooooooooooooooh. That look Rosita gives her is so good. It’s part sadness, part “bitch I’ma fight you at some point”, and Sasha almost looks at her like, “yeah, I know it’s coming”.

-Michonne and Rick are in bed, eating an apple loudly, and I forgot this was a thing. Michonne has to get up and help Maggie, who is worried about an attack, but Rick is like, nah, we got this, which means they absolutely don’t got this and something fucked up is about to happen. Then we get to Michonne outside with Maggie and Glenn, and they’re telling her that ain’t shit gon’ happen, when they see Daryl opening the gate and leaving on his bike, so of course, they have to follow him: Glenn, Michonne and Rosita head out, and Rosita knows where he is going, she says. Then, Tobin takes Carol’s goodbye note to Rick, who leaves with Morgan of all people to go find her. Great, so we have six people gone from the group, all of whom are good-to-great fighters. If the Saviors are watching Alexandria, they’re laughing like, yo, we ain’t even have to do anything.And the best part of Carol’s note is when it says, don’t try to find me…..does she know who the hell she is talking to? Yeesh.

-Carol is driving down the road in her car with spikes coming out of it, because that’s not going to draw attention. A truck drives past her, and they shoot the tires out. They demand that she gets out of the car, and then they find out where she is coming from, which they know because they’ve seen cars with spikes out of them at Alexandria. Carol is like, man, just go away and no one needs to get hurt; basically, don’t bring the Killa out. She’s basically Bruce Banner and the Hulk at this point. When they don’t do what she says, Carol sprays them with a gun in her coat sleeve, which is what she was sewing at the beginning of the episode. There is one Savior left, or so it seems, and that is what we see during the pre-credit scene: he charges at her, there is a gunshot and that is it. The blood we see is his as she shoots him, but did he get her with his knife? MYSTERY.

-Maggie tries to get some food before her guard shift, but Enid says she’ll do it so Maggie can rest. Does Maggie not know she is pregnant? I get she wants to help, but come on, bruh.

-Morgan and Rick are driving east, which they deduced from tire tracks. Rick says that Morgan doesn’t know Carol and he doesn’t know why he is doing this, and Morgan is like, nah, we got to know each other a bit, and then he speaks in vague cliches about right and wrong and it’s getting really annoying. They get to the shootout site, where there is another Savior, but he hides while Rick and Morgan survey the scene. They see a blood trail, which they deduce is Carol’s and they start following, while the Savior comes out of the woods, grabs Carol’s beads and starts following them. Oh, Rick and Morgan killed the Savior that rushed Carol. I think that was him.

-Rosita, Michonne and Glenn to get to where Denise was killed, and they find Daryl’s bike hidden, so Rosita was right as Daryl came back to find Dwight and kill him. This seems like such a terrible idea. Glenn and Michonne want to bring him back, but Rosita thinks they should let him do what he has to do. So they track him easily enough; example #1 of Daryl being a bad tracker. But that’s just the tip of the goddamn iceberg and yeah, he shoots an arrow close enough to them to know that he knows they’re there; I don’t care. They want him to come home, but Daryl tells them that he should have killed Dwight back in “Always Accountable” (which I apparently skipped in these recaps because I think I was on holiday), and Denise would still be alive. I don’t know about that because Denise was pretty stupid and probably would have gotten herself killed anyway, but it wouldn’t have been by Dwight. So yeah, you gotta kill everyone in this world. Anyway, he leaves, Rosita is like, he’s right and goes with him, leaving Glenn and Michonne there like, the fuck just happened? But of course, Dwight and ’em come outta nowhere and surround them; example #2 of Daryl’s tracking abilities. Also, his shitty soliloquy gave the Saviors time to come up with their “surround” plan. Yeah, this all Daryl’s fault.

-Rick and Morgan continue their back-and-forth about life being precious and shit, and Morgan remembers that they threw Carol in the bushes after she killed those people at the prison, and what would happen now; Rick says they would thank her, and Morgan is like, you see what happens when you give people another chance? But that’s different, bruh; that’s Carol, not some mufucka with a W in his forehead THAT TELLS YOU, POINT BLANK, HE’S GON’ COME BACK AND KILL YOU. Why is this so hard for him to understand?  Rick is like, I’ll deal with that later as they approach a farmhouse, and they see a walker that kinda looks like Carol, but it isn’t. They reach the farmhouse and there is a dude there, and he says he is looking for his horse, and Rick is like, we’re looking for our friend. The dude peaces out, but a buncha walkers emerge and that allows him to run while Rick and Morgan fight them off. Rick thinks dude is a Savior and Morgan is like, we don’t know that….really, who cares. He also tells Rick that he had that dude in the basement, and Carol knew about it, but that Wolf saved Denise, who then saved Carl in the most roundabout fucking argument I’ve ever heard. He ain’t know that dude threatened Denise on a damn-near minutely basis and if Denise would have died, he wouldn’t have cared. Man. Fuck Morgan, b. Anyway, he tells Rick that he should go back and he’ll go after Carol, and Rick gives him a gun and he doesn’t wanna take it, but Rick is like, don’t be stupid. Rick also tells Morgan that Michonne did steal the protein bar from the premiere, “First Time Again“. Morgan is like, mufucka, I know and they laugh. I forgot about that.

-Rick gets back to Alexandria, and everyone is still gone, and the two share a moment about being afraid to get close to anyone again. Fair, but yo…..we ain’t got time for this sappy shit right now.

-Maggie gets Enid to cut her hair short, like, Carol’s length, and Maggie says she has to keep going, so I guess she needs a change. But just then, she starts screaming in pain and doubles over, and Enid starts freaking out. Maggie better not lose this baby. Sure wish there was something close to a doctor left, but oh wait, she decides to try and play warrior last week.

-Daryl and Rosita are sneaking around and they see Glenn and Michonne tied up, and he tells them to be quiet, but Glenn is obviously tryna warn him and oh wouldn’t you fucking know it, there is Dwight, behind Daryl with a gun. He pulls the trigger and says “he’ll be alright” as there is a buncha blood splatter and the episode ends. The final example of Daryl being a terrible tracker. There have been other examples in past episodes, too. He was good in the early seasons, but he is just awful in the last few. And honestly, he hope he is dead, but I’m prepared for him to be alive because after the Glenn thing, you won’t fool me again. He should be dead and Carol should be dead, and it hurts my soul to say it, but they should be and I hope they are.

-Oh yeah, before I wrap this up: Flight 462 had their 15th episode, and the pieces are finally coming together. The glass broke and the plane is going down and as they’re going through people putting on their masks, you get a quick look at a flight attendant and she doesn’t look good at all. So they’re gon’ crash in the ocean, which is where all the zombies come from in the trailer for the second season of Fear The Walking Dead (which I’m not sure if I’ma write about this season because life is busy and Game Of Thrones takes precedence….maybe I’ll break it up in five-episode recaps). That’s my guess. The last clip will air during next week’s finale.

So what do I think will happen next week? I think we should finally see Negan, who is going to kill someone. I guess if I had to rank them, I’d say Daryl is most likely, followed by Carol, Michonne and Glenn. Someone gotta die, though. I’ll be pissed if that doesn’t happen. What is Carl planning to do with that gun? Will Morgan use the gun that Rick gave him? Will the Saviors hit Alexandria now that they’re terribly outmanned? I’m not watching any trailers or anything, but I do know it’s 90 minutes. Let’s go, The Walking Dead. You’ve brought us this far with your ridiculousness. Don’t back off now.

 

The Walking Dead S06E13 – The Same Boat

The Walking Dead rolled towards the finish line of Season 6 with “The Same Boat”, and there wasn’t a lot that happened in this episode. All it did was strengthen my belief that my favorite character is probably not long for this world. Let’s go…..

-It starts where “Not Tomorrow Yet” left off, with Carol and Maggie getting ambushed. Carol doesn’t kill the man that runs up on them, because she has a conscience now, which isn’t going to work out for her. Then they’re surrounded by the Saviors, led by Alicia Witt, whose name is Paula here, but she has been in everything. Seriously, everything. Anyway, we see Paula talking to Rick about the hostage situation.

-Maggie and Carol are taken to a cell, where they get to know the rest of Paula’s crew. They leave for a minute and Carol finds some rosary beads on the floor, while Maggie tries to at least loosen her bonds around her hands. The group returns and Carol starts hyperventilating, and Maggie is like, uhhhhhhhh, I don’t know if this is a plan or what, but sure, I’ll roll with it. Meanwhile, Carol is getting made fun of by Molly, but Carol asks her not to smoke because of Maggie’s baby. I’m not sure I would have told the group that Maggie was pregnant, but hey, she must have a plan.

-The guy that Carol shot is PISSED that Paula and ’em are letting Carol and Maggie live, and starts wylin’ out, smacking Paula and kicking Carol, until Paula gunbutts him and knocks his ass out. Paula doesn’t look like she is in control of much here. That’s one of my main issues with this episode, and really, I only have two: one is that I don’t buy Alicia Witt as the ringleader of a bad group. I’ll get to two in a bit here. Sucks, too. I’ve always liked her in stuff. I just didn’t buy it.

-Michelle, one of the Saviors, tells Maggie that she was pregnant once, and that Maggie should know that her group aren’t the good guys. Maggie is looking at her like, I didn’t say we were, but I’ll let you cook. Paula is in the other room telling Carol that she’s pathetic, which means she’s not going to make it out of this episode. Rick tries to holla at Paula to see what’s up with this hostage trade, but Paula isn’t much for talking. Carol tries to explain to Paula why her group killed those people at the outpost because Negan’s motorcycle gang tried to take Daryl, Sasha and Abe. Then Molly says some bullshit about them all being Negan, and at this point, just show the man (and I know it’s a man because of the leaked casting). This is getting annoying now. I want them all to die. Oh, and then Carol and Paula play the “well, you’re a killer too” game. You’re both killers. Stop it.

-Paula does radio Rick to set something up, but she worries that Rick and ’em are already close to, or already inside, their building. Paula and Molly leave, and Carol gets herself free, of course. Carol goes to rescue Maggie, who decides that they can’t leave anyone alive, because pregnant Maggie is in a position to make this decision. They also find that Donnie died of his gunshot from Carol and is starting to turn, and when Donnie attacks Molly, they kill her and take her gun. Meanwhile, Paula gets back to the cell and sees all the dead bodies, and is like, OH SHIT I’M NOT BUILT FOR THIS AT ALL.

-Carol and Maggie meet Paula at the hallway of death, which features a slew of impaled walkers right down the middle. Paula wastes all her bullets and doesn’t hit anyone, and Carol tells Paula to run so she doesn’t have to kill her, even Maggie is like, KILL HER. And this is issue #2: Carol is going to die. She’s getting soft and that doesn’t work out in the world of The Walking Dead. Then a walker comes out of nowhere and Maggie kills it, and then goes to fight Michelle. Why the hell is pregnant Maggie doing all this fighting? Does this bother anyone? Anyway, Michelle slashes at her stomach, but Maggie narrowly avoids it and then Carol shoots her in the head.

-Carol doesn’t want to kill an injured Paula, but Paula rushes at her and Carol has to push her into an impaled walker, which eats Paula’s face. Then Carol concocts a plan to meet the rest of the Saviors in a room, which she sets on fire in what was probably the best scene of the episode. Carol’s kill count is now, what, 25, 26? She’s getting there. Anyway, they get out of the slaughterhouse, killing a turned Paula along the way, and reunite with the group. Maggie and Glenn hug, and Daryl asks Carol if she is okay; Carol is like, NAH BRUH.

-Rick asks the guy that they have held hostage, Primo, if Negan was in there and Primo is like, I’m Negan, and Rick is like, fuck this, and shoots him. There ya go.

-Oh, before I forget, outside of the “setting everyone on fire” part, the best part of the episode was the latest clip for Fear The Walking Dead: Flight 462……oooooooooooh buddy. Only two left in that, as well. AMC is capitalizing on this like shit, and good for them.

That “I’m not okay” by Carol at the end of the episode was the most telling part. She is getting racked by guilt over all the dirt that she has done, and I think it started with Sam. I understand why she is because Carol hasn’t been a good person, but she’s still my favorite character and is now at the top of the Death Pool rankings, which is a constant revolving door. I’m just kinda bitter that an episode centered around two of my three favorite characters was just so…..I don’t know….meeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhh.

So now, it’s really just a matter of who is going to die….someone is. The mission for Rick’s group is to find Negan, which I hope they do soon because this whole “we’re all Negan” shit is annoying. But there are only three episodes left in Season 6 of The Walking Dead, so we should get some answers soon.

The Walking Dead S06E12 – Not Tomorrow Yet

The Walking Dead is coming down the homestretch now with “Not Tomorrow Yet”, as the battle with Negan and the Saviors is looming. This was a nice little start, but the ending definitely raised the stakes. Let’s go…..

-We open with Carol, doing her little homemaker thing, going through how much food they don’t have anymore in Alexandria. Remember that run Daryl and Rick were supposed to make, to find crops and shit, and instead started fuckin’ around with Jesus and not driving back to the spot like they were supposed to? Yeah. But she takes some time out to kill a walker while out looking for stuff, and it’s gon’ take a lot of Tide pens to get that blood out. Anyway, she makes acorn cookies, and I’d eat ’em, because her casseroles were godly and her cookies shut Sam up….also made him go a little crazy, but these things happens. She gives the cookies to everyone, including Tobin, and they do some weird old-people flirting. This is going to be gross.

-Rick and ’em return and Rick tells everyone to meet at the church in an hour. He tells Carol that they’re gon’ have to fight, and Carol looks like she feels some kinda way about it. Killa Carol…..now is NOT the time to get soft on me. That’s how mufuckas die, and you’re the only person on this godforsaken show that I don’t want to die. Then Morgan comes around the corner and asks Carol why he didn’t tell Rick about the Wolf that he tried to rehabilitate, and Carol is like, we ain’t got time for that shit right now. Morgan always wants to talk about shit. Then she drops a cookie off at Sam’s headstone and we’re off.

-Rick tells the group of a plan to kill the Saviors before they attack Alexandria, and OH LOOK, THERE GOES MORGAN WANTING TO TALK TO THEM. I’m getting real sick of this guy….but it sucks because he can fight and you need fighters. I know he wasn’t around for Terminus or the Governor, but this is getting ridiculous. No one has his back, though, and Rick is like, aight, everybody gotta die. But for a second, Jesus looks at Morgan, and I bet he’ll talk to Morgan at some point. I don’t trust that dude for a second.

-Carol wakes up in the middle of the night and adds “Ws7” to a list, which means she killed seven of the Wolves, and she tallies up that she has killed 18 people so far. KILLA CAROL PUTTIN’ IN WORK.

-Sigh. She’s gon’ die.

-Maggie tells Glenn that she is going on this mission because she is the one who brokered the deal, but she will stay on the perimeter. This seems like a REALLY bad idea. I admire her courage, but Maggie has bigger things to worry about. Going out on potential killing missions while pregnant has to be against some kind of rule, although I guess all rules are out in the zombie apocalypse.

-Carol finds Tobin on his porch, and Tobin marvels at her ability  to do, as he says, things that terrify him. He boils it down to her maternal instinct and being protective, but he also says that she is more to him to that, and they kiss. Yup. She’s dying. I’m just preparing for that now. Fuck.

-Abe is packing up his shit and Rosita is like, NAH BRUH. And then he hits her with, “I thought you were the last woman on Earth, but you’re not”. What a dickhole. I don’t know, some people like him, but I’ve never liked Abe. Honestly, he could die in this episode and I’d be like, cool. But again, you need fighters. But for a laugh, Eugene got the door shut on him and I got this text from my homegirl Holly: “And for comic relief, we got Eugene seeing his parents split up”. That nails that.

-Elsewhere, Tara and Denise have a moment and Tara tells her that she loves her, which seems like it’s moving kinda fast, but hey, it’s the zombie apocalypse. Denise says she’ll say it when Tara comes back; she is also going on a two-week run after they do this mission. Meanwhile, Rick gives the blueprint for how they’re going to attack the Saviors, and that they’re going to give them Gregory’s head. This sounds like a bloody plan. I like it.

-That Brothers Grimsby movie looks terrible. I might be the only person in the world that doesn’t find that Borat dude funny.

-The group gets to a spot and they beep horns to attract walkers, and they decide they’ll meet later. Father Bitchass tells Rick that he won’t back down and Rick is like, why you still wearin’ that church stuff. and FB replies that he still thinks he is who he was, or some bullshit. Also, it’ll be harder for them to see him in the dark. Now THAT shit was funny. Then Rosita runs up on Carol and tells her that she almost told Rick and ’em about Morgan in the church, and Carol tells her to keep her mouth shut, which she agrees to do, but Rosita’s so mad. For good reason, but she’s maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. Better not run up on Carol like you’re about to do something.

-Glenn and Heath kills two walkers and they tell each other that they haven’t killed people yet, only walkers. I’ll take their word for it because I’m not looking through six seasons of stuff, but that surprises me about Glenn. He has never shot anyone? Not even at Terminus or with the Governor? Huh. Interesting.

-Glenn had sawed off that walker’s head, which added to the numbers of heads. Rick’s plan is to use one of those heads to fool the Saviors, who would think it was Gregory, and then roll in through the front. Jesus says that the nose on the head Rick picked is different from Gregory, so Rick punches the head in the face a buncha times. Andy, who was part of the Hilltops, says “the Saviors: they’re scary but those pricks got nothing on you.”. Yeah, dogg, Rick ain’t here for fuckin’ around. He makes terrible decisions and he’s probably going to get people killed, but he doesn’t go back on what he decides.

-YOOOOOOOOOOOO That Fear The Walking Dead: Flight 462 joint. He FINALLY turned. Ate the fuck outta his wife, too haha.

–The Purge: Election Year. That is a real thing. I thought it was fake until just now.

-Andy rolls up to the Saviors’ compound with the head in a bag, and the guards say that it’s cool, but Daryl slides up and kills one of them while the other goes to get someone. The group heads into the compound and starts puttin’ in work, and Rick gets kill of the week for slowly, and grossly, putting his knife in the head of a sleeping dude. That shit was great. Glenn and Heath do the same thing, although Glenn takes one for Heath, who ain’t about that life. Man, I coulda SWORN Glenn killed a mufucka or three before. But he doesn’t feel so bad now, because the Saviors kept trophy pictures of people they killed, with their heads crushed. And these are the mufuckas Morgan want to talk to? Fuck outta here.

-Tara and Father B (I’m just getting lazy now, and I barely remember dude’s name at this point) are with Jesus, Andy and some Craig guy, that the guard apparently went to get (and I assume he is dead now) in a car. Tara tells Father B that she feels some kinda way about this mission, and that is why she told Denise that she loved her, and Father B is like, well, you have a reason to fight now. If only Jesus and Andy knew that they could get outta this with no problems. Get past Tara and they’re good.

-Abe and Sasha find a Savior and after a fight, the Savior pulls the alarm, so there goes that plan. Maggie wants to go in and fight, and Carol is like, are you fuckin’ crazy? Shoulda left her ass at home. The fight is on now; Aaron has to stab a guy after running in his room, Tara pops two people, Glenn and Heath find an armory and lay waste to a buncha people on the other side of the door, and Jesus finishes one of them off. Even Father B kills someone, and hits ’em with an “Amen”. Alright, buddy. That’s a good start to removing the B from your name.

-In the morning, the group does a sweep. Glenn asks Heath and Tara to postpone their run, but they decide to go anyway. We see Morgan back at Alexandria, welding what I think is a door for a cell. Michonne asks Rick about which one he thought Negan was and just then, a Savior comes outta nowhere on Daryl’s bike. Rosita shoots him, Daryl punches him a couple times and all is good….until a female voice comes over the radio that is on the Savior. The voice tells Rick to lower his gun, which is pointed at the Savior, and she says that they have Carol and Maggie, and they should talk about some stuff.

-I didn’t see the post-credit scene if there was one, so yeah, I’ll look for that later.

So, we’ll find out who this woman was next week, and I assume she’ll get us closer to Negan. I know Negan is a dude until the casting news that came out last year was a lie. But now that they have Carol and Maggie, all bets are off. My bet is that Carol doesn’t make it back to Alexandria, and it’ll be Rick’s fault somehow (probably being a hothead). But hey, gotta take risks and they would have come for Alexandria anyway. These last four episodes of The Walking Dead are about to be fire, I can feel it.

 

The Walking Dead S06E11 – Knots Untie

The Walking Dead rolls on with “Knots Untie”, which introduces more new people since a whole slew of mufuckas were wiped out over the first two episodes. How long will it take until these new people show that they have to die? Not long. Let’s go….

-Abe is tryna have small talk with Sasha, who he has been flirting with for a while now, but Sasha tells him that she is switching gigs with Eugene. Abe is trying so hard to not act hurt, but she threw him in that friend zone so quick. And she’s probably like, “bruh, we all know you’re fuckin’ Rosita”, and the last thing that group needs is some Jerry Springer shit. Might be the best decision anyone makes all season.Speaking of, the next scene is him in bed with Rosita, as he thinks about Sasha, being a dirtbag.

-We get our first scene with Maggie and Glenn since they’ve been reunited, and they talk about the lack of crops they’re getting. But then they see Abe and Denise running to the basement where the homie Jesus was, so they follow. Jesus is chillin’ in the living room and Carl puts the gun to his head, but Rick and Michonne tell everyone that it’s okay. Meanwhile, I think a couple people are more like, sooooooooo……..what y’all doin’ tho?

-Jesus explains that he has a group that has food and stuff, and he was sent out to find groups to trade with. So he has obviously been spying on them, but no one presses him on it. Then they agree to go to the Hilltop, where he is from, which has bad news written all over it.

-They get ready to leave and Rick tries to explain to Carl about Michonne, but Carl is like, nah, it’s cool, dogg, do your thing. And Carl loves Michonne at this point. Obviously, it’s not his mom, but he hasn’t even said Lori’s name in a couple seasons. Fair enough, because she was terrible.

-A group of Rick, Michonne, Glenn, Maggie and Abraham head to the Hilltop with Jesus, and Abe asks Glenn about he and Maggie bringing a child into this world. It’s a good point, but Glenn says they’re building something at Alexandria. And another point: should pregnant Maggie be on this trip? Back to that in a bit.

-They see an overturned car on the road, which Jesus recognizes as being from his place, so they investigate it because why not. Daryl tracks them to a building, leaving Jesus with Maggie, which seems like another terrible idea, but she has a gun and Maggie will shoot you in the face. They found the group in the building, killing a couple walkers along the way, and they realize that one is also an obstetrician, which is great for Maggie and Glenn, and worries the shit outta me. One of the survivors tells Jesus that he was his dead wife when he thought he was going to die, which strikes a nerve with Abe because of his past. He’s going to snap and get someone killed, probably himself, but definitely someone else.

-They get to the Hilltop, which is guarded by a couple of dudes with spears, and it’s a good thing they weren’t black or else this recap would have been 2,000 words of fire. But they weren’t, and they want Rick and ’em to lower the guns, and Rick is like, man, WE GOT GUNS AND Y’ALL GOT FUCKIN’ SPEARS. Jesus calms everyone down and Rick and ’em get to keep their guns, and that they ran out of ammo months ago. This keeps getting more fishy, bruh. But they got a mansion that used to be a museum as well as crops, so Rick and ’em are like, well, we’re here.

-They meet Gregory, the leader, who wants everyone to clean up before they sit on anything, which is fair, but Rick’s group don’t even look that dirty outside of Daryl, and that’s just his thing at this point. Rick wants Maggie to talk to Gregory, which is why she is here: because of her work with Deanna. Rick hopes she picked up some skills on how to talk to mufuckas. But she tries that and Gregory is a douche, telling her that he knows they don’t have much food, that they’ll only help if the Alexandria people work at the Hilltop, and then proceeds to either hit on Maggie, or basically tell her that she’s about to be a sex slave or something (not in so many words, but that’s what I got out of it). Maggie is like, y’all ain’t got ammo or medication, and we can do this easy, and Gregory is like, NOAP. Man, after all Maggie has been through? He has no idea who he is messing with. After her run-in with The Governor, Maggie doesn’t scare easily. And this felt kinda Governor-y.

-Everyone else is outside and a group returns to the Hilltop from a meeting with Negan, who has killed two of them and they’re holding a third. There was also a message from Negan, delivered by someone named Ethan, who stabbed Negan in the stomach and a fight ensues. Rick ends up killing Ethan, while Daryl saves Abe from being choked out, although he didn’t put up much of a fight. Rick gets up with blood on his face like, THE FUCK Y’ALL WANNA DO, and Jesus is like, they’re good, Ethan started it, but some girl punches Rick and you know Michonne ain’t here for that at all. She pushed that girl to the ground like she wasn’t anything. Rick got him a down-ass chick that can fight now….which will suck that much more when she dies.

-Goddamn, that was good. Rick seriously looked at them like, you think this is the first time I’ve had a mufucka’s blood on my face and my mouth? This ain’t even zombie blood. Fuck outta here with that. Daryl in the background like, y’all don’t wanna fuck with him.

-Meanwhile, Abe leaves a necklace that Rosita gave him on the ground, right there, and he’s about to bring so much fuckass drama to this spot. And no one cares, b.

-Jesus tells the group about Negan, who runs The Saviors, and the deal was that they wouldn’t attack the Hilltop in exchange for half of what they had, on some Eddie Murphy in Raw shit. Rick is like, yo, how about we kill Negan and ’em, in exchange for what you got, and Jesus says he’ll take that to Gregory. Yo, these Hilltop people gotta be working with the Saviors. They can’t be outchea gettin’ got by EVERYBODY, can they?

-Gregory tells Maggie that he agrees to the deal, but Maggie is like, nah, HALF, EDDIE (just watch the clip). He agrees to that because like she said, the Saviors will keep coming for more until they have everything, then they’ll just kill everyone at the Hilltop anyway. Maggie had this in her long before Deanna.

-They leave the Hilltop, and Rick is briefed on Negan’s compound, while Maggie and Glenn get an ultrasound from that doctor (Harlan), and they show the group the picture of their unborn child. What in the hell are they setting us up for?

A solid episode, I’d say, and it made sense for the most part (it wouldn’t be a TWD episode if there weren’t a couple stupid things, but nothing awful). We learn a little more about Negan and how ain’t-shit he is, so they’re setting that up for the last few episodes of the season. They’re focusing on Abe a little more, which makes him rise up the TWD Death Power Rankings. I also don’t completely trust the Hilltop people, because that Ethan guy stabbed Gregory a little too easily. In cahoots with Negan, and everyone has been watching Alexandria, concocting this plan? We’ll see. The next episode looks like everyone is Rambo-ing up to prepare for this siege….but I bet Negan and ’em already know it’s coming. Alright, Walking Dead, I’m ready.

 

The Walking Dead S06E10 – The Next World

After coming back with a bang for the second half, The Walking Dead slowed down the pace with “The Next World”, which I was completely fine with. The pace, that is. I’m not too sure how I feel about some of the things that went down in this episode, and hopefully I’ll figure it out by the time I’m done. Let’s go….

-The episode opens with Michonne in a bathrobe, asking Rick to bring back toothpaste on a supply run, and it seems like some time has passed since Carl got his eye shot out. Then you have Denise asking Daryl to bring back pop for Tara. Rick and Michonne look mad comfortable and I raise an eyebrow. But Denise and Tara, is that a thing now? They kissed in the first half of this season, so hey, do your thing, ladies. A threesome is still in play for someone, because I’ve given up on Glenn.

-Speaking of, Maggie sees Enid and tries to get her to talk, but Enid ain’t tryna hear it. Maggie tells her that she’s around if she wants to talk. So we don’t even get a Glenn-Maggie reunion after that bullshit they pulled last week? We get Maggie and Enid? Okay then. I’ve been waiting for her ass to get eaten since she got there.

-And not eating her actual ass, you dirtbags.

-Eugene gives Rick and Daryl a map of the area and points out an agricultural-supply store, where they can hopefully find stuff to grow their own food. Look at Eugene, being helpful. This is what he is good for. As they’re driving, in a Chrysler 300 no less because if you’re gon’ ride around in the zombie apocalypse, might as well be in some nice shit. Rick said he wants to find food and new people, which Daryl counters that they haven’t seen in weeks. I’m cool with food, but what in the hell do you want to find new people for? Tell me how great that has worked out in the past?

-Michonne, while keeping watch, sees Spencer walking out into the woods with a shovel, and obviously she has to follow him. But I trust whatever Michonne does, so it’s cool.

-Rick and Daryl see a barn, and they find a truck inside. It seems awful trappy to me. Then they leave the car there and take the truck, and stop at a gas station to get more shit, which seems even more trappy. Then a dude comes outta nowhere, and they pull the heat on him. He says his name is Paul Rovia, and he said he was running from walkers. They decide that he isn’t a problem and let him do, then they hear shots from behind the gas station, which they discover are fireworks. That’s when they realize they’ve been had, and Paul Rovia is driving off with the truck. See, Rick? See what tryna be friends gets you? You got friends, bruh. Shoot anyone you see and keep it movin’. That’s why Killa Carol needs to pass the concussion protocol and be out there on these runs.

-Spencer is out in the woods, tryna draw a walker out and kill it, but Michonne steps up and kills it. Spencer is like, so you think I’m a bitch and Michonne is like, man, I told ya moms I’d look after ya bitch ass. Not in those words, but that’s more or less what she meant. Or what I meant.

-Meanwhile, Carl and Enid are in the woods, reading comic books, and even Enid is like, dogg, what are we doing out here? Carl is like, we’re kids and that’s what we do. You’ll know when you’re surrounded by walkers. You already got away with one when y’all were chillin’ in that tree. Stop wandering around in the woods. You can read comics in the house. Y’all gon’ learn, dammit.

-They hear a noise and see that it is Spencer and Michonne, and Enid is like, man, fuck this, I’m out, and Carl is like, okay. I’ll give him a pass because he is still a kid and just got his eye taken, but come on, Carl. You know she’s right. But they see a walker as they’re walking away and Carl pushes it down, but he won’t let Enid kill it, and you realize from the looks on their faces that they recognize it. You should know who it is.

-Meanwhile, Rick and Daryl are on foot and they eventually catch up to Paul and the truck, holding him at gunpoint and tying him up. They did leave the knots loose enough so he could escape, and here, I have a couple questions. Why not just kill him and take the keys? Why leave the ropes loosened? Because guess what, they’re driving away and realize that he is on top of the truck. HOW IN THE NAME OF REG AND PETE DID HE GET ON TOP OF THE TRUCK? You mean to tell me he got free that fast and climbed on top? Did he chase down the truck because he’s a really fast runner? This show is great. The Walking Dead‘s foundation is built on people making terrible decisions. Wouldn’t be shit without it.

-Anyway, they chase him down with Daryl and Paul (also named Jesus because that’s what his friends called him) fighting in the truck, which ends up in a lake. They got out before that, and Paul also saved Daryl by shooting a walker, which leads Rick to want to bring him back to Alexandria. Sure, Rick. Why the hell not?

-Michonne and Spencer see Carl leaving a walker behind, and the walker stumbles towards them…..it’s Zombie Deanna! Spencer was out here because he thought he saw her before, and he wanted to get up the courage to kill her so he could bury her. This goes into the end of the episode, when Michonne tells Carl that he should have killed Zombie Deanna, and he thought it should have been someone in her family. He’s not entirely wrong. Now stop walking around in the fuckin’ woods.

-Daryl and Rick bring Paul to the infirmary so he can be taken care of by Denise, the world’s best nurse now. Then they take him to the basement, leaving him some water and a note, which we can’t read.

-Rick then meets Michonne at the house, where he gives her mints and both of them say that they’ve had a day. Anyway, they end up holding hands and they kiss, which we’ve all seen coming for a minute now, but Rick end up up with Jessie, who is now probably a walker somewhere. It seemed kinda awkward. My big fear is now that Michonne is gon’ die. Rick’s women don’t have a good track record.

-Then there was the post-credit scene, which I didn’t see. But I guess Paul was in the basement in Rick’s house? Really, bruh? The house where your kids are at? There aren’t other houses? And where is Daryl? WHY DON’T YOU JUST KILL PEOPLE? FUCK.

“The Next World” was alright, not the best episode of The Walking Dead, but not the worst. We needed to catch our breath after “No Way Out”. They skipped over a few things, but it is what it is. Seems like Rick just got over Jessie and Michonne is the rebound? He better not get her killed. We’ll see next week what the deal is with Jesus, and what kinda trap he set for them. Because he is involved in a trap, possibly with Negan (comic readers, don’t tell me and be that person, I’m not having the spoiler conversation again). I look forward to many more terrible decisions from The Walking Dead.

The Walking Dead S05E16 – Conquer

The Walking Dead brought Season 5 to a close with “Conquer”, a title that didn’t seem to fit on first glance. But it wasn’t what you would have expected of Rick and the group, and it encapsulated everything that was good (and bad) about a damn good fifth season. Let’s go….

-We open with the homie Morgan, which was one of my big questions going into the episode because we hadn’t seen him since the finale of Season 5A, “Coda“. He’s sleeping in the back of a car, which seems dangerous because what if a horde of walkers surround you in your sleep, but I forgot who we’re talkin’ about. He gets out of the car and is chillin’, tryna have his morning coffee like a civilized person when he is approached by someone with a gun and a “W” on his forehead. So we find out the Wolves are a group that goes around reclaiming the territory, basically killing them off, which is something we kinda figured out, so he tells Morgan he is takin’ all his shit and Morgan is about to die, then he is joined by another wolf. The two try to take Morgan, who goes all black Donatello on them with a bow staff, and fucks their entire life up. He then realizes that dude ran up on him with an empty gun, which had to be a piss-off, so he kills a walker, puts the wolves in the car he was sleeping in and beeps the horn to attract more walkers before taking a rabbit’s foot that was hanging from the mirror. That was one of the best cold opens of the season. Also, as per the black Donatello thing, I finally watched a bit of Talking Dead and Lennie James, who plays Morgan, said he trained with someone that worked on the Ninja Turtles movie, so there is that. I was pretty proud of that. And fuck y’all, the new TMNT movie was great.

-Rick wakes up in a room with Michonne, who tells him that Pete is in his own house and she reiterates that they just needed to be not out there anymore, which is fair. Then they’re joined by Glenn, Abe and Carol, who starts asking Rick about the stolen gun that she stole, and Rick is kinda lookin’ at her like, bitch, what? YOU TOOK IT FOR ME. But I think it was a matter of Carol tryna get him ready for Deanna’s interrogation and Carol is the brains behind the operation. Carol tells Rick to tell them what they wanna hear, which is what she has been doing since she got her and Michonne asks her why. Carol hits her with, “because these people are children and children like stories”. Apparently Deanna is having some sort of forum with the town to figure out what to do with Rick, who then comes up with a plan to take Deanna and company hostage if things go south. Actually, WHEN things go south because we know our group. Michonne says they can talk to each other, but Rick is like, yeah, with knives to their throats. Even Glenn is kinda wary of this, so it’ll be interesting to see if the group moves with Rick, well, everyone outside of Carol. We know she is down.

-Maggie is glaring at Father Bitchass through a window, then turns her attention to Deanna and Reg about the evening’s forum. Deanna isn’t really down to talk about it, which is fair because she has to be still grieving Aiden, but Reg tracks Maggie down and says some ol’ Kumbayah shit about everyone living together. Reg is too good for this world, and we know what happens to those people in The Walking Dead.

-Sasha continues to be crazy, wheeling dead walkers to a hole she dug because why not keep dead walkers around? They add a ton to the surroundings and I’m sure they smell great. Anyway, she kinda slips into the hole and says fuck it, lying down on the walkers. What a GD mess she is.

-Daryl and Aaron are still trackin’ someone or something, and Aaron, who is always talking, tells the story of the trio that was exiled from Alexandria. It was two men and a woman, and they were driven far away from the town. He can’t let that happen again, he says. So are these people now wolves? Was that the woman that was tied to a tree? Actually, never mind, Aaron would have known it was her, unless he’s shady and that wouldn’t surprise me at all.

-Carol visits Rick, who asks why she sold him out with Michonne with the guns earlier, and Carol has her reservations about Michonne, which is completely fair; she’s been acting kinda strange since they got to Alexandria, but that’s because she just wanted to stop running. Rick says he doesn’t want to take Alexandria, and he doesn’t wanna lie anymore. Carol just smiles at him and says, “awwww sunshine….you don’t get both”. KILLA CAROL IS SUCH A FUCKING G.

-Aaron and Daryl are following a dude in a red poncho, then we cut to Rick walking down the street. He says hello to three dudes who are lookin’ around like, could we even take him? Then he glares at Deanna or rather, they glare at each other. Meanwhile, Nicholas is plottin’ on Glenn from across the street, then Maggie comes out and tells Glenn she will try and talk to the entire town to get Rick out of this. Rick goes to his house and tells Carl he might have to threaten some mufuckas at the meeting, and even Carl is like, oh fuck, again? But Carl seems to be taking pity on this group; they don’t know what the streets are like nowadays. Besides, he needs like, a few more days to holla at Enid.

-Daryl and Aaron find a food warehouse about 50 miles away from Alexandria, so they get past a fence and a buncha walkers and this seems like such a terrible idea. Aaron finds an Alaskan license plate, because that shit is important. Daryl is lookin’ around like, something doesn’t seem right, but he tries to open a container, which starts a booby trap and walkers start coming from every direction. The chase is on and they’re trapped under a truck. Daryl kills three walkers at once with a chain, and Aaron slams one of their heads in a door as the two are trapped inside a car. Daryl says hey, maybe if we chill for a couple hours, someone will come. Then Aaron finds a note that says, “TRAP BAD PEOPLE COMING DON’T STAY” and it looks like the last three words are written in blood, so there goes that plan.

-Pete is wallowing, and Carol is knocking at the door. Carol brings over a tuna casserole and a knife, and threatens to kill Pete if he doesn’t come back to treat Tara, along with him just being a dickbag in general. The shot of Carol threatening Pete, who is at least eight inches taller than Carol, is fantastic, and she hits him with that “come at me bro”. Carol has a way of making everyone around her feel very small when she wants to, and it makes Pete freak out as he drops the dish on the ground, starts yelling that it isn’t his house and trashes the place.

-After talking to Maggie, Glenn saw Nicholas climb over the wall, which seems to be a common theme in Alexandria, and he follows him through the woods, but Nicholas shoots him in the shoulder. Nicholas ain’t truly about that life because he had a clean shot, but when he goes to find Glenn, there is no body. He has no idea who he is messin’ with.

-Rick goes to see Jessie because that sounds like a great idea, which she even admits, but Rick doesn’t care and she tells him he was right. Pete is looking through the window from across the street, so that’s gon’ happen.

-We’re back to Daryl and Aaron in the car, and Daryl admits that he fits in better in the open than back at the houses, which sounds about right. Daryl then comes up with a plan to draw the walkers to him while Aaron makes a run for it, and Aaron is like, fuck that, we’re doing this together. They get their shit up to make a run for it and then, BAM, Morgan comes outta nowhere and clears a path for them. They’re like, who the fuck are you, b? Aaron starts talkin’ like shit, tellin’ names and where they live and Daryl shoots him a look like, yo, shit the fuck up. But Morgan says he is on somewhere and hands Daryl the map that says, “The new world is gonna need Rick Grimes”. WE’RE ALMOST THERE.

-Father Bitchass went for a walk outside of the gates and finds a walker with a noose around his neck and says that he is ready, and I would love to see this walker win, but he seems to notice the person that the walker was eating is still alive, and he is even too much of a coward to die. He kills the walker and the dude who was a buffet for said walker, and he continues to cry and lie in the street. Fuck this dude, fuck his life, his friends, his family and everything that has to do with him.

-Abe goes to visit Tara and brings this little pitiful plant, but he sees Eugene and doesn’t wanna deal with a discussion that I figured they had a long time ago. They apologize for past indiscretions (Eugene lying, Abe for knocking him out), and yeah, that’s cool. I don’t care. Good for them. One of them is dying in the first couple episodes of Season 6.

-Gabriel comes back and Spencer, Deanna’s other son, wants to talk to him later on. But Father Bitchass, being the fuckboy he is, DOESN’T SHUT THE GATE ENTIRELY. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??????????

-Nicholas is still tryna find Glenn, and you’d think he would just follow the trail of blood, but he’s an idiot. He gets distracted by a walker and Glenn jumps him and the two fight, and somehow, Glenn winds up with three walkers on him. Keep that in the back of your head for a minute.

-Michonne finds Rick before the meeting, and Rick tells her about the guns they stole, and they lied to Michonne because they weren’t sure of her. Michonne is like, y’all don’t think I’m down for the cause? She wants to do this non-violently, bu she says she is still with Rick and I’m down for this power couple of Rick and Michonne. Rickonne? Mick? I don’t know, I’ll figure something out before next season.

-We see someone unsheathing a sword, but no face. I think it is Rick, who looks out of the window and notices something. It is that the gate has been left open and something or someone got in. He springs into action and starts looking, while Father Bitchass gets back to his place and finds Sasha, who needs to talk to him about going crazy. This is being cut with the meeting, but they’re missing some people, a lot of people, actually. Rick is still chasing whatever got in through the gates, Nicholas and Glenn are still out in the woods, Father Bitchass and Sasha, Aaron and Daryl….but Deanna is tryna get this poppin’.

-Carol and Abe are talkin’ Rick up to the group and saying they need him, while Glenn comes outta nowhere and bops Nicholas over the head. Now, I wanna stop for a second. Glenn is badass and I have no question that he could have beaten those three walkers on top of him, but dogg, we need to see that because when we left him, I assumed that would be the end of that. That was probably my biggest problem with the episode; actually, second-biggest and both involve Glenn.

-Meanwhile, Rick is fighting off a walker and they’re on the ground, but it looks like he first puts his gun through its head, and then squeezes its head until it pops on some Game Of Thrones shit. Then it cuts to the red poncho guy, who is being walked up to the fence where the food trap was, and the two men with him slit his throat and say, welcome home. Interesting.

-Maggie takes over for Rick’s side, and says some shit about family, but Deanna is like, Father Bitchass told me y’all were on some bullshit. Jessie pushes back against her and she has to be a little pissed because Deanna was basially ready to sacrifice her because Pete is a doctor. Meanwhile, Glenn is still kickin’ Nicholas’ ass in the woods in the world’s longest fight scene, while Sasha has Father Bitchass on the ground with a gun pointed at him, which brings a happy tear to my eye. But then, we cut to the food trap and they have a remote system where there is music playing inside the containers, which draws the walkers back inside. These mufuckas, I’m assuming they’re the wolves, are pretty smart.

-The group are still talkin’ and someone, I think his name is Tobin, says something about keeping his family safe and if they gotta get rid of some people….just as Rick comes through with a dead walker over his shoulder. All he had to say after that was, THIS IS WHY Y’ALL MUFUCKAS NEED ME. Glenn still has a gun to Nicholas’ head and he is begging for his life, and Glenn is so much better than me because he doesn’t kill him. I woulda shot ol’ boy in his legs and left him there. That was my biggest problem with this episode, but I’m petty. Meanwhile, Maggie walks in on Sasha and stops her from shooting Father Bitchass, who says it was his fault that they all died, so I assume that is his congregation. Maggie feels sorry for him and helps him up. Maybe getting this off his chest will help be a better person next season? I hope so; I don’t know if I can do this anymore.

-Rick listens to Carl and Michonne and tells the people how it is, while there are cuts to scenes with Carl and Judith, and Glenn helping Nicholas back, Maggie/Father Bitchass/Sasha picking a great time for a prayer circle, Tara wakes up with Rosa and someone picking up a bag; the bag was Aaron’s, and the person picking it up was one of the two men that are controlling the walkers. All Rick is saying is that there are people and things out there that want to kill them and they have to strike first, and he was wondering how many of the Alexandria people he had to kill to make them see that, but he decided against it and that they had to change or else.

-Just then, Pete barges in with Michonne’s sword (so it was him unsheathing it earlier) and tries to go after Rick and Reg tries to intercept him, while Carol whispers, “do it now”. Pete slashes his throat and gets taken down by Abe while everyone gasps and Carol inside is hittin’ that Mr. Burns laugh like, holy shit this is working out SO WELL. Deanna is freaking out because now she has lost her husband, too, and says to Rick, ” do it”, and Rick shot Pete so fast. Then Aaron, Daryl and Morgan walk up like, what y’all doin’?

-After the credits, we see Michonne putting her sword on her back again, where it belongs, while we also see red poncho guy, who is now a walker, pass the car that Daryl and Aaron were inside of, and it says, “WOLVES NOT FAR” on the outside.

Well, alright then. The group managed to take over Alexandria, conquer, as it were, and this was similar to the way in which kinda took over the farm. They talked to the people running place and hey, a little blood had to get spilled, but it’s for the greater good and that is a huge overarching theme in The Walking Dead. You might not think you have to get your hands dirty in the zombie apocalypse, but you’re gon’ have to do it at some point, whether you’re the Alexandria people, or Father Bitchass. So, it looks like the wolves are building an army of walkers, while Rick is building an army of Alexandrians, so that shit ’bout to come to a head next season. And hey, Carl and Judith will have a new mommy, so that’s sorted.

Overall, it was a great ending to what I think has been the best season of the show since, shit, probably the first or second. I mean, I saw some people complaining about how many commercials there were, but AMC gotta eat and if you didn’t know how it would go down beforehand, you haven’t been watching TV very long. In particular, the second half was everything that is awesome about The Walking Dead and yeah, there were a couple of shaky parts, but come on, this shit ain’t exactly Mad Men or Breaking Bad, AMC’s two other flagship shows. By Season 5, you should know what you’re getting out of this show and they set a new rating record with this episode, so someone has to be doing something right. Anyway, I’m ready for Season 6. Until then, y’all. Thanks for rockin’ with me.

The Walking Dead S05E15 – Try

“Try” was a strange episode of The Walking Dead, especially as the penultimate episode of Season 5. I think I knew what they were tryna do, but I’m not sure they pulled it off. Maybe I’ll be more clear about it after I write this. Let’s go………

-There is a walking slothing around in the woods and he walks past a broken picture of, I’m not exactly sure who. Maybe it’s that Enid girl and her people? Were they the people that got killed with Aiden and Nicholas? Meanwhile, Deanna, Reg and Spencer are mourning Aiden’s death, and she throws on what I assume is a CD of Aiden’s, and I think it’s Nine Inch Nails. Unpopular opinion: I don’t like Nine Inch Nails. Trent Reznor seems like an alright guy, though.

-The family mourning is being cut with Carol baking a tuna casserole, which looks basic and tasty as hell. She is tryna think of what she can write on a note as she is giving it to the family, and then she sees Sam outside, staring in the window. Kinda creepy, but he gets a pass because he is going through some shit. The family turns off the music and Deanna opens the door to find the casserole and a note saying “We are truly sorry for your loss”. But she ain’t here for your sympathy, Carol, and Deanna leaves the casserole out on the step, comes inside and burns the note. Lines have officially been drawn in the sand if they weren’t before.

-While all this is happening, Sasha is going through a PTSD (or something similar, if anyone has a better term for it, holla) bout as the walker approaches and starts banging on the wall, which will surely attract more. She finally shoots it and then we see Daryl killing another one out in the field with Aaron, and the pair sees a light off in the distance before they hit the opening. Dem Wolves out?

-The episode returns with Nicholas lying on camera to Deanna about what happened to Aiden, while Glenn is telling the truth to Rick. Deanna doesn’t seem to fully buy what Nicholas is saying, though, and orders Nicholas, along with Glenn, to stay inside the walls until she sorts this out, so she must have had suspicions of her own anyway. Glenn pleads with Rick that they have to make this place work because while these people are some putzes, it’s better than being outside, in theory anyway. Carol sees Jessie, Sam and the older son and she asks Rick what he thinks about the whole “plotting to kill Pete” thing, and that Sam told her he has found his mother unconscious after a fight with his dad. Carol isn’t going to let this go and I have a feeling that if Rick won’t do it, she will. All she sees is what she used to go through with Ed, and she says she wouldn’t be here if the walkers hadn’t gotten him. Rick says that she would have, but would she?

-Rick is walking around in the dark as he is known to do and runs into Pete, who stays being drunk and he tries to talk to Rick, who is holding a gun and he tells Pete to walk away. It takes Pete a minute to figure out that Rick ain’t fuckin’ with him, so this shit has to come to a head soon.

-Michonne wakes up and lays out her uniform, then Rosa tells her that Tara is hanging in there, but the real problem is that no one has seen Sasha, so they go out in the woods for the first time since they got to Alexandria. Michonne also feels responsible for Noah dying, but that’s all I really got out of this exchange between her and Rosa. This isn’t the best written episode of The Walking Dead I’ve ever seen, which is strange because Angela Kang wrote “Four Walls And A Roof” and “Coda” from this season, along with a bunch of other episodes from previous seasons.

-Rick rolls up on Deanna at Aiden’s gravesite and tries to bring up the Pete/Jessie thing, which I found to be in really bad taste. I know it’s an important situation, but dogg, she’s tryna mourn her dead son. Deanna tells Rick that she knew about it, but Pete is a surgeon, which is a good point; you kinda need a doctor in these times, but Rick isn’t havin’ it and suggests that they separate the two of them and if Pete isn’t down with that, he’ll kill him, which Deanna knew was coming anyway. Deanna is like, come on, dogg, we civilized, we don’t do this, we kick mufuckas out, but Rick won’t let it go. I mean, I get where Rick is coming from and I don’t necessarily disagree, but he’s kind of an asshole about it.

-Michonne and Rosa figure out that Sasha is hunting walkers as she is shooting them in the back of the head. Meanwhile, Carl is following Enid, who hears him and tells him to go back and that he scares her, which is fair, he is kinda creepy. But so is she, so they’re a perfect match. Rick and Carl are so pressed to have a woman in their life since Lori that they’ll try and bang married women and follow girls out in the woods where they shouldn’t be. Jeez.

-Carl and Enid see a walker, and she throws a timer out to distract it. It’s around this point that I want them to get eaten.

-Glenn finds Nicholas cleaning blood out of the rave van and tells him that it was his fault that everyone died from Noah to Aiden to the people they let die before, and Nicholas fronts like he’s gon’ do something, but he’s pussy and Glenn can smell it. He tells Nicholas not to leave the place and that he is saving him, and he’s right. I would have liked to see Nicholas try something, though. Glenn woulda tore his ass up. Lucky Glenn didn’t leave you there to die, fuckboy.

-Carl and Enid take a rest in the woods because they’re runnin’ around like shit is sweet in these streets, but it’s obvious that something happened to her, Carl can see that. Then they hear a buncha walkers coming and they hide in a tree, and this whole scene made me angry. If we know one thing about walkers on The Walking Dead, it’s that they have a good sense of smell, but they can’t smell these kids. I guess this scene was put there just to get Carl and Enid close and they hold hands and shit. I don’t know. I don’t care. But one good thing came from this scene: we see another walker with a “W” in his forehead. DEM WOLVES COMIN’.

-Nicholas is diggin’ up what I think is the gun Rick hid in the blender a few episodes ago. Well, that answers that.

-Sasha is huntin’ the walkers like Michonne said, and she looks insane. Michonne and Rosa catch up to her and there is a horde coming, and Sasha just isn’t listening to reason. Michonne flashes back to when she was angry as Sasha is, and the three of them take on the horde. Sasha woulda died if they weren’t out there, and personally, I woulda left her out there if she ain’t wanna listen. Is there a therapist or some shit in Alexandria? She needs to talk to someone.

-Daryl and Aaron find a dismembered body that was recently killed, and they find a woman tied to a tree with her guts hangin’ out and a “W” on her forehead. She turns into a walker, but Daryl deads that shit with the quickness. Who or what in the fuck are these Wolves?

-Rick runs up on Jessie and tells her that he knows about Pete and that he wants to help her, and this scene gets super creepy really quick. He basically turns into Shane and is like, I wouldn’t do this for anyone else, which makes him a terrible cop. Again, not the best written scene. But Pete walks in and figures out, hey, Rick is tryna bang my wife and the brawl is on. Sasha is up in the watchtower and notices that everyone is runnin’ towards something.

-They’re runnin’ towards Rick and Pete tryna kill each other with chokeholds and punches. Jessie tries to pull Pete off and gets punched, while Carl tries to do the same to Rick, who throws him away and gets this messed-up look in his eyes. Deanna finally breaks it up, but Rick pulls a gun on everyone and you can see, he has totally lost it, lookin’ like Ric Flair after a steel-cage match back when wrestlers were allowed to bleed. He goes on some rant about the Alexandria people being naive to what is going on outside the walls, and he is right, but dude, you completely went about it the wrong way. Deanna kinda suggests that he is gon’ get the boot and Rick is like, oh fuckin’ word? YOU AND WHAT ARMY???? Then Michonne comes outta nowhere and bops him on the head.

After a run of very good episodes, “Try” was a bit of a letdown until the last 15 minutes or so, basically starting with Daryl and Aaron finding that girl and then the fight that is obviously going to force Deanna’s hand to make a decision. I don’t think Michonne is switching sides, but someone had to shut Rick the fuck up. I’m more interested in what Aaron and Daryl are doing and where these Wolves are, if that is even a thing. There is a lot left with one episode (which is about to be 90 minutes, so set ya PVRs), and it’ll be interesting to see what The Walking Dead decides to focus on.

The Walking Dead S05E14 – Spend

Ever since the group got to Alexandria, The Walking Dead has been slowly integrating them into the new folks. Having parties, getting jobs, everything has been just wonderful. In “Spend”, that all gets tossed into a blender where Rick’s gun was supposed to be, set on fire and thrown off a cliff. Let’s go…..

-Father Bitchass hasn’t been around in a while, and I fear that the entire episode will be about him, so I’m already mad. He stares at a bowl of strawberries and a welcome note from some Rosemary person, and then starts ripping pages out of the Bible. Fuck are you so mad about? Your ass should still be on a rock in the woods surrounded by walkers. I bet he had the worst sermons and you know he stole from the collection plate.

-Noah meets with Deanna’s wife, Reg, the architect of the walls, and he wants to be an architect as well. Reg also writes everything down and Noah is intrigued, so Reg gives him his journal. Awwwww, Noah has a job. I’m not sure how much I trust him with tools and whatnot, but hey, gotta earn your keep somehow.

-Abe is up, washing his face and we see Rosa in the background, still in bed, so I guess that is actually a thing now. Man, shoutout to hot water. I’d still be showering.

-A run has to be made to pick up a part for the grid as they’re out of power, so there is a group consisting of Glenn, Aiden, his friend Nicholas, Tara, Noah and Eugene, whom Noah tries to give a gun to, but Eugene is like, nah, I’m not going, I’m a punk. But he ends up going anyway because he’s too much of a punk to stand up to Noah. Aiden says bye to his parents, Glenn says bye to Maggie, and Deanna thanks Glenn again for punching her son in the mouth. He should punch him again because whatever the hell they’re playing in the rave van as they’re driving away is awful. Meanwhile, Father Bitchass is skulking around outside the church.

-Jessie and Rick are in her garage, and her owl sculpture was smashed. She needs to just give up on that, it has been knocked over a couple times now, but as soon as I saw it, I just assumed it was her husband. Rick tells her about the broken-window theory, which is, if you keep the windows intact, society stays intact. Rick tryna be smart to get in her pants with this bullshit-ass theory. Go ‘head, bruh. Anyway, he says he’ll look into it.

-The run group get to the warehouse and Aiden wants to just run in all willy-nilly, but Glenn suggests checking the perimeter first in case shit goes down and they need an exit plan. Aiden says his plan is to run out the front because he has no idea how real it gets in these streets, and he hasn’t been on-screen that long, but they did a good job in casting this character. The actor’s name is Daniel Bonjour, he’s from South Africa and he is excellent at looking smug as hell.

-Eugene and Tara are walking together, and she tells him to pull his weight and he responds that he’s the one who got them to Washington. Uh, you were unconscious for the beginning of it and it spawned from a lie. Quite delusional of him and I want Tara to just kill him, right there.

-Noah and Glenn are scouting out the place and find a whole horde of walkers, where, at the front where Aiden was planning to run out. We don’t need to check the perimeter, he said. What a douche.

-They make it into the warehouse with Glenn leading, and Aiden is impressed with the way Glenn carries himself. They find a buncha walkers behind a fence and Aiden is shook as shit, you can see it in his eyes. Everyone splits off into pairs to find what they need, and the Eugene/Tara pair finds them first, while the Aiden/Nicholas pair get run up on by a walker in full body armor and he starts shooting it, but Glenn notices that it has explosives on it and tries to get Aiden to stop, to no avail. ZOMBIE BOMBS!

-Tara gets messed up by the zombie bomb, as does Aiden, who ends up impaled on a forklift. A walker runs up on Eugene, who is too scared to shoot it, and almost gets bit by another walker before Glenn and Noah saves him. Not gon’ lie, I was kinda rooting for the walkers there.

-Carol finds Sam, the kid she supposedly scared, downstairs in her pantry looking for more cookies. Carol is being as mean as possible to the kid, and he doesn’t seem to be shook, all he wants is cookies, so Carol tells him to steal chocolate from the room, and to get her a bar for herself, because blackmailing children is what’s hot in the streets. But now I’m wondering what is wrong with this kid that he can break into the house of a person that has already threatened to tie him to a tree so the walkers could get him. I don’t know about you, but I’d be staying FAR away from her.

-Glenn formulates a plan to escape, but they’re startled by Aiden, who is apparently still alive, even though Nicholas said he checked him and he was dead. The walkers notice this as well, so Glenn, Noah and Nicholas try to save him while Eugene waits with Tara. It’s right about here that I realize someone isn’t making it back to Alexandria.

-Abe is on a construction site, run by Tobin (the man that told Carol he would teach her how to shoot in the previous episode), and he starts getting lightheaded and it looks like a bout of PTSD. However, he snaps out of it when a group of walkers comes out of the woods, but the lookout, Francine, falls out of her tractor. Tobin wants to leave her there, but Abe swoops in to save the day. It’s funny that Tobin says they can’t rescue Francine when she’s like, ten feet away and they all have guns. Meanwhile, Abe is basically wetting his pants at the chance to kill some shit. However, the rest of the crew aren’t bitches like Tobin and decide to help out.

-Pete stops by Rick’s house with beer, so we can confirm that he’s a drunk now. The two have a really weird conversation in which Pete keeps dropping hints that he knows Rick’s tryna bang his wife, and Rick has to be wondering if he saw the kiss. I still think Pete broke the owl, and then drops, “oh, I hear you lost your wife”, and at this point, I think Rick is just going to bite his throat because he has done it before. All Pete needs to say is, hey, could you not try and bang my wife? Then they have a real awkward handshake, so this fight gotta happen at this point.

-Eugene spends his time chastising an unconscious Tara before gettin’ on his Last Action Hero shit, walking outta the room he was in with her over his shoulder and shooting zombies and I’m dying of laughter at this point. Meanwhile, Glenn and ’em are still tryna save Aiden, whose screams draw more walkers and his boy, Nicholas, runs the fuck off, but not before he says, “you left them, that’s who we are” and Glenn is like, say word? That’s when Aiden tells him the truth about the four people they lost; it was he and Nicholas who panicked, so really, they’re not about that life at all. Glenn stays until the last possible second, but he and Noah have to leave, so we get to watch Aiden get just fuckin’ devoured by walkers, who FINALLY get to eat. We always see them getting killed, it’s good to see them getting thrown a bone (or a horse) every once in a while.

-Francine punches Tobin for even thinking of letting her die, and then Abe assumes control of the group because there is still sunlight, which means there is work to do. Francine is lookin’ at him like, oh really now, and he should consider that, although Rosa won’t be happy. But Abe needs a mission, and now he has it.

-Glenn, Noah and Nicholas try to get out the front, but they should have known that wasn’t gon’ work, and end up getting stuck in the only revolving door left on the planet, where they get surrounded by walkers while I hear the Benny Hill theme playing in my head. This is gon’ end SO BADLY for someone, hopefully Nicholas.

-Tobin goes to Deanna, Reg and Maggie to tell them that Abe should run the construction site and they all seem to agree, but Deanna pushes back a little on Maggie, saying that it’s funny that one of her people does something good and she vouches for them. One, everyone knows Abe should be the leader of that shit and two, what did she think was gon’ happen?

-Carol is making these cookies for Sam and still being an outright asshole to him, but he is still tryna be friends and make small talk. Carol then finds out that it was Sam who broke the owl, and he asks her if he can have a gun; she asks why he needs one and he runs out, and the wheels start turning for Carol, who we all know has been in this situation before: Pete beats Jessie and Sam.

-The three are still stuck in the revolving door, but Eugene rolls up with the rave van to distract the walkers and Glenn comes up with a plan to get out, but Nicholas goes against the plan to try and get himself out, and Noah ends up getting grabbed by the walkers. So, I’m willing to put this up there with the most gruesome deaths of all time in The Walking Dead as the walkers are literally tearing Noah’s face and eyes apart as he is pressed up against the glass, but more disturbing is that Glenn has to watch it and for everything he has seen and done, he is a mess. This was horrifying. Even the second time I watched it, it was horrifying.

-Nicholas runs up to Eugene in the van and tries to hijack it and the two fight before Glenn runs up and punches the dogshit outta Nicholas. They throw him in the van with Tara and drive off, and Eugene asks where Noah is, but he knows what happened. He sees the journal that Noah was given by Reg, and all Noah managed to write was “This is only the beginning”. Oh, it’s the beginning of something alright.

-Carol goes over to Pete’s, where she finds him drunk and asks to speak with either Sam or Jessie, but he says it’s a bad time and slams the door, and all he has done now is awaken Killa Carol. You have fun with that, Pete.

-Gabriel goes to Deanna to tell her that Rick and his crew are dangerous and that they’re gon’ mess everything up, but little does he know that Maggie is listening around the corner. He looks slightly wide-eyed and crazy, and he keeps saying that Satan disguises himself. Deanna says she has a lot to think about before he leaves, but holy shit, I wanted to jump on-screen and fight this dude myself. Gabriel says that the group did some things, like, I don’t know, KILL CANNIBALS. His fuckass self would still be on a rock as walker bait and his church would have eventually got overrun anyway, and let’s not act like Father Bitchass himself didn’t leave his congregation outside of a locked church to get eaten. Sure, Rick and ’em are dangerous and he might have like, 13% of a point. But let’s not act like his hands are clean. He is the worst character in the history of The Walking Dead.

-While Father Bitchass is talking to Deanna, their convo is getting cut with Carol telling Rick her suspicions about Pete, and she tells him that Rick is gon’ have to kill him. I mean, they could have a trial or get some evidence, but hey, that shit gets in the way and we all know he’s guilty, so I’m ridin’ with Killa on this one.

So, it’s gon’ be interesting when Glenn comes back to Deanna without her son, and Nicholas’ fuckass lies on them. How much stock does/will she put into the rantings of Father Bitchass? Where is that little Enid girl who I’m 99% sure has Rick’s blender gun? Will Eugene start punching random mufuckas in the face because he’s a man now? I have no idea, but The Walking Dead has a lot to live up to after what I feel was the best episode of the season and definitely the best since last season’s “The Grove”, which was also episode 14. Two episodes left, let’s get it.

 

The Walking Dead S05E13 – Forget

In Ep. 12, The Walking Dead wanted you (and the crew) to “Remember”, which I took to mean remembering what it was like to be around “civilized” people. In Ep. 13, they’re asked to “Forget”. Some of the crew are willing to do it; others, not so much. Let’s go……

-We start with Sasha lying in the dark, staring at pictures of some family she doesn’t know, and she has been well on her way to snapping. Morning comes and she goes to where they keep the guns, where the woman watching them (Olivia) asks if Sasha can bring her back a boar leg and Sasha is like, man, what? Sure, just lemme go and do this thing. She goes out to the woods with all the pictures she was staring at because hey, she needs something for target practice. It sounds like she hears something in the woods, but it seems to be all in her head, fueling her anger. Then she sits on a stump and says, “come and get me”. Shit, two episodes ago, she was ready to take on a horde by herself. Now she got a little food in her? Sasha gon’ fuck someone up.

-Rick, Carol and Daryl meet out by where Rick stashed his gun in the blender, which is now missing, of course, and start planning to take their weapons back. A walker rolls up and Carol shoots it multiple times because the story is that the guys are taking her out to learn how to shoot, which is hilarious. Carol says that she’ll leave a latch open for the guys to get guns, then they notice the “W” on the walker’s head….or is it an “M”? Probably a “W” with the Wolves connotation and all. Just a thought I had as the camera panned around.

-Michonne is trying on her uniform, and she and Rick try to figure out if this is all a plan. He wonders if it’s for “then” or “now”, and Michonne says, “this IS now”. She’s so tired. She just wants to be somewhere and chill. That’s not good for anyone.

-Daryl is out in the woods and he hears Aaron sneaking on him, and Aaron is surprised that he can tell that Daryl can tell the difference between a human and a walker. Dude, it’s not hard, one is usually moaning, dragging its feet and not being sneaky at all. Then Aaron asks if Daryl can tell the difference between a good guy and a bad guy, to which Daryl says there’s no difference anymore. Aaron talks a whole fuckin’ lot. But apparently he wasn’t following Daryl, Aaron was hunting rabbits. Yeah, right. Something doesn’t sit right for me with this cat.

-Deanna is explaining to Rick and Michonne that they’re in charge of enforcing rules, while Maggie is going to help her form a government of sorts. The three begrudgingly agree that this could work, but they’re alarmed at the lack of security, starting with the walls and there are no lookouts? WHAT? These people are either insanely naive or the real danger is inside the walls. Sasha volunteers to be a lookout and Deanna is skeptical, but she says she is having a party, so she wants Sasha to come.

-Carol is going around, taking food orders, smiling so good like she cares about what the fuck they’re eating. She meets with Rick and they decide that tonight, they’ll get some guns. Meanwhile, Daryl and Aaron come across a horse, which he and the kids have named Buttons. Daryl tries to lasso the horse, but he gets spooked by some walkers and runs off, while the guys kill them off and chase the horse.

-Carol then goes to Olivia, who is in charge of the food as well as the guns. Carol scopes out the room for a way to get in, while two men ask her if she’s okay with guns and she’s all, oh, you know, not the best, definitely not with big guns and I’m just dying at this point. She was smiling when that Tobin guy said he would teach her how to shoot, then she turns away and BAM, Killa Carol face.

-Daryl and Aaron are still out there, and Aaron learns that Daryl rides bikes, but the two of them are outsiders. Aaron is working so hard to get Daryl to open up and asks him to go to the party, and he’s pressing a little too much for my liking.

-It’s party time and everyone shows up, there is wine and beer, to which Abe is like, yeah, I’m in. He might need an intervention at some point. Rick meets Deanna’s husband, Reg, aka the guy who built the wall backwards. He tells Rick that he is impressed that he led these people (via the recorded interviews) to safety all this time and even though Rick is hesitant, he tells him to have a drink. Have we seen drunk Rick before? I bet he likes to fight. And right on cue, in walks Jessie and her brood, including her threatening-ass husband that might end up in a triangle choke if he looks at Rick wrong.

-Meanwhile, the horse whisperers are still out tryna catch Secretariat and Aaron gets tripped by a walker. However, the horse gets caught somehow, I thought horses were smarter than that, but I guess not. The two kill the feasting walkers before Aaron puts the horse out of its misery. Aaron says, “he always ran”. WELP, not this time.

-Back at the party, Noah is by himself, being anti-social and wants to leave, but Glenn and Maggie make him stay. Daryl looks at the party, but decides against it and Aaron walks out; turns out he wasn’t even gon’ go to the party and Daryl is like, the fuck you tell me to go for? He invites Daryl in for dinner, so I figure Daryl is gettin’ drugged.

-The party is bumpin’, Olivia shows up so Carol figures it’s the best time to go to the storage place. Jessie introduces Rick to her husband, who says he is a doctor, and he offers to get Rick a refill and when she says she’ll do it, he says, “I’m on it” through gritted teeth. He beats her or something. Ol’ shadowy ass mufucka. Anyway, they’re talking and Rick is lookin’ like, what will it take to get you to cheat? Jessie went on some speech about strangers being in each other’s lives and losing something, but getting something back, which fits for every single person in that room. Jessie’s youngest kid runs up hollerin’ about more cookies and Rick is like, I’ll get ya some more and the kid (Sam) gives him a stamp. Rick looks around like, I gotta be more on top of things.

-Sasha shows up at the party and meets Deanna’s other son, Spencer, not the douche who got his face rocked by Glenn. He mentions Mrs. Niedermayer and her affinity for pastamakers. Sasha is like, all you mufuckas are awkward, b.

-Meanwhile, Daryl is goin’ to town on Aaron’s spaghetti, eating loud as shit as Aaron and Eric are lookin’ at him like he’s an animal. Aaron takes Daryl to the garage, where he sees a bike in a million pieces, which is a huge coincidence, a little too huge for me. Aaron then says he wants Daryl to be a recruiter with him because he doesn’t want Eric outchea in these streets anymore after he wrecked his ankle; that’s why Deanna hasn’t given him a job yet, Aaron told her not to. Still don’t trust this dude. Oh, and he also made another reference to Mrs. Niedermayer and her pastamaker. Is this a code word? Am I missing something? Are we ever gon’ meet this Mrs. Niedermayer and will someone get her a damn pastamaker?

-Michonne is sitting outside and Abe comes out, lookin’ like he’s s tryna holla. Abe is just tryna punch some people, get someone to a place, find something to drink or have as much sex as he can. Ya know, he has kinda grown on me. As long as he doesn’t talk a whole lot.

-Carol sneaks into the window she left open to get the guns, and she realizes that she was followed by Sam, Jessie’s son. He wants cookies, but he has to tell his mom that Carol was in here and BAM…..KILLA CAROL IN THE HOUSE. This is the speech, verbatim: “One morning, you’ll wake up and you won’t be in your bed. (Sam: where will I be?) You’ll be outside the walls, far, far away, tied to a tree and you’ll scream and scream because you’ll be so afraid. No one will come to help because no one will hear you. Well, SOME THING will hear you. The monsters will come; the ones out there. And you won’t be able to run away when they come for you. And they will tear you apart and eat you up while you’re still alive, all while you can still feel it. And then afterwards, no one will ever know what happened to you. Or you can promise not to ever tell anyone what you saw here and then nothing will happen. And you’ll get cookies. LOTS of cookies. I know what I think you should do.”

-BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Man, listen, she backed him up against that wall and you could tell a little bit of pee came out. And then she hit that smile at the last line? Yeah, I apologize to Melissa McBride for thinking anyone else was touching her on The Walking Dead. Good grief. And you know she’ll do everything she said to Sam. She watched Rick shoot her daughter and then the whole thing with Lizzie. You think she gives a damn about this kid she JUST met. Everyone will die, b. EVERYONE. I fucking love her.

-Rick is getting and Jessie walks up holding Judith (side note: I’ve been tryna figure out where I know Jessie from. She’s played by Alexandra Breckenridge, who I know from American Horror Story as the younger redheaded nanny in Murder House and target practice for Cordelia’s husband in Coven). She goes to give Judith to Rick, who kisses her on the cheek. Yep, Rick is that dude at the bar that hits on your girlfriend and wants to fight when you get mad.

-Sasha is at the party, hearing people talk about some trivial shit like favorite meals and flips the fuck out like, THIS IS THE SHIT Y’ALL ARE WORRIED ABOUT? All the while, she sees Bob, Tyreese and Beth, so yeah, the slope is getting more slippery for her. The next morning, Deanna catches her to find out what’s up and Sasha says Alexandria isn’t real. Deanna was like, yeah, that’s cool, but that is bullshit, before she gives Sasha bullets for more target practice or to man the lookout. There is more than meets the eye to Deanna. She’s tougher than people think.

-Rick, Carol and Daryl are in the woods again and Carol tries to give out guns and Daryl is like, do we really need these? Carol is lookin’ at him like, bitch, man the fuck up. Rick takes one, but looks a little uncertain. Michonne is in her house, where she finds a place for her sword above the fireplace. The trio returns and goes their separate ways, but I wonder, the girl who opens the gate for them (we don’t know her name, I don’t think), will she get suspicious and tell Deanna? I would if I were her.

-Rick waves to Jessie and her husband, and she flashes the stamp that Sam gave her as well as Rick, and it’s an “A” for Alexandria, I would think. Her husband, I think his name is Pete, immediately places his hand on her back like, I see you, mufucka. Rick glares at him and goes for his gun, but decides against it for now. He hears some banging, but it’s just a walker on the other side of the wall. Shouldn’t he kill it before it makes enough noise to attract more?

-Question: where were Eugene, Tara and Father Bitchass in regards to the party? I mean, I wouldn’t invite them either, but I figure Deanna would just to keep up appearances. We didn’t see her douche son, either. Some

There is no forgetting in the world of The Walking Dead. These people can’t forget all the shit they’ve gone through to get to this point and there are plenty of reasons why they’re skeptical. Some are trying to forget (Michonne, a little of Daryl and possibly Rick, who got them googly eyes for Jessie), some are not fuckin’ around (Killa Carol, obviously). Three episodes left, I’m ready for the other shoe to drop.